Living Single (1993–1998): Season 3, Episode 12 - The Following Is a Sponsored Program - full transcript

A discouraged Synclaire is unsure about auditioning for an infomercial for a dashboard grill, but Max encourages her to follow her acting aspirations. Regine volunteers Max to drive Synclaire to the audition in order to keep her from hanging around the apartment on her day off. Max confronts the director when he dismisses Synclaire without allowing her to say her lines. Meanwhile..Overton is racked with guilt when he continually dreams about the R&B group TLC after falling asleep during its videos.

♪ A lonely mother gazing
out of her window.. ♪

Overton!

Oh.

Hello, ladies.

Hello, you look like you
could use a little bit of TLC.

‐ Hm. ‐ That's right.

We thought we'd warm you up.

Yeah, well, you're
doin' a marvelous job.

I sweated clear through
to the box springs, girl.

And we've got some ideas to
how to keep you warm all night.

Oh, could you be
thinking about a little



menage a quatre?

Overton, man, it is 1
o'clock in the mornin'.

I've got a early meeting with
Japanese investors tomorrow

and if I yawn, then
there will be no yen.

Ah!

Hey, man, what the hell
you're doing waking me up?

Man, I'm dreaming I was
in bed with TLC, dude!

And we were, we were
getting along quite nicely.

Thank you very much.

You know, that is better
than your usual dream

of the dance of the
sugar plum hand drill.

Oh, no, Kyle.

I mean, me dreaming about TLC.

What does that say
about Synclaire now?



I mean, uh, am I unfulfilled?

Do I like more fiber
in my spiritual diet?

‐ Overton, you my
cat, right? ‐ 'Mm‐hmm.'

So, I am gonna give your problem

the appropriate
amount of thought.

Finished. Goodnight.

♪ We are living single ♪
♪ Hey ♪

♪ Ooh and in a
'90s kind of world ♪

♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪

♪ Oh keep your head up ♪
♪ What? ♪

♪ Keep your head up ♪
♪ That's right ♪

♪ Whenever this
life gets tough ♪

♪ You gotta fight with ♪

♪ My homegirls
standing to my left ♪

♪ And my right ♪
♪ True blue ♪

♪ It's tight like glue ♪

♪ We are living ♪
♪ Check check check it out ♪

♪ Check check check it out ♪
♪ Single ♪

♪ Do what you want
no free position girl ♪

♪ Ha ♪

Good news, everyone,
the office is flooded.

And I've got the
day off tomorrow

so I'm here a‐a‐a‐ll night.

Well, then have a
seat, your couch dent

from last night
hasn't popped yet.

Did you ever think
about coming upstairs

and putting a few
dents in my couch? Huh?

I don't know, you're too
picky about your sofa.

Hi.

Let me guess, uh,
your audition went great

but you are perfecting your
role as a funeral attendant?

Oh, save it, Overton.

As usual, I didn't get the part.

What, did they give
you that crap about

you not being
right for the role?

It was a commercial
for Afro Sheen.

They said, I wasn't
ethnic enough

and then they gave the part
to a white girl with a curly perm.

That's better than
that time you lost

that Playtex
commercial to that man.

Well, you got another
audition tomorrow, right?

Yeah, but I'm not going,
so I don't need tomorrow off.

But I already hired a temp.

We were gonna get
a lot of work done.

And nothing was gonna
get lost or forgotten

or accidentally
put to the shredder.

Synclaire, now look, there
are a thousand other things

better suited to
you than acting.

Bottle recycling, and that's
just off the top of my head.

Don't listen to her, sweetpea.

I stuck with my dream
of being a handyman

and the reward is a lifetime of
meaningful and satisfying work.

Oh, yeah, that reminds me,
uh, Mrs. Browner from 4‐B called

and she said,
"Thanks for lubricating

that paper towel rack."

Mm‐hmm.

Synclaire, I don't win
all of my court cases

but you don't see me quitting.

Yeah, but, Max, at least
you win some of 'em.

Most. Most will be right.

Seventy‐three out of ninety‐five

a record for a public defender

in the New York County with
nine months or less on the job.

Thank you very much.

