Living Single (1993–1998): Season 4, Episode 19 - Moonlight Savings Time - full transcript
Good morning, ladies.
Oh, look, my
coffeemaker's on the fritz.
Can I borrow a cup?
Hot cup of Joe comin' right up.
Alright.
That's about right.
You like cream?
What do you know. I can
measure every sip, huh?
Good morning.
Hey, there.
Well, what is all these dishes?
Who is tryin' to grow
Penicillin in my sink?
Don't look at me,
it's Synclaire's turn
to do the dishes.
Nah‐huh. It's Khadijah's turn.
I traded two do‐the‐dishes
for one clean‐the‐bathroom.
Thank you.
Then why does the
bathroom look like
it belongs in a bus station?
Maybe because you were
supposed to go buy cleanin' supplies
and all you came back with
was some nail polish and
a copy of "Blackhair Today."
I can't believe this.
We're all too busy or too bougie
to clean our own house.
Hey, man, how you guys
keep your house so clean?
Well, first of all
we don't let you all come visit.
And second, you know, I
shower at the gym, I dine out
and when my dates go well
I can usually cajole
them into vacuuming
on their way out in the morning.
Bye‐bye.
Ladies, the time has come for us
to hire a maid.
What? I don't want
some old feisty woman
messin' with my stuff.
We're not the Jeffersons.
Well, hold on there, Weezy.
We could get somebody
who could cook, too!
Imagine coming
home to a big old platter
of hot sloppy joes
on buttered buns.
Mmm.
Wait, with melted cheese on top?
Wisconsin's finest.
I'll get the phonebook.
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ Ooh and in a
90s kind of world ♪
♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪
♪ Keep your head up what? ♪
♪ Keep your head
up that's right ♪
♪ Whenever this life get
tough you gotta fight ♪
♪ With my home girls standing
to my left and my right ♪
♪ True blue it's
tight like glue ♪
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Check check check it out ♪
♪ Check check check it out ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ Do what you want,
girlfriend cause it's your world. ♪
♪ Haa ♪
Okay, now, I loosened the band
so, you can get
your big head in this.
‐ Okay, how does that
feel? ‐ Well, it's okay.
But it tickles my nose
every time I inhale.
Well, honey, a good
bride never breathes.
Obie! It's bad luck.
Don't look at me.
It only applies to
your weddin' dress
not your weddin' drawers.
You look beautiful,
my‐bride‐in‐bloomers.
Hey, that's a nice veil, Regine.
Wrap that lace around a muzzle
be perfect for your weddin'.
At least I'll have a
wedding, Marmaduke.
Good news, baby.
Max's landlord is lookin'
for a new handyman
and thanks to her recommendation
he hired me on the spot.
I told him Overton works cheap
doesn't flash people, and
never has been hospitalized
for schizophrenia.
Are you sure you can
live up to all of that?
Yup, and with marriage
and the prospect
of little James‐Joneses
I figured this would be a
good time to build a nest egg.
Oh, Overton, you don't
have to work two jobs.
If we plan ahead for hard times
we'll be just fine.
Yeah, and if "If" was a fifth
we'd all be drunk.
Synclaire, why are you cleanin'
when the housekeeper
will be here any minute?
I am not about to let
a complete stranger
see how we keep house.
When maids aren't
scrubbing toilets
they talk.
Well, I say we trash the place
and get our money's worth.
There, let her have that.
Oh, what are you doing?
Oh, it's not a
"Her," it's a "Him."
What?
Oh, great.
He shrinks my bras in the dryer
I'll have to give them to Max.
Khadijah, it is tres chic
to have a man Friday.
That way, your
apartment is clean
for your man on Saturday.
Good day.
I'm Reese. I believe
you were expecting me.
Good day. I'm Regine.
I'm the lady of the house.
Oh, uh, Khadijah and
Synclaire live here, too.
Hey, uh, do you
make Sloppy Joes?
Actually, I prepare a
variation I like to call.
Tidy Josephs.
You know, I used to not
like sweets in the morning
but, uh, you're
changin' my mind.
Just call me boy candy.
Alright, you got it.
Oh, come on.
