Living Single (1993–1998): Season 1, Episode 5 - In the Black Is Beautiful - full transcript
Uff.
What's a buzzin', cousin?
Synclaire, it is 7:00 a. m.
Now if you wanna live in
this house, you're gonna
have to learn how to drag
your butt in the mornin'.
The toilet seat is up.
Oh, would you like
me to get that for you?
An up seat in an
apartment full of women?
Now you know what that means.
Somebody scrubbed the bathroom?
That didn't happen.
Overton finally fixed the tank.
That didn't happen.
Oh, one of us had a
man here last night.
Girl, you know that ain't‐‐
♪ Touch me in the morning ♪
♪ Check check check it out
check check check it out ♪
♪ What you want?
No free position ♪
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Yes we're living
the single life yeah ♪
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ Ooh and in a
'90s kind of world ♪
♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪
♪ Keep your head up what? ♪
♪ Keep your head
up that's right ♪
♪ Whenever this life get
tough you gotta fight ♪
♪ With my homegirls standing
to my left and my right ♪
♪ True blue it's
tight like glue ♪
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Check check check it out ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ And in a '90s kind of world ♪
♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪
♪ Haaa ♪
Look, I'll get back
to you, Mr. Sable.
I‐I don't think you understand.
You see, we want
this ad to run full page.
Big! Let me run
it past you again.
Now we have our
three malt liquor ladies
in tiger‐striped G‐strings
kissing a giant
bottle of our product..
Standing in a tub of brew
underneath our slogan.
"Pure sophistication."
Pow!
‐ Look, Mr. Sable‐‐
‐ Uh, tut‐tut, Elmo.
Whatever.
Look, we are a new magazine
and we could really use
your company's business.
But I named our
magazine "Flavor"
because we have taste. Okay?
Let me propose a solution.
You and me and
a case of our brew
spending the evening
in a tub of suds.
Would that make the ad
a little more tasteful, huh?
Let me make it plain.
I'm takin' a class
in kickboxing.
Do you wanna be my final exam?
I haven't seen a suit like that
since J. J. Went to the prom.
‐ Anything up? ‐
The printer called.
He said hi.
Oh, and if we don't
pay our overdue bill
he'll stop the presses
on the next issue.
Damn! We owe $2000.
Well, I ain't too proud to beg.
Get me the printer on the phone.
Uh‐oh, I put him on
hold ten minutes ago.
But he's still there.
Well, he must really
like listening to Kenny G.
Hello, Roger.
Yes, I know, I know.
But you'll get paid.
We got the money.
We got the money.
Do you need a Q‐tip?
I said we got the money.
We ain't got the money.
Hello, MasterCard.
Yeah, this is Khadijah James.
Yes, I'll hold.
Come on, MasterCard.
Yes, I just wanted to
know if there is any way
I can get an
increase on my limit.
Is there any way you could write
a letter of
recommendation to Visa?
I can't believe he
played me like that.
Dumped again, Khadijah?
'I keep tellin' you.'
You can catch more flies
with honey than vinegar.
That call had absolutely
nothing with romance.
Synclaire, what did I
tell you about keeping
office business at the office?
Unh‐unh, Synclaire.
Unh‐unh, now come on now.
You know you wanna
give me the details.
Regine, I said it's personal.
I don't wanna talk about it.
Neither do you, Synclaire.
‐ So what's the dish?
‐ I'm dying to tell you.
I'd love to tell you, but you
heard what Khadijah said
about keeping office
business at the office.
Hey, Max in the house.
Unfortunately, it's
never your house.
What, what brings you here?
I just had to get
some of your sunshine.
‐ Where's Khadijah? ‐ In a funk.
Somethin' is up with her
but Synclaire won't
tell me what it is.
I'm supposed to keep
office business at the office.
So let's pretend
we're at the office.
Good. Khadijah owes
$2000 to the printer.
He's threatened to cancel
the next issue of our magazine.
Good. Thank you.
Oh, no.
Well, when friends
are in trouble
friends help each other out.
‐ Yes. ‐ Max,
loan her the money.
Why don't you?
Because you're the
high‐powered attorney
with the big salary and no man.
See what I'm saying? Sunshine!
I would offer Khadijah the
money, but she wouldn't take it.
‐ And why not? ‐
'Cause she can't handle it.
When we were in college,
she borrowed $100 from me
for textbook. She didn't sleep
until she paid that money off.
