Living Single (1993–1998): Season 5, Episode 1 - Love Don't Live Here Anymore: Part 1 - full transcript
Previously on "Living Single.."
I just can't believe
that Synclaire
is the first one to get married.
I always thought
it would be Regine.
Me too.
My firm is opening
up offices in London
and they have asked
me to head 'em up.
Good luck on your new job.
Ladies and gentlemen
welcome Mr. and Mrs.
Overton Wakefield Jones.
I love you.
Wh‐w‐what?
One more time, sugar buns.
Hey, well, I, um, suppose
I could be persuaded..
If you just let me hear
those three magic words.
Yeah.
Again?
Uh‐huh.
Oh, come on, man, have a heart.
Why do I suddenly feel so tired?
‐ Mm. ‐ Alright.
Excuse me.
I love you, I love
you, I love you.
Satisfied?
Uh, not as much as
you're about to be.
Oh, God.
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ And in a nineties
kind of world ♪
♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪
♪ Keep your head up what ♪
♪ Keep your head
up that's right ♪
♪ Whenever this life get
tough you gotta fight ♪
♪ With my homegirls standing
to my left and my right ♪
♪ True blue it's
tight like glue ♪
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Check check check it out ♪
♪ Check check check it out ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ What you want ♪
♪ No free position ♪
♪ Haa ♪
Yeah, I took care of
that, but, oh, oh, yes, yes.
Now you only feed
my hamster once a day
even if he pounds
on his bars for more.
And you have the
number of the cruise ship
in case there's
a crisis at Flavor.
Oh, well, something
tells me there won't be
a single crisis
while you are away.
Well, here we are, baby.
Gate C‐8, the
gateway to paradise.
Mrs. Jones.
‐ Mrs. Jones. ‐ That's right.
Mrs. Overton Wakefield Jones.
Synclaire Jones.
Oh, oh, oh, th‐that Jones woman.
Oh, Jones..
Jones, Jones, Jones,
I just can't get enough.
Jones, Jones, Jones,
Jones. I'm Jones.
Come on, Jonesie.
Let's get you and
your hubby checked in.
‐ Mm‐hmm. ‐ Okay, let's go.
‐ Okay. ‐ Alright, shorty.
Don't keep me in suspense.
Are you going to London or what?
Oh, man, I am more
confused than ever. Come on.
Why did Max have to
utter those wicked words
"I love you", huh?
Sometimes people
are just crazy that way.
They actually
say what they feel.
All I know is I got 24 hours
to make the most
important decision of my life.
And either way it
goes, I wind up leaving
something I really
care about, you know?
Yup, you could always take
the bane of your
existence with you.
And let her terrorize
another continent?
'Final boarding call
for Flight 17 to Maui.'
Well, whatever you decide,
you always gonna be my boy.
‐ Bow‐wow. ‐ Alright, watchdog.
Mm, that's right.
But look here, now, if
you wanna hang with me
you'd want to come
back state side
'cause I pick up
accents all too easily
like 'Ello, Ducky.
'Ello, gov'na.
‐ A spite of tea. ‐ Oh.
Could I have some tea, please?
Alright, Overton.
‐ Our winged chariot
awaits. ‐ Alright, here we go.
‐ I got the bags here, alright.
‐ Alright, here we go. We're up.
Farewell.
‐ So long. ‐ Bye‐bye.
'Farewell.'
Oh man, what is happening
with this world, Kyle?
Synclaire is married. Max is
telling people she loves 'em.
Life just doesn't
make sense anymore.
Oh, boo, you still got Regine.
Damn, I need a drink.
Where's the lounge?
I'll be right with you. Order
me a pint of beer though.
‐ Room temperature.
‐ Room temp..
Yeah, I'm just, you
know, practicing
for my new hood, you know.
'Ello. Can I have a pint, eh?
‐ Hello. ‐ Hi.
I have a first class
ticket on flight 462
tomorrow to London, and I'd
like to purchase a second ticket
for a very special companion.
I'd be happy to check
the availability for you, sir.
Mm, thank you.
Oh, you're in luck. We only
have one seat left in first class..
