Living Single (1993–1998): Season 1, Episode 24 - Love Is a Many Splintered Thing - full transcript

The girls feel neglected when Khadijah starts a new relationship.

Of course, Kyle insists

that the appropriate name
for the dog is Kyle Barker.

Isn't that ridiculous?

Well, why don't you just
name the dog Overton?

Well, uh, I was kind
of saving that for my...

firstborn.

Anyway, after all these
months of bickering,

I think we finally decided

to name him after my
favorite TV character, Sanford.

Mm.

Well, I think he's lucky to
have you guys as owners.



I bet he loves you.

Sanford likes me an awful lot,

but he's really partial to Kyle.

Down, down, down, down, down.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Down, down.

Heel, boy, heel!

Kyle.

See you got an answer
to your ad in the personals.

Alright.

Her‐‐ get her.

♪ Check check check it out
check check check it out ♪

♪ Do what you want
girl... no free position ♪

♪ We are living single ♪
♪ Hey ♪



♪ Single ♪
♪ Hey ♪

♪ Yes we are
living a single life ♪

♪ We are living ♪

♪ Hey ♪
♪ Single ♪

♪ Ooh, and in a
'90's kind of world ♪

♪ I'm glad I've got my girls ♪

♪ Keep your head up ♪
♪ What? ♪

♪ Keep your head up ♪
♪ That's right ♪

♪ Whenever this
life gets tough ♪

♪ You got to fight with ♪

♪ My homegirl
standing to my left ♪

♪ And my right, true
blue and tight like glue ♪

♪ We are living ♪
♪ Check, check, check it out ♪

♪ Check, check, check it out ♪
♪ Single ♪

♪ Do what you want,
girl free position ♪

♪ And in a '90's kind of world ♪

♪ I'm glad I've got my girls ♪

♪ Aah. ♪

No, I understand you're upset

but I'm looking at your ad now,
and I don't see any mistakes.

Yes, there's only one
line through the dollar sign.

You specified two.

I'll be more than happy
to refund your money.

It's a pleasure doing
business with you.

See, Khadijhah?

Aren't you glad I got you
Mr. Wess, the stress lesser?

Synclaire, when
you came in here,

you looked like you had
something on your mind.

Is it still there?

Oh, yes.

That "Teacher Of The Year"
guy you're interviewing is here.

Send him in.

Not until you change your tone.

See now, that's better.

Hi. Hi.

How you doing?

I'm Khadijah. Have
a seat, Mr. Ford.

Oh, no, please. My
students call me Mr. Ford.

I'm Alonzo.

Okay.

Alonzo.

I hope you don't mind. I like
my interviews to be accurate.

No, not at all.

You look fine.

The tape recorder can't see you.

That's too bad, 'cause
I'm having a good hair day.

Well, your students'
math and reading scores

are 40% higher
than the city average.

How do you do it?

Well, I just let them know
that I'm there for them

and that I care.

My style's pretty basic.

And that basic style includes
you showing them a videotape

of you bungee jumping?

Oh. Oh, that.

Well, you know, my
friends talked me into going.

I figured what better way

to demonstrate Newton's
law of gravity to my students?

Although I think
they also learned

not to eat a big breakfast
before you go jump off a cliff.

That's nasty.

So, I hear you started an
innovative after‐school program.

Actually, I have two.

Tell me about them.

Well, the first is combination
sports and arts program.

We try and keep
the parents involved.

Any other program?

The other program
combines dinner...

dancing... and, hopefully, you.

Are you asking me out on a date?

Because it's on the record.

Are you saying yes?

Because the public
has a right to know.

They don't have
to know everything.

And those things happen
when you run your own business.

Yeah.

Maybe I should shut up now.

I feel like I told you
my whole life story.

Did I go into too much detail?

No, not at all.

And I agree‐‐ there
should only be one line

through the dollar sign.

I guess, I get pretty passionate
about my work sometimes.

Passion's good.

Anyway, I think
maybe I should...

have you come speak to my class

because your passion
would inspire them.

Yeah.

I just missed a chance
to kiss you, didn't I?

It won't be your last.

And you wanted to rent a movie.

Alonzo, this is Regine, Overton,

Kyle, Max, and you
remember Synclaire.

Everybody, this is Alonzo.

So... you're the teacher.

Ah, yeah. Fourth grade.

Oh.

Fourth grade, huh? Yeah.

Let me ask you this question.

Say you got a kid in
a spelling bee, right,

and you throw a tricky
word at him like "neighbor."

That's one with the
"e" before the "I,"

the silent "g‐h" thing

and who knows what kind of
vowel is between the "b" and "r."

My question to you, sir:

Don't you think
that's a little bit harsh?

I see how that's tough
on a little man, yeah.

See, Kyle, I told you, you
got nothing to be ashamed of.

Anyway, I should be going.

I got to get home

and take "neighbor" off
tomorrow's spelling test.

Let me walk you to the door.

You people stay!

Well, well, well.

Not everybody can look
that good in a cheap suit.

I thought his gray
streak was dashing.