Alright, listen, the
point is you can't win

if you don't show up to court,
so suck it up, keep trying.

Max, you really think I
could be a great actress?

Don't change the subject, okay?

I said don't quit.

You know something?

That idea is so crazy,
it just might work.

I am going to that
audition tomorrow.

By Gom, I am gonna
get it. Goodnight all.

Well, uh, dream
of me, Synclaire.

I‐I'll try my best
to dream of you.

Synclaire, why are you going
to bed? It's only 8 o'clock.

Well, the audition is in
New Jersey at 7 a. m.

And I got to get up at
4:30 to catch the train.

Oh, no. Max will drive
you, she has the day off.

Max, that would be wonderful.

Is there anything
I can do for you?

No, but Regine can bite me.

Synclaire, would you calm down?

I mean, how hard is it to play
the skeptic in an infomercial?

Harder than it looks.

"So much for so
little. It's impossible.

That's crazy talk."

You have to be very skeptical.

Good morning, people.
I am Lanny Freedan.

Thank you.

You'll be auditioning for the
part of the skeptical co‐host

in our segment on the
dashboard half plate.

You'll be reading with a
man you might recognize

as the star of the
lap‐top strudel maker

and the bathtub pressure
cooker, Clive Nickelsby.

Hello, hello, hello.

I am what you call a Kiwi. Now,
who knows what that means?

It means you're from New Zealand

and you are slowing us down.

First up, Evan Bloom.

Okay, good, good. At least
I'm not first, that's very unlucky.

‐ Which part is lucky?
‐ Ah, damn if I know.

"Evan, tell me, have
you ever been driving

"to work in the morning
and thought to yourself.

'Blimey, I'd love a grilled
cheese sandwich?'"

"The only possible answers
to your question are yes.

"And you're darn
tootin', but we all know

"enjoying that kind of
mouth‐watering snack in your car

just isn't possible."

Thank you.

You're flat and lifeless,
but you have good hair.

Now, Betty Ruth Bell.

Unless you're in
labor, shut the hell up.

I can't help it, I'm nervous.

I'm starting to imagine
myself getting that job.

Well, good, good
that's a good thing.

No, it's not 'cause
I won't get the job

and my face will never be on
the cover of "Jet Magazine," okay?

Next.

Oh, oh, oh.

Get out of here.

♪ A lonely mother gazing
out of her window.. ♪

Oh, no, no, it happened again!

Kyle!

This better be good money.

Willis Scott just set in a Miata

and they had to
bring in the jaws of life.

Well, I just had another
dream about TLC.

This time we was
on a deserted island.

Really? What were they wearing?

Sun block.

Oh, nice.

Look, uh, in the past, I
enjoyed a love dovey dream

about a beautiful singing trio
with a upbeat, hip‐hop sound

as much as the next man.

But since I started
dating Synclaire

I haven't had erotic
dreams about other women.

I mean, why now? You
think something's wrong?

Well, why ask me? Ask TLC.

Overton, you just
need to stop trippin'.

Yeah, Obie, it's totally normal.

I mean, we are
every man's dream.

Oh, hell, we get called over

at Heavy D's house
three in four times a night

and he's gonna love
his girlfriend more.

Yo, you should listen
to the little one, huh.

Oh, this is just way too freaky.

God help me.

God's busy, what'd you want?

Oh, I just had another
dream about TLC, dude.

I mean, I'm
beginning to feel like

I'm cheating on Synclaire now.

Was Synclaire in the dream?

No.

Hey, then you're
getting away with it.

Hey, wait a minute. You
was in the dream too.

So, is this the real
you or the dream you?

It's the real me.

In a dream, I wouldn't say
your mind was bad and leave.

Ooh, your mind is bad.

Next up, Synclaire James.

Max, it's my turn.

Right, okay.

Break a leg, knock 'em dead

and if you make it snappy,
we could beat the rush hour.

You're my rock, girl.

Wrong look, drive safely. Next.

'Now serving, Curtis
Evans Fitzsimmons.'

Don't let him do that to you!

‐ B‐b‐but my look. ‐ Your look?

Clive looks like "Where's
Waldo" without the stupid hat.

Go on, assert yourself.