At, uh, $4168.
Why don't you check on coach?
What's up with the boxes?
Well, I‐I went up to Synclaire's
room and I started to reminisce
about all the good
times that we'd had
and I see now her precious
little things still there
which was just too painful.
Help me move this
crap to the basement.
Now, hold up, now, you
must have an agenda
if you're doing manual labor.
Hi‐hi.
Khadijah, this is Candice,
our new roommate.
Candice, the one
I told you about.
Charmed.
‐ Hate the decor,
love the room. ‐ Oh.
Isn't she adorable?
‐ Candy girl, give
us a minute. ‐ Sure.
In the kitchen.
Kisses.
No. No, no.
But you just met her.
And yet I feel like I've known
her too many damn years.
Khadijah, now she needs us.
I.. She considers me her mentor.
Clearly the girl has issues.
Alright, fine. But from where I
stand you've got two choices.
You either come up
with a new roommate
by tomorrow, or you
pay 2/3 of the rent
because I am not dippin'
into my Chanel budget.
Look, Coco.
Now I don't wanna
live alone with you.
But this new roommate is gonna
be somebody we both agree on.
Quick question, ladies.
Are we married to that
tacky, little writing desk?
"Give us a minute." What part
of that does she not understand?
That right, there is Lanai,
the pineapple island.
Over here is Maui,
the valley island
and over here, well, I don't
know what that island is
but got a lot of red dirt
and goats on that thing.
Oh, Obie, this whole
trip is like destiny.
What could, what could
possible compare to this?
We've got the
beautiful tropical islands.
Look at all this
clear blue water. Oh.
Oh, and you.
The man I will someday
share a walker with.
Well, um, hop along over here
and plant one on me, mama.
‐ Okay, here come that.
‐ Alright, don't trip yourself.
Soldiers, break it up.
Shuffle board starts
at exactly ten minutes
and I will not have my perfect
attendance record sullied
by a couple of horny slackers.
Who are you?
Agnes Finch.
Your jovial social director.
Hence, your highly
evolved social skills.
Oh, I'm gonna be
watchin' you, pretty boy.
‐ Yeah. ‐ Mm‐hmm.
‐ Mm‐mm‐mm. ‐ So, Maxine.
‐ Mm? ‐ I have
a surprise for you.
Oh no. Uh‐uh.
Please, that last time
was a surprise, Kyle.
Is this what I think it is?
I believe it is a one way
ticket to London, yes.
Oh! You beautiful man!
Oh, my God, you're
actually going to stay for me.
Oh, man!
Hey, w‐what‐what‐what‐what
should we do with your ticket?
Uh, we, should we,
uh, pop it in the oven
and turn it into
London broil, huh?
‐ Max. ‐ Just rip this.
Ma‐Ma‐Max, Max, Max.
This isn't my
ticket. It's for you.
What are you talkin' about?
I want you to come to
London, with me, to live.
Are you out of your mind, man?
Excuse me?
What did you expect
me, to pick up and go?
Leave my career, my friends
to hop across the pond
and be your little chippy?
Okay, not quite the
reaction I expected.
Um, Maxine, it's a chance
for us to have a new start.
Oh, no, it's not.
It's a chance for you to
move up the corporate ladder
while I sit in your
flat, watching the telly.
How selfishly you.
Maxine, I thought that
you were ready to commit.
‐ I thought you were.
‐ Baby, I am committed.
This ticket is non‐refundable.
You said, "I love you."
Well, "I love you" was
supposed to keep your ass here.
Alright, Maxine,
the plane leaves
tomorrow evening, huh?
I suggest you take the
remaining time to think about
what you will be
missing if you do not go.
And I suggest you think about
what you'll be
missing if... you..
Do.
Max!
Max, what the
hell are you doing?
Freak him.
Freak him, freak him.
What..
Ah!
If you wanna live
put the bunny down.
Down!
If you're my girls, you'll
go through the fire with me.
Come on, help me
pick up this sofa.
‐ Lift it up, let's
go! ‐ No, don't.
Come on, now.
