Little House on the Prairie (1974–1983): Season 6, Episode 20 - Wilder and Wilder - full transcript

[BARKING]

BANDIT, WHAT ARE
YOU DOING IN THERE?

THAT'S NOT YOUR DOGHOUSE.
COME OUT OF THERE!

THAT'S MY PLAYHOUSE,

SO YOU JUST
STAY OUT OF THERE.

Albert: PA, YOU NEED
ANY HELP PUTTING UP
THE NEW FENCE?

NO, BUT THANKS, SON.
JONATHAN'S GOING
TO GIVE ME A HAND,

BUT I'D APPRECIATE IT
IF YOU'D CLEAN
OUT THE STALLS.

YES, SIR.

Laura: PA, GUESS WHAT.
ALMANZO GOT A NEW COLT.

OH, THAT'S
NICE.



HE SAYS HE GOT IT
REAL CHEAP BECAUSE
IT WAS A RUNAWAY.

HE NAMED IT BARNUM.
HE SAYS THAT IT'S...

HALF-PINT, I'D APPRECIATE
IT IF YOU'D CLEAN OUT
THE HENHOUSE TODAY, ALL RIGHT?

ALL RIGHT.

ALMANZO'S GOING TO
TRY AND BREAK HIM
INTO HIS BUGGY

SO HE CAN RIDE HIM
IN THE BIG RACE
NEXT SATURDAY.

- HERE'S YOUR LUNCH.
Charles: THANK YOU.

Laura: ALMANZO SAYS
HE'S A REAL GOOD
HORSE AND THAT--

LAURA, I CAN'T TELL YOU
HOW TIRED I AM HEARING
ABOUT ALMANZO.

ALL RIGHT?

Charles:
HAVE A NICE DAY.

- BYE.
- BYE-BYE.

I WAS GOING TO ASK PA
IF I COULD WATCH ALMANZO
BREAK BARNUM.

WELL, SOMEHOW, LAURA,
I THINK THAT THAT WAS
NOT THE RIGHT TIMING.



ANYWAY,
YOU HEARD WHAT HE SAID
ABOUT THE HENHOUSE.

WELL,
CAN I GO AFTER?

YOU'LL HAVE TO
ASK YOUR FATHER.

Charles: WELL, WE'LL
HAVE THIS SECTION FENCED
BY THE END OF THE WEEK.

WE CAN START
SPRING PLANTING.

Jonathan: YEAH.
THEN WE CAN START
PRAYING FOR A GOOD CROP.

WE'RE GOING
TO HAVE ONE.
I CAN FEEL IT.

I SURE HOPE THIS WEATHER
HOLDS FOR THE GRANGE
PICNIC NEXT SATURDAY.

I AIN'T GOING
TO BE THERE
FOR THAT, CHARLES.

YOU'RE NOT?
HOW COME?

WELL, IT'S ALICE'S
MOTHER'S BIRTHDAY.

I PROMISED I'D GO
OVER THERE AND SEE HER.

Charles: SHEDS A LITTLE
NEW LIGHT ON THE ARM
WRESTLING COMPETITION.

I JUST MAY ENTER
THIS YEAR.

IT AIN'T GOING TO BE
NO SHOO-IN FOR YOU.

THERE'S STILL
SOME STRONG
ARMS AROUND,

AND SOME YOUNG BULLS
COMING UP, LIKE
THAT ALMANZO WILDER.

CAN'T I GO ANYWHERE
WITHOUT HEARING
THAT NAME?

HI, PA,
MR. GARVEY.

- HELLO, LAURA.
- WHAT BRINGS YOU
OUT HERE, HONEY?

MA SAID IT WAS ALL RIGHT
WITH HER IF IT WAS
ALL RIGHT WITH YOU.

I WANTED TO GO OVER
TO THE WILDER PLACE

AND WATCH ALMANZO
BREAK HIS NEW HORSE.

WHAT ABOUT
THE HENHOUSE?

IT'S ALL CLEANED UP.

AND THE REST
OF YOUR CHORES?

WELL, I THOUGHT
MAYBE I COULD
DO THEM LATER.

OH, NO.
NOW, I'M SORRY.

YOUR CHORES COME FIRST.
YOU KNOW THAT.

YES, SIR.

Boy: HI, THERE.

- MORNING.
- HOWDY.

MY NAME'S
PERLEY DAY WILDER.

CHARLES INGALLS,
MY DAUGHTER LAURA.

MY PLEASURE.

- I'M JONATHAN GARVEY.
- SIR.

YOU WOULDN'T HAPPEN
TO BE ANY RELATION

TO THE WILDERS
THAT LIVE AROUND HERE?

I'M THE BABY BROTHER,
YOU MIGHT SAY.

I'D DEARLY
APPRECIATE IT

IF YOU GIVE ME
DIRECTIONS
TO THEIR PLACE.

I COULD
SHOW HIM, PA.

IT'S NOT THAT FAR
OUT OF MY WAY,

AND I WOULDN'T STAY
OR ANYTHING.

IT'S THE NEIGHBORLY
THING TO DO.

NO ONE WILL EVER
ACCUSE YOU OF NOT
BEING NEIGHBORLY.

Charles:
ALL RIGHT, GO ON.

Perley Day: THANK YOU...

AND I COULDN'T THINK
OF A PRETTIER GUIDE.

Charles: HEY, DON'T
FORGET YOUR CHORES!

I WON'T.

IT'S JUST UP
THE HILL A WAYS.

HE'S A HAPPY SORT,
ISN'T HE?

MM-HMM.

HOW OLD WOULD
YOU SAY HE WAS?

