Living Single (1993–1998): Season 1, Episode 23 - U.N.I.T.Y. - full transcript

Hey, no. You asked my opinion.

Come on, Regine,
that's just not Flavor.

I'm telling you, men
in tiny bathing suits

sell magazines.

So, what do you think, Marky
Mark is famous for his singing?

Marky Mark sings?

Come on, Khadijah, women
can appreciate the beauty of

the male body without feeling
embarrassed or ashamed.

Umm. I'm embarrassed
and ashamed.

What?

But what would my readers think?



What will we be
saying about men?

The same thing that
they say about us.

Damn, look where
they put that staple. Ugh.

♪ Check check check it out ♪

♪ Check check check it out ♪

♪ Do what you want ♪

♪ We are living ♪
♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Single ♪
♪ Hey ♪

♪ Yes we're living ♪

♪ The single life yeah ♪

♪ We are living ♪
♪ Hey ♪

♪ Single ♪
♪ Ooh ♪

♪ And in a nineties
kind of world ♪

♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪



♪ Keep your head up what ♪

♪ Keep your head
up that's right ♪

♪ Whenever this life get
tough you gotta fight ♪

♪ With my home‐girls
standing to my left and my right ♪

♪ True blue it's
tight like glue ♪

♪ We are living ♪
♪ Hey ♪

♪ Single ♪

♪ And in a nineties
kind of world ♪

♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪

♪ Haa ♪

So, how do I look, huh?

You look like Blackula.

You know what your problem is?

You do not appreciate
fine clothing.

As evidenced by
the Jethro Jumpsuit.

Go change.

Don't wanna change.

Come on, Overton, man
it's not every day I get asked

to host the executive
poker game.

Hey, man, you don't understand.
These are my lucky clothes.

See, this is what I was wearing

when I snaked out
Miss Jensen's sink

and found this lovely Timex.

Okay, fine. Look like a farmer.

But at least be pleasant
to Lawrence, alright?

He's the youngest
VP at the firm.

And a word from
him in the right ear

I can get bumped up
to corporate investor.

So you want me to kiss a
little corporate ass, huh?

If you wouldn't mind.

Man, whatever happened
to hard work and... dignity?

I am dignity, alright?

And it took hard work
to get into this game.

I have been waiting
over a year and a half

to hear those magic words,
"Fred died and you're in."

Ah, that's them.

Evening, fellas.

What'd I tell you?

The new guy always overdresses.

You better get that hot comb
away from me, Synclaire.

But, Khadijah, I'm not done.

Yes, you are.

I don't have no more
neck for you to blister.

Hey, don't you worry.

I got a Patti LaBelle wig that
will cover that up right nicely.

Hi.

I got pizza for Kyle
Barker. He live here?

‐ No. ‐ You want
'em? They're yours.

But won't that get you fired?

Yeah.

And?

Four pizzas? Hmm, I
smell a party going on.

That's right. And
we're not invited.

I say we eat that pizza.

Oh, that's not right. That's
eating their party food.

Synclaire's right. Let's crash.

Oh, sure, hanging a door
with two hinges is sufficient.

But for stability and balance

there's nothing like
a three hinge hang.

Now, chase 'em with window‐‐.

Oh, oh, Overton,
Overton, Overton, Overton.

I believe the question
was "How many cards?"

Three, as in, three hinges.

Weren't you listening?

I like this guy.

Farmer, huh?

‐ I'll take just one.
‐ 'There you go.'

Uh, two for me and
make 'em good this time.

Two little puppies
looking for a home.

I'll take three
and no cutsie talk.

Three for the man
with no sense of humor.

I'll take one, yeah.

Alright, I'm opening
with $2. Come on.

‐ See that $2. ‐ Come on.

Anyone check out that
new temp in the County?

‐ Oh.. ‐ Woo!

Oh, yeah, her body's a
nine but the windshield factor

brings her down to about a four.

‐ Oh. ‐ 'Yeah.'

Yeah, but she's got a
nice pair of igloos on her.

‐ Right, Dean? ‐
Uh, I love my wife.

I love my wife.

Dean just got married.

Yeah, guess he figured he
was getting too much sex.

Well, I tell you what, all of
you can forget about that temp.

Because she's already on
my to‐do list very, very much.

Oh, my!