And he's in heat.

I like that in a man.

That would be our dog.

Guys, he's been
howling for weeks.

When are you
gonna get him fixed?

Fixed?

Yep. Neutered.

Altered. Singing
soprano... ♪ Whoo... ♪

In the Vienna Dogs Choir.

Maxine, not even
you could relish

the thought of such
an awful procedure.

Snip, snip.

And you wonder
why you have no man.

So... am I mistaken

or did you and Alonzo
seriously hit it off?

I saw it, too.

Yes, ladies, she does have that.

"He could be the
one" look in her eyes.

Now, see, Regine, that's
how you always ruin things.

When it comes to men, you
always get ahead of yourself.

Now, me, I'm going
to enjoy this day

and not even consider tomorrow.

Mm‐hmm.

What you doing?

I was putting his
number in speed dial.

What? Come on,
now, leave me alone.

You think I'm
weird because I like

sleepytime tea in the morning
and breakfast tea at night?

I think you're weird, but
not because of the tea.

Why did y'all put the
chain on the back door?

I had to come
around the building.

Wow, you just answered your
own question now, didn't you?

So, any Khadijah sightings?

Nope.

Last night, she and Alonzo

celebrated their
three‐week anniversary

and she stayed at his place.

No, wait a minute.
That was Monday.

No, last night, they celebrated

the anniversary of the first
time they spoke on the phone

and tonight,
they're celebrating...

Tuesday.

Well, alright. This
thing is going well.

Good for Khadijah.

She's long overdue.

Well, I have to admit
I have mixed feelings.

Although I'm happy for
her, I‐I feel little neglected.

Sometimes I wish
she'd... get a paper cut.

You're a bad seed, Synclaire.

Hey, what's up? I can't
talk. I gotta change.

Alonzo's waiting
for me in the car.

I'm caught up. How about you?

Whoo. Feel like I was there.

Regine!

Can I borrow a pair of socks?

If you'd done your laundry,
you'd have your own.

Thanks. I'll help myself.

That's why her funky laundry

made a break for
the door yesterday.

You know, she's being
just as irresponsible at work.

She's having me make her calls
and sharpen all of her pencils.

You nut, that's your job.

Yeah, but now she's
making me do it.

Well, who can blame her,
huh? I mean, the girl is in love.

I'm sure if it us, we'd
act the same way.

Not me.

I wouldn't even
bother coming home.

I'd just buy new underwear
on the way to work.

Oh, come on, honey, face it.

Your cousin is a couple now.

Coming!

You know what, it
just occurred to me.

Khadijah's been seeing this
guy nonstop for about a month.

And what do we know about him?

His horn works.

Alright, y'all, I'm
out. See you later.

Okay, hold up there,
young whippersnapper.

The time has come for us
to get to know this Alonzo.

How about we go out to dinner?

Cool.

Can you make it Friday?

No. We got tickets
to the Knicks game.

Thursday?

It's grand opening night for P.
S. 276'S production of Grease.

Well, what about tomorrow?

Overton and I have our
pigeon protection meeting,

but, um... we can
catch the next one.

Then it's on.

Pigeon protection meeting.

They aren't the only couple
with an active social life.

Well, let me explain
the handyman's credo

as it applies to
our dog Sanford.

"If he ain't broke,
don't fix him."

But this book that the
vet gave me makes it clear

we need to nip this
problem in the bud.

Uh, not the bud exactly.

All he needs is like five
minutes with a French poodle.

How can he tell the difference
between a freaky French poodle

and my expensive
Italian suits, man?

I mean, he's already
marked the whole apartment.

Soon he'll be peeing on
the Empire State Building

and then the whole
city will be his.

Look, look, right here.
Read what the experts say.

"The procedure is painless

and the dog will
be more content."

Don't believe the hype.

Alright, but this morning, I
saw him eyeing your tool belt

with that... that
special yearning.

It'll be for his own good.

Mm‐hmm.

Hey, why don't you join us?

We can't, we've got to take
Sanford to the animal doctor

before Overton loses his nerve.

"The procedure is painless

and the dog will
be more content."

You really getting
that mutt cut?

"The procedure is painless

and the dog will
be more content."

And, uh, what can I get for you?

Let's see, a bottle of
champagne and five glasses.

We're expecting friends.

You got it. Thanks.

Ooh, I can't wait
to grill Alonzo.

Now, Max, you
know that ain't right.

Regine has a point.
That would be rude.

I'm talking tactics,
not manners.

First, we'll lull him into
a false sense of security

and then... we'll pounce on him

like he's the last bustier
at a half‐price sale.

Oh, man.

Man, it's been over an hour.

I hope nothing happened to them.

Well, I don't care
what happened.

I'm ordering dinner.

Well, I've tracked them down.

And where were they?

At Alonzo's.

I woke them up.

What?!

I cannot believe Khadijah
left us hanging like this.

Well, she said she's going
to be here in 15 minutes.

Well, they won't find me.

I'm out.

Look here.

I'm too through, okay?

Regine, stop sweatin' me.

