Living Single (1993–1998): Season 4, Episode 18 - Swing Out Sisters - full transcript
Man, you worked up a appetite
dustin' those shoe trees, bruh.
Yeah, well, when
you own 78 pairs
it's like dusting
a veritable forest.
What brings you out of your
belfry this godforsaken morning?
One of the knobs
fell of my dresser.
Mm, well, you need
a clear finish epoxy
with triple strength
melding capabilities.
Uh, Krazy glue.
Maxine, you have been
opening up your dresser
with a rusty fork for years.
What really brings you here?
You left these folded
underneath my pillow.
Ooh.
It did feel a bit breezy
crossing the street.
So are you still on for Tuesday?
Room 718, The Paramount
and if you're late, I'm
starting without you.
Hey, Max, you
know, I was thinking..
Where, where'd Max go, man?
Damn, near
dislocated my shoulder
tryin' to pry this out the box.
Uh, uh, she heard the
dogcatcher and ran for cover.
Anyway, look, um,
I've got to get to work.
I'm tryin' to convince
Jeffrey to give me
the new Hollowell
account and I've got to..
Spend the day,
oh, impressing him.
Why not invite your
boss over Saturday night
to watch the fight?
It's Frank, the Widow
Maker Muldoom
vs Carlos Lullaby Lopez.
Oh, well, Jeffrey
is a huge fight fan.
He was taken bench when
the challengers went toe‐to‐toe
after they got drunk
at the Christmas party.
Hey, man, it's
only 20 bucks a pop
and plus, I'm laying
out my world class buffet
with baloney pot pie.
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ Ooh and in a
'90s kind of world ♪
♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪
♪ Keep your head up what?
Keep your head up that's right ♪
♪ Whenever this life
gets tough you gotta fight ♪
♪ With my home girls standing
to my left and my right ♪
♪ True blue it's
tight like glue ♪
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Check check check it out ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ Haa ♪
Check this out.
Khadijah is sitting
next to Terry Macmillan
at the women‐in‐media luncheon
and she didn't
even tell me about it.
Hmmm. Well, that
makes two surprises.
She didn't tell me either and
you're bringing our paper back.
'Hey, how come you
didn't tell me about this?'
You know, that you're
required to tell me everything
even if doesn't degrade
or shame someone.
Well, I'm so used to
you sniffin' stuff out
I just stopped telling you.
And here's something
else your radar missed.
Last Thursday, I gave a
speech at the mayor's mansion
bout New York City
sweatshops, thank you.
Now why would anybody
wanna hear about your bedroom?
Look at us.
Speeches and‐and
celebrity lunches and..
Acting.
Ah, pretty soon,
we'd all be so busy
we won't even know each other.
I can hardly wait.
Well, I guess I
have been so busy
coordinating fabulous weddings.
‐ Is that what you do?
‐ Yes, that's what I do.
I guess I have forgotten
the, the truly important things
in life like bragging
about ridin' in a cab
that Denzel just got out of.
Ooh, never has warm
vinyl felt so... magical.
What‐what happened, oh,
what happened to the days
when we used to share our lives?
And‐and share our
dreams over a big old tub
of rum raisin ice‐cream, mm.
Yeah, you know what,
we‐we should just go out
and kick it like we used to.
‐ Yes. ‐ Just the girls.
No Obie.
No man du jour.
No born ass diva talk.
‐ No "Flavor." ‐ Well, okay.
Alright, then they're
showcasing female comic
Saturday night at the Cafe.
I say we grab a table upfront
and let somebody else make
fun of Regine for a change.
Overton, string
cheese and pork rice
do not belong in
the same building
as sushi and shrimp, man.
Look here, Kyle.
If I charge my boys 20 bucks
for some bait and rice bowls
I'll be the laughing
stock of PD's plumbing.
Well, we wouldn't want PD
mocking us now, would we?
Here come the crew now.
Alright, now, here we go.
'Kyle!'
This is The Eclipse.
'This right here is
my man Red Rash.'
Well, I imagine they
call you The Eclipse
because of your size and..
I don't wanna imagine
why they call you Red Rash?