I DON'T KNOW.
17, 18 MAYBE. WHY?

NO REASON,
JUST WONDERING.

LET'S GET BACK
TO WORK.

[HORSE WHINNIES]

Almanzo: STEADY, BOY!
STEADY! WHOA!

[HORSE WHINNIES]

WHOA, BARNUM!
STEADY!

KEEP STEADY DOWN,
NOW, BOY.

EASY, BARNUM. WHOA!

EASY!

EASY!

WHOA!

WHOA, BARNUM!

WHOA!

THERE'S ALMANZO.

ALMANZO!

PERLEY DAY,
WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?

JUST VISITING.

I CAN'T STOP, NOW.

SEE YOU BACK
AT THE HOUSE!

WHOA!

WHOA, BARNUM!

HE'S BREAKING IN
HIS NEW HORSE.

LOOKS THE OTHER WAY
AROUND TO ME.

[LAUGHS]
LET'S GO.

EASY. EASY.

WHOA.

WHOA.

[LAUGHS]
YOU RASCAL!

IT'S GOOD
TO SEE YOU.

GOOD TO SEE YOU,
TOO, BIG BROTHER.

HAVE YOU SEEN MA
AND PA LATELY?

YOU KNOW, I JUST CAME
FROM SPRING VALLEY.

THE FOLKS
ARE JUST FINE.

YOU, UH, RUN OUT
OF MONEY AGAIN?

NAH.

GOT OVER $50
RIGHT HERE...

AND I HAD
A LOT MORE,

WORKING THOSE
OIL FIELDS BACK
IN PENNSYLVANIA,

BUT I LOST A BUNDLE
IN A CARD GAME.

AH, YOU HAVEN'T
CHANGED A BIT.

Eliza: OH, PERLEY DAY!

OH, MY GOODNESS.

[LAUGHING]

OH, SIS!

OH, YOU LOOK
WONDERFUL!

OH, SO DO
YOU, SIS.

OH, BUT YOU'RE
A NAUGHTY BOY,
YOU KNOW,

NEGLECTING US.

WE HAVEN'T SEEN YOU
IN OVER A YEAR.

WELL...
WELL, HERE I AM.

YOU KNOW, I WALKED
ALL THE WAY
FROM SPRINGFIELD

JUST TO BE WITH YOU
AND MANZO.

Eliza: OH, HOW LONG
CAN YOU STAY?

UH, I GOT NO TIMETABLE.

TILL I WEAR OUT
MY WELCOME?

OH, PERLEY DAY!

YOU COULD NEVER
WEAR OUT YOUR WELCOME.

WELL, WHAT ARE WE
STANDING HERE FOR?

YOU MUST BE TIRED
AFTER ALL THAT WALKING,
AND HUNGRY.

OH, I COULD EAT
A HORSE.

WELL, IF I CAN'T
BREAK BARNUM,

I MIGHT JUST
SERVE HIM UP
TO YOU.

WELL, ALMANZO...

THAT'S
A FINE-LOOKING ANIMAL.

WELL, I THINK
I'M GOING TO HAVE
ANOTHER GO AT HIM

WHILE ELIZA JANE
STUFFS YOU.

OKAY.

WE'LL HAVE
A CATCH-UP
SESSION LATER.

YOU BET.

Eliza Jane:
COME ON, COME ON.

WE'LL GET YOU
SOMETHING TO EAT.

I'VE GOT
DESSERT, TOO.

HIYA, BETH.

HI, MANLY.

I SEE YOU'RE STILL
HAVING TROUBLE
WITH BARNUM, HUH?

WELL, HE CAN'T SEEM
TO LEARN THE DIFFERENCE

BETWEEN RUNNING
AND RUNNING AWAY,

BUT I'M JUST
GOING TO KEEP TRYING.

CAN I RIDE
WITH YOU?

WELL...
I'M AFRAID NOT.

I THINK IT'S A LITTLE
BIT TOO DANGEROUS
FOR A LITTLE GIRL.

WELL, THAT'S 3 THINGS
YOU'RE WRONG ABOUT.

ONE, IT'S NOT
TOO DANGEROUS.

TWO, I'M A WOMAN.

3, I'M NOT
A LITTLE GIRL.

WELL, I SAY I'M RIGHT
ABOUT ALL 3,

AND THAT
JUST GOES TO PROVE

THAT WOMEN SHOULD
STAY IN THE KITCHEN,

LEAVE MEN TO DO
THE HORSE TRAINING.

NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
I'M GOING TO GET A BIT

THAT'S GOING TO GENTLE
THIS HORSE OUT REAL QUICK.

HAH, BARNUM!

[HORSE WHINNIES]

LAURA, ARE YOU CRAZY?

Almanzo: WHOA!

WHOA, BARNUM!
WHOA!

TRY TO HOLD HIM,
LAURA!

EASY, BARNUM.

EASY, BOY. EASY.

EASY.
NICE AND EASY.

EASY, BARNUM. EASY.

[HORSE WHINNIES]

NICE AND EASY.

GOOD.

THAT'S IT.

I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

I FLAT OUT
DON'T BELIEVE IT.

NICE AND EASY, BOY.

THAT'S IT.
WHOA.

NOW, WHICH ONE
OF US SHOULD BE
IN THE KITCHEN?

WELL...

I WAS
A LITTLE HASTY.

WHAT IN THE WORLD
DID YOU DO?

WELL, YOU'RE GOING
ABOUT IT THE WRONG
WAY, MANLY.

WHAT BARNUM NEEDS
IS A GENTLE TOUCH,
A WOMAN'S HANDS.