'Ms. Shaw'
'it's your handyman.'
'Ha‐ha‐ha.'
Oh.
What are you
doin' here so early?
I got a six‐page
list of things to do.
How come you didn't tell
me this place was a house
of handyman horrors?
I told you my
landlord was cheap.
When my radiator broke he
gave me a hot‐water bottle.
‐ Hello, Shaw. ‐ Good
morning, Mr. Leon.
Slumlord.
Oh, hey, Mr. Leon.
What's up, man?
This building is
crumbling all around us
that's what's up.
3C has no electricity.
1A can't get a picture on his TV
and 3A isn't getting
any hot water.
Them damn people
take a shower every day.
'Hm.'
I'll tell you what
I'm on it like trouble
on a Dallas Cowboy.
‐ Oh, hey, hey,
Kyle. ‐ Hey, Overton.
How you doin', bro?
Wha..
What the devil.
What happened?
Order and cleanliness.
No!
I had a pencil on
each one of these piles.
Straight up and down
means it's finished.
Diagonal means
I have to reread it.
And two pencils means
fire the person who
gave me this trash!
Forgive me.
Next time I won't put
the pencils in the cup
after I've sharpened them.
Oh, no, you didn't.
Don't you know it's bad
luck to sharpen a pencil
before I finish proofin' it?
Look at this..
Not one dull point
in the whole bunch.
Why don't you just
push me out a window?
Attention, the mailbox is
now off limits for about an hour.
It's full of bleach.
Nothin' like comin'
home to clean mail.
Yep. Well, I'm off to
scrub out the air ducts
and fill them with
dried apricots.
I see.
So, the next time
you turn on the furnace
this apartment will smell
like mom's hot cobbler.
You've dabbled in this
profession, haven't you?
Well, I'm no Jeffery, but..
Let's just say I've got skills.
‐ Hey, Max. ‐ 'Yeah.'
Are you familiar
with the phrase.
"The building is only as strong
as its weakest apartment?"
Are you familiar
with the phrase.
"Who gives a rat's butt?"
Well, I traced the source
of all this building's problems
to this particular apartment.
Your turbo showerhead decreases
other tenants water pressure
and the constant power
outages are caused
by your three
heavy‐duty microwaves.
Yeah. I can pop popcorn,
nuke three TV dinners
and zap a box of hot pockets
all at the same time.
Okay, alright.
Hey, well, maybe I am
a little bit of an
energy pirate.
You're not gonna drop
a dime on me, are you?
Nah, I just change your
fuse to the circuit breaker
that will reduce your
amperage overload
and put a flow restrictor
in your showerhead
you know, on the down low.
Alright.
Oh, man.
Oh, man. Ms. Royster.
Probably got bad
TV reception again.
If that lady can't
see "Judge Judy"
she blows a gasket.
Oh Jamaican number nine incense.
Mmm. Thought
Kyle was the only one
into this stuff.
Who turned you onto it?
Now, did I ask you any questions
when I caught you
and Synclaire filling
your caulking gun
with hot caramel?
Good point.
Hey, uh, Overton
I'm headed down to
Grovetta's Fish Cottage.
Uh, can I, uh, pick you up
a little some‐something?
Aw, that's, uh, mighty
generous of you, Mr. Leon.
Well, it's two‐for‐one Tuesday.
And if you give me
$2.79 for your lunch
then mine's free.
Uh‐huh. Well, uh, anyway
I pinpointed your,
um, reception trouble.
‐ Satellite dish. ‐
What satellite dish?
That one right there.
What the hell is this?
Hell, I didn't approve
no damn satellite dish!
Oh, so we got a bit
of tomfoolery, huh?
Now, well, we don't
know who did it yet
but when I do find out
they gonna be out of here
faster than that fat
gal at the citadel.
Now..
Now, the cable leads down
to Mrs. Moreno's apartment.
Now, what does a old,
deaf, and blind woman
need with a satellite dish?
Yeah, but see, if
you look a little closer
you'll see that
the crafty culprit
rerouted the wire
down that drainpipe
straight across till Max..
Well, how's coffee?
Man, I had a hankerin'
for some all day.
