Living Single (1993–1998): Season 1, Episode 12 - Crappy Birthday - full transcript
There you go. Window's fine now.
Just a little bit of dust.
You know, I read
somewhere that 75% of all dust
is made up of dead
human skin cells.
Oh, Overton, you're so smart.
Well.
So how do you like
Khadijah's birthday cake?
It's the best one
I've ever made.
All it needs is candles.
Mmm, candles on a birthday cake.
That's one tradition
I could do without.
I mean, what other time
do you ask a person to blow
their breath all over the
food you're about to eat?
And what if a person
had a bacteria?
Then I guess
everybody at the party
gets a little birthday
present, huh?
I know a better way to do this.
♪ Check check check it out
check check check it out ♪
♪ What you want?
No free position ♪
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Yes we're living
the single life yeah ♪
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ Ooh and in a
'90s kind of world ♪
♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪
♪ Keep your head up what? ♪
♪ Keep your head
up that's right ♪
♪ Whenever this life get
tough you gotta fight ♪
♪ With my home girls standing
to my left and my right ♪
♪ True blue it's
tight like glue ♪
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Check check check it out ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ And in a '90s kind of world ♪
♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪
♪ Haaaa ♪
So did y'all do anythin'
for Khadijah's
birthday at the office?
Yeah, we got her a stripper.
But she didn't seem
to enjoy it very much.
'Cause it's a reminder of
what she hasn't had in a while.
Alright, y'all,
everything's ready
for Khadijah's birthday
trip to Atlantic City.
I got the car all gassed up.
I survived the ATM. Thank you.
And there are some dice
calling my name, Max, Max.
I still don't think she's
gonna go for this.
She hates to
celebrate her birthday.
Last year, we couldn't even
get her out of the apartment.
That's because last year,
we gave her a choice.
This year, we're gonna
force her to have fun.
We're going to kidnap her.
I'll go get the sack and rope.
The blindfold will do
just fine. Thank you.
Girl, I'm sorry.
I'm just so excited.
We're going to Atlantic City.
We're gonna walk
along the boardwalk.
Breathe the air Miss
America breathes.
And gamble till we drop.
Come on, Regine, let's go.
She's coming any minute.
Rush, rush, rush.
That's what's wrong
with America today.
If you don't wanna
come, that's fine.
Oh, no, girl, I'm comin'.
'Cause you promised me
that you would teach
me your blackjack system.
And I want to win me some money.
And celebrate
Khadijah's birthday.
Yeah, whatever.
‐ Hi. ‐ Hi.
Oh, see, man, I told
you she's not that mad.
Come on in here.
Oh, sorry about what
happened earlier.
I brought a new cake
for Khadijah's birthday
and I got stain
remover for your blouse.
You think that's gonna work?
Well, it says it takes out
grease, wine and blood.
Hell, I don't think frosting's
gonna be a problem.
I don't know, man.
I had one of my best
shirts ruined by frosting.
Yeah, I was at this
bachelor party, right?
And there was this big
cake and all of a sudden
this voluminously
large‐breasted woman pops out.
Bam!
No, no, no. Bam,
bing, bing, bam!
Yeah!
And she started to gyrate, man
and icing's flying all
over like sleets in..
This really isn't
a girl story, is it?
Well, you got my attention.
Could you guys, please, leave?
We're trying to
surprise Khadijah.
Oh, really?
We're taking her out
of town for her birthday.
Yeah, so would you guys
mind watering the plants?
Oh, and turn the lights on,
so the roaches don't move in.
It's too late.
Ooh, but we'll do the
best we can, okay?
So where're y'all goin' anyway?
Atlantic City.
Oh, I hear Engelbert Humperdinck
is gigging at the Trump Plaza.
Yes?
Oh, Khadijah's coming. Quick!
Okay. Oh, okay, got it. Quick.
'Is everybody ready
to yell surprise?'
Ready. Come on in.
Shh.
Surprise!
Happy birthday, girl.
Alright, where's the
cake, the cold duck
and the flabby exotic dancer?
Not this year, my
birthday‐hating friend.
We've got something
else in mind.
Road trip.
Oh, man, not for me.
Look, look, I‐I'm celebrating
my birthday right here.
Just sit at home,
chill, watch TV.
You know, happy birthday to me.
But you have to celebrate.
Synclaire, there's only
three birthdays that matter.
When you're 16, you're sweet.
When you're 21, you're legal.
