Lockie Leonard (2007–2010): Season 1, Episode 15 - The Ladder of Love - full transcript
Lockie and Vicki are back on. And unlike before, Lockie takes the public attention in his stride.
- Well, um.
I first met Joy when I was
forced to arrest her father, Pop.
So, it was hardly the ideal
circumstance, I'm sure
you'll agree.
- Okay, heres my question.
When people say they're, "in
love," what do they mean?
And how do you really know?
- Joy and I started to talk,
and I suppose the old, um.
Leonard charm kicked in there?
- How come the other
person feels exactly the same
thing, at the same time?
How does this stuff work?
- And you know how you do, I suppose,
I just started seeing
Sarge everywhere I went.
You pulled me over for having
a defective brake light.
Then he called me into the
station, it was questioning for.
It was armed robbery wasn't it?
Armed robbery.
- Yep, armed rob.
- And all the while, we were just.
Tumbling head over heels in love.
- Absolutely and completely.
- So why am I asking
these questions about love?
Because I was on fire!
Lockie Leonard was all fired up.
I was holding a flaming Olympic
torch for Vicki Streeton.
We were hot as!
Of course, this is how it
should have been weeks ago.
Until I stuffed it up.
Whatever was wrong back then
was feeling better than right,
right now.
I was back in the game.
Vicki and I were on together,
I guess that meant it was game
on.
Not only that, we were drawing a crowd
and the weird thing was, the
more the word got around,
the more popular we became.
Okay, so that's what I was,
I was Vicki's new boyfriend.
Well, that's something.
Hey, it's everything!
What?
- I don't want to ask you this.
- What is it?
- We're mates, okay?
And because were mates, people
want me to ask about you and
Vicki, and the ladder.
- What ladder?
I don't know what you're talking about.
- Yes, you do!
The ladder of love!
Step one, holding hands.
Step ten, getting arrested!
Which step are you guys on?
- I don't know.
Who's counting?
Who would even care?
- Look, the whole schools counting.
You're front page news.
- Well, you don't have
to be a part of it too.
- Mate, Ive had people
coming up to me all week.
Look, I'm almost popular!
- I don't know what step
on the ladder we've got to.
Whats step two?
- I don't know.
You're the one getting the action!
- That doesn't make me an expert.
I'm just making it up as I go along.
Talk to somebody who knows.
- Step one is holding hands.
Step two is a kiss on the lips.
Steps three through to ten are
available to approved members
only.
To register please provide
your parents' credit
card details in the box provided.
Remember, new members
will receive their very
own copy of Lockie's
mom little green book.
- Okay, so it was becoming
clear that once you're a
somebody, your every
move attracts attention.
This was gonna take some getting used to.
I didn't know if I was "in
love" with Vicki or not.
I still didn't know what that meant yet.
All I was thinking was, "There's
this awesome girl, and she
likes me."
Over and over.
- Lockie, Lockie, Lockie, Lockie, Lockie!
Lockie, Ive been thinking.
It might be time I had a squiz
at Mum's little green book.
I'm worried my relationship
with Lisa is running on the
spot.
- You haven't got a
relationship with Lisa.
- Relationships have to change,
Lockie, they just cant stay
the same.
As soon as you start
taking things for granted,
the romance dies, things get
boring and then it's over.
That's why things have cooled
off between Lisa and me.
It's like there's a ladder that
we'd been climbing together.
- I know, the ladder of love.
- And we'd climbed so high,
then Lisa paused to look
around and admire the view.
- And John East hopped in?
- I still cant believe its true.
What does John East got that I haven't?
- A pay check.
A car.
A beard.
- They're just decorations.
Lockie, if I had one piece
of advice from my experience,
in your relationship, you
can never, ever relax.
- I'm bored.
- And just on the off-chance,
do you know if John East wets
the bed?
- Suddenly, there was
a lot to think about.
But at least I knew Mum and
Dad were thrilled for me.
Mum especially.
