Living Single (1993–1998): Season 1, Episode 4 - A Kiss Before Lying - full transcript

Now see, the beauty
of a chain lock is that

it allows you to open the door

while still maintaining
your personal security.

‐ Okay, then. ‐
Hey... stay tuned..

Well, uh, it worked on paper.

Something's wrong
with the water.

Girl, this is New York,
you've to be more specific.

It's the pressure.

My water massage just doesn't
pulsate the way it used to.

Oh, and just after you named it.

Now, now ladies.



No need to fear, there's a
handy man on the premise.

‐ Can you fix
it? ‐ Can I fix it?

Does a baby cow
drink till it's full?

♪ Check check check it out ♪

♪ Check check check it out ♪

♪ What you want
no free position ♪

♪ We are living single oh ♪
♪ Hey ♪

♪ Yes we are living
the single life yeah ♪

♪ We are living single ohh ♪
♪ Hey ♪

♪ Ooh in a '90s kind of world ♪

♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪

♪ Keep your head up what? ♪

♪ Keep your head
up That's right ♪

♪ Whenever this life get tough ♪



♪ You got to fight with ♪

♪ My homegirls
standing to my left ♪

♪ And my right? ♪
♪ True blue ♪

♪ And tight like glue ♪
♪ We are living ♪

♪ Check check check it out ♪

♪ Check check check it out ♪
♪ Single ♪

♪ What you want
no free position ♪

♪ In the 90's kind of world ♪

♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪

Powwow with the posse.

It's urgent.

What's up, yo?

‐ Greg called. ‐ Ohh..

Tell me this is not the
Greg I'm thinking of.

Tell me this is
Greg the Mailman.

Tell me it's Greg the
Bald‐Headed Barber.

You better tell
me it's Greg Brady.

No, it's the Greg.

He left four messages
on my machine today.

Oh, ho, that's nice.

Don't call him back.

Greg?

The one you went
out with for five years

then when your career
took off and his didn't

he packed his raggy old duffel
bag and left you, that Greg?

Okay, you might have
heard me mention him.

So, how many times did
you listen to the messages?

What kind of question is that?

"How many times did I
listen to the messages?"

Eight.

Maybe he wants you back.

Oh, it's so romantic.

It's just like Romeo and
Juliet, Rhett and Scarlett.

Peaches and Herb.

Oh, please.

The brother ain't called
the girl in over a year.

That's right, and maybe
you forgot how trifling he was

but you still got
dents in your butt

from where he dropped you.

Well, I just want Greg to know

that I've moved on and
I'm doing fine without him

and I haven't given
him a second a thought.

Put it in a postcard.

Well, checked the shower.

As I suspected, it's
the water pressure.

That's what I told you.

‐ Well, now it's
official. ‐ Agh..

Don't worry, 'cause I
took the handyman oath.

I won't rest till it's fixed.

And what exactly is
the handyman oath?

"I won't rest till it's fixed."

I'm calling Greg.

Well, go ahead and call
him with your weak self.

Don't worry, Khadijah.

Time has made me wiser.

Hey, Greg, Max.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I'm fine, you're fine.

What do you want?

Dinner tomorrow?

Well, since you're only
going to be in town one day

I guess we could
work something out.

You are so weak.

No, it's just
Khadijah. She says hi.

Someone special? Sure.

Your fiancee?

Click. Hang up. Dial tone.

Dial tone.

Well, congratulations.

Yes.

I guess I'll see you
both tomorrow night.

Alright, bye‐bye.

Did you just agree
to have dinner

with Greg and his fiancee?

I think so.

Those braids are
tighter than I thought.

'Kyle..'

we have traded
insults back and forth

but this is just
downright... mean.

Go put some clothes
on! Go. Please go.

For your edification

this is called a bath robe.

Known only to those who actually

engage in personal hygiene.

Oh... Kyle, what
the hell you want?

Is Overton down here

messing with the water again?

He just left, you have to wear

that funk for another month.

And why are you so evil?

Well, today it's
because she found out

her ex‐boyfriend's
getting married.

Oh, Max.

Oh, baby, I'm sorry.

But you know,
don't worry about it.

One day, you going to look back

on this whole thing and laugh.

But today... it's my turn.