Gosh! She even got a
job at Chucky Cheese
wearing a rat costume.
Ooh, I wanted to work
at Chucky Cheese.
The turned me down. My
head was too big for the head.
Anyway..
Trying to force money on her
is mistake numero
uno and I won't do it.
In fact, I don't even think
we should talk about it.
‐ Talk about what? ‐
Your money problems.
Wait, you know how you're
not supposed to say something
but then your, your
mouth starts talking anyway
and your brain starts
telling your mouth.
"Don't you say that,
don't you say that."
But then your mouth
just won't listen.
We hungry.
Regine, we bask in the
corona of your beauty.
Okay, come in.
Thank you.
You know, our
cable just went out.
Yeah. Kyle
wouldn't let me fix it.
Yeah, well, when the
last time you fixed it
we didn't have the Playboy
channel for a month.
We got the Playboy channel?
I'm embarrassed, yet intrigued.
We're having a
little problem here.
My money is a little tight,
but I got it under control.
Ah, please. $2000 in
debt is hardly control.
Oh, I don't know, I haven't
yanked that horse hair
out of your head.
Now that's control.
You know, you know, Khadijah.
If money is your problem,
baby, it would behoove you
to take advantage of a handsome
stockbroker such as myself.
Now what you need to do is
think of money as a tool, right‐‐.
Like a hammer.
See, a hammer put the
nails in and take the nails out.
In money..
Yeah. Not so much like a hammer.
Umm, go ahead.
Now for just $1000 bite
I could double your
money in six weeks.
What do you say? We got a sale?
Kyle, I owe $2000.
That means I don't have $1000.
So what are you
wasting my time for?
Khadijah, this is silly.
Now I know you have a
hard time borrowing money
but I'm gonna lend
you what you need.
No, you won't. I can
take care of myself.
Oh, what is the big deal
about borrowing money?
I do it all the time.
Sometimes, I even pay it back.
Ladies, ladies, see, this is
just one of the many reasons
men rule the world. Ha ha ha.
Care to elaborate?
Well, it's true.
Men don't have
these kind of problems.
See, you women are
always haggling over pennies.
Men live it much too
bold and intrepid a pace
to worry about such matters.
See, with us, it's
like you get the beer
I get the bowlin',
right, partner?
Yeah, but last
week, I got the beer
the bowlin' and the
bucket of extra crispy.
You're ruinin' my point
in front of the ladies, man.
But you owe me $24, man.
I'm talkin' about the
honor of men here.
Twenty four dollars
is nothin', my brother.
Well, then give me my money.
Okay, I'll make it easy for you.
Give me two tens
and sixteen quarters.
I'll give you your money as soon
as you give me some receipts.
Look, as entertaining as this is
I'm goin' upstairs and
solvin' my own problem
and y'all will not
even think about it.
Okay, how are we gonna help her?
Okay, if Khadijah
won't borrow the money
maybe we can raise it for her.
Okay, you may
have something there.
‐ We could have a
telethon. ‐ My mistake.
You know, whenever my
daddy had a real hair scratchin'
he'd go down to
the swimming hole
at the quarry and skip rocks.
Yeah, his favorites
were the flatties.
He could skip a flattie nine,
ten, maybe eleven times‐‐.
What has this got to do
with helping Khadijah?
Y'all still on that?
Hey, hey, hey, listen up.
What if we throw
a lingerie party?
My boss will give us the stuff
from the boutique wholesale.
And then we could sell it here
and give the
profits to Khadijah.
‐ Works for me. ‐ Me too.
The whole apartment full
of ladies buying garter belts.
Just when I thought capitalism
couldn't get any better.
Ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha. You're not invited.
Ha ha ha.
Mm‐hmm.
Aha, now this is pretty.
Uh, but it looks a
little uncomfortable.
Girl, if you are in that
more than five minutes
you're doin' somethin' wrong.
Well, at this price,
I'm leavin' it on.
He's just gonna
have to work around it.
Regine, we gotta get
this stuff out of here.
Khadijah will be
home any minute.
Alright. Model.
What is that?
Girl, you know I feel
naked without my tool belt.
I will say this. You
don't look half bad.
Yeah. And if I ain't
had these knobby knees
I could've been a table
dancer. Watch this.
What the hell is goin' on here?
Uh, is this the broke chick
we're supposed
to be helpin' out?
Alright, that's it. Be up
out of here right now!