Sit your narrow
butt down and tell us
what's going on
with you and Kyle.
Freak him.
Freak that freakity
freakity frack.
Okay, well, that can
only mean one thing.
Kyle is moving to
London and leaving you.
So much for your
interpretation skills.
He wants me to go with him.
For real?
He thinks that we
should live together.
Like some sort of... couple.
Come on, Max, why is
that such a bad thing?
I mean, three years ago I would
have thought this was crazy.
But it's obvious you guys
can't stay away from each other.
So, I‐I mean, wh‐what
am I supposed to do?
Just follow him like some
sort of 50's housewife?
G‐g‐give up everything
I've worked for?
Oh!
Oh.
Okay, um, Max.
Now, this may sound
like I'm dumping on you
but it‐it‐it comes
from the heart.
You got nothing.
Open up the window.
This diva is
cleared for take‐off.
No, wait a minute.
I'm trying to help you out, Max.
Success is nothing,
without someone you love
to share it with.
Would you stop
quoting "Mahogany?"
And tell me wh‐what do you know?
What do you know
about heartbreak?
What do I know about heartbreak?
What do I know about heartbreak?
Okay.
Wrap this up. Y'all
gettin' me dizzy.
At the wedding, Desmond Howard,
he‐he pulled me into his web
and then he cast me off, right?
Because I reminded him
too much of his ex‐girlfriend.
And what do you think he gave me
to wipe away my tears?
His stank autograph.
You picked up
that man last night.
I lived and breathed Kyle Barker
for three years.
I gave Desmond my
real phone number.
I told Kyle I loved him.
‐ You didn't. ‐ Yes, she did.
‐ Ooh, girl, aw,
I'm sorry, oh. ‐ Oh.
‐ Oh, you need some
love, oh. ‐ Oh, yes, I do.
I got a grey hair.
I'm not old enough
for grey hair.
I'm too young to be old.
It's always about
you, isn't it, Khadijah?
Max and I are trying
to weather a man crisis
and all you can think about
is your stupid grey hair.
By the way, you got two.
‐ Oh, yeah. ‐ Uh‐huh.
‐ Oh, yeah. ‐ Yeah, see that?
‐ That's what I'm talkin'
about. ‐ Yeah, see?
Them handy man callouses
kinda stimulate the
skin, now, don't they?
Yes, they do.
You go. You..
Move it, move it, move it.
Let's go, let's go.
Come on now. Hey,
hey, hey, hey, hey.
Move it, move it.
I am not getting any younger.
The Jones'.
I spotted your names on
the roster for tonight's luau.
I assume you've been
briefed on the rules.
Rules? For a luau?
We depart at exactly 1900 hours.
No latecomers.
We land on a remote beach
accessible only by sea.
There will be no straggling
from the designated
luau perimeters
which are clearly marked
by plastic Tiki torches.
All seating is pre‐assigned.
Well, we‐we‐we‐we
are together, right?
That information is on
a need to know basis.
With all due respect, Ms. Finch,
you, uh, turnin' our honeymoon
into some kind of
floatin' boot camp.
Well, if you're having a problem
with my methods you're
more than welcome
to speak to the
captain about it.
But I wouldn't get my hopes up.
He's scared to death of me.
Mahalo.
I wonder how big a
splash she'd make.
Right, and if you take the room
you will have full
run of the house.
We'll even unlock
the 9‐7‐6 numbers.
Ah.
Come on, nana.
Please?
Alright.
Peace out.
Yo, yo.
Yo, yo, Russ,
man‐man, wh‐wh‐what
what's up with this?
"It's been a party,
now get the hell out."
Yeah, man, that's
your eviction notice.
Trip, you were only supposed
to crash in my couch for a week.
Now you're nestin'. Toodaloo.
What? Whoa.
Russ, Russ.
Bruh, come on, man, I thought
we were tighter than that.
I mean I cook, I clean
I hook you up with
all those video babes.
For which I curse you every
time I pass the free clinic.
Hey, listen, now, hey, hey, I
warned you about those twins.
Trip, Trip, you know what?
I think this is your lucky day.
