Lockie Leonard (2007–2010): Season 1, Episode 12 - Dog Days - full transcript

- Yep,
okay, so I'm on the run.

I got myself into a spot of bother.

- Gotcha.

- Hey, Vicki.

Can you get me out?

- And you
want to know my big crime?

- Sorry, Lockie.

You know, since you've
been hanging out with Dot,

you've been acting like a real dog.

- Dog?

Usually, everyone loves dogs,



loyal, friendly, good at frisbee.

But when a dog's in love.

- One track mind.

- And
there's only one place

bad dogs end up.

They end up in the doghouse.

The question was, would
anyone bail me out?

- We're not coming to get you out.

Mum said since you've met Dot, you've--

Yeah, Blob's right, you've changed.

- Yes, the kiss with Dot.

It's definitely changed
him, and on reflection,

I think a stint in the
doghouse would do him good.

- No one's coming to get me, are they?



Guess I better 'fess up

to what happened yesterday.

I so wish I didn't have
to show the next bit.

Go on, rewind.

This is me, obviously,

dreaming about kissing Dot,
who's kind of my girlfriend.

Who's kind of only 11,
which is kind of weird.

- What are you doing?

- You're sucking face with your pillow

and you ask me what I'm doing?

You having a Dot flashback?

- Don't start, Phillip!.

- Very grouchy this morning.

I thought love was supposed
to make you all kind and gooey

so you only see the good in everything.

Sarge reckons someone at work told him

if you have bananas after
lunch you won't wet the bed.

- Glad you could join us.

We've only got a trillion
things to do before tonight.

- Tonight?

- Pollution in river,
environmental protest,

meeting here, organised by you.

- We'll have to split jobs,

otherwise we'll never get through it all.

Chairs, more, lots more.

- Chairs.

- Urn for hot water?

- Urn.

- And I've got water
samples, river photos,

and most compelling of all, dead fish.

- Dead fish?

- Your mum made something to eat.

- Try one.

They're good.

She wanted to impress everyone.

They're dairy free, gluten
free and sugar free.

They're so dry, they suck the
moisture out of your eyeballs.

- You haven't written anything down.

- Yes, he has.

It's a love letter, see?

Dot, Dot, Dot.

- Why don't you just have
some more bananas, monkey boy?

- Normally,
I would have left it at that.

A bit lame, I know, but
it would have been enough.

But today, my inner dog
was starting to growl.

You know, Phillip, Sarge said he got

the banana idea from someone at work.

Why would bedwetting
come up, do you think,

unless he was telling them about you?

You never know, the idea might
have even come from Lisa.

- Are you in a bad mood?

- No, I'm deliberately nasty to Phillip

just for the fun of it.

I wonder what the tree did.

- Well, no point complaining
about someone's else's backyard

when your own is in a smozzle.

They're an introduced tree,
a weed really, taking over.

- And you're belting it in order to?

- Well, I read, if you
threaten them, they die.

- You tried calling it names first?

- Come on.

- Where are you going?

I've made a sign.

I need you to put it up.

I'm sorry, Lockie,
but you remember last time

I tried to get on top of a chair.

- What happened last time?

- You don't want to know.

Can't you get Sarge to help you?

- Well, Sarge is in a tricky position,

Lockie, with his job.

He can't take sides in the protest.

- He doesn't know about
the meeting, does he?

- I thought it best.

See, if he doesn't know,

he doesn't have to ask us not to have it.

- I'll do the sign later, Mum.

We have to go to John East right now.

- We do?

- We have to.

- "I have to see Dot,"

is what I should have said.

"Brain meltdown because of girls,"

is what I should have said.

- We have to get some pointers.

John East, school council.

He's got to know about saving the planet.

- Why are you scratching yourself, man?

- What kind of animal

is a walking flea resort?

Yeah, that's right, and
I was fast becoming one.

- So it's okay we're taking
the youth group chairs

from the church?

- Yeah.

Strictly speaking, I didn't ask yet.

Things were a bit tense
at my place this morning.

Mum and Dad's wedding
anniversary, 20 years.

Do your olds do anything to celebrate?