When you're 65, you get
to eat at Denny's half price.
Now in between, you just chill.
Unh‐unh, no, Khadijah, you
will not spend the next 364 days
complaining that we didn't
do anything for your birthday.
‐ No, I am not the one.
‐ Come on, man, look‐‐.
Oh, stop with your
whining already.
‐ What are you doing? ‐
You're gonna go if it kills.
Are you going to kill me?
Wait, hold up. I didn't
even pack a bag yet.
Don't you worry. I
packed one for you.
I'm not even going to ask what
that was in your sock drawer.
Come on. Let's go, group.
Let's just listen to the radio.
Don't touch that dial.
I don't listen to music
while I'm driving.
Well, then why have a radio?
There are those occasions
when I do listen to music in the car.
But not while I'm driving.
Somebody better look
up at the roof for footprints.
Max, does you car
always ride this bumpy?
That's all your designer
luggage at the back.
My luggage isn't that heavy.
Well, something's
weighing this car down.
Y'all better not
be looking at me.
Man, you crazy.
‐ Hey, what are you
doing? ‐ I'm hungry.
Hey, we're just supposed
to be watering the plants.
Lettuce is a plant.
And it'll go, oh, so
nice with this pastrami
and this rye bread.
Man, don't eat their food.
We gave the ladies our word.
And my daddy always said
a man who doesn't keep
his word is probably a lair.
Well, not everything
my dad said was a gem.
So is there a TV
in this kitchen?
‐ No. ‐ Mmm, pity.
That means we'll just
have to watch the big one
in the living room.
I'm not sure you understand
this whole plant‐watering thing.
Man, would you
look at this place?
Isn't it amazing the way women
keep their apartment so neat
just for themselves?
Hey, you're not really
gonna watch TV, are you?
Overton, they won't
even know we're here.
Unless I spill a big glass
of red Kool‐Aid right there.
Oh, my God.
Don't panic, just get
some paper towels
and we'll turn the cushion over.
Alright, cool, man.
Oh, my God!
You okay? Do you
want me to drive?
No, I'm fine. Why?
Oh, I don't know.
The sparks off the guardrail
were a little distracting.
Eh, eh, can I
take this thing off?
I'm about to lose it, yo.
Khadijah, it's not the
blindfold that's making you sick.
‐ It's Max's driving. ‐ Yeah?
‐ 'Yeah.' ‐ Well,
why don't you drive?
‐ Max, you're
crazy‐‐ ‐ No hands.
I don't believe you,
you crazy, dizzy...
Didn't think so.
Alright, that's it. I'm
taking this thing off.
No, no, no, no, you're
gonna ruin the surprise.
How about I surprise all
y'all and hurl right here?
Oh, don't do that.
You know what, Khadijah?
This kind of reminds
me of when we were little
and they'd take a busload
of us inner‐city kids
out for a trip into the country
to show us what farm
life was really like.
We would feed pigs and,
and ride horses and milk cows.
Stank like hell.
When I was little, my family
used to take long car trips
to our cabin in Wisconsin.
Oh, and all I can remember is
my parents getting mad at me
'cause I had to go to the
bathroom every 20 minutes.
It got to the point where I
was scared to say anything.
You have to go now, don't you?
Yeah.
Well, you're just gonna have
to put nature's call on hold.
We're almost there.
That's what my
mother used to say.
Until that unfortunate
incident in the back seat
of our new Cutler Supreme.
Get out. There's a
ditch right over there.
I'll only be a minute.
Hey, hey, hey.
You guys wanna have
a little fun with Synclaire?
What do you have in mind?
Pull up your drawers, sweetie.
Ta‐da!
Atlantic City.
Happy birthday, girl.
My birthday and Max's
favorite place, huh?
It is, isn't it?
Max, this was supposed
to be a junior suite.
Oh, look whose getting
picky about where she sleeps.
So you feeling any better?
I just need to lie
still for a while.
Much better. Oh, yeah.
Khadijah, you're my dear friend
and it's your birthday
and you're sick
and I know it's wrong for
me to feel this way, but‐‐
‐ Max, go gamble. ‐ Thank you.
What are you doin'?
I'm putting on my makeup.
Why else do you think
there's a mirror up here?
To watch yourself
sleep? Think, think.
Uh, miss girl, are you
coming downstairs?
'Cause I only got
a couple of hours
before this hair goes flat.
I'll meet you down there.
