Lockie Leonard (2007–2010): Season 1, Episode 8 - The Details - full transcript

- Status report,

today the sun's going to come up

just the ame as it would on any other day.

People are going to wake up
and have a bowl of cereal,

same as they would on any other day.

But today everything is different

because today, Lockie Leonard,

finally, you're a teenager.

- Lockie, you awake?

Excellent, let's do it.

Quietly now, Philip.



Owe!

- The big one three,

13 years old as in unreal.

Okay, 13, but it doesn't
feel any different, Lock.

Same little brother, same
outer space bed spread

I've had since I was three.

Hello, is there any thing
that isn't different?

Body hair in you in unusual places?

New school, girls so awesomely
cute you forget how to talk?

Give me a break.

- Okay, shh, shh, shh!

You sure he's still asleep?

- Guaranteed, Sarge.

Out like a light.



- Yeah, okay.

Some things are still the same.

- We don't wanna
give him a nasty shock

and have him end up on life support!

- Come on, guys.

I need to go to the loo!

- Go, go, go, go, go, go!

- Surprise!

- Hey guys, what's this?

What's going on?

- Happy birthday, Lockie!
- Happy birthday!

Now, this one's from Nan and Pop.

- Nan and Pop, you're kidding me?

They never remember our birthdays.

- Well, I had a rather
lengthy discussion with 'em

before I let them leave to go home.

- Wow, love it, far out.

- I got you a book.

- The Big Bang:

A Short History of
Expulsions and Explosions.

- Can I borrow it when you're finished?

- Maybe you should just look at it first.

- Yes!

- Lockie...

This is from your mother and me.

Happy Birthday, son.

- It's not exactly brand new, Lockie.

- In fact, it's pre-loved.

- So someone may have
piddled in before you.

- It's just, your other
one has perished so badly,

it was looking like an old tortoises neck.

- This is the best present
anyone's ever given me.

Thanks mom, thanks dad.

- Now, Leonard family tradition

dictates that birthdays and such

are celebrated with a Mexican feast

at the Tacky Taco in West
Mollin Street in the city.

- With all your little friends.

- But, as said restaurant

is some hundreds of miles from hence,

we will be celebrating at the
Blue Fin Chinese restaurant

in busy downtown Angelus.

Your table awaits at 7 PM.

And if you're quick,

maybe you could test out that wetty

before heading off to school.

- Thanks mum, thanks dad.

The wetsuit was a beautiful thing.

And gee, was it ever making a difference.

This was my fifth wave already

and I was only just beginning to shiver.

I surfed 'till my hands felt
like secondhand sausages

and I still came out of the water

with a great big smile on my face.

If this was my teens, I'm up for it.

And that's when it started.

I'm trapped, as in totally!

Okay, losing oxygen now.

Stay calm, don't panic or hallucinate.

- You're doomed!

I know, we'll revise him,

excited prisms and pyramids.

- You all right?

Can you hear me in there?

- I
wasn't sure who it was,

but I was fairly sure
it wasn't Old Squasher.

Yes, I can hear you, help!

- Stop complaining you dill.

- I can't get out!

One horrible moment,

I thought all my skin had come off.

It was Vicky as in Vicky Streeton,

the girl I'd been crazy about for weeks.

- So you're a surfer, hey?

I'll try to overlook it.
- What?

- Surfers think they're so hot.

They think everyone loves them
the way they love themselves.

But hey, it's just not possible.

- So why are you talking to me?

- Life's full of mysteries.

So you wanna expect me to sit on the beach

like some dumb, adoring surf chick?

- No, I'm not sure what you...

If you ever wanted to
know what heaven was like,

it tastes of vanilla ice cream

and smells like strawberry topping.

- I better be going.

- Um.

It's my birthday.

- Happy birthday then.

I'll see you at school.

We can talk the details out over recess.

- Yes.

- You're looking mighty
pleased with yourself.

- That's because I've just kissed

the most adorable boy in the universe.

- Surely, you mean Lockie Leonard,

the world champion surfing ace?

- Sasha, hold the front page.

Celebrity update.

Vicky and Lockie Leonard are an item.

- But Vicky, darling, not so fast.

Have you sorted out the details yet?

No but mum, Lockie's so much
more of a hunk now he's 13.

Who cares about the details

when the important thing is

is that we're finally together.

Isn't that right, Lockie?

- Of course it was.

I didn't care what the
details were either.

That kiss of Vicky's was such a knockout,

my brain had packed up for the day.

- So you filed to drop by the station say,

just after school?

Around 3:15, 3:30.

When Nut Noral will be
colouring out morning T-roster

and Lisa will be on the front desk.

- Excellent.

