Living Single (1993–1998): Season 2, Episode 9 - Abstinence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder - full transcript

This is the last
time that I get up

at 4 o'clock in the morning

to drive all the way to
the country to pick apples

that we could've
bought at the store.

I had fun. Didn't you,
my Manly Mcintosh?

I sure did, my
little Granny Smith.

Oh, please, my goodness,
they're at it again.

First it was, let's kiss
every time we see

a New Jersey license plate.

Then it was hide and go
smooch in a apple orchard.

And then... it was let's
kiss in the back seat



with Khadijah in the middle.

I thought you were sleeping.

I was prayin', "When are
y'all gonna chip a tooth."

Well, it's time to
turn this harvest into

apple pie, apple crisp,
apple sauce and my favorite

apple brown betty.

But I'm changin' it's name
to apple brown Synclaire

'cause it's oh,
so very delicious.

Oh..

♪ We are living ♪

♪ Single ♪

♪ Oh in a 90's kinda of world ♪

♪ I'm glad I've got my girls ♪

♪ Keep your head up, what,
keep your head up that's right ♪



♪ Whenever this
life get's tough ♪

♪ You gotta fight with my
home girls standing to my left ♪

♪ And my right true
blue and tight like glue ♪

♪ We are living ♪

♪ Single ♪

Synclaire, what are you doing?

These are seeds from the
apple Overton and I ate together.

I'm putting them
in my scrap book.

"Synclaire and Overton,
the early months."

Here's my favorite memento.

‐ What is it? ‐ A splinter.

I got it the time that
Overton first said those

three special words.

"Hold this plywood."

Hey, people.
Khadijah, Khadijah mail.

I'm going to take a bath now.
Do not disturb. Smooches.

Stop, right there, tiny woman.

No, you did not send
me a chain letter.

Ha! She got you, Khadijah.

Ha ha ha. Here's yours.

You letter giving troll.

Well, Regine, chain letters
are for superstitious fools.

And I ain't on of 'em.

Khadijah, that's what Darla
Wilson from Des Moines said

just before she lost
her house, her husband

and her hair.

That's awful.

I know, can you
imagine losing your hair.

You're not gonna
mail that thing are you?

Okay, check this
out, Khadijah, alright.

Bad things come in threes

I've already slept with
Kyle and lost my job.

I am not taking any chances
that I might sleep with Kyle again.

Well, I'm gonna
live dangerously.

Ow! Paper cut.

Mm‐hmm.

Okay, now, can we get
back to my scrapbook.

Look, Regine, a
picture of me and Obie

at the only hardware
store in the Bahamas.

‐ Oh, is that your
hotel room? ‐ Uh‐huh.

Mm, single beds, huh?

Must've been a drag
having to push 'em together.

Oh, we didn't push 'em together.

Hey, anybody want to
make some brownies?

Well, it must've been mighty
cramped with you and Overton

in the same little bed.

No.

Okay, national healthcare

now, there's an idea
who's time has come.

It‐it wasn't cramped?

Those beds do look a little
small. How'd y'all work that?

Overton and I slept
in separate beds, okay.

What?

It was a romantic getaway.

You two didn't do anything
a little freaky‐sneaky?

Well, okay.

We did steal those
little shampoo bottles.

Okay, wait a minute.
Are‐are you saying..

Are you saying that you
and Overton didn't... do it?

The whole vacation?

Since the vacation?

Overton and I have
never done it, okay.

Well, that clears
up a lot for me, aye.

‐ You knew, didn't
you? ‐ Of course, I knew.

Regine, it's not
that big of a deal.

It is to a big deal.

Khadijah had the
juice and didn't tell me.

I'm beginning to
question our friendship.

I've always questioned
our friendship.

I can't believe you and Overton
never sang in the key of life.

There's more to a
relationship than just sex.

True.

There's bitterness.

There's also romance.

He tells you you're
beautiful, you deny it.

He insists, you deny
it. He insists with gifts..

And you agree.

Well, I think waiting
is a good thing.

Scooter and I waited 20 years.

Oh, please, that's 'cause
y'all were just friends first.

How long did you actually
wait once y'all started dating?

Look, this is about Synclaire.

Overton and I are
waiting until the right time.

And in eight months, it ain't
never been the right time?

Synclaire, now..

