Lip Service (2010–2012): Season 2, Episode 1 - Episode #2.1 - full transcript

I can't believe
they're still here.

I like having
our names up there together.

Frankie, stop!
It isn't me you want.

Is there someone? Anyone?

Cat. It's always been Cat.

Could still happen with her,
Frankie. You could see her.

She gave me up.
Talk to her.

You're an actress?
Yeah.

I just got the lead
in the play at the Tron.

You're amazing, you know that?

I love Sam.
She's moving in with me.



So stay away from Frankie.

The last thing you need
is her messing up your life again.

I love you, Cat.

I always have.

♪ If you keep me
in your heart

♪ Then keep me in your wallet

♪ Tucked between the money
that I wasted on you

♪ And keep me in your phone

♪ Keep me on your key ring

♪ Keep me rolling around about
the bottom of your bag

♪ And keep me in your hall... ♪

Hi, this is Cat.
Leave me a message.

♪ Keep me in your bathroom

♪ Keep me hanging up, stretched out
and dripping next to you



♪ And keep me in your sheets... ♪

I told you
we shouldn't take any toys.

He so fancied you.
I think we made his day!

Oh, Jesus.

Hi.

Well, we're definitely not
in Rio any more.

Nice necklace.
I wonder who gave me that?

Shouldn't we at least unpack?

You seriously want to unpack?

You're right. What am I saying?

Just here will do fine.

Do you like that?

Send the ball back.
Send the ball back, Jess.

Come on, babe.
Oh, no, I...

Kick it.
Come on, we're waiting.

Right here.

Try again. Throw it!

Give it some welly. Come on.

You are joking.

All right, focus.

When you said you were coming today,
I didn't think you'd do it.

I was curious to see what
8:30 in the morning looks like.

It's amazing. There's all these
people up and walking around.

You're not an early riser then,
Tess?

Course she isn't,
she's an actress.

I always fancied acting.

Judging by your performance this
morning, don't get your hopes up.

You want to try beating me in arm-wrestling,
might improve your football skills.

Sure you don't want
some of this, babe?

No, no, no. I've got rehearsals tomorrow.
Oh, yeah.

If you want to stay trim
you should get active.

Although maybe not football.
Not with that left foot.

Oi! Leave her alone.
She's got PLENTY of other skills.

Oooh!
All right.

Oh, um...

Ed's just texted me
about that play on Tuesday.

Do you wanna go and see it?

Hmm, Tuesday.
I think I might be busy, you know.

If you give her 10 minutes,
she might even think of a reason.

'The fertile bush
of New South Wales

'teems with all manner of life...'

Tess?
Yeah.

You had any more calls
about the ad?

Uh, a bloke who sounded excited
about living with lesbians

and a woman who sounded drunk.

Nice.
We've gotta get a flatmate.

And if I don't get a job soon,

I won't even be able to afford
my own rent.

You could always offer the landlady
sexual favours.

She wears a wig
and smells of bleach.

Beggars can't be choosers.

You heard from Cat?

Uh, yeah, they're back.
She left me a message earlier.

Catch you later.

Bye.

She's been weird for weeks.

She hasn't even slept with anyone
since she broke up with Sadie.

Maybe that's it -
she just needs a shag.

She's not the only one.
By the time I got my book deal,

I was gonna have
a really great girlfriend,

or be living a Don Juan lifestyle.

Instead, I'm still buying
TV dinners for one

and trying to cruise women
in supermarkets.

You'll get groupies
once it's published.

I can't wait that long.

I've decided
I'm getting laid tonight.

Ah. It's gay disco night at Rubies.
I kind of told people we'd go there.

What?

I thought this was to finally
celebrate MY book deal.

Oh, come on.
You'll enjoy it once you get there.

What about this?

Do you think it says,
I'm a serious actress?

Yeah.

Ed, you're supposed to be
helping me.

It's OK for you. You've been
holed up in your love nest with Fin.

Anyway, why isn't she helping you?
She's at work.

And anyway,
shopping's not really her thing.

What?

Just you.

Dating someone who's more
into football than shopping.

It's funny.

Well, at least she's nice to me,
unlike every other woman I've dated.

And...
the sex is great.

Most of my other girlfriends
have been really selfish in bed.

But she's like, really, really...

Well, she's just...
she's just really good.

I'm only messing.

Fin's great and I'm sure you've got
loads of other stuff in common.

Yeah, of course.

And it's only been two months.

