Living Single (1993–1998): Season 4, Episode 14 - The Clown That Roared - full transcript
Hello, my happy
housemates! I'm home!
'Regine, you are the most
connivin' person on the planet'
'Well, at least I don't think
I'm queen of the planet.'
'Let's set it on.'
Ooh, sounds like somethin'
salty is going on in the kitchen.
See, no, now, you only
care about three people.
‐ Oh! ‐ Regine, Regine!
And Regine's wig maker.
Well, if that were true,
would I be standing here
listening to you bark
like a harbor seal!
Oh! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Whoa, whoa, you two.
No, about that..
Regine stole grandma's
secret raisin cookie recipe
to win a contest.
Well, congratulations, Regine
and shame on you!
I didn't steal nothin'.
Now, this is my own recipe
for Regine's raisin smooches.
Taste this and tell me
that's not one of my mom's
raisin lumps.
Oh, oh, oh, wait,
now. That's a lump.
‐ Why are you lying,
Synclaire? ‐ You stole it!
Ladies! We're roommates!
We are friends!
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Hey hey ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ Ooh in a 90s kinda world ♪
♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪
♪ Keep your head up what?
Keep your head up that's right ♪
♪ Whenever this life
gets tough you gotta fight ♪
♪ With my home girls standing
to my left and my right ♪
♪ True blue it's
tight like glue ♪
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Check check check it out ♪
♪ Check check check it out ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ What you want
no free position girl ♪
♪ Haaa ♪
This is very pretty.
Hey, hey, hey!
Are you familiar with the show.
"Curly's Cartoon Caboose?"
Oh, I love that
adorable little moppet.
His taste in cartoons
is both whimsical and eclectic.
Well, look, I had a long talk
today with Jonathan Remington.
He's one of our
big money clients.
And his company
produces the show.
And check it out, it seems
they're havin' a hard time
finding a replacement
for Curly's sidekick.
Boxcar Bernie.
Boxcar Bernie's gone?
I loved that homeless clown.
Yeah, well, apparently
so did the prostitute
they found him with.
Anyway, I told him that my
good friend Synclairebelle
would be perfect for the part.
Yeah, baby, your
audition's on Monday.
‐ Oh, Kyle, are you
serious? ‐ Ha ha ha! Yes!
I get a real audition
on a real TV show?
‐ Yes! ‐ I don't know
how to thank you!
Oh! You alright,
man, you alright.
Um, I'd love to go with
you, my Harlequin honey
but, um, haven't
completely conquered
my fear of... clowns.
How come you're able
to watch Boxcar Bernie?
Oh, yeah, baby,
that's a TV clown.
Not like it could reach
through the screen
and rip out my soul.
No!
‐ Hey! ‐ You know, Regine.
My mom‐mom's
gonna be out all day
if you wanna go over
there and steal her
s‐s‐social security check.
Good and while I'm at her house
I'll steal her shawl
and her dentures..
Oh, and I'm sure
her heart medication
has a high street value.
Well, seems I've
taken a little trip
to Sarcastic Ville.
Look, I am right
and she is wrong.
And before she gives you
the twisted version of the facts.
Let me give you
the objective story.
Smooches!
‐ Uh. ‐ Khadijah.
I know that you've taken my turn
vacuuming every week
since I've been here.
But you're not doing as
thorough a job as I would do
if I did it.
Oh, fair enough!
I'll redo it as soon
as I take your turn
scrubbin' the floors.
Hey, listen..
How can I make my
raisin cookies better
to win this baking contest?
Do you have any
ideas I can call my own?
Well.. My mom‐mom
puts prune juice
in her raisin cookies.
But don't steal her recipe.
I repeat!
"Don't steal her recipe."
Oh, Khadijah..
Me steal your mom‐mom's recipe?
Oh‐oh!
Ho, ho, ho, ho!
Hee, hee, hee, hee.
Ho, ho, ho, ho!
Ha!
Hey, people!
I'm too lazy to go to the store
to get my own plum sauce.
It's good to know I can
sponge off of you two
without ever havin'
to pay you back.
Suckers!
Mmm!
Nothin' says lovin'
like something stolen
from grandma's oven.