When you go down to
Grovetta's Fish Cottage
why don't you pick me up some?
Wouldn't you know it?
The cable leads straight
to Shaw's apartment!
Oh, man. It might not
even be a satellite dish.
Might be one of those
remote control bird baths.
Put it here, fill it up
with water, the birds'll
chirp, chirp..
Overton, in one minute.
HBO is gonna stand for.
"Her Butt's Out."
Mr. Leon..
'Open up, Shaw.'
Damn!
Goddam. Get off me.
What the hell.
‐ What the hell do you want? ‐
You want to know what I want?
Oh, I'll show you what I want.
I want your TV‐piratin' ass
out of my buildin'!
Where did that come from?
Overton, tell this
man I'm innocent.
Overton's the one who
blew the whistle on you.
I still think we should
question the blind lady.
Shaw, you are in violation
of your tenant's agreement.
And I don't like your attitude.
You got one week
to pack your crap and get out.
Listen, I..
‐ Good work, Overton. ‐ Oh.
What in the hell were
you thinking, man?
Look, I just saw
a dish up there.
‐ I didn't know it was
yours. ‐ Why not?
You know me.
I mean, where am I
supposed to live now!
Damn!
Well, you could, uh, crash
with me and Kyle
for a little while.
I'd rather stick a
chopstick up my nose
and scramble my brain.
Damn!
I can't believe
you got me evicted
after I pulled all those
strings to get you this job!
Uh, now, hold up
there, Geppetto.
It ain't like you're completely
innocent around here.
You know, you're
really the Boy Scout.
You'd rather sell out a friend
than ignore a little
creative wiring.
You a fine one to
talk about friends
borrowing things,
never return 'em.
Eatin' up other people's food
and when you do get caught
with your hand in the cookie jar
you blame the chef for
makin' 'em, oh, so tasty.
What relative did you get
that colorful phrase from?
Uncle Smoke Eye?
'Cousin Hambone?'
Grandpa Cotton Gin?
Actually that was one of my own.
And here's another
pearl of wisdom.
Your self‐centered chickens
have come home to roost
so, cock‐a‐doodle‐do, girlie.
Damn! I'm gonna go get some air.
Kyle Barker, get
out here right now
'cause your woman
really startin' to piss me off.
Oh, Overton, you
know, I could see Max
from our apartment, man,
so, I came over to, you know
just pull down
her shades a litlte.
Cut the bull, shorty. I know
you and Max havin' sex.
Your secret is safe with me.
Man, it's just
sex, that's all it is.
You know, it's not like
the last time, you know?
Well, I hope it's
good sex for you
to deal with a woman like that.
Hoo.
‐ It is. Mm‐hmm. ‐ Okay.
Well, how come you
ain't tell me about it then?
Because I was afraid you'd
say what you just said, man.
Oh, no, I'm just
getting started.
That got to be the most
stubborn, hard‐headed woman
I ever met in my life.
Yeah, well, I concur.
She's greedy and she's selfish.
True that. True that.
‐ Plus she owe me five
dollars. ‐ She owe me 30.
Wait a minute. Now, one of us
is supposed to be on
the other side, right?
Brother, we are talking
about Maxine here.
‐ True that. ‐ Come on.
Yo, isn't Reese back
from gettin' my dry cleanin'?
Regine, he's a housekeeper
not an errand boy.
Call him what you want.
He's gettin' my laundry.
Okay, ladies time
to swab the decks.
Chop, chop. Let's
move some furniture!
Ms. Hunter, your dry cleaning
and your feminine products.
No, you didn't.
Girl, please. My
coupon expires today.
Reese, have you been
near my desk again?
No! I‐I've steered clear
of that sacred ground.
In fact, I won't be
darkening your
doorway any longer.
What? You, you're
not quittin' on me?
Uh, not just on you.
On the entire profession.
In a few short hours
your industrious roommate
has shown me how
inadequate I am.
Oh, but, Reese, I was just
tryin' to help a brother out.
And what a magnificent
job you've done!
This doorknob
it shines as though it
opens the gate to heaven.
Get up off that
now. Don't touch it.
You are a domestic dynamo.
