Living Single (1993–1998): Season 1, Episode 21 - Friends Like These - full transcript

Evenin', Max, Regine, Khadijah.

Sweet pea.

Pumpkin pie.

Yeah, I got all the
groceries you wanted.

I got paper towel,
onions and fresh fish.

These little gill breathers
are for my new aquarium.

Well, Overton, I thought you
had your heart set on a puppy.

Well, Kyle's allergic
to anything with fur.

Yeah, like Max's upper lip.

Besides, I didn't want any
mangy flea‐bitten animal

running around the apartment.



Too much competition?

They're cute and all, but
what do you do with a fish?

Yeah, the word
sushi comes to mind.

♪ Check check check it out
check check check it out ♪

♪ What you want?
No free position ♪

♪ We are living ♪
♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Single ♪
♪ Hey ♪

♪ Yes we're living
the single life yeah ♪

♪ We are living ♪
♪ Hey ♪

♪ Single ♪

♪ Ooh and in a
'90s kind of world ♪

♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪

♪ Keep your head up what? ♪

♪ Keep your head
up that's right ♪



♪ Whenever this life get
tough you gotta fight ♪

♪ With my home girls standing
to my left and my right ♪

♪ True blue it's
tight like glue ♪

♪ We are living ♪
♪ Check check check it out ♪

♪ Single ♪

♪ And in a '90s kind of world ♪

♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪

♪ Haaaa ♪

‐ I love this movie.
‐ Yeah, me too.

I mean, the kid was good

but the whale's performance
was a virtual tour de force.

Oh!

Khadijah, why don't you
let me borrow the scarf?

It'll go great with
my new blue suit.

My grandmother
gave me that scarf.

Well, she would have
if I hadn't just taken it.

What the devil?

Is Willy free yet?

Now who would be rude enough

to come by unannounced
this late at night?

Yeah, all the usual
suspects are already here.

‐ Jackie! ‐ Hey, now.

What's up, baby?

‐ What's going on? ‐ Max! Oh!

Yes, yes, yes. Big hug.

Everybody, this is Jackie,
my girl from college.

Wait a minute, aren't you
the one that got suspended

for registering as
Sidney Poitier's niece?

No.

Hey, I was right behind her

registering as Clarice,
the missin' Belafonte.

So what are you
doin' in New York?

I thought I'd take a
crack at acting, you know.

The legitimate stage.

And, Khadijah, I promise as
soon as things start working for me

I'll pay back that money.

You owe me money?

Two hundred and
twenty six dollars

borrowed in June of 1986.

Give me a minute, I'll
figure out the interest.

Max never changes.

Despite popular demand.

I'm goin'.

Yeah, I gotta go and
check on the little tykes.

Oh, you have kids?

No, fish. They're
just like kids.

Only smaller and wetter.

So you hungry, Jackie?

You know me, I'm on
that macrobiotic diet again.

You got any brown
rice and vegan curd?

Nope. I've got some fudge.

‐ Close enough. ‐ Well.

She seems really nice
and nutritionally aware.

Yep, she's a freakin' joy.

And talk about a mooch, ooh.

Well, now if that ain't the
pot callin' the kettle a sponge.

In college, Jackie
talked me and Khadijah

into starting a
sandwich business.

We even put up the cash.

Two weeks later,
Jackie ditches us

and starts a new jazz
combo, The Jackie Five.

Me and Khadijah were
stuck with six, count 'em

six dozen cases
of garlic baloney.

Well, Khadijah seems
to have gotten over it.

Khadijah likes garlic baloney.

Man, that was nothing
compared to the time

we put on camouflage gear
and raided the guys dorm..

‐ Looking for a few good men.
‐ Looking for a few good men.

Hey, Max. Where
were you that night?

I was in my dorm room

eating sandwich after
sandwich after sandwich.

Hey, Max in the..

Jackie, you're still here.

In my chair.

Yes.

Where are the raisin bagels?

My mouth was all
set for raisin bagels.

I need my raisin bagel.

Oops.

‐ There's still some
left. ‐ Oh, God.

Hello. Oh, just a sec.

‐ Jackie, for you. ‐ Ooh!

I gave out the number,
that's okay, isn't it?