And that's exactly
how it happened.
Khadijah, it pains
me to say this
but, girl, you
know you're lyin'.
You know good and well Max
ain't never rolled up in this house
with her own food.
Man, I sure wish Obie
could've come with me.
He usually calms my nerves.
Oh, maybe I can
fill his work boots.
Uh, what does he usually
do to calm you down?
Oh, he makes jokes about you.
Howdy, Barker.
How you doin', Mr. Remington?
I am as happy as a rooster
in a house full of horny hens.
You must be Synclairebelle.
I'm John Remington.
Hey, Mr. Remington.
I wanna tell you that I take
my clowning business
very seriously.
Now, oh not serious
as in nobody's laughing.
But serious as in this is..
Oh, can I have this job..
Please?
Little lady, I don't care if you
eat a live chicken on stage.
Curly likes you, you're in.
Oh!
Well, okay, that's..
All I gotta do is
get Curly to like me.
And that cute, little boy..
‐ Oh, he likes everybody.
‐ Mm‐hmm. Yeah!
There is no way I'm having
Sherry Lewis on my show.
I mean, the woman walks around
with her hand up a sheep's butt.
'Oh! Synclairebelle.'
‐ I'm Lenny, the
director. ‐ Yes.
‐ Are you ready? ‐
I'm a little nervous.
‐ Uh.. ‐ Don't let
Curly rattle you.
He's just a child.
Let's go! I'm growing
chest hair over here.
One more payment on
my Jaguar. I'm outta here.
Right.
Uh..
Well, hiya, Mr. Curly
I'm Synclairebelle.
And I'm bored.
Get on with it.
Yes! Well, okay.
Why did the chicken
cross the road?
‐ Why? ‐ What do I look like?
A crossing guard for poultry?
That's corny. All
kids love corny.
‐ 'Yeah!' ‐ Do me another one.
Uh, knock, knock!
‐ Who's there? ‐
What're you blind?
There's no door between us.
‐ Do it again.
Do it again. ‐ Oh!
Uh, uh..
Uh, how many dogs
does it take to screw in
a light bulb?
‐ I don't know. ‐ None!
Dogs don't have thumbs, dummy.
You know what, Synclairebelle
you got the job.
And if you call me
"dummy" one more time
I'll break your thumbs.
Surely, right.
You know, Overton, I thought
you were over this clown thing.
But if you want me to
do the word association
I'll, I'll do it.
You ready?
Dog.
Cat!
‐ Up. ‐ Down.
‐ Clown. ‐ Faces of evil.
‐ Car. ‐ Filled
with evil clowns.
Look what I got!
I cashed in my
gift certificate I got
for winning the baking contest.
Look, it's a cashmere apron.
That says, "Kiss
me, I'm the rich cook."
You may as well go
ahead and gift wrap it
because that belongs
to my momma.
'She's right, Regine.'
Considering you used
mom‐mom's recipe.
While wearing an
inappropriate cocktail frock.
I see Miss Khadijah
has been spreading
her distorted version
of the event in question.
Let me tell you what
really happened.
Khadijah, I know it
was your turn to vacuum
but I went ahead
and did it anyway.
Is that the new
issue of "Flavor?"
Uh‐huh, true that, true that.
Yo, word, every
page in here is fly.
And page seven? Fly the most.
Like, hot butter toast.
You know what I'm sayin'?
So, what's up money?
Well, I'm baking raisin cookies
for a contest at my church.
Just another one of my
charitable,
spiritual activities.
Oh, yeah, yeah, whatever!
Yo! Check it!
If you in it to win it do
like my mom‐moms.
Throw in some prune juice.
My mommy puttin'
her foot all up in it.
Oh! Perish the
thought, Khadijah.
Why, I would never steal
from your mom‐mom.
Oh, well, that's,
that's as far into me
as, as demon gossip.
Yo!
Speaking of winnin'..
You know I have a great career
and you don't.
Plus, I date a doctor.
And you? You don't
even have a boyfriend.
God bless you,
my hip hop friend.
Wohoo!
Hey, people!
I'm too lazy to go to the store
to get my own plum sauce.
It's good to know I can
sponge off of you two
without ever havin'
to pay you back.