‐ Who is it? ‐ 'Pizza.'

Sorry, we late but
you forgot to invite..

Thank you, thank
you and pay you later.

Bye.

Oh, poker. My game.

Uh‐uh. My game. A man's game.

What are you saying,
we're too wimpy to play?

Yes, and thanks
for understanding.

Kyle, Kyle, relax.
Let the ladies stay.

I mean, haven't you
ever heard of lady luck?

I think I just met her.

Yes, you heard
the man. Step aside.

Okay.

I'm Lawrence.

Regine.

Uh, can we get back to the game?

So, how much is the buy‐in?

Well, maybe Kyle didn't
make it plain to you, girls.

It's men only.

Is that right?

Uh, what J. T. Would've
said if he had any tact

is that this game
is sort of a tradition.

Just a few cavemen
and their cards.

Well, maybe you big strong
men would let us girls play

if we served you pizza
and bend over a lot.

I'll take a pepperoni.

And I know where you'll take it.

Alright, now, you just
got your head on, now.

Well, Overton, I'd love to
stay but it's time for solidarity.

Come on, Regine.

Uh, excuse you, but I
love my mama in Jersey.

Sell out.

‐ Hey. ‐ Put a pizza in there.

Oh, you're very beautiful woman.

But I bet you hear that a lot.

Well, once more wouldn't hurt.

You're a very beautiful woman

and I would love to have
dinner with you tomorrow night.

Well, this is awfully sudden.

Well, I'm suddenly
very interested

in getting to know you.

Suddenly, I'm free.

‐ Regine. ‐ Mm‐hmm.

Baby, can you help me
with the pizza, please?

Oh, sure, Kyle. Umm‐hmm.

Alright, look.

My promotion is riding on that
man's recommendation, alright.

And if he ends up hating you

he could end up hating me.

G‐get to the part of why I care.

Lookie here.

If this doesn't work out.

Pretend you don't know
me. Forget you ever knew me.

Act like you never
met me, alright.

Done.

But, but, if it does work out..

Tell him you're my cousin.

Cuz.

Okay, let's try another hand.

Oh, look at these.

Alright, Sister..
Here's the deal.

If we're gonna bust in there
and beat those Neanderthals

you're gonna have
to be able to keep

a straight face, alright?

Now, listen to me
'cause Max ain't no tutor.

And I ain't saying it again.

Got ya. I got ya.

Okay.

Wow!

You know how you could
really help us, Synclaire.

By serving plenty of snacks.

Am I on the bench?

Riding pine, baby.

I means that.

Doesn't matter anyway.

I mean, we're never
gonna beat those guys

if we don't know
their weaknesses.

Overton said he could
read those guys like a book.

He won $150 from them.

Oh, yeah. How we gonna get
him to rat out the other players?

Oh, please. He's
a man, isn't he?

Yes.

Well, just invite him down
for coffee and doughnuts.

Guys love that.

Oh, there you are!

Good day, Regine.

Oh, it was an evening of bliss.

Mm‐hmm.

Are we talking pure bliss?

Sheer bliss? Or naked bliss?

Max, please.

Lawrence was the
perfect gentleman.

Ladies.

Regine..

The stars burned to cinders

trying to compete with
your radiant beauty.

No, Kyle, your
name didn't come up.

Oh.

So, how did the date go?

Oh, y'all, it was a
wonderful evening.

We had dinner at
the Rainbow Room.

‐ I had the duck. ‐ Yeah, yeah.

Did you get some sweet lip?

When he brought me home

he asked if I'd like to go

on a picnic in the
park next weekend.

And then he gave me the
sweetest goodnight kiss..

Right here.

‐ Oh. ‐ Oh.

And then he mentioned something
about firing Kyle and drove off.

W‐what?

Joke.

Get a grip.

Ha, ha, ha.

She's funny, huh?

I thought I'd wait
for the second date.

You know, to make it
look like I'm not pressed.

So, I leaned over to
give her a little kiss.

And the next thing I know,
the girl was all over me.

‐ Ooh! ‐ I love my wife.

I love my wife.

Wait, wait, wait.
Dean loves his wife?

Okay, which one
of y'all got some?

Who else, my man.

Mm‐hmm.

I'm telling you. This girl
practically ripped my shirt off.

Dog.

