Living Single (1993–1998): Season 4, Episode 22 - Too Good to Screw - full transcript
Pizza, pizza.
Guess what I got for
Synclaire's bachelorette party.
"'The Men Chippendales
Doesn't Want You To Know About.'
featuring Cappachino‐‐"
‐ And Nature Boy!
Yes!" ‐ "And Nature Boy!"
Best thing, it's in 3D.
We can't let Synclaire see
this unless we check it out first.
To make sure that
it's not too nasty.
Yes. Come on, girl.
Hey, Khadijah, um,
you got those linens
that you said I could
borrow for my little brother.
Oh, dear God, she's
nesting on them.
‐ Well, if you'll‐‐ ‐ Oh, okay.
If, uh, you'll excuse me, I
have to call the Crestmark Club
to make sure everything is
cool for Overton's bachelor party.
The Crestmark Club? Hold up,
I thought Overton and Synclaire
wanted to keep
their party simple.
Baby, what could be simpler
than 15 people catering
to Overton's every whim?
Sixteen including
the butter carver. Oho!
That is so you.
You're‐you're planning a party
where a guy is carving butter.
Overton wants a party where
women are covered in butter.
Look, this is an important
rite of passage for Overton
and I just want him
to know that he chose
the best man to be
his best man, alright?
Man, look, as the maid of honor
I gotta come up with
something more elaborate.
Something more memorable.
Something more better.
You want more better?
Just wait till Nature Boy jumps
off the screen into your lap.
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ Ooh and in a
'90s kind of world ♪
♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪
♪ Oh keep your head up what?
Keep your head up that's right ♪
♪ Whenever this life get
tough you gotta fight ♪
♪ With my homegirls standing
to my left and my right ♪
♪ True blue it's
tight like glue ♪
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Check check check it out ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ Haaa ♪
‐ Okay. ‐ Hey, hey.
Oh, hey, Kyle, uh,
that was Crestmark club
calling to see what kind of
hors d'oeuvres we wanted.
When I told them beef jerky,
hell, they hung up on me.
Damn, Overton, man,
the Crestmark club
was supposed to be a surprise.
Oh, don't worry, Shorty,
when I walk through the door
I'll still act surprised.
Check out my surprised face.
Unh‐unh, unh‐unh, unh, no.
When Damon gets here,
I don't want this apartment
to smell like a hamper
at the YMCA, man.
Hey, he's not the Barker
that used to spray
Lysol in his pencil case.
Exactly, he is the lost Barker
and I'm hoping to get
through to him on this trip.
You know, kind of nudge him
in the right direction career‐wise.
I think you're being a
little hard on the brother.
I mean, he already
got a steady job.
Overton, doing books at
a flower shop? Come on.
He graduated summa cum laude.
Clearly, he is capable of
doing more than pricing posies.
My Uncle Tibby always say.
"You can show a man
where the bathroom is
but you can't make him tinkle."
O‐Overton, could
you de‐countryfy
that for me, please?
Kyle, look, sometimes
all that pushing
can push your brother away.
Yeah, well, if I can
push him into a better job
it'll be worth it, man.
‐ There he is. ‐ Okay.
Hey, Kyle. Hi.
Oh, yeah. Hey, Damon.
Uh, it's good to,
good to see you, man.
Thanks, man. Obie!
‐ What's up, man? ‐
What's up, man? Look at you.
Hey, man, that's a big
duffel bag for three days.
Oh, well, actually, you
know, when I leave New York
I'm going to Africa.
‐ Africa? ‐ Yeah.
Oh, man I wish I could go.
So how long you're
staying in the motherland?
I don't know. A month? A year?
Listen, as long as I got
socks and mosquito repellent
I'm there.
Yeah, but what about
your job at the flower shop?
Oh, I quit.
‐ Oh, here you go.
‐ Thanks, brother.
You quit?
You just quit, you
just up and quit.
Kyle, I'll get a job
when I get back.
Yeah, that's right, Kyle.
He'll get a job
when he get back.
That's right.