You're gonna miss all the fun.
Look, Synclaire, play this 20.
If you win a million bucks,
you can keep the 20.
I'm just gonna call home
and check for messages.
Man, you did a good job of
gluing that lamp back together.
Damn straight, I broke that
naked figurine in your room
and you hadn't even noticed.
Now there's a faux pas.
Girls' residence.
What are you doing there?
Uh, just a little
routine security check.
At 11 o'clock at night?
Uh, that's 2300 hours
to us security guys.
Well, better keep this
line clear. Goodbye.
Look, man, let's just
get out of here, alright?
'Alright.'
Yeah, but I think the
lamp was a little bit more
to the right.
Oh, Kyle, uh, I seem to have
glued the lamp to the table.
All you need is
a little leverage.
Let me get in there.
You know, on second
thought, it looked good
right where it was.
Let's go.
Uh, Kyle, I seem to have
glued the phone to the phone.
‐ Hit me. ‐ Ma'am, you have 25.
No, I mean, hit me right here.
Max, you're a fine
teacher. We're broke.
‐ I was so close. ‐ Oh, yeah.
Hey, Max, you were right.
This place is so exciting.
Some woman over there
just won $12,000 in 10 minutes
all without ever taking the
cigarette out of her mouth.
Whoo!
Who cares?
You guys lost all of
your money, didn't you?
Uh‐huh. Thanks to Professor Max.
The amazing gambling wizard.
Well, we might as well go
check on the birthday girl.
Oh, I forgot to
play Khadijah's $20.
Red 23.
‐ Max, what are you
doing? ‐ Don't worry.
‐ I have a system, shh. ‐
Kiss that money goodbye.
Red 23!
I knew she could do it!
I knew she could do it!
‐ Yes! ‐ How much did we win?
‐ Seven hundred
dollars. Yes! ‐ Woohoo!
This ought to cheer Khadijah up.
Who?
Max, you placed that
bet with Khadijah's money.
Okay, let's stop and
think for a second.
Alright?
Alright.
Uh, $700 is a good
birthday present for Khadijah
but not good enough.
Let's double it.
‐ No! ‐ Come on,
we can't walk away.
I'm hot, I'm hot. Feel
me, feel me! Come on.
Regine, help me out here.
Give her the freakin' chips.
Oh, okay, here comes Khadijah.
She'll know what to do.
Yeah, she'll want to
do something stupid
like stop gambling
and keep the money.
Synclaire, go keep her busy.
I think we should tell her.
Synclaire, go keep her busy
and, and, and we'll take you to
see Boardwalk and Park Place.
‐ Okay. ‐ Okay.
What do you want
me to do with her?
Oh, you're Synclaire.
You'll think of something.
Now get out.
‐ Hi, Synclaire. ‐ Hi.
I'm back in action. Where
are Max and Regine?
Max and Regine, well,
they're, um, they're..
Oh! Flip Wilson!
Mr. Wilson! Mr. Wilson!
‐ How are you doing? ‐ Hi.
It's my cousin
Khadijah's birthday.
She's such a big fan of yours.
Oh, man, not a day
goes by in our apartment
we don't talk about
Flip Wilson, right?
Flip Wilson this
and Flip Wilson that.
‐ Yeah. ‐ Flip,
Flip, Flip, Flip, Flip.
Yeah, well, happy birthday
and you have a nice day, okay?
Thanks.
Flip!
‐ Can you do it for us? ‐ What?
"Here come the judge."
‐ Just once, please? ‐
I don't do that anymore.
Of course, he doesn't
do that anymore.
What about Geraldine?
In Atlantic City, honey?
Yes, yes, yes. I didn't
wanna come to Atlantic City.
But the devil made me do it.
And I'm not going to
fight the feeling, honey.
Alright, Synclaire, you're
trying to hide somethin'.
Now what are Max
and Regine up to?
Oh, look, Ed McMahon! Come on!
Alright, this is finished.
Let's get out of here.
Watchdog, bow‐wow.
Oh.
What is that?
That, my friend, is
the sound of water
overflowing from the
sink onto the kitchen floor.
‐ Oh, my God. ‐ Oh, my God.
Alright.
This is so much easier
than selling clothes
at a boutique for eight hours.
Why doesn't everybody do this?
‐ Party's over. ‐ Why?
Birthday girl's here.
Khadijah, where you been?
Yeah, we've been
looking all over for you.
