Living Single (1993–1998): Season 4, Episode 10 - Virgin Territory - full transcript
Okay, here are all my
warm Minnesota clothes.
Let's see if we can
find you something
to keep you toasty
on the slopes.
Synclaire, Charles
and I are going skiing
not to terrorize the
land of misfit toys.
‐ Fine. What else is
in here? ‐ Aha, see.
Now this is what
I'm talkin' about.
Alright, here we go.
‐ Yeah. ‐ Lookin' good.
What the hell is
this? What is this?
Oh, snap, my retainer.
Hey, Synclaire.
Eskimo Joe.
Khadijah and Charles
are going skiing
at Sugarbush next weekend.
Oh, no. Unh‐unh.
I am not about to
let my best friend
go to Vermont's
exclusive ski resort
looking like Bigfoot
at a tag sale.
Let me take you shoppin'.
Bump that. This stuff
might be ugly, but it's free.
Khadija, allow me
to introduce to you
a little practice I like
to call return churn.
You buy what you
need for the weekend
and then return it.
That's stealing, missy.
Oh, no, no, no.
Besides, how's Khadijah gonna
look skiing down the slopes
with a bunch of tags
flapping in the wind?
That's ridiculous. Come on.
She can take them off
and when she is done, I
will simply put them back on.
Have you ever paid full
price for anything in your life?
Yes. This.
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ Ooh and in a
'90s kind of world ♪
♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪
♪ Oh keep your head up what?
Keep your head up that's right ♪
♪ Whenever this life
gets tough you gotta fight ♪
♪ With my homegirls standing
to my left and my right ♪
♪ True blue it's
tight like glue ♪
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Check check check it out ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ Haa ♪
Oh, I throw the
best dinner parties.
I throw the best dinner parties.
So let me help you with that.
'Cause, you know, I
can scrub a dish so clean
you wanna eat off of it.
Well, if you want, but,
uh, I got energy to burn.
Mm, well, vacuuming
does that for me.
Gary is pretty
hot in the kitchen.
How's he in other rooms?
Girl, there's somethin'
wrong with him.
I mean, I mean,
he's sweet, he's nice
but he lacks a
certain spiritual depth.
You ain't done a
freaky sneaky yet?
We ain't done squat.
Well, look at the bright side.
At least you get to watch
Regine mope around
'cause she don't
even got a date.
I heard that.
And I do not date.
I audition life mates.
What?
Tonight's hopeful told me
that he was an
agricultural scientist
and then Overton
spotted him stacking fruit
in the produce section.
‐ Good lookin' out. ‐
Hey, hit the rock, girl.
Look at it this way.
A guy have full medical coverage
and you'd never
want for cantaloupes.
And I thought this
doorway led to the hallway
not heaven.
If I'm not mistaken
you Jeff Blake from
the Cincinnati Bengals.
What's up, bro?
‐ Yo. Hey, man. ‐ What's up?
Hey.
Is this Spike Lee's party?
Uh‐huh.
Come on in.
Crudite.
Canopy.
Long‐term relationship, eh?
Look here, man, pay no
attention to the tiny temptress.
Um, Spike Lee live about a
block and a half down the road.
Matter of fact, I just
saw John Madden
pull up in a limo
about an hour ago.
‐ Thanks, man. ‐ No, no, oh.
No, no, no, you, ah!
Thanks a lot, Overton. You
just sent away a prime candidate.
The man's married and
he lives in Cincinnati, okay?
Minor hurdles.
Can I get anybody anything else?
Oh, no, thanks, Gary. I'm
so full I'm sweating gravy.
Well, this is so much fun.
We have Max and
Gary, Kyle and Carmel
and Khadijah and Charles
and me and Obie,
and Regine and oh, oh..
Well, you know,
you're not really alone.
You're just the star of
your own one‐woman show.
You're going to hell!
Well, Regine is
such a trendsetter.
Would anybody else like to
get the hell out of my house?
Maxine, always
the gracious host.
Okay, we're gonna be
leaving and leave you two
to your own devices
and I do mean devices.
Come on, honey.
Well, mama, let's go someplace
where we can get naked
and nobody will stare.
‐ Oh, I'll stare, daddy. ‐ Mm.
Goodnight.