Uh, could‐could‐could
you like excuse yourself
out of this
conversation, please?
Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I
was being a little too pushy.
Guess I'll just
kind of push on out.
Keep on pushing.
Max, I don't know if Synclaire's
gonna wanna go to a strip joint.
Beef Cake Billy's
is not a strip joint.
It's an exclusive
entertainment bistro.
And they got a half off coupon.
Might be fun to find out
which half is coming off.
Hubba, hubba.
Hey, what's that?
Planning a bachelorette party?
Yeah, it's a lot of
work. You wanna help?
Oh, no, no, I just thank God
that you guys aren't planning me
some tacky party at one
of those skanky strip clubs.
‐ It's not skanky.
‐ Shh, shut up.
Man, what to do? What to do?
I mean, what is a
bachelorette party anyway?
‐ But a last booty call. ‐ Mm.
I don't know, but we
need to get somebody else
to do this grunt work.
Someone like busy body mongrel.
Hello.
Hey, Regine, hey, girl.
Hey, Regine, come
here, sit down, sit down.
No, no, no, my lap,
my lap. No, okay.
Oh! Stop, stop. I
know what this is about.
You all are having trouble
planning Synclaire's party
and now you're
crawling to fabulous me.
‐ Okay, damn it. Help.
‐ Sorry, I'm booked.
Booked?
I happen to be planning
a little thing called Obie
and Synclaire's wedding.
Smooches.
You know who throws
a hell of a party?
My girl Ava from high school.
Oh, yeah, she threw that great.
He‐cheated‐on‐me
so‐I‐told‐him‐to‐beat‐it party
where we threw all of her
ex's stuff into the East River.
‐ That's right. ‐ Yeah.
And see, Regine
is still jealous of her
because she beat her
out for homecoming queen.
Oh, God, why didn't we
call her yesterday? Look.
Tryin' to read while you eat.
Tell you what?
This bad boy hold your
corn right down the cob.
Wow, that's brilliant.
‐ What's that? ‐
The butter gutter.
Wow.
‐ Hey, hey. ‐ 'Kyle.'
Damon, check it out.
I got this for your
interview with my boss.
‐ Ah, thank you,
brother. ‐ Yeah.
Wow, $200 tie.
No, no, no, my bad.
That one's mine.
This one's yours.
And, Overton, something for
your wedding to distinguish you
from the brothers
with the clip‐ons.
How the hell does
this become a tie?
'Leave that to your best man.'
Hey, uh, Kyle, listen, I'm gonna
have to pass on that meeting
with your boss tomorrow.
Come again.
Well, I've thought about it
and I've decided when I
get back from my pilgrimage.
Im'ma be a handyman.
Well, alright, now you don't
need a tie for that, do you?
You're‐you're‐you're
kidding, right?
No, no, no, Kyle.
A handyman helps real
people with real problems.
N‐no brother of mine is going to
swing a hammer
for a living, Damon.
Hold up your horse.
You're saying that a tool belt
is good enough for a Jones
but it's not good
enough for a Barker?
No, Overton, come
on, this is between
me and my brother, alright.
No, no, no look here.
When you insult my hammer,
damn it, you insult me.
Mr. Fancy Pants.
Well, you wouldn't
be in the line of fire
if you would keep your nose
out of my family business.
And looky here,
your family business
wouldn't be so messed up
if you weren't such a snob.
The way I'm looking at it, you
probably think you're too good
to be a handyman's
best man, huh?
So are you
withdrawing the offer?
Yeah, I‐I think I am.
Fine. See if you can figure
out how to tie that on your own.
You know, he's
just your brother.
I have to live with him.
Don't forget these
adult lollipops.
Damn, that's a lot of detail.
‐ Ah! ‐ Hi.
Rise and shine, it's party time.
What's up, mamita?
Ooh, you looking good, honey.
Well, you know, I
can't lose what I use.
‐ 36‐24‐36, aww.
‐ 36‐24‐36, aww.
Ooh, Maxine.
I haven't seen you since
you torched my ex's Harley
and rolled it off the pier.