And then she asked if I
wanted to try it standing up.

‐ So, I opened the sun
roof. ‐ 'Oh. Sunroof!'

You lucky dawg.

I guess, that temp wasn't
as chilly as we thought, huh?

Temp, we're talking
about Regine.

‐ Regine? ‐ Yep.

And I'm not one to
forget a favor, my brother.

Good move hooking
Lawrence up with the freak.

You're on your way up.

Single guys get all the breaks.

Yeah, lucky me.

What a lovely idea.

Inviting me down for
international coffee.

Very nurturing.

I hear you and Synclaire had
quite a dinner the other night.

Well, need I say more
than the Moo and Brew?

Well, my, my, my, Overton.

To afford an evening like that

you must've cleaned up at the
poker game the other night, huh?

Well, uh... let me
put it to you this way.

Uh‐huh.

Uh, little more sugar please.

Those guys look like
they came to play, Overton.

How'd you do it?

Well, I spent the
first few hands

kinda holding back, you know.

Checking out other players

until I could predict
their every move.

Wow, that's impossible.

Give us some examples.

Now, now, ladies.

You wouldn't be asking
me to betray the trust

of my poker companions
now, would you?

‐ Uh! Why? ‐ That's terrible.

That's just wrong.

Well, well. Too bad.

'Cause I don't like the way
those suit wearin' no necks

treated you in the first place.

And I'd be more than
happy to give 'em up.

Please do.

Alright, then.

Allow me.

Now, when Lawrence is bluffing.

He sucks his teeth like this.

Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk.

Now, Dean.

Now, whenever he
has a lousy hand..

Starts every sentence with.

"Well, well, well, well, well.."

J.T. J. T. On the other
hand is solid as a rock.

Big stupid rock.

See, you could see
his card in his glass.

What?

Must you do that now?

If not now when?

If not me who?

What you so testy about, man?

You know I always
buff on the fifteenth.

Oh, yes, the ides of Overton.

Huh.. What's bugging you, man?

Alright, man, you, you know how
Regine went out with Lawrence

the other night, right?

Right.

Well, today man at the office

he was telling all these lies.

Talking about Regine like
she was some kind of skeez.

Serious?

Word man.

Hmm, so you went off on him

and now you're afraid he's
gonna ruin your job, huh?

Well, hey you do the
right thing, brother.

Go on and hit that rock.

I'm sorry, man.

You said nothing?

But look it's not
like I haven't been

agonizing over this all day.

I mean, I‐I know
Regine doesn't deserve

to be dragged through the gutter

so Lawrence can feel like a man.

But, it's none of
my business, right?

I mean, you know,
Regine is grown.

She's a big girl, she can
take care of herself, right?

Yeah and Lawrence
was this close to

giving you that
promotion, right?

You damn right. Man, and I
worked hard for that promotion.

So I should keep
my mouth shut, yeah?

Sure. Long as you don't
mind not sleeping at night.

I can get a lot of reading done.

Man, whoo.

It works for me Load
off my mind. Thanks, bro.

Eh, be careful man 'cause I..

Just got finished
buffing in there.

‐ Deal, what you got?
‐ I got a pair of threes.

‐ I got a pair of sevens.
‐ Pair of queens, baby.

Six high straight. What you got?

King high straight.

Sorry, guys.

I guess lady luck still
got her touch, huh?

When were you ever in doubt?

I'll get it.

‐ This is my deal? ‐ Yeah.

‐ Hi, Overton. ‐
Ladies. What a surprise?

Oh, look.

In Vogue is back.

Well, we just came
by to apologize

for our behavior last week.

Uh, we didn't mean
to intrude like that.

That's right. 'Cause we didn't
have enough money on us.

Zesty ranch or
mule‐kicking salsa?

Hey, hey, hey, hey, wait, wait.

You don't really
expect to play, do you?

What are you afraid of?

The worst we can
do is kick your butts.

Hey, guys, you know, if the
ladies wants us to divest them

of their funds I think we
should oblige them this once.

Okay, alright. I can do that.

Okay.

How about five card
draw? Two's a wild.

Well, we don't play
wild cards, girlfriend.

He‐he‐he..

We don't, huh?

Well, in that case it's high low
stud down the river jack's back.

Cut 'em money.

I'm out.

