Lockie Leonard (2007–2010): Season 1, Episode 6 - A Water Feature - full transcript
Lockie's hormones cruise into town and create chaos, causing him to make a fool of himself in front of Vicki Streeton. All up, puberty is looking to be a bumpy ride for Lockie. Philip gains a new perspective on his problem when his grandparents visit.
("Worlds Away" by Jebediah)
- You're cruising along okay,
minding your own business,
and for a moment there,
everything is just fine
and dandy.
You might've spent the last
three hours in the water,
perfecting your re-entry.
And then you nail it.
Or spent the day just goofing around
or slacking out with
your brother in front of
tv cartoons, hosted by
a girl in some really
random outfit.
- of great entries so
far, including this one,
from Malcolm Hankle in Maroochydore.
Way to go Malcolm, you rock.
- Come on, made your point, shut up!
- Lady, go away!
Move on!
- Just show us the cartoons.
- So without any further adieu, here's...
- Yeah! Woo hoo!
- And if you stop to think
about it, you might even
say this is good, you know, I'm happy.
And then,
from somewhere in the deepest, darkest
part of the jungle,
something stirs.
These guys will say they're your friend.
Don't believe them.
These guys are the worst kind of trouble.
These are the guys that'll get you busted.
They're crazy and dumb, and
they want to party all night
and get trashed.
If these guys were a
motorcycle gang, they'd have
called themselves the Night
Stalkers or the Tomb Raiders.
But no, these guys have
a name that is way more
scary than that, these
guys are your hormones.
- KG, I'm in pursuit of
some rampaging hormones.
They're heading south from
the suspect's pituitary gland
and to his trinky bits.
- Wooo hoo hoo!
- Excuse me, I didn't ask for any of this!
- But we're
here, and we're staying.
Wooo!
- You've guessed it, hello puberty.
Puberty is Nature's way
of saying it's time you
had a makeover.
Puberty is like one of
those tv shows, where they
send people away for
the weekend so they can
redesign their garden.
And it's like, wow, mega surprise!
- Surprise!
- Hi mom, hi Sarge.
- Look at the growth.
- So the team's come in,
and they've given you
the makeover.
They've yanked this bit up
and pushed this bit out,
and they've given you a
lawn in a place where you
never had a lawn before.
- Mwah.
Wow, he looks amazing.
- Hello gorgeous.
And then, just to finish
it off, they've added
a water feature.
No, sorry, not ready for this stuff.
- It's morning, a new day,
and with morning comes adventure.
I wonder what new
challenges await me after
yet another piddle free night, thanks to
Cyril the Sheep and his
magic bedwetting fleece?
- For the first time ever,
I was jealous of Phillip.
I thought how great it
would be to be 10 again,
with no hormones, and no water features.
- Getting up, Locke?
- No I think I'm gonna
stay here for another
moment or two.
- It's morning, and with morning comes
breakfast.
- Embarrassing, embarrassing,
destroy the evidence.
Quietly.
Destroy the evidence.
Embarrassing, embarrassing.
Okay, destroy the evidence.
Yes, quietly.
Quietly destroy the evidence.
All right, the laundry.
Washing machine.
Okay, good, made it, made it.
What do I do?
How much powder?
Help me, someone, come on, two capfuls?
What's a capful?
What does this do?
Right, okay, the bathroom.
Cold, cold, hurting, cold, ouch.
Wringing out a bed sheet
is harder than strangling
a friendly dog.
Okay, good.
Wring, wring out.
Okay.
Good, tie knot, tap.
Okay good.
Okay, twist.
The tap!
No!
I am not hysterical.
I am not hysterical!
- You're up early.
- I'm sleep walking.
Don't wake me or something
terrible might happen.
- Lockie, you awake yet?
- No, I'm totally out to it.
- Mind the step.
- Good news, my great
acting had fooled Sarge.
And no one knew what my
hormones had done to my sheets.
Yep, business as usual here.
- Sarge, will you be
bumping into Lisa today?
- More than likely
Phillip, why do you ask?
- No reason.