That was so sweet.
Let me tell you.
What I have planned
for Synclaire's party
is gonna make that look like
visitor's day at the rest home.
Ooh, this is nice. IKEA, right?
So are you ready for the magic?
Come on, come on, come
on, man. Come on, come on.
What about Madonna's
penthouse for free?
Madonna who?
Not the Virgin Mary.
Is she cool with having
us party at her house?
Sure, sure, we go way back.
She was gonna call
her song "Cosmo."
I said no, mama,
call it "Vogue."
Ah. Whoo!
Ava, no, you're not
all up in my house.
Hey, chica, that's
a good‐looking wig.
Regine, she's helping
us plan Synclaire's party.
No, you're not letting
this crown‐stealing heifer
plan that girl's party.
Poor Regisita.
Still bitter about me
winning homecoming queen.
This is so high school.
You only won because
you stuffed the ballot box
among other things.
Oh, no, lady.
This is all me just like
those hips are all you.
Ladies, ladies!
Ladies, ladies!
So, uh, where you're
holding the gala, Ava, huh?
Your boyfriend's cell
block up at Rikers?
Can I tell her?
Oh, no. No, no,
no. This one is mine.
Madonna's penthouse.
Madonna who?
Not the Virgin Mary, honey.
Can I sleep with you?
Regine, this is so sudden.
I mean, I can't sleep downstairs
with those
back‐stabbing wenches.
Man, Khadijah
asked my arch enemy
this bargain
basement Rosy Perez.
She asked her to
coordinate Synclaire's party.
Regine, that pales in
comparison to my situation.
Look, I was just trying to
help my brother out, right?
And through some
bizarre chain of events
I am no longer
Overton's best man.
Okay, so if I'm gonna stay here,
I've gotta provide a shoulder.
Cry.
Regine, can I ask you
something and you can be totally..
Be totally honest. Look,
have you ever considered me
in the least bit,
you know, pushy?
Yep.
Kyle, now you know
that you are always trying
to mold everybody
into your image.
When you were in the
Big Brother program, right
you refused to take the
little boy to Chucky Cheese
but you were forever dragging
him down to Wall Street.
Look, what is childhood without
the stock exchange? Come on.
And wait a minute,
my petite princess
you're pretty pushy yourself.
I am proud of being pushy.
But, you know, I don't
think that's the right word
for what we are.
‐ Hmm. ‐ Hmm.
Perhaps we're visionaries.
Yeah, like, oh, like,
like Coco Chanel.
‐ Or, umm, Gianni
Versace. ‐ Yeah.
Or Lin Tang Pao.
‐ Who? ‐ The mother
of synthetic hair.
Hello, sibling.
Damon, Damon, wait up,
wait a minute, come here.
We‐we need to talk. Have a seat.
Now, look, while I cannot
fathom what motivates you
to make the choices you make
I've decided to let you
make them without interfering.
Well, thanks, Kyle.
And I'll do my best
to accept you too.
Well, it is not hard
to accept perfection.
‐ Perfection? ‐ Yeah.
You mean working
80 hours a week?
Never stopping to enjoy life?
When are you gonna stop shopping
at the window to
Africa and just go?
Look, I'll get there someday.
Yeah, but, Kyle,
I'm going there now
and I've barely worked
80 hours this year.
And you are just brimming
with pride, aren't you?
Hey, man, at least
I'll be waking up
to the sunrise at the Serengeti.
By the way, uh, who have
you been waking up to lately?
When was the last time you
were in a good relationship?
As a matter of fact, I
am in one right now.
Oh, yeah. With whom?
I can't tell you. It's a secret
affair with somebody I hate.
Listen, Kyle, all
I'm saying is that
different things make us happy.
And I can't believe
you're seeing Max again.
Shh.
Look, now if you don't
sweat me about seeing Max
I won't sweat you about
wanting to be a handyman.
Ah, well, actually, you know
the handyman
thing is not definite.
Thank you, Jesus.
But I've always wondered
what it would be like to be
a game warden in Kenya.