So, Max, what are you
going to do about Greg?

What can I do?
Have dinner with him.

Just have to figure out where.

'Cause we can't have
dinner at my apartment.

We had sex there.

Well, what about his hotel?

Can't. We had sex there.

Well, what about your
favorite restaurant?

Can't, we had..

Too many memories.

Light bulb. Big idea.

Ask me how big.

Gonna tell you anyway.

‐ Max, have dinner here. ‐ Here?

Yes, so we can support
you, back you up.

Whoa. Wait, wait, wait.

Hold up, yo, I live here, too

and I'm not so sure I want

his musty ass up in here.

You mean to tell me you're
not the least bit curious

to see what Greg's
fiancee looks like?

Alright, I'll do it for you.

That is, unless you and
Greg had sex here, too.

We won't be eating on
the kitchen table, will we?

My grandmother used
to fold these cloth napkins

into beautiful doves.

It's a family secret.

I wish she had taught it to me.

Ooh, where did you learn
how to cook this chi‐chi food?

Khadijah, you forget I dated

one of the finest
chefs in the country.

You dated a sales
rep from Mrs. Paul's.

But he was fine.

What is all of this mess?

Well, Max told me
that Greg is allergic

to chocolate and seafood.

Chocolate‐covered shrimp?

Hey, now, Regine,
what are these?

Beignets. They're French.

‐ 'Umm..' ‐ Ah.

One of your recipes
from les projects.

Just have one more
minor adjustment and then..

Oh, beignets.

Overton, aren't you done yet?

Maybe we should
just call a plumber.

A plumber?

Oh, ye of little faith.

Remember the oath?

There ain't a
problem I can't fix.

Eh, I thought the oath was,
"I won't rest till it's fixed"?

Well, I guess I took two oaths.

Stop!

Well, listen, we're
expecting dinner guests

so could you hurry it up?

Alright, alright.
I can take a hint.

I don't need a brick
to fall on me... again.

Y'all did a great job
setting up in the living room.

Oh, beignets.

And where did you get
that great dining table?

‐ Umm. ‐ Don't
even think about it.

We borrowed it from a church.

So, Max, which
millionaire lawyer

did you get to be your
date for the evening?

I don't need anybody by my side.

That's right. Max don't
need to play games.

Oh, please, she agreed to this

she may as well play along.

She'll appear stronger alone.

She'll appear alone alone.

'Hey..'

Girl's got a point.

Max, I strongly suggest you get

one of your boy‐toys over here

and have him pretend
that he's your steady.

I'm not gonna lie
like that for Greg.

Well, now, "lie" is
such an ugly word.

I'm simply suggesting
that you embellish.

I don't need to. I'm a lawyer.

I have a great job, I
make a lot of money

and I look great tonight.

See, you can embellish.

I'll get it.

Stop!

Maxine Shaw, if
you do nothing else

for yourself tonight

please, make an entrance.

Don't be getting the
door like you the maid.

Synclaire, honey, get the door.

I will get it.

You know, Max, it's not too late

to call this whole thing off.

It's no big deal.

It's a simple dinner, I've been

over him for months, I'm fine.

‐ Hi. ‐ Hi.

Hi.

‐ Come on in. ‐ 'Thank you.'

Welcome.

Help!

So, Max, how have you been?

And what is that
supposed to mean?

Aah... Khadijah, you
haven't changed a bit.

Yeah, you better
remember that, money.

This is my fiancee, Susan.

'Excuse me.'

Pardon me. Coming through.

Hot stuff. Look out.

Hey, I'm Overton.

Alright, let's get
this dinner started.

Max, it is so good to see you.

I mean, who'd have
thought we get to a point

where I'd be introducing
you to my fiancee, huh?

Not me.

Uh, Khadijah, could I
see you in the kitchen?

Something's burning.

Damn, he's fine. Don't
you think he's fine?

Who cares what you
think? Brother's fine!

He looks the same
as the day he left you.

I thought I could handle this.

I said I could handle this.

I lied. Khadijah,
get rid of him.

Give me ten seconds.

Wait a minute.

I can't back out now.

Okay, just give me a
cigarette, and I'll be fine.

Max, you don't smoke.

Then shoot me now
'cause I'm not going

back out there!