But if you do happen to
bump into her by any chance,
Lisa, could you tell her P.L. said hello?
- Yes, I can do that Phillip, certainly.
Who's P.L.?
- Me, I am.
P.L., Phillip Leonard,
who do you think it is?
- Pet Loony.
- And don't forget your
Maths Mentals, Lockie.
I'm putting it here, look, on the table,
next to you, okay?
Lockie, here it is, right here.
Okay?
Lockie?
- Before I forget
full attention, family announcement.
Mom's parents, that would
be your grandparents,
will be gracing us with
their presence for the
next two weeks.
Or thereabouts.
Come on, be fair, I don't
want any silly over-the-top
reactions about this.
- Why not?
They're horrible.
- Come on, mom.
Nan and Pop, not that bad.
- Yes they are, they're just horrible.
Horrible.
Well, I think they are.
- Afternoon, Lockie, Sergeant, afternoon.
- Reverend, how's things?
- You meeting someone off the bus?
- No, Mrs. Eggleson is
taking some of her artworks
to Perth for an exhibition.
- Very good.
- Now, Lockie, have you
thought about coming along
to youth group this evening?
- I think I've almost persuaded Geoff.
- Well, yeah, I mean...
- We have some pretty cool
acts planned for tonight,
it could get pretty outrageous.
- I bet it could.
- He'll be there, don't worry.
- See you tonight, it's gonna go off!
- Okay.
Here they are.
Hello, over here!
Smile.
- Quick, Sarge, put 'em
back on the bus before
it's too late.
I'll pay.
- Yeah?
How much?
- I don't know where
you get two weeks from.
I'm giving them three days, max.
- We're back.
- Hi, here we are.
Hello, hello dear.
It's been too long.
- Yes.
- Little beauty, mwah.
- So, Nan, Pop, what do
you think of the house?
- How far away is the local golf club?
- Come through and have
a look at the yard.
I've grown quite fond of it.
Come through.
- Take my arm, Pop, help me.
- Careful, Nan, you could break a hip.
- Dear, Joy, dear.
- This is appalling.
- I've made some scones.
We'll have them out here, shall we?
- It's good to see you both.
Been too long.
- Is that thing quite safe, Pop?
- A fully grown ram with
a foot rope, I shouldn't
think so, mother, not for a moment.
What's the story, Joy, what
on Earth are you thinking?
- Pop, Cyril is a family pet.
I think Cyril has something
important to say about
the choices we make in this family.
- Cyril has something important to say?
Like what?
Baaaah?
- Outside, things were pretty tense.
But inside my head, things were worse.
Something was brewing in my brain,
like a big, dark scary storm.
- Cyril's my hero.
If it weren't for Cyril,
things would be a lot
soggier around here.
- Hear that?
She's talking!
She's not slow at all.
- That big, dark, scary storm?
Upgrade it to a cyclone.
Slow?
Who says she's slow?
- Can't walk, can't talk,
I hear crawls backwards.
- That baby is perfectly normal.
Well, fairly normal.
- Look, Blob's fine, all right?
She just has weird eating
habits, that's all.
- That's enough, Lockie.
- It was official, my hormones
had cruised into town,
and they were here to stay.
From now on, my brain
was their playground.
Whenever they chose,
they could take it over,
and make me do crazy, dumb things.
- It's all right, Sarge, I'm used to it.
I've always known I've
taken second place to Pop's
nine iron, and Pop always
says my brother and I
are his handicap of two.
- I will not have my wife
playing second fiddle
to a golf baggie.
It's time someone stood up to your father.
I'm thinking of giving
him a piece of my mind.
- No, Sarge, it's all right.
I will manage.
- It was about time someone
told Nan and Pop the truth.
And decided that I was
the man for the job.
Yeah, that'd be right,
talk about the golf links.
You two are the missing links, all right.
So when are you gonna wake up yourselves,
and think about others for once?
One of those crazy, dumb
things hormones make you do.
Say things out loud you
should keep in your head.
- Pop says you're being sullen.
Sullen and abusive.
