Living Single (1993–1998): Season 1, Episode 9 - Just Friends? - full transcript

The people down at the
shelter are going to love me

when they see
what I am donating.

Regine...

these people are
poor, not tasteless.

Well, then maybe
you should take it.

And here's a box
of tissue to fill it.

Ooh, look‐‐ my
old bag of marbles.

Oh, I lost these ages ago.

Too easy, yo.

These marbles used to be
on the bottom of my turtle tank.

When I was six and
family made the big move



from St. Paul to Minneapolis.

Oh, I was so lonely.

So my mother brought
me a little turtle Fred.

Oh, I loved Fred. He
was my best friend.

What happened
to Fred? He bit me.

I put him on the Popsicle
raft and send him off the river.

Hey, hey. Here's
our contribution.

Isaac Hayes eight‐tracks?

What, they wouldn't fit
into the time capsule?

Don't tell me y'all
are giving this away?

Oh, please, put that
back. It's a piece of junk.

I'll give you a dollar for it.

Five.

You just said it was junk.



It's brand‐name junk.

You drive a hard bargain.

I'm going to give you five.

I can get eight on
the street, Shorty.

Uh‐oh. What? A
Playgirl from 1987?

Talk about your horny packrats.

So, wait, why are
y'all holding on to this?

Page 54. Page 54. Page 54.

It's ripped out.

Alright, Max, what did
you do with page 54?

I don't have it.

Regine?

Like I need pictures.

Somebody took page 54.

I'm so ashamed.

♪ Check check check it out
check check check it out ♪

♪ Do what you want
girl no free position ♪

♪ We are living single ♪
♪ Hey ♪

♪ Yes we are living
the single life ♪

♪ We are living single ♪
♪ Hey ♪

♪ Ooh, in a '90s kind of world ♪

♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪
♪ Keep your head up ♪

♪ What? ♪
♪ Keep your head up ♪

♪ That's right ♪

♪ Whenever this life get tough ♪
♪ You got to fight with ♪

♪ My homegirls standing
to my left and my right ♪

♪ True blue, and
tight like glue ♪

♪ We are living ♪
♪ Check, check, check it out ♪

♪ Check, check, check it out ♪

♪ Single ♪
♪ Do what you want, girl... ♪

♪ Ooh, in a '90s kind of world ♪

♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪
♪ Aah ♪

Synclaire, what is all this?

I'm studying for my
accounting exam.

Ooh, it's really hard.

Who knew there would
be so many numbers?

Let me know if I can help.

Maybe you can answer a question.

When you're debiting
a revenue account

do you have to add in
assets and liabilities?

If I tell you the answer,
you'll never learn.

Guess who?

Denzel, I told you to stop
bothering me at the office.

Scooter!

Scooter! Wait, wait, wait.

Chill with the Scooter.

The name is Terrence.

Oh, you a big shot
record producer now.

That's right. But
I'm still a homey.

I've got two secretaries
who tell me so.

Well, as long as I'm
around, your name is Scooter.

So how you doin', girl?
As fine as you look?

Well, no one can do that well.

What about you?
What you doing in town?

I just flew from Cali,
check out some groups.

So clear your calendar.

We're getting a little too old
to be running like we used to.

Dancing all night...
partying till dawn...

throwing snowballs at the cops.

Yeah... Yeah, last
Christmas was fun.

Whoo!

Hey, how's Regine?

Oh, still Regine.

Looking for love in
all the wrong wallets.

And the family?

They're good. Everybody's cool.

Hey, whatever happened
to that bugged‐out cousin

of yours from Minneapolis‐‐

the one who used to write
those crazy letters all the time?

Ooh!

It is so nice to be able
to take a relaxing bath

and just wash away all
of the anxieties of the day.

Regine, you've
been home all day.

And it was nice. Don't ruin it.

So, which one of
y'all is making dinner?

Y'all on your own. I'm
going out with Scooter.

Having a great time, aren't you?

Always do‐‐ just
chillin' with my buddy.

No mind games, no
manners, and no makeup.

