Living Single (1993–1998): Season 4, Episode 6 - Multiple Choice - full transcript
ALL RIGHT.
WHAT, WHAT IS THIS?
CHICKEN LEG, CHICKEN...
I ORDERED CHICKEN
WINGS, NOT CHICKEN LEGS.
WELL, NEITHER DID MAX, BUT
THAT'S WHAT GOD GAVE HER.
LET ME STIR THAT FOR YOU.
HEY, SORRY I'M LATE.
BUT I WAS DETAINED BY
AN AMOROUS METER MAID.
YOU KNOW, IT'S HARD TO
REFUSE A PHONE NUMBER
WHEN IT'S WRITTEN
ON THE BACK OF
YOUR PARKING TICKET.
SO THEY'RE GIVING OUT
TICKETS FOR UGLY NOW, HUH?
OH, POOR MAXINE.
JUST JEALOUS
BECAUSE THE LAST
PHONE NUMBER SHE GOT
WAS TO A PAY PHONE AT RIKERS.
WHEN DID YOU CUT OFF
THE GUYS AT ATTICA?
WAIT, WAIT. HOLD UP.
IF MAX HASN'T GONE OUT ON A
DATE IN THE PAST COUPLE OF WEEKS
IT'S BECAUSE SHE
DOESN'T FEEL LIKE IT.
THANK YOU, KHADIJAH.
'COURSE IF SHE DID FEEL LIKE IT
IT WOULDN'T MATTER
'CAUSE NOBODY CALLS.
I DON'T NEED NOBODY TO CALL ME.
I CAN GET AS MANY NUMBERS
AS I WANT WHENEVER I WANT.
UH‐UH.
BATHROOMS WALLS DO NOT COUNT.
I ALREADY GOT YOUR NUMBER, KYLE.
LOOK, PICK ANY MAN IN HERE‐‐
I'LL GET THE DIGITS.
OH, JUST PAVING YOUR OWN ROAD
TO HUMILIATION, AREN'T YOU?
ALL RIGHT.
UH...
HUH... THE WAITER‐‐
JUNIOR RIGHT THERE.
PEEP THE TECHNIQUE.
OH.
YEAH, UM, MAX IS THE NAME.
NICE APRON.
LOOK, WHY DON'T YOU
GIVE ME YOUR PHONE NUMBER
AND, UH, I'LL CALL YOU SOMETIME.
SORRY, BUT I'M NOT INTERESTED.
OH, YOU MARRIED?
NO.
GAY?
NO.
NO PHONE?
EXCUSE ME.
THOSE FOLKS ARE WAITING
FOR THEIR GAZPACHO.
CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?
A MARRIED GAY GUY WITH NO PHONE.
♪ WE ARE LIVING ♪
♪ HEY ♪
♪ SINGLE ♪
♪ OOH, IN A '90s KIND OF WORLD ♪
♪ I'M GLAD I GOT MY GIRLS ♪
♪ KEEP YOUR HEAD UP ♪
♪ WHAT? ♪
♪ KEEP YOUR HEAD UP ♪
♪ THAT'S RIGHT ♪
♪ WHENEVER THIS
LIFE GETS TOUGH ♪
♪ YOU GOT TO FIGHT WITH ♪
♪ MY HOMEGIRL
STANDING TO MY LEFT ♪
♪ AND MY RIGHT ♪
♪ TRUE BLUE, IT'S
TIGHT LIKE GLUE ♪
♪ CHECK, CHECK, CHECK IT OUT ♪
♪ CHECK, CHECK, CHECK IT OUT ♪
♪ WE ARE LIVING SINGLE. ♪
Captioning sponsored by FOX
BROADCASTING COMPANY
OBIE, TURN THAT OFF.
REVEREND TAYLOR'S GOING
TO BE HERE ANY MINUTE.
I DON'T WANT HIM
OFFENDED BY THIS VIOLENCE.
SYNCLAIRE, HE'S TAKING
THE SUBWAY OVER.
IF HE MAKES IT HERE IN ONE
PIECE I'M SURE HE'LL BE RELIEVED
TO SEE CHARLES
BRONSON'S ANGELIC FACE.
REVEREND TAYLOR, COME ON IN.
WELL, I COULDN'T
BE MORE BLESSED.
MY FAVORITE COUPLE'S
JUMPING THE BROOM
AND NOBODY EXPOSED
THEMSELVES ON THE SUBWAY.
WELL, THANK YOU, REVEREND
AND WE'RE REALLY HONORED
THAT YOU AGREED TO
PERFORM THE CEREMONY.
WELL, AS MOSES SAID
TO THE BURNING BUSH
"IT'S GOING TO BE HOT!"
YOU SEE? YES.
I'M GOING TO HAVE A SEAT.
WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THE
WEDDING DATE AND THE VOWS
AND, OF COURSE, THE EXAM.
OH, EXAM... WELL, UH...
I JUST HAD A PHYSICAL.
MM‐MM. AND THE DOCTOR SAID
THAT HE'S NEVER SEEN ANYONE
AT MY FITNESS LEVEL
MORE FIT THAN I AM.
NO, SYNCLAIRE.
I'M TALKING ABOUT THE
WRITTEN COMPATIBILITY TEST.
OH, COME ON, REVEREND.
YOU KNOW THAT SYNCLAIRE AND I
ARE MORE COMPATIBLE THAN
CORN DOGS AND COOL WHIP.
IT MAKES A NICE
LITTLE PICK‐ME‐UP.
WELL, YOU SEE, SON,
IT'S NOT UP TO ME.
THE CHURCH REQUIRES THAT
ALL COUPLES PASS THIS TEST
BEFORE I'M ALLOWED
TO MARRY THEM.
WELL, I'M SURE
WE'LL PASS THE TEST
JUST LIKE YOU AND
MRS. TAYLOR DID.
WELL, THIS EXAM WASN'T
AROUND WHEN WE GOT MARRIED.
WE HAD A MUCH
MORE DIFFICULT TEST.
OH, WHAT WAS THAT?
WELL, SYNCLAIRE...
ME AND THE MISSUS MET IN 1978.
YOU SEE, SHE DUG BARRY WHITE
AND I GROOVED TO BARRY GIBB.
YEAH.
DIDN'T EVER THINK THAT
WE'D SEE EYE TO EYE.
THEN CAME SALVATION‐‐
THE WALKMAN... AND HIS
AND HER HEADPHONES.
I TELL YOU, THE LORD
AND THE JAPANESE
WORK IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS.
WELL, WELL... ALL RIGHT, GREAT.
HERE'S THE DEAL.
THE WAITER'S NAME
IS TIM MATTHEWS.
LAST TWO YEARS,
HE'S DATED FIVE WOMEN
AND THERE IS NO HISTORY OF
MENTAL ILLNESS IN HIS FAMILY.