Assert myself? Can you see
me take a donut without asking?

‐ I've asserted, let's just
go. ‐ Mm. Mnm‐mnm.

Alright, check
this out, rawhide.

She's been sitting
there for six hours

and she is not leaving until
you give her an audition.

You cannot treat her the
same way they treated the cow

before they made
your pants out of them.

I'm sorry, but I can't give
your friend an audition.

Didn't you hear
a word that I said?

Loud and clear.

That's why I'm
offering you the part.

What?

Yes, you have the vitality

and utter believability
we're looking for.

‐ Me? ‐ Her?

You.

Hey, y'all, Synclaire home yet?

No.

Well, maybe she got the part

and her and Max
went to celebrate.

And maybe Newt
Gingrich will attend

the next gay pride parade.

‐ Thanks a lot,
Max! ‐ Oh, come on.

‐ Thanks a lot! Thanks a
lot! ‐ Get off of this, Synclaire!

Oh, you know, why don't
you take my man too?

There he is, take
him, enjoy, take him.

Hey, butter biscuit, this means
you didn't get the part, huh?

No, I did not.

What you do?

Nothing.

I just got the part, and this
free bathtub pressure cooker.

How did that happen?
That's of $49 value.

Look, all I did was
try to help Synclaire.

The director offered me the role

and suddenly, I saw my
footprints in cement, I..

You stole the part
from Synclaire?

She's already been rejected.

And you know, not so
we forget, sweetheart.

You know, I used my
clout to get you a part.

Oh, yeah, I'm audience
member number 28.

I get to sit in the back row
yelling, "Hey, there now."

Hey, Max, you could've
been a little more sensitive.

I mean, acting is
Synclaire's thing.

All you ever wanted to do
is be a supreme court justice

and own a sizzler.

And I will be on the
bench, and behind the grill.

But tomorrow, I'm
gonna be on stage

so if you'll excuse me

I'm going home
to learn my lines.

Then after that, I'm gonna have

a nice, long, hot
soak in the tub

and some steamed cabbage.

I'm going upstairs to rethink
my purpose on the planet.

Oh, hey, sweetpea, why
don't you give me a minute

to try to come up with
a bright side to this?

Overton, thank you,
but I need to be alone.

Yeah, well, this
is just as well.

Coming up with a
bright side to this story

is at least a 45 minute job.

Wait a minute now.

Wh‐why you got to come up
with a bright side on my couch?

Look here, little short woman..

I'll be here all night
if that's what it takes

to convince Synclaire
that I'm a loyal soul mate

who wouldn't think about
looking at another woman

in a million years.

Unless of course, it was
totally beyond my control.

I mean a, a man's
gotta get some sleep.

I'm not a machine,
for the love of God!

Well, now that you've
explained yourself

sitting here makes
perfect sense.

Overton, guess who.

So that's where you're hiding?

Oh, this is pure evil.

I'm cheatin' on my sweetpea

right under her cute
little sleepy droolin' face.

You're not cheatin' on anybody.

Let me tell you
what's happening.

You see, you watch our
videos, you fall asleep.

And then we show
up in your dreams.

That's all.

So you say, so, uh..

So, ohh‐aa‐oh‐aa..

So‐so what you're saying
is I watch your videos

I fall asleep, and you
show up in my dreams?

I think she just said that.

Wait a minute, I wasn't
watching your videos tonight.

‐ So, why are you here? ‐
Hah! This isn't your dream.

‐ Hello! ‐ Hi, big papa!

Yes!

Kyle! What am I
doin' in your dream?

I don't know. Must've
been something I ate. Mm.

Ladies.

Yes. Alright.

Oh, by the way, Obie.

Synclaire is the luckiest
woman in the world.

Oh, thank you, Left Eye.

Hey, shorty, uh, since
this is your dream, uh

you mind giving me
something a little better to do

than just sittin' on this couch?

Oh, not to worry, in a moment
a large fire breathing dragon

will come out of that kitchen

and chase you
around the apartment.

So, now, ladies, talk to me.

Waterfalls. Why
would one chase that?

God, that was pathetic.

Telling the guy in the
tollbooth I kidnapped you.