We're still getting
to know each other.

Anyway... it's not like she
expects me to sit around

watching Sky Sports
with her mates.

No.

Hello?

Oh, right, the room.
Yeah, yeah, it's still free.

Uh, yep! Today's fine.

Hey.
Hey.

Come in.

Tess out?

Ah, yeah.

She's shopping for a rehearsal
outfit with Ed.

You could've told me you were back.
I had to hear it from Tess.

Sorry.

How are you?
Been better.

It's not been fun sitting around
waiting to find out what you want.

Well, now you know how it feels.

Sorry, I shouldn't
have said that.

I'm making tea. Do you want one?

No, I can't stay.

I have to get to work.

Tess seems to have gone
all lesbian on me

and bought a billion different
herbal varieties.

Tess doesn't drink herbal tea.

I don't think anyone drinks
hibiscus and goji berry, do they?

Except maybe Madonna.

Don't.

I can't sleep with you anymore,
Frankie - it was a mistake.

Thanks.

I'm sorry.

I've been going over it and over it
while we were away.

I won't do this to Sam,
I love her.

I don't want to leave her.

And you don't love me?

I can't do this!

Cat.

Fuck!

H-H-Hey!

I wasn't expecting you back
till tomorrow!

How was Rio?
Hot. Fun.

Wish I was still there.
I don't.

Oh, thanks for those
pitch documents.

Sorry you had to do them
on your own.

That's OK.
Just don't ever go away again.

So, here are the latest plans.

Oh, you don't want to
go over them now, do you?

You don't have anything
to smoke, do you?

What? Don't tell me
you took it up again on holiday.

I don't mean cigarettes.

Oh, wow.

You clearly spent WAY too long
in South America.

Come on.

I thought you'd be
chilled enough already.

I just went to see Frankie.

Can you keep your mouth shut?

Not usually, but, I'll make
an exception on this occasion.

We were sleeping together
before I went away.

Jesus!

You're a dark horse, aren't you?

Does Sam know?

No, and she can't find out either.
All right.

I don't want to
mess things up with her.

I told Frankie
it can't happen again.

Wow.

I know you two are...

Well, I don't know actually.
What the hell's going on?

Are you still in
love with her or...

I really don't want to
talk about it now.

I just wanna get off my face.

Well, that I could definitely
help you with.

Are you sure this is OK?

I didn't know if it
was all right...

It's fine. I'm glad you rang.

I was gonna call, just...
things have been a bit busy.

You're the second person
to tell me that today.

There you go.
I can't remember if you take sugar.

No.

Look, is everything OK?

It's just, well,
you sounded upset on the phone.

Cat, the woman I told you about...

she got back from holiday.

And she doesn't want
to be with you?

No, I think she does.

But she won't leave
her girlfriend.

Well, if it's any consolation,
it's probably hard for her too.

I was always having
my heart broken

chasing after the wrong people
when I was your age.

My so-called uncle?

Yeah. He was definitely
one of my mistakes.

I'm sorry.
I didn't mean that you were...

It's all right. It's not like
I thought I was planned.

No, you weren't.

I didn't plan to
give you up either.

Alma!

He must've got an early flight.

You need to go.

What? You just want me to leave?

Please. There's a side passage
takes you out the front.

You're never gonna tell him
about me, are you?

Where do I start, Frankie?
The robbery?

The daughter
he doesn't even know I have?

I can't do this right now.
Let's talk about it another time.

Yeah.

Do you think Jemima in Accounts
will do a naked dance for me

if I asked her nicely?

Doubt it.
She's got a husband and a Volvo.

Oh, well.
I'm sure her Volvo won't mind.

Shh! We have to be normal.

Hmm?
Alistair.

Alistair.
Ah!

There you both are.
Welcome back, Cat.

I've been looking for you.

I've just spoken with the
director at Winrow and Baines.

He's got to go off to New York
tomorrow.

So I've rescheduled your pitch
to this afternoon, five o'clock.

Is that a problem?

I presume you've brought Cat
up to speed.

Yeah, yeah!

Great.

You've got 45 minutes then.

Frankie, are you back?

Sadie?

Why aren't you
returning my calls?

I haven't got my
work phone anymore.

What do you want, Frankie?

To say thanks. I didn't realise the cheap
rent was dependent on me sleeping with you.

It wasn't.
Yeah, right.

You could have had
the decency to tell us.

We had two days to find
somewhere new.

