Lockie Leonard (2007–2010): Season 1, Episode 24 - Barry Goes Pop - full transcript

- Boys and girls,

you are the future of this wonderful town.

- Mr. Streeton was on the campaign

trail to be reelected as mayor.

He was using backdoor tactics.

Dropping into our
classrooms as guest speaker.

Trying to get us kids to tell
our parents to vote for him.

- So I'm not here today
to blow me own trumpet.

I'm not here today to talk to you

about my significant achievements.

Such as the kiddies playground
or the public fountain--



- Yep.

Right now, there was enough hot air

coming out of Mr. Streeton's mouth

to fill a hundred hot air balloons.

And it wasn't the only hot
air rising around Angeles.

- No I'm here today

to talk to you about democracy.

- Pop.

Sorry.

My stomach was filled
with a hundred snakes.

All wriggling and hissing away.

And with every hiss--

Pop.

- Quit farting, baked bean bum.



- There was a good reason for the farts.

Our grandparents were back

to lend a hand while mum was in hospital.

Nan had been watching
cooking shows on the telly.

She was learning abour fusion.

Fusion is when you mix two or more

cooking styles for a new effect.

And this was the effect it had on us.

Pop.

We called them pops.

It was Sarge's idea.

- Pop.

- He thought
if you fart in public

you should at least claim ownership.

- I vow to keep or streets clean

and our children safe.

- Sure, Barry, pull the other one.

You're only interested in supporting

the big end of town and their
dodging development deals.

- He's wrong, you know.

The only thing I'm
interested in is your future.

- Did I tell ya?

Mum's coming home.

- Really?

When?

- Sometime soon, I reckon.

And for good.

- What did she say exactly?

- She kept talking about how
she was dequired of Angeles.

- And you took that to mean?

- She meant the rev.

- Poor Egg.

He really had his hopes
pinned on his mum coming back.

And I wasn't sure she was.

Sounded like more hot air to me.

- I vow to create three more

public holidays in September alone.

I vow to eradicate
algebra from the syllabus.

- Why don't you try coming
home early for once?

- And lollipops for all.

- There were worse things than
a bum filled with fart gas.

And that was a father who was

obsessed with getting re-elected.

This seat taken?

- Only if you sit downwind.

- Didn't you want a free lollipop?

- I'll make you a deal.

I won't hassle you about your farting butt

if you don't hassle me about my old man.

- Was I going to hassle?

- You think he's a prized goose.

- You're a mind reader now.

You don't like him being mayor, do you?

- Something weird happened
when he got those robes.

He changed from this warm, nice guy

into this ego nutcase.

- Well, get rid of the robes.

Make sure he doesn't win the election.

- There aren't even any
other candidates standing.

They're not game enough.

- There must be someone.

Someone with guts.

Energy.

Drive.

- John East?

Run for Mayor?

- Might need some convincing but

I'm sure you'll find a way.

- Vicki.

- Sir.

- School project?

- Dad wants me to measure the beach.

- Why?

- He didn't say.

- Right so he just wanted you to

measure the beach for no reason?

- Not the whole beach.

Just the stretch with the best view.

- This wouldn't have anything to do

with the new development plan?

- He doesn't talk too much
about his business deals.

He saves that conversation
for his building mates.

- And that's how Vicki

convinced John East to run for mayor.

And all because she wanted
her dad home for dinner.

- Robert's down here talking to the hatch.

Jack Nicholas is the
greatest golfer in the W.

- The whole time
we were visiting mum,

Pop didn't say one word to her.

Didn't even look her in the eye.

Instead he and Nan wasted
a lot of hot air on golf.

As much as I wanted to stay with mum,

having Nan and Pop in the same
room wasn't healthy for her.

We might go.

- It's that time already?

- I better get the dinner on.

- Bye Joy.

- Bye.

Family hug.

Thanks kids for being so strong.

This must be really hard for you.

- Don't worry about us, mum.

You just get better.

Come on, Blob.

- Phillip.

- Seat belt, Pop.

In the cater, Pop.

- Right Nan.

- Are you all alright?

- Yeah, we're okay.

- Thank heavens no one was
coming up from behind you.

Pop.

- We would have been totaled.

Pop.

- Roadkill.

Pop.

- Excuse me Sarge, can you
sign this for me please?

- So what are we gonna do, Sarge?

He can't be allowed to drive.

- Look, I'm sure it was just a

momentary lapse of concentration.

- Pop's full of momentary lapses.

Pop.

- He washes his dirty
socks in the kitchen sink.

- Can't concentrate on
whatever he's doing.

His mind wanders.