‐ Overton. ‐ Alright,
yeah, sky flow, baby.
‐ Cha ching. ‐ Overton,
can I speak to you?
‐ Yeah, what's up? ‐ Look, man.
I have invited my boss.
Could you have
invited your friends
who do not pick and scratch?
They comin' too.
Now you gonna love Big Snaky.
Sharp dresser.
Hey, uh..
‐ Hello, Kyle. ‐ Jeffrey.
I hope you don't mind. I
brought my nephews along.
This is Harvey and Nathaniel.
Okay. The more, the merrier.
Look, I've put together
a pallet‐pleasing
assortment of hors d'oeuvres.
I've even tracked down
an amusing bottle
of Montrachet '84.
Hey!
Twinkies!
I didn't see no Twinkies.
‐ Twinkies? ‐ Don't worry, Kyle.
They'll eat your little sushi.
All you gotta do is squeeze
some cheese on them.
So they call it a training bra
but what exactly is it trainin'?
And how do you
know when it's trained?
Oh, do I have juice or what?
Best table in the place
all because I stop in
for a snack sometimes.
Sometimes?
Max, they named the
sandwich after you.
Oh, yeah, Big Max.
Hey, ooh.
They got a dessert
named after me too.
Alright.
Uh, I hope my jokes don't
interfere with your readin'.
I hope your jokes don't
interfere with my appetite.
Oh, excuse me.
We didn't order this.
Oh, great.
Lenny, Squiggy and Potsie are
trying to mack us with snacks.
Alright, now this
happens to me all the time.
So just ignore them.
Hi, ladies, uh, my name is Eric
and uh, these are my boys Jerry
and my man Vince
over here and uh..
If sexy was Oreos, you'd
be double‐stuffed, baby.
And if corny was a crime,
you'd be on death row.
Beat it, come on, get up off me.
Sorry about my forward friend.
He doesn't know how to act
when he sees a table
full of beautiful women.
As attractive as I am..
We're not trying to
meet anybody, alright.
Oooh, chilly.
Are you as frosty as
your friend in the wig?
Come here, man.
Now I‐I realize that I
just, like, dissed you
but to drown your
sorrows in that
mnh‐mnh, come on,
bro, have some pride now.
I hate to burst your
bubble, but I'm engaged.
See, I'm a done deal.
I'm all locked up, brother.
And what's this strong
enough for a man
but made for a woman crap?
Why don't they just say strong
enough for a big smelly woman?
She needs some
deodorant for this act.
Either she goes or I go.
Alright, what do you
say we take a vote?
Uh, alright, that's it.
You'll never see me
in this place again.
I'm getting all
my food delivered.
'In my 30 years of
covering the street signs'
'this is the dullest
fight I've ever seen.'
You know, thank God,
the food is real good
but this slap fight isn't
worth my 20 bucks.
Twenty bucks?
What, they charge you more?
They're not charging
me anything.
Uh, Jeffrey, Jeffrey.
Look, um, have you
given any more thought
to who's gonna handle
the Hallowell account?
Well, as a matter of
fact, I've made a decision.
‐ Ohh, uh.. ‐ What?
Pork grinds. Uh, little
boy's room, where?
‐ End of the hall. ‐ Oh.
God speed.
All I wanna know is how
come I paid and the suit didn't?
Oh, everybody paid up and
went through you, right, Kyle?
In their own way, yes.
Oh, look, Bob Feller.
Oh, great, Regine.
Now if we wanna
talk to each other
all we need to do
is use a bullhorn.
Hey, Club Nexus is the
perfect spot for girls' night out.
Yeah, great music and
absolutely no men hitting on us.
And why aren't they
hitting on us? I look good.
Oh, oh, oh, wait now.
Finally, an oasis in
this city full of bros.
That voice.
‐ Russell. ‐ Sugar chest.
Boss lady.
Russell, if you're gay
you've been doing a
hell of a job hiding it.
Now that's for damn sure.
Shh. Step into my office.
I'm not gay, but these
folks are great tippers.
Especially when I
flash my winning smile.
Hello, Benny.
Plus, I have access
to straight women
who don't expect a
hetero Adonis in their midst.