Suckers.
Mm.
Lord, I thank you
for the gift of baking.
Now, that's what happened.
Regine, I do not talk like that.
Your story is whack.
Now, I know you're
not calling me a liar.
You better give my mom‐mom
credit for those cookies.
Fine! You're right.
I will give her credit.
Oh, damn! There
I go lying again.
Lenny!
You know I don't allow
any kids on my set.
Except for the bleachers.
They might touch me.
That's Steve Keppy.
He's the president
of your fan club.
Oh!
Steve!
Uh..
Nice to see you again.
Hey, maybe later we can
play a little Hacky Sack.
Bounce him.
Twenty seconds, everybody.
Lenny!
What monkey painted this crap?
Rita, the orphan,
the show sponsors.
Oh! I'm sorry.
Did I say "Monkey?"
I meant, talentless,
parentless monkey.
Lose it!
But I told her we'd
show her paintings.
Well, show her your pink slip
because you're fired!
Hey, Curly.
You can't fire the director!
Listen, you circus reject.
This is "Curly's
Cartoon Caboose."
I can do anything I want.
The only reason he's the
director in the first place
is because he's my father.
Oh, man, turn it up,
here come my baby.
You pint sized dictator
I've got a mind to
take you over my knees
and spank your behind,
you little freckle face.
Oh! Hello!
Clown!
Bad!
Yell at children!
Obie. Synclaire's back!
'Clown!'
Overton, she has
taken off the make‐up.
What happened,
baby. Did they fire you?
I didn't give 'em the chance.
Soon as I heard
the opening strings
of Snagglepuss I
exited stage right.
Yeah, well, thanks
to your little outburst
my firm may lose
Remington's millions.
And I will be shunned by
upper and lower echelons alike.
The elevator operator
will no longer say.
"Fourteenth floor, Mr. Barker."
Oh, no, no, hell, no.
We'll just ride in icy silence.
Well, I'm, I'm sure my
baby had good reason
to humiliate a loveable
12‐yeur‐old kid on TV.
There was no excuse
for my behavior.
All Curly did was boot an
innocent kid into the gutter
fire his father and
make fun of an orphan.
Shoot, if I woulda
acted like that
my mother woulda
had a long talk with me.
And I'm not talking
about the kinda talk
that involves talkin'.
Is this how I'm gonna
be with my child?
I mean, scream at him at
the slightest provocation?
Oh, baby, our twins.
Syncloverton and..
Overclaire.
They'll have more
respect for authority, baby.
I'll get that.
Yeah, but with names like that
whose gonna have
any respect for them?
Yes! I'll be there!
They want me back!
‐ Oh! ‐ They want me back!
Oh! Oh!
Once Curly dried his tears
he told Lenny that my honesty
was like a breath of fresh air.
He's even gonna give
Lenny his job back.
Oh, but, bad news, Khadijah.
I might not be able to
come to work tomorrow.
You'll be missed.
Alright, you, now I have
baked my cookies again
to prove to you, that I did not
steal your mom‐mom's recipe.
You'll find not one
trace of prune juice
and yet they taste exactly..
‐ Different. ‐ I
stand corrected.
You're not a thief,
you're a lousy thief.
What the hell do you want?
To use your plum sauce
and for you to move to Alaska.
Max, you're spillin' that sauce
over Regine's cookies dough!
Sorry.
Sorry.
When was the last
time you had Moo Shu?
Last night.
About 3 a. m.
'No, before that.'
Oh, my goodness,
uh, two days ago.
Wait a minute, that's it.
You dripped that
stuff into my dough.
That's where the
prune flavor came from.
Oh!
Got any Chinese mustard?
You know, Khadijah,
nothing says, I'm sorry
like a Valentino gown.
You can't blame me
for thinkin' you did it.
It's not like you above
pulling a quick okey‐doke.
Oh. Foo‐foo Poupon.
Chinese mustard!
You name one time I
pulled an okey‐doke.
Last week when it was
your turn to do the laundry.
You rubbed Bounce over it
and folded it back up.
And I thought you
had faith in me.
Well, how about I
just move into a sewer
with a band of pickpockets, huh?
At least they'll trust me.