WELL, HONEY, THERE
GO YOUR CHANCES.
YOU ARE BUGGIN'. HE'S
NOT EVEN YOUR TYPE.
WHO SAID THIS IS ABOUT HIM?
MAXINE SHAW DOES
NOT ACCEPT DEFEAT‐‐
NOT IN THE COURTROOM AND
CERTAINLY NOT IN A BARROOM.
TO ME, REJECTION
IS ABOUT AS NATURAL
AS THAT THING ON REGINE'S HEAD.
JUST BECAUSE I DIDN'T GROW IT
DOESN'T MAKE IT
ANY LESS NATURAL.
SYNCLAIRE, YOU ALL RIGHT?
YOU USED OUR SPECIAL
EMERGENCY PAGE.
I THOUGHT WE WERE
ONLY USING THAT
IN CASE OF NUCLEAR ATTACK
OR IF YOU GOT YOUR HEAD
STUCK IN THE BANISTER AGAIN.
WE HAVE TO STUDY FOR
REVEREND TAYLOR'S TEST.
I BORROWED ALL REGINE'S
RELATIONSHIP BOOKS. COME ON.
SYNCLAIRE, IT'S NOT THE
KIND OF TEST YOU STUDY FOR.
THEN WHY IS THERE A
SAMPLE TEST IN HERE?
LOOK AT THIS‐‐
QUESTION NUMBER ONE:
WE'RE EMBROILED
IN A HEATED DEBATE
OVER A DEEP PHILOSOPHICAL ISSUE.
WHAT DO WE DO?
GO.
AGREE THAT THE FIRST
LIONEL JEFFERSON
WAS THE BEST AND PRESS ON.
AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED
THERE ARE ONLY THREE
COMPATIBILITY QUESTIONS
THAT TRULY MATTER.
DO YOU LOVE REGINE?
WOULD YOU DIE FOR REGINE?
IF YOU DID DIE
WOULD REGINE BE TAKEN
CARE OF FINANCIALLY?
AND WOULD SHE RECEIVE
PSYCHOTHERAPY...
TO KEEP HER FROM
TALKING TO MANNEQUINS?
COME ON, SYNCLAIRE.
THIS TEST IS A GIMME.
OUR RELATIONSHIP IS AS SMOOTH
AS GRANDPA JONES' MOONSHINE.
UH, SMOOTHER, ACTUALLY.
YOU NEVER MADE ME COUGH.
WELL, I THINK WE SHOULD STUDY.
RIGHT, KHADIJAH?
I DON'T KNOW.
I'M STILL WORKING ON THAT
LIONEL JEFFERSON THING.
THE SECOND ONE COULDN'T ACT
BUT THE FIRST ONE
HAD THAT FUNKY 'FRO.
ALL RIGHT, OBIE,
TIME FOR CHAPTER 27.
"THE HONEYMOON'S OVER,
THE SCRATCHING BEGINS."
COME ON, SYNCLAIRE.
WE'VE BEEN AT THIS FOR TWO DAYS.
YESTERDAY I SPENT THREE
HOURS BEING QUIZZED
ON THE FATHER'S ROLE IN
BREAST‐FEEDING IN PUBLIC.
I MEAN, AT THIS POINT, I'M
A LITTLE HUNGRY MYSELF.
LET'S TAKE A BREAK, OKAY?
YES, YES, MY DARLING.
HI, PEOPLE.
MAX, I THOUGHT YOU
WERE GOING TO EAT WITH US
BUT BY THE LOOKS OF THAT DRESS
YOU'RE JUST GOING
TO PICK SOMETHING UP.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
ALL RIGHT.
MAX...
YOU REALLY THINK
THAT GUY'S WORTH YOUR
"PEEL ME LIKE A BANANA" DRESS?
THERE'S AN OLD SAYING:
"TANTALIZING IS THE TAPEWORM
THAT SCORNS THE BELLY."
MAX ONLY WANTS HIM
BECAUSE SHE CAN'T HAVE HIM.
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.
TIM IS A MAN ON HIS WAY UP.
AS SOON AS THE FRY
COOK DIES, HE'S THE MAN.
HELLO, TIM.
OH, HI.
UH... UH... MAX. MAX. MAX. MAX.
RIGHT.
MAX.
UH, WHAT CAN I GET FOR YOU?
OKAY, I WILL HAVE A CHEESEBURGER
AND YOUR PHONE NUMBER.
OKAY, WE GOT ONE CHEESEBURGER...
AND ONE NO CHANCE.
HEY, LOOK, COME ON.
LET'S CUT TO THE
CHASE ALL RIGHT?
I'M A LAWYER, I LOOK LIKE THIS
I'M AVAILABLE.
DO THE RIGHT THING, MAN.
NO OFFENSE, BUT
YOU'RE JUST A LITTLE BIT
TOO AGGRESSIVE FOR ME.
TOO AGGRESSIVE?
YEAH.
WELL, I CAN BE VERY LAID BACK
UH, VERY CASUAL.
LET'S GO DANCING.
I'LL LET YOU LEAD.
SURE. I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
YOU CAN WATCH ME...
DO "THE RUNNING MAN."
NOW HOMER WILL SCRAPE
GUM FROM UNDER A TABLE
BUT HE WON'T GO OUT WITH YOU.
I LIKE HIM.
OH, CHECK THIS OUT.
THEY GOT RELIGIOUS
ARCHIE COMICS NOW...
AND JUGHEAD'S PASSING
OUT THE COMMUNION
AND I'LL BE DAMNED...
I'LL BE DAMNED IF BIG ETHYL.
AIN'T LEADING THE CHOIR.
OH, HELLO, MRS. TAYLOR.
HELLO, DEAR.
MY HUSBAND ASKED ME TO TELL YOU
IT'S GOING TO BE A
FEW MORE MOMENTS.
HE'S BAPTIZING QUINTUPLETS
AND RAN OUT OF WATER.
OOH, ARCHIE.
ISN'T IT INSPIRING HOW MOOSE
FINDS THE MISSING
COLLECTION BASKETS?
EH, WHAT'S A COMIC
BOOK WITHOUT SUSPENSE?
YOU SHOULD BE STUDYING ANYWAY.
SYNCLAIRE, MY BRAIN IS FULL.
NOW I KNOW HOW TO HANDLE
YOUR MENOPAUSE, MY MENOPAUSE
AND HOW TO KEEP
THE PILLOW TALK ALIVE
IF WE BOTH GET
STRUCK DEAF OR DUMB.
BUT, OBIE, WHAT IF
THERE'S A HIDDEN FLAW
IN OUR RELATIONSHIP?
SYNCLAIRE, IF I'M
UNDERSTANDING YOU CORRECTLY‐‐
WHICH IS NEVER A GIVEN‐‐
UM... YOU'RE HAVING
DOUBTS ABOUT US?