I'm desperate.
Khadijah, are you hittin' on me?
I said desperate, not drunk.
Now, look, Synclaire moved out
and I gotta fill her spot.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, ho‐ho‐hold up.
Are you sayin' that I
would get my own room
and I wouldn't
have to worry about
watching Jamaican soap
operas every mornin'?
Khadijah, if you
give me that spot
I will give you a
pedicure every day.
Sorry, but nobody touch
these toes but my man.
Well, when I had a man.
Damn it, I don't got no man.
‐ Anyway, look, there's
a catch. ‐ What's up?
‐ We got to run this
by Regine. ‐ Regine?
A man? Living here?
‐ Not gonna happen.
‐ Oh, come on, now.
It's not like he's a stranger.
I interviewed him
twice for 'Flavor.'
‐ Didn't you read the
articles? ‐ Was I in them?
Come on, Regine, I've
known him for a while.
‐ He's a friend of
Russell's. ‐ Oh, strike one.
Khadijah, you are
missing the big picture.
Any man, livin' under this roof
is bound to fall
in love with me.
Regine, you are being crazy.
Oh, you know that. No, no.
You know that I'm right.
If‐if Max had two
percent more testosterone
she'd be hittin' on me.
Oh.
‐ Trip. ‐ Hey,
wassup, baby girl?
Hi.
Now, this is a nice crib.
And you must be Regine.
Enough of the niceties.
Let the interview begin.
'Sit, don't flop.'
First of all..
What the hell kind
of name is Trip?
Oh, it's, uh, it's short for
Ira Lee Williams the Third.
Y‐you know, the Third?
Triple?
Trip?
How very country.
Well, I'll tell you
what, for now
we're just gonna go with Ira.
'Career ambitions?'
Oh, oh, to, um..
To write a song that‐that
makes women weep
that makes wanna men
wanna comfort them and
that puts a Jag in my driveway.
Oh, this is just
delightful, a starving artist.
This interview is over.
Well, well, no, no,
no, no, no, oh, no.
Hold‐hold up, hold up. I
mean, I got a steady gig.
I mean, y‐you're lookin'
at the brother behind.
Eastman Brown's
top advertising jingles.
Check it out, check it
out, ahem, ahem, ahem.
♪ Oh she's a woman ♪
♪ A pretty woman ♪
♪ There's beauty in a bottle ♪
♪ More beautiful ♪
Now in a convenient
value‐sized pump.
Ah.
'Okay, you're losing her.'
You better show
your list of references
before you flat line.
Oh, well, she's not interested
in what Quincy Jones.
R. Kelly and
Babyface had to say.
I'm not impressed with
your little name droppin'.
Unless, of course, you have
their home phone numbers.
Home phone, car
phone and for R. Kelly
a shower phone.
Now if a woman answers
you might wanna hang up.
And you might wanna use a mobile
just in case they got
star 69 or something.
‐ Approved. ‐ Alright.
But on a probationary basis.
If you commit even
a single infraction
you and your bag of jingles
will be out on the street.
Well, ladies.
I think we got a family here.
Well, baby, we, uh, definitely
made our mark on this island.
Although I wished we had
stayed at the luau a little longer.
You know, I've always wanted
to see a man in a loincloth
shake his groove
thing over a fire.
‐ The night's still
young, baby. ‐ Yes, it is.
Um. That's the sound I've
never got out of you before.
Obie, I think that
was our ship leaving.
Oh, no, baby, that's
just a little warning
to get everybody back
on board, that's all.
A theory which fails to explain
why our ship is
headed out to sea.
God.
O‐Obie, you‐you
mean we're stranded?
On a deserted island?
Well, technically, baby
it won't be deserted
until we're dead.
Look, Coco, now.
I don't wanna live alone
with you either, okay?
But this new ra..
Now, look, Coco.
Okay? I don't wanna
live alone with you easer.
‐ Eas.. ‐ What?
What did you say?
What did you say? What?
Coco.
Now I don't feel like
living alone with you either.
But we both have to agree
upon the next roommate
because therefore, after
that, and furthermore‐‐.