I'll help you pack.
Alright, let me settle this.
Regine.
You're feelings are hurt
because Khadijah
accused you of lying.
Khadijah, you accused
Regine of lying because she lies.
Easy solution.
Regine, don't lie.
Khadijah, don't care.
Now.
Now that I've..
Solved the mystery of the, uh
pruny smooches.
Can I please get
some Chinese mustard?
Hey, wait, wait, wait. Hold up.
You come up in the house
spilling the sauce
all in the dough..
Start this big fight
between Regine and I.
And you're telling us
how to respect
each other's space?
Well, someone's gotta be the
voice of reason in this house.
And, look..
If you expect me to go out
and get some Chinese mustard
I'm gonna need some money.
Oh, Obie
it means so much to
me that you came down
despite your fear of clowns.
Oh, my bodacious bozo.
My love for you is much
stronger than any old phobia.
Aw!
Clown! Clown!
I‐I got this,
Synclaire, I got this.
Yeah, alright! Man,
check it out, check it out.
I've kept Remington as a client.
Yeah, I told him that
Synclairebelle's outburst
was an isolated incident
and that she was
much too professional
to ever let it happen again.
‐ Oh! ‐ Barker!
I hope you're right
about that clown
being back on her medication.
And we're on in
five four, three, two..
Hey, kids!
And hop on to "Curly's
Cartoon Caboose."
I'm Curly and this is
Synclairebelle the Clown.
Woo! Woo!
Hey, down! Wow, woo! Woo! Woo!
Hiya, kids!
Hi!
Hello, Curly.
Why, these are for you.
Presto‐chango.
What do you mean,
"Presto chango?"
You had 'em stashed
up your sleeve.
Fine.
Yes! Well, now it's time
for magic trick number one.
Ta‐da!
‐ 'Yes!' ‐ Da da. Da da da.
Da da da da, dada‐da.
See the egg and
now you don't, hey.
‐ Presto‐chango. ‐ Yeah!
Presto‐lamo.
Sorry Synclairebelle is such
a big disappointment, kids.
But when we come
back from this commercial
we're gonna play a little
game of Simon Says.
And we're not gonna let
Synclairebelle mess it up.
‐ Are we? ‐ No!
And we're clear.
Why'd you do that?
It's not fun being humiliated
in front of everyone, is it?
Well, I'm just getting started,
you daisy‐headed freak.
I'll see he's never going
to make it to puberty
that Choo‐Choo Charlie..
Baby, look, I ain't
never hit a kid before
but you say the word
on his 18th birthday..
Booyah!
Oh, that's okay, Overton.
Look, look, Synclaire, don't
feel you have to take this abuse
just because of me, alright?
Yeah, that account might
mean millions to his firm
but it is not
worth your dignity.
Right, Kyle?
Of course, not.
Um, you've never seen a
million dollars in one place
have you, Overton?
Oh, thanks, Kyle.
If somebody doesn't
stand up to him
he's gonna grow up to
be arrogant, disrespectful
and whiny.
And we're back in five..
Four, three, two..
Hey, kids!
Now, it's time to
play "Simon Says."
That right, Simon says
put your hand on your head.
Synclairebelle?
I'm Simon.
I'm always Simon.
Well, of course you are.
But you're the one that told
me that it's fair to take turns.
So, Simon says, put
your hand on your head.
Oh, very good, Curly.
And now Simon says,
dance like a ballerina.
Aw, come on, Curly,
you know the rules.
Dance like a ballerina.
Bravo, Baryshnikov!
But I didn't say
Simon says, you lose!
You lose!
Alright, you're through.
Get off my stage, you jackass.
Oh!
Hey, boys and girls.
Curly is just showing
you the way not to act.
Aren't you, Curly?
Alright!
‐ Ha ha ha. ‐ Let's
watch a cartoon.
‐ Yeah! ‐ Let's watch a cartoon.
What the hell was that?
I'm tryin' to teach you
something, young man.
If you don't like
being treated badly
then maybe you shouldn't
do it to other people, got it?
Get this..
Simon says you're fired!
‐ Wait a minute, Curly! ‐ What?
Man, I can't let
it end like this.