Yeah, right. What's going on?
You know that 20 bucks
you gave Synclaire to bet?
Well, we turned it
into 700 uh, $900.
Whoo!
Yo, this more than makes
up for that whack‐ass car trip.
Nine hundred bucks.
So, girl, what you gonna
do with all that money?
Shoot, I'm going to take it
home and pay some bills.
Oh, come on, you're
gonna have a little fun with it.
‐ Aren't you? ‐ No.
Oh, come on, you're gonna
bet just a little of it, aren't you?
No.
Put the money on
the table, Khadijah.
Back in your corner.
Back in your corner.
Khadijah, try your
luck, girl, huh?
It's your birthday.
‐ It was lucky for us. ‐ Yeah.
Okay.
‐ New shooter. ‐ Right.
Now all you got to do‐‐.
Chillzee! I used to
do this all the time
in Sister Mary Linda's
third grade class.
Here it go! Work with me!
Seven, a winner.
Like I said back up.
Alright, here it come.
Come on now! Oh! Work with me!
11, a winner.
Give her room. Give her room.
Would you like a drink?
I don't have no
money to waste on that.
Khadijah, as long as you're
playing, the drinks are free.
I'll have a woo woo,
that's peach schnapps
cranberry juice and
vodka on the rocks, thanks.
'Seven, the lady wins again!'
Go, Khadijah. Go, Khadijah.
Go, Khadijah. Go, Khadijah.
Cool out. Flip.
Thanks, money.
Here it come! Work with me!
Seven again!
Yes!
Happy birthday to me.
Khadijah, you have just
broke the house record.
I'm so glad I'm
your best friend.
‐ Me too. ‐ Me too.
Me too!
‐ Khadijah James. ‐ Ed McMahon!
This is your lucky day.
I'm here to inform
you you've just won
the American Family
Publishers sweepstakes
grand prize one million dollars!
Oh, man!
This is the most
amazing day of my life.
Yeah, it's too bad
it's all a dream.
Oh, Miss Let It Ride is up.
‐ Where are we? ‐
We're almost home.
Man, I had this dream.
I won a whole bunch of money
and, uh, Flip Wilson
was blowing on my dice.
Well, it went a little
differently in real life.
After the fourth free drink
you started to get a
little loose with the chips.
It turns out that
when you get drunk
and lose a lot of
money, you get loud.
Very, very.
Oh, man, this is the
worst day of my life.
I'm never going
back to that place.
Oh, I don't think you're
gonna have that problem.
We were thrown out.
What?
Oh, man, I can't believe this.
That dream seemed so real.
I did meet Flip
Wilson though, didn't I?
They're home,
Kyle! They're home!
Well, that's enough
for you, Mr. Ficus.
Oh, you're home early.
‐ Hey, guys. ‐ 'Hey.'
Thanks for looking
after the apartment.
No problem, Khadijah.
Everything is A‐okay.
Just the way you left it.
Yeah, we even mopped
the kitchen floor for you.
Now that's a birthday
present I can appreciate.
So what did the girls get you?
Carsick, broke and hungover.
But out of your usual rut.
Check this out,
the next time I say
I don't wanna
celebrate my birthday
I don't wanna
celebrate my birthday.
Khadijah, we're sorry.
Oh, no need
'cause y'all got
birthdays comin'
and Khadijah never forgets.
I'm going to bed.
And I do not and I mean, I
do not wanna be disturbed.
Matter of fact, I'm taking this
daggone phone off the hook.
Goodnight.
Happy birthday, Khadijah.
'Come on, Flip, just
do it once for me.'
'I told you, Ed, I
don't do that anymore.'
'Flip, I'm not exactly
some schmo off the street.'
'We go back a long
way, Flip. Come on, do it.'
'I'll tell you what, I'll do
mine if you do yours.'
'Alright, it's a
deal. You go first.'
'Okay.'
‐ 'Go ahead.' ‐ 'Here
comes the judge.'
'Here comes the judge.
Here comes the judge.'
'Ooh! I love it!
That's right, I love it!'
'Boy, it sounds better
now than it ever did.'
‐ 'Yeah?' ‐ 'Boy, I got to go.'
‐ 'Hey, hey, wait,
wait.' ‐ 'What?'
‐ 'You promised.' ‐ 'What?'
'Do yours.'
'Oh, yeah, oh, okay. You ready?'