Get up out my house.
‐ Beat on.. ‐ Bye‐bye.
Bye‐bye now. Bye‐bye.
Bye‐bye now. Bye‐bye.
Overton, have some shame.
Bye‐bye.
Now, Khadijah, we
were only trying to help.
I don't know how many
ways I have to say this
before you all hear me.
I don't need your damn handouts.
Hello.
This is probably a
bad time to bring this up
but the printer called
and he said he could see
to that "Flavor" magazine
is never printed again.
Ever.
Enough is enough.
Khadijah, it's time to push your
ego aside and accept some help.
I'm writing you out
a check right now.
Alright, now just hold it.
Alright, go ahead.
Wow, $2000.
I can pay off the
printer, save "Flavor"
and owe you $2000.
I can't do it.
Oh, now I have to
write void in my ledger.
I can't do it.
I mean, the thought
of me owing you
owing anybody for that matter.
I just can't do it.
But it would be a
business loan, right?
Yes.
Okay, then make
it out to "Flavor."
No, no, no, no. Make
it out to the printer.
No, then he'll know I don't have
the money. Make it out to me.
I'm makin' it out to the society
for treatment of
schizophrenic black women
who own magazines, okay?
Yeah.
I could do with this.
Thanks, Max.
Pants.
Oh, I think this is
Khadijah's best issue yet.
‐ Mm‐hmm. ‐ Oh, look.
"Ten simple steps to smooth skin
luscious legs and a tasty butt."
Khadijah's got to introduce
me to the woman that wrote that.
"By Prince."
I'm feeling sick.
I'm assuming these
issues are paid for
and not boosted from the office.
See, to you, this might
be somethin' you just read
in the bathroom and
then just toss away.
But to me, it's my life.
And who ate all
the ginger snaps?
Well, ever since she
borrowed that money.
Khadijah's been
just a little uptight.
Oh, please, that
woman was born uptight.
Doctor slapped her,
she slapped him back.
Hey.
I got you now, buddy boy.
Bona fide receipts
from our bowlin' night.
Yeah. See, I couldn't find mine
but the guy at the bowlin'
alley had some duplicates.
I ain't sayin' he was
happy to look for 'em.
But as it turns out,
you don't owe me $24.
Ha ha. See, I told you.
You owe me 26
dollars and 72 cents.
There's a little
thing called tax here.
Do we have to talk about
this now in front of the ladies?
I don't care about them.
I want my 26
dollars and 72 cents.
What is all the
noise up in here?
Kyle owe me 26
dollars and 72 cents.
You fussin' over $26?
Why don't you try
strappin' 2000 on your back
and finding a
cookie in this house?
What's goin' on, girl?
Max, if you were gonna
loan her the money
the least you could've
done was stay here
and live with Cruella for
the last couple of days.
Mm‐hmm. I was afraid of this.
Maybe I should go talk to her.
This is kind of
like "The Exorcist."
‐ What's goin'
on, girl? ‐ Chillin'.
I heard you in here trippin'.
Drivin' everybody crazy.
Now I know you have a
hard time borrowin' money
but believe me,
it's no big deal.
‐ Well, who's sayin'
it is? ‐ Not me.
I'm not havin' a
problem with it.
Whenever I loan
money, I just act like
I'm never gonna see it again.
‐ Fine. ‐ Good.
Now come on, it ain't major.
Everybody's out here, let's go.
I handled it.
Everything's copacetic.
What do you mean you're never
gonna see your money again?
I didn't say that.
What I meant was I know I'd
get my money back eventually.
No, no, no, you're gonna
get your money back soon.
‐ Whatever. ‐ No,
no, not whatever.
You're gonna get
your money back.
Did a good job at
handling this, Max.
Khadijah, if I'd known you're
gonna trip like this again
I wouldn't have lent you
the money in the first place.
Everybody hear
that. She said it.
You have lost it.
Well, to be fair, you'd
be a little crazy, too
if you owed your
best friend $2000
and you have
absolutely positively
no way to pay it back. Uh‐huh.
Okay, let's just stop, okay?
I didn't bail you out
to make you crazy.
No, see, you don't
have to bail me nothin'.
You're tap dancin'
on my last nerve.
Now maybe it would
be best for everybody
if you just give me
my money back.
How would you like
it in nickels in a sock?
You didn't have to go there.
But since you did, I will too.
I want my ducats by Monday.