Bro, I think you left
your chest home.
Here, go get something to eat.
Hey, looky, look at me.
I'm a virgin.
I brought freak
wears for everyone.
Hey, this is not Madonna's
bachelorette party.
I thought this was about me.
Oh, my homecoming
court has arrived.
Oh, yes, just like the old days.
Except you're not under
the bleachers with the judges.
Oh, hey, we're looking
at women's underwear.
Ooh, now that's a party.
Thankfully I brought
something a lot more active
'and a lot less boring.'
How about a game of pin
the tail on the ex‐boyfriend?
Oh, snap, it's Moony!
Who the hell's Moony, man?
My first boyfriend.
He introduced me to
French kissing and curly fries.
At the same time.
Oh, Regine, you must have
gone through so much trouble
to find this, thank you.
Oh, honey, well, when you care
you personalize.
Well, like this
personalized cake.
Mira que nice? Look at this.
Yes! Mm‐hmm. That's a nice cake.
Too bad it ain't
the girl's favorite.
Like this double
fudge chocolate cake
with chocolate
cream cheese frosting.
And what's this on
top? I think it's a troll.
Mira que nice, I
cutting this now.
Wait, honey, wait a minute now.
We've got to record this moment.
Ladies, cameras.
After all, our future starlet
should be surrounded
with paparazzi.
Oh!
Love me, you love me.
Regine, you're the most petty
vengeful person I've ever met!
But if it weren't for you.
Synclaire would not be having
the time of her life right now.
Yes, well, some
call me a visionary.
Well, now visionary would
have brought me some beer.
Booya.
Oh, but wait, it's Madonna.
And she's got the
rug rat with her.
Oh‐oh, we get to meet Madonna.
Time for a tour of
the service elevator.
Everybody, out! Bafuera,
chicas. Out! Out! Out!
Hold up, I thought you said you
and Madonna were friends though.
Yeah, well, she's a friend
of a soon‐to‐be ex‐friend
who was housesitting.
That's the story, now get.
I could have planned a
party where we get thrown out.
Hey, Lumpy, I was expecting
one of your snooty to‐do.
But this party is swinging.
You got the booty butt‐naked
girls showing up later on?
You got the cleavin' crew?
I just hope they don't get
two of them tear up the place.
That's him, that's
him, that's him.
Surprise!
‐ Watch out there
now! ‐ Oh, Uncle Tibby.
‐ Hey! Hey! ‐ Hey,
how you doing?
Ah! Check this out, Lumpy
really went to town, didn't he?
Check out this
spread. Look it here.
We got hot wings, fried cheese
and three varieties of jerky.
Well, shorty, you covered
all the bases, didn't you?
But wait, there's more,
come here, come here.
Do you recognize this voice?
'Lefty losey, righty tighty.'
'Remember this
you'll be alrighty.'
Mr. Nocadochous, my
high school shop teacher.
I couldn't let my star pupil
get hitched without me.
Oh, Mr. Nocadochous,
35 years of shop teaching
and he hasn't lost one finger.
I almost lost baby
to a circular saw
but I sewed her back on myself.
Well, Kyle, it seems to
me anybody that can get.
Mr. Nocadochous
out of his tool shed
must be feeling,
uh, pretty sorry
for the stupid things he said.
Yeah, I am and you know,
I didn't mean to, you know
talk about your
calling, man, you know.
Hell, I'd be a handyman
myself if I didn't callous so easily.
Alright, I'm lying.
Come on, man.
Ah, well, I guess if
we were more alike
we probably wouldn't
get along so well, huh?
‐ Watchdog. ‐ Bow‐wow, best man.
Now that's what
I'm talking about.
Hey.
Hot damn, the
strippers are here.
We're not strippers.
Wait, wait, ladies,
ladies, ladies.
As lovely as you‐you are
um, this is a bachelor party.
No, no, wait, Kyle,
you cannot turn away
all these beautiful women.
I know that's right.
Because when the
music starts jammin'
I ain't dancing with Red Rash.
Yo, Overton, it's
your call, man.