- Geez, Sarge.
- Calm down, now what's going on?
- What's going on is this,
our flamin' grandparents...
- Are just inside the
house, so keep it down.
- Sorry, but it's hopeless.
They drive me crazy.
And you, and mom.
- They can't help being old.
- I don't mind them being
old, but why do they have to
be troublemakers?
- Because...
They're...
They're your mom's parents, all right?
- Well I know I can't get
a refund, but they need
to be taken down a peg, Sarge.
- Lockie, you are not
helping the situation.
- Now come on.
- I also hoped puberty
didn't mean it was compulsory
to have big fights with your parents.
'Cause I quite liked mine.
So, what's happening,
are you up for your dad's
youth group thing?
- No, no way.
Except, I'm being led on.
- Same.
- It's emotional blackmail.
I may never get over this.
- Okay, yo, we're the Get With
It group and we're on fire.
- He's been practising all day.
- Now, a joke.
- He's so bad.
I feel responsible for him.
- Does anybody know God's first name?
Anybody?
No?
It's Harold.
As in the Lord's prayer.
Harold be thy name.
Pause for laughter.
Yo.
- So right, you can't
let him out on his own.
There they were, hormonal and hormonaler.
I wondered if this was a
sneak preview of my future.
Sorry, too scary!
- Okay, everybody,
wedo do do do do.
Happening.
Yo.
- Warning, warning, hormonal
psychopaths approaching!
Okay, Lockie, stay calm.
Stay calm.
- What are you's two up to?
Apart from wetting yourselves?
- The joy of sharing an
evening of thoughtful
fellowship with like-minded peers.
What about you?
- My dad made me.
- Same.
- Same.
- Same.
- Same.
- Hi there, man, this
is like totally cool.
Gang, yo.
We're gonna all get on.
Okay, right.
Yo.
- Yo.
- So, hey.
- Hay?
Horses eat hay.
She's got a name, you know, so've I.
- It's Vicki, hers.
Her name.
Vicki.
Yeah, absolutely.
- Do you two do everything together?
- Team.
You're at one world.
- Yeah.
- Together forever.
- Yeah.
- Right, okay, gang, yo.
We're the Get With It
group, and we're on heat!
Okay, all right.
A joke.
Now then, hang on, can anybody tell me
Harold's first name?
No, I mean God.
No, no, Harold is thy, sorry.
Wait a minute.
Let's, let's...
Yo.
- Then, just to make
things even better, Rev
gathered us for group discussion.
- So if there was one word
to describe what or who
you see in the mirror, that word would be?
- Daffodil.
- What?
One minute Boof's a psychopath,
the next he's a flower.
What's that about?
Okay, too weird, get me out of here.
Trouble was, everything
I tried to think about
so I wouldn't have to
listen to Boof has made me
even grumpier.
Like, get this, Nan and
Pop kicking me and Phillip
out of our beds and making
us sleep on the living
room floor.
Or maybe it was just the
thought that the more the
hormone thing kicked in, the
more I might turn into that.
- And it worries me at
night, why can't I do
a pee quietly when I
know Annie Mavis is just
outside the toilet door?
- Hi.
There you are.
How's it been going?
- How's it been going?
How's it been going?
Well, funny you should ask.
By now my hormones created
a whole new natural disaster
in my head.
This time it was more
like a volcano, a massive,
angry volcano, spitting
random stuff out everywhere.
And that, Vicki, is how
it's been going, if you
really want to know.
- Yep, okay.
Got that.
- You clam, you idiot!
Why did you go off with Vicki?
You idiotic, idiotic, idiot!
Man, if this is your hormones
at work, those little
guys were taking me places
I didn't want to go.
I also had some apologies to make.
Sorry to disturb you, Mr. Streeton.
I was wondering if I
could possibly have a word
with Vicki?
- Of course, not a problem.
- Vicki, Lockie's here to see you.
- Hi Lockie.
I won't be a second.
For some reason all my
clothes have just fallen off.
- Aargh!
Double argh!
- I wet the bed again.
- I promise you Phil, I'd
rather be in your shoes.
