Life with Lucy (1986): Season 1, Episode 11 - Lucy's Green Thumb - full transcript
(theme music playing)
♪ Every day I'm better
than I ever was before ♪
♪ Every day I'm loving,
living more and more ♪
♪ Every day holds keys
to possibilities galore ♪
♪ Every day is better than before ♪
♪ How you feel depends on who you are ♪
♪ Who you are depends on what you do ♪
♪ What you do is mostly up to you ♪
♪ It's true ♪
I You can make a better you I
♪ Every day is a new world
that I'm eager to explore ♪
♪ Every day opportunity
knocks at my door ♪
♪ Every day I'm loving,
living more and more and more ♪
♪ And every day is better than ♪
♪ Keep on saying, "Yes, I can" ♪
♪ And every day is better than before ♪
(whistling)
Well, good morning, Agnes.
Ooh! Two new leaves.
Oh, congratulations, you little darling.
Oh!
So, what's with you, Melvin?
I have been sweet-talking you for months,
and you have not grown an inch.
What's with these dead, dying leaves?
What is this?
Look, I--
I don't like doing this, but--
Now listen up, snail bait!
The free ride is over.
You either get growin' , or get gain'!
I'm sorry you had to hear that, Agnes.
- Who was Grandma yelling at?
- I don't know.
Grandpa's still upstairs.
Good morning, children.
Good morning,
Grandma.
- Morning.
- Morning, Mom.
Good morning, everybody.
Well, I got up early and I whipped up
a very nutritious breakfast.
So-- Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!
I see you, Curtis!
At the table.
Ted: Whipped up. Does that mean
another one of her health drinks?
(mimics gagging)
We'll get a warning--
we can hear the blender.
That's like an artillery shell.
By the time you hear it,
it's too late.
(blender whirring)
Ah, ah, ah, ah!
Come on, come on.
Grandma's drinks make us healthy.
I'd rather be sick.
Here it is.
A super-strength, organic energizer.
I put in everything healthy
I found lying around.
Hot diggity dog.
Oh, come on now, Curtis,
give health a chance.
Come on, drink up, everyone.
Drink up!
Whoa-ho-ho!
Ah-ha!
That's nutrition.
I've got to get to school.
I'll drink mine while I wait for the bus.
Me too.
Margo: Oh, look, they're having a sale
on children's shoes at Neidermeyer's.
Ted: Why don't we pick some up
after school?
Kevin!
After all the trouble Grandma went to,
how can you do that?
It's easy, just taste it.
Becky:
Kevin, the bus is here!
Ted: Hurry up, Kevin,
you're gonna be late.
Here, take this banana,
and eat it on the bus.
- Thanks, Mom.
- Okay.
- Bye.
- Kevin: Bye.
Well... here's to good health.
Yeah.
Risking)
Typical parents!
Do as I say, not as I do, eh?
You're right, we should be ashamed.
Well, I'm not. Tastes like old sneakers.
Oh, then it's better than usual, hmm?
No, it isn't!
Bye, Dad,
have a good day at the store.
- Oh, thank you, son.
- Bye-bye.
(chuckles)
Curtis, I'm ready to go to work.
Oh, I see you emptied your glass.
Yes, I did.
Come along, got a big day.
Tough luck, Melvin.
Well, well.
- Here's one for you, dear.
- Thank you.
Now, let's see...
Oh, my gosh-- look at the plant!
Why, it's twice as big as it was
this morning!
Well, that's totally illogical.
Somebody must have switched plants.
Well, no one was home all day,
and besides, it's in the same pot.
What could have made it grow so fast?
I know.
Aliens.
Oh, come on, this is ridiculous.
It's a perfectly ordinary plant,
it gets perfectly ordinary care.
A little water, a little plant food.
A little of Mom's energizer?
Oh, Ted. A health drink
won't make a plant grow.
Well, Margo, it has grown.
And this morning it got yours, mine,
and Kevin's health drink.
That's three glasses.
Four. Becky dumped hers in, too.
Squealer.
Okay, four glasses.
Five.
Whatever happened to,
"Tut, tut, tut"?
Well, you'll find this
hard to believe, but,
I am not perfect.
Okay, let's look at the facts.
It's the same plant.
And right now it is twice as tall
and twice as full
as it was this morning,
and the only difference is,
is it got Mom's health drink.
It has to be the energizer.
Holy moly.
We could have a goldmine here.
You mean, selling Mom's health drink
as a plant food?
Well, certainly not as a thirst-quencher.
Yeah! You could sell it at the store.