Uh, well, alright,
let the party begin.
Woo‐hoo!
Guess what I got for
Synclaire's bachelorette party.
"'The Men Chippendales
Doesn't Want You To Know About.'
featuring Cappachino‐‐"
‐ And Nature Boy!
Yes!" ‐ "And Nature Boy!"
Best thing, it's in 3D.
We can't let Synclaire see
this unless we check it out first.
To make sure that
it's not too nasty.
Yes. Come on, girl.
Hey, Khadijah, um,
you got those linens
that you said I could
borrow for my little brother.
Oh, dear God, she's
nesting on them.
‐ Well, if you'll‐‐ ‐ Oh, okay.
If, uh, you'll excuse me, I
have to call the Crestmark Club
to make sure everything is
cool for Overton's bachelor party.
The Crestmark Club? Hold up,
I thought Overton and Synclaire
wanted to keep
their party simple.
Baby, what could be simpler
than 15 people catering
to Overton's every whim?
Sixteen including
the butter carver. Oho!
That is so you.
You're‐you're planning a party
where a guy is carving butter.
Overton wants a party where
women are covered in butter.
Look, this is an important
rite of passage for Overton
and I just want him
to know that he chose
the best man to be
his best man, alright?
Man, look, as the maid of honor
I gotta come up with
something more elaborate.
Something more memorable.
Something more better.
You want more better?
Just wait till Nature Boy jumps
off the screen into your lap.
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ Ooh and in a
'90s kind of world ♪
♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪
♪ Oh keep your head up what?
Keep your head up that's right ♪
♪ Whenever this life get
tough you gotta fight ♪
♪ With my homegirls standing
to my left and my right ♪
♪ True blue it's
tight like glue ♪
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Check check check it out ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ Haaa ♪
‐ Okay. ‐ Hey, hey.
Oh, hey, Kyle, uh,
that was Crestmark club
calling to see what kind of
hors d'oeuvres we wanted.
When I told them beef jerky,
hell, they hung up on me.
Damn, Overton, man,
the Crestmark club
was supposed to be a surprise.
Oh, don't worry, Shorty,
when I walk through the door
I'll still act surprised.
Check out my surprised face.
Unh‐unh, unh‐unh, unh, no.
When Damon gets here,
I don't want this apartment
to smell like a hamper
at the YMCA, man.
Hey, he's not the Barker
that used to spray
Lysol in his pencil case.
Exactly, he is the lost Barker
and I'm hoping to get
through to him on this trip.
You know, kind of nudge him
in the right direction career‐wise.
I think you're being a
little hard on the brother.
I mean, he already
got a steady job.
Overton, doing books at
a flower shop? Come on.
He graduated summa cum laude.
Clearly, he is capable of
doing more than pricing posies.
My Uncle Tibby always say.
"You can show a man
where the bathroom is
but you can't make him tinkle."
O‐Overton, could
you de‐countryfy
that for me, please?
Kyle, look, sometimes
all that pushing
can push your brother away.
Yeah, well, if I can
push him into a better job
it'll be worth it, man.
‐ There he is. ‐ Okay.
Hey, Kyle. Hi.
Oh, yeah. Hey, Damon.
Uh, it's good to,
good to see you, man.
Thanks, man. Obie!
‐ What's up, man? ‐
What's up, man? Look at you.
Hey, man, that's a big
duffel bag for three days.
Oh, well, actually, you
know, when I leave New York
I'm going to Africa.
‐ Africa? ‐ Yeah.
Oh, man I wish I could go.
So how long you're
staying in the motherland?
I don't know. A month? A year?
Listen, as long as I got
socks and mosquito repellent
I'm there.
Yeah, but what about
your job at the flower shop?
Oh, I quit.
‐ Oh, here you go.
‐ Thanks, brother.
You quit?
You just quit, you
just up and quit.
Kyle, I'll get a job
when I get back.
Yeah, that's right, Kyle.
He'll get a job
when he get back.
That's right.
Uh, could‐could‐could
you like excuse yourself
out of this
conversation, please?
Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I
was being a little too pushy.
Guess I'll just
kind of push on out.
Keep on pushing.
Max, I don't know if Synclaire's
gonna wanna go to a strip joint.
Beef Cake Billy's
is not a strip joint.
It's an exclusive
entertainment bistro.
And they got a half off coupon.
Might be fun to find out
which half is coming off.
Hubba, hubba.
Hey, what's that?
Planning a bachelorette party?
Yeah, it's a lot of
work. You wanna help?
Oh, no, no, I just thank God
that you guys aren't planning me
some tacky party at one
of those skanky strip clubs.
‐ It's not skanky.
‐ Shh, shut up.
Man, what to do? What to do?
I mean, what is a
bachelorette party anyway?
‐ But a last booty call. ‐ Mm.
I don't know, but we
need to get somebody else
to do this grunt work.
Someone like busy body mongrel.
Hello.
Hey, Regine, hey, girl.
Hey, Regine, come
here, sit down, sit down.
No, no, no, my lap,
my lap. No, okay.
Oh! Stop, stop. I
know what this is about.
You all are having trouble
planning Synclaire's party
and now you're
crawling to fabulous me.
‐ Okay, damn it. Help.
‐ Sorry, I'm booked.
Booked?
I happen to be planning
a little thing called Obie
and Synclaire's wedding.
Smooches.
You know who throws
a hell of a party?
My girl Ava from high school.
Oh, yeah, she threw that great.
He‐cheated‐on‐me
so‐I‐told‐him‐to‐beat‐it party
where we threw all of her
ex's stuff into the East River.
‐ That's right. ‐ Yeah.
And see, Regine
is still jealous of her
because she beat her
out for homecoming queen.
Oh, God, why didn't we
call her yesterday? Look.
Tryin' to read while you eat.
Tell you what?
This bad boy hold your
corn right down the cob.
Wow, that's brilliant.
‐ What's that? ‐
The butter gutter.
Wow.
‐ Hey, hey. ‐ 'Kyle.'
Damon, check it out.
I got this for your
interview with my boss.
‐ Ah, thank you,
brother. ‐ Yeah.
Wow, $200 tie.
No, no, no, my bad.
That one's mine.
This one's yours.
And, Overton, something for
your wedding to distinguish you
from the brothers
with the clip‐ons.
How the hell does
this become a tie?
'Leave that to your best man.'
Hey, uh, Kyle, listen, I'm gonna
have to pass on that meeting
with your boss tomorrow.
Come again.
Well, I've thought about it
and I've decided when I
get back from my pilgrimage.
Im'ma be a handyman.
Well, alright, now you don't
need a tie for that, do you?
You're‐you're‐you're
kidding, right?
No, no, no, Kyle.
A handyman helps real
people with real problems.
N‐no brother of mine is going to
swing a hammer
for a living, Damon.
Hold up your horse.
You're saying that a tool belt
is good enough for a Jones
but it's not good
enough for a Barker?
No, Overton, come
on, this is between
me and my brother, alright.
No, no, no look here.
When you insult my hammer,
damn it, you insult me.
Mr. Fancy Pants.
Well, you wouldn't
be in the line of fire
if you would keep your nose
out of my family business.
And looky here,
your family business
wouldn't be so messed up
if you weren't such a snob.
The way I'm looking at it, you
probably think you're too good
to be a handyman's
best man, huh?
So are you
withdrawing the offer?
Yeah, I‐I think I am.
Fine. See if you can figure
out how to tie that on your own.
You know, he's
just your brother.
I have to live with him.
Don't forget these
adult lollipops.
Damn, that's a lot of detail.
‐ Ah! ‐ Hi.
Rise and shine, it's party time.
What's up, mamita?
Ooh, you looking good, honey.
Well, you know, I
can't lose what I use.
‐ 36‐24‐36, aww.
‐ 36‐24‐36, aww.
Ooh, Maxine.
I haven't seen you since
you torched my ex's Harley
and rolled it off the pier.
That was so sweet.
Let me tell you.