‐ 'Yeah.' ‐ 'Hi‐yo!'
'Yeah, that's it!
Just a little bit of dust.
You know, I read
somewhere that 75% of all dust
is made up of dead
human skin cells.
Oh, Overton, you're so smart.
Well.
So how do you like
Khadijah's birthday cake?
It's the best one
I've ever made.
All it needs is candles.
Mmm, candles on a birthday cake.
That's one tradition
I could do without.
I mean, what other time
do you ask a person to blow
their breath all over the
food you're about to eat?
And what if a person
had a bacteria?
Then I guess
everybody at the party
gets a little birthday
present, huh?
I know a better way to do this.
♪ Check check check it out
check check check it out ♪
♪ What you want?
No free position ♪
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Yes we're living
the single life yeah ♪
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ Ooh and in a
'90s kind of world ♪
♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪
♪ Keep your head up what? ♪
♪ Keep your head
up that's right ♪
♪ Whenever this life get
tough you gotta fight ♪
♪ With my home girls standing
to my left and my right ♪
♪ True blue it's
tight like glue ♪
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Check check check it out ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ And in a '90s kind of world ♪
♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪
♪ Haaaa ♪
So did y'all do anythin'
for Khadijah's
birthday at the office?
Yeah, we got her a stripper.
But she didn't seem
to enjoy it very much.
'Cause it's a reminder of
what she hasn't had in a while.
Alright, y'all,
everything's ready
for Khadijah's birthday
trip to Atlantic City.
I got the car all gassed up.
I survived the ATM. Thank you.
And there are some dice
calling my name, Max, Max.
I still don't think she's
gonna go for this.
She hates to
celebrate her birthday.
Last year, we couldn't even
get her out of the apartment.
That's because last year,
we gave her a choice.
This year, we're gonna
force her to have fun.
We're going to kidnap her.
I'll go get the sack and rope.
The blindfold will do
just fine. Thank you.
Girl, I'm sorry.
I'm just so excited.
We're going to Atlantic City.
We're gonna walk
along the boardwalk.
Breathe the air Miss
America breathes.
And gamble till we drop.
Come on, Regine, let's go.
She's coming any minute.
Rush, rush, rush.
That's what's wrong
with America today.
If you don't wanna
come, that's fine.
Oh, no, girl, I'm comin'.
'Cause you promised me
that you would teach
me your blackjack system.
And I want to win me some money.
And celebrate
Khadijah's birthday.
Yeah, whatever.
‐ Hi. ‐ Hi.
Oh, see, man, I told
you she's not that mad.
Come on in here.
Oh, sorry about what
happened earlier.
I brought a new cake
for Khadijah's birthday
and I got stain
remover for your blouse.
You think that's gonna work?
Well, it says it takes out
grease, wine and blood.
Hell, I don't think frosting's
gonna be a problem.
I don't know, man.
I had one of my best
shirts ruined by frosting.
Yeah, I was at this
bachelor party, right?
And there was this big
cake and all of a sudden
this voluminously
large‐breasted woman pops out.
Bam!
No, no, no. Bam,
bing, bing, bam!
Yeah!
And she started to gyrate, man
and icing's flying all
over like sleets in..
This really isn't
a girl story, is it?
Well, you got my attention.
Could you guys, please, leave?
We're trying to
surprise Khadijah.
Oh, really?
We're taking her out
of town for her birthday.
Yeah, so would you guys
mind watering the plants?
Oh, and turn the lights on,
so the roaches don't move in.
It's too late.
Ooh, but we'll do the
best we can, okay?
So where're y'all goin' anyway?
Atlantic City.
Oh, I hear Engelbert Humperdinck
is gigging at the Trump Plaza.
Yes?
Oh, Khadijah's coming. Quick!
Okay. Oh, okay, got it. Quick.
'Is everybody ready
to yell surprise?'
Ready. Come on in.
Shh.
Surprise!
Happy birthday, girl.
Alright, where's the
cake, the cold duck
and the flabby exotic dancer?
Not this year, my
birthday‐hating friend.
We've got something
else in mind.
Road trip.
Oh, man, not for me.
Look, look, I‐I'm celebrating
my birthday right here.
Just sit at home,
chill, watch TV.
You know, happy birthday to me.
But you have to celebrate.
Synclaire, there's only
three birthdays that matter.
When you're 16, you're sweet.
When you're 21, you're legal.
When you're 65, you get
to eat at Denny's half price.