I JUST LET HIM
CARRY THE BIT
REAL EASY.

WELL, JERUSALEM
CRICKETS, BETH.

YOU MUST BE RIGHT.
YOU GOT HIM TO DO

WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING
TO DO SINCE I HAD HIM.

YOU GOT HIM TO WALK.

I THINK BARNUM'S
REALLY A GENTLE HORSE.

JUMP IN. I'LL SEE
IF I CAN MAKE HIM TROT
WITHOUT RUNNING AWAY.

[HORSE WHINNIES]

BEFORE WE CONCLUDE
OUR SERVICES,

I'D LIKE TO WELCOME
PERLEY DAY WILDER,

WHO IS VISITING
HIS BROTHER
AND HIS SISTER.

WE'RE NOT SURE HOW LONG
HE'S GOING TO BE
HERE WITH US--

MOTHER.
ISN'T HE HANDSOME?

Alden: ...TO MAKE HIM FEEL
A PART OF OUR COMMUNITY.

AND I'D ALSO LIKE
TO WELCOME MR.
AND MRS. PARKER,

AND THEIR DAUGHTER
PENELOPE.

THEY'RE NOW SETTLERS
IN OUR COMMUNITY.

WELCOME.

NOW, LET'S ALL RISE
AND SING PRAISES
UNTO THE LORD

BY TURNING
TO PAGE 144,

GOOD OLD
"BRINGING IN
THE SHEAVES."

All:
* SOWING IN THE MORNING

* SOWING SEEDS
OF KINDNESS *

* SOWING IN THE NOONTIDE
AND THE DEWY EVES *

* WAITING FOR THE HARVEST

* AND THE TIME OF REAPING

* WE SHALL COME REJOICING
BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES *

* BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES

* BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES

* WE SHALL COME REJOICING
BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES *

* BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES

* BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES

* WE SHALL COME REJOICING
BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES *

Charles: ALL RIGHT.

I GOT PRETTY WELL
WARMED UP,
ALMANZO, MY BOY.

AH, YOU'LL HAVE TO GIVE
ME A TRY, HUH, SON?

HUH? ALL RIGHT, GO!

HA! THAT DIDN'T
TAKE LONG, HUH?

ALL RIGHT, SURE,
I'LL GIVE YOU A CHANCE
AGAIN, YOUNGSTER.

YEAH, ARE YOU READY?
ALL RIGHT, AND GO!

OH.

[LAUGHS]

WELL,
THAT'S VERY FUNNY.

YOU COULD HAVE
RIPPED MY ARM OFF.

WHY, I DON'T THINK
IT'S ANY FUNNIER

THAN A GROWN MAN
TALKING TO A SACK WHILE
HE'S ARM-WRESTLING IT.

YEAH, WELL, HOW
WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW

YOU WERE STANDING THERE
SPYING ON ME?

OH, CHARLES.
I WASN'T SPYING ON YOU.

I JUST CAME OUT
TO TELL YOU I MADE
A FRESH POT OF COFFEE

AND I WONDERED
IF YOU'D LIKE SOME.

OH.

WELL, YEAH, I WOULD--
I WOULD LIKE SOME.

I'M JUST GOING TO PRACTICE
A FEW MORE MINUTES.

GETTING KIND OF RUSTY.

SO IS YOUR FRIEND.
YOU REALLY SHOULD
OIL HIM.

THAT'S VERY FUNNY.

COULD I PRACTICE
ALONE, PLEASE?

- SURE.
- THANKS.

OH, UH...

I'LL SET OUT
AN EXTRA CUP
FOR YOUR FRIEND,

JUST IN CASE.

ALL RIGHT, CLASS.

NOW THAT WE'VE
ALL MET PENELOPE--

WILLIE! YOU'RE LATE.

I KNOW.

YOU WILL REMAIN
AFTER CLASS.

I KNOW.

YOU MAY TAKE A SEAT,
PENELOPE.

THERE'S ROOM HERE,
PENELOPE.

THERE IS NOT!

YES, THERE IS!

- THERE ISN'T.
- THERE'S ROOM HERE.

Andy: ALBERT.

ALBERT.

HUH?

HOW COME
YOU AIN'T EATING?

OH, I'M NOT HUNGRY.

ANDY, DO YOU
LIKE PENELOPE?

SHE'S ALL RIGHT,
I GUESS.

ANDY, YOU'RE
MY BEST FRIEND,
AREN'T YOU?

SURE.

THEN DO YOU THINK
YOU COULD DO ME
A REAL BIG FAVOR?

SURE.

PUT IN A GOOD WORD
FOR ME WITH PENELOPE.

YOU LIKE HER, HUH?

A LOT.
AN AWFUL LOT.

OKAY. WHAT DO YOU
WANT ME TO SAY?

I DON'T KNOW,
SOMETHING...

LIKE I'M
A REAL GREAT GUY.

YOU ARE.

WELL,
THEN TELL HER.

OKAY.

HELLO THERE, ANDREW.

- HI.
- SIT DOWN.

I'VE GOT TO
TELL YOU SOMETHING.

REALLY?

YEAH.

ALBERT LIKES YOU
AN AWFUL LOT,

AND HE'S
A REALLY GREAT GUY.

HE'S JUST A CHILD.

WHY DON'T YOU SPEAK
FOR YOURSELF, ANDREW?

ABOUT WHAT?

ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL.

OH, I FEEL OKAY NOW,

BUT LAST NIGHT
I FELT REALLY QUEASY.

MY PA DID
THE COOKING.