Well, I'd, uh, like to thank
you for a wonderful evening.
I mean, right up to the
part when you told us
to get the hell out.
You..
Baby, would you like
some help with the dishes?
Oh, no, no, no, I'll just
give 'em back to Khadijah
in the morning. Come
here, come here, come here.
Mm.
‐ Mm, that feels
great. ‐ Oh, yeah?
‐ Yeah. ‐ How about this?
Mmm.
Ooh.
Unfortunately, I gotta go.
Well, you wouldn't
wanna derail the career
of a young barrister, would you?
Derail, no, but I wouldn't mind
if you pulled into
the station for a while.
Ladies and gentlemen
put your hands together
and welcome Khadijah.
'Watch out for that tree.'
James!
Race you to the lodge.
Well, well, well.
Don't we look
stylish and deceitful?
Exactly how much did you spend?
Well, put it like this.
Visa sent me flowers.
Now, Khadijah, remember,
in order to get a full refund
you've got to be
very careful, alright?
Don't fall, avoid rocks
and if you must
go to the bathroom
take your suit all
the way off and hold it
above your head with both hands.
Oh!
‐ Hi, sexy. ‐ Ah.
Oh, sookie‐sookie now.
Girl, you look like a
big old bumblebee.
Give me some honey.
Look at you.
Yeah.
So you got all your ski stuff?
Oh, yeah, yeah, my ACE bandages
uh, heating pad,
ice pack, neck brace
crutches, wheelchair..
Everything I need
for the great outdoor.
Are we going to
Vermont or to the Bronx?
See, it's gonna be
great having you along.
See, usually it's just me
and my single doctor friends
hangin' around that old lodge.
Single? Doctors?
‐ Hanging? ‐ See ya.
No, come on.
Mm, you're not
a bad cook at all.
That Lobster Newburg
was perfectly done.
Mm‐hmm, if you want seconds
I can throw another
pouch into the pot
while the water's boiling.
There's really only
one thing I want
after a romantic
dinner like that.
I've been thinkin'
that maybe it's time
we take our relationship
to a whole new level.
My elevator button
says penthouse.
I've been lookin' for someone
like you for such a long time.
Yeah, it's been a long
time for me, too, brother.
‐ Max. ‐ Yes.
Yes, yes.
You're the perfect
woman to take my virginity.
Huh, ooh.
A virgin?
Sacrifice me on your altar.
Thanks for coming over.
Glad you enjoyed dinner.
See you later. Bye‐bye.
A virgin?
Let me explain, let me explain.
See, my first love and I
decided that we would wait
until we were married.
I kept my end of the bargain.
What did she do? Cheat on you?
The pregnancy sort
of gave her away.
So for the past six months..
I've been lookin'
for the right woman
to show me what I
have been missin'.
Please.
Ooh.
Now you're groveling.
You have no idea how
much that turns me on.
Um..
Look, uh, you know, uh, look.
I‐I need some time.
Brother, man, I need some
time to think about this, alright?
So, um, why don't
you call me tomorrow?
Oh, this is perfect.
Max, just when I
get up the nerve.
And now I gotta
wait another night?
Hey, hey, hey. You still
have that Polaroid I sent you.
‐ Hey. ‐ 'Hey.'
Hey, I wanna thank
you for a great weekend.
And maybe next time, we
can actually do some skiing.
‐ Goodnight. ‐ Come
on, come on, come on.
So?
‐ How did the outfits
hold up? ‐ Just fine.
Five minutes after I got
there, I twisted my ankle
while tryin' to
avoid a dizzy waiter
with a tray full of
Irish coffees, girl.
You didn't wear
any of the outfits?
Well, I did model..
The underwear.
Oh!
Okay, if you didn't
wear the outfits
then you can return them
with a clear conscience.
And God can take you
out of His holy doghouse.
Gary is a virgin and he's
picked me to devirginate him.
Woah, Max, you
better go easy on him.
Avoid the ridin' crop
the blindfold and
the warm spatula.
Girl, I know, I know.
And for some insane reason
I wanna be
responsible about this.
Of course, you do.
Because you wanna make
Gary's first time sweet and romantic.
Well, if that's what he
wants, let him knock
on Dr. Quinn's covered wagon.