Now in between, you just chill.
Unh‐unh, no, Khadijah, you
will not spend the next 364 days
complaining that we didn't
do anything for your birthday.
‐ No, I am not the one.
‐ Come on, man, look‐‐.
Oh, stop with your
whining already.
‐ What are you doing? ‐
You're gonna go if it kills.
Are you going to kill me?
Wait, hold up. I didn't
even pack a bag yet.
Don't you worry. I
packed one for you.
I'm not even going to ask what
that was in your sock drawer.
Come on. Let's go, group.
Let's just listen to the radio.
Don't touch that dial.
I don't listen to music
while I'm driving.
Well, then why have a radio?
There are those occasions
when I do listen to music in the car.
But not while I'm driving.
Somebody better look
up at the roof for footprints.
Max, does you car
always ride this bumpy?
That's all your designer
luggage at the back.
My luggage isn't that heavy.
Well, something's
weighing this car down.
Y'all better not
be looking at me.
Man, you crazy.
‐ Hey, what are you
doing? ‐ I'm hungry.
Hey, we're just supposed
to be watering the plants.
Lettuce is a plant.
And it'll go, oh, so
nice with this pastrami
and this rye bread.
Man, don't eat their food.
We gave the ladies our word.
And my daddy always said
a man who doesn't keep
his word is probably a lair.
Well, not everything
my dad said was a gem.
So is there a TV
in this kitchen?
‐ No. ‐ Mmm, pity.
That means we'll just
have to watch the big one
in the living room.
I'm not sure you understand
this whole plant‐watering thing.
Man, would you
look at this place?
Isn't it amazing the way women
keep their apartment so neat
just for themselves?
Hey, you're not really
gonna watch TV, are you?
Overton, they won't
even know we're here.
Unless I spill a big glass
of red Kool‐Aid right there.
Oh, my God.
Don't panic, just get
some paper towels
and we'll turn the cushion over.
Alright, cool, man.
Oh, my God!
You okay? Do you
want me to drive?
No, I'm fine. Why?
Oh, I don't know.
The sparks off the guardrail
were a little distracting.
Eh, eh, can I
take this thing off?
I'm about to lose it, yo.
Khadijah, it's not the
blindfold that's making you sick.
‐ It's Max's driving. ‐ Yeah?
‐ 'Yeah.' ‐ Well,
why don't you drive?
‐ Max, you're
crazy‐‐ ‐ No hands.
I don't believe you,
you crazy, dizzy...
Didn't think so.
Alright, that's it. I'm
taking this thing off.
No, no, no, no, you're
gonna ruin the surprise.
How about I surprise all
y'all and hurl right here?
Oh, don't do that.
You know what, Khadijah?
This kind of reminds
me of when we were little
and they'd take a busload
of us inner‐city kids
out for a trip into the country
to show us what farm
life was really like.
We would feed pigs and,
and ride horses and milk cows.
Stank like hell.
When I was little, my family
used to take long car trips
to our cabin in Wisconsin.
Oh, and all I can remember is
my parents getting mad at me
'cause I had to go to the
bathroom every 20 minutes.
It got to the point where I
was scared to say anything.
You have to go now, don't you?
Yeah.
Well, you're just gonna have
to put nature's call on hold.
We're almost there.
That's what my
mother used to say.
Until that unfortunate
incident in the back seat
of our new Cutler Supreme.
Get out. There's a
ditch right over there.
I'll only be a minute.
Hey, hey, hey.
You guys wanna have
a little fun with Synclaire?
What do you have in mind?
Pull up your drawers, sweetie.
Ta‐da!
Atlantic City.
Happy birthday, girl.
My birthday and Max's
favorite place, huh?
It is, isn't it?
Max, this was supposed
to be a junior suite.
Oh, look whose getting
picky about where she sleeps.
So you feeling any better?
I just need to lie
still for a while.
Much better. Oh, yeah.
Khadijah, you're my dear friend
and it's your birthday
and you're sick
and I know it's wrong for
me to feel this way, but‐‐
‐ Max, go gamble. ‐ Thank you.
What are you doin'?
I'm putting on my makeup.
Why else do you think
there's a mirror up here?
To watch yourself
sleep? Think, think.
Uh, miss girl, are you
coming downstairs?
'Cause I only got
a couple of hours
before this hair goes flat.
I'll meet you down there.
You're gonna miss all the fun.