No, no, you'll have
your grit by Friday.
Oh, wow, money can
really break up a friendship
and I mean, what's more
important than friendship?
Kyle?
‐ What? ‐ I'm sorry.
Me, too, man.
‐ Righto, black man. ‐ Yeah.
Alright, listen up.
From now on, y'all bring
your own mugs to work.
No more disposable company cups.
And no more personal
calls on the company dime.
And the Xerox machine will
now be a source of light and heat
as well as reproduction.
Khadijah, you
probably didn't notice
but that slime from the malt
and liquor company is here.
He said you called him. Ha!
‐ I did. Don't. ‐
But, Khadijah‐‐.
Mr. Sable, would you like
to come in to my office?
Khadijah, when
I left this office
I felt a special part of me die.
But now I am reborn
into the warmth
and acceptance of
your ample bosom.
Mr. Sable‐‐.
Uh, tut‐tut, Elmo.
Elmo.
Look, what I'd like to
do is make arrangements
for a multi‐issue one
for a fee of, say, $2000.
Glad to be in business
with you, Khadijah.
And wait till you see the
layout for next month's ad?
I call it 99 babes and
a beer on the wall.
Ninety nine babes
and a beer on the wall.
If you could just
write that check.
Sure.
What the hell are you doin'?
I just wanted you
to have a picture
of the moment you sold out.
I'll get you a frame later.
‐ Ninety nine babes,
huh? ‐ And a beer.
I can't do it.
I'd rather owe my
friend a million dollars
than to be in business with you.
My magazine and
your product don't mix.
You know, I really respect
your strength and integrity.
And I've got to say it
makes my nature rise.
Alright, that's it. I
tried to be nice to you.
Now if you don't get your sorry,
sleazy behind out of my office..
Khadijah.
I got your messages.
That mean we're talkin'?
No, I'm talkin'.
You're listenin'.
Have a seat. You too.
Okay, here's the deal.
I called this
meetin' to apologize.
You were wrong for
tellin' my business.
You were wrong for
gettin' in my business.
And you were wrong for
gettin' into business with me.
I know that was hard
for you, Khadijah.
You're such a gracious lady.
Shut up, I ain't finished.
Alright, now maybe I could've
handled this whole thing better.
‐ Can I get an amen? ‐ Ha.
You said it, sister.
Khadijah, you did
go a little crazy.
I mean, you sold the toaster.
‐ It was mine. ‐ The television.
‐ It was mine. ‐ The blender.
‐ That was mine. ‐ It was?
‐ Yeah. ‐ I was really buggin'.
Look, I mean, everybody
tryin' to lend me money
tryin' to give me money,
I'm not used to that.
I always had to
hold things together.
I always had to
be the strong one.
That's who I am.
That's your
self‐portrait, honey.
Ain't nobody paintin'
that picture but you.
Khadijah, borrowin'
is the American way.
It's what this country
was founded on.
It's, it's the basis
of all our freedoms.
It's in the constitution.
That's not what it
says in the constitution.
That's what I took from it.
Well, borrowin' between
friends is one thing.
But never loan anything to a
man especially if it's your man.
‐ Boy. ‐ Oh, hell.
Because six years later
he will walk away with
4000 of your dollars
and your entire Peabo
Bryson collection
and you will end
up with one pair
of his raggedy stank drawers
that he thought you
looked so cute in.
You really miss him, don't you?
Sometimes.
Girl, hold it together.
Hold it down.
Listen, Max, I have no idea
when I'm gonna be
able to pay you back.
Ah, girl, don't worry about it.
You see, I wasn't plannin' to.
From now on, you are
2% owner of "Flavor."
You'd give me a
piece of your dream?
Girl, for $2000, I'd
give you a pedicure.
And you know you
got some crusty feet.
‐ Get the hell out of
here. ‐ Look at that corn.
It's bursting out
through the shoe.
‐ 'Shut the hell up.'
‐ Oh, how sweet.
The love in this room.
I don't know about you
all, but I for one could use
a nice, frosty molten milkshake.
You, you, you, come on.
I will get the blender back.
'I told you, yo, you can't make
a milkshake without a blender.'
'Yes, you can.'
'All we do is add more..'
'Add more milk and more
cream and turn the mixer up.'
'I guess we should have
put a cover on that bowl.'
'Oh, great. Now
you got it in my hair.'
'Just take it off and wash it.'
'It's not one of your
better wigs anyway.'