MAYBE I'D BE MORE CONFIDENT
IF YOU TOOK THIS TEST
AS SERIOUSLY AS I DO.
WELL, MAYBE IF YOU HAD
MORE FAITH IN OUR RELATIONSHIP
YOU WOULDN'T TAKE
THIS TEST SO SERIOUSLY.
AHH, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE RIGHT.
YOU KNOW, WHY DON'T YOU GO BACK
TO READING YOUR COMIC BOOK
AND FIND OUT IF BETTY
GETS MARRIED TO PIGPEN.
PIGPEN'S A "PEANUT"...
NOT AN ARCHIE.
WELL, IF THERE'S A
SECTION ON THIS TEST
CALLED "WHO GIVES A RAT'S BUTT?"
I'M SURE WE'LL PASS
WITH FLYING COLORS.
YOU WANT TO GO THERE, HUH?
OH... I'M ALREADY THERE, JUST
HOPING YOU WON'T SHOW UP.
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.
LET ME TELL YOU...
WELL, WELL, WELL.
HOW'S THE HAPPY COUPLE?
READY TO TAKE THE TEST?
YES. VERY READY.
YEP, I'M TWICE AS
READY AS SHE IS.
COME ON. LET'S GO.
"THE COUPLE'S
CUMULATIVE TOTAL OF .008
"WAS THE LOWEST RECORDED SCORE
SINCE THE INCEPTION
OF THE EXAM."
I‐I‐I CAN'T EVEN FATHOM THIS.
I MEAN, YOU TWO PRACTICALLY
HAVE THE SAME MIND.
SYNCLAIRE, JUST YESTERDAY
YOU DIDN'T KNOW IF YOU WERE
HUNGRY FOR CHINESE OR ITALIAN
AND OVERTON WALKS IN
TALKING ABOUT RESERVATIONS
AT KUNG PAO CORLEONE'S.
WAIT, WAIT, LET'S JUST
SURVEY THE DATA, SHALL WE?
NOW, THE FIRST QUESTION WAS
"IF YOU FOUND OUT
"YOUR SPOUSE WAS
HAVING AN AFFAIR
WHAT WOULD YOU DO?"
SYNCLAIRE ANSWERED
"HOPE HE WOULDN'T RUSH HOME
AS TO NOT INTERRUPT MY
TIME WITH THE GARDENER."
DOH...
OVERTON'S ANSWER WAS
"VIDEOTAPE IT AND SUE
HER CHEATING BUTT."
OBIE, THE ONLY WAY
I'D HAVE AN AFFAIR
WITH THE GARDENER
IS IF YOU WERE THE GARDENER
AND YOU WERE MARRIED
TO SOMEONE ELSE.
AND IF I WAS THE GARDENER
I'D DIVORCE MY WIFE
AND MAKE AN HONEST WOMAN OF YOU.
I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY, TOO, OKAY?
WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO
ABOUT REVEREND TAYLOR?
DON'T LOSE HOPE, BABY.
HE'LL LET US TAKE
THE EXAM AGAIN.
ALL WE GOT TO DO IS
EXPLAIN THE CIRCUMSTANCES.
I DON'T KNOW, OVERTON.
I DON'T EVEN THINK A MAN OF GOD
COULD FORGIVE YOUR
ANSWER TO NUMBER 14.
OH, SNAP, WE REALLY
ARE COMPATIBLE.
I SAID, "BURN DOWN YOUR HOUSE
AND BLOW UP YOUR CAR" TOO.
HEY, GIRL, LOOK WHO'S
CHECKING OUT A BOOK
FROM MY SELF‐HELP SECTION.
"WHERE'S WALDO AND
WHY CAN'T HE COMMIT?"
MAX, THOSE BOOKS ARE
FOR DYSFUNCTIONAL LOSERS.
N‐NO OFFENSE, REGINE.
ALL RIGHT!
THIS WHOLE THING
WITH THE WAITER TIM
IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!
I MEAN... GOSH, I MEAN
WHERE'S HE GET OFF
CALLING ME AGGRESSIVE?
HE'S LUCKY I DIDN'T
THROW HIM IN A HEADLOCK.
YOU KNOW, MAX, AS MUCH
AS I ENJOY SEEING YOU IN PAIN
IT IS STARTING TO BORE
ME, SO I'M ABOUT TO GIVE YOU
REGINE'S SUREFIRE
HOOK‐UP STRATEGY.
WELL, I MUST BE DESPERATE
'CAUSE I'M ABOUT
TO LISTEN TO YOU.
YOU SEE, LADIES, THERE
ARE TWO TYPES OF MEN.
THE FIRST TYPE WANTS
YOU TO TAKE CHARGE.
THEY ARE SO AFRAID OF REJECTION
THAT THEY WAIT UNTIL
YOU MAKE THE EFFORT.
YEAH, YEAH, THE WIMPS
AND THE LOSERS‐‐ GO ON.
THE SECOND TYPE ARE HUNTERS.
THEY ARE IN IT FOR
THE CHALLENGE.
JERKS AND THE MORONS ARE.
IF YOU PURSUE A HUNTER
THE CHASE IS OVER.
YOU ASKING FOR
TIM'S PHONE NUMBER
IS LIKE A DEER WALKING
UP TO A HUNTER
AND NIBBLING ON THE
BARREL OF HIS RIFLE.
REGINE, I DON'T THINK
YOUR TIGER BEAT WISDOM
IS GOING TO HELP MAX.
SHE AND THE WAITER TIM ARE
NOT MEANT FOR EACH OTHER.
SHUT UP, KHADIJAH.
GO AHEAD, REGINE.
YOU HAVE GOT TO
LET THE WAITER TIM
SEE THE RESERVED, SENSITIVE,
FEMININE SIDE OF YOU.
SHE MEANS IF YOU BELCH,
DON'T IDENTIFY THE SMELL.
I'M GOING TO GO DOWN
THERE RIGHT NOW
AND SHOW THAT JACKASS
JUST HOW SENSITIVE I CAN BE.
COME ON, REGINE, LET'S GO.
MAXINE, WHEN YOU CLIMB UP THE
MOUNTAIN TO TALK TO THE GURU
SHE DOES NOT CLIMB
BACK DOWN WITH YOU.
HERE HE COMES.
JUST WATCH MY SENSITIVE SIDE.
OKAY... OH, IT'S... YOU.
WHAT CAN I GET YOU?
MANY CHOICES, WAITER.
WHAT DO YOU RECOMMEND?
DID YOU FEEL THAT?
A WARM FEELING JUST
PASSED BETWEEN US.
IS IT ME? IS IT YOU?
COULD IT BE US?
LADY, DON'T MAKE ME MOVE
OUT OF NEW YORK, OKAY?