We could sell it all over the world.
From this moment on,
when you hear the name "McGibbon,"
you'll think: fertilizer!
...Two, three, four, five,
six, seven, eight.
There!
That's getting home in record time.
Look at the plant!
Why, Melvin, is that you?
Congratulations!
You know, it's twice as big
as it was this morning.
Yeah, and I know why.
You do?
Yeah.
'Cause I yelled at him.
I told him off.
Mom,
this isn't from what you said to it.
You've been talking to your plants
for years and they never listen to you.
None of us do.
Well, what other explanation is there?
We all dumped your health drink into it.
You all dumped out those
little glasses of love?
Well, never mind that.
Look what it's done for Melvin.
Do you know what that means?
Yes, it means that you're all devious
and undernourished.
No, it means
that you have discovered
an extraordinary fertilizer
and we are all going to be
filthy rich!
Yeah, Mom, there's a tremendous need
for plant food like this.
Imagine growing everything this fast.
You'll be in the encyclopedia
right after Luther Burbank.
Right before him.
"Barker" comes before "Burbank."
That's the way I like to hear you talk.
You take tomorrow off
and whip up a big batch
while I go to the store
and plan our marketing campaign.
Yeah, but right now,
I think we should all celebrate, huh?
What do you say we go out
for a big, fancy dinner?
- My treat.
- Your treat?
Did I Say that? Oh!
Yes, you did, Dad.
Come on, let's get cleaned up.
What-- what do you want, honey?
Can we have a boy-to-grandma talk?
Well, of course.
When you get that stuff mixed up,
can I have some?
Sure, but what for?
I'm gonna pour it on my head.
On your head? Why?
'Cause I'm the littlest guy in my class,
and I wanna grow.
Oh, honey,
I don't think it'll work that way.
It has to! I wanna be bigger.
Why do you wanna be bigger?
'Cause then I can be
on the soccer team
and all kinds of good stuff.
And the girls go for you more, right?
Yeah. There is some bad parts, too.
Kevin, listen,
It is not important how big you are
on the outside,
it's how big you are on the inside
that matters.
What do you mean?
Well, there's nothing wrong
with being small
as long as you're the best person
that you can be.
Understand?
- Yes, Grandma.
- Okay.
Maybe I should pour some
on my head anyway.
Couldn't hurt.
Oh, you!
(bell dings)
Hi, Leonard.
Ah! Oh!
Mrs. B, Mrs. B,
how can I ever thank you enough
for inventing "Gigantagrow"?
"Gigantagrow?
Yeah, Gigantagrow,
your new plant food.
Because of your, Mr. McGibbon
has promised to give me
three weeks paid vacation.
I'm going to Hawaii to lie on the beach.
(high-pitched laughter)
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo.
Uh, Leonard, uh...
there isn't any Gigantagrow.
Oh. Oh, I know, I know.
Mr. McGibbon told me
you're still mixing it.
Uh, there isn't going to be any.
No. I put so many ingredients
into that health drink,
I can't remember how I made it.
You can't remember.
I have been mixing and tasting things
since 7:00 this morning,
and no luck!
Lucille!
How could you do something so stupid?!
No, I think I'll let Mr. McGibbon do that.
Where is Mr. McGibbon?
He went to get a haircut so he could
look good for the photographer.
What photographer?
The one that's coming with the reporter.
What reporter?
The one that's coming from
The Pasadena Star News.
Mr. McGibbon has called
a press conference for 2:00
to announce Gigantagrow.
Oh, buy!
Yeah. Oh... boy!
My Partner!
My genius:
My Pal!
Well... well, we have to talk, pal.
Anything!
You want to talk, we'll talk,
you want to sing, we'll sing!
You want to dance, we'll dance!
-(humming)
- Not really.
Curtis.
Curtis, wait just a minute.
- What?
-(phone rings)
- Oh, excuse me, excuse me.
- I wanted to say something to you.
(humming cheerily)
M&B Hardware, home of Gigantagrow.
Yeah. Oh!
R's the L.A. Times.
- Oh, yes, sir.
- Curtis, we have to talk.
Yes, sir, I think our product
will revolutionize agriculture.
Oh, you want to send over
a lot of reporters?
Send as many as you like, sir,
at 2:00.
Curtis. Curtis!
- We have to talk.
- Shh, be quiet. Shh!
Go away, go away-
Uh, pardon me,
do any of you
happen to have a connection
with "60 Minutes"?
Yes, I think this would be perfect
for Morley Safer.
Yeah.
Mo--
Hello? Hello?
