Living Single (1993–1998): Season 2, Episode 13 - A Hair-Razing Experience - full transcript

Okay, yes, I'll tell
Khadijah you called.

Hey, so how do
you like Montenegro?

Well, give my
regards to the king.

Oh! Uh... then give my
regards to the rebel leader.

Oh, okay. Alright, bye.

Hey, was that Scooter?

Hmm. You just missed him, girl.

Again? Damn.

So sick of him bein' on tour.

Did he leave a number?

Uh‐uh. He just
landed in Montenegro.



But he said the concert
went great and he'll call you

when he gets to Vienna.

Oh and he haid "Ich liebe
dich." which means I love you.

Bad enough I can't
hear it from him

I gotta hear it with
your phony accent.

So, how did he sound?
Did he sound cute?

Adorable.

Like he had on tight jeans?

And no drawers.

Well, did he sound like
you know, like he miss me?

Khadijah, in the whole
ten seconds that we spoke

I sensed nothing but utter
lonliness and total despair.

Aw, puss‐guddy‐poody.

Well, that's what
he get for leavin' me.



[theme song]

♪ We are living single ♪

♪ Ooh in a 90's kinda world ♪

♪ I'm glad I got my gurls ♪

♪ Keep ya head up ♪
♪ What ♪

♪ Keep ya head up ♪
♪ That's right ♪

♪ Wheneva this life get tough ♪
♪ You gotta fight ♪

♪ With my home gurl standin'
to my left and my right ♪

♪ True blue we tight like glue ♪

♪ We are living single ♪

This long distance
relationship is gettin' tired.

Oh, you and Scooter will
learn how to deal with it.

Buddy and I are apart
for months of the time

but every time I
vist Minneapolis

we're still closer than ever.

Now I know what
you're gonna say.

Buddy is a poodle.

No. I was gonna say
Synclaire, shut up.

Buddy would never
tell me to shut up.

That's why we're still so close.

'Course Buddy is a
dog and dogs can't talk

but we communicate
on a whole other level.

I really never had a long
distance relationship before

but I did hook‐up with
this guy on the plane once.

Got in trouble when he broke
the smoke detector with his foot.

What do your random exploits

have to do with
Khadijah's problem?

You wanna stay on the subject
or you wanna hear a good story?

So, what happened next?

He got dressed. Went
back to the cockpit.

Oh my God!

Give me that.

Hey, wassup? Wassup?

Khadijah, you got a history
book on Kenya, yeah?

Yeah, right in the shelf.

Right between
"La Toya, my story"

and "Wynona Judd, my story."

Yeah, Kyle's puttin' finishin'
touches on the plan that would

not only benefit himself but the
rest of the world as we know it.

He's gonna be like a young,
black dreadlock wearin' Gandhi.

Ha ha ha. Thank you, Overton.

I'm makin' my first presentation
to the partners tomorrow.

So lettin' your boss
whoop your behind at tennis

really paid off, huh?

Yeah, but no,
they're really excited

about my idea for an
African Mutual Fund.

The continent has
been pretty much ignored

by the financial community

and I'm going to be the
man to capitalize on it.

So this means you'll be
movin' to Africa soon, huh?

Now there's a long distance
relationship that could work.

Sorry, Jane Pittman.

I'm gonna stay right
here in New York, alright?

And get promoted in the process.

This is gonna be my
ticket to the next level.

Oh, please, can't that
ticket take you to Africa?

When I do get promoted I'll
take you all to the Rainbow Room.

‐ What? ‐ Yes!

Oh except for you.

Come on, Kyle,
I was just kiddin'.

Ah. Aww. Good luck
at the big meetin', huh.

Mm‐mm‐mwah.

Ugh!

(Kyle) 'Okay,
let's see, let's see.'

Um, Greetings and
felicitations, gentlemen.

No, no, this is
too stiff, too stiff.

Y'all wassup?

[indistinct chattering]

Good morning, Kyle.

Running a little late,
Kyle. You got six minutes.

Well, I'll only need
five‐and‐a‐half.

We can spend the last
30 seconds schmoozing.

