Living Single (1993–1998): Season 2, Episode 1 - There's Got to Be a Morning After - full transcript

Oh, look, Khadijah,
more flowers!

Baby, I'm back! Ha ha ha!

Scooter!

Hey.

Now what?

How about this?

You're suspending me?

No, let's just call it an
extended... vacation.

You sure you don't
wanna give me a raise?

Damn.

Man, I had the day from hell.



Come on, Khadijah,
let's do this.

Max..

This is not exactly
the best timing.

Can we talk later?

Oh.

‐ Oh, shoot. Oh! ‐ Ooh, ooh.

‐ Ugh! ‐ Ugh!

Okay. Okay, this is,
this is a nightmare.

Let's just shake it off, man.

Ooh! Yeah, that's it.

Oh, you got to shake harder.

You got to shake it harder.

Wait, wait, w‐wait.

‐ Aah. ‐ Uh.



We drank the whole bottle?

Why is there salt in my navel?

‐ Okay. Ha ha ha ha!
Whoo! ‐ Okay. Okay.

You don't think we..

‐ Ha ha! ‐ No.

‐ Aah! ‐ God looks out for me.

Aah, uh..

God must've blinked.

Mm. Mm.

‐ Kyle? ‐ Mm?

‐ If I hear one word
of this.. ‐ Mm‐hmm.

I will kill you burn you

and salt the earth
where I bury you.

So, that nothing..

Will ever grow there again.

You do not have to worry.

I do not brag
about charity work.

Ooh.

Aah! Shit.

Come on, man, give me that.

‐ Give me that! ‐
W‐wait, wait, wait!

Well..

I can see you takin' advantage

of havin' the place
all to yourself.

Yeah.

What was that?

Umm, that is a rat I just
chased into the kitchen.

Oh. Well, let's just take
a little look, shall we?

Uh, Overton, Overton, you know,
you, heh, must be exhausted.

‐ Out all night and
stuff. ‐ That's true, man.

Nothin' takes it out of
you like a '70s film fest.

Too much of that a
hand‐held cameras.

Yeah, yeah, that
good, now look..

Why don't you go and
get some rest, yeah?

‐ Yeah. Good idea. ‐ Yeah?

‐ Well, I'm tired. ‐ Okay.

Oh, um..

You got the, uh, Rat‐O‐Matic
and fake cheese in the closet.

‐ 'In the closet.' ‐ Alright?

Yeah.

‐ Come quickly. ‐ Oh, God, oh!

Open it, open it.

‐ Go, go. ‐ Aa‐aah!

Aahh!

♪ We are living ♪
♪ Hey ♪

♪ Single ♪

♪ Ooh in a '90s kind of world ♪

♪ I'm glad I've got my girls ♪

♪ Keep ya head up ♪
♪ What ♪

♪ Keep ya head up ♪
♪ That's right ♪

♪ Wheneva this life get
tough you gotta fight ♪

♪ Wit' my home girl standin'
to my left and my right ♪

♪ True blue we tight like glue ♪

♪ We are living ♪
♪ Check check check it out ♪

♪ Single ♪
♪ No free position ♪

♪ Ah‐hh‐hh ♪

Hey, hey, everybody.

Life gave me lemons,
so I made lemonade.

‐ Ooh, no. ‐ No, I'm sorry.

‐ No, I'm fine.
Mm‐mm. ‐ Oh, well.

What you do when life
gives you lemonade?

Make popsicles. Be right back.

Oh, Synclaire, Synclaire.

While you're down there,
would you give me diet soda?

‐ I'm thirsty. ‐ Alright, then.

Heh heh, I love
Synclaire. Ha ha ha.

Scooter.

You get my ear all soggy.

Sorry.

No, no, baby, don't stop.

I just want you to
switch to the other ear.

Oh!

‐ Max... on the roof. ‐
Good to see you, Max.

Oh!

Scooter.

Khadijah told me
you wouldn't be here.

I was just about to leave.

But, he'll be around a lot more

when he gets this job
with Halogen Records.

Okay. Isn't love beautiful now?

‐ Push on, now. ‐ Ha ha ha.

Max, don't ever change, huh?

Don't tell me what to do.

Good luck cheerin' her up.

Oh, you're leaving.

We were just about to have
popsicles in four‐five hours.

‐ Save me one. ‐ Okay.

Alright.

So, what's the buzz, cuz?

What happened last night?

Well, Alonzo left.

And Scooter and I got to talking

and you know how
it is between us.

We can't fight it, one
thing lead to another

and another and another,
all up in the kitchen.

Ooh!

Ooh!

Well, I feel like crap.

Hold up, everybody.

I sense Max wants
to share something.