Oh, God!
Can't get that line out.
Woo‐hoo.
I just can't believe
that Synclaire
is the first one to get married.
I always thought
it would be Regine.
Me too.
My firm is opening
up offices in London
and they have asked
me to head 'em up.
Good luck on your new job.
Ladies and gentlemen
welcome Mr. and Mrs.
Overton Wakefield Jones.
I love you.
Wh‐w‐what?
One more time, sugar buns.
Hey, well, I, um, suppose
I could be persuaded..
If you just let me hear
those three magic words.
Yeah.
Again?
Uh‐huh.
Oh, come on, man, have a heart.
Why do I suddenly feel so tired?
‐ Mm. ‐ Alright.
Excuse me.
I love you, I love
you, I love you.
Satisfied?
Uh, not as much as
you're about to be.
Oh, God.
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ And in a nineties
kind of world ♪
♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪
♪ Keep your head up what ♪
♪ Keep your head
up that's right ♪
♪ Whenever this life get
tough you gotta fight ♪
♪ With my homegirls standing
to my left and my right ♪
♪ True blue it's
tight like glue ♪
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Check check check it out ♪
♪ Check check check it out ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ What you want ♪
♪ No free position ♪
♪ Haa ♪
Yeah, I took care of
that, but, oh, oh, yes, yes.
Now you only feed
my hamster once a day
even if he pounds
on his bars for more.
And you have the
number of the cruise ship
in case there's
a crisis at Flavor.
Oh, well, something
tells me there won't be
a single crisis
while you are away.
Well, here we are, baby.
Gate C‐8, the
gateway to paradise.
Mrs. Jones.
‐ Mrs. Jones. ‐ That's right.
Mrs. Overton Wakefield Jones.
Synclaire Jones.
Oh, oh, oh, th‐that Jones woman.
Oh, Jones..
Jones, Jones, Jones,
I just can't get enough.
Jones, Jones, Jones,
Jones. I'm Jones.
Come on, Jonesie.
Let's get you and
your hubby checked in.
‐ Mm‐hmm. ‐ Okay, let's go.
‐ Okay. ‐ Alright, shorty.
Don't keep me in suspense.
Are you going to London or what?
Oh, man, I am more
confused than ever. Come on.
Why did Max have to
utter those wicked words
"I love you", huh?
Sometimes people
are just crazy that way.
They actually
say what they feel.
All I know is I got 24 hours
to make the most
important decision of my life.
And either way it
goes, I wind up leaving
something I really
care about, you know?
Yup, you could always take
the bane of your
existence with you.
And let her terrorize
another continent?
'Final boarding call
for Flight 17 to Maui.'
Well, whatever you decide,
you always gonna be my boy.
‐ Bow‐wow. ‐ Alright, watchdog.
Mm, that's right.
But look here, now, if
you wanna hang with me
you'd want to come
back state side
'cause I pick up
accents all too easily
like 'Ello, Ducky.
'Ello, gov'na.
‐ A spite of tea. ‐ Oh.
Could I have some tea, please?
Alright, Overton.
‐ Our winged chariot
awaits. ‐ Alright, here we go.
‐ I got the bags here, alright.
‐ Alright, here we go. We're up.
Farewell.
‐ So long. ‐ Bye‐bye.
'Farewell.'
Oh man, what is happening
with this world, Kyle?
Synclaire is married. Max is
telling people she loves 'em.
Life just doesn't
make sense anymore.
Oh, boo, you still got Regine.
Damn, I need a drink.
Where's the lounge?
I'll be right with you. Order
me a pint of beer though.
‐ Room temperature.
‐ Room temp..
Yeah, I'm just, you
know, practicing
for my new hood, you know.
'Ello. Can I have a pint, eh?
‐ Hello. ‐ Hi.
I have a first class
ticket on flight 462
tomorrow to London, and I'd
like to purchase a second ticket
for a very special companion.
I'd be happy to check
the availability for you, sir.
Mm, thank you.
Oh, you're in luck. We only
have one seat left in first class..
At, uh, $4168.
Why don't you check on coach?
