Living Single (1993–1998): Season 4, Episode 8 - School's Out Forever - full transcript
Prepare to give me my props.
This woman comes
into my office screaming
that the garbage
men on our block
bang in the cans and
leave trash all over the place.
Oh, you mean like
you in our kitchen.
So I called the
Sanitation Department
and I tell them unless
they clean up their act
they'll be in the Bronx
Zoo on doo‐doo detail!
Hey, what the freak is goin' on?
Oh, they're dumping garbage
in front of Max's house.
Hey, Max, do we decorate?
Hey! I'm Alderwoman Shaw!
What the hell are you doing?
"Let us know if you have any
more constructive criticism.
Yours infield sanitation
workers, Local 318."
Well, it's a good
thing you didn't piss off
the guys at the morgue.
They would've dumped
the stiff on your stoop.
Yeah, we've seen Max's
dates. Sound like a step up.
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ Ooh and in a
'90s kind of world ♪
♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪
♪ Keep your head up what?
Keep your head up that's right ♪
♪ Whenever this life get
tough you gotta fight ♪
♪ With my homegirls standing
to my left and my right ♪
♪ True blue it's
tight like glue ♪
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Check check check it out ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ Haa ♪
Alright, that's what
I'm talking about.
Oh, alright!
I didn't heard of a Olympic
dream team this bad.
I mean, ain't nobody
gotta beat them.
I mean, who would've thought
they'd be so good
at Family Feud?
‐ Hey, hey, people. ‐
'Hey, what's up, man?'
Overton, mail call.
Oh, Kyle, this is
the sacred seal
of our alma mater
Carver High school
home of the Battling Badgers.
Yeah, well, it seems they're
closing the school down
because of an asbestos problem.
Man, there's no way on Earth
the hallowed halls of our school
could be insulated
with asbestos.
Yeah, well, they're
holding a farewell gala
for all the alums.
Oh, hey, I'm
Cleveland bound then.
Um, care to take a
stroll down memory lane
with me, my foxy fiance?
I'd be honored.
I flipped through your
yearbook so many times
I feel I know every
pimple‐peppered face.
‐ I'm not going.
‐ Oh, no, no, no.
I know what this is about.
You're afraid you're
gonna run into Lester Tate.
‐ Who's Lester
Tate? ‐ Lester Tate.
Page 93, defensive tackle.
Senior quote, "That which
does not kill you is not me."
Brother, please, look, I
have completely forgotten
about that heartless Neanderthal
who put marmalade in my sneakers
and made me wear
'em on the field trip
to the museum of rubber.
Yeah, well, if you've
forgotten all about it, how come
your lips wrapped around
your favorite comfort food?
Can't a man enjoy a Funyun..
Without being psychoanalyzed?
Look, Kyle, if you
don't go to the reunion
it's just another
victory for Lester.
Well, you know, if you
go, you could show him
how the Kyle caterpillar
has turned into
the Barker butterfly.
Or you can just sit here
and turn into the
Barker butterball.
Alright, admit it,
Overton, the only reason
why you want me in attendance
is so that I can jump‐start
our famous pop‐locking routine.
Yeah, well, I have to admit
it wouldn't be the same
without Carver's breaking
crew Spaghetti and Meatball.
Alright, if it means
that much to you
then Meatball will
be in attendance.
Alright then.
Uh, yo, Meatball.
Don't even try to roll up
out of here with our bowl.
Max, it stinks in here.
You better call them garbage
people up and apologize.
Well, how do you know that
this has anything to do with me.
Chicken Little?
Because they spell
Surrender Shaw
in chicken bones
on the side wall.
Hey, it smells like garbage
under a Christmas tree in here.
Look, Max, get on the
phone and fix the funk.
Look, I was just
elected alderwoman.
Now if I, if I give in now
it sends a message that
everyone in government
can just walk all over me.
Okay, let me clarify
the situation for you.
Regine and me
living with garbage
is like you being barefoot
and pregnant and liking it.
For real?
Oh, girl, I'm sorry.
I wouldn't wish
that even on you.
Well, alright, I mean,
I'll set up a meeting
with the union rep right away.
I'm, you know, I mean,
I have half tempted
to pay you back that money
I owe you, girl. I'm sorry.
♪ I remember when
rock was young ♪
♪ Me and Suzie had so much fun ♪
♪ Holding hands and
skimming stones ♪
Obie, is that you?