What I have planned
for Synclaire's party
is gonna make that look like
visitor's day at the rest home.
Ooh, this is nice. IKEA, right?
So are you ready for the magic?
Come on, come on, come
on, man. Come on, come on.
What about Madonna's
penthouse for free?
Madonna who?
Not the Virgin Mary.
Is she cool with having
us party at her house?
Sure, sure, we go way back.
She was gonna call
her song "Cosmo."
I said no, mama,
call it "Vogue."
Ah. Whoo!
Ava, no, you're not
all up in my house.
Hey, chica, that's
a good‐looking wig.
Regine, she's helping
us plan Synclaire's party.
No, you're not letting
this crown‐stealing heifer
plan that girl's party.
Poor Regisita.
Still bitter about me
winning homecoming queen.
This is so high school.
You only won because
you stuffed the ballot box
among other things.
Oh, no, lady.
This is all me just like
those hips are all you.
Ladies, ladies!
Ladies, ladies!
So, uh, where you're
holding the gala, Ava, huh?
Your boyfriend's cell
block up at Rikers?
Can I tell her?
Oh, no. No, no,
no. This one is mine.
Madonna's penthouse.
Madonna who?
Not the Virgin Mary, honey.
Can I sleep with you?
Regine, this is so sudden.
I mean, I can't sleep downstairs
with those
back‐stabbing wenches.
Man, Khadijah
asked my arch enemy
this bargain
basement Rosy Perez.
She asked her to
coordinate Synclaire's party.
Regine, that pales in
comparison to my situation.
Look, I was just trying to
help my brother out, right?
And through some
bizarre chain of events
I am no longer
Overton's best man.
Okay, so if I'm gonna stay here,
I've gotta provide a shoulder.
Cry.
Regine, can I ask you
something and you can be totally..
Be totally honest. Look,
have you ever considered me
in the least bit,
you know, pushy?
Yep.
Kyle, now you know
that you are always trying
to mold everybody
into your image.
When you were in the
Big Brother program, right
you refused to take the
little boy to Chucky Cheese
but you were forever dragging
him down to Wall Street.
Look, what is childhood without
the stock exchange? Come on.
And wait a minute,
my petite princess
you're pretty pushy yourself.
I am proud of being pushy.
But, you know, I don't
think that's the right word
for what we are.
‐ Hmm. ‐ Hmm.
Perhaps we're visionaries.
Yeah, like, oh, like,
like Coco Chanel.
‐ Or, umm, Gianni
Versace. ‐ Yeah.
Or Lin Tang Pao.
‐ Who? ‐ The mother
of synthetic hair.
Hello, sibling.
Damon, Damon, wait up,
wait a minute, come here.
We‐we need to talk. Have a seat.
Now, look, while I cannot
fathom what motivates you
to make the choices you make
I've decided to let you
make them without interfering.
Well, thanks, Kyle.
And I'll do my best
to accept you too.
Well, it is not hard
to accept perfection.
‐ Perfection? ‐ Yeah.
You mean working
80 hours a week?
Never stopping to enjoy life?
When are you gonna stop shopping
at the window to
Africa and just go?
Look, I'll get there someday.
Yeah, but, Kyle,
I'm going there now
and I've barely worked
80 hours this year.
And you are just brimming
with pride, aren't you?
Hey, man, at least
I'll be waking up
to the sunrise at the Serengeti.
By the way, uh, who have
you been waking up to lately?
When was the last time you
were in a good relationship?
As a matter of fact, I
am in one right now.
Oh, yeah. With whom?
I can't tell you. It's a secret
affair with somebody I hate.
Listen, Kyle, all
I'm saying is that
different things make us happy.
And I can't believe
you're seeing Max again.
Shh.
Look, now if you don't
sweat me about seeing Max
I won't sweat you about
wanting to be a handyman.
Ah, well, actually, you know
the handyman
thing is not definite.
Thank you, Jesus.
But I've always wondered
what it would be like to be
a game warden in Kenya.
Bro, I think you left
your chest home.
Here, go get something to eat.