- But I've wet the bed.
It doesn't make any
sense, I did everything.
I stroked Cyril's fleece,
this makes no sense.
- Okay, we'll discuss the science later.
For now, let's prioritise our response.
- Excuse me, I'm in here.
- Sorry, Pop.
- What's he doing?
- I don't know.
- Isn't there any privacy in this house?
- Come on.
- Gosh, Lockie, mom's really
losing it, look at this.
Look at the size of it.
Blob could just about curl
up and sleep in this one.
- Here, let's see.
Hey, wait a minute.
These aren't for Blob.
Look at this, they're Pop's!
- What?
- They're Pop's incontinence pads.
For when he wets the bed.
- What?
Lockie, what are you saying to me?
How old is Pop?
He must be 100, at least.
Don't tell me that I'm
going to be wetting the bed
every night for the next 100 years?
- No, it's just old people sometimes.
They have a problem with their waterworks,
if you know what I mean.
- Let me get this
straight, you wet the bed
when you're very young.
You wet the bed when you're very old.
And in between times, you
wet the bed every time
you dream about a girl in her underwear,
is that what you're saying?
- Or bikini, or shorts.
Pretty much.
Anything will do, really.
- So maybe there'll be this
tiny window when I'm about
56-and-a-half when I can
finally look forward to
a decent night's sleep?
- Excuse me, boys, I may
have left something in the
bathroom, something rather personal.
- Don't worry, Pop, we'll be right out.
- Vicki wants you to ask her out.
If you don't ask her
out pretty soon, she'll
get offended and never talk to you again.
- Okay, so maybe my
10-year-old lip-smacking little
brother had a point.
Unlike me, he was still
able to think clearly.
Puberty wasn't setting
off natural disasters
in his head yet.
- This is my big problem with Lisa.
If I don't make my move
soon, she's going to
start to resent me.
- Come on Phillip, we should
try and get some sleep.
- I don't dare.
- Neither do I.
- Time to put out the lights, Pop.
- Don't worry about me,
Nan, I'll be all right.
- Night, Lockie.
- Night, Phillip.
- Good luck.
- Same to you, mate.
And Pop.
("Worlds Away" by Jebediah)
- You're cruising along okay,
minding your own business,
and for a moment there,
everything is just fine
and dandy.
You might've spent the last
three hours in the water,
perfecting your re-entry.
And then you nail it.
Or spent the day just goofing around
or slacking out with
your brother in front of
tv cartoons, hosted by
a girl in some really
random outfit.
- of great entries so
far, including this one,
from Malcolm Hankle in Maroochydore.
Way to go Malcolm, you rock.
- Come on, made your point, shut up!
- Lady, go away!
Move on!
- Just show us the cartoons.
- So without any further adieu, here's...
- Yeah! Woo hoo!
- And if you stop to think
about it, you might even
say this is good, you know, I'm happy.
And then,
from somewhere in the deepest, darkest
part of the jungle,
something stirs.
These guys will say they're your friend.
Don't believe them.
These guys are the worst kind of trouble.
These are the guys that'll get you busted.
They're crazy and dumb, and
they want to party all night
and get trashed.
If these guys were a
motorcycle gang, they'd have
called themselves the Night
Stalkers or the Tomb Raiders.
But no, these guys have
a name that is way more
scary than that, these
guys are your hormones.
- KG, I'm in pursuit of
some rampaging hormones.
They're heading south from
the suspect's pituitary gland
and to his trinky bits.
- Wooo hoo hoo!
- Excuse me, I didn't ask for any of this!
- But we're
here, and we're staying.
Wooo!
- You've guessed it, hello puberty.
Puberty is Nature's way
of saying it's time you
had a makeover.
Puberty is like one of
those tv shows, where they
send people away for
the weekend so they can
redesign their garden.
And it's like, wow, mega surprise!
- Surprise!
- Hi mom, hi Sarge.
- Look at the growth.
- So the team's come in,
and they've given you
the makeover.