Don't you have... desires?

Of course, I do.

I'd like to back pack
through New Zealand.

‐ And see myself‐‐
‐ Sexual! Sexual‐ah!

Desires.

Just being with
Overton is enough.

See, you tell him, cuz.

Then there are those days

I'm like a time bomb
ready to explode.

Yes. Good, now, you're
dealing with the real.

Truth is Obie gives me fever.

Then I say, you two get under
the covers and sweat it out.

You know, by this time
tomorrow Janet and I

will be at the
Green Mountain Spa

breathing fresh mountain air,
getting sweaty and feeling fit.

You two goin' on one
of those nature hikes?

Mm‐hmm, but, uh,
we're not leaving the room.

Good. With you outta the
house I can finally buff out

the scuff marks made by certain
someone trying to moonwalk

across my living room floor.

That dance is dead, Kyle.

Even Michael's moved on.

Overton, man, my leaving

is your cue to romance
your woman at home alone.

Look at it, shorty, you
proven time and time again

you don't need a empty
apartment to have sex.

When Synclaire and I are
ready to make that move, we will.

Right now, we're not ready.

I saw you two in
the woods today.

Your ready.

Hey, man, but I'm
not gonna rush things.

I don't wanna mess up
what I have with Synclaire.

Overton, man, getting physical
can only enhance a relationship.

I know it always
makes me feel better.

You don't get it. See, Synclaire
and I are like a fine wine.

We waiting for this relationship
to be aged to perfection

and then and only then,
will the cork be popped.

So to speak.

Lovely words but, uh,
riddle me this handyman.

Why are you sitting
here polishing that apple

when you got somebody
that can shake your tree?

I see you decided to loosen
up your strict dress code.

I'm gettin' off
the train, right.

The doors close

catch my skirt
and rip it clean off.

Really, what station?

Synclaire, if you're gonna mop

don't you think you
should use some water?

Khadijah, I'm not really
mopping, I'm thinking.

I've come to a decision
about Overton and me.

‐ Well, what is it?
‐ What should I do?

Look, you know what to do.

Yeah, you're right.

What would that be?

Come on, now, look.

You and Overton have
been tip toeing around

this subject for months.

I think you should be
deciding this with Overton

not with me. Okay.

Regine, thank you for letting
me use your name at the spa.

The manager's giving me
the best cabin in the place.

‐ Not the El Dorado. ‐ Yep.

And they even throwing in a
sea kelp and honey body rub.

For two.

Your date's gonna eat a
flea dip after a night with you.

You didn't.

What happened to you?

What? Doesn't anyone
watch House of Style?

Her skirt got caught
in the train door.

And you wearing that ugly slip?

It's the power of
the chain letter.

It is not that chain letter.

You know, you're
right, Khadijah.

It's a coincidence that
I mailed my chain letter

and found 20 bucks stuck
to the side of the mailbox

and you threw yours in the
trash and 400 people saw your ass

in the subway.

Oh, hey, Synclaire.

Check this out.

Come to the dark side, Luke.

You've been practicing.
Now, I have a surprise for you.

I made this scrapbook
of our relationship.

Aw, Synclaire.

You saved our splinter.

‐ Obie, I've been
thinking. ‐ Not me.

Maybe we should take our
relationship to the next level.

Next level? Uh, could
you be more specific?

O‐o‐hh!

Ho‐ho‐ho. Oh, that level?

You, uh, you sure
you wanna do this?

Absolutely.

‐ Positively? ‐ Positively.

Oh, we'll set it up in here.

Obie, not now.

Oh, alright.

I want it to be the way
we both dreamed about.

Spending the night together.

Waking up in each others arms.

Pretending to smoke cigarettes.

Hey, well, you know, Kyle's
goin' outta town tomorrow night.

What do you say?

Wow!

I, God, think you better go now.

One more kiss?

I'm only flesh and blood.

Till tomorrow night.

Man, I'm about to weld like
no man has ever welded before.

Oh, come on, Synclaire, you
think just 'cause you live here

you can hog the bathroom.

Might have to go home
and actually use my own.

What are you doing?

Ah, Synclaire asked me
to do this for her scrapbook.

I'm taking the before picture.

You know what?

Someone ought to
create a greeting card

for the first time you get with
your man, know what I'm saying.