What's up with the boxes?
Well, I‐I went up to Synclaire's
room and I started to reminisce
about all the good
times that we'd had
and I see now her precious
little things still there
which was just too painful.
Help me move this
crap to the basement.
Now, hold up, now, you
must have an agenda
if you're doing manual labor.
Hi‐hi.
Khadijah, this is Candice,
our new roommate.
Candice, the one
I told you about.
Charmed.
‐ Hate the decor,
love the room. ‐ Oh.
Isn't she adorable?
‐ Candy girl, give
us a minute. ‐ Sure.
In the kitchen.
Kisses.
No. No, no.
But you just met her.
And yet I feel like I've known
her too many damn years.
Khadijah, now she needs us.
I.. She considers me her mentor.
Clearly the girl has issues.
Alright, fine. But from where I
stand you've got two choices.
You either come up
with a new roommate
by tomorrow, or you
pay 2/3 of the rent
because I am not dippin'
into my Chanel budget.
Look, Coco.
Now I don't wanna
live alone with you.
But this new roommate is gonna
be somebody we both agree on.
Quick question, ladies.
Are we married to that
tacky, little writing desk?
"Give us a minute." What part
of that does she not understand?
That right, there is Lanai,
the pineapple island.
Over here is Maui,
the valley island
and over here, well, I don't
know what that island is
but got a lot of red dirt
and goats on that thing.
Oh, Obie, this whole
trip is like destiny.
What could, what could
possible compare to this?
We've got the
beautiful tropical islands.
Look at all this
clear blue water. Oh.
Oh, and you.
The man I will someday
share a walker with.
Well, um, hop along over here
and plant one on me, mama.
‐ Okay, here come that.
‐ Alright, don't trip yourself.
Soldiers, break it up.
Shuffle board starts
at exactly ten minutes
and I will not have my perfect
attendance record sullied
by a couple of horny slackers.
Who are you?
Agnes Finch.
Your jovial social director.
Hence, your highly
evolved social skills.
Oh, I'm gonna be
watchin' you, pretty boy.
‐ Yeah. ‐ Mm‐hmm.
‐ Mm‐mm‐mm. ‐ So, Maxine.
‐ Mm? ‐ I have
a surprise for you.
Oh no. Uh‐uh.
Please, that last time
was a surprise, Kyle.
Is this what I think it is?
I believe it is a one way
ticket to London, yes.
Oh! You beautiful man!
Oh, my God, you're
actually going to stay for me.
Oh, man!
Hey, w‐what‐what‐what‐what
should we do with your ticket?
Uh, we, should we,
uh, pop it in the oven
and turn it into
London broil, huh?
‐ Max. ‐ Just rip this.
Ma‐Ma‐Max, Max, Max.
This isn't my
ticket. It's for you.
What are you talkin' about?
I want you to come to
London, with me, to live.
Are you out of your mind, man?
Excuse me?
What did you expect
me, to pick up and go?
Leave my career, my friends
to hop across the pond
and be your little chippy?
Okay, not quite the
reaction I expected.
Um, Maxine, it's a chance
for us to have a new start.
Oh, no, it's not.
It's a chance for you to
move up the corporate ladder
while I sit in your
flat, watching the telly.
How selfishly you.
Maxine, I thought that
you were ready to commit.
‐ I thought you were.
‐ Baby, I am committed.
This ticket is non‐refundable.
You said, "I love you."
Well, "I love you" was
supposed to keep your ass here.
Alright, Maxine,
the plane leaves
tomorrow evening, huh?
I suggest you take the
remaining time to think about
what you will be
missing if you do not go.
And I suggest you think about
what you'll be
missing if... you..
Do.
Max!
Max, what the
hell are you doing?
Freak him.
Freak him, freak him.
What..
Ah!
If you wanna live
put the bunny down.
Down!
If you're my girls, you'll
go through the fire with me.
Come on, help me
pick up this sofa.
‐ Lift it up, let's
go! ‐ No, don't.
Come on, now.
Sit your narrow
butt down and tell us
what's going on
with you and Kyle.
Freak him.
