Living with Yourself (2019–…): Season 1, Episode 2 - Made in a Strip Mall - full transcript

♪ Let me reach, let me beach
On the shores of Tripoli ♪

♪ Let me sail, let me sail ♪

How do you feel?

Happy.

Sign here.

Hmm?

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

♪ Sail away, sail away ♪

♪ Sail away, sail away, sail away ♪

♪ Sail away, sail away, sail away ♪



♪ From Bissau to Palau
In the shade of Avalon ♪

♪ From Fiji to Tiree and the... ♪

Oh, hey. Uh, I'm missing my wedding ring.

Ah, yes.

Uh, sorry.

You feel good? Yes?

I feel fantastic.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Enough chitchat.

So...

drink lots of water.

- Uh-huh. Okay.
- Important.

- Hydrate. Flush system.
- Okay.

No smoking, no drinking, no drug.



No hanky-panky.

- Nothing. Twenty-four hours.
- Okay.

- Eat yogurt.
- Yogurt?

Probiotic. Repopulates the gut.

Oh.

- Okay.
- Also...

very important.

First time after you use the toilet,

don't look.

Hmm.

Wow.

- Hello?
- Miles, are you coming in?

Pool was looking for you all morning.

Oh, hey, Kaylyn.

Yeah. Tell her...

Tell her that I'm feeling, um...

I don't know,
it's not sick so much, it's just...

more like strange.

Okay. Well, I think you might
wanna tell her that yours...

Oh, my God.

What the...

Oh.

Oh.

Oh!

Oh!

Wow.

Hey.

Hey.

What the fuck are you doing in my corn?

Hi.

Wow.

So, what do you grow here?

- Corn, apples.
- Ah.

- Squash up the hill.
- Hmm.

Soybeans is the only damn thing that pays.

Oh, I love soybeans.

What kind of dumb shit thing is that
to say? Nobody loves soybeans.

So, wow, like, is this all organic?

Hell yeah.

Until the beetles come, and then I spray
the shit out of the whole lot.

Hey. Will you show me how to pick?

What do I owe you, Ray?

Well, Miles, you got a dollar's worth
of produce,

and in three hours,

you did a dollar's worth of picking.

Call it even.

Thank you, Ray.

- Thanks.
- Yeah.

Hey, Kaylyn.

- For you. I like those stripes.
- Miles.

W... Wait.

All right, I've talked to Oculus...

Hey, anyone wants squash, see me after.

- Thanks for joining us, Miles.
- Sorry, I'm late.

I didn't mean to interrupt.
Sorry, please. Yeah.

So...

I've talked to Oculus.

They can custom-make us
a digital environment

for the actual pitch presentation.

I've done a cost breakdown
on page ten.

Now, if you look at the numbers,
you'll see...

Actually, you know what?
I have a question.

Yes, Miles.

Why do we even give a shit about Hillston?

I mean...

we're sitting here,

in this hermetically sealed coffin
of a conference room,

spending our precious minutes
here on this planet

to sell some
cellular infrastructure company,

when we could be out living,
and breathing, and fucking,

and dreaming.

So why?

Why do we give a shit?

And if we don't give a shit,
why should anyone else?

I mean, what is Hillston to us?

What do you think it is, Miles?

Well, they're a family-owned
regional telecom.

Right? I mean, they're as Mom-and-Pop
as a telecom can be.

Heck, their CEO could be my grandpa.
Let's use it.

- What do you propose?
- I don't know.

Okay. Great. Um...

You don't have a proposal?

No.

I don't. I have...

I don't.
Let's come up with one together.

Oh, great.

Let's schedule
a brainstorm sesh, huh?

But for now, why don't we get back
to page ten?

Yes, great. Let's schedule inspiration.

Get on that, Dan.

Everyone else, close your eyes.

Hillston.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Hillston.

Cellular infrastructure.

Cellular infrastructure.

I feel...

connection.

Neighbor to neighbor.

Friend to friend.

Father to daughter.

Lover to lover.

Me...

to you.

Hi.

Hi.

The thrill you feel from...
from knowing a...

truly special and unique person
on this planet

and knowing that they know you,

that thrill...

and comfort.

Hillston,

your neighbor and friend.

We know you.

I mean that's who they are, right?

Locals would love it,

national telecoms can't beat us on it.

Plus, it's real.

God! I tell you, it's so nice
not to feel full of shit for once.

Hey, what the fuck, dude?

That spa rec, thank you. Whole new me.

Miles.

Tell me more.

Hey.

What's all this?

Butternut squash and apple casserole
coming right up.

I'm sorry, I can't eat another bite.
It was lovely, though.

You look exquisite.

Thanks.

No, I mean it.

I can't get over how beautiful you are.

Thank you.

So, how was work?

My work? Why?

I just wanna know how your day was.

Um...

Yeah, why not? Uh, well, I had this client
come in from the city

who wanted to,

like, rip up this perfectly good
marble flooring

and replace it with the same
marble flooring

that just had different veining on it,
which was...

You're amazing. Do you know that?

Excuse me?

No, you came to this country all alone,

you put yourself through school,
you started this company from nothing,

and now, you've got
multimillion-dollar clients

coming from all over the world
just to hire you.

It's really impressive.

And it's a good thing, too,

in the way my career's been going.

Okay, what's going on here?

- What do you mean?
- I mean...

has all this got something to do
with your appointment?

What appointment?

What appointment?

Oh, I don't know, Miles.

Just the one we've been fighting about
for the last six months,

a little something called
our family?

Oh. The fertility thing.

Yeah.

The fertility thing.

I'm sorry.

- No, don't...
- No.

- Do you wanna talk about it?
- No.

No, I don't want to talk about it
because I can see

that you're trying to have
a lovely evening,

and you don't want me to ruin it.