‐ That works? ‐ The
proof is in the pudding.
Isn't that right, pudding cups?
Frankie, cover for me.
I'll get you Bette
Midler tickets.
Let's dance and Lord help you
if your not wearing a sports bra.
Russell, as classy
as that request was.
I, I would rather
bathe with a toaster.
Okay. Attention, please.
Russell is dancing.
Pardon me
but has anyone ever told
you that you are stunning.
‐ Not in this place. ‐ Hmm.
You know, you've done an
amazing job of hiding that stubble.
And your Adam's apple
is practically invisible.
Well, why in the hell would
I have a stubble? What..
Oh, oh, oh, so
you're really into
the role playing
thing, huh? Okay.
Listen, pal, I am a
natural born woman.
Never had a jockstrap.
Never got a prostate exam.
In fact I'm ovulating
as we speak.
A woman?
Thanks for wasting
my time, sicko.
Can you believe the ego?
I mean, just
hogging the spotlight
while a room full of
people watch in admiration.
I'm going out there.
Kyle, look here, man.
I did a little digging
and I realized none
of your guest paid.
If you don't come
up with 60 bucks.
Red Rash is gonna rub up on you.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, my
boss grubs gratis, alright?
Look, all I know
is your boy Jeffrey
makes about 12 grand a week
while The Eclipse hasn't
worked steady since July '81.
Look, need I remind
you that I just spent $400
on sushi, wine,
big screen rental
while you spent 32.50
on generic sodas
and discount ice, huh?
Jeffrey, Jeffrey,
how's your stomach?
It's better, but I banged my
head on the edge of the toilet.
‐ Where's an ice pack?
‐ Um, in the freezer.
There's a Ralph Lauren ice pack.
Why don't you finish
off that steak in there, too
while you're at it? It's
all yours and all free.
Well, at least my guests did
not descend on this apartment
like a pack of marauding Hun.
I didn't understand
that, but I didn't like it.
Well, basically, he calling
you a ravenous buffoon.
I'm still in the dark,
but I'm getting mad.
I would not expect
the plunger squad
from Paydes to understand.
Now that I get.
I'm ready to crack open
a can and whoop ass.
No. Look here,
man, you're my guest.
Allow me.
You know what, dawg, about
time for the hammer to meet the nail.
You feel a squirrely Kojak jump.
Oh. To the hallway, bruh?
‐ Let's go. ‐ Finally,
let's see a fight.
Yeah, about time.
Come on, you just
bought that time.
You can't talk about
my people like that.
‐ Come on. ‐ Yeah.
‐ Alright. ‐ Oh, what? Who?
Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.
I‐I‐I can't do this, man.
Damn! I hate it when
cooler heads prevail.
‐ Hit him, man. ‐
No, no, no, no, see.
I just can't thaw down
in my suede shirt.
Yeah!
‐ Come on out
this way. ‐ Alright.
No, hold on, this,
this is wrong, man.
I just replaced
these floorboards.
And I ain't messing
them up with your blood.
‐ To the street.
‐ To the street!
Hey, fellas, fellas,
you're missing it.
They came out throwing
haymakers in Hudson Jet
and they knocked each other down
and now they're
both trying to get up.
And there's a bell!
Oh, man, that's some real pain.
Kyle, uh, prize
fighting history's
been made upstairs, man.
So what? You gonna back
down like you did in third grade?
Huh, huh?
Nobody backed down.
As I recall, you
had a bloody nose
and I had a lump in my head.
Yeah, man, that bloody nose.
It messed up a
perfectly good tie too.
Yeah, my mom
had to let out my hat
to make room for the lump.
After we were put on
punishment for the whole summer
I thought we swore
we'd never fight again.
Yeah, but we broke that
promise in the tenth grade
when the same healthy senior
asked us both to the prom.
‐ Yeah. ‐ Hmm.
‐ Vanessa Edmonds.
‐ Vanessa Edmonds.
Boo‐yah!
Name two tools named
after their inventors.
Hey, uh, the Alan ranch.
I don't know, the lazy Susan.
I'd go with Philip screwdriver.
Hey, you're right! Thank you.