I get straight to it and do it.
My first time, my boyfriend
rented "She's Gotta Have It."
Before the opening
credits were over, I had it.
I won't keep you in suspense.
The first time I
shared my treasures..
Was with Grant Rogers
the night before our prom.
You couldn't wait till prom
night like everybody else?
And wrinkle my
fabulous dress? Sheesh.
My first time was in
front of an audience.
My boyfriend and I were
on his bunkbed, right?
His little brother was in
the hamper with a camera.
I had to pay the little
extortionist ten bucks a month
to keep those pictures
out of circulation.
That reminds me, I'm late
for this month's payment.
Alright, Synclaire,
come on, spill it.
Oh, no, I'm sorry, this
is not the type of thing
I discuss in mixed company.
Synclaire, there are
no men in the room.
Oh, i.. Oh, is that
what that means?
Well, he was a..
Tall chocolate fellow
from, uh, North Carolina.
He was in town
for basketball camp.
His name was Michael.
He could jump so high
he seemed to float on air.
You know, I wonder
whatever happened to him.
Okay, let's stay
focused. It's about me.
‐ We're talkin' about me.
‐ Alright, wait, wait, wait.
Well, Max, I think
you should go for it.
I mean, it'll, it'll
be the first time
that a man says to
you you're the best
and know that
he's tellin' the truth.
Maxine, you be careful now.
When you're limbs
are all entwined
your heart can get
twisted in there too.
That's just what
I needed to hear.
I'm gonna go tell Gary
that I'm not the one.
Let somebody else
wax his Mustang.
I brought a few things just
in case your answer's yes.
Ooh‐wee!
Rose petals to carpet
our stairway to heaven.
Well, hold on, hold on, you
know I don't have a vacuum.
How about a little
music to set the mood?
♪ Teach me tonight ♪
Houston, we have no problem.
Alright.
Look, Gary.
I am not, not going
through with this.
Now you deserve someone
who cares as much as you do.
Max, I didn't realize
you were so sensitive.
Well, I am.
I am a sensitive as they come.
Now I don't need
some man clinging to me
like a tattoo on a biker's ass.
I understand.
Although I do regret that, uh..
Mm.
I regret that I'll never
make love to the most..
Brilliant..
And beautiful..
Woman I've ever met.
Well, I didn't say never.
May I have a goodbye kiss?
Alright, it's only fair.
Alright, quit your
beggin'. Let's go.
Now that you've rested your case
I can unequivocally say
that you are no longer a virgin.
Technically, I wasn't a
virgin after the first time.
But thanks for the
retrial and the appeals.
Yeah.
Hey, could you get
me a glass of water?
My throat is kinda dry.
Coachin' is hard work.
Ooh, wow, my goodness.
You know, I have to admit.
I've seen lots of raw talent.
You know, with a couple of
months of careful guidance
perhaps a few visual aids,
some stretching exercises
to improve flexibility..
We could work out, Jack.
What's with the clothes?
Oh, you wanna do
a little striptease?
Alright, well, listen.
There's a hardhat and a
thong in the top drawers.
‐ Actually, I'm
goin' home. ‐ Why?
Well, you said you didn't
want me crowdin' you, right?
I said that?
Well, your exact words
involved a tattoo and a biker's ass.
Yeah, that's what I said.
I'm not quite sure
of the protocol here.
You kiss me goodbye.
Then I say I'll call
you, then you leave.
Oh. Okay.
Goodnight.
♪ Teach me tonight ♪
Khadijah, how many
times have I told you
not to fiddle with the
cigarette lighter in your Jeep?
I get to the ski shop
to return my gear
and the place is on fire.
Alarms ringin'.
Flames shootin' out
the windows, so I ran in.
Khadijah, you
could've been killed.
Or face my credit card bill.
By the time I get inside,
the little punk cashier's
runnin' out the back.
I tried to get her
to give me a refund
but she all worked up
because her hair's on fire.
My hair!
Oh, yes, that was
probably Tracy.
Mm, believe me, that
hair did cost a fortune.
Sorry, Khadijah, that
scorched hag look
only works on Regine.
If you will excuse
me I'm goin' upstairs
and pick the
cinders out of my bra.
‐ Hey, what's up,
ladies? ‐ Hey, man.