WELL, FOLKS
THOSE HOT WINGS ARE
REALLY STARTING TO KICK IN.
I'LL BE BACK IN ABOUT FIVE.
MAX, NOW LISTEN... I
CONSIDER US TO BE FAM.
SO I FEEL AS THOUGH
I CAN TELL YOU THAT
YOU'RE MAKING A COMPLETE
ASS OUT OF YOURSELF.
NOW, COME ON, LET'S
GET OUT OF HERE, PLEASE?
YEAH, YEAH
KHADIJAH, MAYBE
YOU SHOULD LEAVE.
THIS AIN'T GOING TO BE PRETTY.
WHA...?
♪ WHEN I WAS YOUNG ♪
♪ I NEVER NEEDED ANYONE ♪
♪ AND MAKING LOVE WAS JUST ♪
♪ FOR FUN ♪
♪ I GUESS THOSE DAYS ARE GONE ♪
♪ ALL BY MYSE‐E‐ELF ♪
♪ DON'T WANT TO BE ♪
♪ ALL BY MYSELF ♪
♪ ANYMORE ♪
NO!
♪ ALL BY MYSE‐E‐ELF ♪
I DON'T WANT TO LIVE...
♪ ALL BY MYSELF ♪
♪ ANYMORE. ♪
NOW, THAT WAS PRETTY FUNNY.
LOOK... IF I GAVE YOU MY NUMBER
IS THERE ANY CHANCE
YOU'D GIVE ME A CALL?
OKAY.
I'LL CALL YOU.
THAT'S MORE LIKE IT.
NOW, BLOW IT OUT YOUR BUS BOX.
I DON'T GO FOR DESPERATE MEN.
COME ON, KHADIJAH.
LET'S GET UP ON OUT OF HERE.
HELLO, REVEREND.
I‐I'M SORRY WE'RE EARLY.
WE WERE REALLY
ANXIOUS TO TALK TO YOU.
OH, DON'T YOU FRET, SYNCLAIRE.
I DON'T THINK SATAN
COULD HAVE TAKEN TOO MUCH MORE.
WHOA‐HO‐HO‐HO‐HO!
UH, UH, REVEREND ABOUT THE EXAM.
I KNOW WE DIDN'T EXACTLY
IMPRESS THE CHURCH
WITH OUR STORY.
"IMPRESS THE CHURCH"?
SON, YOU SIGNED YOUR NAME
OVERTON "BETTER
DEAD THAN WED" JONES.
WELL, SIR, THERE'S A
PERFECTLY GOOD REASON
FOR OVERTON'S
NOT‐SO‐FUNNY NOM DE PLUME.
LET ME HAZARD A GUESS.
YOU TWO HAD A SPAT
BEFORE THE EXAM
AND THEN TURNED ON EACH
OTHER LIKE CAIN TURNED ON ABEL.
I KNEW YOU'D UNDERSTAND.
SO, IF YOU JUST LET US
TAKE THE EXAM AGAIN
BEFORE YOU KNOW IT,
WE'LL ALL BE DODGING RICE.
OVERTON, SYNCLAIRE, I'D
LOVE TO MARRY YOU TWO
BUT THE FACT IS I CAN'T.
YOU SEE, THE BISHOP,
WELL, HE'S, UH...
A REAL STICKLER ON
CHURCH POLICY, YOU SEE
AND BESIDES, HE HOLDS
THE MORTGAGE ON OUR HOME.
SYNCLAIRE'S COUNTING
ON YOU MARRYING US
AND IF IT'S IMPORTANT TO
HER, THEN IT'S IMPORTANT TO ME.
I‐I'D LIKE TO HELP YOU, SON,
BUT MY HANDS ARE TIED. I...
OH! THERE ARE OUR TWO LOVEBIRDS.
NOW, YOU BE SURE AND GET
ME THAT ORGAN MUSIC EARLY.
I DON'T MEAN TO BRAG,
BUT I CAN POUND OUT
A PRETTY ROUSING VERSION
OF "BOOGIE OOGIE OOGIE."
UH, HOW'S YOUR
VERSION OF "TAPS"?
WHAT?
THE REVEREND CAN'T MARRY US
BECAUSE WE FAILED
THE COMPATIBILITY TEST.
YOU TWO FAILED?
NOW, THIS JUST PROVES
WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING
ALL ALONG, LESLIE.
THAT TEST IS A CROCK.
YOU KNOW THE BISHOP
IS A FERVENT BELIEVER
IN THAT THERE TEST.
WELL, I'M NOT
LISTENING TO THE BISHOP
TILL HE FIXES OUR TOILET.
CAN'T THEY TAKE IT AGAIN?
NOBODY WILL KNOW.
I WON'T SAY BOO.
LOOK, DON'T YOU TELL
ME HOW TO DO MY JOB.
I DON'T TELL YOU HOW TO PLAY
THAT RAGGEDY ORGAN OF YOURS.
IT'S NOT HALF AS RAGGEDY
AS THAT COUCH YOU'LL
BE SLEEPING ON TONIGHT.
EXCUSE ME.
I DON'T WANT TO
SPEAK OUT OF TURN
BUT SEEMS TO ME IF YOU ALL
TOOK THAT TEST RIGHT NOW
I DON'T THINK YOU'D
MAKE THE HONOR ROLL.
POINT TAKEN.
HOWEVER, THE ARGUMENT
BETWEEN YOU TWO
DOES CONCERN ME.
THEN AGAIN, THE ARGUMENT
BETWEEN MY WIFE AND ME
CONCERNS ME A LITTLE MORE.
ANYONE WHO DOESN'T
BELIEVE IN HELL
HASN'T SLEPT ON THAT COUCH.
YOU AND THE MISSUS
STILL LOVE EACH
OTHER, DON'T YOU?
OH, I WAS JUST KIDDING
ABOUT THE COUCH.
YOU CAN SLEEP IN THE TUB.
ALL RIGHT.
IF YOU TWO WILL ENROLL
IN A LITTLE PREMARITAL
COUNSELING
WELL, UH, I'LL FIND A WAY
TO LET YOU RETAKE THE TEST.
Synclaire: OH, REALLY?
IT IS FREE, RIGHT?
OH, ABSOLUTELY FREE.
YOU CAN'T BEAT THAT
WITH A HOLY STICK.
Synclaire: AMEN.
OH, OBIE, I'M SO HAPPY.
THEY REMIND YOU OF US
WHEN WE WERE STARTING OUT.
FULL OF LIFE.
YOU'D BETTER BELIEVE IT.
READY TO GRAB THE
WORLD BY THE TAIL.
AND NOT GIVE IN TO THE
PLEASURES OF THE FLESH
UNTIL THAT MAGICAL
WEDDING NIGHT.
OH, WILL YOU LOOK AT THE TIME?
WE'VE REALLY GOT TO GO.
