Living Single (1993–1998): Season 1, Episode 1 - Judging by the Cover - full transcript

♪ Check check check it out
check check check it out ♪

♪ What you want?
No free position ♪

♪ We are living ♪
♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Single ♪
♪ Hey ♪

♪ Yes we're living
the single life yeah ♪

♪ We are living ♪
♪ Hey ♪

♪ Single ♪

♪ Ooh and in a
'90s kind of world ♪

♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪

♪ Keep your head up what? ♪

♪ Keep your head
up that's right ♪



♪ Whenever this life get
tough you gotta fight ♪

♪ With my home girls standing
to my left and my right ♪

♪ True blue it's
tight like glue ♪

♪ We are living ♪
♪ Check check check it out ♪

♪ Single ♪

♪ And in a '90s kind of world ♪

♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪

♪ Haa ♪

Hello. "Flavor" magazine.

The freshest taste
in news and views.

How may I help you, love?

Synclaire, what are you doin'?

I'm making them think
we're international.

Make them think we
need some money.



A‐and keep in mind, this
is a Grassroots Publication.

Got it.

Yo, yo, yo! How
could I hook you up, G?

Hello, ladies.

I've got good news
and I couldn't wait

till you got home to
rub your noses in it.

Well, if it isn't
her royal heinie.

Look outside. What is
long, black and at the curb?

I ain't touchin' it.

Honey, it's a stretch limo.

Well, good, it'll go
with your stretch marks.

Is it me or do I sense
a little tension here?

Now, I know your Aries rising

is constantly conflicting
with her Taurus moon

but can't we all just get along?

Well, look, you all can
do whatever you like.

I just came by to tell
you that the limo outside

happens to belong to
my new boyfriend, Brad.

Well, if we didn't have
so much work to do here

we'd love to hear more
about your latest canine catch.

Oh, would you?

Well, Brad and I, we
were on our way to lunch

but we never made
it out of the limo.

He ate caviar from my cleavage

and we drank
champagne from my shoe.

Ah!

With them big old feet of yours

y'all must have
been crazy drunk.

I'm telling you, Brad,
now he could be the one.

He is fine, educated, wealthy

and has a butt that's
dented on the sides

with the promise of power.

Hoo!

Yeah! Whoo!

Well, we'll see how
long this one lasts.

Oh, wait a minute. What
is that supposed to mean?

Men dump you like
Eddie Murphy albums.

Look, Regine, if you wanna
have a lasting relationship

you need to start lookin'
beyond a man's wallet.

Wait a minute. Are you
saying that I am shallow?

As a kiddy pool.

"Flavor" magazine.

Oh, cool.

Oh, we're looking forward
to havin' her on the cover.

She can't? Why not?

Well, my secretary
was supposed to send..

'...the, um..'

Never mind.

Thank you. Bye.

Synclaire, that was Maya
Angelou's office on the phone.

Apparently, she
can't do my cover

because she didn't
receive the questions.

Yes, well, that sounds
like a personal problem.

I think I'll have Brad's limo

take me past the boutique,
so those losers I work with

can finally have a
reason to hate me.

Smooches.

I'm sorry. It's just
I've been really busy

working on my
cosmetology thesis.

Purple Lipstick, The
Black Woman's Enemy.

Look, look, Synclaire

I'm sure whatever school
you going to this week

is important to you

but you came to Brooklyn
to help me with my magazine.

Now I'm gonna get you
somebody else for that cover.

Don't get your
panties in a bunch.

No, no, no. You've done enough.

Now if I want this done right,
I'm gonna have to do it myself.

Oh, who can I
get with no notice?

Mike Tyson. I know where he is.

He's gonna be there for a while.

♪ We are living ♪
♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Single ♪
♪ Yeah ♪

Now you see, these little devils

can be very, very tricky to fix.

And what you
never ever want to do

is to touch this
wire right here.

You thought I was going
to touch it, didn't you?

Just a little handyman humor.

I fall for that every time.

You've probably
worked up quite a thirst.

Why don't I get us a beverage?

Sookie, sookie, now. Oh!

Kyle!

I should have known
I'd find you here.

Look, I thought you
were gonna fix the TV

before the game starts.

I'm tryin' to fix
things right here.

Man, you still tryin'
to get with Synclaire?