Check me out, mama.
I was the cleanest brother
ever to rode the pine.
Well, if I had been your steady.
I would've activated
your curl every night.
Oh, hey, now what's this?
Well, this is just
a picture of a door.
Oh, now you see the silhouette?
That‐that's Kyle struggling
to get out of the closet
after Lester locked him in.
Helen! Helen Robinson.
No, my name is Synclaire.
Damn, I used all my frequent
flyer miles to see Helen.
Sharon Rayford.
Overton Jones.
Hey.
Say, do you still do that
flipping your eyelids
inside‐out thing?
Oh, no, I‐I had to give that up.
The bugs kept flying in my eyes.
Um, hello, Sharon.
Hello.
Kyle, Kyle Barker?
Chemistry class?
Uh, intellectually blessed,
but you know, husky.
Oh, please.
Please, no, see, you're fine.
Kyle had bigger
breast than I did.
Uh, no, no, no, no,
Sharon, Sharon, this is Kyle.
Check this out.
Kyle.
You always did have
big dreamy brown eyes.
Mmm. Would you,
uh, care to dance?
I'd love to.
‐ Way to bow‐wow.
‐ Ah, well, watchdog.
Alright.
Helen Robinson?
Boogie down!
I, I am so glad
that they let me out for this.
Well, I'm glad, too,
but I‐I'm not Helen.
Damn. All that good
behavior for nothing.
O Dub Jones.
I told you that that Jheri curl
would make your hair fall out.
Yeah, and I told you that
impersonating a gynecologist
would land you
in jail, too, didn't I?
O Dub, tell me.
What happened to that chunky
guy you used to hang with?
I'm surprised you came.
Why, you didn't think a
stockbroker on the rise
would come out for
something like this, huh?
No, I didn't think Lester
Tate's whipping boy
would ever come back to Carver.
You gotta tell me,
how did he get you
on top of that flagpole
because your legs‐‐.
You know, um..
Excuse me, I think
they just brought out
the stuffed mushroom.
Kyle Barker?
‐ Between you and me. ‐ Mm‐hmm.
How much did you
spend on therapy?
Come again?
Well, Barker, if
Lester Tate put me
through half the hell
he put you through
I'd be hooked up to
electrodes 24 hours a day.
Yeah, well, Carl, all of that
is water under the
bridge now, okay?
What? Even after he
dissed you at the prom?
See, that shows
how much you know.
I didn't even go to my prom.
My date canceled
at the last minute.
Of course, she did.
Lester told her that you were
bragging to the whole school
that you would have her
under the bleachers by midnight.
You mean, you didn't know?
Ah, no, no one told me.
Is Lester here?
Well, you don't have a
wedgie, so I guess not.
Yoo‐hoo! Smile, Helen!
Oh, I, I don't mean
to rain on your parade
but I'm not Helen.
Maybe she's just not coming.
Oh, don't waste your time.
That's not Helen.
What?
Did you say Helen?
Forgive me, I
thought you said Ellen.
Of course, I'm Helen.
I knew it!
Hey, everybody, it's Helen!
Overton, look, man, I'm leaving.
‐ What's wrong, dawg? ‐
Man, I'm so furious right now.
If I saw Lester, I might
actually do him bodily harm.
Or open your mouth and dump
the entire buffet table into it.
‐ Anyway, I'm out,
alright. ‐ Alright.
Man, what's wrong
with you, dawg?
‐ You got hand all up over
me. ‐ My apologies, man.
Wait a minute.
You're the one who
eats like a horse
and talks like a horse's ass.
Kyle Barker.
Lester Tate.
You've got something you
wanna say to me, huh, Barker?
Ah, maybe he does
and maybe he doesn't.
Look, O Dub, I got my
own back man, alright.
Umm, alright, hey,
handle your business.
Now, Lester, I got something
I've been wanting to say to you
ever since threw me down
and played jungle boogie
on my stomach, huh?
Look, man, you've got
the soul of a coward.
You picked on people you
knew wouldn't fight back.
The little people,
the nerds the robust.
Hey, take a look
around you, Lester.
All your former victims are
now doctors and‐and handymen
and handsome funds managers.
So now what do you
have to say for yourself?
As a matter of
fact, I'm nothing.
‐ Uh‐huh. See? ‐ Hmm, I know.