'I'm not wearin' a wig.'
What's a buzzin', cousin?
Synclaire, it is 7:00 a. m.
Now if you wanna live in
this house, you're gonna
have to learn how to drag
your butt in the mornin'.
The toilet seat is up.
Oh, would you like
me to get that for you?
An up seat in an
apartment full of women?
Now you know what that means.
Somebody scrubbed the bathroom?
That didn't happen.
Overton finally fixed the tank.
That didn't happen.
Oh, one of us had a
man here last night.
Girl, you know that ain't‐‐
♪ Touch me in the morning ♪
♪ Check check check it out
check check check it out ♪
♪ What you want?
No free position ♪
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Yes we're living
the single life yeah ♪
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ Ooh and in a
'90s kind of world ♪
♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪
♪ Keep your head up what? ♪
♪ Keep your head
up that's right ♪
♪ Whenever this life get
tough you gotta fight ♪
♪ With my homegirls standing
to my left and my right ♪
♪ True blue it's
tight like glue ♪
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Check check check it out ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ And in a '90s kind of world ♪
♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪
♪ Haaa ♪
Look, I'll get back
to you, Mr. Sable.
I‐I don't think you understand.
You see, we want
this ad to run full page.
Big! Let me run
it past you again.
Now we have our
three malt liquor ladies
in tiger‐striped G‐strings
kissing a giant
bottle of our product..
Standing in a tub of brew
underneath our slogan.
"Pure sophistication."
Pow!
‐ Look, Mr. Sable‐‐
‐ Uh, tut‐tut, Elmo.
Whatever.
Look, we are a new magazine
and we could really use
your company's business.
But I named our
magazine "Flavor"
because we have taste. Okay?
Let me propose a solution.
You and me and
a case of our brew
spending the evening
in a tub of suds.
Would that make the ad
a little more tasteful, huh?
Let me make it plain.
I'm takin' a class
in kickboxing.
Do you wanna be my final exam?
I haven't seen a suit like that
since J. J. Went to the prom.
‐ Anything up? ‐
The printer called.
He said hi.
Oh, and if we don't
pay our overdue bill
he'll stop the presses
on the next issue.
Damn! We owe $2000.
Well, I ain't too proud to beg.
Get me the printer on the phone.
Uh‐oh, I put him on
hold ten minutes ago.
But he's still there.
Well, he must really
like listening to Kenny G.
Hello, Roger.
Yes, I know, I know.
But you'll get paid.
We got the money.
We got the money.
Do you need a Q‐tip?
I said we got the money.
We ain't got the money.
Hello, MasterCard.
Yeah, this is Khadijah James.
Yes, I'll hold.
Come on, MasterCard.
Yes, I just wanted to
know if there is any way
I can get an
increase on my limit.
Is there any way you could write
a letter of
recommendation to Visa?
I can't believe he
played me like that.
Dumped again, Khadijah?
'I keep tellin' you.'
You can catch more flies
with honey than vinegar.
That call had absolutely
nothing with romance.
Synclaire, what did I
tell you about keeping
office business at the office?
Unh‐unh, Synclaire.
Unh‐unh, now come on now.
You know you wanna
give me the details.
Regine, I said it's personal.
I don't wanna talk about it.
Neither do you, Synclaire.
‐ So what's the dish?
‐ I'm dying to tell you.
I'd love to tell you, but you
heard what Khadijah said
about keeping office
business at the office.
Hey, Max in the house.
Unfortunately, it's
never your house.
What, what brings you here?
I just had to get
some of your sunshine.
‐ Where's Khadijah? ‐ In a funk.
Somethin' is up with her
but Synclaire won't
tell me what it is.
I'm supposed to keep
office business at the office.
So let's pretend
we're at the office.
Good. Khadijah owes
$2000 to the printer.
He's threatened to cancel
the next issue of our magazine.
Good. Thank you.
Oh, no.
Well, when friends
are in trouble
friends help each other out.
‐ Yes. ‐ Max,
loan her the money.
Why don't you?
Because you're the
high‐powered attorney
with the big salary and no man.
See what I'm saying? Sunshine!
I would offer Khadijah the
money, but she wouldn't take it.
‐ And why not? ‐
'Cause she can't handle it.
When we were in college,
she borrowed $100 from me
for textbook. She didn't sleep
until she paid that money off.
Gosh! She even got a
job at Chucky Cheese
wearing a rat costume.