- So, how was the wetsuit?

- It's changed my life.

- It's a personal selection of real music,

Cast Irons to Meta Mortals,

the psychotic years,

happy birthday.

- Yeah, thanks.

- Hey, no need to fall
over so with gratitude.

I was only up all night burning that.

- Hey Lockie, how's it going?

- Hi, Lockie.
- Hey, Lockie.

- Hey, Lockie?

- Hey, Lockie.

- Egg, have you ever kissed a girl?

- No!
- Hey, Lockie.

- But to continue.

I don't even know if you even realise,

but I think you've just become popular.

- Lockie, I understand you've committed

to a relationship with Vicky.

That right?

- You're kidding me?

Is that right?

- Well, yeah, I guess so.

- Then we need to discuss the details.

- What are the details?

- Egg, you will never need to know.

- I think it's only fair to
warn you what will happen

if you even so much as
look at another girl.

It's my task to introduce you

to a number of harney rules

which you will be required
to learn by heart.

A shame that boys like movies

where lots of people
get killed very quickly

whereas girls prefer movies where

one person dies very slowly.

You have in front of you

a selection of personal care products.

These include deodorant,

your people always smells,

may be amusing in the locker room

but have no place on that special date.

This brings your presentation to a close.

On your way out, you'll see a bin,

where you can dispose of any information

that relates in any way to surfing.

Thank you for your attention.

Break any of these rules

and you will be dumped.

Have a nice day now.

- Mate, my work here is done.

- Class, the miracle of Shakespeare

is the way his words speak
to us across the centuries

with words so fresh,

they could of been penned this morning.

- I thought this morning
was pretty special myself.

- So, Mr. Shakespeare's
tale of Athenian lovers,

Hermia and Lysander, together
with Helena and Dimitrious,

is just the same now as it
was in Elizabethan times.

Vicky, we've discussed the text in detail

now tell the play in your own words

with expression, please.

- So, there Lysander,

how's your day been so far?

- You know, pretty good.

- I suppose I've realised,

I just love being with you all the time.

It's as if, from now on,

every spare moment I have,

I Want to share that with you, together.

- Really?

What about surfing?

- And who knows, fair Lysander,

maybe one day we could get married.

Married?

Did she just say married?

- Enter, Helena and Dimitrious, please.

- Jiggy, babe, you want it?

I got it.

- Gey your hands off me, loser!

- Yes, excellent improvisation, you two.

- I'm not acting, I'm in sickening pain.

- So, were you acting?

Or did you really mean what you said

about doing everything
together all the time?

- Sure I did.

I wanna keep you all to myself,

forever, obviously.

- Heaven's sake!

Can someone go and get a bandaid

and smelling salts from the sick room?

- I'll do it!

There was more to having a
girlfriend than I'd imagined.

And taking time out to do your own thing

was shaking up as a problem.

Maybe I needed to go to boyfriend school

and work on the details.

Hold on, here's something new.

I haven't seen her out here before.

Wow, look at her go.

What move.

- Are you all right?

- You surf really well.

You're awesome.

- Yeah, I know.

You're kind of marginally okay, yourself.

- I haven't seen you around.

Are you new in town like I am?

- Yeah, kind of.

- This
girl was an awesome surfer.

She paddled like a demon.

Her wave judgement was perfect.

And she was, no, hang on.

What was I doing even
looking at another girl?

Breaking the first rule of the details

when I was still recovering

from when Vicky kissed me

over there this morning!

Okay, Lockie,

time to flee the scene of the crime.

Unlike me, Philip only had
eyes for one girl at a time.

Lisa, out of all people,
fancy seeing you here.

- Hey, Philip.

What's the book?

- What book?

This, this book.

You might find it interesting, Lisa,

given your love for science.

- Wow, looks brilliant.

- It's a little on the juvenile side

but not without a certain appeal.

- To Lockie, 13 big ones.

- Don't worry about that.

Would you like to borrow it, perhaps?

Take your time, relish every page.

Sarge, I was just saying to Lisa,

she should come along to dinner tonight.

- Lockie's birthday bash?

Excellent idea, Philip.

- I'd
broken the first rule

of the details in record time

all because I'd looked at
this surfer girl called?

Okay, turns out I don't
actually know what her name is.

Come to think of it, I didn't
know anything about her,

unlike Vicky, who I've been crazy about

since the first day I saw her.

- So you like me and you love kissing me

but when it comes to surfing,

you'll have a much better time

doing that stuff with her than me?

Is that it?
- No.

- Then what's so boring with me

that you'd wanna look at another girl?

- Vicky, there's nothing wrong with you.

You're perfect, you're totally awesome.

- I thought you said I was awesome?