- This is the beginning
of the end, isn't it?
Our little family.
This is the first hint
that one day
there'll be someone in Lockie's
life that he loves more than
us.
He'll move out of home
and visit us on Sundays.
Then he'll decide we all
lead such busy lives,
a phone calls as good as a visit.
Only we won't be busy.
We'll still be sitting here.
We'll, you'll be reading your poetry,
and I'll have found something
new to stress about.
Is that what it means, Sarge?
Sarge?
- Yes?
- Is that what it means?
Our work here is done.
- Hey.
Hey.
Take it easy, don't go throwing
yourself on the scrapheap
just yet.
- I wish I'd never given him
that little green book in the
first place.
Maybe I should get it back.
- Maybe.
- You know.
Just to see what page he's up to.
Make sure he's not getting
ahead of himself, stepwise.
- Mum needn't have worried.
I barely knew what the steps were.
But with everyone in
town wondering which one
Vicki and I were on and me needing to keep
our relationship fresh
and interesting, maybe
it was time to refer to the user's manual.
Mum's little green book
said to start at step 25.
And then shoot off into the stratosphere.
- Lockie, here's your lunch.
I've put a couple of cupcakes in for.
I'll, um, I'll.
I'll leave you to, to.
Whatever it is you were doing.
Good.
- Good.
Good, fine then.
- Fine.
Lovely, well that's good.
- Okay, Lockie, you know
what you have to do.
Keep things fresh and interesting.
So what do you think about global warming?
Terrible, isn't it?
- Excuse me?
You do?
- Trouble was, all those
pictures from the little
green book have burnt
themselves into my brain.
- What, what's in it?
Let me see.
- No no no.
Okay, the problem is.
Look, whatever we do, wherever
we go, we draw a crowd.
So, how do we get some time
on our own to advance our
relationship?
To keep it fresh and interesting?
- I don't know.
Go on a date, I suppose.
- So here we were, finally on our own,
at a place suggested by Vicki.
- Hi.
- You look pretty.
- Thank you.
- No problem, I'm a natural born suck!
So, this is interesting.
Trees!
And more trees!
And over there too!
- Hey, there's something I want
to show you, its a bit of a
trek though.
- No, cool, lets do it.
- Follow me.
Just here.
- Whats this?
- The old fort, I used to
play here as a kid, they built
them in the war.
Come on!
Are you coming?
- Is it safe?
Was this step three on the ladder of love?
Going to dark scary
places alone with a girl
and having no idea what
you're meant to do next?
I didn't know.
But suddenly I felt like it
would be good to have a crowd.
- You wouldn't find this
in the city, would you?
- You wouldn't need to.
- City people always think they're better.
- Hey, Vicki, heres an idea,
let's get out of here before we
slip on something and break our necks.
- Yep, fine.
Whatever his lordship wants.
- Hang on!
Vicki, wait, Vicki!
Vicki! Wait!
Don't run off, whats wrong?
- Nothing.
- That's it, game over.
She's gonna drop me like a hot potato.
I'm sorry.
- This was my favourite
place as a kid, all right?
I was gonna show you.
I thought you might like it.
- All right!
Its just.
- It doesn't matter.
- Maybe I should go.
- That's just great!
Now you're gonna dump me a second time?
I don't even know what I
did the first time round!
- You dumped me!
- That's because you lost interest in me.
- No, it wasn't!
Its because I'm stupid.
'Cause I'm so totally stupid.
Just ask anyone in the whole world.
Okay, then, this is making sense.
Yeah, totally expected this.
- Gee, Lock, you've
gotta learn how to relax.
You just kissed me, like
you really meant it.
- Yeah, well maybe I do really mean it.
- Don't go thinking you're a real spunk.
You're still Lockie Leonard,
who can't get out of his
wetsuit and has obviously kissed
no-one, but his mum before.
- I can do better.
I promise.
I just need time and practise.
- Come on, lets get out of here.
Did you want to come back to my place?
- Okay, what do I feel like?