Now we're having to look
for a bloody flatmate.

I didn't tell you myself because
I don't work there anymore.

They found out about the
cheap rent and sacked me.

It's not my fault you're
unhappy, Frankie.

Sort yourself out and stop
acting like a fucking cock.

Hi.

I'm Lexy. You must be Tess?

Yeah.
Sorry I'm late.

Oh, it's OK.
My flatmate isn't here yet, so...

Do you want me to come back when she
is - in case I'm a serial killer?

No, no, no, no, it's fine.
Come in. She shouldn't be long.

Um, unless you are.

Oh, I used to dabble

but it was murder getting the
bloodstains out of my clothes.

Nice pad.

Sorry, uh, I've never
interviewed a flatmate before.

Do I show you the room first or...?

I'm no expert, but I think
you'd probably show me the room

and then we'd chat

and then you try and work out
if I'm weird or not.

OK.
Sounds like a good plan.

Um, so, seeing as you
mentioned it, are you weird?

Oh, not usually.

Though I do live with my gran,
so I guess that is a bit weird.

God, I could never live
with my gran.

She's mad for
pinching my cheeks.

Oh, well, mine's from here so,
you know, when I came over...

And I wouldn't mind, it's just
she's got a lot of pets

and I'm trying to kick
the whole bestiality thing.

Oh! Sorry, I didn't get you.

Um, do you want to...?
It's just through there.

Oh, cool!

If I move in do I get to keep
Johnny Cash at Folsom Prison?

What, you like Johnny Cash?

Yeah, it's kind of a guilty secret
but I love country and western.

No way. Me too.

Really?
Well, it's not so secret.

I'm kind of out about it
to my friends.

Ah, I love this play.

Everyone's so bloody miserable
in it.

They're doing it at the Tron,
aren't they?

Yeah, actually, uh,
I'm playing Sonya.

Really?
Mm.

That's so cool.
Thanks.

So, what do you do?

Sorry.
I sound like someone's dad.

I'm gonna be asking if you've
got good prospects next.

I can ask for your daughter's
hand in marriage if you like.

Um, listen.

My flatmate's gonna be back soon

and I bought a selection of tea
the other day

so that when we have guests
I can say,

"Do you want a cup of tea?
We have a selection."

Um, do you want one?

Oh, only if you
have a selection.

Yes.

Come on. This way.

Fuck.

It's not funny, Jay.

What are you doing?

Trying to sober up.

Isn't there a tea you can drink, I
heard that - to make you not stoned?

That's to evade the urine test.

Anyway we don't have any.

We want to create flowerbeds
in the courtyard.

We imagine people
having their lunch

surrounded by roses
and tulips and...

What are they called?

Hmm? Tulips.

No, those lovely orange
and pink flowers, you know?

They're really...pretty.

Some of them have got
a different colour

around the edges of the petals.

Mmm.

It almost makes me think
someone's drawn it on with pen.

And they're really soft
and smell lovely.

Begonias!

Mmm.
Begonias.

And now, my colleague, Jay, will
take you through the window designs.

Jay.
Hmm?

The window designs.

Oh!

Sorry, sorry.

That's lunch. Cutbacks.

Hey, if you don't go for this
pitch, we might starve to death.

I'm sorry.
He always cracks me up.

Aw! You've got all
my favourite stuff on here.

So, er, have you got
any pets or kids

or wives we should know about?

No, no, no.
I'm footloose and fancy-free.

Hi.
Hi.

Sorry I'm late.

I only just got your message.
Um...

So, you're the flatmate?

Do you two know each other?
Not exactly.

I almost didn't recognise you.
You've done something with your hair, right?

I'm surprised
you remember me at all.

Didn't even get
my name, did you?

Leona?
Lexy.

What did you do?

We hooked up and I was a bit of a
cock and left without saying goodbye.

But if it's any consolation, I'm
often a cock, so it isn't personal.

Yeah, I gotta go.
Oh, no, no.

Let's not leave things like this.
She's really nice.

I can't.

Lexy, um...

You're right. I was out of line.

It's no excuse, but I was pretty
messed up at the time

and you just kind of got
caught up with that.

I'm sorry.

Ah, fuck it.
Life's too short to bear a grudge.

Why don't you come out
for some beers with us later

and see if you can bear us?

It's gay disco night at Rubies.

Do you think you
can handle that?

Love a bit of disco.

Awesome.

Hey.

Um...beers, anyone?

Yeah.