LOTS OF PEPPER
IN THE CHILI.
IT WAS REALLY--

OH, NEVER MIND
THE DETAILS.

HERE'S
YOUR COOKIE.

THANK YOU.

YOU KNOW...

YOU HAVE
REALLY NICE HANDS.

JUST HANDS
AS FAR AS I CAN SEE.

[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]

LUNCH IS OVER, CHILDREN!

SOME FRIEND
YOU ARE.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

I TOLD HER
YOU WERE A GREAT GUY.

YEAH,
BUT YOU'RE NOT.

WHAT DID I DO?

I SAW YOU
HOLDING HER HAND.

I WASN'T
HOLDING HER HAND.

SHE WAS
HOLDING MY HAND.

JUDAS!

ALBERT!

I'LL TEACH YOU!

- ALBERT!
- TRAITOR!

- GET OFF OF ME!
- NEVER!

I'LL TEACH YOU,
TRAITOR!

Laura: ALBERT!
ALBERT, STOP IT! STOP IT!

GET UP! STOP IT!

WHY ARE
YOU FIGHTING?

I THOUGHT YOU TWO
WERE SUPPOSED
TO BE FRIENDS.

HE'S NO FRIEND
OF MINE.

HE THOUGHT I WAS
HOLDING HANDS
WITH PENELOPE.

YOU WERE HOLDING
PENELOPE'S HAND.

I WAS NOT.

WELL...

I SEE THE LOVE
BUG'S BITTEN
BROTHER ALBERT.

YOU TWO BETTER
GET BACK IN SCHOOL

BEFORE YOU
GET IN TROUBLE.

MAY I HAVE
THE CHECK,
NELLIE, PLEASE?

OH, SURE.

I HOPE EVERYTHING
WAS ALL RIGHT.

DELICIOUS!

I NEVER KNEW
THOSE LOVELY HANDS
OF YOURS COULD COOK.

NEITHER DID I.

AND THE COFFEE,
MISS OLESON--

THE COFFEE
WAS THE BEST PART
OF THE MEAL.

I'D LOVE
A LITTLE MORE.

CERTAINLY.

IT'LL JUST BE A MINUTE.
I HAVE TO HEAT IT UP.

AH, I'M
KIND OF LATE.

NEXT TIME.
WHAT DO I OWE YOU?

OH.

$1.50.

TAKE $5.00 OUT.

$5.00?

THE SERVICE
WAS EVEN LOVELIER
THAN THE MEAL.

$5.00 CHANGE.

THANK YOU.

PERHAPS I COULD COOK
SUPPER FOR YOU SOMETIME.

I'D LOVE IT.

HOW ABOUT TONIGHT?

TONIGHT?

UM...WELL,
I'D LOVE TO,

BUT THAT WOULD BE JUST
TOO MUCH WONDERFUL FOOD
FOR ONE DAY.

NEXT TIME MAYBE.

I'VE GOT TO GO.

SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.

[DOOR CLOSES]

MOTHER!

HE LOVED MY COOKING!

[DISHES CRASH]

THERE'S NO SENSE
HAVING BARNUM

STAND HERE
ALL DAY, MANZO.

HE'S JUST
GOING TO GO STALE,

AND YOU'VE GOT
A RACE COMING UP.

WHY DON'T YOU LET ME
GIVE HIM A LITTLE RIDE?

I DON'T KNOW.

OH, COME ON.

I'D LIKE TO
GIVE LAURA A RIDE
AFTER SCHOOL.

WELL, ALL RIGHT.

SHE'S A NICE KID.

KID?

[SCOFFS]

SHE'S GOING
TO BE 16.

I GUESS SHE IS
GROWING UP.

THANKS.

JUST TAKE IT EASY.

Laura: HI, PA.
HI, MA.

Charles:
HI, DARLING.

I THINK
SHE'S BEGINNING
TO SEE THE LIGHT.

OH, CHARLES.

MAYBE YOU'RE
JUST BEGINNING TO SEE
WHAT YOU WANT TO SEE.

OH, COME ON. DON'T
BE A SPOILSPORT.

WE SHOULD HAVE
THAT YOUNG MAN
OVER FOR SUPPER.

YOU LEFT HOME
WHEN YOU WERE
ONLY 14?

YEP. GUESS YOU COULD SAY
I HAD ITCHY FEET.

I'VE BEEN
KNOCKING AROUND
ALL OVER THIS COUNTRY.

WELL,
HOW'D YOU LIVE?

BY MY WITS,
WHEN I COULD.

WHEN I COULDN'T...

I'D WORK,
DOING MOST ANYTHING
AND EVERYTHING.

Dr. Baker:
HOWDY, LAURA, PERLEY DAY.

THAT'S A GOOD-LOOKING
HORSE YOU GOT THERE.

Perley Day:
WELL, YOURS, TOO.

YOU ENTERED
THE RACE SATURDAY?

OH, I WOULDN'T
MISS IT. I LIKE
THE SPORT OF IT.

Laura: ALMANZO IS
ENTERING BARNUM
IN IT, TOO.

IS THAT SO?

I'VE GOT AN IDEA.

HOW ABOUT
A TRIAL RACE BETWEEN
YOUR HORSE AND HIS?

WHY NOT?

IT'S BEEN
A DULL DAY SO FAR,

NOTHING BUT RHEUMATISM
AND RINGWORM.

SAY...$5.00
TO THE WINNER?

$5.00?

THAT'S PRETTY
STEEP, SON.

WELL, YOU MUST NOT
THINK MUCH OF THAT
HORSE YOU'VE GOT THERE.

IS THAT SO?

$5.00.