I am not worthy to
carry your feather duster.
Now, I'm generally a pretty
compassionate person..
But this is just stupid.
Reese, this old house
used to be this old mess.
But your presence here
made me understand
that I could clean like
I've never cleaned before.
Isn't that what a
good leader does
lead by motivation?
Like Benson and the Governor?
‐ Hey, I need you. ‐
The profession needs you.
The world needs you.
Ms. James, you've
rekindled my lust to dust.
Here.
‐ Go, man, go. ‐ Thank you.
Hey, um, Reese,
this isn't my scarf.
Gucci.
Never mind.
Oh, hey, Max. How's the
search for the new crib goin'?
Does this sofa still
pull out into a bed?
Watch out, Khadijah.
He might find a 90‐watt bulb
in a 60‐watt socket
and have you shot.
I'm not gonna sink to
your level of immaturity
homeless woman.
‐ Look, man, let me tell
you‐‐ ‐ It's your fault. You..
‐ I don't give no.. ‐
Put yourself in the..
Hey! I'm trying'
to watch TV here.
Shaggy and Scooby are
about to unmask the fake ghost.
I knew it was you!
Ah, those meddling kids.
Are you just gonna
let him sit there
after he had your
sister evicted?
He didn't get you evicted, Max.
You got yourself evicted.
Testify.
Et tu, Khadijah?
Max, come on, now.
Look, Overton, has
always had our back.
I mean, when you were outta work
who made you his apprentice?
And when he had insomnia
who built you a sauna?
And who is always
coming over to your house
to fix things for free?
'Come on.'
Uh, Mr. Jones..
Perhaps I was remiss
in my assignation
of blame with
regard to my domicile.
Ipso facto, I
imputed responsibility
on an inculpable party
a grievous error
and judgment I regret.
Ebonically speakin'
word up she was dead
wrong and she be sorry.
Oh, okay. So, we cool.
‐ Yo, way to go, girl. ‐ I know.
Well, alright,
Khadijah, you mind
if I store some stuff over here?
My bed, my tennis racket, me?
You know, Mr. Leon
might see things differently
if the bunion was
on the other foot.
What are you gettin' at?
Well, allow this Boy
Scout to show you
that he too has a... dark side.
Overton..
Boy, this better be good
'cause I was dreamin'
about Cleopatra Jones.
She had gotten
behind in her rent
and we was just about
to work somethin' out.
I just thought
you'd like to know
that the problem
with the reception
is not with the satellite dish.
Actually, the wirin' in
the buildin' is quite old.
Did someone say "Old wiring?"
Who the hell are you?
Inspector James,
Department of Housing.
Uh, there isn't a
problem with the wiring
is there, inspector?
Not as long as you don't
mind waking up on fire.
I know you.
You that hip‐hop chick
from across the street.
Yeah, well, I'm
also a paramedic..
And a paralegal
and I'm at the top of
my Amway Pyramid.
Mr. Leon didn't mean
to upset you, inspector
did you, Mr. Leon?
Oh, no!
Oh, of course not.
Look, I'm going to hire someone
to clean up this
mess immediately.
Well, you know outside
contractor's gonna
cost you upwards of 15 grand.
Overton, you know I
ain't got that kinda scratch.
Okay, hands behind your
back, palms facin' up, please.
‐ Hold on, inspector.
‐ Maybe I can help out.
Look, look here, Mr. Leon.
Uh, you know, if you
buy all the materials
I can fix everything up
with my regular salary.
Thank God
'cause I'm too
pretty to go to prison.
There is one hitch.
Max has got to stay.
Tell her to stop
writin' "Go to hell"
on her rent checks..
And we got a deal.
Hey, I can fix the wirin'
but I am not God.
You know, Mr. Leon..
I'm gonna be keeping
my eye on you.
‐ We got him. ‐ Good,
good, good, good, good!
‐ Good, inspector.
‐ Oh, my goodness.
You're lucky I didn't
break character.
Oh, I wanted to beat him down
when he called
me a hip‐hop chick.
I'll give him some hip hop.
All I wanna know is, uh
where y'all come up
with them handcuffs?