Haven't even had
a job in over a year.
My unemployment check
ran out on me six weeks ago
and so did my wife.
She took the car,
she took the kids
and she took the dog.
I miss my dog.
I'm livin' on my grand
mama's back porch.
But I'm glad to see
that you're doing well.
And if it makes
you feel any better
keep on pickin' on
the homeless guy.
Um, man.
Uh, look, Lester, I‐I
had no idea, man‐‐.
Well, it's a little
late now, isn't it?
Come on, Lester baby,
I'm gonna fix you a plate.
That's bad.
He had that dog
since we was in school.
You guys are so great.
You guys are great.
You‐you know what?
I used to love when
you did the Helen.
The Helen, I loved that dance.
‐ Oh, come on,
do it! ‐ Do it, do it!
Oh! Oh, I haven't
Helen in years.
Well, okay, woo.
Wait a minute there!
That's not the Helen.
That's better than the Helen.
You're a dancing machine.
Umm, look here, Kyle.
I'm takin' up a collection
to get Lester a new dog.
Man, he already has my
dignity. What more does he want?
Oh, cheer up, Kyle.
I mean, when you laid into him
you had no idea he was
lower than a worm's belly.
You know, my mean display
back there made me realize
a part of me is still stuck
in that 10th grade, man.
I guess I need to
admit I'm just a big and..
Soon‐to‐be fat phony.
Look on the bright side.
Keep eating like that
and you will be able to fit
into your prom tux again.
Okay, okay, listen.
That is the sanitation honcho.
I'll do all the talking.
Khadijah, you sit there and
and look really tough and.
Regine, you stuff your
wig in your mouth, alright.
Alderwoman Shaw?
Yes, I am Alderwoman Shaw.
Kenneth Reed, Department
of Sanitation, local 318.
She's sorry. She's
so damn sorry.
She'll never do
it again. Coffee?
Look, Mr. Reed, I
called you over here
so we could discuss how
this trash malfeasance
has affected two
of my constituents.
Yeah, now I know Brooklyn trash
and that's not it.
You've been trucking that
mess in from Staten Island.
Pound cake? Sugar cookie? Grits?
Ma'am, I'm dealing
with a sensitive group
of sanitation engineers
and when they have to
deal with a rude politician
it upsets them.
They forget things.
Like the fact that the city dump
is not in front of your house.
Apologize to the
nice garbage man.
Hell, no.
Apologize.
I'm sorry..
That I yelled at your men
and called them a bunch of
beer‐swilling trash monkeys.
Apology accepted.
Miss Shaw, you're
new to politics
so let me explain the
hierarchy of the city to you.
Alderman.
City Council.
Mayor.
Garbage men.
God.
Point taken.
Just make sure you
don't bang the cans
or I'll go over your head.
Alderwoman Shaw, you
remind me of my mother.
Except she's white and dead.
Allow me.
Do you see that?
That just showed you
who's boss around here.
Well, there, boss lady.
You might wanna
go after your flunky.
He just left with our laundry.
How many bullets
in this gun, Chino?
That was you?
Or maybe it's you.
Or maybe me.
You all killed my Tony.
Thank you, thank
you. No, thank you!
Umm, lookie here, Maria.
I think this whole Helen
thing is a bit dishonest.
A bit dishonest? I'm lying
through my teeth out there.
Yeah, well, be that as it may.
Overton came here to
show off his baby, right?
But you're here
showin' off Helen.
Oh, I was thinking of
the masses and not you.
Oh, I'm sorry, oh.
Attention, everyone, please.
I have a confession to make.
I'm not this Helen you revere.
The truth is my name
is Synclaire James.
There, I said it.
Oh.
You almost got us
again, Helen. Oh, a kidder.
Come on. Do "Color Purple."
You sure is ugly.
Well, she was headed
for the freeway, true
but I guess she
missed the horn round.
Perhaps I'll have better luck.
I'm gonna seek out
Lester and apologize.
Synclaire.
I'm Helen Robinson
the woman you've been
impersonating all evening.
Um, my bad.
Uh, allow me to explain, please.
I have several
multiple personalities
although they're not
all mine and so‐‐.
Look, I wanna thank you, okay?
High school was an
exhausting time for me.
Always somebody,
do the impressions
oh, do The Helen,
oh, make us laugh.