- Alright, that's enough okay?

Pop.

Here we go, Lisa.

- Thanks.

- Look they're your grandparents.

So I know they might be getting a bit old

but they're doing their best.

And they're a fantastic help with Blob.

- Tiger's got an albatross,
two eagles and three birdies.

- He's a genius that Tiger Woods.

Honestly Lockie, when are
you going to take up golf?

- Hey Pops, you're off target.

Pop couldn't hear me.

Didn't help that he was deaf in one ear.

And had the sports update
piping through the other.

I said Blob likes the food in her mouth.

- That puts him 16 under
going into the final round.

- Here, why don't I take over?

- Thank you Phillip.

- It's Lockie.

The reality was, our
grandparents were older than old.

It was even a little
sad to tell the truth.

And a little terrifying.

- Sorry, just wanted to wash my hands.

I'll come back later.

- Phillip.

Please, not a word to anyone about this.

Especially your grandfather.

Promise?

- The shock of being found out

caused an unusual reaction in Nan.

- Guess what, Nan's bald.

- What?

Completely bald?

Not one hair?

- Don't tell anyone.

- What?

Completely bald?

Not one hair?

- Nan's hiccups lasted all day.

No matter how many different ways

we tried to get rid of them.

- With Egg and Dot's help,

John East's campaign for
mayor was in full swing.

- Wanna hit my place on the weekend?

Listen to some music?

- Maybe.

- You've got something
better to do haven't you?

- It's probably best if I hang around

home for when my mom arrives.

You can wait with me if you want.

- What time's her bus coming?

- I don't know.

- She didn't say that she
was coming this weekend?

- Not so many words.

- Vote early.

Vote often.

What the--

Hold this, kitten.

- Here's trouble.

- What the blazes do
you think you're doing?

- Mr. Streeton, lovely day.

- You're not allowed
to put up bill posters.

It's against council regulation 346.5.

- You put up posters all
around town, Mr. Streeton.

- That's different, I'm the mayor.

- For the moment.

- I demand you take the poster
down immediately, young man.

- Leave it, Egg.

We have every right.

If this is still a
democratic municipality.

- Yes.

And I rule over it.

- You're scared I'm running for election.

- Ha!

Rubbish.

- Well debate me at the
church hall on Friday then.

Prove you're not all hot air.

- Okay.

You're on.

Don't worry, kitten.

They're rank amateurs.

They haven't got a hope.

- Vicki?

- Is your Nan here?

Hi.

I'm Vicki Streeton.

Hello.

- I've heard wonderful
things about your cooking.

- You have?

- And you see, I love to cook.

I was just wondering whether you wouldn't

mind showing some of
your secrets of success.

- Why certainly.

But I'll have to go and
consult my recipe book.

- I was particularly interested
in the Nori fusion rolls.

- Are you crazy?

What do you think is making me

break wind every five minutes?

You're mad.

At the time, I thought
Vicki had lost the plot.

But as usual, she was several
steps ahead of the pack.

- Ready?

- I can be green too, you know?

I'm green as the next bloke.

I just don't like to bang on about it.

You take those condos I had built,

over at Lake Wobagone.

- I didn't think you owned them.

- Well...

Well that depends who's asking.

But that's beside the point, Vicki.

What colour are they?

I'll tell you, they're green.

Green as a blooming apple.

I insisted the builder paint them green

to blend in with the blasted trees.

And that hippie school counsellor thinks

he's the only one who care
about the environment.

- I'm worried though, dad.

John East is younger than you.

- Less experienced.

- Some people might say more energetic.

- People are saying that?

Well I'd like to know what is so

good about being young
and energetic anyway.

- Voters respond to that kind of thing.

- You're right, kitten.

Policy counts for nothing these days.

It's all about appearance.

- I might have just the thing.

Metcrow Biotic Nori rolls.

I got the recipe from a health guru.

No more meat pies, no more roast
dinners with mashed potato.

If you wanna be seen
healthy and win elections,

you're going to have to change your diet.

- Taste like something wrapped in seaweed.

- That's the taste of victory.

- In order to charge someone

you need evidence of wrongdoing, right?

- Right.

- In order to make the charges stick,

you need solid evidence.

- Right.

- Exhibit A.

Dirty golf socks in the kitchen sink.

- Exhibit B.

Golf balls in the egg compartment.

- Where are the eggs?

- Follow me.

- Right, exhibit C.

- Not funny, Sarge.

These people are supposed to be

looking after your beloved children.

- We don't want Nan and Pop locked up.

We just want them to go home

so we can have our lives back.

- Look I know they're
getting a bit forgetful--

- What?