My ex‐boyfriend
Nolan is a handyman.
Really? So is my fiance.
Nolan taught me all about tools.
And then he left me
with nothing but memories
and an empty cocking gun.
Damn. Damn!
Let me tell you
something, brother.
You take that empty cocking gun
and you use it to seal
up that broken heart.
We cannot have the,
the moisture of depression
causing mildew in
your bathtub of hope.
‐ You're right. ‐ I know I am.
Girlfriend, you make
me feel like dancing.
Let's dance the night away.
Hey, Cayman Island.
Khadijah broke the
Super Slang records.
Oh, shoot, I just won 23 beers
and unlimited pretzels.
‐ Get at me. Get at me. ‐
Congratulations, Khadijah.
Hanks had the records
since the 4th of July.
I remember because
he was wearing
star spangled hot pants.
Kid Hank. This is my thing now.
‐ Oh, well, if it isn't
Hank. ‐ Khadijah.
Well, you better have a
whole purse full of quarters
if you plan on beatin' me.
It's on, sister.
♪ Let's make lots of money ♪
If Hank gets this one,
he'll beat your record.
Not if he sees that
run in his stocking.
That was not fair.
Uh.
Well, neither is the way
you're stretching out that skirt.
Barkeep, my beverages.
I should, I should
go with the girls.
Before you go..
Did you have a
good time tonight?
You promise not to tell anyone?
Cross my heart.
Or better yet, let
me cross your heart.
See.
See, I was about to say
I didn't have the
worst time in the world.
Now what did you
do? What did you do?
You ruined it.
Not the worst time in the world.
Where I come from, that's
as good as saying I love you.
Well, we're not in Jamaica.
I'm talking about the Bronx.
Come on, Regine,
our work is done.
‐ Alright, Russ. ‐ Bye, Russell.
So, uh, Jeff, is it,
um, safe to assume
you had a good time tonight?
Well, actually, it reminded me
of my days as a young man..
In Vietnam.
So it's safe to assume
that you're signing
the Hallowell account
to someone who didn't give
you flashbacks of Jungle warfare.
Kyle, I had a great time.
I ate my favorite foods,
I saw a wonderful fight
and Mr. Eclipse and I are going
to a monster truck
rally next week.
Son, you have the account.
‐ Yes. ‐ Alright.
It was so nice to
meet you, Mr. Overbite.
Okay.
See you, Jeff.
Well, as my Uncle
Tibby used to say.
"Just when you think the
tornado's gonna hit you
it turns and hit your
neighbors trailer instead."
If that's your way of saying
all's well that ends well
then I conquer, my brother.
And now is time for
my favorite nightcap.
Hot Synclaire!
See you now.
Oh, just ignore it.
You know, I meant to ask Hank
where he got them pumps from?
'Cause even in a size
14, they were fierce.
Oh, you know
something, you guys?
This is the perfect
place to bond.
It's just so homey.
Damn, they are persistent.
Let's just get rid of them.
‐ 'Yeah.' ‐ 'Yeah, sure.'
‐ Okay? ‐ 'Hmm.'
‐ Hey! ‐ Hey!
‐ What's up? What's
up? ‐ Hey, fellas.
We girls were having
a heated debate.
The topic, Does size matter?
Yeah, you know, we'd
love for you to join in.
I got a big day tomorrow.
Well, mine's bigger. Goodnight.
Uh, yeah, if anybody knows
how to get rid of men‐‐.
It's me, beat you to it.
I'm so glad we hung
out tonight, y'all.
You know, we gotta stay close.
Yes, we do and let's promise not
to let anything come between us.
Right. Not husbands,
not children, not careers.
Yeah, it's easy for
you to say, Regine.
Oh, I‐I'm sorry. I
forgot we are bonding.
Look, you are all
important to me.
Really.
And not just because
of the free cable.
You know what?
Why don't we do this
again next Saturday?
Oh, I can't.
‐ Saturday after that? ‐ Booked.
Oh, I'm busy the
weekend after that.
Well, I guess we
had to enjoy the night
'cause this will
never happen again.
To my girls!