WE'LL SEE YOU.
WOO‐HOO!
WHAT, WHAT IS THIS?
CHICKEN LEG, CHICKEN...
I ORDERED CHICKEN
WINGS, NOT CHICKEN LEGS.
WELL, NEITHER DID MAX, BUT
THAT'S WHAT GOD GAVE HER.
LET ME STIR THAT FOR YOU.
HEY, SORRY I'M LATE.
BUT I WAS DETAINED BY
AN AMOROUS METER MAID.
YOU KNOW, IT'S HARD TO
REFUSE A PHONE NUMBER
WHEN IT'S WRITTEN
ON THE BACK OF
YOUR PARKING TICKET.
SO THEY'RE GIVING OUT
TICKETS FOR UGLY NOW, HUH?
OH, POOR MAXINE.
JUST JEALOUS
BECAUSE THE LAST
PHONE NUMBER SHE GOT
WAS TO A PAY PHONE AT RIKERS.
WHEN DID YOU CUT OFF
THE GUYS AT ATTICA?
WAIT, WAIT. HOLD UP.
IF MAX HASN'T GONE OUT ON A
DATE IN THE PAST COUPLE OF WEEKS
IT'S BECAUSE SHE
DOESN'T FEEL LIKE IT.
THANK YOU, KHADIJAH.
'COURSE IF SHE DID FEEL LIKE IT
IT WOULDN'T MATTER
'CAUSE NOBODY CALLS.
I DON'T NEED NOBODY TO CALL ME.
I CAN GET AS MANY NUMBERS
AS I WANT WHENEVER I WANT.
UH‐UH.
BATHROOMS WALLS DO NOT COUNT.
I ALREADY GOT YOUR NUMBER, KYLE.
LOOK, PICK ANY MAN IN HERE‐‐
I'LL GET THE DIGITS.
OH, JUST PAVING YOUR OWN ROAD
TO HUMILIATION, AREN'T YOU?
ALL RIGHT.
UH...
HUH... THE WAITER‐‐
JUNIOR RIGHT THERE.
PEEP THE TECHNIQUE.
OH.
YEAH, UM, MAX IS THE NAME.
NICE APRON.
LOOK, WHY DON'T YOU
GIVE ME YOUR PHONE NUMBER
AND, UH, I'LL CALL YOU SOMETIME.
SORRY, BUT I'M NOT INTERESTED.
OH, YOU MARRIED?
NO.
GAY?
NO.
NO PHONE?
EXCUSE ME.
THOSE FOLKS ARE WAITING
FOR THEIR GAZPACHO.
CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?
A MARRIED GAY GUY WITH NO PHONE.
♪ WE ARE LIVING ♪
♪ HEY ♪
♪ SINGLE ♪
♪ OOH, IN A '90s KIND OF WORLD ♪
♪ I'M GLAD I GOT MY GIRLS ♪
♪ KEEP YOUR HEAD UP ♪
♪ WHAT? ♪
♪ KEEP YOUR HEAD UP ♪
♪ THAT'S RIGHT ♪
♪ WHENEVER THIS
LIFE GETS TOUGH ♪
♪ YOU GOT TO FIGHT WITH ♪
♪ MY HOMEGIRL
STANDING TO MY LEFT ♪
♪ AND MY RIGHT ♪
♪ TRUE BLUE, IT'S
TIGHT LIKE GLUE ♪
♪ CHECK, CHECK, CHECK IT OUT ♪
♪ CHECK, CHECK, CHECK IT OUT ♪
♪ WE ARE LIVING SINGLE. ♪
Captioning sponsored by FOX
BROADCASTING COMPANY
OBIE, TURN THAT OFF.
REVEREND TAYLOR'S GOING
TO BE HERE ANY MINUTE.
I DON'T WANT HIM
OFFENDED BY THIS VIOLENCE.
SYNCLAIRE, HE'S TAKING
THE SUBWAY OVER.
IF HE MAKES IT HERE IN ONE
PIECE I'M SURE HE'LL BE RELIEVED
TO SEE CHARLES
BRONSON'S ANGELIC FACE.
REVEREND TAYLOR, COME ON IN.
WELL, I COULDN'T
BE MORE BLESSED.
MY FAVORITE COUPLE'S
JUMPING THE BROOM
AND NOBODY EXPOSED
THEMSELVES ON THE SUBWAY.
WELL, THANK YOU, REVEREND
AND WE'RE REALLY HONORED
THAT YOU AGREED TO
PERFORM THE CEREMONY.
WELL, AS MOSES SAID
TO THE BURNING BUSH
"IT'S GOING TO BE HOT!"
YOU SEE? YES.
I'M GOING TO HAVE A SEAT.
WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THE
WEDDING DATE AND THE VOWS
AND, OF COURSE, THE EXAM.
OH, EXAM... WELL, UH...
I JUST HAD A PHYSICAL.
MM‐MM. AND THE DOCTOR SAID
THAT HE'S NEVER SEEN ANYONE
AT MY FITNESS LEVEL
MORE FIT THAN I AM.
NO, SYNCLAIRE.
I'M TALKING ABOUT THE
WRITTEN COMPATIBILITY TEST.
OH, COME ON, REVEREND.
YOU KNOW THAT SYNCLAIRE AND I
ARE MORE COMPATIBLE THAN
CORN DOGS AND COOL WHIP.
IT MAKES A NICE
LITTLE PICK‐ME‐UP.
WELL, YOU SEE, SON,
IT'S NOT UP TO ME.
THE CHURCH REQUIRES THAT
ALL COUPLES PASS THIS TEST
BEFORE I'M ALLOWED
TO MARRY THEM.
WELL, I'M SURE
WE'LL PASS THE TEST
JUST LIKE YOU AND
MRS. TAYLOR DID.
WELL, THIS EXAM WASN'T
AROUND WHEN WE GOT MARRIED.
WE HAD A MUCH
MORE DIFFICULT TEST.
OH, WHAT WAS THAT?
WELL, SYNCLAIRE...
ME AND THE MISSUS MET IN 1978.
YOU SEE, SHE DUG BARRY WHITE
AND I GROOVED TO BARRY GIBB.
YEAH.
DIDN'T EVER THINK THAT
WE'D SEE EYE TO EYE.
THEN CAME SALVATION‐‐
THE WALKMAN... AND HIS
AND HER HEADPHONES.
I TELL YOU, THE LORD
AND THE JAPANESE
WORK IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS.
WELL, WELL... ALL RIGHT, GREAT.
HERE'S THE DEAL.
THE WAITER'S NAME
IS TIM MATTHEWS.
LAST TWO YEARS,
HE'S DATED FIVE WOMEN
AND THERE IS NO HISTORY OF
MENTAL ILLNESS IN HIS FAMILY.
WELL, HONEY, THERE
GO YOUR CHANCES.