- But they love you.

They're your grandparents.

I reckon those two still
might surprise you.

Hello?

- In the end, it was Sarge
who got the surprise.

- It's all right everybody.

No need to panic, it's just
a tiny scratch on the bumper.

- Pop had driven in the wrong
direction once too often.

- Nothing a little polish

and some elbow grease won't fix.

- Sarge didn't care about
the scratch on the car.

The statue of mum on the other hand.

- You flattened Joy.

- Sarge had no choice but to

cut up Pop's driver's licence.

It was like cutting up Pop's heart.

And by dinner the mood hadn't lifted.

If anything, Nan and Pop
looked even older than before.

- We've booked the bus for
the day after tomorrow.

I'm sorry, I'm afraid we're
too old for this sort of thing.

- I started to feel really bad.

I wanted to do something to cheer them up.

But what could I do?

I couldn't give Nan her hair back.

Or Pop his licence back.

Sometimes life can be really unfair.

On the day of the great debate,

the hall was filled with curious voters.

- You alright dear?

You look a bit puffy.

- People of Angeles--

- Okay, you don't wanna
hear this next bit.

It's just another political speech.

A nice one.

All about protecting the environment.

But a bit dull at the same time.

So I thought we'd watch some of my

classiest surfing
moments from this summer.

Okay, not that one.

This one was better.

Okay, not that one either.

But this one's great.

Okay, we're having trouble
locating my greatest moments.

We'll have to get back
to you at a later point.

- Because the only thing we should

be allowed to build on a beach

is a sandcastle, thank you.

- You're up, dear.

- I need to go to the bathroom.

- You can't, you're on.

- Just have to hold on.

- Good luck, daddy.

- In an attempt to appear

young, hip, groovy and grain,

Mr. Streeton had eaten precisely 96

of Vicki's special Nori rolls.

Strangely, Vicki's dad
hadn't felt the full effects.

Until now.

- Fellow Angelogians.

- Why is he stopping?

- I don't know.

- Come on!

- Sorry, where was I?

Yes.

I think that the most important issue

facing this town at the moment is--

- And then it began.

Quietly at first.

Like the squeak of a mouse.

A very squeaky mouse, playing the bugle.

Not so loud either, not at first.

Like the mouse was
scared of waking the cat.

And Mr. Streeton tried to

pretend that nothing was happening.

- I would like to say that the most

important issue facing our town at

the moment is the wonderful,
natural environment--

- It was no longer like a mouse.

More like a lion.

And it was playing the bassoon.

And it was playing it loud and mean.

On it went.

With such power that it tore a hole

in the backside of Mr. Streeton's pants.

The aftershock tore through
Angeles like a cyclone.

And the sound echoed around all over town.

And into our house.

And that's when a truly
amazing thing happened.

- Pop.

- Blob said her very first word.

- You hear that?

The baby spoke.

Did you head that Nan?

She spoke.

She said my name.

She said, "Pop".

You heard her boys.

She said Pop.

Didn't you sweetheart?

- Well...

- Suddenly I saw a
chance to make things right.

I did.

I heard her.

Blob said Pop.

- See?

See?

Say it again, sweetheart.

Come on, I know you can do it.

Say, "Pop".

- And although a lot of people

might think it gross,

I did what I thought was right.

- Pop

- See?

See?

- Pop had suddenly
got his spring in his step.

- You clever baby, we must
go and see your mother

and tell her what you've been doing.

- Steady on, Pop.

Have you forgotten?

We can't--

We can't drive, remember?

- We'll catch a cab.

I'll get the expense.

This is the greatest moment

since Armstrong walked on the moon.

- Mr. Streeton lost the election

due to his gigantic pop.

People were disgusted.

- Dad, they need the mayor robes back.

- No!

I'm keeping them.

- Fine.

But will you at least come in?

Mom's cooking a roast dinner.

- With mashed potato?

- And peas.

- And Vicki
Streeton got what she wanted.

A father home for dinner
by a reasonable hour.

And Egg got what he wanted.

- Mom!

- Joy, listen.

Go on, Blob.

- Pop.

- And again.

- Pop.

- Mom was in on the gag.

But it didn't matter.

Blob had spoken, that's what counted.

Mom was thrilled to bits, everyone was.

And then, in all the excitement,

Nan decided to come clean.

- Everybody.

Everybody, I have an announcement to make.

Well, really it's more of a show and tell.

- I knew, you know.

- And with her secret out,

Nan never hiccuped again.

Sarge was right.

Leave aside all the hot air.

Even ancient and crinkly
old forgetful people

are capable of surprising you.