I feel sensational yet confused.
I didn't realise you could
be sliding down the ladder of
love as well as climbing back
up again both at the same
time.
As opposed to Philip, who
was in total freefall.
Do it, Philip.
You have to know the truth
however terrible that may be.
- Philip!
How are you?
- Er, frantic, its the
Blue Light disco next week.
Major event.
Months of planning.
Er, were you thinking of coming possibly?
- Philip, it was my idea!
I'm running it.
Ill be there all night, supervising.
- Of course you will, yes.
I was just checking the
numbers for the punch.
- You're making the punch?
- Family tradition!
So, just so I can get the
numbers down for the punch.
Were you thinking of coming alone?
- Yeah, yeah I'll be
going to the disco alone.
- That's excellent!
That's okay, er, just
so its totally clear,
were you thinking of leaving
any spare boyfriends at home?
If you have one!
Do you have one in fact?
- Um, no.
Well.
Not really, no.
- That's excellent.
I'll make a note of that.
No new boyfriends on the horizon.
- Where are your oldies?
- At the yacht club.
- So they're not here?
Just us?
- Dads showing off his new boat.
Its pretty gross, hey?
- I wouldn't say no to a new yacht.
- You know what's gross is
the kind of people they are.
All money and no taste.
- That was a bit heavy!
I don't think there's
been a day in my life
where I hadn't thought
Sarge and Mum were ace.
- What are you thinking,
Mr Tick Tick Tick?
- Are your mum and dad happy?
- With each other?
No.
They fight like politicians.
It's only the money that's
keeping them together.
- I was hearing all this
stuff from Vickis head
that no-one else had ever heard before.
- Sorry, don't get mad at me.
- I don't think I was going to.
- That's okay then.
In fact, the more Vicki let
on, the more I wanted to take
care of her.
Mum always said that having
us kids made her and Sarge
really happy.
- I bet.
- You have any brothers or sisters?
- A brother, but he's much older.
That's him there.
- I haven't seen him around your house.
- No you wouldn't have.
Collin got into drugs so dad kicked him
out and we haven't see him since.
Come on.
- Sometimes you don't sound
like you're the happiest person
in the world.
- No, but I'm the nicest.
Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.
- What am I thinking?
You know.
Global warming.
How much I'd like to kiss you.
- Are we serious?
- We're popular.
Why does everyone in the world
want to know what step were
up to?
- I don't know.
Lockie, do you like me, even
though I'm stuffed up and
totally crazed?
- No, it makes it even better.
- You'll watch me in class
for weeks, won't you?
- I'm always watching you.
I mean, in a good way.
Vicki looked gorgeous and I
think she was asking me if I was
in love with her, which was
a tough question to answer
because I had no idea what it meant.
- So what do you reckon the
rest of the world thinks we've
been up to?
You know.
I reckon everybody thinks
were up to step three.
Do you know what step four is?
- Why, so you can run back
and tell all your friends?
- Okay here's the problem,
what follows is you know.
Well it's a bit, you know.
Maybe you should just leave
the little green book.
Page 66.
Okay anyway so meanwhile.
Global warming, did you
know that Australia.
- My mum and dad!
- Well, I need to take it, I'm sorry!
- You don't need it!
You two behaving yourselves?
- Er, this is Lockie.
I know you, Dads a cop.
Clapped out Volvo.
- Hurry up, people are
waiting for us at the club.
- Yeah, yeah, I just
need to get my PalmPilot.
Here it is!
You see this, Larry?
Two gigabytes of memory, 500
bucks, I get it for four.
- Well done, you, now can we get going?
- And Lenny?
Tell your dad I'm an honest
man, will you do that for me?
- Barry, we're leaving now, thank you.
- I need a kiss!
- I need an ambulance.
- The important thing about being in love,
certainly with Barry and me,
well, you have to keep an
eye on the big picture.
- You have to ask yourself
the hard questions.
Whats the story?
What is it that really keeps us together?