‐ Alright, girls! ‐
To my girls! Yeah!
Woo‐hoo!
dustin' those shoe trees, bruh.
Yeah, well, when
you own 78 pairs
it's like dusting
a veritable forest.
What brings you out of your
belfry this godforsaken morning?
One of the knobs
fell of my dresser.
Mm, well, you need
a clear finish epoxy
with triple strength
melding capabilities.
Uh, Krazy glue.
Maxine, you have been
opening up your dresser
with a rusty fork for years.
What really brings you here?
You left these folded
underneath my pillow.
Ooh.
It did feel a bit breezy
crossing the street.
So are you still on for Tuesday?
Room 718, The Paramount
and if you're late, I'm
starting without you.
Hey, Max, you
know, I was thinking..
Where, where'd Max go, man?
Damn, near
dislocated my shoulder
tryin' to pry this out the box.
Uh, uh, she heard the
dogcatcher and ran for cover.
Anyway, look, um,
I've got to get to work.
I'm tryin' to convince
Jeffrey to give me
the new Hollowell
account and I've got to..
Spend the day,
oh, impressing him.
Why not invite your
boss over Saturday night
to watch the fight?
It's Frank, the Widow
Maker Muldoom
vs Carlos Lullaby Lopez.
Oh, well, Jeffrey
is a huge fight fan.
He was taken bench when
the challengers went toe‐to‐toe
after they got drunk
at the Christmas party.
Hey, man, it's
only 20 bucks a pop
and plus, I'm laying
out my world class buffet
with baloney pot pie.
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ Ooh and in a
'90s kind of world ♪
♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪
♪ Keep your head up what?
Keep your head up that's right ♪
♪ Whenever this life
gets tough you gotta fight ♪
♪ With my home girls standing
to my left and my right ♪
♪ True blue it's
tight like glue ♪
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Check check check it out ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ Haa ♪
Check this out.
Khadijah is sitting
next to Terry Macmillan
at the women‐in‐media luncheon
and she didn't
even tell me about it.
Hmmm. Well, that
makes two surprises.
She didn't tell me either and
you're bringing our paper back.
'Hey, how come you
didn't tell me about this?'
You know, that you're
required to tell me everything
even if doesn't degrade
or shame someone.
Well, I'm so used to
you sniffin' stuff out
I just stopped telling you.
And here's something
else your radar missed.
Last Thursday, I gave a
speech at the mayor's mansion
bout New York City
sweatshops, thank you.
Now why would anybody
wanna hear about your bedroom?
Look at us.
Speeches and‐and
celebrity lunches and..
Acting.
Ah, pretty soon,
we'd all be so busy
we won't even know each other.
I can hardly wait.
Well, I guess I
have been so busy
coordinating fabulous weddings.
‐ Is that what you do?
‐ Yes, that's what I do.
I guess I have forgotten
the, the truly important things
in life like bragging
about ridin' in a cab
that Denzel just got out of.
Ooh, never has warm
vinyl felt so... magical.
What‐what happened, oh,
what happened to the days
when we used to share our lives?
And‐and share our
dreams over a big old tub
of rum raisin ice‐cream, mm.
Yeah, you know what,
we‐we should just go out
and kick it like we used to.
‐ Yes. ‐ Just the girls.
No Obie.
No man du jour.
No born ass diva talk.
‐ No "Flavor." ‐ Well, okay.
Alright, then they're
showcasing female comic
Saturday night at the Cafe.
I say we grab a table upfront
and let somebody else make
fun of Regine for a change.
Overton, string
cheese and pork rice
do not belong in
the same building
as sushi and shrimp, man.
Look here, Kyle.
If I charge my boys 20 bucks
for some bait and rice bowls
I'll be the laughing
stock of PD's plumbing.
Well, we wouldn't want PD
mocking us now, would we?
Here come the crew now.
Alright, now, here we go.
'Kyle!'
This is The Eclipse.
'This right here is
my man Red Rash.'
Well, I imagine they
call you The Eclipse
because of your size and..
I don't wanna imagine
why they call you Red Rash?
‐ Overton. ‐ Alright,
yeah, sky flow, baby.