Look, Synclaire, play this 20.
If you win a million bucks,
you can keep the 20.
I'm just gonna call home
and check for messages.
Man, you did a good job of
gluing that lamp back together.
Damn straight, I broke that
naked figurine in your room
and you hadn't even noticed.
Now there's a faux pas.
Girls' residence.
What are you doing there?
Uh, just a little
routine security check.
At 11 o'clock at night?
Uh, that's 2300 hours
to us security guys.
Well, better keep this
line clear. Goodbye.
Look, man, let's just
get out of here, alright?
'Alright.'
Yeah, but I think the
lamp was a little bit more
to the right.
Oh, Kyle, uh, I seem to have
glued the lamp to the table.
All you need is
a little leverage.
Let me get in there.
You know, on second
thought, it looked good
right where it was.
Let's go.
Uh, Kyle, I seem to have
glued the phone to the phone.
‐ Hit me. ‐ Ma'am, you have 25.
No, I mean, hit me right here.
Max, you're a fine
teacher. We're broke.
‐ I was so close. ‐ Oh, yeah.
Hey, Max, you were right.
This place is so exciting.
Some woman over there
just won $12,000 in 10 minutes
all without ever taking the
cigarette out of her mouth.
Whoo!
Who cares?
You guys lost all of
your money, didn't you?
Uh‐huh. Thanks to Professor Max.
The amazing gambling wizard.
Well, we might as well go
check on the birthday girl.
Oh, I forgot to
play Khadijah's $20.
Red 23.
‐ Max, what are you
doing? ‐ Don't worry.
‐ I have a system, shh. ‐
Kiss that money goodbye.
Red 23!
I knew she could do it!
I knew she could do it!
‐ Yes! ‐ How much did we win?
‐ Seven hundred
dollars. Yes! ‐ Woohoo!
This ought to cheer Khadijah up.
Who?
Max, you placed that
bet with Khadijah's money.
Okay, let's stop and
think for a second.
Alright?
Alright.
Uh, $700 is a good
birthday present for Khadijah
but not good enough.
Let's double it.
‐ No! ‐ Come on,
we can't walk away.
I'm hot, I'm hot. Feel
me, feel me! Come on.
Regine, help me out here.
Give her the freakin' chips.
Oh, okay, here comes Khadijah.
She'll know what to do.
Yeah, she'll want to
do something stupid
like stop gambling
and keep the money.
Synclaire, go keep her busy.
I think we should tell her.
Synclaire, go keep her busy
and, and, and we'll take you to
see Boardwalk and Park Place.
‐ Okay. ‐ Okay.
What do you want
me to do with her?
Oh, you're Synclaire.
You'll think of something.
Now get out.
‐ Hi, Synclaire. ‐ Hi.
I'm back in action. Where
are Max and Regine?
Max and Regine, well,
they're, um, they're..
Oh! Flip Wilson!
Mr. Wilson! Mr. Wilson!
‐ How are you doing? ‐ Hi.
It's my cousin
Khadijah's birthday.
She's such a big fan of yours.
Oh, man, not a day
goes by in our apartment
we don't talk about
Flip Wilson, right?
Flip Wilson this
and Flip Wilson that.
‐ Yeah. ‐ Flip,
Flip, Flip, Flip, Flip.
Yeah, well, happy birthday
and you have a nice day, okay?
Thanks.
Flip!
‐ Can you do it for us? ‐ What?
"Here come the judge."
‐ Just once, please? ‐
I don't do that anymore.
Of course, he doesn't
do that anymore.
What about Geraldine?
In Atlantic City, honey?
Yes, yes, yes. I didn't
wanna come to Atlantic City.
But the devil made me do it.
And I'm not going to
fight the feeling, honey.
Alright, Synclaire, you're
trying to hide somethin'.
Now what are Max
and Regine up to?
Oh, look, Ed McMahon! Come on!
Alright, this is finished.
Let's get out of here.
Watchdog, bow‐wow.
Oh.
What is that?
That, my friend, is
the sound of water
overflowing from the
sink onto the kitchen floor.
‐ Oh, my God. ‐ Oh, my God.
Alright.
This is so much easier
than selling clothes
at a boutique for eight hours.
Why doesn't everybody do this?
‐ Party's over. ‐ Why?
Birthday girl's here.
Khadijah, where you been?
Yeah, we've been
looking all over for you.
Yeah, right. What's going on?