‐ Uh. ‐ What's wrong?

Oh.

I will never ever drink again!

Ooh, Max, who are you
sorry you spent the night with?

Now, you see, that just
shows how much you know.

If Max had spent the
night with someone

she'd have the relaxed
look on her face, you know.

Uh, uh... Oh, yes.

Okay, girl, come on, who was it?

Regine, get off it.

No, not until I find
out who she was on.

Look, I came here
to relax, okay?

‐ So, let's just
all relax! ‐ Okay.

‐ Very well. ‐ Thank you.

♪ Tell me something good ♪

♪ Tell me that you like it.. ♪

Isn't that funny?

You two singing
the same little diddy?

‐ Listen, I'm gonna go.
‐ Listen, I'm gonna go.

‐ I'll stay you go.
‐ I'll stay you go.

‐ Okay, you go
after. ‐ You go after.

Guys, you're making
me dizzy already!

‐ You guys just
chill! ‐ I was tryin'.

Did you all see that?

‐ What? ‐ Max.

‐ Well, what'd
she do? ‐ Nothin'.

That's what I'm talking about.

Look at Kyle's shoulders.

'Ain't 'em space booties?'

Wait, wait, wait,
she ain't said a word.

I don't know. Maybe
she didn't noticed.

No.

Hey, Kyle.

Nice jams.

Very Caribbean.

Thanks, babe.

Wait a minute.

Max, you have nothing to say?

No.

Not even about those
ashy camel knees?

No.

Yeah, something's going on.

Hey, you, uh..

‐ You alright, man?
‐ I'm fine. Why?

It's just that usually you got
somethin' overly observant

to say 'bout your
girl Max by now.

Oh, well, not today, man.

Look, umm..

I've had enough sun.
I'm gonna get out of here.

I'll talk to you later. Bye.

'Hey, look..'

Uh, excuse me..

I gotta go see what's
wrong with him.

Plus, I gotta go and get
some of that SPF30 for my..

Virgin skin.

Obie, your hair?

Yeah, girl, I was tryin'
to tighten up my feet

and somethin'
went terribly wrong.

‐ Oh. ‐ See you.

Max! Homie.

What's up, baby? You
seem a little depressed.

Oh, please! I'm not.

It's your imagination.

I'm fine! I'm on
top of the world!

Oh, if you love me, push me.

Look, man, if you won't
tell me what's going on

I can't help you.

Obie, there's nothin'
anyone can do.

D‐don't you see,
you‐you cannot turn back

the hands of time, man?

Sit down.

Overton, last night
I did something.

For which... I may never
be able to forgive myself.

It was the unthinkable..

The unspeakable..

The most horrible..

Most heinous..

The most repulsive..

You slept with Kyle?

You clawed up to Sync again?

I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!

You had that serious
after‐sex look in your eyes.

I just thought she had gas.

You slept with Kyle!

You hate Kyle. I can't even
believe you let him touch you.

We used a condom.

How the hell did this happen?

Well, I had to talk to somebody!

Well, you could have
just talked to Kyle.

You didn't have to...
get natural with him.

Believe me, there was
nothing natural about it.

Oh!

Yeah, well, I knew
somethin' freaky was going on

when I found Max's suede
pump under the chair.

Uh, by the way,
I fixed the heel.

And to think, I actually
drank out of this.

Look here, man, it's
time for some tough love.

Man, there's obviously
somethin' between you and Max.

‐ Oh, but, you‐‐ ‐ Look, stop.

Now, what you all need
to do is just figure out

if it's love or hate.

Oh, Max.

Max, if you really hated Kyle

you couldn't have
slept with him.

No, no. Max is
versatile that way.

Oh, I can't believe it.

I got suspended from work.

I slept with a toad.

And, now, I have to
live with the memory.

Why me?

Well, girl, that's what happens
when you don't put money

in the collection plate
three weeks in a row.

Mm‐hmm.

Maxine Shaw, I would
like to have a word with you

in private, please.

Anything you have to say to me

you can say in
front of my girls.

Fine! Will you have
dinner with me tonight?

Yes! ‐ Pick you up at 7:00.

Isn't anyone else the
least bit concerned

that Max and Kyle are on a date?

The repercussions of their
union will be very cataclysmic.

The lion and the
lamb will live as one.

The law of gravity
will be repelled!

It's gonna be bad all around!

Girl, you here to play,
or you here to talk?

Oh, my.

Well, Kyle and Max seem
like a good couple to me.

Everybody seems like
a good couple to you.

I believe in love.

And you just keep on
keepin' on, sweet pea.

‐ Hey, baby. ‐ Hey,
baby, what's up?

Did you get the job?

Uh, well, it's like this.