‐ Cha ching. ‐ Overton,
can I speak to you?
‐ Yeah, what's up? ‐ Look, man.
I have invited my boss.
Could you have
invited your friends
who do not pick and scratch?
They comin' too.
Now you gonna love Big Snaky.
Sharp dresser.
Hey, uh..
‐ Hello, Kyle. ‐ Jeffrey.
I hope you don't mind. I
brought my nephews along.
This is Harvey and Nathaniel.
Okay. The more, the merrier.
Look, I've put together
a pallet‐pleasing
assortment of hors d'oeuvres.
I've even tracked down
an amusing bottle
of Montrachet '84.
Hey!
Twinkies!
I didn't see no Twinkies.
‐ Twinkies? ‐ Don't worry, Kyle.
They'll eat your little sushi.
All you gotta do is squeeze
some cheese on them.
So they call it a training bra
but what exactly is it trainin'?
And how do you
know when it's trained?
Oh, do I have juice or what?
Best table in the place
all because I stop in
for a snack sometimes.
Sometimes?
Max, they named the
sandwich after you.
Oh, yeah, Big Max.
Hey, ooh.
They got a dessert
named after me too.
Alright.
Uh, I hope my jokes don't
interfere with your readin'.
I hope your jokes don't
interfere with my appetite.
Oh, excuse me.
We didn't order this.
Oh, great.
Lenny, Squiggy and Potsie are
trying to mack us with snacks.
Alright, now this
happens to me all the time.
So just ignore them.
Hi, ladies, uh, my name is Eric
and uh, these are my boys Jerry
and my man Vince
over here and uh..
If sexy was Oreos, you'd
be double‐stuffed, baby.
And if corny was a crime,
you'd be on death row.
Beat it, come on, get up off me.
Sorry about my forward friend.
He doesn't know how to act
when he sees a table
full of beautiful women.
As attractive as I am..
We're not trying to
meet anybody, alright.
Oooh, chilly.
Are you as frosty as
your friend in the wig?
Come here, man.
Now I‐I realize that I
just, like, dissed you
but to drown your
sorrows in that
mnh‐mnh, come on,
bro, have some pride now.
I hate to burst your
bubble, but I'm engaged.
See, I'm a done deal.
I'm all locked up, brother.
And what's this strong
enough for a man
but made for a woman crap?
Why don't they just say strong
enough for a big smelly woman?
She needs some
deodorant for this act.
Either she goes or I go.
Alright, what do you
say we take a vote?
Uh, alright, that's it.
You'll never see me
in this place again.
I'm getting all
my food delivered.
'In my 30 years of
covering the street signs'
'this is the dullest
fight I've ever seen.'
You know, thank God,
the food is real good
but this slap fight isn't
worth my 20 bucks.
Twenty bucks?
What, they charge you more?
They're not charging
me anything.
Uh, Jeffrey, Jeffrey.
Look, um, have you
given any more thought
to who's gonna handle
the Hallowell account?
Well, as a matter of
fact, I've made a decision.
‐ Ohh, uh.. ‐ What?
Pork grinds. Uh, little
boy's room, where?
‐ End of the hall. ‐ Oh.
God speed.
All I wanna know is how
come I paid and the suit didn't?
Oh, everybody paid up and
went through you, right, Kyle?
In their own way, yes.
Oh, look, Bob Feller.
Oh, great, Regine.
Now if we wanna
talk to each other
all we need to do
is use a bullhorn.
Hey, Club Nexus is the
perfect spot for girls' night out.
Yeah, great music and
absolutely no men hitting on us.
And why aren't they
hitting on us? I look good.
Oh, oh, oh, wait now.
Finally, an oasis in
this city full of bros.
That voice.
‐ Russell. ‐ Sugar chest.
Boss lady.
Russell, if you're gay
you've been doing a
hell of a job hiding it.
Now that's for damn sure.
Shh. Step into my office.
I'm not gay, but these
folks are great tippers.
Especially when I
flash my winning smile.
Hello, Benny.
Plus, I have access
to straight women
who don't expect a
hetero Adonis in their midst.
‐ That works? ‐ The
proof is in the pudding.
