Living Single (1993–1998): Season 1, Episode 17 - The Hand That Robs the Cradle - full transcript

Hey, that's a slick
look, Kyle, but..

Tad pretentious indoors
though, don't you think?

Overton, man, I just got
back from the ophthalmologist.

I need glasses.

That's not a big deal.

No, no, no. You
do not understand.

I am Kyle Barker, baby.
Perfect male specimen.

Eight percent body fat.
Reflexes of a panther. Word.

See, there's
something so pathetic

about a brother like that
having to wear glasses.

Kyle.



Time for some tough love.

Stop your whining!

There's nothing pathetic
about you. Come on.

What are you doing anyway?

♪ Check check check it out
check check check it out ♪

♪ What you want?
No free position ♪

♪ We are living ♪
♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Single ♪
♪ Hey ♪

♪ Yes we're living
the single life yeah ♪

♪ We are living ♪
♪ Hey ♪

♪ Single ♪

♪ Ooh and in a
'90s kind of world ♪

♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪

♪ Keep your head up what? ♪



♪ Keep your head
up that's right ♪

♪ Whenever this life get
tough you gotta fight ♪

♪ With my homegirls standing
to my left and my right ♪

♪ True blue it's
tight like glue ♪

♪ We are living ♪
♪ Check check check it out ♪

♪ Single ♪

♪ And in a '90s kind of world ♪

♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪

♪ Haaaa ♪

Ooh, that looks good.

Mmm. Okay.

Well, Khadijah, you can't
eat all that by yourself.

Come on now.

Max, why don't you
order something?

I told you I'm not hungry.

Hey, guys, sorry I'm late.

But I was stopped
by the ultimate dress.

Ooh, it is perfect
for the "Flavor" party.

‐ Let me guess. It's
strapless. ‐ Backless.

And hits the
cleavage about here.

See, being around me has
given you all some fashion sense.

Bam.

Hey, you'll be overdressed
and underdressed as usual.

Look, Regine, this is
just something simple

to thank my advertisers.

I mean, we're gonna go
stock up at the food barn

and fire up the old hot plate.

Great. A hoedown.

I'm saying, Khadijah

honey, this party is
for "Flavor," your baby

so it should be special.

Now what's the one thing I
know better than anybody?

Synthetic hair.

I mean, besides that. Parties.

You know what, it's true.

Remember that clever
Columbus Day party she threw

and invited only single
man named Christopher.

She's good. She's good.

And I will save
you a lot of work.

Okay, you got $200.

You're joking, right?

I'm serious, right.

‐ Max. ‐ 'Hmm?'

Don't look now, but there's a
guy over there staring at you.

‐ Where? ‐ The
young guy behind you.

‐ Don't look. ‐ Sorry.

Okay, wait, look
now. No, no, d..

What the hell? Come on.

'Okay, look fast. Well?'

All I saw was braids.

‐ He's coming over. ‐ Mm‐hmm.

Excuse me, but aren't
you Maxine Shaw?

Yes.

I'm Brendan King.

We met at the NYU job
fair. Uh, I'm a freshman there.

‐ Ooh, fresh and
tender. ‐ Stop it. Stop.

Um, oh, yes, Brendan.
It's nice to see you again.

These are my friends.
Khadijah, Synclaire and..

Yes.

Well, I just wanted to tell
you I thought your presentation

on criminal law was outstanding.

Very inspiring.

Well, it's what I do.

Work it, Mrs. Robinson.

You know before I
met you, I had no idea

what I was even gonna major in.

But now, I'm seriously
considering a career in law.

Well, it's a lot of hard work.

But there's nothing
more fulfilling

than embracing the law with
the respect that it deserves

and then beating your
point upside the head with it.

Well, if you get any spare time

I do have some more in‐depth
questions I would like to ask.

Feel free to call
me at my office.

Thank you. I will.

It's a pleasure meeting you all.

Girl.

I do believe you have
just been macked.

‐ Oh. ‐ Oh, please.

He still has mother's
milk on his breath.

Yes. Yes.

Okay, how about this
for the buffet table?