YOU ARE BUGGIN'. HE'S
NOT EVEN YOUR TYPE.
WHO SAID THIS IS ABOUT HIM?
MAXINE SHAW DOES
NOT ACCEPT DEFEAT‐‐
NOT IN THE COURTROOM AND
CERTAINLY NOT IN A BARROOM.
TO ME, REJECTION
IS ABOUT AS NATURAL
AS THAT THING ON REGINE'S HEAD.
JUST BECAUSE I DIDN'T GROW IT
DOESN'T MAKE IT
ANY LESS NATURAL.
SYNCLAIRE, YOU ALL RIGHT?
YOU USED OUR SPECIAL
EMERGENCY PAGE.
I THOUGHT WE WERE
ONLY USING THAT
IN CASE OF NUCLEAR ATTACK
OR IF YOU GOT YOUR HEAD
STUCK IN THE BANISTER AGAIN.
WE HAVE TO STUDY FOR
REVEREND TAYLOR'S TEST.
I BORROWED ALL REGINE'S
RELATIONSHIP BOOKS. COME ON.
SYNCLAIRE, IT'S NOT THE
KIND OF TEST YOU STUDY FOR.
THEN WHY IS THERE A
SAMPLE TEST IN HERE?
LOOK AT THIS‐‐
QUESTION NUMBER ONE:
WE'RE EMBROILED
IN A HEATED DEBATE
OVER A DEEP PHILOSOPHICAL ISSUE.
WHAT DO WE DO?
GO.
AGREE THAT THE FIRST
LIONEL JEFFERSON
WAS THE BEST AND PRESS ON.
AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED
THERE ARE ONLY THREE
COMPATIBILITY QUESTIONS
THAT TRULY MATTER.
DO YOU LOVE REGINE?
WOULD YOU DIE FOR REGINE?
IF YOU DID DIE
WOULD REGINE BE TAKEN
CARE OF FINANCIALLY?
AND WOULD SHE RECEIVE
PSYCHOTHERAPY...
TO KEEP HER FROM
TALKING TO MANNEQUINS?
COME ON, SYNCLAIRE.
THIS TEST IS A GIMME.
OUR RELATIONSHIP IS AS SMOOTH
AS GRANDPA JONES' MOONSHINE.
UH, SMOOTHER, ACTUALLY.
YOU NEVER MADE ME COUGH.
WELL, I THINK WE SHOULD STUDY.
RIGHT, KHADIJAH?
I DON'T KNOW.
I'M STILL WORKING ON THAT
LIONEL JEFFERSON THING.
THE SECOND ONE COULDN'T ACT
BUT THE FIRST ONE
HAD THAT FUNKY 'FRO.
ALL RIGHT, OBIE,
TIME FOR CHAPTER 27.
"THE HONEYMOON'S OVER,
THE SCRATCHING BEGINS."
COME ON, SYNCLAIRE.
WE'VE BEEN AT THIS FOR TWO DAYS.
YESTERDAY I SPENT THREE
HOURS BEING QUIZZED
ON THE FATHER'S ROLE IN
BREAST‐FEEDING IN PUBLIC.
I MEAN, AT THIS POINT, I'M
A LITTLE HUNGRY MYSELF.
LET'S TAKE A BREAK, OKAY?
YES, YES, MY DARLING.
HI, PEOPLE.
MAX, I THOUGHT YOU
WERE GOING TO EAT WITH US
BUT BY THE LOOKS OF THAT DRESS
YOU'RE JUST GOING
TO PICK SOMETHING UP.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
ALL RIGHT.
MAX...
YOU REALLY THINK
THAT GUY'S WORTH YOUR
"PEEL ME LIKE A BANANA" DRESS?
THERE'S AN OLD SAYING:
"TANTALIZING IS THE TAPEWORM
THAT SCORNS THE BELLY."
MAX ONLY WANTS HIM
BECAUSE SHE CAN'T HAVE HIM.
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.
TIM IS A MAN ON HIS WAY UP.
AS SOON AS THE FRY
COOK DIES, HE'S THE MAN.
HELLO, TIM.
OH, HI.
UH... UH... MAX. MAX. MAX. MAX.
RIGHT.
MAX.
UH, WHAT CAN I GET FOR YOU?
OKAY, I WILL HAVE A CHEESEBURGER
AND YOUR PHONE NUMBER.
OKAY, WE GOT ONE CHEESEBURGER...
AND ONE NO CHANCE.
HEY, LOOK, COME ON.
LET'S CUT TO THE
CHASE ALL RIGHT?
I'M A LAWYER, I LOOK LIKE THIS
I'M AVAILABLE.
DO THE RIGHT THING, MAN.
NO OFFENSE, BUT
YOU'RE JUST A LITTLE BIT
TOO AGGRESSIVE FOR ME.
TOO AGGRESSIVE?
YEAH.
WELL, I CAN BE VERY LAID BACK
UH, VERY CASUAL.
LET'S GO DANCING.
I'LL LET YOU LEAD.
SURE. I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
YOU CAN WATCH ME...
DO "THE RUNNING MAN."
NOW HOMER WILL SCRAPE
GUM FROM UNDER A TABLE
BUT HE WON'T GO OUT WITH YOU.
I LIKE HIM.
OH, CHECK THIS OUT.
THEY GOT RELIGIOUS
ARCHIE COMICS NOW...
AND JUGHEAD'S PASSING
OUT THE COMMUNION
AND I'LL BE DAMNED...
I'LL BE DAMNED IF BIG ETHYL.
AIN'T LEADING THE CHOIR.
OH, HELLO, MRS. TAYLOR.
HELLO, DEAR.
MY HUSBAND ASKED ME TO TELL YOU
IT'S GOING TO BE A
FEW MORE MOMENTS.
HE'S BAPTIZING QUINTUPLETS
AND RAN OUT OF WATER.
OOH, ARCHIE.
ISN'T IT INSPIRING HOW MOOSE
FINDS THE MISSING
COLLECTION BASKETS?
EH, WHAT'S A COMIC
BOOK WITHOUT SUSPENSE?
YOU SHOULD BE STUDYING ANYWAY.
SYNCLAIRE, MY BRAIN IS FULL.
NOW I KNOW HOW TO HANDLE
YOUR MENOPAUSE, MY MENOPAUSE
AND HOW TO KEEP
THE PILLOW TALK ALIVE
IF WE BOTH GET
STRUCK DEAF OR DUMB.
BUT, OBIE, WHAT IF
THERE'S A HIDDEN FLAW
IN OUR RELATIONSHIP?
SYNCLAIRE, IF I'M
UNDERSTANDING YOU CORRECTLY‐‐
WHICH IS NEVER A GIVEN‐‐
UM... YOU'RE HAVING
DOUBTS ABOUT US?