- Is it the kids?
- Is it the business?
Is it the house?
The property ladder?
What's the cement here?
- Because everything else.
- Love, your children.
- They all come and go, but
bricks and mortar, that lasts
forever.
- That's money in the bank.
- Our first date had been amazing.
But at the same time I felt as though
I'd just been through boot
camp with Vicki's stuffed up
family.
- Lockie, you all right?
You look a bit feverish.
- I'm fine, Mum.
- You know I have always trusted you.
That's why I know you would
never do anything or take any
steps.
- Mum, please!
Everything's okay.
You're better than all the
other mums in the world.
- Sit down.
Now, Sarge and I have been
talking and given your special
friendship with Vicki, we
think it would be lovely if she
could bring her parents around for tea.
I guess they call you Sarge, mostly.
- Yeah, Sarge.
- Sarge and Mum, clearly.
- Yeah, Mum, too.
- But you're Sarge.
- I'm mainly Sarge, yeah, Sarge. Um.
"Hey, you," occasionally,
that comes into it.
"Hey, you."
What about you?
- Well.
We've always been very
comfortable with Christian names,
we encourage Vicki to
call us Barry and Sally.
- That way we're all on the same page!
- I hate them wanting me to
call them by their first names.
It's as if they never actually
wanted to become parents.
- I'm thinking there's this awesome girl
and she really needs me.
- The ladder of love?
I reckon there's two of them actually.
Ones about how far you can
get, kissing a girl and stuff.
But the other ones about falling in love.
So I didn't go back to that smelly fort
because I wanted to kiss Vicki especially.
I went back because I figured out
this was something that
Vicki really needed.
This must have been Vickis safe place.
You spend your whole life
thinking how great it would be to
have a girlfriend.
But you never think what you're
gonna do once you get one.
Well, apart from the obvious stuff.
- Calm down, Rover.
- You never think there's
a real person there
who you should try and get to
know, try and make them happy.
- Lockie.
I love you.
- I still didn't know what love meant.
But whatever I was feeling felt right.
Better than anything I'd ever felt before.
And that was something!
I first met Joy when I was
forced to arrest her father, Pop.
So, it was hardly the ideal
circumstance, I'm sure
you'll agree.
- Okay, heres my question.
When people say they're, "in
love," what do they mean?
And how do you really know?
- Joy and I started to talk,
and I suppose the old, um.
Leonard charm kicked in there?
- How come the other
person feels exactly the same
thing, at the same time?
How does this stuff work?
- And you know how you do, I suppose,
I just started seeing
Sarge everywhere I went.
You pulled me over for having
a defective brake light.
Then he called me into the
station, it was questioning for.
It was armed robbery wasn't it?
Armed robbery.
- Yep, armed rob.
- And all the while, we were just.
Tumbling head over heels in love.
- Absolutely and completely.
- So why am I asking
these questions about love?
Because I was on fire!
Lockie Leonard was all fired up.
I was holding a flaming Olympic
torch for Vicki Streeton.
We were hot as!
Of course, this is how it
should have been weeks ago.
Until I stuffed it up.
Whatever was wrong back then
was feeling better than right,
right now.
I was back in the game.
Vicki and I were on together,
I guess that meant it was game
on.
Not only that, we were drawing a crowd
and the weird thing was, the
more the word got around,
the more popular we became.
Okay, so that's what I was,
I was Vicki's new boyfriend.
Well, that's something.
Hey, it's everything!
What?
- I don't want to ask you this.
- What is it?
- We're mates, okay?
And because were mates, people
want me to ask about you and
Vicki, and the ladder.
- What ladder?
I don't know what you're talking about.
- Yes, you do!
The ladder of love!
Step one, holding hands.
Step ten, getting arrested!
Which step are you guys on?
- I don't know.
Who's counting?
Who would even care?
- Look, the whole schools counting.
You're front page news.
- Well, you don't have
to be a part of it too.
- Mate, Ive had people
coming up to me all week.