An ice swan
surrounded by calla lilies

and a dozen white doves.

You got $200.

Khadijah, this party
is an extension of you.

I don't recall any ice
swans where I'm from.

And if you take a closer look

underneath all those
wigs, you'll find your roots.

I'm everything I pretend to be.

Hey, Synclaire. Hey, Khadijah.

Hey, Regine. No
time for pleasantry.

Look here. I need you all
to do me a big favor today.

What's in it for us?

Anyway, Kyle went
to the ophthalmologist

and it seems that he
needs to wear glasses.

Oh, knowing Kyle, he's
probably a little sensitive, huh?

Just a skosh.

So if you could say
something nice to him

it would give you all
a warm feeling inside.

Hot tea can do that.

Alright, I'll give you each $5.

Done.

Well, it is the Christian way.

Okay, come on. Let me have it.

Get it over with. Come on.

Well, Kyle, they look great.

Yeah, man, you look
very sophisticated.

Really?

Yes, you have such pretty eyes.

And those glasses make
your eyes look really big.

Wow. Really big!

What Synclaire would say

if it weren't for that
foot in her mouth

is that those glasses
make you look sophisticated

and intellectual.

‐ Oh, you think so? ‐ I know so.

Hey, nice look, Mr. Magoo.

Well, Max, did he call?

‐ Who? ‐ Oh you know who.

The freshman.
You know, jailbait.

If you mean Brendan,
yes, he called.

And what did junior have to say?

Actually, he had
quite a bit to say.

He has a very interesting
way of seeing things

and he asked me some
really good questions.

Like, what are you
doing Saturday night?

No.

‐ He asked me
out Friday. ‐ 'What..'

I knew it. I know a
mack when I see one.

Yes.

Oh, I bet he's home right now

planning a romantic
evening, huh?

Candlelight.

Two Happy Meals.

Wait, and a "Barney" marathon.

Sounds to me like
he's kind of young.

He's 18.

Whoo.

Oh, Max, now that you've taken

to cruising the nursery
schools, what's next?

Staking out the maternity ward?

Come on now, Max is not
gonna waste her time with a guy

whose tape deck
says my first Sony.

‐ Hmm. That's good. ‐ Wow!

He is seven years
younger than you are.

My, when you were 21, he was 14.

When you were 14, he was 7.

When you were 7, he wasn't..

‐ Oh, my sides.
‐ Alright, alright.

But wait, wait, but
on the other hand

good things come in sevens.

You got the, uh,
seven‐year itch.

The seven deadly sins.

The seven circles of hell.

Now when you think about it, it
don't look so good for you, Max.

Well, you guys can all
stop wasting your breath

'cause I'm not
going out with him.

‐ You said no? ‐
Of course, I said no.

Oh, wait. I got a good
seven. The seven dwarves!

‐ Forget it! ‐ 'Ah.'

I win. You pay.

Oh, that does not count.

You knocked down that old lady.

I did not knock her down.

I only grazed her walker.

Hi, can I get you something?

Oh, yes, yes, um, I'll take a
coffee with Kahlua, please.

‐ Yeah, make that
two, man. ‐ Whoo.

Okay, I'll, uh, have
to see your IDs.

Ah.

I guess we're busted.

Whoo, yes. Okay, we'll
just have two plain coffees.

‐ I'm sorry about that,
Max. ‐ Are you kidding?

It's been a while
since I've been carded.

Hey, look, "A Streetcar
Named Desire"

is playing at the
St. Mark Cinema.

‐ You wanna go tomorrow?
‐ Oh, I love that movie.

‐ Stella! ‐ Stella!

Oh, Max, this last week
with you has been incredible.

I know. I was there.

Damn!

What's wrong?

Oh, I forgot. I hate this place.

‐ Oh. ‐ Hey there, Max.

‐ Brendan, right?
‐ Yeah, that's him.

Hello again.

Nice to see you again.

We'll see you again later.

Yes, come and talk to us.

Maybe I will.

Oh, you will.

Okay, I have gone
over this party budget

with a fine toothcomb

and it's just not gonna
happen for no $200.