I need those back.
Hot date tonight.
Woo‐hoo!
Oh, look, my
coffeemaker's on the fritz.
Can I borrow a cup?
Hot cup of Joe comin' right up.
Alright.
That's about right.
You like cream?
What do you know. I can
measure every sip, huh?
Good morning.
Hey, there.
Well, what is all these dishes?
Who is tryin' to grow
Penicillin in my sink?
Don't look at me,
it's Synclaire's turn
to do the dishes.
Nah‐huh. It's Khadijah's turn.
I traded two do‐the‐dishes
for one clean‐the‐bathroom.
Thank you.
Then why does the
bathroom look like
it belongs in a bus station?
Maybe because you were
supposed to go buy cleanin' supplies
and all you came back with
was some nail polish and
a copy of "Blackhair Today."
I can't believe this.
We're all too busy or too bougie
to clean our own house.
Hey, man, how you guys
keep your house so clean?
Well, first of all
we don't let you all come visit.
And second, you know, I
shower at the gym, I dine out
and when my dates go well
I can usually cajole
them into vacuuming
on their way out in the morning.
Bye‐bye.
Ladies, the time has come for us
to hire a maid.
What? I don't want
some old feisty woman
messin' with my stuff.
We're not the Jeffersons.
Well, hold on there, Weezy.
We could get somebody
who could cook, too!
Imagine coming
home to a big old platter
of hot sloppy joes
on buttered buns.
Mmm.
Wait, with melted cheese on top?
Wisconsin's finest.
I'll get the phonebook.
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ Ooh and in a
90s kind of world ♪
♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪
♪ Keep your head up what? ♪
♪ Keep your head
up that's right ♪
♪ Whenever this life get
tough you gotta fight ♪
♪ With my home girls standing
to my left and my right ♪
♪ True blue it's
tight like glue ♪
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Check check check it out ♪
♪ Check check check it out ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ Do what you want,
girlfriend cause it's your world. ♪
♪ Haa ♪
Okay, now, I loosened the band
so, you can get
your big head in this.
‐ Okay, how does that
feel? ‐ Well, it's okay.
But it tickles my nose
every time I inhale.
Well, honey, a good
bride never breathes.
Obie! It's bad luck.
Don't look at me.
It only applies to
your weddin' dress
not your weddin' drawers.
You look beautiful,
my‐bride‐in‐bloomers.
Hey, that's a nice veil, Regine.
Wrap that lace around a muzzle
be perfect for your weddin'.
At least I'll have a
wedding, Marmaduke.
Good news, baby.
Max's landlord is lookin'
for a new handyman
and thanks to her recommendation
he hired me on the spot.
I told him Overton works cheap
doesn't flash people, and
never has been hospitalized
for schizophrenia.
Are you sure you can
live up to all of that?
Yup, and with marriage
and the prospect
of little James‐Joneses
I figured this would be a
good time to build a nest egg.
Oh, Overton, you don't
have to work two jobs.
If we plan ahead for hard times
we'll be just fine.
Yeah, and if "If" was a fifth
we'd all be drunk.
Synclaire, why are you cleanin'
when the housekeeper
will be here any minute?
I am not about to let
a complete stranger
see how we keep house.
When maids aren't
scrubbing toilets
they talk.
Well, I say we trash the place
and get our money's worth.
There, let her have that.
Oh, what are you doing?
Oh, it's not a
"Her," it's a "Him."
What?
Oh, great.
He shrinks my bras in the dryer
I'll have to give them to Max.
Khadijah, it is tres chic
to have a man Friday.
That way, your
apartment is clean
for your man on Saturday.
Good day.
I'm Reese. I believe
you were expecting me.
Good day. I'm Regine.
I'm the lady of the house.
Oh, uh, Khadijah and
Synclaire live here, too.
Hey, uh, do you
make Sloppy Joes?
Actually, I prepare a
variation I like to call.
Tidy Josephs.
You know, I used to not
like sweets in the morning
but, uh, you're
changin' my mind.
Just call me boy candy.
Alright, you got it.
Oh, come on.
'Ms. Shaw'
'it's your handyman.'