You all right?
I'm Fin, Tess's girlfriend.

Hi, Lexy.

What do you think? Will I do?

Um, I like you with a bit of
eye make-up, it suits you.

Yeah?

Maybe I'll go the whole hog.

Get a big, girly frock
and some lipstick.

I don't know about that.
Exactly. You'd hate it.

You only went for me because you bought
into the big, butch copper thing.

Like you didn't totally
play up to it.

Second date, you offered me
a ride in your police car.

Yeah.

Well, it worked, didn't it?

Gets the ladies every time.

I'm so knackered.

Are you sure you don't
want to go on your own?

Yes, I am.

Everyone's really excited
about seeing us.

The last thing you need
is to sit around

brooding about
that bloody pitch.

A couple of drinks will do you good.
OK.

OK.
OK.

OK.
But we're not staying long.

OK.

Um, everyone.

Uh, I would just like
to propose a toast to Ed.

Um, it just goes to show

you can be a total nerd
and still be successful.

Speech!

I'd just like to say,

I hate you all, and thanks
for bringing me to a gay bar

just to ensure I can't celebrate
by getting laid.

No, you can get laid anywhere!

All you need to do
is employ the three C's.

Babes will be flocking in.

What? I must be
going wrong somewhere.

I never heard of no three C's.

Oh, cocky, confident
and charming.

No, seriously.
Women can sense if you're nervous.

You've got to approach them

like you're the hot restaurant
everyone wants to dine in.

Come on, if Ed was a restaurant,

he'd be giving away
two-for-one lunch vouchers.

Oi!

Alternatively, Ed, you
could just try being friendly

and see if you have
anything in common.

Oh, yeah, if you want to
send people to sleep.

Yeah? It worked for me.

So, Lexy, what do you do?

And how come we haven't
seen you before?

Oh, I'm a doctor
in A&E at Queen's.

I work a lot.

I virtually lived there
when I was training.

You got Friday night,
Chundering Piss-Artist Brigade.

Must've been before my time,
or I'd remember you.

A doctor, hey?

That's a bit grown-up, isn't it?

Are you sure you want to live
with these juvenile delinquents?

Oi.
No, no, no, I'm not grown-up.

I'm only in it for
the free drugs.

Speaking of which, I've brought
Charlie along to help us celebrate.

Anyone care to join us at the bogs?
Oh, I can't.

It's my first day
of rehearsals tomorrow.

All right, you can count me in.
Yeah, and me.

Right then, I guess
it's just me,

Frankie, Lexy and our
soon-to-be-famous author then.

Let's go!
No, no way.

There's no way, Jay.

Ed, you lack confidence.

Is it any wonder
when you're a drug refuser?

Believe me...

just ONCE in your life,
you wanna feel this good.

What if something goes wrong?

Huh? And I'm dead in the papers.

You don't usually drop dead unless
you have a heart condition.

And it's a fairly quick end.

Really?
Yeah.

You can trust her.
She's a doctor.

That was me.

You look like you needed that.

Yeah, well, life seems that much
better when you're off your tits.

If I die, tell my parents
it was peer pressure.

You're losing your clip.

Um...

look what I got.

What are they?

They're giving them out free
at the bar.

Just don't let me
drink them tonight.

This is absolutely my last beer.
I refuse to be hung-over tomorrow.

Yeah, why don't I believe that?

Uh, pass me my coat.

So, what?
You're gonna put them in your coat?

I'm gonna put them in my pocket.

How long for?
Um, till Saturday.

Till Saturday?
Yeah, yeah.

What? You're the one who said
a couple of drinks would do me good.

Enjoy the honeymoon phase.

In a couple of months you could
be griping just like this.

Nice.

Nah, me and Tess are gonna be
in a constant state of harmony.

She's way too gorgeous
to argue with.

It's true. I am.
Mmm.

Oi, there's some
of my team-mates.

Tigger! Badger! Over here.

You play for a women's league?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Give it a week
I'm gonna get Tess in there.

Hey, you right?

We were just discussing
the match tomorrow.

You guys are gonna
get slaughtered.

You won't ever say
that when we win.

Piss off. You're just jealous
cos you got relegated.

Listen, give it a couple of weeks
and we'll be back up there.

What are you laughing for?
It's not funny.

Who do you support, Sam?

Uh, Bradford City.

Ooh!

I like your necklace.
Sam got it for me on holiday.

What?

THEY are a bit laddy
locker room, aren't they?