Ooh, I wanted to work
at Chucky Cheese.
The turned me down. My
head was too big for the head.
Anyway..
Trying to force money on her
is mistake numero
uno and I won't do it.
In fact, I don't even think
we should talk about it.
‐ Talk about what? ‐
Your money problems.
Wait, you know how you're
not supposed to say something
but then your, your
mouth starts talking anyway
and your brain starts
telling your mouth.
"Don't you say that,
don't you say that."
But then your mouth
just won't listen.
We hungry.
Regine, we bask in the
corona of your beauty.
Okay, come in.
Thank you.
You know, our
cable just went out.
Yeah. Kyle
wouldn't let me fix it.
Yeah, well, when the
last time you fixed it
we didn't have the Playboy
channel for a month.
We got the Playboy channel?
I'm embarrassed, yet intrigued.
We're having a
little problem here.
My money is a little tight,
but I got it under control.
Ah, please. $2000 in
debt is hardly control.
Oh, I don't know, I haven't
yanked that horse hair
out of your head.
Now that's control.
You know, you know, Khadijah.
If money is your problem,
baby, it would behoove you
to take advantage of a handsome
stockbroker such as myself.
Now what you need to do is
think of money as a tool, right‐‐.
Like a hammer.
See, a hammer put the
nails in and take the nails out.
In money..
Yeah. Not so much like a hammer.
Umm, go ahead.
Now for just $1000 bite
I could double your
money in six weeks.
What do you say? We got a sale?
Kyle, I owe $2000.
That means I don't have $1000.
So what are you
wasting my time for?
Khadijah, this is silly.
Now I know you have a
hard time borrowing money
but I'm gonna lend
you what you need.
No, you won't. I can
take care of myself.
Oh, what is the big deal
about borrowing money?
I do it all the time.
Sometimes, I even pay it back.
Ladies, ladies, see, this is
just one of the many reasons
men rule the world. Ha ha ha.
Care to elaborate?
Well, it's true.
Men don't have
these kind of problems.
See, you women are
always haggling over pennies.
Men live it much too
bold and intrepid a pace
to worry about such matters.
See, with us, it's
like you get the beer
I get the bowlin',
right, partner?
Yeah, but last
week, I got the beer
the bowlin' and the
bucket of extra crispy.
You're ruinin' my point
in front of the ladies, man.
But you owe me $24, man.
I'm talkin' about the
honor of men here.
Twenty four dollars
is nothin', my brother.
Well, then give me my money.
Okay, I'll make it easy for you.
Give me two tens
and sixteen quarters.
I'll give you your money as soon
as you give me some receipts.
Look, as entertaining as this is
I'm goin' upstairs and
solvin' my own problem
and y'all will not
even think about it.
Okay, how are we gonna help her?
Okay, if Khadijah
won't borrow the money
maybe we can raise it for her.
Okay, you may
have something there.
‐ We could have a
telethon. ‐ My mistake.
You know, whenever my
daddy had a real hair scratchin'
he'd go down to
the swimming hole
at the quarry and skip rocks.
Yeah, his favorites
were the flatties.
He could skip a flattie nine,
ten, maybe eleven times‐‐.
What has this got to do
with helping Khadijah?
Y'all still on that?
Hey, hey, hey, listen up.
What if we throw
a lingerie party?
My boss will give us the stuff
from the boutique wholesale.
And then we could sell it here
and give the
profits to Khadijah.
‐ Works for me. ‐ Me too.
The whole apartment full
of ladies buying garter belts.
Just when I thought capitalism
couldn't get any better.
Ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha. You're not invited.
Ha ha ha.
Mm‐hmm.
Aha, now this is pretty.
Uh, but it looks a
little uncomfortable.
Girl, if you are in that
more than five minutes
you're doin' somethin' wrong.
Well, at this price,
I'm leavin' it on.
He's just gonna
have to work around it.
Regine, we gotta get
this stuff out of here.
Khadijah will be
home any minute.
Alright. Model.
What is that?
Girl, you know I feel
naked without my tool belt.
I will say this. You
don't look half bad.
Yeah. And if I ain't
had these knobby knees
I could've been a table
dancer. Watch this.
What the hell is goin' on here?
Uh, is this the broke chick
we're supposed
to be helpin' out?
Alright, that's it. Be up
out of here right now!
Get up out my house.
‐ Beat on.. ‐ Bye‐bye.