They've yanked this bit up
and pushed this bit out,
and they've given you a
lawn in a place where you
never had a lawn before.
- Mwah.
Wow, he looks amazing.
- Hello gorgeous.
And then, just to finish
it off, they've added
a water feature.
No, sorry, not ready for this stuff.
- It's morning, a new day,
and with morning comes adventure.
I wonder what new
challenges await me after
yet another piddle free night, thanks to
Cyril the Sheep and his
magic bedwetting fleece?
- For the first time ever,
I was jealous of Phillip.
I thought how great it
would be to be 10 again,
with no hormones, and no water features.
- Getting up, Locke?
- No I think I'm gonna
stay here for another
moment or two.
- It's morning, and with morning comes
breakfast.
- Embarrassing, embarrassing,
destroy the evidence.
Quietly.
Destroy the evidence.
Embarrassing, embarrassing.
Okay, destroy the evidence.
Yes, quietly.
Quietly destroy the evidence.
All right, the laundry.
Washing machine.
Okay, good, made it, made it.
What do I do?
How much powder?
Help me, someone, come on, two capfuls?
What's a capful?
What does this do?
Right, okay, the bathroom.
Cold, cold, hurting, cold, ouch.
Wringing out a bed sheet
is harder than strangling
a friendly dog.
Okay, good.
Wring, wring out.
Okay.
Good, tie knot, tap.
Okay good.
Okay, twist.
The tap!
No!
I am not hysterical.
I am not hysterical!
- You're up early.
- I'm sleep walking.
Don't wake me or something
terrible might happen.
- Lockie, you awake yet?
- No, I'm totally out to it.
- Mind the step.
- Good news, my great
acting had fooled Sarge.
And no one knew what my
hormones had done to my sheets.
Yep, business as usual here.
- Sarge, will you be
bumping into Lisa today?
- More than likely
Phillip, why do you ask?
- No reason.
But if you do happen to
bump into her by any chance,
Lisa, could you tell her P.L. said hello?
- Yes, I can do that Phillip, certainly.
Who's P.L.?
- Me, I am.
P.L., Phillip Leonard,
who do you think it is?
- Pet Loony.
- And don't forget your
Maths Mentals, Lockie.
I'm putting it here, look, on the table,
next to you, okay?
Lockie, here it is, right here.
Okay?
Lockie?
- Before I forget
full attention, family announcement.
Mom's parents, that would
be your grandparents,
will be gracing us with
their presence for the
next two weeks.
Or thereabouts.
Come on, be fair, I don't
want any silly over-the-top
reactions about this.
- Why not?
They're horrible.
- Come on, mom.
Nan and Pop, not that bad.
- Yes they are, they're just horrible.
Horrible.
Well, I think they are.
- Afternoon, Lockie, Sergeant, afternoon.
- Reverend, how's things?
- You meeting someone off the bus?
- No, Mrs. Eggleson is
taking some of her artworks
to Perth for an exhibition.
- Very good.
- Now, Lockie, have you
thought about coming along
to youth group this evening?
- I think I've almost persuaded Geoff.
- Well, yeah, I mean...
- We have some pretty cool
acts planned for tonight,
it could get pretty outrageous.
- I bet it could.
- He'll be there, don't worry.
- See you tonight, it's gonna go off!
- Okay.
Here they are.
Hello, over here!
Smile.
- Quick, Sarge, put 'em
back on the bus before
it's too late.
I'll pay.
- Yeah?
How much?
- I don't know where
you get two weeks from.
I'm giving them three days, max.
- We're back.
- Hi, here we are.
Hello, hello dear.
It's been too long.
- Yes.
- Little beauty, mwah.
- So, Nan, Pop, what do
you think of the house?
- How far away is the local golf club?
- Come through and have
a look at the yard.
I've grown quite fond of it.
Come through.
- Take my arm, Pop, help me.
- Careful, Nan, you could break a hip.
- Dear, Joy, dear.
- This is appalling.
- I've made some scones.
We'll have them out here, shall we?
- It's good to see you both.
Been too long.
- Is that thing quite safe, Pop?