'Ha‐ha‐ha.'
Oh.
What are you
doin' here so early?
I got a six‐page
list of things to do.
How come you didn't tell
me this place was a house
of handyman horrors?
I told you my
landlord was cheap.
When my radiator broke he
gave me a hot‐water bottle.
‐ Hello, Shaw. ‐ Good
morning, Mr. Leon.
Slumlord.
Oh, hey, Mr. Leon.
What's up, man?
This building is
crumbling all around us
that's what's up.
3C has no electricity.
1A can't get a picture on his TV
and 3A isn't getting
any hot water.
Them damn people
take a shower every day.
'Hm.'
I'll tell you what
I'm on it like trouble
on a Dallas Cowboy.
‐ Oh, hey, hey,
Kyle. ‐ Hey, Overton.
How you doin', bro?
Wha..
What the devil.
What happened?
Order and cleanliness.
No!
I had a pencil on
each one of these piles.
Straight up and down
means it's finished.
Diagonal means
I have to reread it.
And two pencils means
fire the person who
gave me this trash!
Forgive me.
Next time I won't put
the pencils in the cup
after I've sharpened them.
Oh, no, you didn't.
Don't you know it's bad
luck to sharpen a pencil
before I finish proofin' it?
Look at this..
Not one dull point
in the whole bunch.
Why don't you just
push me out a window?
Attention, the mailbox is
now off limits for about an hour.
It's full of bleach.
Nothin' like comin'
home to clean mail.
Yep. Well, I'm off to
scrub out the air ducts
and fill them with
dried apricots.
I see.
So, the next time
you turn on the furnace
this apartment will smell
like mom's hot cobbler.
You've dabbled in this
profession, haven't you?
Well, I'm no Jeffery, but..
Let's just say I've got skills.
‐ Hey, Max. ‐ 'Yeah.'
Are you familiar
with the phrase.
"The building is only as strong
as its weakest apartment?"
Are you familiar
with the phrase.
"Who gives a rat's butt?"
Well, I traced the source
of all this building's problems
to this particular apartment.
Your turbo showerhead decreases
other tenants water pressure
and the constant power
outages are caused
by your three
heavy‐duty microwaves.
Yeah. I can pop popcorn,
nuke three TV dinners
and zap a box of hot pockets
all at the same time.
Okay, alright.
Hey, well, maybe I am
a little bit of an
energy pirate.
You're not gonna drop
a dime on me, are you?
Nah, I just change your
fuse to the circuit breaker
that will reduce your
amperage overload
and put a flow restrictor
in your showerhead
you know, on the down low.
Alright.
Oh, man.
Oh, man. Ms. Royster.
Probably got bad
TV reception again.
If that lady can't
see "Judge Judy"
she blows a gasket.
Oh Jamaican number nine incense.
Mmm. Thought
Kyle was the only one
into this stuff.
Who turned you onto it?
Now, did I ask you any questions
when I caught you
and Synclaire filling
your caulking gun
with hot caramel?
Good point.
Hey, uh, Overton
I'm headed down to
Grovetta's Fish Cottage.
Uh, can I, uh, pick you up
a little some‐something?
Aw, that's, uh, mighty
generous of you, Mr. Leon.
Well, it's two‐for‐one Tuesday.
And if you give me
$2.79 for your lunch
then mine's free.
Uh‐huh. Well, uh, anyway
I pinpointed your,
um, reception trouble.
‐ Satellite dish. ‐
What satellite dish?
That one right there.
What the hell is this?
Hell, I didn't approve
no damn satellite dish!
Oh, so we got a bit
of tomfoolery, huh?
Now, well, we don't
know who did it yet
but when I do find out
they gonna be out of here
faster than that fat
gal at the citadel.
Now..
Now, the cable leads down
to Mrs. Moreno's apartment.
Now, what does a old,
deaf, and blind woman
need with a satellite dish?
Yeah, but see, if
you look a little closer
you'll see that
the crafty culprit
rerouted the wire
down that drainpipe
straight across till Max..
Well, how's coffee?
Man, I had a hankerin'
for some all day.
When you go down to
Grovetta's Fish Cottage
why don't you pick me up some?
