Living Single (1993–1998): Season 2, Episode 27 - The Shake-Up - full transcript

Max, why are you digging
through Regine's stuff?

I'm just making sure she's
not taking anything that's mine.

I've left a lot of things
over here over the years.

Crumbs maybe.

Synclaire, tell me that's
not a cigarette in your mouth.

No. It's a cigadont.

It's for people who
are trying to quit.

You don't smoke.

Yeah, but I feel like I
could start at anytime.

Khadijah, this
is all your fault.

If it weren't for you, Regine
wouldn't be moving out



and I wouldn't be suckin'
on plastic right now.

Well, if you want somebody
to blame your nutsy cuckoo

behavior on, it's Regine.

She's the one that made
the decision of leavin'

I'm not playin'
her game this time.

Okay, well, everything
upstairs is packed up.

So, Khadijah, what are we
gonna do about this couch?

What you mean, what we
gonna do? I bought it at stake.

Yes, dear. But I
had it reupholstered.

So, what do you
want? The fabric?

Hey, that's a great
idea. I'll make drapes.

Well, I'm gettin' off on outta
here because I'm, I've not time.

Give me my..

[Queen Latifah singing
"We Are Living Single"]



♪ We are Living Single ♪

♪ Ooh in a 90's kinda world ♪

♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪

♪ Keep ya head up ♪
♪ What? ♪

♪ Keep ya head up ♪
♪ That's right ♪

♪ Whenever this life get
tough You gotta fight ♪

♪ With my homegirl standing
to my left and my right ♪

♪ True‐blue we tight like glue ♪

♪ We are Living Single ♪

♪ Ah‐h ♪

‐ Hey, Mr. Foster. ‐ Hey, Max.

Oh, I see you're
stockin' up this week.

Yeah, yeah. I had a craving for
toast and Khadijah's out of rye.

You don't sell this
by the slice, do you?

Sorry, girlie.

Alright, everybody, freeze.

You, give me the money.
Just put the money in a bag.

Let's go, let's go.

Ah!

Oh, my God, you saved my life.

(man on TV) 'This mild light‐bodied
cigar has a spicy character'

'but is dominated by
woody flavors and..'

What are you doin', sweet pea?

Watchin' the Smoking Channel.

What is this cravin' you
have for the evil weed?

I can't help it. Whenever I
get stressed, I get this urge.

When Buddy was a
puppy he ran away.

I was so upset that
I took a cigarette

out of my mother's purse.

Turns out, Buddy was
just at the groomer's

but it was too late.

I was already a slave
to the demon nicotine.

Um, honey, snugglepuss..

That was a long time ago.

But Regine's moving out now.

It's separation anxiety.

I'm gettin' Buddy flashbacks.

[slurping]

Ooh! There's a
noise I won't miss.

Well, good, here's
one for the road.

[slurping]

Alright, ladies, I
tried to stay out of this

but I can't hold my
tongue no longer.

Your hostility got my baby
experimentin' with tobacco

this must stop.

Alright, Synclaire, if it'll
make you feel any better

you can have the airbrush kitty
potholders my mother gave me.

Thank you.

Whenever I press
this kitty's face

to a scalding piece of
metal, I'll think of you.

Oh, Khadijah, look, look.

All the good kitchen
stuff belong to Regine.

She even took the lemon zester.

Now, we'll never
know what it does.

Max, I'm‐I'm tellin' you, it's
really no big deal. Alright?

How can you say that?

Max, you holdin' on to Kyle.

You two been drinkin' again?

This wonderful
man saved my life.

‐ 'What?' ‐ What?

I'm standing in line
at Mr. Foster's market

when this gunman with
a ski‐mask comes in

and points his gun right at me.

My heart's beating out of my
chest. I'm repentin' big time.

Then this beautiful man..

[laughs]

Oh, he just appears from nowhere

wrestles the thug to the ground.

It was the bravest
thing I've ever seen.

Well, alright. Shorty rescuing
the damsel in distress.

Max, you okay?

I'm fine.

Thanks to my hero.

Come on, Max. Now, you
makin' way too much of this.

[gasps]

I could've died.

That could've been it.
Maxine Shaw... case closed.

When I saw that gun swing
at me, it came to me in a flash.

You never know how
much time you have left.

Kyle, what can I get for you?

What can I buy for you?
What can I do for you?

Well, alright then.

Max, Ma‐Max‐Max, look.

Nothin', nothin' please.

Okay?

Well, at least let me
make you dinner?

You gonna cook?

Yes. Yes, yes,
yes. I'm gonna cook.

Tomorrow night.
6 o'clock, my place.

See you there.

[clanging]

Synclaire, you can
clean your pipe later.

Come on. Zina's gonna
be here any minute.

We gotta make
this place look nice.

I don't want the place to look
nice. Don't want her to like it.

I don't wanna interview a new
roommate. I want Regine to stay.

Why?

Once again she has
turned a little argument

into a major drama.

I'm not havin' it.

We've to find somebody to
cover the rent she's stiffin' us on.

Not necessarily.

If we grow potatoes
in Regine's room

the government
will subsidies us.

