Lockie Leonard (2007–2010): Season 1, Episode 13 - It's Not You, It's Me - full transcript

- I'm Lockie Leonard.

This is my show and tell,

and I brought something
pretty cool to show you.

This is my new car.

It's a vintage 1962 Commer Van.

The ultimate surfing safari vehicle.

A total classic.

- Actually, I'm fibbing about the car.

I don't have a car.

Although one day, I will
have one just like this.

What I do have is



Well, I have a few problems.

Check it out.

First off, I live near a polluted river.

My friend Egg and I went swimming there,

and I got really sick, and puked.

That's a problem.

And then there's my girlfriend, Dot.

This is her.

She's eleven and in primary school.

She doesn't care about
pollution in the river.

Egg's right, Dot doesn't
care about anything.

Besides surfing.

My problem is, I wanna break up with Dot,

but I don't know how.



What do you say?

Now, I would ask my mum, but she's

She's been acting weird lately.

- Dad!

But it's Captain Chicken!

It's not like some "Who
cares" kind of show

that we can afford to miss.

It's not like the news.

We're talking about the captain!

The chicken!

Dad, please!

- Phillip, listen.

- Listen to what?

- Radiation.

- What?

- That's radiation from outer space,

some of it from the Big Bang itself.

Do you understand?

- Dad!

- Breakwater.

Seven down is breakwater.

Three across: three pouch
marsupial starting with V.

Anyone?

- We're witnessing the dawn of creation,

the birth of the universe.

- We're missing Captain Chicken!

I'm doing him at school
today, at show and tell.

I have to watch this, for research!

- Tougher than tough, hotter than hot.

I am Captain Chicken!

- Mom, I need five minutes of the captain!

Just five minutes.

- Be your own captain.

Be your own Captain Chicken.

- Sarge, what's up with Mum?

She's been staring at the TV for days.

- People do that all the time.

- Yeah, but when it's tuned to a channel.

- Your mother's a visionary.

Eat your breakfast.

- I can
tell when Sarge is fibbing,

and he was fibbing right now.

He was worried about Mum,
but trying to hide it.

Which meant he must've
been really worried.

- Come on, I'll walk you to school.

- You're supposed to keep show and tell

to five minutes, max,
but people go on and on!

It was supposed to be
my turn two weeks ago!

But Dino Flake brought
in this crayfish thing

and banged on forever!

Then I missed out last week too.

Why are you coming to my school?

You coming to see Dot?

Wow, that's romance.

- Hardly.

I'm gonna break up with her.

- After all the work I
did getting you together?

You wanna talk about it?

- Yeah, I wanna talk about it.

With Dot.

- Hold this.

I'll go get her for you.

- What are you doing?

- Hey.

- Hey Dot, listen.

I need to talk to you.

- I really need a favour.

- Yeah okay, but I need to talk to you.

- We can talk later.

- Where are you taking me?

What's the favour?

- I just need your help with something.

I'm desperate.

Okay, my name's Dot.

And this is my show and tell.

- Thank you, Dot, for
being so on the ball.

Please continue.

- I've brought something pretty special.

This is my boyfriend.

He's named Lockie.

- Shh, quiet everyone.

- We've been together for two weeks.

Anyway, Lockie can tell you all about it.

I wished I could crawl

into the ground and disappear.

Bet this never happened
to Captain Chicken.

By the end of the day, the gossip network

was cranked full tilt.

Everybody knew about my latest disaster,

including Vicki Streeton.

- Show and tell?

Dot's hardcore, man she's hardcore.

- Hey, it's Mr. Show and Tell,
right outta primary school.

- You wanna make a run for it?

- Captain Chicken wouldn't run.

- Be your own captain.

Be your own Captain Chicken.

- Lockie, could you please
be my show and tell?

Please?

You tell me something, and
I'll show you something.

- I am Captain Chicken!

I am Captain Chicken!

- I think I just got pecked.

- Tougher than tough, harder than hard.

This Captain Chicken
thing was working for me!

- My name's Boof, and
this is show and tell.

And what I'm showing are my boots.

As you can see, I'm shaking in my boots,

because I messed with Captain Chicken.

And believe me, don't
mess with Captain Chicken.

You'll regret it.

- You took Boof down!

I still don't understand how you did it!

- It's Captain Chicken.

The moment you become your own captain,

you get the job done.

- Right on, Captain.

- Follow me.

- As the Egg follows the Chicken.

Where are we going, Captain?

- I'm going to break up with Dot.

- Okay,
so I was a little nervous

but Dot would be fine, right?