I know I stood
you up, but I was...

you know, busy.

Synclaire's forgiven me.

Yeah.

Come on, I feel terrible.

If you could see my
face you would know.

She sincerely looks sorry.

Yeah, her skin
has cleared up too.

Come on, now.

I'll make it up to you at the
cafe. Alonzo and I are paying.

I'm ordering the most
expensive dish on the menu!

So?

We'll see you there?

Come on, Regine.

Don't make me beg.

Hold out for the
begging. It's worth it.

Okay.

What'd you think about this
shirt I picked out for Alonzo?

He looks so good in blue.

You can shop with me anytime.

Well, I saw a little
something today...

I never thought I'd be so sickened
at the thought of people shopping.

I mean, have you ever seen
two goofier people in your life?

My, my, my, where
did the time go?

Yee‐whoa‐ho!

I tell you, I'm no good
without my 11 hours.

Well, I suppose I could go

for another delicious
piece of cheesecake.

Oh, but, you know,
it is late. It is late!

Wait a minute. We
just got here. Hang.

Oh... wish we could.

Can't.

Nice to see you.

Yes.

Yes, yes, yes.

They seemed a little
bit out of it tonight.

Guess they were kind
of into their own thing.

Yeah.

More cheesecake?

Obie, man, you
need to get over it.

Can't, man.

I keep seeing them
wheeling Sanford away

on that little doggie gurney
with his hind paws crossed

as if he knew what
was going to happen.

Oh, Overton, you look like
you've lost your best friend.

Not me. Can't say the
same for Sanford, though.

Well, you've done
the right thing.

That's what I've
been trying to tell him.

And at least we gave him
his one last manly romp.

Yeah, we left him alone with
his favorite pair of trousers.

But he'll never know the
true pleasures of manhood.

Come on.

The dog is young.

He can't miss what he never had.

Ask Kyle.

I ignore you.

Overton, let's go.

For us, as well as Sanford,
there remains only the healing.

Think they have a
support group for this?

Ooh, look who
found her way home.

Where you been?

When y'all left, you
said you were tired.

We were tired of watching
you drool all over Alonzo.

Why are you buggin'?

Oh, Khadijah, you have
been buggin' for three weeks.

First we invite you
out; You stand us up.

Then you invite us out
and act like we're not there.

Look, Sybil, you're not the
first woman to get a man.

I really don't understand
what's up with this attitude.

I finally get a good man,
and y'all can't support me?

Well, it's kind of hard when
all you do is walk all over us.

This is so small.

Yeah, well, it's a
small world after all.

You know, I was
just hoping Alonzo

could get to know my friends.

That's it.

But I guess not.

That small world
thing got to her, huh?

I told Christopher, I said,
"You have to understand

"the difference
between real life

"and The Mighty
Morphin Power Rangers.

"You know, if you hit
Wilson in the head with a bat,

he will stay down."

You're good with
kids, I'm telling you.

I'd have picked him up by
his head till he looked peaceful.

Oh, man.

Alonzo, where have you been?

We were waiting for you.

Oh, man, I lost track
of time. I'm sorry, fellas.

Why don't you grab a
court? I'll be there soon.

Forget about it, man.

No, I'll be there, Stan.

Hey, he still
remembers your name.

Dig that. Let's go, man.

Come on, fellas.

Damn.

That was kind of deep.

Forget them.

I get with a good woman and
all my friends can do is complain.

I mean, what is that about?

Well, what have
they been saying?

Oh, you know, I ignore them.

All I do is talk about
you all the time.

They never see me anymore.

Hmm.

You know, my friends
been saying the same thing.

And I'm starting to
think they have a point.

Yeah, maybe they do.

I guess we've got to come
out of our little world sometime.

But it's so cozy in here.

Isn't it though?

Hey, here's an idea.

How about I introduce
your friends to my friends?

They already have
something in common.

They hate us.

Hey.

Y'all going somewhere?

Oh, what tipped
you off, our leaving?

I know I haven't exactly
been myself lately,

but I'm back.

Well, whoo‐hoo,
Khadijah's back, y'all.

Let's break out the good china.

Do you think you could stop
being hilarious long enough

for me to apologize?

Well?

That was it.

Oh.

That was weak.

What do you want from me?

A quart of blood and a
real apology, for once.

Okay, so I made the mistake
of putting a very handsome,

attractive, sensitive, extremely
sexy man, ahead of you...

and for that, I'm sorry?

You know, the sad part is,

that's as good as it gets.

Hey, I'm shocked
she said that much.

Am I off the list?
Are we cool or what?

Well, why don't you join us
for a game of miniature golf?

Okay.

You know, Alonzo likes golf.

I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

Tennis is his game.

Here you go, Sanford,
your favorite frisbee.

Well, how about this
squeaky little newspaper

so you can catch
up on your reading?

Aw, it's no use.

You've lost your zest for life.

What have we done?

You'll never be the
same again, will you?

Hey, Overton.

Down, boy, down, down!

Down, boy, down! Down, Sanford.

Sanford, down He's back, Kyle.

He's back!