Man, I'm weavin' a
delicate web of trust

and it's startin' to work too.

Now today, she let
me fix the vacuum

but I figure once I get up
under that sink, I'm in there.

My brother, this ain't
"Home Improvement."

Take notes, dealing with a woman

is like playing a
basketball game.

And brothers like you
dribble around the perimeter

fixin' vacuum cleaners.

While a man like me..

Drives straight up
the middle and slams.

Refreshments?

Yeah, but you remember
that time that girl called

that three‐second
violation on your ass.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Look. I thought we took a
solemn vow not to talk about that.

Man, it only happened
once. It was a mental block.

It could happen to anybody.

Well, it never happened to me.

'Cause you never get any.

Well, that's true, but
when I do get some

you better believe I ain't
havin' no damn mental block.

Nah.

You will if I take that hammer

and knock you
upside the head with.

Don't be touchin' my tools, man.

Uh, sit down. It's
just a hammer.

Just a hammer?

Just a hammer?
Brother, this is a heirloom.

Passed down from my
great, great granddaddy

who passed it down
to my daddy's daddy

who passed it on to the
guy I thought was my daddy..

Who passed it on to me.

Yes, well, did you tell him

it was for the cover
of "Flavor" magazine?

Well, did you tell him I
watched every episode

of "You Bet Your Life?"

Hello? Hello?

Damn. I should've
told him I ate Jell‐O.

Khadijah, why are
you still calling people?

Didn't you take that
great lead I gave you?

Yeah. Turns out Nipsey
Russell's doin' dinner theater.

Oh, man, I heard he
got the lead in "Gypsy."

Damn, that man can act.

Alright, which one of you lucky
people is going to zip me up?

Not me, baby. You know
unzipping is my forte.

Alright, everyone, that's him.

So come on, come on,
everyone, look happy.

Khadijah, do your best.

Oh, it's just you. Don't
you ever go home?

Good to see you, too,
girl. Where you going?

Carnival? Ha!

Max, my ace.
What's up, baby girl?

Today, my look and
my law were fierce.

I got my client the house,
the Winnebago, alimony

and 70% of all the
assets he tried to conceal.

I left that man with
nothing but a lint ball

and half a Tic Tac. Ha!

Don't touch me unless
you want to get burned!

Work, Miss Honey! Get
the fever! You go, girl.

You give it to 'em.

I feel sorry for the brother.

Kyle, these people
own a Winnebago.

You should know
they ain't black.

Look, you women will
take the nuts from a squirrel.

We're out of here.
Come on, man, let's go.

Well, someone's gotta
protect women's rights.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know,
all this women's right stuff

just proves one thing.

‐ What? ‐ You want me.

Yeah, and me too.

Ow!

That Overton is so sweet.

Synclaire, cuz, listen to me.

You must never, ever, ever
conceive a child with that man.

It's him! It's him!

Ladies, on the other
side of that door

stands Michelangelo's
David, aka my Brad.

Uh, and on this side of the door

stands a woman
who could give a..

Damn, he fine.

Oh, and good technique.

And big feet.

Regine, aren't you
gonna introduce us?

Brad, girlfriends.

Girlfriends, Brad. Night‐night.

Uh, Brad Hamilton,
pleasure to meet you.

Oh, how do you do?

So, Brad. Hi. I'm Khadijah.

So do you rent or own?

I am renovatin' a townhouse.

Where'd you go to school?

The Cordon Bleu in France.

Ah, you're a chef. Would
you like some cheese?

No, thanks.

S‐so tell me, Brad, do
you have a steady job?

I own a supper
club up in Harlem.

‐ 'Oh.' ‐ The Blue Bayou.

And I hear you've started
your own magazine.

Yeah. It's sort of an urban
everything you need to know

from a woman's point of view.

Yes, well, we'd love to stay

but boring conversation
isn't on our schedule.

Ciao.

Uh, bonsoir.

Ooh, merci.

Well, she actually did
alright for herself this time.

Mm‐hmm. Brother got it goin' on.

I don't know. He's no Overton.

♪ What you want girlfriend
'cause it's your world haa ♪

Hi. I'd like to take out a
full‐page ad for my restaurant.

I can handle that for you.

Okay, well, here's
our logo and a check.

Okay. "Blue Bayou. Tianna
Graham and Brad Hamilton."