Wouldn't you know it?
The cable leads straight
to Shaw's apartment!
Oh, man. It might not
even be a satellite dish.
Might be one of those
remote control bird baths.
Put it here, fill it up
with water, the birds'll
chirp, chirp..
Overton, in one minute.
HBO is gonna stand for.
"Her Butt's Out."
Mr. Leon..
'Open up, Shaw.'
Damn!
Goddam. Get off me.
What the hell.
‐ What the hell do you want? ‐
You want to know what I want?
Oh, I'll show you what I want.
I want your TV‐piratin' ass
out of my buildin'!
Where did that come from?
Overton, tell this
man I'm innocent.
Overton's the one who
blew the whistle on you.
I still think we should
question the blind lady.
Shaw, you are in violation
of your tenant's agreement.
And I don't like your attitude.
You got one week
to pack your crap and get out.
Listen, I..
‐ Good work, Overton. ‐ Oh.
What in the hell were
you thinking, man?
Look, I just saw
a dish up there.
‐ I didn't know it was
yours. ‐ Why not?
You know me.
I mean, where am I
supposed to live now!
Damn!
Well, you could, uh, crash
with me and Kyle
for a little while.
I'd rather stick a
chopstick up my nose
and scramble my brain.
Damn!
I can't believe
you got me evicted
after I pulled all those
strings to get you this job!
Uh, now, hold up
there, Geppetto.
It ain't like you're completely
innocent around here.
You know, you're
really the Boy Scout.
You'd rather sell out a friend
than ignore a little
creative wiring.
You a fine one to
talk about friends
borrowing things,
never return 'em.
Eatin' up other people's food
and when you do get caught
with your hand in the cookie jar
you blame the chef for
makin' 'em, oh, so tasty.
What relative did you get
that colorful phrase from?
Uncle Smoke Eye?
'Cousin Hambone?'
Grandpa Cotton Gin?
Actually that was one of my own.
And here's another
pearl of wisdom.
Your self‐centered chickens
have come home to roost
so, cock‐a‐doodle‐do, girlie.
Damn! I'm gonna go get some air.
Kyle Barker, get
out here right now
'cause your woman
really startin' to piss me off.
Oh, Overton, you
know, I could see Max
from our apartment, man,
so, I came over to, you know
just pull down
her shades a litlte.
Cut the bull, shorty. I know
you and Max havin' sex.
Your secret is safe with me.
Man, it's just
sex, that's all it is.
You know, it's not like
the last time, you know?
Well, I hope it's
good sex for you
to deal with a woman like that.
Hoo.
‐ It is. Mm‐hmm. ‐ Okay.
Well, how come you
ain't tell me about it then?
Because I was afraid you'd
say what you just said, man.
Oh, no, I'm just
getting started.
That got to be the most
stubborn, hard‐headed woman
I ever met in my life.
Yeah, well, I concur.
She's greedy and she's selfish.
True that. True that.
‐ Plus she owe me five
dollars. ‐ She owe me 30.
Wait a minute. Now, one of us
is supposed to be on
the other side, right?
Brother, we are talking
about Maxine here.
‐ True that. ‐ Come on.
Yo, isn't Reese back
from gettin' my dry cleanin'?
Regine, he's a housekeeper
not an errand boy.
Call him what you want.
He's gettin' my laundry.
Okay, ladies time
to swab the decks.
Chop, chop. Let's
move some furniture!
Ms. Hunter, your dry cleaning
and your feminine products.
No, you didn't.
Girl, please. My
coupon expires today.
Reese, have you been
near my desk again?
No! I‐I've steered clear
of that sacred ground.
In fact, I won't be
darkening your
doorway any longer.
What? You, you're
not quittin' on me?
Uh, not just on you.
On the entire profession.
In a few short hours
your industrious roommate
has shown me how
inadequate I am.
Oh, but, Reese, I was just
tryin' to help a brother out.
And what a magnificent
job you've done!
This doorknob
it shines as though it
opens the gate to heaven.
Get up off that
now. Don't touch it.
You are a domestic dynamo.
I am not worthy to
carry your feather duster.