[laughing]

Okay. I'll use all six minutes.

Gentlemen, here's a complete
outline for my proposal.

Now, knowing that the firm

is always looking to
develop emerging markets.

My research shows that the
next financial frontier is Africa.

By the way, Kyle, that's
a handome laser pointer.

Ow, thanks. Sharper
image. $129.95.

Um, but as I was saying

Africa is a continent
poised for growth.

We're looking at a economic
expansion rate of over 30 to 40%

within the next 12 months.

How can we assure our investors

that Africa is a safe
and stable market?

Well, it's about
potential, Lawrence

I mean with Nelson
Mandela in office

the continent is
more stable than ever.

And remember our perception
of Latin America in the '80s.

And you know how much this firm

makes of Latin America
investments today.

I know.

And why do you
think the cafeteria

is having a salute
to Costa Rica?

Exactly. And the African
fund can be just as profitable.

Assuming we have a Funds Manager

with great expertise
and experience.

I suggest myself.

That's a bit greedy, Kyle.

Good for you.

Well, you gentlemen
were my role models.

Well, on that note..

So, um, when can I
expect to hear a decision?

When we tell you.

Fair enough.

Ah, good job,
Kyle. Very creative.

Better get going, gentlemen.

We have lunch with those
Japanese investors again.

You know what that means.

Burgers and fries and
another matinee of "Cats".

Woo!

[snoring]

Br‐r‐ring!

Scooter?

[Maxine laughing]

Hey!

I see you stayed up all night,
waiting for Scooter to call.

I did not. I stayed up till two.

I got up at four.

But between two and
four I slept like a rock.

What time was he
supposed to call?

This morning.

Tomorrow, his time.

Yesterday evening,
my time, today.

Khadijah, go to bed.

I can't.

I don't wanna
miss Scooter's call.

Khadijah, Scooter called
last night around 2:30.

'I was gonna wake you but
you were sleeping so soundly.'

Just like a little angel.

Did you talk to him?
What did he say?

Oh, we had a lovely chat.

The record company
charted a private boat

and Scooter and the ladies from
the band cruised the river Seine

and then, they danced the
night away at a private party

atop the Eiffel Tower.

[whimpering]

I could tell he was
having no fun at all

since you weren't there.

[phone ringing]

Hello?

‐ What? ‐ Is that Scooter?

I‐I can't understand you.

Is that Scooter?

No, it's my grandmother.

Nana, put your teeth in, honey.

Oh, calm down, shortie.
You gon' hyper‐ventilate again

and we're all out of paper bags.

Overton, I don't get it.

They were obviously impressed
with my proposal, right?

And yesterday Jeffrey went
out of his way to say hello to me

at the water cooler.

You know, I don't understand
why I haven't heard anything

about this promotion yet.

Do people really stand
by the water cooler?

Man, you miss so much
when you work for yourself.

Good morning.

Yeah, what's good about it?

Full fur.

It's warm, it's chic
and politically correct.

Kyle, did you get
that big promotion?

No. It's been three days I
have heard nothing about it.

It's eatin' me up inside.

Well, bon apetit.

[slurping]

Look, don't worry, Kyle.

Good things come
to those who wait.

Unless, of course
you're on death row.

Good luck.

You know, Overton, I can't
take this anymore, man.

Then don't.

March up to one of those
partners and demand a answer.

Overton, you do not march up
to a partner and make demands.

You compliment them on
their business accumen.

You point out their
fine taste in ties

while you read something
on their desk upside down.

There's gotta be
somebody down at the firm

you can ask for advice.

What about that
brother Lawrence?

We played poker with him.

That Lawrence is an
egotistical, self‐centered jackass.

But he's a jackass
you got access to.

I wonder if he's free for lunch.

Mm‐hmm.

Your hardwork has brought
the firm some good returns.

And yeilded some
very satisfying numbers.

As a result, our
team is now third

in the Wall Street
Basketball League.

[cheering]

Yes. Yes, keep it up.

‐ Hey, Lawrence. ‐
Hey, how you doing?