- Last year, Sarge made us cook dinner,

quiche Lorraine and creme caramel.

Then he made us dress up as
waiters to serve it for them.

- Did it make them happy?

- Sarge pretended to be surprised.

Mum went berserk, a full-tilt hugathon.

- Maybe that's what I should
do tonight, after the meeting.

Except I can't cook.

This is where you say, "No
sweat, Egg, I'll help you, mate."

- Yeah, okay.

What you just said, except
I can't cook, either.

We got the stuff from the supermarket.

- Cool!

But we don't have a lot of time.

- Don't worry, Egg.

We'll juggle it somehow, I promise.

- So are you guys all set for tonight?

- Totally.

- Not really.

We still have loads of
stuff to do, haven't we?

- So long as you've
got your speech nailed.

The rest is all just window dressing.

- What speech?

- A bit higher.

- Well, you guys have
called a public meeting.

People aren't showing up to
knit the world's longest scarf.

They're showing up to hear you guys talk

about the pollution in the estuary.

- Higher.

- Lockie?

- That's good.

Sorry, leg spasm.

What were you saying?

- We were just talking about the speech.

- What speech?

- The speech I'm not making tonight.

- Yeah.

There'll be speeches, and
things to eat, and chairs.

Yeah, chairs to, chairs to sit on.

- Please tell me you've
got it all under control

'cause I cannot do anything
that involves standing up

and talking in front of people.

- What are you looking at me for?

I don't want to do the speech either.

- You have to.

Look, come on, we can argue
on the way to the supermarket.

- Want to come for a quick wave?

- Lockie, in which part of my life

did you see me on a surfboard?

- If you double me we can tie my board

to the back of Egg's bike

and we can pick yours up on the way.

- So real question is,

want to drive my girlfriend's
board to the beach?

- I'll do the speech.

- I'll do the speech.

What was I thinking?

I was thinking about Dot.

That's what I was thinking.

- At least take your boots off.

- Freaky toes.

- What?

Freaky toes.

You've got to promise.

Not a word to anyone.

I'm going to the supermarket.

And I can't do the chairs on my own

so you'd better meet me
at the church at three.

- It's like a lake.

- You know what?

I don't even care.

- What?

- Something just touched my leg.

- Like a shark?

- I don't know.

Let's go in.

- It wasn't a shark, Lockie.

- I know.

But there's a lot of important
stuff I've got to do.

Don't know what happened.

I never get the fear.

Maybe it was the fact that

somewhere in my brain, I
remembered Mum telling me

that sharks can smell a dog
from seven kilometres away.

- Are you upset?

- No.

- Are you sure?

- Yup.

It's just we never get
to hang out together.

- Well, we can hang out
now, out of the water.

- But you said you've got
important stuff to do.

- Yeah, and I do.

What about later?

- After the important stuff?

- Okay.

- Wind farm, 5 o'clock?

Should have just said,

"No, too busy today.

"Let's do it tomorrow."

But the wind farm meant kissing, maybe.

- Angela's place.

- Could I speak to Sarge, please?

- Phillip, is that you?

You sound funny.

- Yeah,
just a bit of a cold.

- Anything I can help you with?

- No, not really.

I was just checking if Sarge
is on late shift tonight.

- Sure is.

Anything else?

- So, bananas?

What do you think of them, Lisa?

- Um, they're good on cereal.

Sorry, Phillip, I've got to run.

What was that supposed to mean?

Good on cereal and for bed wetters

or good on cereal full stop?

- Hey.

Who on earth toasts fairy bread?

- Mum.

And unless you're feeling really nasty,

maybe don't tell her it's
not normal to toast it.

She's already feeling
upset about the muffins

and the sign you didn't help put up.

- She got up on a chair, didn't she?

- And Egg called an hour ago.

Something about some chairs.

- It
was too late to help Egg.

But he'd be fine, right?

I mean, what's the worst
thing that could happen?

- This is for your
stupid meeting, isn't it?

- Right
about now Egg's thinking

what a dog I've become, but me?

I was too busy thinking
about the wind farm

and my date with Dot.