Look, I'm almost popular!
- I don't know what step
on the ladder we've got to.
Whats step two?
- I don't know.
You're the one getting the action!
- That doesn't make me an expert.
I'm just making it up as I go along.
Talk to somebody who knows.
- Step one is holding hands.
Step two is a kiss on the lips.
Steps three through to ten are
available to approved members
only.
To register please provide
your parents' credit
card details in the box provided.
Remember, new members
will receive their very
own copy of Lockie's
mom little green book.
- Okay, so it was becoming
clear that once you're a
somebody, your every
move attracts attention.
This was gonna take some getting used to.
I didn't know if I was "in
love" with Vicki or not.
I still didn't know what that meant yet.
All I was thinking was, "There's
this awesome girl, and she
likes me."
Over and over.
- Lockie, Lockie, Lockie, Lockie, Lockie!
Lockie, Ive been thinking.
It might be time I had a squiz
at Mum's little green book.
I'm worried my relationship
with Lisa is running on the
spot.
- You haven't got a
relationship with Lisa.
- Relationships have to change,
Lockie, they just cant stay
the same.
As soon as you start
taking things for granted,
the romance dies, things get
boring and then it's over.
That's why things have cooled
off between Lisa and me.
It's like there's a ladder that
we'd been climbing together.
- I know, the ladder of love.
- And we'd climbed so high,
then Lisa paused to look
around and admire the view.
- And John East hopped in?
- I still cant believe its true.
What does John East got that I haven't?
- A pay check.
A car.
A beard.
- They're just decorations.
Lockie, if I had one piece
of advice from my experience,
in your relationship, you
can never, ever relax.
- I'm bored.
- And just on the off-chance,
do you know if John East wets
the bed?
- Suddenly, there was
a lot to think about.
But at least I knew Mum and
Dad were thrilled for me.
Mum especially.
- This is the beginning
of the end, isn't it?
Our little family.
This is the first hint
that one day
there'll be someone in Lockie's
life that he loves more than
us.
He'll move out of home
and visit us on Sundays.
Then he'll decide we all
lead such busy lives,
a phone calls as good as a visit.
Only we won't be busy.
We'll still be sitting here.
We'll, you'll be reading your poetry,
and I'll have found something
new to stress about.
Is that what it means, Sarge?
Sarge?
- Yes?
- Is that what it means?
Our work here is done.
- Hey.
Hey.
Take it easy, don't go throwing
yourself on the scrapheap
just yet.
- I wish I'd never given him
that little green book in the
first place.
Maybe I should get it back.
- Maybe.
- You know.
Just to see what page he's up to.
Make sure he's not getting
ahead of himself, stepwise.
- Mum needn't have worried.
I barely knew what the steps were.
But with everyone in
town wondering which one
Vicki and I were on and me needing to keep
our relationship fresh
and interesting, maybe
it was time to refer to the user's manual.
Mum's little green book
said to start at step 25.
And then shoot off into the stratosphere.
- Lockie, here's your lunch.
I've put a couple of cupcakes in for.
I'll, um, I'll.
I'll leave you to, to.
Whatever it is you were doing.
Good.
- Good.
Good, fine then.
- Fine.
Lovely, well that's good.
- Okay, Lockie, you know
what you have to do.
Keep things fresh and interesting.
So what do you think about global warming?
Terrible, isn't it?
- Excuse me?
You do?
- Trouble was, all those
pictures from the little
green book have burnt
themselves into my brain.
- What, what's in it?
Let me see.
- No no no.
Okay, the problem is.
Look, whatever we do, wherever
we go, we draw a crowd.
So, how do we get some time
on our own to advance our
relationship?
To keep it fresh and interesting?
- I don't know.
Go on a date, I suppose.
- So here we were, finally on our own,
at a place suggested by Vicki.
- Hi.
- You look pretty.
- Thank you.
- No problem, I'm a natural born suck!
So, this is interesting.
Trees!
And more trees!