Now, I can end it!
Ah!
Woo‐hoo!
housemates! I'm home!
'Regine, you are the most
connivin' person on the planet'
'Well, at least I don't think
I'm queen of the planet.'
'Let's set it on.'
Ooh, sounds like somethin'
salty is going on in the kitchen.
See, no, now, you only
care about three people.
‐ Oh! ‐ Regine, Regine!
And Regine's wig maker.
Well, if that were true,
would I be standing here
listening to you bark
like a harbor seal!
Oh! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Whoa, whoa, you two.
No, about that..
Regine stole grandma's
secret raisin cookie recipe
to win a contest.
Well, congratulations, Regine
and shame on you!
I didn't steal nothin'.
Now, this is my own recipe
for Regine's raisin smooches.
Taste this and tell me
that's not one of my mom's
raisin lumps.
Oh, oh, oh, wait,
now. That's a lump.
‐ Why are you lying,
Synclaire? ‐ You stole it!
Ladies! We're roommates!
We are friends!
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Hey hey ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ Ooh in a 90s kinda world ♪
♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪
♪ Keep your head up what?
Keep your head up that's right ♪
♪ Whenever this life
gets tough you gotta fight ♪
♪ With my home girls standing
to my left and my right ♪
♪ True blue it's
tight like glue ♪
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Check check check it out ♪
♪ Check check check it out ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ What you want
no free position girl ♪
♪ Haaa ♪
This is very pretty.
Hey, hey, hey!
Are you familiar with the show.
"Curly's Cartoon Caboose?"
Oh, I love that
adorable little moppet.
His taste in cartoons
is both whimsical and eclectic.
Well, look, I had a long talk
today with Jonathan Remington.
He's one of our
big money clients.
And his company
produces the show.
And check it out, it seems
they're havin' a hard time
finding a replacement
for Curly's sidekick.
Boxcar Bernie.
Boxcar Bernie's gone?
I loved that homeless clown.
Yeah, well, apparently
so did the prostitute
they found him with.
Anyway, I told him that my
good friend Synclairebelle
would be perfect for the part.
Yeah, baby, your
audition's on Monday.
‐ Oh, Kyle, are you
serious? ‐ Ha ha ha! Yes!
I get a real audition
on a real TV show?
‐ Yes! ‐ I don't know
how to thank you!
Oh! You alright,
man, you alright.
Um, I'd love to go with
you, my Harlequin honey
but, um, haven't
completely conquered
my fear of... clowns.
How come you're able
to watch Boxcar Bernie?
Oh, yeah, baby,
that's a TV clown.
Not like it could reach
through the screen
and rip out my soul.
No!
‐ Hey! ‐ You know, Regine.
My mom‐mom's
gonna be out all day
if you wanna go over
there and steal her
s‐s‐social security check.
Good and while I'm at her house
I'll steal her shawl
and her dentures..
Oh, and I'm sure
her heart medication
has a high street value.
Well, seems I've
taken a little trip
to Sarcastic Ville.
Look, I am right
and she is wrong.
And before she gives you
the twisted version of the facts.
Let me give you
the objective story.
Smooches!
‐ Uh. ‐ Khadijah.
I know that you've taken my turn
vacuuming every week
since I've been here.
But you're not doing as
thorough a job as I would do
if I did it.
Oh, fair enough!
I'll redo it as soon
as I take your turn
scrubbin' the floors.
Hey, listen..
How can I make my
raisin cookies better
to win this baking contest?
Do you have any
ideas I can call my own?
Well.. My mom‐mom
puts prune juice
in her raisin cookies.
But don't steal her recipe.
I repeat!
"Don't steal her recipe."
Oh, Khadijah..
Me steal your mom‐mom's recipe?
Oh‐oh!
Ho, ho, ho, ho!
Hee, hee, hee, hee.
Ho, ho, ho, ho!
Ha!
Hey, people!
I'm too lazy to go to the store
to get my own plum sauce.
It's good to know I can
sponge off of you two
without ever havin'
to pay you back.
Suckers!
Mmm!
Nothin' says lovin'
like something stolen
from grandma's oven.
And that's exactly
how it happened.