Not Fin, she's great.

Yeah, I just...

I wonder whether it matters
that we're both so different.

Do you think Lexy's
gonna move in?

Not if Frankie's gonna
sleep with her again.

Again?
Yeah.

It turns out she was
one of Frankie's hit-and-runs.

Oh.

She better not be bloody
going home with her.

It'd be just like Frankie

to blow our chances of a decent
flatmate for a quick shag.

All these blokes
keep checking me out.

Look!

That one over there.

And that one.

Have drugs made you gay?

You OK?

Yeah.

Just the usual girl-wants-girl,
can't-have-girl bollocks.

Someone I know?
Nope.

Christ, I hate coke.
It always makes me spill my guts.

I did not tell you that.

My lips are sealed.

You know what they say.

The best way to get over one
girl is to get under another.

No, I wasn't
referring to myself.

No offence but, uh, I don't
make the same mistake twice.

None taken.

You're right.
I generally am a mistake.

So, the cop, Sam,
does she go out with Cat?

Do you fancy Sam?

Oh, Jesus,
that was me trying to be subtle.

Yeah, they're together.

Although,
I wouldn't let that put you off.

Relationships are just things people
do before they fuck someone else.

Although, I wouldn't take my advice.
I'm always pissing people off.

Are you OK?

Yeah, no, I'm just really tired.
Let's go.

OK.

Oh, I'm ready to hit the hay.

Getting too old for partying
on a school night.

Hang your towel up in the
bathroom on the way, will you?

Yeah, if you ask
me nicely maybe.

I just wish you'd tidy up
after yourself.

Bollocks!
That's not what this is about.

You've been in a weird mood
all night.

You're stressing about that bloody
pitch and taking it out on me.

Well, you can argue with
yourself, cos I'm going to bed.

That's the thing.
It was offside.

I cannot believe you're saying that
goal should have been allowed.

It was offside.

I know!

Then why are you
arguing with me then?

That match last week was terrible.
I was sick.

I cannot believe the way that
Hearts are playing at the moment.

Do you know what I'm saying?

Sorry.

You're right.
I was being a harpy.

You were a bit.

Quite a lovable one, though.

You'll be OK, you know?

As my dad always says, good
things happen to good people.

I really fancy living
in Merchant City.

My parents rent me this place
on the South Sides.

I'd move but my mum's all like,
"Janice, why waste money?"

"We give you a better deal."

She drives me nuts.

Whoa, you like your herbal teas,
don't you?

Hibiscus and goji berry.

Who knew?

Beer?

Are we doing this or not?

Yeah, um,
I think I've changed my mind.

You're kidding, right?

Sorry.

It's not you.

I can call you a cab.

Don't bother.

Christ, one of these days
I'll actually meet a lesbian

who isn't a total fuck-up.

My God. I feel like shit.

Why didn't you stop me
from drinking so much?

Well, I was too busy
getting wasted myself.

Besides, you were numbing yourself
to all their football talk.

I don't want to go
to the scary rehearsal.

You'll be fine.
You deserve this.

And you'll nail it.

Anyway, be thankful
you have a job.

If my life gets any worse, I'll
be joining the Hare Krishnas.

What is up with you?

Nothing. Everything. This bill.

That we should...
we should ask Lexy to move in.

It's a no-brainer.

What's the problem?
I thought you liked her.

Yeah, it's a good idea.

Unless you were intending
to sleep with her again.

Tess, it was one fuck.
I fuck a lot of people.

Yeah, well, you seemed
pretty pally last night

and, you know,
she's really nice.

I could see why you might
go there again.

Seems like it's me
that should be worried.

Worried about what?

Nothing.
All right, I need to get ready.

You're going to help me
choose what to wear.

Should I call her, then?

Yeah, good idea.
Yeah.

I'll cook tonight.

You can play
hostess with the mostest.

I asked Ryder to come for dinner
with his new girlfriend, remember?

This evening.

Oh, Cat.
We blew him out before we went away.

I can't cancel again.

But don't worry.
It'll be really low-key.

OK.

OK. Right, I'm going.
You coming?

No, I've a couple of things
to do here before I go.

OK. See you later.

See you.
Bye, gorgeous.

I look like one of the Waltons.

Nah, you look good, babe.

Tina got so pissed last night
she lost one of her shoes.

This looked good in the shop
but it was a mistake, wasn't it?

Um, do you think you could stop
texting your mates and help me?