Ooh, Maxine, you are glowing.
That means either
you slept with junior
or you found two prizes in
your box of Cracker Jacks.
They put prizes in those things?
So, Max, what happened?
There was champagne,
flowers, deflowering, he left.
Champagne and flowers? Hmm.
Experimenting with
foreplay, are we?
Well, I'm‐I'm sorry
it didn't work out.
Who says it didn't work out?
I got my tires rotated
and poor, obsessed Gary
is at home trying
not to call me.
I wouldn't worry about Gary.
I'm sure he's home right
now trying to put his eyes out.
Oh, oh, I gotta run.
We're looking at
reception halls today
and Obie's friend
offered us his roller rink.
The receiving line is
gonna go by like that, zip.
Oh, there is no
rest for the tasteful.
Hold up, Synclaire.
You have to learn how
to bark and play the horns
with your nose if you wanna
make it to Sea World, Kyle.
Brilliant performance,
Miss Shaw.
I almost believed
your little tale.
But I see that your bravado
merely masks your loneliness.
Please, you don't know
what you're talkin' about.
Continue.
See, I know what
it is to find yourself
liking somebody unexpectedly.
And then fall deeper
than you intended
and then feel abandoned
when those emotions
are not returned.
You know, once you become
intimate with somebody
uh, yeah, you always care.
You're like a Dear
Abby with dreadlocks.
Careful, Miss Shaw
you're coming perilously
close to being kind.
‐ Shove it. ‐ Welcome back.
You know, I used to, I
used to be able to, you know
have my way with a guy and
then move on to the next contestant
but you know, I'm
thinking, I'm thinking
there's gotta be something more.
Phew, I'm worried.
I'm starting to feel things.
Emotions.
Ooh, what do I do? What do I do?
I suggest dinner with a friend.
Well, none of my
friends are available
so I guess I have
to go with you.
And it is your treat
and I do mean that
in every sense of the word.
Well, if I had sense, I
wouldn't be doing this.
So tell me, Miss Shaw.
How does the virgin
compare to moi?
Well, he isn't a pompous,
egotistical blowhard.
Not your type, huh?
Woo‐hoo!
warm Minnesota clothes.
Let's see if we can
find you something
to keep you toasty
on the slopes.
Synclaire, Charles
and I are going skiing
not to terrorize the
land of misfit toys.
‐ Fine. What else is
in here? ‐ Aha, see.
Now this is what
I'm talkin' about.
Alright, here we go.
‐ Yeah. ‐ Lookin' good.
What the hell is
this? What is this?
Oh, snap, my retainer.
Hey, Synclaire.
Eskimo Joe.
Khadijah and Charles
are going skiing
at Sugarbush next weekend.
Oh, no. Unh‐unh.
I am not about to
let my best friend
go to Vermont's
exclusive ski resort
looking like Bigfoot
at a tag sale.
Let me take you shoppin'.
Bump that. This stuff
might be ugly, but it's free.
Khadija, allow me
to introduce to you
a little practice I like
to call return churn.
You buy what you
need for the weekend
and then return it.
That's stealing, missy.
Oh, no, no, no.
Besides, how's Khadijah gonna
look skiing down the slopes
with a bunch of tags
flapping in the wind?
That's ridiculous. Come on.
She can take them off
and when she is done, I
will simply put them back on.
Have you ever paid full
price for anything in your life?
Yes. This.
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ Ooh and in a
'90s kind of world ♪
♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪
♪ Oh keep your head up what?
Keep your head up that's right ♪
♪ Whenever this life
gets tough you gotta fight ♪
♪ With my homegirls standing
to my left and my right ♪
♪ True blue it's
tight like glue ♪
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Check check check it out ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ Haa ♪
Oh, I throw the
best dinner parties.
I throw the best dinner parties.
So let me help you with that.
'Cause, you know, I
can scrub a dish so clean
you wanna eat off of it.
Well, if you want, but,
uh, I got energy to burn.
Mm, well, vacuuming
does that for me.
Gary is pretty
hot in the kitchen.
How's he in other rooms?
Girl, there's somethin'
wrong with him.
I mean, I mean,
he's sweet, he's nice
but he lacks a
certain spiritual depth.