Excuse me. What
is going on in here?

Max is having second thoughts.

What, abou.. Oh.

Now, girl, please, now you
know this whole fiancee‐thing

is just a front, right?

I mean, the brother is gay.

Gay?

If a man is in a room more
than five minutes with me

and he does not stare he's gay.

Duh. Come on.

Come on, now, get out there.

You can do it.

Well, Susan, that massage
class sounds wonderful.

Well, I thought it'd be helpful
after Greg pulled a muscle

on the court in Madrid.

Oh, my girl can work miracles.

She can smooth out a
knot anywhere on my body.

So, Max, you still get
that kink in your neck

whenever you're stressed?

No, not since I passed the bar.

Let's eat.

Oh, don't mind me.

I'm just fixing things.

No, no, don't offer
me nothing to drink.

I just be working up
a thirst fixing things.

Overton, would you
like something to drink?

Nah. Not when I'm under oath.

So, Susan, what do
you do for a living?

Well, I used to be
a flight attendant.

No.

Susan quit her job
when we got engaged

so she could travel with me.

I mean, sure, we
have less income

but... money can't
buy happiness, huh?

Aww, that's true

but it can buy you a
shiny red Mercedes

and you can drive
up real close to it.

Max, being a lawyer
must be a real challenge.

Nah, not for Max. She's tough.

She just chews people
up and spits them out.

Isn't that you, Max?

Ha‐ha.. Yeah.

I'll get it.

Kyle.

Oh, pardon me.

Honey!

Could I see you in
the kitchen a moment?

So, Susan, you know,
you look awfully familiar.

Where did you go to school?

Oh, I went to a
small private school

called Eastland.

Hmm. Never heard of it.

So, so, wait, let
me get this straight

you want me to be your man?

That's what I heard.

Just for tonight,
just through dinner.

Do you know what this
could do to my reputation?

Yes, and you can pay me later.

You got an awfully smart mouth

for somebody who's so desperate.

I am not.

I see an ex‐boyfriend
a fine fiancee

and a spinster.

Okay, I'll give you anything
you want. Name your price.

Oh, come on, Max,
I'm disappointed.

Now, look, I know we
may go off on each other

every now and again,
but we're friends, right?

And you're in trouble, baby,
of course, I'll help you out.

Thanks, Kyle. I owe you.

I am going to enjoy
being your man.

Susan, Greg, this
is my man, Kyle.

My apologies for being late.

Max always gets on
me about my lateness.

I hope she gets on me later.

Excuse us.

Kyle is your man?

Okay, I know it goes
against everything I stand for

but work with me
on this one, okay?

I look pitiful out there.

Kyle is your man?

Greg has a beautiful Barbie doll

who quit her job just to cater
to him, and what do I have?

A job, a treadmill and
a bunch of girlfriends

to grow old with.

Well, you ain't
growing old with me

'cause I'm gonna gets me a man.

But getting back to
my original question

Kyle is your man?

Yes, for now, for tonight.

I don't want Greg to leave here

I don't want Greg
to leave this country

thinking he got the best of me.

Well, Max, you're doing exactly

what you said you would
never do for that man

you're lying.

Well, after tonight we will
have all learned our lesson

but, right now, Greg
needs to learn his.

Well, good luck with
Kyle as your man.

Baby, I missed you.

So how about a kiss for
your ebony prince, huh?

Not in front of the guests.

Oh, I'm sure they won't mind

not one little kiss, hm?

That's really sweet.

And confusing.

Don't they make a cute couple?

I'm glad they got together.

So did I tell you

how I swept this
girl off her feet, huh?

Well, I must have
missed this story.

When we first met it
was in a small bistro

in the West Village.

Who knew, a few hours later

I'd be wrapping her body
in the Wall Street Journal

and we'd be playing
stocks and bondage?

Honey..

I thought we weren't
gonna tell that story

again, ever.

Mm!

Yeah, Kyle, that
was not a good one.

Pfft.

And you two met how?

On a flight to Spain.
We both love Europe.

In fact, we're gonna spend
our honeymoon in Paris.

It's the one place
we haven't been.

‐ Oh, you'll love it
there. ‐ You've been?

Kyle flew us there for a week.

Just on a whim.

That's very romantic.