UP TO THAT OAK TREE
ON THE RIGHT.

YOU'RE ON.

LET ME
HAVE THE REINS.

SET?

SET.

GO!

HUP! HUP! HUP! HUP!

[LAUGHS]

GO, BARNUM! GO!

COME ON, BARNUM!
YOU CAN DO IT!

- HEY, BARNUM!
- GO!

COME ON, BARNUM!
GO!

GO!

Laura: COME ON, BARNUM!

COME ON, BARNUM!
GO!

HO! HEY! HEY!

YOU LET HIM WIN.

MAYBE.

WELL, SIR,
HERE IS YOUR $5.00,

BUT MANZO'S HORSE
IS JUST BREAKING IN.

BY SATURDAY
HE SHOULD BE
REALLY READY TO RUN,

AND WIN IT ALL.

WELL, MAYBE.

BUT I'VE SEEN
MR. PARKER'S FILLY RUN.

SHE'S FASTER THAN MINE.

I'VE GOT $20 THAT
SAYS BARNUM WILL WIN.

YOU'VE GOT A BET.

SEE YOU LATER.

THERE'S ONE BORN
EVERY MINUTE.

ONE WHAT?

NEVER MIND.

MY COMPLIMENTS
TO THE CHEF.

REAL GOOD, MA.

HMM, THANK YOU.

ALBERT DOESN'T
SEEM TO AGREE.

HE'S GOT
SPRING FEVER.

A CRUSH ON
PENELOPE PARKER.

AND YOU
SHOULD TALK.

HOW ABOUT YOU
AND ALMANZO?

PA, CAN WE
TALK ALONE...

MAN TO MAN?

WELL, CERTAINLY, SON,
A MAN TO MAN TALK
WOULD BE FINE.

WHY DON'T YOU
GO ON OUTSIDE?

Charles:
EXCUSE US
FOR A SECOND.

CERTAINLY.

HALF-PINT, I THINK
IT'D BE NICE IF YOU
INVITED MR. WILDER

OVER TO SUPPER
THIS WEEK.

PA, REALLY?
I'D LOVE IT,
THANKS.

BUT I THINK
WE'D BETTER
MAKE IT NEXT WEEK.

ALMANZO IS AWFUL BUSY
TRYING TO TRAIN BARNUM
FOR THE RACE SATURDAY.

I WAS TALKING ABOUT
HIS YOUNGER BROTHER.

[LAUGHS]

TELL ME, WHAT'S
ON YOUR MIND, SON?

WHAT I WANT
TO KNOW IS

HOW DO YOU GET
A WOMAN TO LIKE YOU?

WELL, I TELL YOU,
ALBERT, I'M NOT SO
SURE I CAN ANSWER THAT.

YOU KNOW, IT'S KIND OF
LIKE A MYSTERY

WHAT GETS TWO PEOPLE
ATTRACTED TO EACH OTHER,

KIND OF
LIKE CHEMISTRY.

PENELOPE DOESN'T
EVEN KNOW I EXIST,

LET ALONE
I'VE GOT CHEMISTRY.

HOW DO YOU GET
HER ATTENTION?

WELL, IT SEEMS TO ME
YOU'D HAVE TO TRY TO DO
SOMETHING SPECIAL.

WELL, LIKE WHAT?

I DON'T KNOW
FOR SURE RIGHT NOW.

YOUR MA AND I DIDN'T HIT IT
RIGHT OFF FROM THE BEGINNING.

OH, I MEAN, I LIKED HER A LOT
RIGHT AT THE BEGINNING,

BUT I THINK THAT WAS MY PROBLEM.

I LIKED HER SO MUCH I WAS

A LITTLE BIT AFRAID OF HER,
IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

YEAH.

BOY, PA, YOU AND ME,
WE SURE GOT A LOT
IN COMMON.

HMM. MOST MEN DO.

YOU KNOW, AS I RECALL,
THE FIRST TIME I GOT
YOUR MA TO NOTICE ME

WAS WHEN I WON
THE POLE CLIMBING
CONTEST.

NOW, IT WASN'T
WINNING THE CONTEST
THAT DID IT.

ON THE WAY DOWN,
I MISSED A CLEAT.

I WENT RIGHT TO
THE BOTTOM, ALMOST
BROKE MY BEHIND.

BUT IT WAS WORTH IT,
BECAUSE YOUR MA
CAME RUNNING OVER,

AND SHE WAS ALL WORRIED
ABOUT ME, ASKING HOW
I WAS AND EVERYTHING.

KIND OF BROKE
THE ICE, HUH?

YEAH, AMONG
OTHER THINGS.

[LAUGHTER]

I GOT IT.

IF I CATCH
THE GREASED PIG
AT THE PICNIC,

PENELOPE'S GOT
TO NOTICE ME.

WELL, THAT
MIGHT BE ONE WAY.

BOY, PA, WE HAVE TO
HAVE THESE MAN TO MAN
TALKS MORE OFTEN.

I BEST GET TO
MY HOMEWORK. THANKS.

YOU'RE
WELCOME, SON.

CATCH A PIG?
[LAUGHS]

I'VE GOT A BIG
DELIVERY TODAY.

SURE COULD USE
YOUR HELP AT WORK.

NO, HAULING HAYSEED
IS NOT FOR ME,
BIG BROTHER.

YOU KNOW THAT.

BUT I CAN HELP YOU
ANOTHER WAY.

YEAH?

NOW, YOU HAVEN'T TIMED
BARNUM AT A MILE
AND A HALF, RIGHT?

I'LL DO IT FOR YOU.

LOOK, I'VE EVEN
GOT A STOPWATCH.