You ain't done a
freaky sneaky yet?
We ain't done squat.
Well, look at the bright side.
At least you get to watch
Regine mope around
'cause she don't
even got a date.
I heard that.
And I do not date.
I audition life mates.
What?
Tonight's hopeful told me
that he was an
agricultural scientist
and then Overton
spotted him stacking fruit
in the produce section.
‐ Good lookin' out. ‐
Hey, hit the rock, girl.
Look at it this way.
A guy have full medical coverage
and you'd never
want for cantaloupes.
And I thought this
doorway led to the hallway
not heaven.
If I'm not mistaken
you Jeff Blake from
the Cincinnati Bengals.
What's up, bro?
‐ Yo. Hey, man. ‐ What's up?
Hey.
Is this Spike Lee's party?
Uh‐huh.
Come on in.
Crudite.
Canopy.
Long‐term relationship, eh?
Look here, man, pay no
attention to the tiny temptress.
Um, Spike Lee live about a
block and a half down the road.
Matter of fact, I just
saw John Madden
pull up in a limo
about an hour ago.
‐ Thanks, man. ‐ No, no, oh.
No, no, no, you, ah!
Thanks a lot, Overton. You
just sent away a prime candidate.
The man's married and
he lives in Cincinnati, okay?
Minor hurdles.
Can I get anybody anything else?
Oh, no, thanks, Gary. I'm
so full I'm sweating gravy.
Well, this is so much fun.
We have Max and
Gary, Kyle and Carmel
and Khadijah and Charles
and me and Obie,
and Regine and oh, oh..
Well, you know,
you're not really alone.
You're just the star of
your own one‐woman show.
You're going to hell!
Well, Regine is
such a trendsetter.
Would anybody else like to
get the hell out of my house?
Maxine, always
the gracious host.
Okay, we're gonna be
leaving and leave you two
to your own devices
and I do mean devices.
Come on, honey.
Well, mama, let's go someplace
where we can get naked
and nobody will stare.
‐ Oh, I'll stare, daddy. ‐ Mm.
Goodnight.
Well, I'd, uh, like to thank
you for a wonderful evening.
I mean, right up to the
part when you told us
to get the hell out.
You..
Baby, would you like
some help with the dishes?
Oh, no, no, no, I'll just
give 'em back to Khadijah
in the morning. Come
here, come here, come here.
Mm.
‐ Mm, that feels
great. ‐ Oh, yeah?
‐ Yeah. ‐ How about this?
Mmm.
Ooh.
Unfortunately, I gotta go.
Well, you wouldn't
wanna derail the career
of a young barrister, would you?
Derail, no, but I wouldn't mind
if you pulled into
the station for a while.
Ladies and gentlemen
put your hands together
and welcome Khadijah.
'Watch out for that tree.'
James!
Race you to the lodge.
Well, well, well.
Don't we look
stylish and deceitful?
Exactly how much did you spend?
Well, put it like this.
Visa sent me flowers.
Now, Khadijah, remember,
in order to get a full refund
you've got to be
very careful, alright?
Don't fall, avoid rocks
and if you must
go to the bathroom
take your suit all
the way off and hold it
above your head with both hands.
Oh!
‐ Hi, sexy. ‐ Ah.
Oh, sookie‐sookie now.
Girl, you look like a
big old bumblebee.
Give me some honey.
Look at you.
Yeah.
So you got all your ski stuff?
Oh, yeah, yeah, my ACE bandages
uh, heating pad,
ice pack, neck brace
crutches, wheelchair..
Everything I need
for the great outdoor.
Are we going to
Vermont or to the Bronx?
See, it's gonna be
great having you along.
See, usually it's just me
and my single doctor friends
hangin' around that old lodge.
Single? Doctors?
‐ Hanging? ‐ See ya.
No, come on.
Mm, you're not
a bad cook at all.
That Lobster Newburg
was perfectly done.
Mm‐hmm, if you want seconds
I can throw another
pouch into the pot
while the water's boiling.
There's really only
one thing I want
after a romantic
dinner like that.
I've been thinkin'
that maybe it's time
we take our relationship
to a whole new level.
My elevator button
says penthouse.
I've been lookin' for someone
like you for such a long time.