Hey, looky, look at me.
I'm a virgin.
I brought freak
wears for everyone.
Hey, this is not Madonna's
bachelorette party.
I thought this was about me.
Oh, my homecoming
court has arrived.
Oh, yes, just like the old days.
Except you're not under
the bleachers with the judges.
Oh, hey, we're looking
at women's underwear.
Ooh, now that's a party.
Thankfully I brought
something a lot more active
'and a lot less boring.'
How about a game of pin
the tail on the ex‐boyfriend?
Oh, snap, it's Moony!
Who the hell's Moony, man?
My first boyfriend.
He introduced me to
French kissing and curly fries.
At the same time.
Oh, Regine, you must have
gone through so much trouble
to find this, thank you.
Oh, honey, well, when you care
you personalize.
Well, like this
personalized cake.
Mira que nice? Look at this.
Yes! Mm‐hmm. That's a nice cake.
Too bad it ain't
the girl's favorite.
Like this double
fudge chocolate cake
with chocolate
cream cheese frosting.
And what's this on
top? I think it's a troll.
Mira que nice, I
cutting this now.
Wait, honey, wait a minute now.
We've got to record this moment.
Ladies, cameras.
After all, our future starlet
should be surrounded
with paparazzi.
Oh!
Love me, you love me.
Regine, you're the most petty
vengeful person I've ever met!
But if it weren't for you.
Synclaire would not be having
the time of her life right now.
Yes, well, some
call me a visionary.
Well, now visionary would
have brought me some beer.
Booya.
Oh, but wait, it's Madonna.
And she's got the
rug rat with her.
Oh‐oh, we get to meet Madonna.
Time for a tour of
the service elevator.
Everybody, out! Bafuera,
chicas. Out! Out! Out!
Hold up, I thought you said you
and Madonna were friends though.
Yeah, well, she's a friend
of a soon‐to‐be ex‐friend
who was housesitting.
That's the story, now get.
I could have planned a
party where we get thrown out.
Hey, Lumpy, I was expecting
one of your snooty to‐do.
But this party is swinging.
You got the booty butt‐naked
girls showing up later on?
You got the cleavin' crew?
I just hope they don't get
two of them tear up the place.
That's him, that's
him, that's him.
Surprise!
‐ Watch out there
now! ‐ Oh, Uncle Tibby.
‐ Hey! Hey! ‐ Hey,
how you doing?
Ah! Check this out, Lumpy
really went to town, didn't he?
Check out this
spread. Look it here.
We got hot wings, fried cheese
and three varieties of jerky.
Well, shorty, you covered
all the bases, didn't you?
But wait, there's more,
come here, come here.
Do you recognize this voice?
'Lefty losey, righty tighty.'
'Remember this
you'll be alrighty.'
Mr. Nocadochous, my
high school shop teacher.
I couldn't let my star pupil
get hitched without me.
Oh, Mr. Nocadochous,
35 years of shop teaching
and he hasn't lost one finger.
I almost lost baby
to a circular saw
but I sewed her back on myself.
Well, Kyle, it seems to
me anybody that can get.
Mr. Nocadochous
out of his tool shed
must be feeling,
uh, pretty sorry
for the stupid things he said.
Yeah, I am and you know,
I didn't mean to, you know
talk about your
calling, man, you know.
Hell, I'd be a handyman
myself if I didn't callous so easily.
Alright, I'm lying.
Come on, man.
Ah, well, I guess if
we were more alike
we probably wouldn't
get along so well, huh?
‐ Watchdog. ‐ Bow‐wow, best man.
Now that's what
I'm talking about.
Hey.
Hot damn, the
strippers are here.
We're not strippers.
Wait, wait, ladies,
ladies, ladies.
As lovely as you‐you are
um, this is a bachelor party.
No, no, wait, Kyle,
you cannot turn away
all these beautiful women.
I know that's right.
Because when the
music starts jammin'
I ain't dancing with Red Rash.
Yo, Overton, it's
your call, man.
Uh, well, alright,
let the party begin.
Woo‐hoo!