Freak that freakity
freakity frack.
Okay, well, that can
only mean one thing.
Kyle is moving to
London and leaving you.
So much for your
interpretation skills.
He wants me to go with him.
For real?
He thinks that we
should live together.
Like some sort of... couple.
Come on, Max, why is
that such a bad thing?
I mean, three years ago I would
have thought this was crazy.
But it's obvious you guys
can't stay away from each other.
So, I‐I mean, wh‐what
am I supposed to do?
Just follow him like some
sort of 50's housewife?
G‐g‐give up everything
I've worked for?
Oh!
Oh.
Okay, um, Max.
Now, this may sound
like I'm dumping on you
but it‐it‐it comes
from the heart.
You got nothing.
Open up the window.
This diva is
cleared for take‐off.
No, wait a minute.
I'm trying to help you out, Max.
Success is nothing,
without someone you love
to share it with.
Would you stop
quoting "Mahogany?"
And tell me wh‐what do you know?
What do you know
about heartbreak?
What do I know about heartbreak?
What do I know about heartbreak?
Okay.
Wrap this up. Y'all
gettin' me dizzy.
At the wedding, Desmond Howard,
he‐he pulled me into his web
and then he cast me off, right?
Because I reminded him
too much of his ex‐girlfriend.
And what do you think he gave me
to wipe away my tears?
His stank autograph.
You picked up
that man last night.
I lived and breathed Kyle Barker
for three years.
I gave Desmond my
real phone number.
I told Kyle I loved him.
‐ You didn't. ‐ Yes, she did.
‐ Ooh, girl, aw,
I'm sorry, oh. ‐ Oh.
‐ Oh, you need some
love, oh. ‐ Oh, yes, I do.
I got a grey hair.
I'm not old enough
for grey hair.
I'm too young to be old.
It's always about
you, isn't it, Khadijah?
Max and I are trying
to weather a man crisis
and all you can think about
is your stupid grey hair.
By the way, you got two.
‐ Oh, yeah. ‐ Uh‐huh.
‐ Oh, yeah. ‐ Yeah, see that?
‐ That's what I'm talkin'
about. ‐ Yeah, see?
Them handy man callouses
kinda stimulate the
skin, now, don't they?
Yes, they do.
You go. You..
Move it, move it, move it.
Let's go, let's go.
Come on now. Hey,
hey, hey, hey, hey.
Move it, move it.
I am not getting any younger.
The Jones'.
I spotted your names on
the roster for tonight's luau.
I assume you've been
briefed on the rules.
Rules? For a luau?
We depart at exactly 1900 hours.
No latecomers.
We land on a remote beach
accessible only by sea.
There will be no straggling
from the designated
luau perimeters
which are clearly marked
by plastic Tiki torches.
All seating is pre‐assigned.
Well, we‐we‐we‐we
are together, right?
That information is on
a need to know basis.
With all due respect, Ms. Finch,
you, uh, turnin' our honeymoon
into some kind of
floatin' boot camp.
Well, if you're having a problem
with my methods you're
more than welcome
to speak to the
captain about it.
But I wouldn't get my hopes up.
He's scared to death of me.
Mahalo.
I wonder how big a
splash she'd make.
Right, and if you take the room
you will have full
run of the house.
We'll even unlock
the 9‐7‐6 numbers.
Ah.
Come on, nana.
Please?
Alright.
Peace out.
Yo, yo.
Yo, yo, Russ,
man‐man, wh‐wh‐what
what's up with this?
"It's been a party,
now get the hell out."
Yeah, man, that's
your eviction notice.
Trip, you were only supposed
to crash in my couch for a week.
Now you're nestin'. Toodaloo.
What? Whoa.
Russ, Russ.
Bruh, come on, man, I thought
we were tighter than that.
I mean I cook, I clean
I hook you up with
all those video babes.
For which I curse you every
time I pass the free clinic.
Hey, listen, now, hey, hey, I
warned you about those twins.
Trip, Trip, you know what?
I think this is your lucky day.
I'm desperate.
Khadijah, are you hittin' on me?