I said, Mo--
(stutters)
Huh.
Well, we seem to have been cut off.
Well, I was finished anyhow.
Now, what was it you were so anxious
to tell me?
Well, uh...
I just wanted to tell you
that I can't remember
how to make more Gigantagrow.
(grunts)
In-- In-- In four hours,
I am having a press conference,
and I am going to look like a fool.
Well, lucky you didn't reach Morley Safer.
- Lucille!
- Yes.
- You are not going to ruin me.
- No.
That formula is floating around
in that little head of yours somewhere
and we are going home
and get it out of there
one way or another.
(groans)
(music playing)
- This better be it, Lucille.
- Yeah.
This is your eleventh try!
Yeah. One ounce ginseng extract--
I'm sure of that.
Three drops...
of lecithin.
And let's see, uh,
gobs of garlic powder.
Just gobs.
And the wonderful God-given
wheat germ.
Yes.
And then...
yeast, to rise it to heaven.
(evil laughter)
There's a press conference
at the store in two hours
and you're playing mad scientist?
Oh, now, this might be it.
Oh!
- Okay.
- All right, I'll get the guinea pigs.
They're family, don't call them that.
Come on, sampling time.
Come on, come on, hurry up.
Come on, get in, get in.
Come on, come on.
- There.
- There you are.
- Well, I--
- Try it, everybody.
I hope this is it, or my
taste buds are gonna kill me.
I keep burping vitamins.
Come on, try it.
What do you think?
- Not even close.
- Not a trace of old sneaker.
- No way.
- This can't be it-- it tastes good!
Sorry, Mom.
Grandpa, can we go?
Yeah, Grandpa, have mercy.
All right, kids,
run along, run along.
All right, Lucille,
let's start number 12
and make it snappy.
There's a missing ingredient,
and I just can't remember what it is.
We are on the verge of becoming
millionaires,
maybe billionaires,
(high-pitched, mocking voice)
and she can't remember what it is!
Well, I can't.
My mind is a blank.
We know that!
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
There's a trick that lawyers use
to get witnesses to remember things.
What is it?
Well, they get them to recreate
every single detail
of what they did
leading up to the crime.
Well, there's no crime here.
There will be if she doesn't remember!
Dad, calm down.
Here's what we're gonna do,
we're gonna recreate
everything that happened yesterday.
Yesterday, when was yesterday?
She is so tense,
she can't think of anything.
Relaxing frees up the memory.
Come over here and sit down.
Good idea, Margo.
Come on, Mom.
Look at this, she's so tense,
you could hammer nails with her.
Now, Mom,
I want you to relax totally,
starting with your toes.
Now relax your calves
and your knees
and your thighs.
Let your hips go
and take a deep breath,
and let your tummy
and your chest relax,
your shoulders,
and loosen your neck...
Whoa! Mom.
That's good, Margo.
Now, now, Mom.
Think about yesterday.
How did the morning start?
Early.
I got up, I jogged,
I took a shower,
I did my makeup,
and my hair,
and I got dressed...
Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up!
Well, I couldn't decide whether
to wear my black skirt
or my blue slacks.
They both look nice, you know.
Yeah.
Uh...
So I went eeny, meeny, miny, moe.
Wear the slacks, it's time to go.
- Dad, you're not helping.
- What?
L-- I finished dressing,
I came down the back stairs...
to the kitchen,
and I got out my blender,
and then I...
I-- I turned on the TV.
Yeah, there was a commercial on.
Oh, and I--
I did a little dance.
(humming)
And...
And then I put in...
The missing ingredient!
No, that's not it.
No, I can't-- I can't remember.
That's it, that's it.
I might just as well
go down to the store
and face all those reporters.
I'm going to be the laughing stock
of Pasadena,
thanks to you, Lucille!
(Cries)
I'm just a big flop.
Oh, no you're not.
Yes, I am!
- No, you're not.
- Yes, I am.
Yes, she is!
Lucy:
You see? He agrees.
Dad, don't give up yet.
Yeah, there's still time
for Mom to think of it.
No, it's over, finished, caput.
You cannot get blood out of a turnip.
-(Lucy sobs)
- Well!
(crying)
That's it! That's it! Turnips!
Turnips!
What? Turnips?
I put in turnip juice!
- Turnips!
- Turnips?
(all shouting)
Only 48 hours ago,
this magnificent specimen
you see here today
was only two feet tall,
and a pathetic,
simpering little excuse for a plant.
Ah, but the Gigantagrow story
is not mine alone.