- A fully grown ram with
a foot rope, I shouldn't
think so, mother, not for a moment.
What's the story, Joy, what
on Earth are you thinking?
- Pop, Cyril is a family pet.
I think Cyril has something
important to say about
the choices we make in this family.
- Cyril has something important to say?
Like what?
Baaaah?
- Outside, things were pretty tense.
But inside my head, things were worse.
Something was brewing in my brain,
like a big, dark scary storm.
- Cyril's my hero.
If it weren't for Cyril,
things would be a lot
soggier around here.
- Hear that?
She's talking!
She's not slow at all.
- That big, dark, scary storm?
Upgrade it to a cyclone.
Slow?
Who says she's slow?
- Can't walk, can't talk,
I hear crawls backwards.
- That baby is perfectly normal.
Well, fairly normal.
- Look, Blob's fine, all right?
She just has weird eating
habits, that's all.
- That's enough, Lockie.
- It was official, my hormones
had cruised into town,
and they were here to stay.
From now on, my brain
was their playground.
Whenever they chose,
they could take it over,
and make me do crazy, dumb things.
- It's all right, Sarge, I'm used to it.
I've always known I've
taken second place to Pop's
nine iron, and Pop always
says my brother and I
are his handicap of two.
- I will not have my wife
playing second fiddle
to a golf baggie.
It's time someone stood up to your father.
I'm thinking of giving
him a piece of my mind.
- No, Sarge, it's all right.
I will manage.
- It was about time someone
told Nan and Pop the truth.
And decided that I was
the man for the job.
Yeah, that'd be right,
talk about the golf links.
You two are the missing links, all right.
So when are you gonna wake up yourselves,
and think about others for once?
One of those crazy, dumb
things hormones make you do.
Say things out loud you
should keep in your head.
- Pop says you're being sullen.
Sullen and abusive.
- Geez, Sarge.
- Calm down, now what's going on?
- What's going on is this,
our flamin' grandparents...
- Are just inside the
house, so keep it down.
- Sorry, but it's hopeless.
They drive me crazy.
And you, and mom.
- They can't help being old.
- I don't mind them being
old, but why do they have to
be troublemakers?
- Because...
They're...
They're your mom's parents, all right?
- Well I know I can't get
a refund, but they need
to be taken down a peg, Sarge.
- Lockie, you are not
helping the situation.
- Now come on.
- I also hoped puberty
didn't mean it was compulsory
to have big fights with your parents.
'Cause I quite liked mine.
So, what's happening,
are you up for your dad's
youth group thing?
- No, no way.
Except, I'm being led on.
- Same.
- It's emotional blackmail.
I may never get over this.
- Okay, yo, we're the Get With
It group and we're on fire.
- He's been practising all day.
- Now, a joke.
- He's so bad.
I feel responsible for him.
- Does anybody know God's first name?
Anybody?
No?
It's Harold.
As in the Lord's prayer.
Harold be thy name.
Pause for laughter.
Yo.
- So right, you can't
let him out on his own.
There they were, hormonal and hormonaler.
I wondered if this was a
sneak preview of my future.
Sorry, too scary!
- Okay, everybody,
wedo do do do do.
Happening.
Yo.
- Warning, warning, hormonal
psychopaths approaching!
Okay, Lockie, stay calm.
Stay calm.
- What are you's two up to?
Apart from wetting yourselves?
- The joy of sharing an
evening of thoughtful
fellowship with like-minded peers.
What about you?
- My dad made me.
- Same.
- Same.
- Same.
- Same.
- Hi there, man, this
is like totally cool.
Gang, yo.
We're gonna all get on.
Okay, right.
Yo.
- Yo.
- So, hey.
- Hay?
Horses eat hay.
She's got a name, you know, so've I.
- It's Vicki, hers.
Her name.
Vicki.
Yeah, absolutely.
- Do you two do everything together?
- Team.
You're at one world.
- Yeah.
- Together forever.
- Yeah.
- Right, okay, gang, yo.
We're the Get With It
group, and we're on heat!
Okay, all right.