[doorbell ringing]

Hi, I'm Zina, Russell's friend.

‐ Whoa! ‐ Come on in.

This place is huge!

Y'all got furniture. I
like that in a place.

[Khadijah laughs]

Uh, look, Zina, I don't
know what Russell told you

but basically we're
lookin' for a roommate

who can pay her rent on time

and occasionally cook
a five course meal.

Well, I try to stay away from
fats and sugars, carbohydrates

protein. Mind if I smoke?

Please do, my ashtray
is hungry for cinder.

Oh, and you don't
have to worry about bills

'cause I always pay on time.

Creditors hassle you
enough, you learn.

‐ Do you have bad
credit? ‐ Uh‐ah, no, no, no.

My wages are only
attached for two more months.

That's exactly what
we were looking for.

I feel like we're
family already.

Don't she look like Khaliah
Ali without the mustache?

Well, it seems like y'all
are really hittin' it off, huh?

Hi, Zina right?
Well, I'm Regine.

[coughing]

Yes, I am the roommate
that is movin' out.

You are gettin' a great
room and a great roommate

in Synclaire.

So, where you from?
What do you do?

I'm from the Bronx and I work.

Well, isn't she snappy.

Well, it was nice
meetin' you. Smooches.

Ooh! Now I understand
why y'all gettin' rid of her.

Attitude!

Did she say smooges?

You know, Zina, Regine
may have her faults

but nobody talks about
her like that, except for me.

So, uh, you take
your chain‐smokin'..

No cookin'

credit‐impaired behind
right up on outta here.

Yeah! What she just said, yeah.

Yo, Overton.

I've been thinkin' about
this dinner with Max

and, uh, I'm just not
sure what to do, man.

If you want my opinion,
I say dress casual.

You have a tendency
to... overdress.

I'm trying to decide whether
or not I should go at all.

Oh, man. Put some wool socks
on those cold feet and get goin'.

'Hold up, hold up.'

Are you implying that I,
Kyle Barker am afraid?

Afraid, chicken, lily‐livered.
Call it what you will.

Two cookie kids belong together.

Everyone knows it
except for you two.

Yeah, man, but Max
is only havin' me over

because she thinks I'm a hero.

Well, you disarmed a man
that had a gun in her face

I'm guessin' that qualifies.

Yeah, truth be told

I was just runnin' in to
get some Kaopectate.

Yeah.

When I ran in, I accidentally
knocked the guy over

I didn't even know what was
goin' on until Max straddled me.

So, instead of being a hero

you just a klutz
with a trutz, huh?

Hey, don't worry about it,
your secret's safe with me.

Man, isn't it wrong
to take advantage?

I mean, she's throwin' herself
all over me because of a lie.

Oh, man, you didn't
seem to have that problem

when she was all lickin'‐‐.

Hey, hey, hey.

So, what are you sayin', I
should go through with this?

Heck, yeah.

Float on.

If I'm gonna find
out if this is real

between me and Max,
it can't happen like this.

I'll gonna tell her the truth.

Da, da, da. Ha!

[phone ringing]

(Max on answering machine)
'Yeah, hey, you know who this is'

'uh, leave a message, you know.'

[beeps]

(Kyle on phone)
'Max, uh, this is Kyle.'

'I've been thinking about
your invitation to dinner..'

Yeah.

'...very flattered, it's
very generous of you..'

Thank you.

'...but, uh, the truth is'

'we‐well, I just don't deserve
it. Thanks anyway. Bye.

Well...

Out of the eight possible
roommates we've interviewed

I only kinda like the
biker who's smokin' a joint.

I don't want her to go either,
but I won't sit here and beg.

(Regine) 'Watch it! Watch it!'

Hey, hey, watch that corner.

Alright, Regine. What
you got in this box? Books?

No, no, that's the heavy
box. This is just sandals.

Alright, Kyle, I don't know
who you think you are

but I did not spend the
whole day cooking, cleaning

and hanging pictures
for the first time

so that you could cancel
on me at the last minute.

‐ But‐‐ ‐ But nothing.

I've had enough
of this humility crap.

You saved my life, and there is
such a thing as been gracious.

‐ Max‐‐ ‐ Max my ass.

I've got a roast that's ready.

A salad that's going to wilt,
and candles I plan to light.

So you're coming to my house.

I'm gonna stuff food down
your throat and you'll feel faint.

Is that clear?

Max, you seem to
have a lot of energy.

Can you help us with this box?

My house. 6 o'clock sharp.

Or from now on, our
relationship is going to become

really unpleasant.

[door closes]

Yeah, right. Like
I'm scared of her.

Like she gonna
tell me what to do.

Please..

I'm going.

[knock on door]

Six o'clock, on the dot.

Well, I wouldn't dare be late

after such a
gracious invitation.

Just shut up and come in.

So, this is the palace
of Maximus, huh?

Ha, I figure this is
where you trap them and..

That's where you cage 'em, huh?

Only by request. The rest are
released back into the water.

Ah, so you have a piano.
I didn't know you play.

I don't.

It's a gift from McLay.
Well, not really.