I'll go by the clinic tomorrow. I promise.

Why?

Because I wanna have a family with you.

Shit. Are you smelling me?

Yeah, can I smell my wife?

Oh, God. No.

I'll stop.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I just...

It's just been a lot
between us lately, and...

you know, I'm just tired.
Can we talk about it in the morning?

Yeah. Of course.

I'm tired, too.

What time do you have to be
at work tomorrow?

I don't know. The usual.

I was thinking, maybe we can have
some breakfast, and then we...

Do you need any water from the fridge?

I think I need to hydrate.

Um, no, I'm... I'm just...

I'm just trying to sleep.

I'm putting this down.

Okay?

It's okay.

It's okay.

911, what's your emergency?

911, hello?

Four years old, co-op, pre-K.

I'm drinking lemonade, waiting for my mom
to pick me up. What happened?

Cloning?

Ultrarapid cloning.

Plus micro-synaptic memory transfer.

Memory transfer.

Well, what were you planning
on doing with the original me?

With the original me?

Ideally, we grind,
then dissolve in an acid solution.

Then dissolve
in an acid solution.

You were gonna murder me?!

We offer our sincere apologies.

Sincere apologies.

Are you gonna add
anything to this, huh?

Are you gonna add anything to this?
Are you just gonna sit there?

This... This isn't real.

Right? I mean...

This is some kind of trick.

No.

So, who's the clone?

You.

Pull over.

Don't kill me.

Get out.

I know karate.

Not unless you learned it
since yesterday morning, you don't.

What are you...

Now you.

No.

You want me out of your life?

What?

Eight years old, appendicitis.

I still remember the ache, right here.

Yeah. Vacuumed out my intestine.

I still have the scar.

You don't.

Get a room!

I just realized I've never been laid.

I can come back when you're ready.

No, I'll take a...
I want a burger and a Coke.

Oh, just a...

green tea and a fruit cup for me,
please, Margaret.

Yeah, you know what?

Uh, I'll have that, too.

Margaret.

I've never even had a fruit cup.

What am I?

Hey. Come on.

I've never kissed my wife.

Wait, so, last night you and Kate didn't...

Are you crying?

Hey.

People can see.

Are you embarrassed?

Why don't you grow a pair,
for Christ's sake?

Come on. Buck up.

Buck up?

Think about it.

You're the better me.

Oh, my God.

I'd give anything to be you.

In fact, I just did.

Fifty thousand to two guys
in a massage parlor.

Well, thank you for that.
And it's working out great so far.

All right. You know what?
I'm sorry. But...

to be fair, when I did that, you were me.
So, in a way, it's your fault, too.

Look, I...

This isn't easy for me either, all right?

I was made in a strip mall.

Well, so what?

I was born in New Jersey.

But you're here now,

and you can do anything,
and you can go anywhere.

My God, if I had no job
and no strings attached,

with suddenly some magical super me,

I think I'd be pretty goddamn psyched.

So what are you suggesting,
that I travel? Take a little vacation?

- Maybe see the world?
- Yes.

That's what I would do. My God.

I'd... I'd go anywhere in the world
I wanted to go,

do anything I've ever wanted to do
but can't. I still can't.

But guess who can?

And then what?

Uh...

Dude, I don't know.

I don't know.

I'm just trying to figure this out, too.

One thing first.

You owe us the rest of our 50,000.

Oh, sorry. You signed the waiver.

We looked into the agency
responsible for cloning.

Right. Turns out, it's the FDA.

Funny, right?

And their number is listed
right on their website.

I love how you just call them right up.

Go ahead, call 'em. Call 'em right up.

FDA Office
of Criminal Investigations.

Hi.

I'd like to report a violation of Title 21
regarding human cloning.

- Mm-hmm.
- Hold, please, I'll connect you.

Okay. Full refund.

Plus another 10,000.

For our trouble.

Fucking kidding?

No way we're giving you
10,000 fucking dollars.

What happened to your accent?

Oh. I guess we must be getting to them.

Dude, were you faking?

You rich assholes
see what you want to see.

It's easier if customers
don't think of us as people.

Right.

Just like the bodies in the forest
aren't people?

We give our clients a better life.

They walk out of here with smiles
on their faces.

- Tell it to them.
- Yeah, tell it to them.

Hello, Biologics Evaluation
and Enforcement.

Your very existence is a crime.

Who knows what they'd do to you?

- Try me.
- Hello?

Hello?

Sixty thousand.

But then you go,
and you never come back here again.

Kauai.

There's Madagascar.

Belize, Fiji.

Man, look at that.

Cabanas right on the water.
They're on the water.

- Your half is 30,000.
- What?

How is that fair?

I...

I took out 50,000.

What's Kate gonna say when she finds
the account's short $20,000?

Yeah, somehow that doesn't feel
like my problem.

All right, fine, but...

I need my wallet.

I'm gonna need ID to travel.

Fine.

And a credit card.

The one without the balance due.

Dude, you're cleaning me out.

You want to trade places?

Travel the world?

Get a cabana on the water?

Uber to the airport?

One of you Miles?

Okay, then.

Hey. Uh...

You forgot something.

The, uh...

Thanks.

- Hello?
- Hey, how you doing?

Hey.

Uh, good.

And did you happen to pick up
the dry cleaning yesterday?

No. Um...

I-I didn't.

Just 'cause I'm pretty sure
you have the ticket.

I don't think so.

Right, well, can you check?

Oh, yeah. Sure. Uh...

Oh, here it is.

Yeah, sorry. I... I have it.

Okay, great. Well, would you mind swinging
in to pick it up on your way home?

On my way home?

Yeah. Are you okay?
Is there a problem?

No.

No problem.

Okay, thanks. Love you.

I love you, too.

Sir, uh...

new address.