Khadijah, it pains
me to say this
but, girl, you
know you're lyin'.
You know good and well Max
ain't never rolled up in this house
with her own food.
Man, I sure wish Obie
could've come with me.
He usually calms my nerves.
Oh, maybe I can
fill his work boots.
Uh, what does he usually
do to calm you down?
Oh, he makes jokes about you.
Howdy, Barker.
How you doin', Mr. Remington?
I am as happy as a rooster
in a house full of horny hens.
You must be Synclairebelle.
I'm John Remington.
Hey, Mr. Remington.
I wanna tell you that I take
my clowning business
very seriously.
Now, oh not serious
as in nobody's laughing.
But serious as in this is..
Oh, can I have this job..
Please?
Little lady, I don't care if you
eat a live chicken on stage.
Curly likes you, you're in.
Oh!
Well, okay, that's..
All I gotta do is
get Curly to like me.
And that cute, little boy..
‐ Oh, he likes everybody.
‐ Mm‐hmm. Yeah!
There is no way I'm having
Sherry Lewis on my show.
I mean, the woman walks around
with her hand up a sheep's butt.
'Oh! Synclairebelle.'
‐ I'm Lenny, the
director. ‐ Yes.
‐ Are you ready? ‐
I'm a little nervous.
‐ Uh.. ‐ Don't let
Curly rattle you.
He's just a child.
Let's go! I'm growing
chest hair over here.
One more payment on
my Jaguar. I'm outta here.
Right.
Uh..
Well, hiya, Mr. Curly
I'm Synclairebelle.
And I'm bored.
Get on with it.
Yes! Well, okay.
Why did the chicken
cross the road?
‐ Why? ‐ What do I look like?
A crossing guard for poultry?
That's corny. All
kids love corny.
‐ 'Yeah!' ‐ Do me another one.
Uh, knock, knock!
‐ Who's there? ‐
What're you blind?
There's no door between us.
‐ Do it again.
Do it again. ‐ Oh!
Uh, uh..
Uh, how many dogs
does it take to screw in
a light bulb?
‐ I don't know. ‐ None!
Dogs don't have thumbs, dummy.
You know what, Synclairebelle
you got the job.
And if you call me
"dummy" one more time
I'll break your thumbs.
Surely, right.
You know, Overton, I thought
you were over this clown thing.
But if you want me to
do the word association
I'll, I'll do it.
You ready?
Dog.
Cat!
‐ Up. ‐ Down.
‐ Clown. ‐ Faces of evil.
‐ Car. ‐ Filled
with evil clowns.
Look what I got!
I cashed in my
gift certificate I got
for winning the baking contest.
Look, it's a cashmere apron.
That says, "Kiss
me, I'm the rich cook."
You may as well go
ahead and gift wrap it
because that belongs
to my momma.
'She's right, Regine.'
Considering you used
mom‐mom's recipe.
While wearing an
inappropriate cocktail frock.
I see Miss Khadijah
has been spreading
her distorted version
of the event in question.
Let me tell you what
really happened.
Khadijah, I know it
was your turn to vacuum
but I went ahead
and did it anyway.
Is that the new
issue of "Flavor?"
Uh‐huh, true that, true that.
Yo, word, every
page in here is fly.
And page seven? Fly the most.
Like, hot butter toast.
You know what I'm sayin'?
So, what's up money?
Well, I'm baking raisin cookies
for a contest at my church.
Just another one of my
charitable,
spiritual activities.
Oh, yeah, yeah, whatever!
Yo! Check it!
If you in it to win it do
like my mom‐moms.
Throw in some prune juice.
My mommy puttin'
her foot all up in it.
Oh! Perish the
thought, Khadijah.
Why, I would never steal
from your mom‐mom.
Oh, well, that's,
that's as far into me
as, as demon gossip.
Yo!
Speaking of winnin'..
You know I have a great career
and you don't.
Plus, I date a doctor.
And you? You don't
even have a boyfriend.
God bless you,
my hip hop friend.
Wohoo!
Hey, people!
I'm too lazy to go to the store
to get my own plum sauce.
It's good to know I can
sponge off of you two
without ever havin'
to pay you back.
Suckers.
Mm.