NO, THANKS.

BUT, MANZO,
THE RACE
IS TOMORROW.

SHOULDN'T
WE GET AN IDEA OF
HOW FAST HE CAN GO?

I'M NOT WORRIED.

BUT IF WE KNOW
WHAT HE CAN DO,

THEN WE CAN
GET SOME BETS DOWN.

BETTING IS NOT
FOR ME, BROTHER,
AND YOU KNOW THAT.

I DON'T CARE
IF BARNUM WINS OR LOSES

AS LONG AS
WE HAVE A GOOD RACE.

Laura: MORNING.

GOOD MORNING.

I JUST THOUGHT
I'D STOP BY
AND ASK YOU

IF YOU'D LIKE TO
JOIN US FOR SUPPER
NEXT WEEK.

I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN
REAL BUSY, BUT...

YOU'RE RIGHT, BETH.

IT'S AWFUL HARD, BUT
THIS TIME OF THE YEAR,

I'M SO BUSHED
AT THE END OF THE DAY,

I DON'T FEEL MUCH
LIKE SOCIALIZING.

I UNDERSTAND.

YOU MIGHT
ASK PERLEY DAY.

HE'S NEVER TOO
TUCKERED OUT AT
THE END OF THE DAY.

WELL, MAYBE
I JUST WILL.

HOW'D YOU LIKE TO JOIN
US FOR SUPPER TONIGHT?

SOUNDS GOOD.

6:00?

PERLEY DAY...

I LEFT YOU
SOME LUNCH.

HAM AND CHEESE
SANDWICHES
AND APPLE PIE,

YOUR FAVORITE.

THANKS, SIS.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE
WITH US, LAURA?

NO, THANKS,
MS. WILDER.

I'LL WALK.

SEE YOU LATER,
PERLEY DAY.

SEE YOU.

HUP!

HAVE A NICE DAY.

YAH, BARNUM! HAH!

GO, BARNUM! HAH!

[WHINNYING]

WHOA. WHOA, BOY.

WHOA. WHOA, BOY.

WHOA. WHOA.

Caroline: MY, PERLEY.
YOU SURE HAVE BEEN
A LOT OF PLACES.

ESPECIALLY FOR
SUCH A YOUNG MAN.

WELL, I FEEL THAT
THE TIME TO GO PLACES

AND TO SEE THINGS
IS WHEN YOU'RE YOUNG.

OH, I AGREE WITH YOU.

OF COURSE,
YOU'RE GOING TO WANT
TO SETTLE DOWN SOMEDAY.

Perley Day: IF I FIND
THE RIGHT GIRL?
Charles: EXACTLY.

HOW DO YOU
LIKE YOUR PIE?

DELICIOUS.

LAURA MADE IT.

Perley Day:
MY COMPLIMENTS.

Laura: THANK YOU.

YOU ENTERING
ANY OF THE EVENTS
TOMORROW?

AFRAID NOT.

NO. I'M A LITTLE TOO
OLD FOR CHASING A PIG,

AND I DON'T
EVEN OWN A HORSE.

WELL, HOW ABOUT
THE ARM WRESTLING?

NOT ME.

Perley Day:
I'D HAVE TO GO
UP AGAINST MANZO.

HE'S REAL STRONG, HUH?

HE SURE IS.

Albert: OH, PA'LL WHIP HIM.
WON'T YOU, PA?

WELL, I DON'T WANT
TO SAY FOR SURE--

I DON'T KNOW,
MR. INGALLS.

HE'S ALL SINEW
AND GRISTLE.

YEAH, WELL, I'M A LITTLE
SINEW AND GRISTLE MYSELF.

MAYBE I'LL SURPRISE
EVERYBODY.

[LAUGHS]

DO YOU MIND, CAROLINE?

SORRY.

GOOD NIGHT.

EVENING,
PERLEY DAY.

OH.
EVENING, MANZO.

I'M A LITTLE OLD
FOR YOU TO BE
WAITING UP FOR.

YOU RAN HIM TODAY,
DIDN'T YOU?

YOU KNOW
I ASKED YOU NOT TO,

BUT YOU RAN HIM
ANYWAY.

WHAT MAKES YOU
THINK SO?

WHEN I LEFT THIS MORNING,
THAT BUGGY WAS CLEAN,

AND NOW BARNUM
IS LIMPING.

YOU DIDN'T EVEN
WARM HIM UP,
DID YOU?

I DIDN'T KNOW.

YOU KNEW,
ALL RIGHT.

YOU JUST DON'T GIVE A DARN
ABOUT ANYTHING BUT YOURSELF

AND YOUR BETS, AS USUAL.

WELL, NOW ALL
MY HARD WORK HAS GONE
RIGHT DOWN THE DRAIN

AND BARNUM IS
OUT OF THE RACE.

I KEEP PRAYING
YOU'RE GOING
TO CHANGE.

WHOA.

HURRY UP,
PERLEY DAY.

IT'S TIME TO LEAVE
FOR THE PICNIC.

I'M NOT GOING.

NOT GOING?

WHY NOT?

I DON'T THINK
MANZO WANTS ME TO.

ALMANZO?

DON'T PULL THAT
PATHETIC ACT,
PERLEY DAY.

YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE
ME FEEL GUILTY FOR
SOMETHING THAT YOU DID.

IT'S THE SAME ACT
YOU'VE ALWAYS PULLED
ON THE FAMILY.

YOU'RE WELCOME
TO COME IF YOU WANT TO.

I'M STAYING HERE.

WELL, SUIT YOURSELF.