Bye‐bye now. Bye‐bye.
Bye‐bye now. Bye‐bye.
Overton, have some shame.
Bye‐bye.
Now, Khadijah, we
were only trying to help.
I don't know how many
ways I have to say this
before you all hear me.
I don't need your damn handouts.
Hello.
This is probably a
bad time to bring this up
but the printer called
and he said he could see
to that "Flavor" magazine
is never printed again.
Ever.
Enough is enough.
Khadijah, it's time to push your
ego aside and accept some help.
I'm writing you out
a check right now.
Alright, now just hold it.
Alright, go ahead.
Wow, $2000.
I can pay off the
printer, save "Flavor"
and owe you $2000.
I can't do it.
Oh, now I have to
write void in my ledger.
I can't do it.
I mean, the thought
of me owing you
owing anybody for that matter.
I just can't do it.
But it would be a
business loan, right?
Yes.
Okay, then make
it out to "Flavor."
No, no, no, no. Make
it out to the printer.
No, then he'll know I don't have
the money. Make it out to me.
I'm makin' it out to the society
for treatment of
schizophrenic black women
who own magazines, okay?
Yeah.
I could do with this.
Thanks, Max.
Pants.
Oh, I think this is
Khadijah's best issue yet.
‐ Mm‐hmm. ‐ Oh, look.
"Ten simple steps to smooth skin
luscious legs and a tasty butt."
Khadijah's got to introduce
me to the woman that wrote that.
"By Prince."
I'm feeling sick.
I'm assuming these
issues are paid for
and not boosted from the office.
See, to you, this might
be somethin' you just read
in the bathroom and
then just toss away.
But to me, it's my life.
And who ate all
the ginger snaps?
Well, ever since she
borrowed that money.
Khadijah's been
just a little uptight.
Oh, please, that
woman was born uptight.
Doctor slapped her,
she slapped him back.
Hey.
I got you now, buddy boy.
Bona fide receipts
from our bowlin' night.
Yeah. See, I couldn't find mine
but the guy at the bowlin'
alley had some duplicates.
I ain't sayin' he was
happy to look for 'em.
But as it turns out,
you don't owe me $24.
Ha ha. See, I told you.
You owe me 26
dollars and 72 cents.
There's a little
thing called tax here.
Do we have to talk about
this now in front of the ladies?
I don't care about them.
I want my 26
dollars and 72 cents.
What is all the
noise up in here?
Kyle owe me 26
dollars and 72 cents.
You fussin' over $26?
Why don't you try
strappin' 2000 on your back
and finding a
cookie in this house?
What's goin' on, girl?
Max, if you were gonna
loan her the money
the least you could've
done was stay here
and live with Cruella for
the last couple of days.
Mm‐hmm. I was afraid of this.
Maybe I should go talk to her.
This is kind of
like "The Exorcist."
‐ What's goin'
on, girl? ‐ Chillin'.
I heard you in here trippin'.
Drivin' everybody crazy.
Now I know you have a
hard time borrowin' money
but believe me,
it's no big deal.
‐ Well, who's sayin'
it is? ‐ Not me.
I'm not havin' a
problem with it.
Whenever I loan
money, I just act like
I'm never gonna see it again.
‐ Fine. ‐ Good.
Now come on, it ain't major.
Everybody's out here, let's go.
I handled it.
Everything's copacetic.
What do you mean you're never
gonna see your money again?
I didn't say that.
What I meant was I know I'd
get my money back eventually.
No, no, no, you're gonna
get your money back soon.
‐ Whatever. ‐ No,
no, not whatever.
You're gonna get
your money back.
Did a good job at
handling this, Max.
Khadijah, if I'd known you're
gonna trip like this again
I wouldn't have lent you
the money in the first place.
Everybody hear
that. She said it.
You have lost it.
Well, to be fair, you'd
be a little crazy, too
if you owed your
best friend $2000
and you have
absolutely positively
no way to pay it back. Uh‐huh.
Okay, let's just stop, okay?
I didn't bail you out
to make you crazy.
No, see, you don't
have to bail me nothin'.
You're tap dancin'
on my last nerve.
Now maybe it would
be best for everybody
if you just give me
my money back.
How would you like
it in nickels in a sock?
You didn't have to go there.
But since you did, I will too.
I want my ducats by Monday.
No, no, you'll have
your grit by Friday.