Yeah, it's been a long
time for me, too, brother.
‐ Max. ‐ Yes.
Yes, yes.
You're the perfect
woman to take my virginity.
Huh, ooh.
A virgin?
Sacrifice me on your altar.
Thanks for coming over.
Glad you enjoyed dinner.
See you later. Bye‐bye.
A virgin?
Let me explain, let me explain.
See, my first love and I
decided that we would wait
until we were married.
I kept my end of the bargain.
What did she do? Cheat on you?
The pregnancy sort
of gave her away.
So for the past six months..
I've been lookin'
for the right woman
to show me what I
have been missin'.
Please.
Ooh.
Now you're groveling.
You have no idea how
much that turns me on.
Um..
Look, uh, you know, uh, look.
I‐I need some time.
Brother, man, I need some
time to think about this, alright?
So, um, why don't
you call me tomorrow?
Oh, this is perfect.
Max, just when I
get up the nerve.
And now I gotta
wait another night?
Hey, hey, hey. You still
have that Polaroid I sent you.
‐ Hey. ‐ 'Hey.'
Hey, I wanna thank
you for a great weekend.
And maybe next time, we
can actually do some skiing.
‐ Goodnight. ‐ Come
on, come on, come on.
So?
‐ How did the outfits
hold up? ‐ Just fine.
Five minutes after I got
there, I twisted my ankle
while tryin' to
avoid a dizzy waiter
with a tray full of
Irish coffees, girl.
You didn't wear
any of the outfits?
Well, I did model..
The underwear.
Oh!
Okay, if you didn't
wear the outfits
then you can return them
with a clear conscience.
And God can take you
out of His holy doghouse.
Gary is a virgin and he's
picked me to devirginate him.
Woah, Max, you
better go easy on him.
Avoid the ridin' crop
the blindfold and
the warm spatula.
Girl, I know, I know.
And for some insane reason
I wanna be
responsible about this.
Of course, you do.
Because you wanna make
Gary's first time sweet and romantic.
Well, if that's what he
wants, let him knock
on Dr. Quinn's covered wagon.
I get straight to it and do it.
My first time, my boyfriend
rented "She's Gotta Have It."
Before the opening
credits were over, I had it.
I won't keep you in suspense.
The first time I
shared my treasures..
Was with Grant Rogers
the night before our prom.
You couldn't wait till prom
night like everybody else?
And wrinkle my
fabulous dress? Sheesh.
My first time was in
front of an audience.
My boyfriend and I were
on his bunkbed, right?
His little brother was in
the hamper with a camera.
I had to pay the little
extortionist ten bucks a month
to keep those pictures
out of circulation.
That reminds me, I'm late
for this month's payment.
Alright, Synclaire,
come on, spill it.
Oh, no, I'm sorry, this
is not the type of thing
I discuss in mixed company.
Synclaire, there are
no men in the room.
Oh, i.. Oh, is that
what that means?
Well, he was a..
Tall chocolate fellow
from, uh, North Carolina.
He was in town
for basketball camp.
His name was Michael.
He could jump so high
he seemed to float on air.
You know, I wonder
whatever happened to him.
Okay, let's stay
focused. It's about me.
‐ We're talkin' about me.
‐ Alright, wait, wait, wait.
Well, Max, I think
you should go for it.
I mean, it'll, it'll
be the first time
that a man says to
you you're the best
and know that
he's tellin' the truth.
Maxine, you be careful now.
When you're limbs
are all entwined
your heart can get
twisted in there too.
That's just what
I needed to hear.
I'm gonna go tell Gary
that I'm not the one.
Let somebody else
wax his Mustang.
I brought a few things just
in case your answer's yes.
Ooh‐wee!
Rose petals to carpet
our stairway to heaven.
Well, hold on, hold on, you
know I don't have a vacuum.
How about a little
music to set the mood?
♪ Teach me tonight ♪
Houston, we have no problem.
Alright.
Look, Gary.
I am not, not going
through with this.
Now you deserve someone
who cares as much as you do.
Max, I didn't realize
you were so sensitive.
Well, I am.
I am a sensitive as they come.
Now I don't need
some man clinging to me
like a tattoo on a biker's ass.
I understand.
Although I do regret that, uh..
Mm.