She's got other interests,
surfing, cartoons, she's

standing right in front of me.

- Hi.

- He was just talking about you.

- You said that you wanted to
talk to me about something.

- I did? Really?

Are you sure about that?

No, actually I did.

I have something to say.

I am Captain Chicken!

I am Captain Chicken!

Where'd he go?

The captain can't bail on me now!

I wanted to talk to you
about the pollution.

At the factory.

- What about it?

- We have to do something about it.

- Is that all you wanted?

- It's important.

- I'm going for a surf.

You wanna come?

- I can't.

I have to go to a meeting at the factory.

You know, sort the whole thing out.

- Well, can I see you later?

- Yeah, yeah.

See you later.

- Yeah, Captain Chicken sure showed her!

- You need to pick the right
moment to become the captain.

- Right, and since when do we
go to meeting at the factory?

- Since now.

- Boys!

Wally Norton.

I was at your meeting the other day,

about the pollution in the river.

You made a great speech!

- Thanks, thanks a lot!

- No, thank you.

I think it's great what
you boys are doing.

Have you spoken to
anyone up at the factory?

- We're thinking of going up there today.

We're gonna have a meeting, apparently.

- Do it!

Get up there!

Give those pirates a serve!

Don't let 'em lie to you.

You know, they're running that factory

under strict environmental guidelines.

- You reckon?

- Of course they're not!

That's just the sort of
rubbish they'll tell you.

But don't you believe 'em, aye?

You gotta be tough.

- I could do tough.

As long as it doesn't involve
dumping anyone, I'm there.

- You gotta be tough.

You gotta believe.

I am Captain Chicken!

We're gonna sort out this pollution thing.

We're gonna be tough.

- Hard!

- Straight up!

- No nonsense!

- I'm Captain Chicken.

- And I'm the Egg-meister.

And we want answers!

- Tougher than tough, harder than hard.

- You again?

- You don't know who you're messing with.

Listen buddy, he's a captain.

- This factory is polluting
the river, and we want answers.

- This factory's not polluting anything.

- Yeah it is!

You can see where the outflow
pipe pours into the river.

- Well that's not used anymore.

We operate under strict
environmental guidelines.

- Rubbish!

That's exactly the sort
of thing I've been told

to expect from you.

- You tell 'em, Captain.

- You're not gonna get away with this.

We'll protest!

- We'll protest some more.

- Exactly.

So you better look out.

I'll be back.

- So Captain Chicken

was making real progress in
his fight against the factory.

But he still hadn't helped
me break the news to Dot.

But it's gonna happen, I'm sure of it.

Once I've had a surf.

- Lockie, just in time.

We're having a mixed grill.

- Again.

- Please, no such thing
as too much mixed grill!

- Where's Mum?

- Look at this.

- Yeah?

Mum, there's nothing on either channel.

- Yeah, but the radiation's
much better on eight.

Much better than it is on 11.

- While I was trying to figure out

how to cure Mum's obsession
with the blank TV,

the Egg-meister was having
mum problems of his own.

- My name's Mrs. Egg, and
this is my show and tell.

I've spent years working at my art.

I had a whole bunch of
stuff I wanted to show.

And so much to tell.

But then, nobody wanted to buy it.

And so I started to think
that none of it was any good!

And so I sold it all for scrap.

And now, there's nothing to show.

And nothing to tell.

What about you, Joy?

- My name is Joy Leonard,
and as far as I'm concerned,

this is the ultimate show and tell.

- Show and tell sucks.

I never get to have my turn.

- I wish I could say the same.

- Dot's was the one.

Everyone loved it!

They talked about it all day.

- Phillip, I don't need to hear about it.

- At least you got your turn.

- I didn't get a turn!

I was the show.

And the tell.

I don't care, I'm Captain Chicken.

- I'm Captain Chicken!

- I'm Captain Chicken!

- I'm Captain Chicken!

- I'm Captain Chicken!

- I'm Captain Chicken!

- I'm Captain Chicken!

- You suck!

Big ones.

- Mum! Mum!

- Sweetheart?

- Did you leave the plug in the sink?

- Possibly.

- And you didn't see it overflowing?

- It's a wonder I can see anything at all.

Our eyes are constantly being bombarded

by electromagnetic radiation
heating our planet.

- Your mum's just a bit tired.

She needs some more sleep.

- Mum!

What I reckon you need is a project.

Hey Egg, I've got a
plan to fix everything.

Our mums, the river, the whole lot.

Egg and I gave our mums

our own private show and tell.

We told them the pollution's
coming from the factory,

pouring waste straight into the river.