Girl, these folks
will suck you dry.
Girl, you ain't said
nothing but the word.
I am sweating like
a racehorse, yes!
Well, it's just good
to see somebody else
making an ass of
herself for a change.
Well, it is a gift.
Lester?
Barker, man, why don't you
find your own hallway to work?
Man, you're here rippin'
off high school kids?
Technically, I'm
rippin' off the parents.
Cha ching. Lookie
here, lookie here.
Two hundred dollar
pair of tennis shoes.
Now they sure to hell
beat them saddle shoes
I used to snatch off
your feet, don't it?
Uh, look, Lester, man,
I came to apologize.
When I berated you earlier
I didn't realize the
extent of your misfortunes.
Oh, you hurt me deep, you know.
You wanna buy a new
pair of tennis shoes?
I got a proposition
for you, man.
You put those back
and, uh, this is yours.
‐ Fifty dollars? ‐ Yeah.
Man, I can get at least a
C‐note of buck 50 for these.
You know, for a
big‐time stockbroker
you don't know jack about
the free mortgage system.
Why do I even try to treat
you like a human being, man?
You know why?
Cause' I scare the crap
out of you, that's why.
Now why don't you give me
your wallet for old times' sake?
Lester, this ain't old
times and I'm a grown man.
You ain't nothing
but a tie joke, bruh.
Well, well, well.
Look who went to New York
and bought himself a backbone.
Look here, Lester, before
you double dog dare me
to put up my dukes, let
me ask you a question, bruh.
How did somebody who comes
from the same place as me
had the same opportunities
as me end up as self‐loathing
and pathetic as you?
Could you keep your hands off
just a teeny‐weeny
bit short, huh?
Lester, man, you
could have had a career
friends, family
but you chose to
push everybody away
so now you're a lonely old man
jackin' teenagers.
And I am sorry if that was
not short enough for you.
‐ Is that all? ‐
Yeah, that's it.
Well, bring it on, man!
Ah, damn, man, is that
a Walkman in there?
Where?
'Hey, man!'
'Let me up out of here.
I'm claustrophobes.'
I will be sure to
alert the authorities
after the party is over.
Anybody else want some?
'It's getting dark,
man. Come on.'
Woo‐hoo!
This woman comes
into my office screaming
that the garbage
men on our block
bang in the cans and
leave trash all over the place.
Oh, you mean like
you in our kitchen.
So I called the
Sanitation Department
and I tell them unless
they clean up their act
they'll be in the Bronx
Zoo on doo‐doo detail!
Hey, what the freak is goin' on?
Oh, they're dumping garbage
in front of Max's house.
Hey, Max, do we decorate?
Hey! I'm Alderwoman Shaw!
What the hell are you doing?
"Let us know if you have any
more constructive criticism.
Yours infield sanitation
workers, Local 318."
Well, it's a good
thing you didn't piss off
the guys at the morgue.
They would've dumped
the stiff on your stoop.
Yeah, we've seen Max's
dates. Sound like a step up.
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ Ooh and in a
'90s kind of world ♪
♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪
♪ Keep your head up what?
Keep your head up that's right ♪
♪ Whenever this life get
tough you gotta fight ♪
♪ With my homegirls standing
to my left and my right ♪
♪ True blue it's
tight like glue ♪
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Check check check it out ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ Haa ♪
Alright, that's what
I'm talking about.
Oh, alright!
I didn't heard of a Olympic
dream team this bad.
I mean, ain't nobody
gotta beat them.
I mean, who would've thought
they'd be so good
at Family Feud?
‐ Hey, hey, people. ‐
'Hey, what's up, man?'
Overton, mail call.
Oh, Kyle, this is
the sacred seal
of our alma mater
Carver High school
home of the Battling Badgers.
Yeah, well, it seems they're
closing the school down
because of an asbestos problem.
Man, there's no way on Earth
the hallowed halls of our school
could be insulated
with asbestos.
Yeah, well, they're
holding a farewell gala
for all the alums.
Oh, hey, I'm
Cleveland bound then.
Um, care to take a
stroll down memory lane
with me, my foxy fiance?
I'd be honored.
I flipped through your
yearbook so many times
I feel I know every
pimple‐peppered face.
‐ I'm not going.
‐ Oh, no, no, no.
I know what this is about.
You're afraid you're
gonna run into Lester Tate.