Yeah, well, it took ten
seconds for me to convince him

and ten minutes for you
to convince the policemen

but I guess you're
the better actor.

You know, I can't believe
that you're still in a funk.

Yeah, Max, you're
right. I'm overreacting.

In one fell swoop, you have
shaken my faith in my ability

my training and our friendship.

‐ Bear claw? ‐ No, thank you.

Good morning, Maxine.

Just follow Claus and
obey all of his gestures.

Alright, people, let's get
this show on the road.

I'm getting new
chest hair at 6:30.

So for lack of a
better word, action.

Hey! Hello, and welcome
to "Breathtaking Inventions."

I'm Shelia Innovato

and here's our
globetrotting bargain finder.

Clive Nickelsby.

Hello, hello, hello.

Sheila, have you ever been

driving to work and
thought to yourself.

"Blimey, I'd love
a mouth‐watering

grilled cheese sandwich?"

Well, the only possible
answers to your question are

yes, and you're darn tootin'.

But we all know that kind
of mouth‐watering snack

in your car just isn't possible.

Until now. And not just
mouth‐watering sandwiches.

Bacon, flapjacks, fajitas.

All thanks to today's
breathtaking invention.

The dashboard hot plate.

Okay, it enhances the
interior of any vehicle

but can it actually bring the
kitchen to your front seat?

Don't take my word for it.

Ask NFL All‐Pro, Cris Carter.

Hey, I'm Cris Carter.

As a wide receiver for
the Minnesota Vikings

I get awfully hungry.

See, that's why my dashboard
hot plate is always plugged in.

See, nothing makes you forget

double vision or a
separated shoulder

like a mouthful of hot sandwich.

Well, if a wide receiver
loves the dashboard hot plate

you know it's good.

God, I'm getting out
of here. Excuse me.

‐ You can stick‐‐ ‐ Wait!

‐ Huh? ‐ Seems
we have a skeptic.

'You, ma'am.'

Why don't you come up here
on stage and judge for yourself?

On stage?

Sh‐Sheila, wouldn't you,
wouldn't you rather hear

from America's favorite twins,
Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen?

What's the matter, Clive, are
you afraid they taste nasty?

Uh..

But, uh, but the
unbelievable price.

Hey, if the sandwich
doesn't taste good

it's not worth the high impact
plastic that it's made out of.

Mmm.

Well, that's the
most mouth‐watering

dashboard sandwich
I've ever tasted.

At first, I was skeptical

but, Sheila, I'll take a dozen.
I don't care what they cost.

They'll make a great
stocking stuffers.

But I'm keeping
this one for myself.

And cut!

Lenny, what the
hell is going on?

In 15 years of
directing infomercials

that is the finest spontaneous
segment I have ever witnessed.

But if you think about
what an infomercial is really

how much room is
there for spontaneity?

Precious little. You're fired.

Yeah, well, at least I don't
have to buy my chest hair.

Oh, you know what I mean.

Come on, Max,
let's just, let's go.

Yeah. Give us our checks
and we're out of here.

Alright, people, take five.

Thanks, Max.

Because of you, this is my
first paycheck as an actor.

Yeah, well, forget it.

I was getting tired
of the gig anyway.

Clive spits when he talks.

You know I really felt good

about my portrayal as the
skeptical audience member.

I really knew her.

Her passions for life,
her‐her desire for hot cheese.

I left a little piece of myself
up there on those bleachers.

I'm guessing a
fragment of brain.

You are my rock,
girl. You're my rock.

We'll be right back.

Anyway, I stopped watching
all those late night videos

and haven't seen hide nor

chart‐topping hair
of TLC ever since

but I figured out just
wouldn't feel right about this

until I told you.

Oh, Overton, you're not
responsible for your dreams.

My night school
psychology professor

said that dreams are, are
largely symbolic anyway.

So those three
women could represent

the three blissful years
that we've spent together.

Or the "Three Times A Lady"
in that old Lionel Richie song.

Yeah, baby. I knew you'd
make sense out of this.

Aah‐aah‐aah, get
your waterfall‐chasing

asses up and out of here.

Come on Frosty, T‐Bone,
No‐Eye. Go on, out.

Woo‐hoo!