Well, I'll see that five and

well, I'll raise you ten.

Well, I'll see that fifteen

and I'll raise you thirty five.

Whoo.. It's gettin' steep.

That's fifty to you, Khadijah.

Well, you only live once.

Well, well..

'Well, well..'

‐ Fold, Dean, fold. ‐ I fold.

Well, that just leaves us.

Since you wanna
play a man's game.

It's gonna cost you
another fifty dollars.

The tension mounts.

Fifty, huh?

Mmm‐hmm.

I call.

Can you beat a pair of eights?

Hell yes.

But what about
that full house baby?

Guess the cards didn't
know it was a man's game.

I did not come here to get
whacked by these bitches.

Uh, who you calling a bitch?

‐ Alright, watch
yourself. ‐ Set it off.

‐ No. No. No. ‐ Set it off.

Hold up. Hold up. I think
Kyle gonna handle this one.

Look it's just an expression.

No, man, it's a
jacked up attitude.

How dare you come in my
house and disrespect my friends.

And talking all that garbage
about Regine yesterday.

‐ Man, who do you think you
are? ‐ What, wait, wait a minute.

Let's back it up here.
Back it up, back it up.

What you say about me?

Go ahead, Lawrence.

Tell her what you said
you did on your first date.

Yeah, that's what I thought.
Man, get outta my house.

And there ain't gonna
be no picnic either.

You're a big
disappointment to me.

Yeah, likewise. I'm
sure. Press, man.

‐ Stupid move, Kyle.
‐ Why are you here?

I respect a guy who can stand
up and say what he really feels.

Uh, just don't‐don't
tell, Lawrence.

Uh, Regine, I'm sorry, baby.

Yeah, me too, Kyle.

Hey, gotta give
you credit, shorty.

You stood up to the man

who holds your future
in the palm of his hands.

A man who could
take that future and

crush it into a million pieces.

A man who could take
those million pieces

drop 'em to the ground

and grind them up
with his mighty boot.

Then take said pieces
and turn it into dust

and make the dust fly. Fly.

Oh, Regine, would you
like a yogurt covered peanut

to ease your pain?

Again, I'm fine. Okay?

Look, y'all, I'm not gonna
let this man get to me.

Shoot, I'm going home,
take a nice hot bath

chill out and just relax, right.

And then tomorrow
I'mma have the brother's

gas, water and
electric turned off.

I hope things are gonna be
cool for you at work tomorrow.

I'll be alright.

I mean who needs corporate back
biting and brown nosing anyway.

I've got greed on my side.

I'm bringing in
more new accounts

than anybody else, okay.

Well, Kyle, if that little
girl Lawrence ever tries

to get you fired, don't
worry about it, brother

you got a lawyer.

Max, you'd represent me?

Yeah, of course.

I mean, I don't let my personal
feelings interfere with my work.

I can represent you and
despise you at the same time.

‐ How many cards, baby? ‐ One.

There you go. Dealer take one.

Yippee.

‐ Aww, man.. ‐ Yeah, yeah.

Chumps, I was
bluffin'. Give me money.

Moo and Brew, huh?

Moo and Brew them all, baby.

Moo and Brew them all.

♪ Instinct leads
me to another flow ♪

♪ Every time I hear a brother
call a girl a bitch or a ho ♪

♪ Tryna make a sister feel low ♪

♪ You know all
of that gots to go ♪

♪ Now everybody knows
there's exceptions to this rule ♪

♪ Now don't be getting mad
when we playing it's cool ♪

♪ But don't you be
calling me out my name ♪

♪ I bring wrath to those who
disrespect me like a dame ♪

♪ That's why I'm talking ♪

♪ One day I was
walking' down a block ♪

♪ I had my cut off shorts on
right 'cause it was crazy hot ♪

♪ I walk past these dudes
when they pass me ♪

♪ One of 'em felt my
booty he was nasty ♪

♪ I turned around red somebody
was catching the wrath ♪

♪ Then the little one said
yeah me bitch and laughed ♪

♪ Since he was with his
boys he try to break fly ♪

♪ Huh, I punched
him dead in his eye ♪

♪ And said who
you calling a bitch? ♪

♪ U‐N‐I‐T‐Y You
gotta let him know ♪

♪ U‐N‐I‐T‐Y ♪