- I was talking about your surfing.

- Right, so apart from
when you're surfing,

you're saying that you don't wanna hear

what I'm thinking about, then?

Like, getting married,

just because I'm this dumb surfer chick.

- I don't even know you.

If you don't mind,

I'd rather not talk to you

or look at you ever again.

- So what, you're just going
to ignore me until graduation?

- Graduation?

That's right.

Surfer girl said she's new in town.

That means she'll be coming to school.

We could all end up in the same class.

- Gee, that'd be good for you, Lockie.

You wouldn't know where
to look, would you?

- Lockie, Vicky's at the door.

She wants to talk to you.

- Aw, man.

- Hi, there.
- Hi.

- I thought you were a
bit upset with me today

'cause I hadn't got
you a birthday present.

So now I have.

- Thank you.

- So, you doing anything special tonight?

- Psst, psst.

- No, no no.

We'll just be staying at home.

Quiet evening with the family.

You know, might get the old
Monopoly board out or something.

- Okay then, Monopoly.

I better shoot.

- Okay.

Thanks for coming around

and the presse of course.

- My pleasure.

- I felt
terrible lying to Vicky

but I didn't trust myself
not to say something stupid

and make things even worse.

Tonight, I just wanted to
feel safe with my family.

- Baby, bring it on!

Yes, tonight's the night.

Wee!

Lisa, hello.

Those chopsticks really bring out

the colour in your eyes.

Now if anybody should happen
to mention babe wedding,

could you change the
subject and I mean fast!

I'm on fire, yo!

Champagne, Sarge?

For Lisa and you and mum of course.

Is one bottle enough?

What do you think, Lockie?

- Champagne,

take it easy there, Philip.

- I'll just have what
everyone else is having.

- How does the Deluxe Banquet sound?

It's a good price
considering what you get.

And Lisa, I hear it's to die for.

- Yup,

you had to hand it to team Leonard,

Loonies Anonymous.

We're also crazy.

You just relax and go with the flow.

- My god, look at this.

It's the Leonards!

- Hello, Joy.

Hello, everyone.

You all know my husband Barry,

the mayor of Angelus.

And Victoria.

- It's great here, isn't it?

I'm a big fan of the Deluxe Banquet.

When you consider what they give you,

it's worth every cent.

- Maybe you'd like to join us.

- No, private function.

Don't let us interrupt.

We've booked our own table.

- Lockie, man of the moment.

What would you like, son?

Keeping in mind.

- Excuse me.

Okay, so things had taken
a bad turn all of a sudden

but I was still hopeful
there was a way out of this

for Vicky and me.

I just needed time to think,

but then life got a whole lot worse.

It's you, what are you doing here?

- Um, toilet.

Who are you?

- The beach, this afternoon?

We said hello, remember?

- No!

- Great, that's fantastic.

Look, whatever you do,

don't sit at my table, don't wave,

don't even look at me, okay?

We've never met before, understood?

- I don't even know you.

- I had two choices,

either go back in there
and come clean to Vicky

about breaking the rules

or lock myself in the
toilet until graduation.

Then the first instalment
of Mr. Streeton's

Deluxe Banquet made up my mind for me.

- That's right, the beach, this afternoon.

You said that I was awesome.

- Is she the reason you've
been acting so weird?

Why didn't you say something?

- No.

I was going to.

Of course I was.

But, I didn't.

- How long have you known her?

- Not long, three hours max.

It's nothing.

I don't even know her name.

- Just enough time for a
quick game of Monopoly.

So tell me, why should I
believe anything else you say?

Have you opened my present yet?

Maybe you shouldn't.

Maybe you should get back to me

when you've grown up a bit,

in about 25 years.

- Lisa, our family has
a number of traditions,

one of which is my birthday poem.

When as a family we huddle,

is not too big for a cuddle,

our first born by name of L. Leonard,

and whatever we miss,

it's never our kiss,

Our first born,

a teenager now,

one foot in the door

of adulthood and the trials he must jocky,

but for his mother and me and Blop

and Philp makes three,

they'll only ever be one Lockie.

Happy birthday, son.

Blow out your candles and make a wish.

- I wish,

I wish I was 12 again

and today had never happened.

- Come on, everybody.

Group photograph.

Mrs. Brottle, Vicky, Sal,

come on, come on.

Positions, big smile, Vicky.

And smile!

That is lovely.

Now waiter.

- The lady would like to send
her compliments to the chef.

Watch and learn.

Tonight the moon will rise,

just the same as it
would on any other night.

People will find their way to bed,

as they would on any other night,

but tonight everything is different.

- Tonight, Lockie was perfection.

- 13 years old,

it already felt unlucky.