You're looking at the new
director of artist relations

for Halogen Records!

Oh, joys!

Now, if Max and
Kyle get together

everybody's gonna
have a man, but me.

Max and Kyle are gettin'
together? Hey, good for them.

Oh, what do you know?

You haven't been
around but a minute.

Regine, relax!

Max and Kyle are
not gettin' together.

They have spent too many
years dissing each other.

They don't know anything else.

They know how to
wear out a good recliner.

Oh.

Maxine, we did not come
here not to talk to each other.

Fine. Talk away.

Well, we've never
really gotten along.

Right from the start,
remember you were bringing

that box into the house?

Mm‐hmm. You asked
me if I need a help.

And you said, "Drop that.
I can carry my own box."

‐ Scrawny bucket head grime.
‐ Scrawny bucket head grime.

‐ You remembered? ‐ 'Ha ha.'

My memory is one
of my greatest assets.

I believe you've become
acquainted with the other.

Look here, Kyle.

I was traumatized after
being suspended from work.

I was desperate
and out of my mind.

What's your excuse?

You're beautiful when I'm drunk.

And, besides, I mean, at least,
you can say you slept with me.

You still have your dignity.

What do I have?

No chance in hell
of getting seconds.

Thirds, Max. Thirds.

You make me sick!

‐ You make me
puke. ‐ You are puke.

‐ Dance? ‐ Love to.

Alright. So, what do you think?

‐ Maxine Barker? ‐ Oh.

Maxine Shaw‐Barker?

Uh‐uh, Maxine Barker‐Shaw?

I mean, for real,
if they hook up

his name is gonna be Kyle Shaw.

I don't care what
they call themselves.

This cannot happen!

Oh, Regine, I think
you'd be happy.

If they start dating, maybe she
won't be down here so much.

Oh, please! Who're
you foolin', huh?

In no time this
place will be crawlin'

with freeloadin'
dreadlock havin'

crumb‐snatchin'
little Barker‐Shaws!

Well, if they have five of 'em,
they can form a singin' group.

Okay, do you think Max
and Kyle would change?

Duh! Of course, they will.

Everybody does. Look at her.

I haven't changed.

‐ Have I, skooie‐pooie? ‐ Mmm.

It's all good, baby.

Oh, get a room.

Excuse you.

Can we get back to the
tragedy at hand, huh?

Okay.

Now, has anyone considered

what will happen to me, if
Max and Kyle get together?

I'm sorry.

We must have gotten all
our priorities all messed up.

What will happen to you?

All of Max's bitterness will
have to find a new target.

She's afraid of you.
Synclaire will cry.

So, that leaves moi.

And I'm not havin' it.

You know, Regine, while you
were talkin' I had a minute to think.

You need to shut up.

Okay, fine. It's alright. I
don't need none of ya'll.

I will be the lone voice
of sanity in this room.

But if they come back in here
talkin' that weird couple mess

I will drive a wedge
between them.

You give me three days

a camera... and an airbrush kit.

Anyone can do what you can.

But you remember
what happened last time.

You wanna go to court again?

Alright, calm down.
This is ridiculous.

We're talkin' about
a couple's destiny.

We can't just
trivialize it like this.

‐ Let's put some
money on it. ‐ Okay.

This is your problem, Maxine.

You don't know how
to let a man lead.

I've seen where you can take me.

I don't wanna go there.

Afraid?

Bored.

Maxine, why're you so
threatened by my manhood, huh?

Don't you have
enough of your own?

Mm.

You know, you held
your own out there.

Well, you managed to catch
me off guard a couple of times.

Oh, Max, you've
always got your guard up.

Hey, when you let it
go, you can get hurt.

Not all the time.

What about last night?

What about it?

Come on, Max, admit it.

It was good.

Mm, it didn't stink.

Alright, who had the soup?

Oh, thank you.

So, Maxine..

What's it going to be?

Kyle, we've known
each other for a long time.

Sniping..

Fighting..

Cutting each other down.

I don't wanna lose all that.

Neither do I.

Ooh, salsa!

Please, you can't do salsa.

Aah, yeah.

Well..

‐ Ah, you're home!
‐ How'd it go?

Anything interesting go down?

That you care to share?

Alright, look, let's
get to the point.

You'll are not a
couple, are you?

Please, I'm not drunk tonight.

And your face killed my buzz.

Scarecrow.

Mop head.

Well, there's nothin' to see.

Come on, everybody, back to
your homes. Let's go, let's go.

Pay up, I win, I win. Give me
my money, give me my money.

Thanks! Come on,
get, get, get to steppin'.

That's what you get for
slidin' a skootie‐pootie.

Goodnight, Kyle.

Goodnight, Max.

Whoo‐hoo!