And over there too!
- Hey, there's something I want
to show you, its a bit of a
trek though.
- No, cool, lets do it.
- Follow me.
Just here.
- Whats this?
- The old fort, I used to
play here as a kid, they built
them in the war.
Come on!
Are you coming?
- Is it safe?
Was this step three on the ladder of love?
Going to dark scary
places alone with a girl
and having no idea what
you're meant to do next?
I didn't know.
But suddenly I felt like it
would be good to have a crowd.
- You wouldn't find this
in the city, would you?
- You wouldn't need to.
- City people always think they're better.
- Hey, Vicki, heres an idea,
let's get out of here before we
slip on something and break our necks.
- Yep, fine.
Whatever his lordship wants.
- Hang on!
Vicki, wait, Vicki!
Vicki! Wait!
Don't run off, whats wrong?
- Nothing.
- That's it, game over.
She's gonna drop me like a hot potato.
I'm sorry.
- This was my favourite
place as a kid, all right?
I was gonna show you.
I thought you might like it.
- All right!
Its just.
- It doesn't matter.
- Maybe I should go.
- That's just great!
Now you're gonna dump me a second time?
I don't even know what I
did the first time round!
- You dumped me!
- That's because you lost interest in me.
- No, it wasn't!
Its because I'm stupid.
'Cause I'm so totally stupid.
Just ask anyone in the whole world.
Okay, then, this is making sense.
Yeah, totally expected this.
- Gee, Lock, you've
gotta learn how to relax.
You just kissed me, like
you really meant it.
- Yeah, well maybe I do really mean it.
- Don't go thinking you're a real spunk.
You're still Lockie Leonard,
who can't get out of his
wetsuit and has obviously kissed
no-one, but his mum before.
- I can do better.
I promise.
I just need time and practise.
- Come on, lets get out of here.
Did you want to come back to my place?
- Okay, what do I feel like?
I feel sensational yet confused.
I didn't realise you could
be sliding down the ladder of
love as well as climbing back
up again both at the same
time.
As opposed to Philip, who
was in total freefall.
Do it, Philip.
You have to know the truth
however terrible that may be.
- Philip!
How are you?
- Er, frantic, its the
Blue Light disco next week.
Major event.
Months of planning.
Er, were you thinking of coming possibly?
- Philip, it was my idea!
I'm running it.
Ill be there all night, supervising.
- Of course you will, yes.
I was just checking the
numbers for the punch.
- You're making the punch?
- Family tradition!
So, just so I can get the
numbers down for the punch.
Were you thinking of coming alone?
- Yeah, yeah I'll be
going to the disco alone.
- That's excellent!
That's okay, er, just
so its totally clear,
were you thinking of leaving
any spare boyfriends at home?
If you have one!
Do you have one in fact?
- Um, no.
Well.
Not really, no.
- That's excellent.
I'll make a note of that.
No new boyfriends on the horizon.
- Where are your oldies?
- At the yacht club.
- So they're not here?
Just us?
- Dads showing off his new boat.
Its pretty gross, hey?
- I wouldn't say no to a new yacht.
- You know what's gross is
the kind of people they are.
All money and no taste.
- That was a bit heavy!
I don't think there's
been a day in my life
where I hadn't thought
Sarge and Mum were ace.
- What are you thinking,
Mr Tick Tick Tick?
- Are your mum and dad happy?
- With each other?
No.
They fight like politicians.
It's only the money that's
keeping them together.
- I was hearing all this
stuff from Vickis head
that no-one else had ever heard before.
- Sorry, don't get mad at me.
- I don't think I was going to.
- That's okay then.
In fact, the more Vicki let
on, the more I wanted to take
care of her.
Mum always said that having
us kids made her and Sarge
really happy.
- I bet.
- You have any brothers or sisters?
- A brother, but he's much older.
That's him there.
- I haven't seen him around your house.
- No you wouldn't have.
Collin got into drugs so dad kicked him
out and we haven't see him since.