Hello. Hi. Good, thank you.

Unbelievable.

What, is she getting
her mail here too?

Max, if you've got a
problem with Jackie

take it up with Khadijah.

I mean, she's her friend.

Now do you think I
would waste my time

venting to you two if I
could talk to Khadijah?

As far she is concerned,
Jackie can do no wrong.

Oh, I know what
you're talking about.

I feel the same way
about LeVar Burton.

Come on, you're lying.

His producer's secretary
is a friend of mine.

You heard it from me.

Jackie is gonna hook
me up with Arsenio

for the cover of "Flavor."

Get out. Work it.

‐ The Arsenio? ‐ Mm‐hmm.

The Arsenio.

Well, I'm gonna go tell
Overton and the fish.

Jackie, come with me.
They'll never believe me.

Oh, fish can be so skeptical.

Do you really think
Jackie can get you

an interview with Arsenio Hall

and me an interview
with Blair Underwood?

‐ That's not what she
said. ‐ That's what I want.

Let me go and talk to her.

Man, Jackie is amazing.

Mm‐hmm. I find her
consistently stupefying.

Well, I think she's the kind of
person that makes things happen.

She convinced
me to start "Flavor"

when everybody else
said it couldn't be done.

Including you.

Hey, I never said you couldn't.

I just pointed out the odds on
a young, single black women

with no collateral getting a
loan from the middle‐aged

white‐male‐dominated
banking industry, okay?

But you were behind
me in spirit, right?

One hundred percent.

Look, the one with the
weak chin smiled at me.

Yeah. Black Cocoa is
putting on a little weight.

Oh, Bad‐ass Marisse
always gets the food before.

Uh, what is the
fascination with the fish?

I mean, you can't teach
them tricks, you can't pet 'em

and if you take 'em
out for a walk, they die.

But their world is so
much like yours, Kyle.

I mean, they're self‐sufficient.

Only the strongest survive.

And the pretty boys
get all the female.

Is that so?

Hey, check it out, Kyle.
Little Cocoa is looking at you.

Right, mm‐hmm.

Yes, she is.

She's saying, "Kyle don't
hate me because I'm scaly".

Uh‐huh, yeah, uh‐huh.

I gotta go to work.

Bye‐bye, Cocoa.

Okay, so fine. So
you are kind of cute.

Oh, you know it
too. Look at you.

Woo‐woo! Woo‐woo.

♪ Kyle and Cocoa
sitting on a tree ♪

♪ K‐I‐S‐S‐I‐N‐G ♪

Peasants, rejoice.
Max is in the office.

Alright, back to work. Hey.

You're a little early for
lunch. It's only 11:30.

Well, my stomach
says five past 12:00.

Let's go and do this.

Khadijah, FYI, for your approval

per your request,
the cover layout.

Looks good, but don't
send it to the printer yet

'cause we might
have to remake it

if we get Arsenio for the cover.

‐ Somethin' on your mind,
Max? ‐ Oh, come on, Khadijah.

She's not gonna
get you no Arsenio.

Max, just because
you don't like Jackie

doesn't mean I can't, okay?

Why not? You've never tried.

I pick my own friends.
End of discussion.

Fine, okay.

But we both know
it's just a matter of time

before she starts working
her way back into your wallet.

Max, give it a rest.

Ooh, sorry, I'm late,
but I had an audition.

Where's my desk, boss?

Not a word.

Well, the job search
seems to have gone well.

Mm‐hmm.

Jackie is our newest
file clerk and assistant.

I'm taking her under my wing.

Khadijah, it's your
tax guy on line 2.

Not a happy camper.

I gotta take this.

Okay, here's your first tip.

Whenever Khadijah's
talking to her tax guy

it's best to stay
out of her way.

Synclaire, get in
here with the books.

Darn.

That's Khadijah's
favorite scarf.

Is it?

Alright, look here, Jackie.

Khadijah may not
see what you're doing

but my eyes are wide open, okay?

You are not going
to use her this time.

Is that what you
think I'm about?

Hell, yeah.

You're eating Khadijah's
food, you're staying at her place

and now you've got
her paying you to do it.

Ipso facto, that
raisin bagel was mine.

Now when you begin
to staple, be careful.