I've been waiting for weeks
for this to start.

I'm sorry.
I'm putting the phone down.

Stop panicking.

Why do we have to have
a new director?

What if he doesn't like me?
He might recast.

Don't be silly.

Look, how hard can it be?

All you gotta do is go in there
and say a few lines.

Thanks. Acting does take
some skill, you know.

I'm joking!
I'm just trying to cheer you up.

Sorry.

Listen, whatever happens,
I still think you're hot.

Fin, Fin!

Look, for once in my life,

I'm gonna be 10 minutes early
for rehearsal, OK?

OK.

Hi, I'm Tess Roberts,
playing Sonya.

Tess. I'm Tess.
I'm playing Sonya.

Tess Roberts.
Tess Roberts, playing Sonya.

Oh, fuck.

Hi.

Did Alistair mention when Winrow
and Baines would be in touch?

I don't know.

Are you all right?

Do you think Frankie went home with
Lexy last night? I don't know.

Is that what's bothering you?

I thought you were
happy with Sam.

I am happy.

She's beautiful and kind
and I don't want to lose her.

Look...

I feel bad saying this, right,
Frankie's my mate, but...

she's not exactly
the most reliable, is she?

Do you think I wouldn't have
put her behind me if I could?

What would you do?

You're asking me?

All right, well, I'd...

I'd probably keep
shagging them both

and make a great, big mess.

But then, I can always be relied
upon to do the wrong thing.

Who's that?

Someone pretty sozzled
by the looks of things.

You don't think she's homeless,
do you?

She might have snuck in here.

Actually, it's Tess.

Tess Roberts.
She's playing Sonya.

Tess.

Tess!

What?

Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.

I got here earlier.
I must have, um, drifted off.

Are these yours?

Yes. Yeah. I got them free
at a club last night.

I tend to discourage alcohol
in rehearsals.

No, no, no, I wasn't drinking them.
Honestly.

They were in my pocket.

Um...

I'll just...

OK.

Well, um, let's get some tea
and let's get started.

OK. Sorry.

These things are
so nerve-racking.

I always like a little tipple
beforehand.

Oh, no, no, no.
I wasn't drinking them, honestly.

Oh, I believe you.
Thousands wouldn't.

OK, I thought I'd get
the four of you in on your own,

because you'll be working
together a lot.

Excuse me. I'm sorry.

Hi. I'm in rehearsal.

Just a minute.

Um...why don't you all
introduce yourselves?

You know what?
I don't think you left the gas on.

Because you always think that
but you never have...

All right, I'll
kick off, shall I?

Um, I'm Nora.

Although you might have known me
as Angela from Cardiac Care.

Um, although I have
escaped telly.

And I've been giving my Hedda
at the National.

Timothy here
was my rather fantastic Lovborg.

Oh, please.
You acted us all off the stage.

Nora was wonderful.

Stop it! I did not!

I'm not the one who's just been
nominated for a Spanish BAFTA,

you talented bastard.

Didn't I see you in The Seagull?
Probably.

For the last eight years, I've
played every weathered drunk going.

I'm not complaining.

Cuts down on the
need for research.

What about you, Tess?

Have you done much theatre?

Ah, no, not really.

Mainly bits of telly, Casualty,
The Bill, nothing very exciting.

I've got a friend who was in The Bill,
maybe you know him, Johnny Stevens?

I wasn't in it for very long.
I only had a tiny part, so...

Go on, amuse us.
What were your lines?

Oh, I can't really remember.

Don't be a spoilsport,
of course you can.

Ah, well, it wasn't really...

lines as such.

It was more like a noise.

Well, like an exhalation of air.

Um...

I was a corpse
that they found in the river.

And when they pulled me out,
I made like a... sound.

Because corpses
have air in them.

I've played a few
corpses in my time.

If I've had a bit
of a night beforehand,

they don't even need
to bother with make-up.

Well.

Well done, you.

From corpse to Sonya
in one fell swoop, that is...

that is quite an achievement.

You must be thrilled.

Right, sorry about that.

Um...let's get going.

I thought we'd start by looking
at what the play means to us all.

This was at reception for you.

Do you reckon
he's talking to them now?

I don't know. Let's hope so.

What is that?

Oh, it's nothing.

Here he comes.

Ah. Excellent news.

Winrow and Baines,
they LOVED your pitch.

We're on board!

They thought you were, um,
"impressively eccentric."

What did they mean by that?