‐ Oh, I know Brad. ‐ Oh, really?

How do you know my husband?

How do I know your h‐husband?

Uh, how do I know your husband?

Mm‐hmm.

Did I say I knew your
husband? My mind. Go figure.

Anyhoo, uh, thank you very much.

Uh, I have to go to
the rest room. Bye‐bye.

Psst!

♪ Aah ♪

Girl, I can't believe
Brad is married.

You'd think after
God created dogs.

She'd know creating
men was redundant.

Regine's gonna be devastated.
She sincerely loved him.

Well, it was bound to happen.

Eventually, we all get
crushed by the male libido.

I was in love once.

Max, please. Don't
tell the story again.

Then when my career
got on track and his didn't

he just up and left.

Just packed his little,
raggedy duffel bag and left.

But I ain't bitter.

So who's gonna break
this tragic news to Regine?

‐ I ain't the one.
‐ Don't look at me.

Oh, so I'm the one,
huh? I mean, come on.

She'll probably
appreciate us telling her.

Wrong. She gonna resent
us for knowin' about it first.

Tell us we're makin' it
up 'cause we're jealous.

Or accuse us of
tryin' to steal Brad.

I say she finds out on her own.

‐ Okay‐‐ ‐ Not another word‐‐.

Great news, ladies.

Brad is picking me up.

We're going to Martha's
Vineyard for the weekend.

He wants to get
away from the city.

That's not all he
wants to get away from.

I'm filing this man under F

for fine, fabulous
and my future.

Hmm. Somethin' tells
me he might like a wife.

Y‐you know your man.

Say, you two should start
looking for a new roommate.

R‐Regine, hold up, yo. There's
something we gotta tell you.

And trust us, we're not
saying this to hurt you.

Really, I can't stand to
see a sister go out like this.

Well, how do I
put this delicately?

Brad is married!

What?

What are you talkin' about?

No, he's not. I mean, he
doesn't wear a wedding ring.

Now she's got a point there.

And if he's married,
why didn't he tell me?

'Cause he's married, girl.

Regine, I'll bet he always
pays cash at restaurants

so he can't be tracked
down by the receipts.

‐ 'Mm‐hmm.' ‐ Only
because he hates credit.

And does he whisper on the
phone when you're in the room?

He's a very private person.

And does he always have
some ridiculous excuse

as to why you can't
call him at home?

No, no, his, his grandfather's
hearin' aid is broken.

It, it bothers him when
the phone rings. What?

Look, Regine, listen to me.

Look, listen.

As much as I love to be right

and you know mother
does love to be right

I'm telling you, I wish
I was wrong this time.

Girl, the man is married.

Girlfriend, he took us all.

Go ahead, Regine. Let it out.

Cry.

If you don't, your tear
ducts will get blocked up

and then when you get
old, you won't be able to cry.

Just when we thought it
was safe to let you back

into the conversation.

So he's been lyin'
to my face, huh?

Rubbin' up against
me, talking about.

"Oh, baby, my baby."

Who does he think he is?

There's Mr. Bigamy now.

‐ It's showtime! ‐ It's on.

‐ Hi, baby‐‐ ‐ I am
not your baby tonight.

You have a wife.

But, Reggie..

Right now, he talkin' about,
I was gonna tell you, baby.

I was gonna tell you, baby.

He'll also try, I was just
looking for the right time.

I was just looking
for the right time.

How do you know
everything he's gonna say?

He's a man. They
never vary from the script.

Reggie, I understand
why you're angry.

I just want a chance
to explain, please?

Just give me a few minutes.

How about we go
somewhere, so we can talk?

Now she's going to
kick him to the curb.

‐ My girl! ‐ Alright,
girl, you did it!

I can't believe this.

Well, that was awfully polite
of her to walk him outside.

♪ We are living single ♪

No, no, don't hang up.

Don't even think
about hangin' up

without putting
Slappy on the phone!

Do you know how degrading
it is to get hung up on

by Slappy White's manager
who doubles as his cook?

I might as well just give
up on gettin' a celebrity

for this cover.

Khadijah, why
don't you just write

a really great cover article

something that will grab
your reader's attention?

You're just tryin' to make
me forget you lost my cover.

Maybe.

So, uh, anybody seen Regine?

She upstairs gettin' ready
to go out with Brad again.

So what do you have
against the brother, anyway?