Khadijah hates it when
you interrupt the work day

to go the hospital.

Hey, Khadijah, you got a second?

Sure, what's up?

Um, I've been thinking and, um

I really don't wanna
wear out my welcome.

What are you talking about?

I don't want you to think that
I'm taking advantage of you.

‐ What? ‐ Well, uh,
Max and I were‐‐.

Alright, enough said.
Jackie, ignore her.

This is none of her business.

But, uh, I don't wanna
come between you two.

Somebody better
before I kill her.

Take these
galleys to the printer

and take that stapler
from Synclaire.

I don't have time to
take her to the hospital.

Hi, Kyle. Hello, buttercup.

Hello, um, uh,
night‐blooming jasmine.

Yeah, hi.

Oh, good, everyone's here.

We'd like to introduce you

to the newest member
of our fish family.

Yes, a fish so rare so
handsome, so manly

that he can only be called
by one name, Kyle Barker.

Oh, how cute.

Let's introduce
him to the other fish.

I think it's so sweet that
he named him Kyle Barker.

Oh, he names everything
he likes Kyle Barker.

‐ Hello. Hey. ‐ 'Hey.'

‐ So where's Jackie? ‐
Sorry, Max, she's coming back.

She just went to run
a couple of errands.

Well.

Well, since she's not here,
do you mind filling me in

on that little conversation
you had with her earlier?

Oh, she sure didn't
waste any time, did she?

This is not about her

this is about you
talkin' behind my back.

Well, I'm sorry, but
when I see my best friend

makin' a fool out of
herself, I have to speak on it.

Tell me about it.

I have this friend
at work, April.

Huh, talk about a woman

who should not wear
horizontal stripes.

I mean, really, she
isn't a stupid woman.

Just a pear‐shaped one.

So finally, I had to
sit her down one day

and I said, "April, April!"

You're a pear."

Max, Jackie is
like family to me.

Now I accept her for who she is.

If you can't, that's
your problem.

Come on, Khadijah. When
are those alarms gonna go off?

Come on. She's using you.

See, that's just like you.
You look for the negative.

At least she can be supportive.

Now that's what
I did with April.

See, I pointed out the negative
in order to be supportive.

See, stripes? No.

Basic black? Yes, yes.

Khadijah, the bottom line.

You don't cut me half
the slack you cut Jackie

and I'm twice the friend she is.

And you let her wear your scarf.

‐ This is about a scarf? ‐ Yes.

‐ This is a fashion
argument. ‐ Yes.

Yes, of course, wait, you know

I should tell April
to wear a scarf.

Sure. See, they draw
attention up towards the face.

Oh, thank you.

You know what, Khadijah.

I don't know why I
bother trying to help you.

‐ Neither do I. ‐ Fine.

At least we agree on something.

Hey, hey, hey.

Look, April, now
I'm just trying to say

that a scarf would help.

'Cause I'm the one
that's got to look at you

in the leopard stretch pants.

Well, rise and
shine, boys and girl.

Hey, Kyle! Wake
up, man, wake up!

What? What?

They're gone,
Kyle. They're gone.

Overton, man.

Alright, look, Kyle
Barker's still here

so there's gotta be
some explanation, right?

Yeah, the explanation,
he ate 'em all.

Look at him. Just
licking his chops.

Oops.

Oops?

Oops?

Little Cocoa was in the
prime of her life, man.

Just swimmin' around.

Then here comes
Kyle Barker like "Jaw."

‐ Duh‐duh‐duh. ‐
Overton, Overton. Overton!

Look, man, I'm sorry.

I‐I thought he was a
vegetarian, you know.

Murderer!

I'm sorry, man.
I'm just lashing out.

‐ That's alright.
‐ You fish killer.

Hey, Khadijah, good news.

I was on the phone with my
girl who works for Arsenio.

He's in town and he may drop by.

I've got my questions ready.

Oh, I'm so excited.

I haven't been
this excited since

since the last time
I was this excited.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Jackie, it is so good
having you around again.

You know, it is
really good to be here.

And watching your run
your business like this

has made me want
something of my own.

So I have decided to become
a cosmetic tattoo technician.

Okay.

You know, it's when people get

permanent lip
liner and eye liner.