Seems you have a good
basketball team this year.

They played like
a bunch of girls.

What can I do for you?

Well, I wanted to talk.

Uh..Hey that's
one heck of a tie.

Thank you.

Look, I want to ask
you for some advice.

Sure, what's the problem?

Well, it seemed to me that
my presentation went well.

I know there's a lot of red tape

but it's been three days.
I haven't heard anything.

Yeah, it can be frustrating.

I remember when I was looking
at the process from your side.

Ah‐ha.

Okay. What did you
think of my proposal?

It was very impressive.

But you should be aware
there is one stumbling block.

What?

It's your appearance.

[giggling]

But this jacket is Armani,
this vest is Versace

these pants are Cerruti,
I mean I could go on.

Kyle, no. It's not your
clothes. It's your hair.

‐ My hair? ‐ 'Yes.'

What does that have to do with
me becoming Funds Manager?

Well, we don't think
it's corporate enough.

It has never been
a problem before.

Kyle, you don't get
promoted around here

by going against the grain.

Look, if this Africa
project goes through

you'll be representing
this company

to a much higher
level clientele.

'And then your appearance
becomes much more important.'

So, take my advice..

Change the hair.

[theme music]

[audience laughing]

Kyle, come on, honey. I think
you made the right choice.

It's conservative yet stylish.

It's just not me, alright.

[audience applauding]

Well, that's the great
thing about wearing wigs.

I mean, you can be who
ever they want on the outside

but underneath
the nylon, the pins

and the practical
no‐sweat band, you're you.

Hey how about somethin' old
that somethin' new again, huh?

The shag. Come on,
just try it, come on.

For you, for you.
Alright, alright..

[audience laughing]

[gasping]

Don't even try. It is too late.

We saw you sitting there
looking like a black David Cassidy.

Guys, Kyle is
in a career crisis.

So you can either stay here
and help or you can leave.

Can we just stay
here and laugh at him?

[audience laughing]

Check it out, y'all.
Receding hairline.

[all laughing]

‐ Would you give
me that? ‐ 'Hmm.'

What the hell is goin' on here?

It seems that the only
way that I will be getting

my promotion is if I
change my hairstyle

to something more corporate.

Those bastards!

All those good reasons
to hold you back

and they pick
something unfair like this.

My boss tried to get me
to change my hair once.

You're the one that
got your hair caught

in the paper shredder
two days in a row.

I mean, I merely
suggested a trim.

Still think I could have
gotten workman's comp.

Kyle, you must know that when
you work in the corporate world

sometimes you have
to conform to get ahead.

So you would change
your hairstyle, huh?

Hell, no. That's why I went
into business for myself.

I'm no one's puppet.

We all have to
compromise sometimes.

And if changing your
hair means helping Africa

and gettin' paid,
I say, snip snip.

Regine makes a cogent point.

Why not remove the
moral dilemma altogether?

Do like I did. Go all natural.

See, you'll save a ton of
money on that jojoba shampoo.

Not only that,
the ladies love it.

It accentuates his sexy ears
and brings out his eyebrows.

But my dreads are an
expression of my culture.

If I change my hair
wouldn't that be sellin' out?

Kyle, you're a stock broker.

You're a sellout, either way.

Kyle, maybe you should
try working within the system.

Just till you get into
a position of power.

And then you can tell
else how to wear their hair.

You know, I have
worked and come too far

to let something like my
hair hold me back now.

Besides, maybe it
is time for a change.

Overton, who's this miracle
barber you've been telling me?

Alright. You go down to
Shane's and ask for Moe.

He's the best there.

He's the little guy
about four‐foot three.

But don't worry 'cause
the chair's in a pit.

[audience laughing]

Certainly the fund would require
an expert hand to manage it.

That's why I suggest
myself as funds manager.

Kyle, that's an
impressive presentation.

However, there is one little
adjustment you can make.

Um, anything.

The tie.

I‐I like it.

Of course the suit must go.

Hey... I'm a team player.

Nice fabric, and...
the shoes work.

Something's missing.

I don't know about this.

Hey, Kyle.