Oh, wow, money can
really break up a friendship
and I mean, what's more
important than friendship?
Kyle?
‐ What? ‐ I'm sorry.
Me, too, man.
‐ Righto, black man. ‐ Yeah.
Alright, listen up.
From now on, y'all bring
your own mugs to work.
No more disposable company cups.
And no more personal
calls on the company dime.
And the Xerox machine will
now be a source of light and heat
as well as reproduction.
Khadijah, you
probably didn't notice
but that slime from the malt
and liquor company is here.
He said you called him. Ha!
‐ I did. Don't. ‐
But, Khadijah‐‐.
Mr. Sable, would you like
to come in to my office?
Khadijah, when
I left this office
I felt a special part of me die.
But now I am reborn
into the warmth
and acceptance of
your ample bosom.
Mr. Sable‐‐.
Uh, tut‐tut, Elmo.
Elmo.
Look, what I'd like to
do is make arrangements
for a multi‐issue one
for a fee of, say, $2000.
Glad to be in business
with you, Khadijah.
And wait till you see the
layout for next month's ad?
I call it 99 babes and
a beer on the wall.
Ninety nine babes
and a beer on the wall.
If you could just
write that check.
Sure.
What the hell are you doin'?
I just wanted you
to have a picture
of the moment you sold out.
I'll get you a frame later.
‐ Ninety nine babes,
huh? ‐ And a beer.
I can't do it.
I'd rather owe my
friend a million dollars
than to be in business with you.
My magazine and
your product don't mix.
You know, I really respect
your strength and integrity.
And I've got to say it
makes my nature rise.
Alright, that's it. I
tried to be nice to you.
Now if you don't get your sorry,
sleazy behind out of my office..
Khadijah.
I got your messages.
That mean we're talkin'?
No, I'm talkin'.
You're listenin'.
Have a seat. You too.
Okay, here's the deal.
I called this
meetin' to apologize.
You were wrong for
tellin' my business.
You were wrong for
gettin' in my business.
And you were wrong for
gettin' into business with me.
I know that was hard
for you, Khadijah.
You're such a gracious lady.
Shut up, I ain't finished.
Alright, now maybe I could've
handled this whole thing better.
‐ Can I get an amen? ‐ Ha.
You said it, sister.
Khadijah, you did
go a little crazy.
I mean, you sold the toaster.
‐ It was mine. ‐ The television.
‐ It was mine. ‐ The blender.
‐ That was mine. ‐ It was?
‐ Yeah. ‐ I was really buggin'.
Look, I mean, everybody
tryin' to lend me money
tryin' to give me money,
I'm not used to that.
I always had to
hold things together.
I always had to
be the strong one.
That's who I am.
That's your
self‐portrait, honey.
Ain't nobody paintin'
that picture but you.
Khadijah, borrowin'
is the American way.
It's what this country
was founded on.
It's, it's the basis
of all our freedoms.
It's in the constitution.
That's not what it
says in the constitution.
That's what I took from it.
Well, borrowin' between
friends is one thing.
But never loan anything to a
man especially if it's your man.
‐ Boy. ‐ Oh, hell.
Because six years later
he will walk away with
4000 of your dollars
and your entire Peabo
Bryson collection
and you will end
up with one pair
of his raggedy stank drawers
that he thought you
looked so cute in.
You really miss him, don't you?
Sometimes.
Girl, hold it together.
Hold it down.
Listen, Max, I have no idea
when I'm gonna be
able to pay you back.
Ah, girl, don't worry about it.
You see, I wasn't plannin' to.
From now on, you are
2% owner of "Flavor."
You'd give me a
piece of your dream?
Girl, for $2000, I'd
give you a pedicure.
And you know you
got some crusty feet.
‐ Get the hell out of
here. ‐ Look at that corn.
It's bursting out
through the shoe.
‐ 'Shut the hell up.'
‐ Oh, how sweet.
The love in this room.
I don't know about you
all, but I for one could use
a nice, frosty molten milkshake.
You, you, you, come on.
I will get the blender back.
'I told you, yo, you can't make
a milkshake without a blender.'
'Yes, you can.'
'All we do is add more..'
'Add more milk and more
cream and turn the mixer up.'
'I guess we should have
put a cover on that bowl.'
'Oh, great. Now
you got it in my hair.'
'Just take it off and wash it.'
'It's not one of your
better wigs anyway.'
'I'm not wearin' a wig.'