Oh, I threw in a few jokes.
You know what I'm like, Alistair.

Made it a bit humorous.

Yeah.
Yeah, well.

Whatever. We've got the work.

That's the important thing.

Congratulations.
Thank you.

Now, Jay, I want you
to liaise with them direct.

Cat, you work up to Jay.

And well done!

What?

I can't help it if he recognises
my superior talents.

It's not actually funny, Jay,
it's discrimination.

All right,
well, don't take it out on me.

Make a complaint.
Or talk to him.

Actually, you know what?
It doesn't matter.

Fuck it! Fuck him.
I don't give a shit anymore.

I think we've covered
enough ground for today.

See you back here, ah,
same time tomorrow.

Hi.

Um, what sort of sound?

No, no, no, no, no.
I'm sure it'll be fine.

No. No-one's ever died
by using a microwave, no.

It is such a pain. I still get all
this fan mail from Cardiac Care.

I've had it up to here
with signing photos.

Jesus, why didn't anyone
tell me I look such a fright?

Don't be ridiculous.
You look as gorgeous as ever.

Don't worry, don't worry.

My hair always goes a bit Noel
Edmonds when I've been in the rain.

I wasn't in the rain.

I'm walking into town. Are you coming?
Mm-hm.

Shit!
Do you think I really offended her?

Oh, I wouldn't worry.
She's just a typical wacktress.

What?
Wacky actress.

Oh.
I'd suggest we go for a drink

but seeing as my wife has run
off with a baby-faced ham,

I've gotta go
and buy a fucking duvet.

See you tomorrow.
Bye.

Jay.
Mm-hm...

If Alistair asks,
I have a hospital appointment.

What are you up to?

I thought I'd try doing
the wrong thing for a change.

I bet it wasn't as bad
as you think it was.

How is my co-workers
thinking I'm a loser,

rude and drunk,
not as bad as I think?

Well, loads of great actors
are alcoholics.

That's not funny.

It made you smile
though, didn't it?

Come here.

Listen...

I'm so looking forward
to chilling out.

That's gonna be the girls.

Listen, you don't mind, do you?
They really want to get to know you.

Plus, they're a right laugh.

All right, girls?

Something smells good.

Hi, Tess, how's it going?
Hey, Tess.

I didn't think
you were a football fan.

Oh, I'm...

Sometimes I, uh...

What you cooking, Fin?

How's rehearsals?
Good, yeah.

Does anyone need
a bottle-opener?

Didn't expect to hear from you
so soon.

Did you go home with Lexy
last night?

What do you care?

You know I do.

If you must know,
I went home with someone else.

But I couldn't go
through with it.

I can't leave Sam.

Yeah, you told me
that yesterday.

We could still see each other.

If you want me,

this is the way you can have me
until I've worked out what to do.

So I'm supposed to
sit on the sidelines

while you continue
to fuck your wife?

Forget it. It was a stupid idea.

Wait.

Someone might come down here.

It's half the buzz, isn't it?

I seem to remember you always
liked the idea of being caught.

Oh, fuck that.

Just fuck me.

We can eat now,
if you don't want to wait.

No. You're all right.

Yeah?

They're doing OK.

They keep getting taken out
by the defence.

Come on.

Oh! Oh!

See! See what I mean?

Hi. Sorry I'm late.

I got held up on
some work calls.

I have been phoning your mobile.

It's out of juice.

Um, Josie, Cat.

Cat, Josie.
Hi.

I'm just gonna freshen up
and I'll be out in one minute.

This is a great place.
Do you own it?

No, it's rented.

So you two are thinking
of buying together?

Yeah, maybe.
It's a bit soon for...

Maybe.
...for that.

Sam said you've been chasing
some big contract at work.

Yeah, we just found out today.
We got it.

They're throwing a lot of money
at a new development in Partick.

That is fantastic.
Why didn't you say?

Because Jay's been
put in charge of it.

Oh. Shit, I'm sorry, Cat.

No, I've decided to take
a whole new approach.

Doing the right thing
gets me nowhere,

so I've decide
not to give a shit anymore.

We're out of wine.
Anyone else want some more?

I'm OK, I've got to work tomorrow.
Me too.

All the more for me then.

She doesn't get
on with the boss.

Cat?

Cat, are you OK?

Might have drunk a bit too much.

Oh, Alistair is a prick.

You shouldn't let him
make you so miserable.

Sam...
Yeah.

I love you.

I know.