‐ Who's Lester
Tate? ‐ Lester Tate.
Page 93, defensive tackle.
Senior quote, "That which
does not kill you is not me."
Brother, please, look, I
have completely forgotten
about that heartless Neanderthal
who put marmalade in my sneakers
and made me wear
'em on the field trip
to the museum of rubber.
Yeah, well, if you've
forgotten all about it, how come
your lips wrapped around
your favorite comfort food?
Can't a man enjoy a Funyun..
Without being psychoanalyzed?
Look, Kyle, if you
don't go to the reunion
it's just another
victory for Lester.
Well, you know, if you
go, you could show him
how the Kyle caterpillar
has turned into
the Barker butterfly.
Or you can just sit here
and turn into the
Barker butterball.
Alright, admit it,
Overton, the only reason
why you want me in attendance
is so that I can jump‐start
our famous pop‐locking routine.
Yeah, well, I have to admit
it wouldn't be the same
without Carver's breaking
crew Spaghetti and Meatball.
Alright, if it means
that much to you
then Meatball will
be in attendance.
Alright then.
Uh, yo, Meatball.
Don't even try to roll up
out of here with our bowl.
Max, it stinks in here.
You better call them garbage
people up and apologize.
Well, how do you know that
this has anything to do with me.
Chicken Little?
Because they spell
Surrender Shaw
in chicken bones
on the side wall.
Hey, it smells like garbage
under a Christmas tree in here.
Look, Max, get on the
phone and fix the funk.
Look, I was just
elected alderwoman.
Now if I, if I give in now
it sends a message that
everyone in government
can just walk all over me.
Okay, let me clarify
the situation for you.
Regine and me
living with garbage
is like you being barefoot
and pregnant and liking it.
For real?
Oh, girl, I'm sorry.
I wouldn't wish
that even on you.
Well, alright, I mean,
I'll set up a meeting
with the union rep right away.
I'm, you know, I mean,
I have half tempted
to pay you back that money
I owe you, girl. I'm sorry.
♪ I remember when
rock was young ♪
♪ Me and Suzie had so much fun ♪
♪ Holding hands and
skimming stones ♪
Obie, is that you?
Check me out, mama.
I was the cleanest brother
ever to rode the pine.
Well, if I had been your steady.
I would've activated
your curl every night.
Oh, hey, now what's this?
Well, this is just
a picture of a door.
Oh, now you see the silhouette?
That‐that's Kyle struggling
to get out of the closet
after Lester locked him in.
Helen! Helen Robinson.
No, my name is Synclaire.
Damn, I used all my frequent
flyer miles to see Helen.
Sharon Rayford.
Overton Jones.
Hey.
Say, do you still do that
flipping your eyelids
inside‐out thing?
Oh, no, I‐I had to give that up.
The bugs kept flying in my eyes.
Um, hello, Sharon.
Hello.
Kyle, Kyle Barker?
Chemistry class?
Uh, intellectually blessed,
but you know, husky.
Oh, please.
Please, no, see, you're fine.
Kyle had bigger
breast than I did.
Uh, no, no, no, no,
Sharon, Sharon, this is Kyle.
Check this out.
Kyle.
You always did have
big dreamy brown eyes.
Mmm. Would you,
uh, care to dance?
I'd love to.
‐ Way to bow‐wow.
‐ Ah, well, watchdog.
Alright.
Helen Robinson?
Boogie down!
I, I am so glad
that they let me out for this.
Well, I'm glad, too,
but I‐I'm not Helen.
Damn. All that good
behavior for nothing.
O Dub Jones.
I told you that that Jheri curl
would make your hair fall out.
Yeah, and I told you that
impersonating a gynecologist
would land you
in jail, too, didn't I?
O Dub, tell me.
What happened to that chunky
guy you used to hang with?
I'm surprised you came.
Why, you didn't think a
stockbroker on the rise
would come out for
something like this, huh?
No, I didn't think Lester
Tate's whipping boy
would ever come back to Carver.
You gotta tell me,
how did he get you
on top of that flagpole
because your legs‐‐.
You know, um..
Excuse me, I think
they just brought out
the stuffed mushroom.
Kyle Barker?
‐ Between you and me. ‐ Mm‐hmm.
How much did you
spend on therapy?
Come again?