YOU MIGHT TAKE SOME TIME
TO THINK ABOUT WHAT
I TOLD YOU LAST NIGHT. HIP!

Man: GO, HARVEY!

PUT SOME PRESSURE
ON THAT ARM.

Man: PULL, ED!

GO, HARVEY!

GOT HIM, ED!

YOU'VE GOT HIM, ED!

Dr. Baker:
THE NEXT ELIMINATION BOUT

IS BETWEEN ALMANZO WILDER

AND NELS OLESON.

WELL, GO AHEAD,
NELS.

HE CALLED
YOUR NAME.

HARRIET, DID YOU--
WHY DID YOU ENTER ME
IN THIS EVENT?

I'M NO GOOD AT IT.
I'M WEAK.

- I'VE BEEN--
- OH, WELL, SO IS HE.

HE HAS
BEEN BEATING
MAN AFTER MAN.

HE'S GOT
TO BE TIRED.

NOW IS YOUR CHANCE
TO STRIKE.

HARRIET.

OH, NELS.

DON'T BE A COWARD
ALL YOUR LIFE.

I'M WEAK.

IN THE HEAD ONLY.

Charles:
GO GET HIM, NELS!

- MR. OLESON.
- [LAUGHS]

ALL RIGHT,
GENTLEMEN.

READY?

GO!

Nels: OH! HO HO!

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT,
MR. OLESON?

Nels: YEAH. I'M FINE.

GOT YOUR BAG,
DOC?

IN A MINUTE,
NELS.

OH.

AFTER A SHORT REST,

WE'LL GO ON
TO THE SEMI-FINAL BOUTS

BETWEEN...

ED NELSON
AND JACK LILY,

CHARLES INGALLS
AND ALMANZO WILDER,

RIGHT AFTER
THE GREASED PIG RUN.

Albert: YEAH!

- GO GET HIM.
- OKAY.

Almanzo: WELL, IT LOOKS
LIKE IT'S BETWEEN
YOU AND ME, SIR.

YEAH, LOOKS
LIKE IT.

GOOD LUCK
TO YOU.

Laura: MANLY?
- YEAH?

GOOD LUCK.

WELL, THANK YOU,
BETH.

OH, I WANT
TO BEAT HIM
SO BAD.

I KNOW.

LET'S GO
WATCH YOUR SON.

ALL RIGHT.

[BOYS SHOUTING]

Man: GET HIM!

GET HIM!

COME ON, ALBERT!
GET HIM!

COME ON!
GET HIM!

Charles:
GET HIM, ALBERT!

GET HIM!

[CROWD CHEERING]

COME ON,
ALBERT,
GET HIM!

[LAUGHTER]

Charles: HOLD ON TO HIM!
HOLD ON TO HIM, ALBERT!

YOU'VE GOT HIM!
YOU'VE GOT HIM, ALBERT!

YOU'VE GOT HIM!

[CHEERING]

[LAUGHS]
HE DID IT!

YES, AND I GET
TO DO HIS LAUNDRY.

Dr. Baker:
ATTENTION, EVERYBODY.

TIME FOR THE ARM WRESTLING
SEMI-FINALS.

ALL RIGHT,
HERE WE GO.

WAY TO GO, ALBERT.

I GOT HIM
JUST FOR YOU,
PENELOPE.

WHO WANTS HIM?

YOU BOTH ARE PIGS!

AAH!

I'M SORRY.

YOU ARE A HORRIBLE,

DISGUSTING LITTLE BOY,

AND I NEVER WANT YOU
TO COME NEAR ME AGAIN! OH!

YOU KNOW WHAT
YOUR PROBLEM IS?

YOU'RE STUCK UP.

WHAT?

YOU HEARD ME.

ALBERT WAS ONLY
TRYING TO BE NICE TO YOU.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT
I EVER SAW IN YOU!

YOU'RE
JUST LIKE HIM!

THANKS. I TAKE THAT
AS A COMPLIMENT.

AND HOW DO
YOU LIKE THAT?

HOW DO YOU
LIKE THAT?

[LAUGHTER]

OH!

COME ON,
ALBERT.

[LAUGHTER]

OH!

Perley Day:
COME ON, BARNUM.

YOU'VE GOT A RACE TO WIN
FOR PERLEY DAY.

ON YOUR GRIPS.
THAT'S IT.
LOOKS GOOD.

GO!

Laura: GO, MANLY!
GO, MANLY! GO, MANLY!

COME ON, MANLY!

[SHOUTING AND CHEERING]

COME ON, MANLY!
YOU CAN DO IT!

GO, MANLY! GO!

COME ON, MANLY!
YOU CAN DO IT!

COME ON, MANLY!

GO, PA!

GO! GO!

GO, MANLY! GO!

[SHOUTING]

THIS COULD
BE A LONG DAY.

LOOKS LIKE IT, SIR.

DO YOU HAVE
TO CALL ME "SIR"?

I'M SORRY, SIR.

Laura: GO!

GO! COME ON!
YOU CAN DO IT!

COME ON, MANLY!

COME ON!
YOU CAN DO IT!

[CROWD SHOUTING]

Dr. Baker: I THOUGHT
ALMANZO WASN'T GOING
TO RACE BARNUM TODAY.

HE ISN'T.

I AM.

ALL RIGHT,
GENTLEMEN.

NOW, REMEMBER,
IT'S UP TO THE OLD
CRAWFORD PLACE AND BACK.

ARE YOU READY?

Perley Day: RIGHT HERE.

[GUNSHOT]
YAH!

NO!

WHERE ARE YOU
GOING?

I'M GOING
TO KILL PERLEY DAY.