They have cards for
every other occasion.

Hey, how about this?

Don't worry it gets better.

Okay, or, alright.

We knew you could
do it, we had no doubt.

Now, go to your man
and wear him out.

Unbelievable, I'm
trying to catch a bus

'cause you know, I ain't goin'
nowhere near the subway.

When the damn driver floors
it just as I get to the exhaust.

Hm, I played lotto,
won 50 bucks.

I'm gonna find
that chain letter.

Yoo‐hoo, I'm way ahead of you.

You'll be happy you did this.

I'll be happy when your
mother receives this.

Who do you think sent it to me?

Synclaire, look at you.

So, how you feeling?

Feel pretty good.

Except while I was
upstairs shaving my toes..

I started to worry.

I‐I mean, it's been a long
time, what if I've forgotten how.

Oh, no, listen, it's like,
it's like riding a bicycle

over cobblestones.

You never forget
how and it's kinda fun.

We've been looking
forward to this for a long time.

After we do it, what will
we have to look forward to?

Doing it again.

What if he doesn't like my body?

Girl, Overton hasn't
had sex in eight months.

He'll love your body.

'Synclaire!'

‐ For you, baby. ‐ Thank you.

Ow!

Oh, sorry. Won't you come in?

Well, we got champagne,
caviar, bite sized snickers.

You've thought of everything.

My mouth is sticking.

Hmm, here, perhaps a
little champagne will help.

Here, nothing like a
touch of the bubbly.

Hmm.

Excuse me.

Well, it's not your
fault, it's domestic.

Mm, what's that
delightful scent?

Bless you.

Um, thank you.

You're allergic to
my new perfume.

Oh, no, I'm not.
No, I'm not. Watch.

I'm sorry. I'm gonna
go wash this off.

Oh, no, you don't
have to do that.

Hello.

Oh, hey, Kyle.

No, Janet didn't call.
Thought she was with you.

She went to the wrong spa?

Uh, hell, I think
you're better off.

She don't seem too bright to me.

Oh, Synclaire?

Hm, she's in the bathroom
scrubbing her neck.

It's a long story.

You want me to stay on the
phone or get back to Synclaire?

Well, that's just
plain selfish. Bye.

That's it! No
more interruptions.

You, uh, mind if I join you?

Well, well, well, well,
this is some night, huh?

Yep, and it's just beginning.

It's, uh..

Filled with emotion.

Yeah, I'm getting a
little emotional myself.

There's passion.

Oh, yeah, got the passion.

Definitely romance.

Shoobie‐doobie‐doo.

An‐an‐anticipation.

Well, I know I can't wait.

A paralyzing kind of anxiety.

That's not good.

This just doesn't feel right.

I'm sitting here with a wet
neck and I'm trying not to burp

and my left molar is filled
with bite sized snickers.

Oh, come on, girl, we've
been far more clumsier

than we've been tonight.

I mean, what's really wrong?

Obie, I think that
everything is going just fine

and then I got this idea
somehow that having sex

would make our
relationship even better.

But this just doesn't
seem to be working.

Maybe we should've
did it in the basement.

No, that wasn't the place

and maybe this
just isn't the time.

I'm sorry, I really
wanted it to be.

Just tonight, just
feels too forced.

Hey, well, last thing I
want to do is to rush you.

'Cause really, I don't
wanna have sex with you.

I wanna make love to you.

Because, uh, I
love you, Synclaire.

I love you too.

And you know, waiting,
could be very romantic.

‐ Care to dance? ‐ Yes.

♪ I wanna do it with you girl ♪

♪ I wanna do it
with you girl‐‐ ♪

♪ Touch me touch me ♪

♪ I wanna feel your body ♪

♪ Your heartbeat‐‐ ♪

♪ 'Cause me so hot me.. ♪

Maybe, maybe I'll
just hum a little there.

♪ Shoobie‐doobie‐doo.. ♪

Guess what y'all? I
sprained my ankle.

And you're happy about that?

Yeah, it happened after
I mailed the chain letter.

See, I was right
and you're all wrong.

Ain't no such thing as bad
luck. Things just‐just happen.

'I really hurt
myself this time.'

Maybe, we should tell her

the chain letter
came back unopened.

Listen to her. She's so happy.

'God! It hurts when I laugh.'