It's the next big thing.

And the class only costs $500

and I will pay you back
out of the first month's profit.

You don't need to pay back
money you're not going to get.

Oh, come on, Khadijah,
you are an entrepreneur.

Think of it as a
business investment.

Jackie, first of all, no.

Secondly, what the hell.

Thirdly, what are you drinkin'?

Forget I even bought it up.

Maybe I should just
go back to my desk.

Maybe you should.

Um, excuse me, Khadijah.

Can I borrow $50?

Are the words cash machine
written across my forehead?

What do you need $50 for?

Well, I lent Jackie
$200 yesterday.

And according to my calculations

I only have 150 in my account.

I don't believe this.

Well, now check for yourself.

See, two entries
earlier, I added the six

and didn't carry the one
and then there was‐‐

Jackie, can I see
you in my office?

Synclaire, can I see
you from far away?

What's up?

Did you borrow
money from Synclaire?

What? For needles and ink.

I don't care what it was for.

Look, I, I still have the
money. I, I can give it back.

Well, you will. But
that's not even the point.

How are you ever supposed
to get where you're going

if you change directions
every two weeks?

I know what you
are saying, Khadijah

but when something
feels right for me, I go for it.

And I really believe
that this is the thing.

Jackie, I know you
believe what you're sayin'.

I'm just not so
sure I do anymore.

I suppose a complimentary
beauty mark won't set things right.

I hear you, man.
And you're right.

I got some growin' to do.

And I need to stop
leanin' on my friends.

Yes.

Besides, it's time I paid
a visit to my parents.

Kyle Barker just ate 'em up, yo.

Just ate 'em up.

Yeah, well, think of it

as if they've gone
on to a better place.

A big sea world in the sky.

Oh, here you are, Overton.

Um, look, man, I want to
apologize again for, you know‐‐.

The massacre?

Well, you're the one who has
to deal with that, aren't you?

Alright, look, I‐I
think I got somethin'

that'll make us both feel
a little bit better, okay?

Oh..

What about your
allergies though, man?

Oh, it's cool 'cause you
will be buyin' antihistamines.

Oh, that stuff is expensive.

Either that or save the dog.

More pills and nasal spray.

Alright, so where's Khadijah?

Oh, a dog?

Alright, so where's Khadijah?

What are you doin' here?
I thought you were mad.

Oh, so now I'm suppose to
starve because you mistreated me.

That's very selfish of
you, Khadijah. Very selfish.

Alright, well, the
table's set for four

and with Jackie gone, I
guess there's room for you.

Jackie's gone?

Like Tammy
Talk‐A‐Lot didn't call you

the minute I left to
take her to the station.

Actually, I called her
half an hour earlier.

I kind of saw it coming.

Now I was thinking
this scarf would look

kind of tough
with your new suit.

Not the one that belonged
to your Grammy James.

I couldn't.

And, Khadijah, if this
is your way of saying

you're sorry, I accept.

I'm not saying anything, but
don't get nothin' on my scarf.

Fine.

But you've got to admit

Jackie never comes through.

Okay. What?

Uh, I'm‐I'm looking
for a Khadijah James.

I'm Khadijah James.

No, no, no, I'm Khadijah James.

Yeah, me too.

Excuse these fools.
I'm Khadijah James.

Hi, it's a pleasure to meet you.

Come on in.

Mr. Hall, remember me?

Overton Wakefield Jones.

You live right down the street
from my Aunt Lucia in Cleveland.

Oh, oh, the chicken lady.

‐ Yeah. Yeah. ‐ Yeah.

‐ Yes. ‐ Yeah.

She watch your show every night

and she say, "You can
always tell them Hall children"

by the head."

She said you had
the perfect Hall head.

Actually, she's right, man.

I mean, you should
see my cousin, Curtis.

He got the big real head too.
We all got that head, you know.

Come on, have a
seat, have a seat.

Here. Take off your coat.

Actually, she's right.

You should see my
cousin, Curtis, man.

His head, big, like..

‐ Come on, talk to me. ‐ Okay.

I'm talking to you, talk to me.

Hey, let me interview
your ass now. Take it easy.

Excuse me, excuse me.

You all act like this
when Letterman come by.