Oh, hell, you can
be ugly with us.

It's different, though.

It's like going out with a guy

but not going out
with a guy, you know?

Are you saying he's got
a little sugar in his tank?

No! I'm saying
he's just a friend.

Oh, well, why go out with
a guy that's not a date?

That's like taking
a horse for a walk.

Accounting is easy. I am
open and receptive to it.

Accounting is easy. I am
open and receptive to it.

Accounting is easy...
Oh, don't mind me.

I'm just opening my mind to
the accounting fundamentals.

They'll have plenty of
room to play in there.

How's the class going, sweetie?

Well, I've been
having some problems

but not to worry. I've
got someone to help me.

There's my tutor now.

Evening, ladies.

What do you know
about accounting?

Well, I run my own
business plus once I installed

an air conditioner
in a C. P. A.'s office.

Bet you're feeling a little
foolish now, aren't you?

Synclaire... They don't
even know, do they?

Okay, so my first question is

how do you adjust
long‐term assets?

Um, it's kind of bright
in here for studying,

don't you think?

Got any incense?

I'll get it.

Oh, hello, Kyle.

I hate to bother you, but
I've an accounting problem

that I just can't seem to solve.

How's it going, man?

I think she's warming up to me

but how do you adjust
long‐term assets?

Well, you have to consider

depreciation,
amortization and depletion

except in the case
of intangible assets,

which have to be removed
from the contra asset account.

Got it.

One more time.

Hello.

Hey, I'm Terrence.

Oh, I'm Kyle, man.

This is Overton.

Hey, we don't live here.

Is Khadijah here?

Hey, Scooter's in the house!

What's up, baby?

So, Regine, you going
to hang with us tonight?

No, honey, I'd love to

I'm trying to grab three days
this week as pamper‐me days.

Well, check you out.

Got a little money.

Bought yourself some hair.

Shut up!

But I must say, it
looks a lot better

than them clothespins you
used to clip in them pigtails.

Pretending like
she had long hair.

Hey! I looked good.

You looked like
Buckwheat's sister.

Buckwheat had a sister?

I think her name was Darla.

No, man, that was
the little white girl.

Oh, remember the one where
Miss Crabtree gives them cake?

Come on, come on.

Uh‐uh‐uh. Hello. Huh?

I hate to interrupt
your little male bonding,

but mother's
stomach is growling.

Guess you're ready to fill your
belly up with some free food.

You know that. Alright.

Bring me back a dog back.

Max, they named a
whole bag after you, huh?

Hey Terrence seems pretty cool.

You know you can trust a guy
who knows his "Little Rascals".

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Hey, Max, since Khadijah
and Terrence are just friends

maybe he'd make
a nice fellow for you.

Mm‐mm. I don't think so.
I have very a strict policy

about dating friends of
friends. I just don't do it.

I never have and I never will.

You old liar. You just
dated my man last month.

Damn right. Then
I'd do it again!

Ha‐ha!

You're a mess.

You can't stay away
from here, can you?

It will be a minute
to pick up these files.

You're not going to
make me type are you?

No, but you could grab a broom.

This will just take me a minute.

Don't rush.

I'll just be checking
you out in the moonlight.

You should see me
under fluorescents.

I glow.

You think you're gonna sign any
of those groups we saw tonight?

Well, that last group was cool.

I'm not sure I've the extra
time it will take to develop them.

You ever want something, but
don't have time to devote to it?

Do I? This magazine
has become my whole life.

Not much time for anything else.

But I guess it's been
worth the sacrifice.

We made it.

Yep. Pretty much got
everything we wanted didn't we?

Almost.

What was that?

It's been that long
since you been kissed?

Why don't I run that
by you one more time?

Okay.

You've got some
explaining to do, Miss Missy.

Out all night with Scooter?

What's going on?

Freeze. Ha‐ha!

I saw you come home, girl.

Where you been?

Dag, do any of y'all have lives?

I was out with Terrence.

Terrence?

What's up with you
calling Scooter Terrence?

I did not. Yes, you did.

If you don't mind me saying
so, you do have that certain glow.