Isn't that right, pudding cups?
Frankie, cover for me.
I'll get you Bette
Midler tickets.
Let's dance and Lord help you
if your not wearing a sports bra.
Russell, as classy
as that request was.
I, I would rather
bathe with a toaster.
Okay. Attention, please.
Russell is dancing.
Pardon me
but has anyone ever told
you that you are stunning.
‐ Not in this place. ‐ Hmm.
You know, you've done an
amazing job of hiding that stubble.
And your Adam's apple
is practically invisible.
Well, why in the hell would
I have a stubble? What..
Oh, oh, oh, so
you're really into
the role playing
thing, huh? Okay.
Listen, pal, I am a
natural born woman.
Never had a jockstrap.
Never got a prostate exam.
In fact I'm ovulating
as we speak.
A woman?
Thanks for wasting
my time, sicko.
Can you believe the ego?
I mean, just
hogging the spotlight
while a room full of
people watch in admiration.
I'm going out there.
Kyle, look here, man.
I did a little digging
and I realized none
of your guest paid.
If you don't come
up with 60 bucks.
Red Rash is gonna rub up on you.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, my
boss grubs gratis, alright?
Look, all I know
is your boy Jeffrey
makes about 12 grand a week
while The Eclipse hasn't
worked steady since July '81.
Look, need I remind
you that I just spent $400
on sushi, wine,
big screen rental
while you spent 32.50
on generic sodas
and discount ice, huh?
Jeffrey, Jeffrey,
how's your stomach?
It's better, but I banged my
head on the edge of the toilet.
‐ Where's an ice pack?
‐ Um, in the freezer.
There's a Ralph Lauren ice pack.
Why don't you finish
off that steak in there, too
while you're at it? It's
all yours and all free.
Well, at least my guests did
not descend on this apartment
like a pack of marauding Hun.
I didn't understand
that, but I didn't like it.
Well, basically, he calling
you a ravenous buffoon.
I'm still in the dark,
but I'm getting mad.
I would not expect
the plunger squad
from Paydes to understand.
Now that I get.
I'm ready to crack open
a can and whoop ass.
No. Look here,
man, you're my guest.
Allow me.
You know what, dawg, about
time for the hammer to meet the nail.
You feel a squirrely Kojak jump.
Oh. To the hallway, bruh?
‐ Let's go. ‐ Finally,
let's see a fight.
Yeah, about time.
Come on, you just
bought that time.
You can't talk about
my people like that.
‐ Come on. ‐ Yeah.
‐ Alright. ‐ Oh, what? Who?
Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.
I‐I‐I can't do this, man.
Damn! I hate it when
cooler heads prevail.
‐ Hit him, man. ‐
No, no, no, no, see.
I just can't thaw down
in my suede shirt.
Yeah!
‐ Come on out
this way. ‐ Alright.
No, hold on, this,
this is wrong, man.
I just replaced
these floorboards.
And I ain't messing
them up with your blood.
‐ To the street.
‐ To the street!
Hey, fellas, fellas,
you're missing it.
They came out throwing
haymakers in Hudson Jet
and they knocked each other down
and now they're
both trying to get up.
And there's a bell!
Oh, man, that's some real pain.
Kyle, uh, prize
fighting history's
been made upstairs, man.
So what? You gonna back
down like you did in third grade?
Huh, huh?
Nobody backed down.
As I recall, you
had a bloody nose
and I had a lump in my head.
Yeah, man, that bloody nose.
It messed up a
perfectly good tie too.
Yeah, my mom
had to let out my hat
to make room for the lump.
After we were put on
punishment for the whole summer
I thought we swore
we'd never fight again.
Yeah, but we broke that
promise in the tenth grade
when the same healthy senior
asked us both to the prom.
‐ Yeah. ‐ Hmm.
‐ Vanessa Edmonds.
‐ Vanessa Edmonds.
Boo‐yah!
Name two tools named
after their inventors.
Hey, uh, the Alan ranch.
I don't know, the lazy Susan.
I'd go with Philip screwdriver.
Hey, you're right! Thank you.
My ex‐boyfriend
Nolan is a handyman.