Well, Barker, if
Lester Tate put me
through half the hell
he put you through
I'd be hooked up to
electrodes 24 hours a day.
Yeah, well, Carl, all of that
is water under the
bridge now, okay?
What? Even after he
dissed you at the prom?
See, that shows
how much you know.
I didn't even go to my prom.
My date canceled
at the last minute.
Of course, she did.
Lester told her that you were
bragging to the whole school
that you would have her
under the bleachers by midnight.
You mean, you didn't know?
Ah, no, no one told me.
Is Lester here?
Well, you don't have a
wedgie, so I guess not.
Yoo‐hoo! Smile, Helen!
Oh, I, I don't mean
to rain on your parade
but I'm not Helen.
Maybe she's just not coming.
Oh, don't waste your time.
That's not Helen.
What?
Did you say Helen?
Forgive me, I
thought you said Ellen.
Of course, I'm Helen.
I knew it!
Hey, everybody, it's Helen!
Overton, look, man, I'm leaving.
‐ What's wrong, dawg? ‐
Man, I'm so furious right now.
If I saw Lester, I might
actually do him bodily harm.
Or open your mouth and dump
the entire buffet table into it.
‐ Anyway, I'm out,
alright. ‐ Alright.
Man, what's wrong
with you, dawg?
‐ You got hand all up over
me. ‐ My apologies, man.
Wait a minute.
You're the one who
eats like a horse
and talks like a horse's ass.
Kyle Barker.
Lester Tate.
You've got something you
wanna say to me, huh, Barker?
Ah, maybe he does
and maybe he doesn't.
Look, O Dub, I got my
own back man, alright.
Umm, alright, hey,
handle your business.
Now, Lester, I got something
I've been wanting to say to you
ever since threw me down
and played jungle boogie
on my stomach, huh?
Look, man, you've got
the soul of a coward.
You picked on people you
knew wouldn't fight back.
The little people,
the nerds the robust.
Hey, take a look
around you, Lester.
All your former victims are
now doctors and‐and handymen
and handsome funds managers.
So now what do you
have to say for yourself?
As a matter of
fact, I'm nothing.
‐ Uh‐huh. See? ‐ Hmm, I know.
Haven't even had
a job in over a year.
My unemployment check
ran out on me six weeks ago
and so did my wife.
She took the car,
she took the kids
and she took the dog.
I miss my dog.
I'm livin' on my grand
mama's back porch.
But I'm glad to see
that you're doing well.
And if it makes
you feel any better
keep on pickin' on
the homeless guy.
Um, man.
Uh, look, Lester, I‐I
had no idea, man‐‐.
Well, it's a little
late now, isn't it?
Come on, Lester baby,
I'm gonna fix you a plate.
That's bad.
He had that dog
since we was in school.
You guys are so great.
You guys are great.
You‐you know what?
I used to love when
you did the Helen.
The Helen, I loved that dance.
‐ Oh, come on,
do it! ‐ Do it, do it!
Oh! Oh, I haven't
Helen in years.
Well, okay, woo.
Wait a minute there!
That's not the Helen.
That's better than the Helen.
You're a dancing machine.
Umm, look here, Kyle.
I'm takin' up a collection
to get Lester a new dog.
Man, he already has my
dignity. What more does he want?
Oh, cheer up, Kyle.
I mean, when you laid into him
you had no idea he was
lower than a worm's belly.
You know, my mean display
back there made me realize
a part of me is still stuck
in that 10th grade, man.
I guess I need to
admit I'm just a big and..
Soon‐to‐be fat phony.
Look on the bright side.
Keep eating like that
and you will be able to fit
into your prom tux again.
Okay, okay, listen.
That is the sanitation honcho.
I'll do all the talking.
Khadijah, you sit there and
and look really tough and.
Regine, you stuff your
wig in your mouth, alright.
Alderwoman Shaw?
Yes, I am Alderwoman Shaw.
Kenneth Reed, Department
of Sanitation, local 318.
She's sorry. She's
so damn sorry.
She'll never do
it again. Coffee?
Look, Mr. Reed, I
called you over here
so we could discuss how
this trash malfeasance
has affected two
of my constituents.
Yeah, now I know Brooklyn trash
and that's not it.
You've been trucking that
mess in from Staten Island.
Pound cake? Sugar cookie? Grits?