Lord, I thank you
for the gift of baking.
Now, that's what happened.
Regine, I do not talk like that.
Your story is whack.
Now, I know you're
not calling me a liar.
You better give my mom‐mom
credit for those cookies.
Fine! You're right.
I will give her credit.
Oh, damn! There
I go lying again.
Lenny!
You know I don't allow
any kids on my set.
Except for the bleachers.
They might touch me.
That's Steve Keppy.
He's the president
of your fan club.
Oh!
Steve!
Uh..
Nice to see you again.
Hey, maybe later we can
play a little Hacky Sack.
Bounce him.
Twenty seconds, everybody.
Lenny!
What monkey painted this crap?
Rita, the orphan,
the show sponsors.
Oh! I'm sorry.
Did I say "Monkey?"
I meant, talentless,
parentless monkey.
Lose it!
But I told her we'd
show her paintings.
Well, show her your pink slip
because you're fired!
Hey, Curly.
You can't fire the director!
Listen, you circus reject.
This is "Curly's
Cartoon Caboose."
I can do anything I want.
The only reason he's the
director in the first place
is because he's my father.
Oh, man, turn it up,
here come my baby.
You pint sized dictator
I've got a mind to
take you over my knees
and spank your behind,
you little freckle face.
Oh! Hello!
Clown!
Bad!
Yell at children!
Obie. Synclaire's back!
'Clown!'
Overton, she has
taken off the make‐up.
What happened,
baby. Did they fire you?
I didn't give 'em the chance.
Soon as I heard
the opening strings
of Snagglepuss I
exited stage right.
Yeah, well, thanks
to your little outburst
my firm may lose
Remington's millions.
And I will be shunned by
upper and lower echelons alike.
The elevator operator
will no longer say.
"Fourteenth floor, Mr. Barker."
Oh, no, no, hell, no.
We'll just ride in icy silence.
Well, I'm, I'm sure my
baby had good reason
to humiliate a loveable
12‐yeur‐old kid on TV.
There was no excuse
for my behavior.
All Curly did was boot an
innocent kid into the gutter
fire his father and
make fun of an orphan.
Shoot, if I woulda
acted like that
my mother woulda
had a long talk with me.
And I'm not talking
about the kinda talk
that involves talkin'.
Is this how I'm gonna
be with my child?
I mean, scream at him at
the slightest provocation?
Oh, baby, our twins.
Syncloverton and..
Overclaire.
They'll have more
respect for authority, baby.
I'll get that.
Yeah, but with names like that
whose gonna have
any respect for them?
Yes! I'll be there!
They want me back!
‐ Oh! ‐ They want me back!
Oh! Oh!
Once Curly dried his tears
he told Lenny that my honesty
was like a breath of fresh air.
He's even gonna give
Lenny his job back.
Oh, but, bad news, Khadijah.
I might not be able to
come to work tomorrow.
You'll be missed.
Alright, you, now I have
baked my cookies again
to prove to you, that I did not
steal your mom‐mom's recipe.
You'll find not one
trace of prune juice
and yet they taste exactly..
‐ Different. ‐ I
stand corrected.
You're not a thief,
you're a lousy thief.
What the hell do you want?
To use your plum sauce
and for you to move to Alaska.
Max, you're spillin' that sauce
over Regine's cookies dough!
Sorry.
Sorry.
When was the last
time you had Moo Shu?
Last night.
About 3 a. m.
'No, before that.'
Oh, my goodness,
uh, two days ago.
Wait a minute, that's it.
You dripped that
stuff into my dough.
That's where the
prune flavor came from.
Oh!
Got any Chinese mustard?
You know, Khadijah,
nothing says, I'm sorry
like a Valentino gown.
You can't blame me
for thinkin' you did it.
It's not like you above
pulling a quick okey‐doke.
Oh. Foo‐foo Poupon.
Chinese mustard!
You name one time I
pulled an okey‐doke.
Last week when it was
your turn to do the laundry.
You rubbed Bounce over it
and folded it back up.
And I thought you
had faith in me.
Well, how about I
just move into a sewer
with a band of pickpockets, huh?
At least they'll trust me.
I'll help you pack.
Alright, let me settle this.