I said desperate, not drunk.
Now, look, Synclaire moved out
and I gotta fill her spot.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, ho‐ho‐hold up.
Are you sayin' that I
would get my own room
and I wouldn't
have to worry about
watching Jamaican soap
operas every mornin'?
Khadijah, if you
give me that spot
I will give you a
pedicure every day.
Sorry, but nobody touch
these toes but my man.
Well, when I had a man.
Damn it, I don't got no man.
‐ Anyway, look, there's
a catch. ‐ What's up?
‐ We got to run this
by Regine. ‐ Regine?
A man? Living here?
‐ Not gonna happen.
‐ Oh, come on, now.
It's not like he's a stranger.
I interviewed him
twice for 'Flavor.'
‐ Didn't you read the
articles? ‐ Was I in them?
Come on, Regine, I've
known him for a while.
‐ He's a friend of
Russell's. ‐ Oh, strike one.
Khadijah, you are
missing the big picture.
Any man, livin' under this roof
is bound to fall
in love with me.
Regine, you are being crazy.
Oh, you know that. No, no.
You know that I'm right.
If‐if Max had two
percent more testosterone
she'd be hittin' on me.
Oh.
‐ Trip. ‐ Hey,
wassup, baby girl?
Hi.
Now, this is a nice crib.
And you must be Regine.
Enough of the niceties.
Let the interview begin.
'Sit, don't flop.'
First of all..
What the hell kind
of name is Trip?
Oh, it's, uh, it's short for
Ira Lee Williams the Third.
Y‐you know, the Third?
Triple?
Trip?
How very country.
Well, I'll tell you
what, for now
we're just gonna go with Ira.
'Career ambitions?'
Oh, oh, to, um..
To write a song that‐that
makes women weep
that makes wanna men
wanna comfort them and
that puts a Jag in my driveway.
Oh, this is just
delightful, a starving artist.
This interview is over.
Well, well, no, no,
no, no, no, oh, no.
Hold‐hold up, hold up. I
mean, I got a steady gig.
I mean, y‐you're lookin'
at the brother behind.
Eastman Brown's
top advertising jingles.
Check it out, check it
out, ahem, ahem, ahem.
♪ Oh she's a woman ♪
♪ A pretty woman ♪
♪ There's beauty in a bottle ♪
♪ More beautiful ♪
Now in a convenient
value‐sized pump.
Ah.
'Okay, you're losing her.'
You better show
your list of references
before you flat line.
Oh, well, she's not interested
in what Quincy Jones.
R. Kelly and
Babyface had to say.
I'm not impressed with
your little name droppin'.
Unless, of course, you have
their home phone numbers.
Home phone, car
phone and for R. Kelly
a shower phone.
Now if a woman answers
you might wanna hang up.
And you might wanna use a mobile
just in case they got
star 69 or something.
‐ Approved. ‐ Alright.
But on a probationary basis.
If you commit even
a single infraction
you and your bag of jingles
will be out on the street.
Well, ladies.
I think we got a family here.
Well, baby, we, uh, definitely
made our mark on this island.
Although I wished we had
stayed at the luau a little longer.
You know, I've always wanted
to see a man in a loincloth
shake his groove
thing over a fire.
‐ The night's still
young, baby. ‐ Yes, it is.
Um. That's the sound I've
never got out of you before.
Obie, I think that
was our ship leaving.
Oh, no, baby, that's
just a little warning
to get everybody back
on board, that's all.
A theory which fails to explain
why our ship is
headed out to sea.
God.
O‐Obie, you‐you
mean we're stranded?
On a deserted island?
Well, technically, baby
it won't be deserted
until we're dead.
Look, Coco, now.
I don't wanna live alone
with you either, okay?
But this new ra..
Now, look, Coco.
Okay? I don't wanna
live alone with you easer.
‐ Eas.. ‐ What?
What did you say?
What did you say? What?
Coco.
Now I don't feel like
living alone with you either.
But we both have to agree
upon the next roommate
because therefore, after
that, and furthermore‐‐.
Oh, God!
Can't get that line out.
Woo‐hoo.