You got busy with Scooter?

I did not.

I got busy with Terrence.

What?!

Wow!

I don't know what happened.

He looked the same.

He smelled the same.

Next thing I know, he kissed me

and my clothes fell off.

Oh... You did the deed.

Was it a good deed?

That's the worst part.

It was bad?

It was great.

I mean, I may have
wrecked a 20‐year friendship

over a few hours of fun.

A few hours?

Okay, I'd say
that's a fair trade.

I can't believe I
lost control like that.

I'll never be able to
look him in the eye again.

What do you mean?

You can't sleep with your friend

and expect things to be thesame.

Why not?

It's like... the birth canal.

Once you go through,
you can't go back.

Oh, been there
done that. Oh, yeah.

It's no big deal, Khadijah.

I've had sex with
friends before.

Really? Who?

I can't remember their
names. We don't talk anymore.

What a mess.

I think we're all forgetting
that love is a magical thing.

Maybe Terrence is the one‐‐

the one you can
fall in love with,

the one you can
exchange vows with,

the one you can grow old
and ugly and wrinkled together

but it doesn't matter 'cause
you both have cataracts.

In her own disoriented
way, Synclaire could be right.

I mean, Khadijah, you're
not one for casual sex.

I know, and this wasn't.

Maybe that's what I'm afraid of.

Oh, man, I'm getting confused,

and y'all know I
hate being confused.

Hey, I was just passing by.

You'll need any cocking?

No, I'm lying.

Kyle sent me down to find
out why Khadijah came home

in the same clothes
that she had on last night.

I'm really embarrassed.

I'll just go.

So, what should I tell Kyle?

Anybody call?

Hi. Just Regine,
Max, and the printer.

What'd they want?

Well, Regine wanted to
know if Terrence called

and Max wanted to
know if Terrence called.

Printer didn't know about
Terrence so I filling him in

and he said, "good
luck dating a friend."

Khadijah, look!

I got some flowers for,
uh... Jackie Johnson.

Good for her.

Oh, don't worry
about it, Khadijah.

I'm sure Terrence
didn't forget about you.

Who knows? He's probably
just as confused as I am.

Guess who? Terrence, not here.

That's not what you were saying
last night on the Xerox machine.

Come on, stop it!

Hey, are you cool?

Of course I'm cool.

Why shouldn't I be?

Maybe because last night,
we saw each other naked

for the first time
since we were five.

That was a trip, huh?

Yeah, it was for me.

No, really, I'm cool with this.

Good. I got you
a little something.

A plane ticket?

I've to go back to L. A. And I
want you to join me for weekend.

This weekend? Yes.

As in two days from tomorrow.

Terrence, I'm going
to have to say...

Let me think about it.

You do that.

I'll see you tonight.

And if it helps you
make up your mind,

it's a window seat.

Ooh...

Khadijah, I think someone
was in here last night.

What you talking about?

I don't know, I found
these in the copy machine.

Can't make out, but
it looks... Gimme that!

Whoa!

Get out of here! Don't you...
Go back to work! Get to work!

So what's the difference

between a temporary
and a permanent account?

Well, a temporary
account is good for a minute

but a permanent
account is something

that you can depend on,
like a... like a rock, see?

You know, it's there to help
you through the bad times

and laugh with you
through the good times.

You know, always
faithful, always true.

Like a good friend.

Well, gee, now, the book says

permanent accounts
are on a balance sheet

and temporary accounts
are on an income statement.

Okay, you, you go with that.

Oh, now, here's a toughie.

What are the four
basic closing entries?

You gonna have to
excuse me for a minute.

I think I left my glue gun on.

Be right back.

Kyle, quick. What are
the four basic entries?

Look, Overton, you are not
going to remember anyway

and I'm tired of
sitting on this step.

Therefore, my participation
in your clever scheme

is at an end.

But man, I need more time.

Accounting is not as
romantic as I thought.

Hey, but she's starting
to come around.

Oh, brother, please, three
days and not one kiss.

You do the math, okay?