Now, I'm generally a pretty
compassionate person..
But this is just stupid.
Reese, this old house
used to be this old mess.
But your presence here
made me understand
that I could clean like
I've never cleaned before.
Isn't that what a
good leader does
lead by motivation?
Like Benson and the Governor?
‐ Hey, I need you. ‐
The profession needs you.
The world needs you.
Ms. James, you've
rekindled my lust to dust.
Here.
‐ Go, man, go. ‐ Thank you.
Hey, um, Reese,
this isn't my scarf.
Gucci.
Never mind.
Oh, hey, Max. How's the
search for the new crib goin'?
Does this sofa still
pull out into a bed?
Watch out, Khadijah.
He might find a 90‐watt bulb
in a 60‐watt socket
and have you shot.
I'm not gonna sink to
your level of immaturity
homeless woman.
‐ Look, man, let me tell
you‐‐ ‐ It's your fault. You..
‐ I don't give no.. ‐
Put yourself in the..
Hey! I'm trying'
to watch TV here.
Shaggy and Scooby are
about to unmask the fake ghost.
I knew it was you!
Ah, those meddling kids.
Are you just gonna
let him sit there
after he had your
sister evicted?
He didn't get you evicted, Max.
You got yourself evicted.
Testify.
Et tu, Khadijah?
Max, come on, now.
Look, Overton, has
always had our back.
I mean, when you were outta work
who made you his apprentice?
And when he had insomnia
who built you a sauna?
And who is always
coming over to your house
to fix things for free?
'Come on.'
Uh, Mr. Jones..
Perhaps I was remiss
in my assignation
of blame with
regard to my domicile.
Ipso facto, I
imputed responsibility
on an inculpable party
a grievous error
and judgment I regret.
Ebonically speakin'
word up she was dead
wrong and she be sorry.
Oh, okay. So, we cool.
‐ Yo, way to go, girl. ‐ I know.
Well, alright,
Khadijah, you mind
if I store some stuff over here?
My bed, my tennis racket, me?
You know, Mr. Leon
might see things differently
if the bunion was
on the other foot.
What are you gettin' at?
Well, allow this Boy
Scout to show you
that he too has a... dark side.
Overton..
Boy, this better be good
'cause I was dreamin'
about Cleopatra Jones.
She had gotten
behind in her rent
and we was just about
to work somethin' out.
I just thought
you'd like to know
that the problem
with the reception
is not with the satellite dish.
Actually, the wirin' in
the buildin' is quite old.
Did someone say "Old wiring?"
Who the hell are you?
Inspector James,
Department of Housing.
Uh, there isn't a
problem with the wiring
is there, inspector?
Not as long as you don't
mind waking up on fire.
I know you.
You that hip‐hop chick
from across the street.
Yeah, well, I'm
also a paramedic..
And a paralegal
and I'm at the top of
my Amway Pyramid.
Mr. Leon didn't mean
to upset you, inspector
did you, Mr. Leon?
Oh, no!
Oh, of course not.
Look, I'm going to hire someone
to clean up this
mess immediately.
Well, you know outside
contractor's gonna
cost you upwards of 15 grand.
Overton, you know I
ain't got that kinda scratch.
Okay, hands behind your
back, palms facin' up, please.
‐ Hold on, inspector.
‐ Maybe I can help out.
Look, look here, Mr. Leon.
Uh, you know, if you
buy all the materials
I can fix everything up
with my regular salary.
Thank God
'cause I'm too
pretty to go to prison.
There is one hitch.
Max has got to stay.
Tell her to stop
writin' "Go to hell"
on her rent checks..
And we got a deal.
Hey, I can fix the wirin'
but I am not God.
You know, Mr. Leon..
I'm gonna be keeping
my eye on you.
‐ We got him. ‐ Good,
good, good, good, good!
‐ Good, inspector.
‐ Oh, my goodness.
You're lucky I didn't
break character.
Oh, I wanted to beat him down
when he called
me a hip‐hop chick.
I'll give him some hip hop.
All I wanna know is, uh
where y'all come up
with them handcuffs?
I need those back.
Hot date tonight.
Woo‐hoo!