MAYBE I'D BE MORE CONFIDENT
IF YOU TOOK THIS TEST
AS SERIOUSLY AS I DO.
WELL, MAYBE IF YOU HAD
MORE FAITH IN OUR RELATIONSHIP
YOU WOULDN'T TAKE
THIS TEST SO SERIOUSLY.
AHH, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE RIGHT.
YOU KNOW, WHY DON'T YOU GO BACK
TO READING YOUR COMIC BOOK
AND FIND OUT IF BETTY
GETS MARRIED TO PIGPEN.
PIGPEN'S A "PEANUT"...
NOT AN ARCHIE.
WELL, IF THERE'S A
SECTION ON THIS TEST
CALLED "WHO GIVES A RAT'S BUTT?"
I'M SURE WE'LL PASS
WITH FLYING COLORS.
YOU WANT TO GO THERE, HUH?
OH... I'M ALREADY THERE, JUST
HOPING YOU WON'T SHOW UP.
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.
LET ME TELL YOU...
WELL, WELL, WELL.
HOW'S THE HAPPY COUPLE?
READY TO TAKE THE TEST?
YES. VERY READY.
YEP, I'M TWICE AS
READY AS SHE IS.
COME ON. LET'S GO.
"THE COUPLE'S
CUMULATIVE TOTAL OF .008
"WAS THE LOWEST RECORDED SCORE
SINCE THE INCEPTION
OF THE EXAM."
I‐I‐I CAN'T EVEN FATHOM THIS.
I MEAN, YOU TWO PRACTICALLY
HAVE THE SAME MIND.
SYNCLAIRE, JUST YESTERDAY
YOU DIDN'T KNOW IF YOU WERE
HUNGRY FOR CHINESE OR ITALIAN
AND OVERTON WALKS IN
TALKING ABOUT RESERVATIONS
AT KUNG PAO CORLEONE'S.
WAIT, WAIT, LET'S JUST
SURVEY THE DATA, SHALL WE?
NOW, THE FIRST QUESTION WAS
"IF YOU FOUND OUT
"YOUR SPOUSE WAS
HAVING AN AFFAIR
WHAT WOULD YOU DO?"
SYNCLAIRE ANSWERED
"HOPE HE WOULDN'T RUSH HOME
AS TO NOT INTERRUPT MY
TIME WITH THE GARDENER."
DOH...
OVERTON'S ANSWER WAS
"VIDEOTAPE IT AND SUE
HER CHEATING BUTT."
OBIE, THE ONLY WAY
I'D HAVE AN AFFAIR
WITH THE GARDENER
IS IF YOU WERE THE GARDENER
AND YOU WERE MARRIED
TO SOMEONE ELSE.
AND IF I WAS THE GARDENER
I'D DIVORCE MY WIFE
AND MAKE AN HONEST WOMAN OF YOU.
I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY, TOO, OKAY?
WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO
ABOUT REVEREND TAYLOR?
DON'T LOSE HOPE, BABY.
HE'LL LET US TAKE
THE EXAM AGAIN.
ALL WE GOT TO DO IS
EXPLAIN THE CIRCUMSTANCES.
I DON'T KNOW, OVERTON.
I DON'T EVEN THINK A MAN OF GOD
COULD FORGIVE YOUR
ANSWER TO NUMBER 14.
OH, SNAP, WE REALLY
ARE COMPATIBLE.
I SAID, "BURN DOWN YOUR HOUSE
AND BLOW UP YOUR CAR" TOO.
HEY, GIRL, LOOK WHO'S
CHECKING OUT A BOOK
FROM MY SELF‐HELP SECTION.
"WHERE'S WALDO AND
WHY CAN'T HE COMMIT?"
MAX, THOSE BOOKS ARE
FOR DYSFUNCTIONAL LOSERS.
N‐NO OFFENSE, REGINE.
ALL RIGHT!
THIS WHOLE THING
WITH THE WAITER TIM
IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!
I MEAN... GOSH, I MEAN
WHERE'S HE GET OFF
CALLING ME AGGRESSIVE?
HE'S LUCKY I DIDN'T
THROW HIM IN A HEADLOCK.
YOU KNOW, MAX, AS MUCH
AS I ENJOY SEEING YOU IN PAIN
IT IS STARTING TO BORE
ME, SO I'M ABOUT TO GIVE YOU
REGINE'S SUREFIRE
HOOK‐UP STRATEGY.
WELL, I MUST BE DESPERATE
'CAUSE I'M ABOUT
TO LISTEN TO YOU.
YOU SEE, LADIES, THERE
ARE TWO TYPES OF MEN.
THE FIRST TYPE WANTS
YOU TO TAKE CHARGE.
THEY ARE SO AFRAID OF REJECTION
THAT THEY WAIT UNTIL
YOU MAKE THE EFFORT.
YEAH, YEAH, THE WIMPS
AND THE LOSERS‐‐ GO ON.
THE SECOND TYPE ARE HUNTERS.
THEY ARE IN IT FOR
THE CHALLENGE.
JERKS AND THE MORONS ARE.
IF YOU PURSUE A HUNTER
THE CHASE IS OVER.
YOU ASKING FOR
TIM'S PHONE NUMBER
IS LIKE A DEER WALKING
UP TO A HUNTER
AND NIBBLING ON THE
BARREL OF HIS RIFLE.
REGINE, I DON'T THINK
YOUR TIGER BEAT WISDOM
IS GOING TO HELP MAX.
SHE AND THE WAITER TIM ARE
NOT MEANT FOR EACH OTHER.
SHUT UP, KHADIJAH.
GO AHEAD, REGINE.
YOU HAVE GOT TO
LET THE WAITER TIM
SEE THE RESERVED, SENSITIVE,
FEMININE SIDE OF YOU.
SHE MEANS IF YOU BELCH,
DON'T IDENTIFY THE SMELL.
I'M GOING TO GO DOWN
THERE RIGHT NOW
AND SHOW THAT JACKASS
JUST HOW SENSITIVE I CAN BE.
COME ON, REGINE, LET'S GO.
MAXINE, WHEN YOU CLIMB UP THE
MOUNTAIN TO TALK TO THE GURU
SHE DOES NOT CLIMB
BACK DOWN WITH YOU.
HERE HE COMES.
JUST WATCH MY SENSITIVE SIDE.
OKAY... OH, IT'S... YOU.
WHAT CAN I GET YOU?
MANY CHOICES, WAITER.
WHAT DO YOU RECOMMEND?
DID YOU FEEL THAT?
A WARM FEELING JUST
PASSED BETWEEN US.
IS IT ME? IS IT YOU?
COULD IT BE US?
LADY, DON'T MAKE ME MOVE
OUT OF NEW YORK, OKAY?
WELL, FOLKS
THOSE HOT WINGS ARE
REALLY STARTING TO KICK IN.