If we plugged up the pipe,

then the waste would all
go back up into the factory

and teach them a lesson.

But then Egg showed how he'd saved

his mum's welding gear
from the scrap pile,

and I came up with
something for us to weld.

Sometimes, too much mixed
grill really is enough.

We were ready to get to work.

- This is great.

My mum's out of the house,

and your mum's welding again.

And soon enough, we'll be
able to swim here again

without puking.

- You can swim.

I'll just supervise.

Except for one thing.

We were swimming up there,
at the bridge, not down here.

- Same river.

- Yeah, but that's upriver.

- And rivers don't usually flow uphill.

- Exactly!

So how did the pollution get up there?

- Maybe the tide pushed it up there.

- The tide doesn't go up that far.

- But if the pollution isn't
coming from the factory,

where is it coming from?

- Have you noticed that the
river is getting skinnier?

- Shh, listen.

Come on.

- Private property.

Must be a private lake or
something on the other side.

- Yeah, and if there is, it's
not supposed to be there.

- How do you know that?

- Well, by the looks of
it, it's been dammed.

Totally unnatural.

And if it has, no wonder the
rest of the river's polluted.

No flow.

- No flow?

- If fresh water doesn't
have flow, it gets sick.

- Like a fish tank without a filter.

- Yeah, it goes green and starts to pong.

And before you know it,

you're flushing dead fish down the toilet.

- How do you know so much about this?

- I read all the stuff John
East gave us, to impress Dot.

- That's sad, man, really sad.

Man you gotta put her out of her misery.

- I know, I'm going to.

After.

Come on, Egg-meister.

Let's take a closer look.

- Right behind you, Captain.

- I am Captain Chicken!

- Hey Captain, you were right!

- Hey!

What are you up to?

- We're just looking at this dam.

Someone reckons it's unnatural.

- Who reckons?

- The captain.

- The captain?

- This is an illegal dam.

- Rubbish.

This is a private water course,

and it's perfect for my jet ski.

- And you lied to us!

You're a traitor.

- Listen.

Two things.

One, this is private property.

Two, you guys are leaving.

Right now.

- Fine, we're leaving.

But the captain hasn't
finished with you yet.

- Yeah, what he said.

- I'll be back.

Come on Egg-meister, let's go.

- When
Egg and I arrived back,

our moms hadn't finished
sealing up the factory pipe yet,

but we didn't say anything.

It was Captain Chicken's best idea yet.

Then, he had an even better one.

- Phillip?

It's time for your show and tell.

- Way to go, Corporal Phillip!

- Phillip?

Phillip!

- Woo hoo! That was awesome!

- Are you okay?

- Yeah, I'm Captain Chicken!

- You're so not Captain Chicken.

- I am Captain Chicken!

- Hey Lockie, check this out!

- Flow!

- Well done, mate.

You restored the flow!

That's what I'm talking about, yes!

- Phillip?

I heard a rumour today

about an illegal dam being destroyed.

- You should never believe rumours, Sarge.

Where the devil did I put it?

- So, what are you gonna do about the dam?

- Well, we've arrested
the owner, Wally Norton.

He's been charged with
illegal dam building,

water softening,

but as far as dam busting goes,

I trust that sort of thing
won't be happening again?

- Sure, Sarge.

Even though I have no idea
what you're talking about.

- Has anyone seen my barbecue hot plate?

I can't find it anywhere!

- I am Captain Chicken!

I am Captain Chicken!

- Okay,

so Captain Chicken
chickened out on me again!

I guess this is something
I have to do on my own.

But how do you tell
somebody you don't want

to hang around them anymore?

It's cruel, like hurting
an innocent baby lamb.

I can't hurt an innocent baby lamb, can I?

- Dot.

I've been thinking, a lot

about stuff.

no, look at those eyes!

The eyes of a lamb!

I can't hurt her like this.

- What have you been thinking about?

- I think I need more space.

- What are you talking about?

- I just don't think I'm ready

for anything too full on right now.

- The waves aren't that big.

- No, I mean look.

It's us.

No, I mean, it's not you
that's the problem Dot.

It's me.

- I don't know what you're talking about.

But Lockie, I think we need to break up.

- Hang on, excuse me?

- How did that happen?

I was meant to dump her!

- I wanna stop being your girlfriend.

We're better off as friends, that's all.

Are you okay with that?

- I guess so.

- Cool.

Well, let's go for a surf.

- Okay, status report.

Suddenly, all my problems, they were gone!

There was nothing left to show and tell!

And so, there was only
one thing left to do.