- Wow.

I think your mum would
like them all like this.

They're more sculptural.

- I think the key with aftershave

is that you just put it on your face.

You don't usually bathe in it.

- Have you done the speech?

- Yeah.

- It's--

- Can I read it?

- All up here.

Thought it'd be better if
it came out a bit naturally.

So yeah, I'd better go
practise somewhere quiet.

- Egg, what's this?

- It was quiche Lorraine
and creme caramel.

- Have to think

of something to talk about.

Can't just pounce the second she arrives.

Hey, Dot, how's the kissing practise?

What to say, what to say.

Okay, so her uncle's a greenie.

Talk green.

Say something about the environment,

save the planet kind of stuff.

- Hear that?

Wind power?

That is the sound of coal not being burnt.

That's the sound of coal, not being burnt.

That's the sound of coal not being burnt.

But the more I worried

about Dot standing me up,

the more I forgot about the meeting.

- I think we should give
him five more minutes.

- We haven't got five more minutes, Egg.

If we leave it any longer,

Sarge will be home before we even start.

- Won't be long now.

Think we need to get
this show on the road.

It's getting a bit restless in there.

Don't want them to start
trashing the place.

You're going to have to
speak to the people, Egg.

- So.

Yeah.

Well, we all know why we're here.

Um, but I guess you want
to hear what we think.

Anyone here like eating dead fish?

- Well, I dunno about you

but I don't normally eat live ones.

- Thanks, all.

Let me know your next move.

- I think that went all right.

You got the point across.

Don't you, Phillip?

- Yes.

First rate in my book.

Fairy bread, anyone?

- I am so sorry.

- Hello.

Musical chairs, my favourite.

- Yes.

And they've all had such a lovely time

but now they're tired and
they need a lift home.

- Egg, Egg, look.

I know I messed up.

But I still want to know how it went.

- You wanna know how it went?

Two people came.

- Two?

Dot and who else?

- Mr. Norden and Vicky.

Your girlfriend was obviously

doing something more important.

Like watching cartoons.

- Yeah, right, as if.

- You know the worst thing?

I was such an idiot
thinking we were friends.

- We are.

- Yeah right, the only reason

you went to Johnny's house was to see Dot.

And she doesn't even give a
toss about the environment.

- Yes, she does.

- And what do you two talk about?

You're cut 'cause you haven't--

- Even had a girlfriend?

If having a girlfriend turns me into you,

I don't want one.

- Egg, let's get a move on.

Come on.

- Here, I don't think
I'll be needing this.

- You missed the wind farm
and a protest meeting.

So I'm guessing something
really big must have come up.

- Yeah, sorry.

- Please don't tell me

you were watching cartoons.

- There was a rerun of
all the old Porky Pigs.

I lost track of time.

- Hello, young Lockie.

Although I probably shouldn't say young.

Probably doesn't go down
well with young folk?

Right, well.

Must away.

Important business to attend to.

Anniversary tomorrow.

Need to hide this till the morn.

- It's your anniversary tomorrow?

Tomorrow, as in not today?

As in there's still time?

I've got to tell Egg.

- Hey Egg, open up.

I've something important to tell you.

Quick.

- Guess I knew no one

would come to bail me out.

Maybe it's right that they didn't.

Maybe the only person who
can bail you out is you.

- Calling Mr and Mrs Eggleston.

Your table awaits.

And you better come too, Egg.

Take a seat.

- What's all this?

- Your anniversary feast.

Organised by your son.

- Have you forgiven it?

- I have, Egg.

Which is more than I can say about him.

We have a bit to talk about, Lockie.

- I thought we might.

- We can start with where you
disappeared to this morning

without so much as a note
scrawled in the dirt.

- He was sucking up to me.

- Did he do a good job?

- It was thorough.

- That's good.

That's a good start.

However.

- I don't know why Mum

didn't make the speech last night.

She loves them, can't get enough of them.

I'm sparing you this one

but it had all the big guns.

Responsibility, friendship, consequences.

All the things I needed
to remember for next time

to keep me out of the doghouse.

("Worlds Away" by Jebediah)