But, uh, when he gives me
the 1800 bucks he owes me

he can have it back.

[piano music]

I see you don't play either.

‐ Let's see what
you can do. ‐ Okay.

[sighs]

Liberace.

[off‐key piano music]

[chuckling]

And not one lesson.

I see nothin' but potential.
Come here, put your hand here.

♪ That's a C ♪

♪ That's a D ♪

[hums softly]

♪ Ye ooh ooh ooh.. ♪

Ooh, yes, crab
cakes! Crab cakes.

And this desk, that
box, and that plant.

Well, that's it.

‐ I guess this
is it. ‐ Guess so.

Bye, Regine.

Stop her! This is your
chance to be the mature one.

No, this is Regine's
chance to be the mature one.

Look at her. She's just waiting
for you to ask her to stay.

How can you tell?

Because I'm
looking with my heart.

Well, take you
heart to Lenscrafters

because I ain't seeing it.

Please..

‐ I'll smoke. ‐ You wouldn't.

[chuckling] Oh, yeah.

Soon as I find a match

this place is gonna smell
like a bar in the east village.

Okay, okay.

Alright, I will talk
to her... for you.

You are not a well‐woman.

Look, um, Regine, how would
you react if someone were to say

they were sorry,
and ask you to stay?

I never really thought about it.

I guess I'll have to be
in that situation to know.

So you might stay if
someone would ask?

Honestly, I don't know.

Okay, Regine, I will admit..

When you told me you were
moving out, I didn't believe you.

Well, look, don't do this
just to prove me wrong.

I am really, really
sorry. I want you to stay.

I know you really
mean that, Khadijah.

Thanks.

But I really think we've
outgrown each other.

I need to do this for me.

Unbelievable!

You mean to tell me

you get me to break down and
apologize, and you leave anyway?

You are true to form
to the end. See ya.

‐ Ciao. ‐ Bye.

‐ X's and O's. ‐ Later.

Ah, you..

[sighs]

I don't think I've
ever seen you carry

a tray of food that
you were not eating.

I don't think I've ever seen
you without losing my appetite.

But here we are.

‐ Thank you. ‐ Mm‐hmm.

Um..

Look, I'm not real good
with this gratitude thing.

So, um, open it.

Oh, wow.

Max, this is beautiful.

It belonged to my grandfather.

Now it's yours.

You gave me more time.

It keeps time.

Ooh, that's corny.

[laughing]

But you know what I'm saying.

Um, I‐I don't know
what to say, Max, uh..

‐ I can't except this. ‐
Yes, you can, dammit!

Come on, why are you
making this so hard?

Because it was an
accident, woman, alright?

What?

I didn't even know the
store's been robbed.

I just bumped into the guy.

So I do not deserve
your gratitude

or the watch, or the crab cakes.

So come on and insult
me in that special Max way.

You know I'd love to.

I'd really love to. But I can't.

Kyle, it doesn't matter
whether you did it by accident

or on purpose.

You saved my life.

So, so, wait. What
are you saying?

If some policeman had
disarmed that gunman

he'd be standing here
right now instead of me?

Maybe for drinks.

But I would not have
defrosted the seafood.

So then, this is more
than just a thank you?

Oh, I don't know.
You know, look.

When you called and canceled..

I was upset.

Like I'd been stood
up by a real date.

Well, um, this kinda
feels like a real date.

Yeah.

[chuckling]

Truth be told, I've..

Been developing a sort
of sick curiosity about you.

[laughs]

Well, um, I must
admit to a certain

perverse fascination
with your inner workings.

‐ So what do we do now? ‐ Hey..

This is your house.
I am just a guest.

Nah! We can't, we can't.

You know, things could
really get complicated.

Yeah. We live to regret it.

[laughs]

Whoo! It would be the
stupidest thing we've ever done.

But it's not like we
haven't done it before.

[chuckling]

Yeah, yeah. But, but
that was by circumstance.

This time it would be by choice.

I've always been pro‐choice.

Well, it would be a shame
not to take advantage of that.

A waste.

[laughing]

You know, Max, uh..

You could get addicted..

[laughing]

Please..

‐ You may never leave.
‐ You may be right.

[chuckling]

Oh, no! What the
hell are we doing?

I don't know. I'm following you.

Come on, you're
not helping me here.

Max.

Tell me, what do
you want from me?

I don't know.

But look, alright.

This is moving way too fast.

‐ Let's just slow it down.
‐ Maybe you're right.

Maybe we should take
this one step at a time.

[sighs]

Is this really going to happen?

It's been happenin'.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

H‐how much for the Kools?

‐ Three dollars.
‐ And Marlboros?

‐ Three dollars. ‐ How
much for the lights?

‐ Three dollars. ‐
Oh, they're lights.

They should be cheaper.

[coughing]

Are you gonna buy somethin'
or stand there suckin' air?

Okay, okay, okay. Uh, uh..

Chewing tobacco. How
much is chewing tobacco?

‐ 'Synclaire!' ‐ Huh?

Damn, it's a bust. We never
had this conversation. Shh!

What, what, what..

Woo‐hoo!