I regret that I'll never
make love to the most..
Brilliant..
And beautiful..
Woman I've ever met.
Well, I didn't say never.
May I have a goodbye kiss?
Alright, it's only fair.
Alright, quit your
beggin'. Let's go.
Now that you've rested your case
I can unequivocally say
that you are no longer a virgin.
Technically, I wasn't a
virgin after the first time.
But thanks for the
retrial and the appeals.
Yeah.
Hey, could you get
me a glass of water?
My throat is kinda dry.
Coachin' is hard work.
Ooh, wow, my goodness.
You know, I have to admit.
I've seen lots of raw talent.
You know, with a couple of
months of careful guidance
perhaps a few visual aids,
some stretching exercises
to improve flexibility..
We could work out, Jack.
What's with the clothes?
Oh, you wanna do
a little striptease?
Alright, well, listen.
There's a hardhat and a
thong in the top drawers.
‐ Actually, I'm
goin' home. ‐ Why?
Well, you said you didn't
want me crowdin' you, right?
I said that?
Well, your exact words
involved a tattoo and a biker's ass.
Yeah, that's what I said.
I'm not quite sure
of the protocol here.
You kiss me goodbye.
Then I say I'll call
you, then you leave.
Oh. Okay.
Goodnight.
♪ Teach me tonight ♪
Khadijah, how many
times have I told you
not to fiddle with the
cigarette lighter in your Jeep?
I get to the ski shop
to return my gear
and the place is on fire.
Alarms ringin'.
Flames shootin' out
the windows, so I ran in.
Khadijah, you
could've been killed.
Or face my credit card bill.
By the time I get inside,
the little punk cashier's
runnin' out the back.
I tried to get her
to give me a refund
but she all worked up
because her hair's on fire.
My hair!
Oh, yes, that was
probably Tracy.
Mm, believe me, that
hair did cost a fortune.
Sorry, Khadijah, that
scorched hag look
only works on Regine.
If you will excuse
me I'm goin' upstairs
and pick the
cinders out of my bra.
‐ Hey, what's up,
ladies? ‐ Hey, man.
Ooh, Maxine, you are glowing.
That means either
you slept with junior
or you found two prizes in
your box of Cracker Jacks.
They put prizes in those things?
So, Max, what happened?
There was champagne,
flowers, deflowering, he left.
Champagne and flowers? Hmm.
Experimenting with
foreplay, are we?
Well, I'm‐I'm sorry
it didn't work out.
Who says it didn't work out?
I got my tires rotated
and poor, obsessed Gary
is at home trying
not to call me.
I wouldn't worry about Gary.
I'm sure he's home right
now trying to put his eyes out.
Oh, oh, I gotta run.
We're looking at
reception halls today
and Obie's friend
offered us his roller rink.
The receiving line is
gonna go by like that, zip.
Oh, there is no
rest for the tasteful.
Hold up, Synclaire.
You have to learn how
to bark and play the horns
with your nose if you wanna
make it to Sea World, Kyle.
Brilliant performance,
Miss Shaw.
I almost believed
your little tale.
But I see that your bravado
merely masks your loneliness.
Please, you don't know
what you're talkin' about.
Continue.
See, I know what
it is to find yourself
liking somebody unexpectedly.
And then fall deeper
than you intended
and then feel abandoned
when those emotions
are not returned.
You know, once you become
intimate with somebody
uh, yeah, you always care.
You're like a Dear
Abby with dreadlocks.
Careful, Miss Shaw
you're coming perilously
close to being kind.
‐ Shove it. ‐ Welcome back.
You know, I used to, I
used to be able to, you know
have my way with a guy and
then move on to the next contestant
but you know, I'm
thinking, I'm thinking
there's gotta be something more.
Phew, I'm worried.
I'm starting to feel things.
Emotions.
Ooh, what do I do? What do I do?
I suggest dinner with a friend.
Well, none of my
friends are available
so I guess I have
to go with you.
And it is your treat
and I do mean that
in every sense of the word.
Well, if I had sense, I
wouldn't be doing this.
So tell me, Miss Shaw.
How does the virgin
compare to moi?
Well, he isn't a pompous,
egotistical blowhard.
Not your type, huh?
Woo‐hoo!