Really? So is my fiance.
Nolan taught me all about tools.
And then he left me
with nothing but memories
and an empty cocking gun.
Damn. Damn!
Let me tell you
something, brother.
You take that empty cocking gun
and you use it to seal
up that broken heart.
We cannot have the,
the moisture of depression
causing mildew in
your bathtub of hope.
‐ You're right. ‐ I know I am.
Girlfriend, you make
me feel like dancing.
Let's dance the night away.
Hey, Cayman Island.
Khadijah broke the
Super Slang records.
Oh, shoot, I just won 23 beers
and unlimited pretzels.
‐ Get at me. Get at me. ‐
Congratulations, Khadijah.
Hanks had the records
since the 4th of July.
I remember because
he was wearing
star spangled hot pants.
Kid Hank. This is my thing now.
‐ Oh, well, if it isn't
Hank. ‐ Khadijah.
Well, you better have a
whole purse full of quarters
if you plan on beatin' me.
It's on, sister.
♪ Let's make lots of money ♪
If Hank gets this one,
he'll beat your record.
Not if he sees that
run in his stocking.
That was not fair.
Uh.
Well, neither is the way
you're stretching out that skirt.
Barkeep, my beverages.
I should, I should
go with the girls.
Before you go..
Did you have a
good time tonight?
You promise not to tell anyone?
Cross my heart.
Or better yet, let
me cross your heart.
See.
See, I was about to say
I didn't have the
worst time in the world.
Now what did you
do? What did you do?
You ruined it.
Not the worst time in the world.
Where I come from, that's
as good as saying I love you.
Well, we're not in Jamaica.
I'm talking about the Bronx.
Come on, Regine,
our work is done.
‐ Alright, Russ. ‐ Bye, Russell.
So, uh, Jeff, is it,
um, safe to assume
you had a good time tonight?
Well, actually, it reminded me
of my days as a young man..
In Vietnam.
So it's safe to assume
that you're signing
the Hallowell account
to someone who didn't give
you flashbacks of Jungle warfare.
Kyle, I had a great time.
I ate my favorite foods,
I saw a wonderful fight
and Mr. Eclipse and I are going
to a monster truck
rally next week.
Son, you have the account.
‐ Yes. ‐ Alright.
It was so nice to
meet you, Mr. Overbite.
Okay.
See you, Jeff.
Well, as my Uncle
Tibby used to say.
"Just when you think the
tornado's gonna hit you
it turns and hit your
neighbors trailer instead."
If that's your way of saying
all's well that ends well
then I conquer, my brother.
And now is time for
my favorite nightcap.
Hot Synclaire!
See you now.
Oh, just ignore it.
You know, I meant to ask Hank
where he got them pumps from?
'Cause even in a size
14, they were fierce.
Oh, you know
something, you guys?
This is the perfect
place to bond.
It's just so homey.
Damn, they are persistent.
Let's just get rid of them.
‐ 'Yeah.' ‐ 'Yeah, sure.'
‐ Okay? ‐ 'Hmm.'
‐ Hey! ‐ Hey!
‐ What's up? What's
up? ‐ Hey, fellas.
We girls were having
a heated debate.
The topic, Does size matter?
Yeah, you know, we'd
love for you to join in.
I got a big day tomorrow.
Well, mine's bigger. Goodnight.
Uh, yeah, if anybody knows
how to get rid of men‐‐.
It's me, beat you to it.
I'm so glad we hung
out tonight, y'all.
You know, we gotta stay close.
Yes, we do and let's promise not
to let anything come between us.
Right. Not husbands,
not children, not careers.
Yeah, it's easy for
you to say, Regine.
Oh, I‐I'm sorry. I
forgot we are bonding.
Look, you are all
important to me.
Really.
And not just because
of the free cable.
You know what?
Why don't we do this
again next Saturday?
Oh, I can't.
‐ Saturday after that? ‐ Booked.
Oh, I'm busy the
weekend after that.
Well, I guess we
had to enjoy the night
'cause this will
never happen again.
To my girls!
‐ Alright, girls! ‐
To my girls! Yeah!
Woo‐hoo!