So I shall write
down a dollar amount

I think we both
can be happy with.

Okay, I shall write down
another dollar amount

I think might be a
little more to your liking.

Alright, Khadijah, the
least you could do is

have the courtesy to look at it.

Unless this says $200,
you're wasting your time.

And napkins that could be
used for the party. Thank you.

Thanks a lot for
ruining my evening.

What?

You guys were all
up in my business.

Please, if anybody
should be mad, it's us.

I thought you weren't
seeing Brendan. You lied.

Only because you made it
plain, you wouldn't back me up.

‐ I always back you up. ‐ How?

Name a time I
didn't back you up.

How about that time I
wanted to go bungee jumping?

Now see, that was
stupid and dangerous.

And what about when
I started dating Greg?

That was stupid
and a waste of time.

And what about when I
wanted to become a model?

Please.

No, no. That was just stupid.

Max, I think you
kept Brendan from us

'cause you're ashamed
of the relationship.

Regine, you are not talking
to me about relationships.

You who can't even
commit to a hairstyle.

Good, all of you are here.

Maybe you all can help me
talk some sense into Kyle.

Thanks to Max, he's
refusing to wear his glasses.

Look, Overton, we're in the
middle of something here.

Yo, I paid you all $5 a
piece cash money to be nice.

I want a return
of my investment.

Overton, look, man, I
wore the glasses for a day.

My eyes are much
better now. Watch.

Regine. Khadijah. Synclaire.

Sasquatch.

Come here. We are in the
middle of a very juicy story here.

It seems that Max,
the older attorney

has been dating Brendan,
the young freshman.

She thought she
could get away with it

until we spotted her at the cafe

sharing more than just coffee.

Hmm. Well, how deep
did this relationship go?

Exactly. Let's rejoin them
now, shall we? Break.

So dating a younger man, huh?

That's a natural.

Yeah, well, so is your birth.

Oh, Kyle, you dated
younger women.

Yes, but that's normal.

Alright. Everybody, quiet.

I got to hear this one.

It is a scientific fact that
women mature sooner than men.

Therefore, it is only natural
for us to try to get to them

before gravity does.

Of course, I don't mean you, Max

because sagging could
only improve your looks.

It is also a proven fact that
women reach their sexual peak

oh, somewhere around
40 while men burn out at 19.

So when I'm getting the
gold at the sexual Olympics

you'll have wrung out your
towel and hung it up to dry.

Alright. Yeah.

Listen, y'all. Come on now, Max.

It doesn't matter
who's younger or older.

What I fail to understand is
why you felt you had to lie to us?

Come on, as soon as
I mentioned he called

you made it very clear
how you felt about Junior.

‐ When did you get so
sensitive? ‐ Sensitive.

God, we were just teasing.

Yeah.

And I was just
laughing a lot, you know.

‐ Well, we're off it
now. ‐ Yes, we are.

Max, listen, why don't
you bring the little fellow?

I mean, I mean, the man.

Why don't you bring Brendan
to the "Flavor" party, huh?

The more, the merrier.

Oh, and now I'm stupid, right?

‐ Oh, you‐‐ ‐ Don't.

Come on, Max, we
ain't your coroner.

If Brendan is your
man, he's our man.

This is my party. I
want you to be there.

Okay. We'll be there.

Good. And you can tell Brendan

he can park his Big
Wheel in my spot.

Hey, can you off
stay off that thing?

Come on, stop your
pout. This is a great party.

Girl, you worked that $200.

I bet you next year
you could do it with 100.

Oh, yeah, we'll just move
the party to a trailer park

and serve spam balls.

Oh, my God.

Who'd think someone that young
could look that good in a suit?

Well, I tried to tell you that
was the ladies' restroom.

Shh. Now give me my glasses.

You know, those figures
look the same on those signs.

Well, here's a clue.

The one with the
blue triangle dress

that's the girl.

Check out Max and her nephew.

‐ What? ‐ Hey,
how are you doing?

‐ I'm Overton. ‐ Brendan.

‐ I'm Kyle. ‐ Good to meet you.

I understand you have some
problem deciding on your major.