You know that 20 bucks
you gave Synclaire to bet?
Well, we turned it
into 700 uh, $900.
Whoo!
Yo, this more than makes
up for that whack‐ass car trip.
Nine hundred bucks.
So, girl, what you gonna
do with all that money?
Shoot, I'm going to take it
home and pay some bills.
Oh, come on, you're
gonna have a little fun with it.
‐ Aren't you? ‐ No.
Oh, come on, you're gonna
bet just a little of it, aren't you?
No.
Put the money on
the table, Khadijah.
Back in your corner.
Back in your corner.
Khadijah, try your
luck, girl, huh?
It's your birthday.
‐ It was lucky for us. ‐ Yeah.
Okay.
‐ New shooter. ‐ Right.
Now all you got to do‐‐.
Chillzee! I used to
do this all the time
in Sister Mary Linda's
third grade class.
Here it go! Work with me!
Seven, a winner.
Like I said back up.
Alright, here it come.
Come on now! Oh! Work with me!
11, a winner.
Give her room. Give her room.
Would you like a drink?
I don't have no
money to waste on that.
Khadijah, as long as you're
playing, the drinks are free.
I'll have a woo woo,
that's peach schnapps
cranberry juice and
vodka on the rocks, thanks.
'Seven, the lady wins again!'
Go, Khadijah. Go, Khadijah.
Go, Khadijah. Go, Khadijah.
Cool out. Flip.
Thanks, money.
Here it come! Work with me!
Seven again!
Yes!
Happy birthday to me.
Khadijah, you have just
broke the house record.
I'm so glad I'm
your best friend.
‐ Me too. ‐ Me too.
Me too!
‐ Khadijah James. ‐ Ed McMahon!
This is your lucky day.
I'm here to inform
you you've just won
the American Family
Publishers sweepstakes
grand prize one million dollars!
Oh, man!
This is the most
amazing day of my life.
Yeah, it's too bad
it's all a dream.
Oh, Miss Let It Ride is up.
‐ Where are we? ‐
We're almost home.
Man, I had this dream.
I won a whole bunch of money
and, uh, Flip Wilson
was blowing on my dice.
Well, it went a little
differently in real life.
After the fourth free drink
you started to get a
little loose with the chips.
It turns out that
when you get drunk
and lose a lot of
money, you get loud.
Very, very.
Oh, man, this is the
worst day of my life.
I'm never going
back to that place.
Oh, I don't think you're
gonna have that problem.
We were thrown out.
What?
Oh, man, I can't believe this.
That dream seemed so real.
I did meet Flip
Wilson though, didn't I?
They're home,
Kyle! They're home!
Well, that's enough
for you, Mr. Ficus.
Oh, you're home early.
‐ Hey, guys. ‐ 'Hey.'
Thanks for looking
after the apartment.
No problem, Khadijah.
Everything is A‐okay.
Just the way you left it.
Yeah, we even mopped
the kitchen floor for you.
Now that's a birthday
present I can appreciate.
So what did the girls get you?
Carsick, broke and hungover.
But out of your usual rut.
Check this out,
the next time I say
I don't wanna
celebrate my birthday
I don't wanna
celebrate my birthday.
Khadijah, we're sorry.
Oh, no need
'cause y'all got
birthdays comin'
and Khadijah never forgets.
I'm going to bed.
And I do not and I mean, I
do not wanna be disturbed.
Matter of fact, I'm taking this
daggone phone off the hook.
Goodnight.
Happy birthday, Khadijah.
'Come on, Flip, just
do it once for me.'
'I told you, Ed, I
don't do that anymore.'
'Flip, I'm not exactly
some schmo off the street.'
'We go back a long
way, Flip. Come on, do it.'
'I'll tell you what, I'll do
mine if you do yours.'
'Alright, it's a
deal. You go first.'
'Okay.'
‐ 'Go ahead.' ‐ 'Here
comes the judge.'
'Here comes the judge.
Here comes the judge.'
'Ooh! I love it!
That's right, I love it!'
'Boy, it sounds better
now than it ever did.'
‐ 'Yeah?' ‐ 'Boy, I got to go.'
‐ 'Hey, hey, wait,
wait.' ‐ 'What?'
‐ 'You promised.' ‐ 'What?'
'Do yours.'
'Oh, yeah, oh, okay. You ready?'
‐ 'Yeah.' ‐ 'Hi‐yo!'
'Yeah, that's it!