Ma'am, I'm dealing
with a sensitive group
of sanitation engineers
and when they have to
deal with a rude politician
it upsets them.
They forget things.
Like the fact that the city dump
is not in front of your house.
Apologize to the
nice garbage man.
Hell, no.
Apologize.
I'm sorry..
That I yelled at your men
and called them a bunch of
beer‐swilling trash monkeys.
Apology accepted.
Miss Shaw, you're
new to politics
so let me explain the
hierarchy of the city to you.
Alderman.
City Council.
Mayor.
Garbage men.
God.
Point taken.
Just make sure you
don't bang the cans
or I'll go over your head.
Alderwoman Shaw, you
remind me of my mother.
Except she's white and dead.
Allow me.
Do you see that?
That just showed you
who's boss around here.
Well, there, boss lady.
You might wanna
go after your flunky.
He just left with our laundry.
How many bullets
in this gun, Chino?
That was you?
Or maybe it's you.
Or maybe me.
You all killed my Tony.
Thank you, thank
you. No, thank you!
Umm, lookie here, Maria.
I think this whole Helen
thing is a bit dishonest.
A bit dishonest? I'm lying
through my teeth out there.
Yeah, well, be that as it may.
Overton came here to
show off his baby, right?
But you're here
showin' off Helen.
Oh, I was thinking of
the masses and not you.
Oh, I'm sorry, oh.
Attention, everyone, please.
I have a confession to make.
I'm not this Helen you revere.
The truth is my name
is Synclaire James.
There, I said it.
Oh.
You almost got us
again, Helen. Oh, a kidder.
Come on. Do "Color Purple."
You sure is ugly.
Well, she was headed
for the freeway, true
but I guess she
missed the horn round.
Perhaps I'll have better luck.
I'm gonna seek out
Lester and apologize.
Synclaire.
I'm Helen Robinson
the woman you've been
impersonating all evening.
Um, my bad.
Uh, allow me to explain, please.
I have several
multiple personalities
although they're not
all mine and so‐‐.
Look, I wanna thank you, okay?
High school was an
exhausting time for me.
Always somebody,
do the impressions
oh, do The Helen,
oh, make us laugh.
Girl, these folks
will suck you dry.
Girl, you ain't said
nothing but the word.
I am sweating like
a racehorse, yes!
Well, it's just good
to see somebody else
making an ass of
herself for a change.
Well, it is a gift.
Lester?
Barker, man, why don't you
find your own hallway to work?
Man, you're here rippin'
off high school kids?
Technically, I'm
rippin' off the parents.
Cha ching. Lookie
here, lookie here.
Two hundred dollar
pair of tennis shoes.
Now they sure to hell
beat them saddle shoes
I used to snatch off
your feet, don't it?
Uh, look, Lester, man,
I came to apologize.
When I berated you earlier
I didn't realize the
extent of your misfortunes.
Oh, you hurt me deep, you know.
You wanna buy a new
pair of tennis shoes?
I got a proposition
for you, man.
You put those back
and, uh, this is yours.
‐ Fifty dollars? ‐ Yeah.
Man, I can get at least a
C‐note of buck 50 for these.
You know, for a
big‐time stockbroker
you don't know jack about
the free mortgage system.
Why do I even try to treat
you like a human being, man?
You know why?
Cause' I scare the crap
out of you, that's why.
Now why don't you give me
your wallet for old times' sake?
Lester, this ain't old
times and I'm a grown man.
You ain't nothing
but a tie joke, bruh.
Well, well, well.
Look who went to New York
and bought himself a backbone.
Look here, Lester, before
you double dog dare me
to put up my dukes, let
me ask you a question, bruh.
How did somebody who comes
from the same place as me
had the same opportunities
as me end up as self‐loathing
and pathetic as you?
Could you keep your hands off
just a teeny‐weeny
bit short, huh?
Lester, man, you
could have had a career
friends, family
but you chose to
push everybody away
so now you're a lonely old man
jackin' teenagers.
And I am sorry if that was
not short enough for you.
‐ Is that all? ‐
Yeah, that's it.
Well, bring it on, man!
Ah, damn, man, is that
a Walkman in there?
Where?
'Hey, man!'
'Let me up out of here.
I'm claustrophobes.'
I will be sure to
alert the authorities
after the party is over.
Anybody else want some?
'It's getting dark,
man. Come on.'
Woo‐hoo!