Come on.
- Sometimes you don't sound
like you're the happiest person
in the world.
- No, but I'm the nicest.
Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.
- What am I thinking?
You know.
Global warming.
How much I'd like to kiss you.
- Are we serious?
- We're popular.
Why does everyone in the world
want to know what step were
up to?
- I don't know.
Lockie, do you like me, even
though I'm stuffed up and
totally crazed?
- No, it makes it even better.
- You'll watch me in class
for weeks, won't you?
- I'm always watching you.
I mean, in a good way.
Vicki looked gorgeous and I
think she was asking me if I was
in love with her, which was
a tough question to answer
because I had no idea what it meant.
- So what do you reckon the
rest of the world thinks we've
been up to?
You know.
I reckon everybody thinks
were up to step three.
Do you know what step four is?
- Why, so you can run back
and tell all your friends?
- Okay here's the problem,
what follows is you know.
Well it's a bit, you know.
Maybe you should just leave
the little green book.
Page 66.
Okay anyway so meanwhile.
Global warming, did you
know that Australia.
- My mum and dad!
- Well, I need to take it, I'm sorry!
- You don't need it!
You two behaving yourselves?
- Er, this is Lockie.
I know you, Dads a cop.
Clapped out Volvo.
- Hurry up, people are
waiting for us at the club.
- Yeah, yeah, I just
need to get my PalmPilot.
Here it is!
You see this, Larry?
Two gigabytes of memory, 500
bucks, I get it for four.
- Well done, you, now can we get going?
- And Lenny?
Tell your dad I'm an honest
man, will you do that for me?
- Barry, we're leaving now, thank you.
- I need a kiss!
- I need an ambulance.
- The important thing about being in love,
certainly with Barry and me,
well, you have to keep an
eye on the big picture.
- You have to ask yourself
the hard questions.
Whats the story?
What is it that really keeps us together?
- Is it the kids?
- Is it the business?
Is it the house?
The property ladder?
What's the cement here?
- Because everything else.
- Love, your children.
- They all come and go, but
bricks and mortar, that lasts
forever.
- That's money in the bank.
- Our first date had been amazing.
But at the same time I felt as though
I'd just been through boot
camp with Vicki's stuffed up
family.
- Lockie, you all right?
You look a bit feverish.
- I'm fine, Mum.
- You know I have always trusted you.
That's why I know you would
never do anything or take any
steps.
- Mum, please!
Everything's okay.
You're better than all the
other mums in the world.
- Sit down.
Now, Sarge and I have been
talking and given your special
friendship with Vicki, we
think it would be lovely if she
could bring her parents around for tea.
I guess they call you Sarge, mostly.
- Yeah, Sarge.
- Sarge and Mum, clearly.
- Yeah, Mum, too.
- But you're Sarge.
- I'm mainly Sarge, yeah, Sarge. Um.
"Hey, you," occasionally,
that comes into it.
"Hey, you."
What about you?
- Well.
We've always been very
comfortable with Christian names,
we encourage Vicki to
call us Barry and Sally.
- That way we're all on the same page!
- I hate them wanting me to
call them by their first names.
It's as if they never actually
wanted to become parents.
- I'm thinking there's this awesome girl
and she really needs me.
- The ladder of love?
I reckon there's two of them actually.
Ones about how far you can
get, kissing a girl and stuff.
But the other ones about falling in love.
So I didn't go back to that smelly fort
because I wanted to kiss Vicki especially.
I went back because I figured out
this was something that
Vicki really needed.
This must have been Vickis safe place.
You spend your whole life
thinking how great it would be to
have a girlfriend.
But you never think what you're
gonna do once you get one.
Well, apart from the obvious stuff.
- Calm down, Rover.
- You never think there's
a real person there
who you should try and get to
know, try and make them happy.
- Lockie.
I love you.
- I still didn't know what love meant.
But whatever I was feeling felt right.
Better than anything I'd ever felt before.
And that was something!