HUP! GET UP!

ALMANZO, WAIT!

PA, YOU'VE GOT
TO STOP ALMANZO.

HE SAID HE'S GOING
TO KILL PERLEY DAY.

PA, PLEASE!

ALL RIGHT,
GET IN THE WAGON.
COME ON.

YAH! GO, BARNUM!

COME ON, BOY!

COME ON, HIPPOCRATES!

WE'VE GOT THEM!
COME ON!

YAH, PRINCE!
COME ON, THERE!
COME ON! GO!

COME ON, PRINCE!
COME ON! GO!

GO! GO! GO, BOY!

COME ON, BOY!

COME ON, HIPPOCRATES!
COME ON!

COME ON, BOY!
COME ON, NOW!

YAH!

COME ON, BARNUM!
COME ON, BOY!

YAH!

YEAH! GET THEM!

COME ON! YAH!

YOU COULD HAVE
CRIPPLED HIM.

MAYBE YOU HAVE.

I BET DOC BAKER
$20 ON THAT RACE.

YOU'RE NEVER
GOING TO CHANGE.

YOU'VE DONE
THE SAME THING
ALL YOUR LIFE,

DO WHAT YOU WANT

NO MATTER WHAT
THE CONSEQUENCES
TO OTHER PEOPLE.

YOU RAN AWAY FROM HOME,
YOU BROKE MA'S HEART.

THEN YOU SHOW UP
EVERY NOW AND THEN WHEN
YOU NEED A FEW DOLLARS.

THEN YOU DISAPPEAR
AGAIN FOR MONTHS,
YEARS...

WITHOUT A WORD.

WELL, THAT'S NOT
GOING TO HAPPEN HERE.

I WANT YOU OUT TODAY!

I'LL PACK UP MY THINGS
AND BE ON MY WAY.

I HEAR NEW ORLEANS
IS A NICE,
WIDE-OPEN TOWN.

HOW BAD IS HE?

WELL, IT LOOKS BAD,
HE'S PUFFING UP.

ALL RIGHT.
MY PLACE IS CLOSEST.

LET'S GET HIM OVER THERE
AND SEE WHAT WE CAN DO.

FRESH COFFEE.

AH, THANK YOU,
SWEETHEART.

DON'T YOU THINK
YOU OUGHT TO BE
GETTING TO BED?

IT'S GOING TO BE
A LONG TIME YET

BEFORE WE KNOW WHETHER
THESE COLD PACKS ARE
WORKING ON BARNUM'S LEG.

WELL, I'M NOT A BABY
WHO NEEDS HER SLEEP.

I'M GOING TO STAY UP
AND HELP YOU.

ALL RIGHT. KEEP
THE HOT COFFEE
COMING, THEN.

I WILL.

CERTAINLY IS QUITE
A GROWN-UP YOUNG LADY
YOU HAVE, THERE.

NOT SO GROWN-UP.

I'LL TELL YOU,
ALMANZO,

I LIKE WHAT
YOU DID TODAY.

FORFEITING
THE ARM WRESTLING
TO SAVE YOUR HORSE.

[HORSE WHINNIES SOFTLY]

WELL, YOU WERE
GOING TO TAKE ME,
ANYWAY.

YEAH, PROBABLY.

BUT I STILL LIKE
WHAT YOU DID.

WELL,
THANK YOU, SIR.

YOU'RE WELCOME,
SON.

ALMANZO.

TAKE A LOOK.

THE SWELLING'S
GONE WAY DOWN.

I'D SAY
WITH A LITTLE REST,

HE'S GOING
TO BE AS GOOD AS NEW.

HOW'S BARNUM?

WE DID IT, BETH.

WE DID IT.

IT LOOKS LIKE HE'S
GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT.

Caroline:
HOW'S BREAKFAST SOUND?

- OH, IT SOUNDS GREAT.
- CAN I DO IT, MA?

Caroline: ALL RIGHT.

I'M GOING
TO DO IT ALL.

MAKE PLENTY.
I'M STARVED!

Charles: HEY, ALMANZO.

I HAVE A LITTLE
CONFESSION TO MAKE.

IF THAT ARM WRESTLING
HAD GONE ON ANOTHER MINUTE,

I'D HAVE QUIT.

WELL, TO TELL YOU
THE TRUTH, MR. INGALLS,

SO WOULD I.

GO ON, YOU CAN
WASH UP IN THE KITCHEN.

OKAY.

ALL RIGHT,
WHAT ARE YOU
GRINNING AT?

WELL, YOU
HAVE TO ADMIT,

SHE PICKED
A BETTER MAN
THAN YOU DID.

I MIGHT AS WELL
ADMIT IT.

I'M ADMITTING
EVERYTHING ELSE
THIS MORNING.

THE THING
THAT WORRIES ME

ABOUT THAT YOUNG MAN
IS HE'S SUCH A LIAR.

CHARLES.

WELL, HE IS,
HE COULD HAVE BEATEN ME
ANY TIME HE WANTED TO,

AND HE KNOWS IT.

OH, IT'S TOUGH
GETTING OLD.

RIGHT AFTER
WE FINISH BREAKFAST,

I'D APPRECIATE IT
IF YOU'D RUB MY ARM
WITH SOME LINIMENT.

Laura, voice-over: I DON'T KNOW
IF MY DREAM WILL EVER COME TRUE

ABOUT ALMANZO AND ME,

BUT I DO KNOW
THAT RIGHT NOW

THE TWO MEN I LOVE BEST
IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD

ARE HAVING BREAKFAST
THAT I COOKED FOR THEM.