A joke.
Now then, hang on, can anybody tell me
Harold's first name?
No, I mean God.
No, no, Harold is thy, sorry.
Wait a minute.
Let's, let's...
Yo.
- Then, just to make
things even better, Rev
gathered us for group discussion.
- So if there was one word
to describe what or who
you see in the mirror, that word would be?
- Daffodil.
- What?
One minute Boof's a psychopath,
the next he's a flower.
What's that about?
Okay, too weird, get me out of here.
Trouble was, everything
I tried to think about
so I wouldn't have to
listen to Boof has made me
even grumpier.
Like, get this, Nan and
Pop kicking me and Phillip
out of our beds and making
us sleep on the living
room floor.
Or maybe it was just the
thought that the more the
hormone thing kicked in, the
more I might turn into that.
- And it worries me at
night, why can't I do
a pee quietly when I
know Annie Mavis is just
outside the toilet door?
- Hi.
There you are.
How's it been going?
- How's it been going?
How's it been going?
Well, funny you should ask.
By now my hormones created
a whole new natural disaster
in my head.
This time it was more
like a volcano, a massive,
angry volcano, spitting
random stuff out everywhere.
And that, Vicki, is how
it's been going, if you
really want to know.
- Yep, okay.
Got that.
- You clam, you idiot!
Why did you go off with Vicki?
You idiotic, idiotic, idiot!
Man, if this is your hormones
at work, those little
guys were taking me places
I didn't want to go.
I also had some apologies to make.
Sorry to disturb you, Mr. Streeton.
I was wondering if I
could possibly have a word
with Vicki?
- Of course, not a problem.
- Vicki, Lockie's here to see you.
- Hi Lockie.
I won't be a second.
For some reason all my
clothes have just fallen off.
- Aargh!
Double argh!
- I wet the bed again.
- I promise you Phil, I'd
rather be in your shoes.
- But I've wet the bed.
It doesn't make any
sense, I did everything.
I stroked Cyril's fleece,
this makes no sense.
- Okay, we'll discuss the science later.
For now, let's prioritise our response.
- Excuse me, I'm in here.
- Sorry, Pop.
- What's he doing?
- I don't know.
- Isn't there any privacy in this house?
- Come on.
- Gosh, Lockie, mom's really
losing it, look at this.
Look at the size of it.
Blob could just about curl
up and sleep in this one.
- Here, let's see.
Hey, wait a minute.
These aren't for Blob.
Look at this, they're Pop's!
- What?
- They're Pop's incontinence pads.
For when he wets the bed.
- What?
Lockie, what are you saying to me?
How old is Pop?
He must be 100, at least.
Don't tell me that I'm
going to be wetting the bed
every night for the next 100 years?
- No, it's just old people sometimes.
They have a problem with their waterworks,
if you know what I mean.
- Let me get this
straight, you wet the bed
when you're very young.
You wet the bed when you're very old.
And in between times, you
wet the bed every time
you dream about a girl in her underwear,
is that what you're saying?
- Or bikini, or shorts.
Pretty much.
Anything will do, really.
- So maybe there'll be this
tiny window when I'm about
56-and-a-half when I can
finally look forward to
a decent night's sleep?
- Excuse me, boys, I may
have left something in the
bathroom, something rather personal.
- Don't worry, Pop, we'll be right out.
- Vicki wants you to ask her out.
If you don't ask her
out pretty soon, she'll
get offended and never talk to you again.
- Okay, so maybe my
10-year-old lip-smacking little
brother had a point.
Unlike me, he was still
able to think clearly.
Puberty wasn't setting
off natural disasters
in his head yet.
- This is my big problem with Lisa.
If I don't make my move
soon, she's going to
start to resent me.
- Come on Phillip, we should
try and get some sleep.
- I don't dare.
- Neither do I.
- Time to put out the lights, Pop.
- Don't worry about me,
Nan, I'll be all right.
- Night, Lockie.
- Night, Phillip.
- Good luck.
- Same to you, mate.
And Pop.
("Worlds Away" by Jebediah)