Regine.
You're feelings are hurt
because Khadijah
accused you of lying.
Khadijah, you accused
Regine of lying because she lies.
Easy solution.
Regine, don't lie.
Khadijah, don't care.
Now.
Now that I've..
Solved the mystery of the, uh
pruny smooches.
Can I please get
some Chinese mustard?
Hey, wait, wait, wait. Hold up.
You come up in the house
spilling the sauce
all in the dough..
Start this big fight
between Regine and I.
And you're telling us
how to respect
each other's space?
Well, someone's gotta be the
voice of reason in this house.
And, look..
If you expect me to go out
and get some Chinese mustard
I'm gonna need some money.
Oh, Obie
it means so much to
me that you came down
despite your fear of clowns.
Oh, my bodacious bozo.
My love for you is much
stronger than any old phobia.
Aw!
Clown! Clown!
I‐I got this,
Synclaire, I got this.
Yeah, alright! Man,
check it out, check it out.
I've kept Remington as a client.
Yeah, I told him that
Synclairebelle's outburst
was an isolated incident
and that she was
much too professional
to ever let it happen again.
‐ Oh! ‐ Barker!
I hope you're right
about that clown
being back on her medication.
And we're on in
five four, three, two..
Hey, kids!
And hop on to "Curly's
Cartoon Caboose."
I'm Curly and this is
Synclairebelle the Clown.
Woo! Woo!
Hey, down! Wow, woo! Woo! Woo!
Hiya, kids!
Hi!
Hello, Curly.
Why, these are for you.
Presto‐chango.
What do you mean,
"Presto chango?"
You had 'em stashed
up your sleeve.
Fine.
Yes! Well, now it's time
for magic trick number one.
Ta‐da!
‐ 'Yes!' ‐ Da da. Da da da.
Da da da da, dada‐da.
See the egg and
now you don't, hey.
‐ Presto‐chango. ‐ Yeah!
Presto‐lamo.
Sorry Synclairebelle is such
a big disappointment, kids.
But when we come
back from this commercial
we're gonna play a little
game of Simon Says.
And we're not gonna let
Synclairebelle mess it up.
‐ Are we? ‐ No!
And we're clear.
Why'd you do that?
It's not fun being humiliated
in front of everyone, is it?
Well, I'm just getting started,
you daisy‐headed freak.
I'll see he's never going
to make it to puberty
that Choo‐Choo Charlie..
Baby, look, I ain't
never hit a kid before
but you say the word
on his 18th birthday..
Booyah!
Oh, that's okay, Overton.
Look, look, Synclaire, don't
feel you have to take this abuse
just because of me, alright?
Yeah, that account might
mean millions to his firm
but it is not
worth your dignity.
Right, Kyle?
Of course, not.
Um, you've never seen a
million dollars in one place
have you, Overton?
Oh, thanks, Kyle.
If somebody doesn't
stand up to him
he's gonna grow up to
be arrogant, disrespectful
and whiny.
And we're back in five..
Four, three, two..
Hey, kids!
Now, it's time to
play "Simon Says."
That right, Simon says
put your hand on your head.
Synclairebelle?
I'm Simon.
I'm always Simon.
Well, of course you are.
But you're the one that told
me that it's fair to take turns.
So, Simon says, put
your hand on your head.
Oh, very good, Curly.
And now Simon says,
dance like a ballerina.
Aw, come on, Curly,
you know the rules.
Dance like a ballerina.
Bravo, Baryshnikov!
But I didn't say
Simon says, you lose!
You lose!
Alright, you're through.
Get off my stage, you jackass.
Oh!
Hey, boys and girls.
Curly is just showing
you the way not to act.
Aren't you, Curly?
Alright!
‐ Ha ha ha. ‐ Let's
watch a cartoon.
‐ Yeah! ‐ Let's watch a cartoon.
What the hell was that?
I'm tryin' to teach you
something, young man.
If you don't like
being treated badly
then maybe you shouldn't
do it to other people, got it?
Get this..
Simon says you're fired!
‐ Wait a minute, Curly! ‐ What?
Man, I can't let
it end like this.
Now, I can end it!
Ah!
Woo‐hoo!