Overton, man, I'm
so glad to see... you.

Meet Moe, the barber.

Snip, snip. Snip, snip.

Um, this concludes
my presentation.

Kyle! It's time to
perform for the queen.

The, the queen?

Your majesty.

[audience laughing]

Make me laugh!

[screaming]

Ooh.

Okay, Tokyo. Budapest.

Regine. I just don't
think I can pull it off.

No, I think it looks adorable.

No, really. I can't pull it off.

Khadijah, scooter just
called us from London.

Said he was trying to reach
you, but your phone's been busy.

Max, didn't you hear
that phone beep?

Michael, I gotta go. Someone
needs to use the phone.

Arthur, I gotta go. Someone
needs to use the phone.

Why you go tie up
both lines like that?

Only one of them
was long distance.

Did he leave a number?

He's just checked
out of the hotel

and about to catch a
ferry over to Ireland.

He did leave a message.

He said that he's
thinkin' of you all the time.

The photo shoot went
well and that he and the girls

met the queen of England
and danced the night away

at Buckingham palace.

Isn't he just havin' a
merry old cheerio time?

Bloody twit!

Girl, I know Scooter's
workin'. But it also sounds like

he's livin' the life while
you're living by the phone.

Mmm, you're missin' sleep,
you don't go out at nights.

Haven't done laundry in
weeks. I'm runnin' out of clothes.

Look, Scooter is
just doing his job.

Do you think it's easy taking
care of four beautiful women?

Escorting them
to all those clubs.

Making sure their
skirts are short enough.

Scheduling their bikini waxes.

Damn! I need a
life and this is not it.

I mean, I'm gonna stop sittin'
and worryin' about that phone.

And if Scooter catches
me, he just catches me.

That's right. Good.

Remember, I like my socks
rolled from the open part down

to the toe not the other
way like you've been doing it.

How long is Kyle
gonna keep us waiting.

First he calls a special
meeting and then he's late.

He's learning.

Glad you all could make it.

This had better be good.

What can we do for you, Kyle?

Actually this is about
what I cannot do for you.

Um... when I joined this
firm about three years ago.

I believed it to be a place
where person advanced

because of his or her ability.

But I've come to realize
that this firm values

'the superficial
over the substantial.'

But I cannot violate
my personal integrity.

My hair is not just for
fashion. It's part of my heritage.

It is a statement of pride.

[audience applauding]

A statement, by the way
which could show our clients

that this firm is not
progressive when investing

it's money, but also progressive
when investing in it's people.

So gentlemen, whether you
decide to promote me or not..

I will not change my hair.

[audience applauding]

Okay.

‐ That's it? ‐ Kyle.

Uh, we resolved the
hair issue this morning.

When Lawrence brought
it up we were concerned.

After some discussion
we came to the conclusion

that you have just
so eloquently stated.

If we wanted to bring it up
to you Kyle, we would have.

How did you hear
about it, anyway?

Lawrence.

You know I feel it's not in
keeping with the company image.

You really need to loosen up.

We were gonna save this
for the board meetin', Kyle.

But, uh, we're gonna
go ahead with the project

and promote you
the funds manager.

Thank you, sir.

Unless you want to take
a stand about your goatee

I guess we're about done.

‐ Congratulations. ‐
Thank you very much.

‐ Well done. ‐ Thank you.

Uh, Kyle. No hard feelings, huh.

No feelings at all, man.

Look, I was just trying to help.

You see, that's the sad part.

You actually believe that.

Yeah.

I do.

[theme music]

[whistling]

[audience laughing]

Overton, how you doin'?

Ah, doin' pretty good,
man. How about yourself?

I'm doin' alright. How's
your girl, Synclaire?

Oh, she's fine, man.

We're still kind of,
you know taking it easy.

We're gonna take our time.

Oh, I love that Khadijah girl.

‐ You and Khadijah. ‐ Man,
that would be something.

The possibilities are
endless, Moe, my man.

Ha? Don't laugh while you
cut my hair though. Alright.

(female ♫1) Whoo‐hoo!

[woman chuckles]