Well, I'm weighing
a few options.

Yeah, well, don't fret.
You got lot of time.

Hell, I remember when
I was a young rascal

I couldn't decide between
the fine arts or trade.

But after that tragic
ballet debacle..

That's when the prima ballerina

took the literal interpretation
of the nutcracker.

My mom tried to make
me take dance classes

but now that I'm
18, I do what I want.

As long as I keep my room clean.

Excuse us. We're gonna
go get some punch.

Yes, do that.

Brendan seems like an okay guy.

Yeah, he's alright. So
what's he doing with Max?

Yes, I'm still with Evans
And Bell Associates.

Are you still with
Braxton and Watters?

Actually I'm up for partner
since Watters was indicted.

Oh.

‐ And what do you
do, Brendan? ‐ Well‐‐

‐ He's in education. ‐ Oh.

I guess that's one
way of putting it.

I'm a student in NYU.

Oh, maybe you know
my daughter, Gina Jones.

She's a sophomore there.

Well, she is a year ahead of me.

Excuse us. Hey, what's up?

‐ Certainly. ‐ 'Oh. Look.'

I have just spotted the
future Mrs. Kyle Barker.

‐ Kyle‐‐ ‐ Unh‐unh. Unh‐unh.

I saw her first, man.

If you say so.

Look at that poise.

'That elegance.'

Now you need to look at
that through your glasses.

Oh, the horror.

You worked that video.
Yes, you did, Max, come on.

Unh‐unh, perhaps you heard that

Bobby Brown,
Whitney Houston duet.

Yeah, kind of had a
new edition feel to it.

‐ 'Yeah.' ‐ Yeah. Yeah.

You see Bobby Brown
used to be a new edition

before he went solo.

I know that, Max.

Can I talk to you for a second?

Sure.

What's up?

Are you embarrassed
to be here with me?

Oh, come on now.
Is that what you think?

Tell me I'm wrong.

Embarrassed is
such a strong word.

You know I don't need this.

I'm gonna go back
to my dorm and see

what the other kids are up to.

What did you do now?

Why is everything
automatically my fault?

Do I have to make a list or
are you gonna go after him?

Go after him.

Well, that was a
real mature exit.

Hey, I'm not staying
where I'm not comfortable.

I mean, if the age thing

was bothering you, you
should have said something.

Oh, Brendan, it's not that
you're young that bothers me.

Okay, then what is it?

It's that you're young

and I'm really
starting to like you.

And that's a bad thing, huh?

Look, why don't
you give me a call

when you're mature
enough to handle this?

‐ I got midterms to study
for. ‐ Okay, alright, look.

Why don't we give us
a little bit more time?

I'll get smarter,
you'll get older.

I'll get better,
you'll get older.

Before too long,
we'll both be 29.

I see my little
girl's growin' up.

Listen, we are two very
good‐looking people

in a small room alone.

So why are we still talking?

Sorry, technical difficulties.

Ooh, I see you've straightened
things out with Brendan.

I guess you could say that.

I wasn't down with
the idea of him at first

but now I see why you
like him. He's pretty cool.

That's nice, but I don't care.

I've spent too
much time worrying

about other people's
opinions, so..

That's cool, Max.

'Cause I never worry about
what other people think.

What? You base your whole
life upon what other people think.

Unh‐unh. Unh‐unh. Not true.

I base it on what
other people say.

There's a big difference.

Well, people should
form their own opinions

and not care what
anybody else thinks.

Don't you think so, Khadijah?

‐ Well, I gotta go.
‐ You just got here.

I know, but they close
that dorm up at 1:30.

It's hell climbing that
fire escape in heels, girl.

Girl, you're gonna
wear yourself out.

Or die tryin'. Work it!

'Hey, Kyle, what
are you doing man?'

'Hey, man, I lost
one of my contacts.'

'Do not step there.'

'Don't step there either.'

'Man, look, don't put
your foot down, alright?'

‐ 'Where can I
put it?' ‐ 'Nowhere.'

'Hey, Overton, how
did you do that?'

'Well, I guess I can put
my foot down now, huh?'