I'LL BE BACK IN ABOUT FIVE.
MAX, NOW LISTEN... I
CONSIDER US TO BE FAM.
SO I FEEL AS THOUGH
I CAN TELL YOU THAT
YOU'RE MAKING A COMPLETE
ASS OUT OF YOURSELF.
NOW, COME ON, LET'S
GET OUT OF HERE, PLEASE?
YEAH, YEAH
KHADIJAH, MAYBE
YOU SHOULD LEAVE.
THIS AIN'T GOING TO BE PRETTY.
WHA...?
♪ WHEN I WAS YOUNG ♪
♪ I NEVER NEEDED ANYONE ♪
♪ AND MAKING LOVE WAS JUST ♪
♪ FOR FUN ♪
♪ I GUESS THOSE DAYS ARE GONE ♪
♪ ALL BY MYSE‐E‐ELF ♪
♪ DON'T WANT TO BE ♪
♪ ALL BY MYSELF ♪
♪ ANYMORE ♪
NO!
♪ ALL BY MYSE‐E‐ELF ♪
I DON'T WANT TO LIVE...
♪ ALL BY MYSELF ♪
♪ ANYMORE. ♪
NOW, THAT WAS PRETTY FUNNY.
LOOK... IF I GAVE YOU MY NUMBER
IS THERE ANY CHANCE
YOU'D GIVE ME A CALL?
OKAY.
I'LL CALL YOU.
THAT'S MORE LIKE IT.
NOW, BLOW IT OUT YOUR BUS BOX.
I DON'T GO FOR DESPERATE MEN.
COME ON, KHADIJAH.
LET'S GET UP ON OUT OF HERE.
HELLO, REVEREND.
I‐I'M SORRY WE'RE EARLY.
WE WERE REALLY
ANXIOUS TO TALK TO YOU.
OH, DON'T YOU FRET, SYNCLAIRE.
I DON'T THINK SATAN
COULD HAVE TAKEN TOO MUCH MORE.
WHOA‐HO‐HO‐HO‐HO!
UH, UH, REVEREND ABOUT THE EXAM.
I KNOW WE DIDN'T EXACTLY
IMPRESS THE CHURCH
WITH OUR STORY.
"IMPRESS THE CHURCH"?
SON, YOU SIGNED YOUR NAME
OVERTON "BETTER
DEAD THAN WED" JONES.
WELL, SIR, THERE'S A
PERFECTLY GOOD REASON
FOR OVERTON'S
NOT‐SO‐FUNNY NOM DE PLUME.
LET ME HAZARD A GUESS.
YOU TWO HAD A SPAT
BEFORE THE EXAM
AND THEN TURNED ON EACH
OTHER LIKE CAIN TURNED ON ABEL.
I KNEW YOU'D UNDERSTAND.
SO, IF YOU JUST LET US
TAKE THE EXAM AGAIN
BEFORE YOU KNOW IT,
WE'LL ALL BE DODGING RICE.
OVERTON, SYNCLAIRE, I'D
LOVE TO MARRY YOU TWO
BUT THE FACT IS I CAN'T.
YOU SEE, THE BISHOP,
WELL, HE'S, UH...
A REAL STICKLER ON
CHURCH POLICY, YOU SEE
AND BESIDES, HE HOLDS
THE MORTGAGE ON OUR HOME.
SYNCLAIRE'S COUNTING
ON YOU MARRYING US
AND IF IT'S IMPORTANT TO
HER, THEN IT'S IMPORTANT TO ME.
I‐I'D LIKE TO HELP YOU, SON,
BUT MY HANDS ARE TIED. I...
OH! THERE ARE OUR TWO LOVEBIRDS.
NOW, YOU BE SURE AND GET
ME THAT ORGAN MUSIC EARLY.
I DON'T MEAN TO BRAG,
BUT I CAN POUND OUT
A PRETTY ROUSING VERSION
OF "BOOGIE OOGIE OOGIE."
UH, HOW'S YOUR
VERSION OF "TAPS"?
WHAT?
THE REVEREND CAN'T MARRY US
BECAUSE WE FAILED
THE COMPATIBILITY TEST.
YOU TWO FAILED?
NOW, THIS JUST PROVES
WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING
ALL ALONG, LESLIE.
THAT TEST IS A CROCK.
YOU KNOW THE BISHOP
IS A FERVENT BELIEVER
IN THAT THERE TEST.
WELL, I'M NOT
LISTENING TO THE BISHOP
TILL HE FIXES OUR TOILET.
CAN'T THEY TAKE IT AGAIN?
NOBODY WILL KNOW.
I WON'T SAY BOO.
LOOK, DON'T YOU TELL
ME HOW TO DO MY JOB.
I DON'T TELL YOU HOW TO PLAY
THAT RAGGEDY ORGAN OF YOURS.
IT'S NOT HALF AS RAGGEDY
AS THAT COUCH YOU'LL
BE SLEEPING ON TONIGHT.
EXCUSE ME.
I DON'T WANT TO
SPEAK OUT OF TURN
BUT SEEMS TO ME IF YOU ALL
TOOK THAT TEST RIGHT NOW
I DON'T THINK YOU'D
MAKE THE HONOR ROLL.
POINT TAKEN.
HOWEVER, THE ARGUMENT
BETWEEN YOU TWO
DOES CONCERN ME.
THEN AGAIN, THE ARGUMENT
BETWEEN MY WIFE AND ME
CONCERNS ME A LITTLE MORE.
ANYONE WHO DOESN'T
BELIEVE IN HELL
HASN'T SLEPT ON THAT COUCH.
YOU AND THE MISSUS
STILL LOVE EACH
OTHER, DON'T YOU?
OH, I WAS JUST KIDDING
ABOUT THE COUCH.
YOU CAN SLEEP IN THE TUB.
ALL RIGHT.
IF YOU TWO WILL ENROLL
IN A LITTLE PREMARITAL
COUNSELING
WELL, UH, I'LL FIND A WAY
TO LET YOU RETAKE THE TEST.
Synclaire: OH, REALLY?
IT IS FREE, RIGHT?
OH, ABSOLUTELY FREE.
YOU CAN'T BEAT THAT
WITH A HOLY STICK.
Synclaire: AMEN.
OH, OBIE, I'M SO HAPPY.
THEY REMIND YOU OF US
WHEN WE WERE STARTING OUT.
FULL OF LIFE.
YOU'D BETTER BELIEVE IT.
READY TO GRAB THE
WORLD BY THE TAIL.
AND NOT GIVE IN TO THE
PLEASURES OF THE FLESH
UNTIL THAT MAGICAL
WEDDING NIGHT.
OH, WILL YOU LOOK AT THE TIME?
WE'VE REALLY GOT TO GO.
WE'LL SEE YOU.
WOO‐HOO!