Oh, brother, don't
leave me hanging.

Overton, I have better things
to do than to play Cyrano to you.

Well, Khadijah, what
do you expect to happen

when you sleep
with your best friend?

On second thought, I think I
can help you out for a minute.

So it's on you.
What you gonna do?

What's to do? She's
going to L. A. To get hers.

She shouldn't lead him on.

Why not? Men do it to
women all of the time.

See, this is why you
never have a man.

You're obsessed with revenge.

It's not revenge.
It's "prevenge‐‐"

getting to them
before they get to you.

Khadijah, you should
not feel obligated

to go running off to L. A.
Just 'cause Scooter spent

a couple of hundred
dollars on a plane ticket.

Fifteen hundred.

Oh.

That's first class.

Hmm, that's free
drinks and footwares.

Let me see if I
understand this situation.

A young man that
you've known all your life

has fallen in love with
you, wants to buy you things

and take you away.

Hell, you ain't got
to be a handyman

to figure this one out.

Sounds like all assets
and no liabilities to me.

Hey, you can use this
stuff in everyday life.

Why did he give me
this damn ticket anyway?

Okay, they always
know how to ruin things.

Everything going along
fine, and then, bam! Flowers.

I mean, if I go to L. A.,
things will never be the same.

But if I don't go, I'll
never know what it'd be.

Khadijah, I'm telling you,
girl, save the friendship.

Cut him loose.

Personally, I think you
should sleep with him again

and then it will
all become clear.

And if not,

you'll be set for
the next six months.

So this is how it works, huh?

You hens sit around and you
cluck over poor brother's fate.

Don't you think this is the kind
of thing should be kept private?

You're right. Get out.

Alright. As usual, you
women will not have

the benefit of my
vast knowledge.

Are you still here?

No, I'm gone.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Hey, where we going?

To the kitchen to eavesdrop.

So, when I get back to L. A.,

should I bother
to scrub the tub?

You should definitely
scrub the tub.

But I don't think
I'm coming to L. A.

Don't think. Just pack.

Terrence, it's not that easy.

Nothing worth it ever is.

But so much has changed.

Damn, I shaved my legs for you.

Really? Let me see.

Get out of here.

What's it gonna take
to get you to L. A.?

I don't know.

I don't know what I want.

You telling me
this was just a fling?

No. If it was a fling,

we would be having this
conversation in California

with no clothes on.

Then it's more?

It could be.

I don't know, this is
all happening so fast.

I mean, how come you're so sure?

Because I've always
thought about you this way.

Don't tell me you never
thought about me like that.

No. Well, maybe once or twice.

Okay, all day today.

Well, look, baby, you
got a plane to catch.

You going to miss me, girl.

Don't forget you gave
me an open ticket.

Use it when you're ready.

Damn!

This new system of you
not giving me the answers

and making me look
things up is really tough.

"That which does not
kill us makes us stronger."

The famous philosopher
Nietzche said that...

right before he died.

I guess Terrence is
somewhere over Indiana by now.

Mm‐hmm, you missed your
chance to join that mile‐high club.

You could have been on
that plane now‐‐ occupied.

Khadijah, you did
the right thing, girl.

If it's meant to be, it will be.

I hope so.

After seeing what
happened to you

I realize that friendship is too
precious a thing to tamper with.

I would never ever get
involved with a friend.

Never?

Ever.

Well, guess we've
all learned quite a bit.

Synclaire, I think
you can handle

the rest of this on your own.

Okay, thanks, Overton.

See you tomorrow?

Maybe.

Oh, Khadijah,
look, flowers for me.

Oh, I bet they're
from Patrick...

or, or Mark... or no, it's Zeke.

No, no, I couldn't get
my face cracked twice.

These are for me.

See, what'd I tell you?

"These are for you as a
token of our friendship.

"I know we're more than friends,

"but friendship is important
and I do value that."

"I want you to know that I'll
be there if you ever need me."

"I'll treasure all we've
shared over the years."

Aww, girl, that is too
sweet. How'd he sign it?

"Love, your cousin, Synclaire."