His wife.

You know, I dated a
married woman once.

‐ Really? ‐ No. I'm just lyin'.

Tryin' to get attention again.

Whoo! Mm. Look at that dress.

It has just a hint of I'm easy

with a tinge of I need a job.

So I see you all are
stayin' home again, hmm?

Oh, yes. We're all sittin'
around like, oh, I don't know

wives whose husbands
are cheating on them

but, uh, don't let
that ruin your night.

You go on out
now. Have some fun.

Look, his marriage was
over before he met me

and he's leaving his wife.

You know, I should put you
on the cover of my magazine.

"Flavor's" fool of the year.

I know that you don't
agree with my decision

to keep seein' Brad,
but I gotta trust him.

I know that he is
goin' to leave his wife

and then he's gonna marry me

and we can put this
whole thing behind us.

Why do you let this
man play you like this?

Word! Don't you
know it's all game?

I can take care
of myself, alright?

Well, fine. If you
say so, Miss Girl.

Put on your fake airs
and your fake lashes

and just tramp your
fake behind on out of here

'cause Khadijah don't need ya.

Well, fine. I will. I'm gone.

‐ She's stupid, man.
‐ I can't believe this.

I forgot. Brad is pickin' me up.

Girl, you'd better be careful.
I hear that man got a wife.

You know, Regine, honey.

I don't think he's coming.

Shut up!

Mm. Chocolate, huh?

Brad never showed up, did he?

No, alright, Khadijah.

So just go ahead. Give
me what I got coming.

Nah. Too easy.

Why does this keep
happenin' to me?

'Cause you keep lookin'
for someone to carry you.

‐ Well, what's wrong with that?
‐ They keep dropping your ass.

All I want is the best.

I mean, I want a man
that knows that fine wine

doesn't come
with a twist‐off cap.

You know, I don't know
how you got to be so snooty.

You ain't but one generation
out the projects your damn self.

So what? I'm not
supposed to want more?

Of course. You can
get it on your own.

You can do anything.
You're a woman.

Hear you roar!

I'm agreeing with you.

Look. Regine, it's simple.

You gotta start
taking care of yourself.

I mean, put Regine first.

Do what you need to do for you.

Hmm. You're absolutely
right, Khadijah.

Mother always is.

You know, I think, uh, I think
I'm gonna go shoppin' tomorrow.

Get my hair done.
Maybe buy some hair.

Um, that's, that's not
exactly what I had in mind

but I guess you
could start there.

The bottom line is

men are nothing but speed
bumps on the road to happiness.

‐ You're right. ‐ No, no.

I think they're more
like cheap pantyhose.

At the worst possible
moment, they run on you.

‐ 'Mm‐hmm.' ‐ 'Yes!'

You done hit it.
You done hit it.

But did you ever stop to think

about what the world
would be like without men?

A bunch of fat, happy
women and no crime.

I just came back
from the newsstand.

"Flavor" magazine
is completely sold out.

‐ Alright, girl! ‐
Congratulations!

Your featured article
was inspirin', girl.

Dope title, huh?

"Dating Married Men, The
Sleeping Dog That Lies."

Well, it sounds
great. What's it about?

You're gonna have to read it.

‐ Oh. Remember
this? ‐ Hey, yeah!

This used to be the jam.

‐ Oh, no. ‐ Hold up.

♪ I got sunshine ♪

♪ On a cloudy day ♪

♪ Doo doo doo doo doo doo ♪

♪ When it's cold outside ♪

♪ I got the month of May ♪

Go ahead, break it down good.

♪ I guess you'd say ♪

♪ What can make
me feel this way? ♪

♪ My girl ♪
♪ My girl ♪

♪ Which girl? ♪

♪ Talkin' 'bout my girl ♪

♪ My girl ow ♪

♪ I've got so much money ♪

♪ Y'all envy me ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ I've got the
sweeter song baby ♪

Break it down.

♪ Than the birds in the tree ♪

Oh, yes.

♪ Yeah yeah yeah ♪

♪ I guess you'd say ♪

♪ What can make
me feel this way? ♪

♪ My girl my girl my girl ♪

♪ Talkin' 'bout my girl ♪

Work it out, cuz!

♪ My girl ♪

‐ Oh, the bump! ‐
Do the bump now.

♪ Haa ♪