Yeah, I'm that kind of guy.

Can you, uh, recommend
some places to eat?

Well, we didn't get out much.

I'm that kind of guy.

Well, Kyle, didn't you tell me

you both enjoyed Maxim's?

Yes, Maxim's.

‐ Fabulous cuisine. ‐ Mm‐hm.

And a cute little waiter
who folded the napkins

like birds.

‐ Ah, Paree! ‐ Ah, yes.

Show them the pictures.

Maybe later.

You know I have to
be honest with you

I was a little unsure
about coming over here.

It could have been a little
uncomfortable, but you guys‐‐.

Oh, but, baby, I
knew it wouldn't be

'cause everybody's
happy with who they are.

I got my woman Max has her man..

I'm in the starting lineup again

and, Max, you'll get where
you wanna be someday.

Someday?

Baby, you didn't tell him.

My girl just made partner.

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

Was I surprised
when that happened.

And the first
African‐American woman ever.

'Cause, you know, that
Claire Huxtable wasn't real.

And then let me tell you

Max is being groomed for
the supreme court, okay?

Has a meeting with
Clarence Thomas next week.

‐ To Max ‐ To Max‐‐.

Enough! Enough!

This is crazy.

Greg, Kyle is not my boyfriend.

'I'm not a partner at my firm'

I've never been
anywhere near Paris

but none of this is reason
enough for my friends

to sit here trying to
make my life seem better

than it is by lying to you.

Hey, Max, Jesse
Jackson just called.

And he said he would
be more than happy

to preside over your nuptials.

We're not lying anymore?

Sorry I feel like such an idiot.

Max, it's okay, I
accept your apology.

I owe you at least that.

You also owe me 16
bucks for the dry cleaning

you stuck me with.

Oh, you still have
my Armani suit?

Sorry. Caught fire somehow.

You know, I didn't believe for a
minute that Kyle was your man.

'That kiss you gave him'

nothing but lip not
your usual style.

Greg, why did you bother
to call me after all this time?

‐ We needed to talk. ‐ Oh, yeah.

And it took you a whole year

and a fiancee to
figure that one out.

Well, I'm about to take a
pretty major step in my life.

‐ And I just want
you to‐‐ ‐ What?

Give you my blessing?
Well, I ain't the Pope.

I'm not really here
for your approval.

I just wanted you to
know that I've missed you

and I realize that when I left

the way I left

well, not only
was I losing a lover

I lost my best friend.

That is such crap.

And I'm not falling
for it this time.

Truth is, you were wrong
and now you feel guilty

and you want me to
free up your conscience.

Oh, you really are
bitter because I left.

Max, we just
weren't meant to be.

I know that.

And I can't thank you enough

for moving on and making room

for the right man
to come into my life

'and, you know, it
wasn't even until just now'

that I realize what's been
bothering me all this time.

It wasn't that you just packed
your raggedy duffle bag

and left.

It was that you didn't
even bother take the time

to say goodbye.

I didn't know how.

Let me show you.

Goodbye, Greg.

Pressure's back!

'I'm telling you'

these lips are lethal.

Greg's lips may be
kissing Susan tonight

but they'll be thinking Max!

Yes!

Well, I'm just glad
the brother is gone.

Now you can move
on with your life.

Amen!

Although I did have some
fun while they were here.

Why do we even put ourselves
through all of this nonsense

for people we don't even
care about anymore?

'Cause deep down
there's still a little love left?

That ain't it.

Because it's all about
playing the game.

It's about appearances.

‐ That ain't it. ‐
I know what it is.

'Cause we won't feel
better till they feel worse.

‐ Now, there it
is. ‐ 'There it is.'

‐ That's it, girl. ‐
Yeah, yeah, I know.

'Look, Khadijah,
we have messages.'

'Okay, you put the
groceries in the kitchen'

'I‐I'll get the machine.'

'Hello, Regine, this is Robert.'

'Remember me from Mrs. Paul's?'

'I know I haven't talked to
you in a while, well, two years'

'but I've been thinking
about you, and hey'

'I'm gonna be here for one
day and I was wondering'

'if we could, you know..'

'Whoo! What a day
at the boutique, hm!'

'Hey, girl, any calls for me?'

'Nope, nothing.'