I would like to introduce
the person
who invented
this marvelous product of ours,
Mrs. Lucy Barker.
- Bravo!
- Grandma!
- Way to go, Ma!
- Thank you.
Thank you, thank you,
you're so kind.
Mrs. Barker, what's in
this amazing product?
Well, now that really is
classified information.
You might just as well ask me
for the recipe for me eggplant parfait.
No one's going to.
Please, Mrs. Barker,
can your plant food
help my Swedish Ivy?
Oh, I'm sure it can.
- Does it have a name?
- Helga.
Helga!
Well, skål, Helga!
A few applications of Gigantagrow
and she'll be back on her taproots
in no time.
-(laughs) Thank you, Leonard.
- Yeah.
Now, when you feel better, Helga,
you come back and I'll introduce you
to Melvin.
Oh! Thank you, thank you.
You're a wonderful person.
- Thank you.
- Oh, Helga...
Uh, now, now, no crowding.
- You'll get your chance.
- We'll have time later.
Gigantagrow will be on sale
right after the press conference.
Mrs. Barker, can we get a picture of you
right next to the plant?
Maybe pouring some of your
plant food in?
Sure, but could I have
my whole family around me?
- Oh, that's fine. Stewart?
- All right, uh, you too, Leonard.
- Leonard: All right.
- Curtis: Oh, here we go.
Everybody get in close, now, get in close.
Turn around, sweetheart.
Oh, here we go.
Photographer: Okay, everybody smile
and say, "Gigantagrow!"
All: Gigantagrow!
- Uh-oh.
- Whoops.
(all exclaiming)
Man:
What-- What's happening to the plant?
(screams)
Looks like it's molting!
Melvin!
Melvin, get a grip on yourself!
Curtis: Please, please.
I'm sure this is just
a temporary condition.
Don't worry--.
Woman:
Looks like it's-- it's-- it's--
Oh.
Oh!
Oh!
Oh, Melvin.
You poor thing.
Can you believe that?
I just hope she didn't
kill my poor Helga.
- Come on!
- Curtis: Please, please!
Don't go.
Now, this is all a big mistake.
I'm sure we can explain
the whole thing.
(Curtis stutters)
- What a waste of time!
- And a waste of film.
Lucille! Lucille!
What happened?
I don't know,
my energizer must have been
too much for the plant,
the poor thing
just grew itself to death.
Well, looks like we're not
gonna be filthy rich.
No, and I'm not gonna be
a fertilizer tycoon.
I'm just going to be
a small businessman,
with a small store.
That doesn't matter, Grandpa.
Oh, you don't understand, Kevin.
Yes, I do.
Grandma said there's nothing wrong
with being small
as long as you're the best
that you can be.
Oh, honey,
I, uh,
I was talking about you.
Can't it work for hardware stores?
Well... why not?
What do you say, Curtis?
- Well, I--
- Ah, come on, Curtis.
If we can't make it bigger,
let's make it better.
Lucille, I'm with you.
Attaboy!
Attaboy!
(chuckles)
I propose a Gigantagrow toast.
- Oh?
- Yes.
- Kevin: All right!
- We all have a bottle.
- There we are. Yes, sir.
- Ah, well.
-Dad?
-Okay, okay.
Yes, sir, get ready now.
No we touch-- skål--
-Skåll!
-Skål!
To M&B Hardware, the biggest little
hardware store in Pasadena.
Yeah!
(all exclaiming)
(music playing)
(theme song plays)
♪ Every day I'm better
than I ever was before ♪
♪ Every day I'm loving,
living more and more ♪
♪ Every day holds keys
to possibilities galore ♪
♪ Every day is better than before ♪
♪ How you feel depends on who you are ♪
♪ Who you are depends on what you do ♪
♪ What you do is mostly up to you ♪
♪ It's true ♪
I You can make a better you I
♪ Every day is a new world
that I'm eager to explore ♪
♪ Every day opportunity
knocks at my door ♪
♪ Every day I'm loving,
living more and more and more ♪
♪ And every day is better than ♪
♪ Keep on saying, "Yes, I can" ♪
♪ And every day is better than before ♪
(whistling)
Well, good morning, Agnes.
Ooh! Two new leaves.
Oh, congratulations, you little darling.
Oh!
So, what's with you, Melvin?
I have been sweet-talking you for months,
and you have not grown an inch.
What's with these dead, dying leaves?
What is this?
Look, I--
I don't like doing this, but--
Now listen up, snail bait!
The free ride is over.
You either get growin' , or get gain'!
I'm sorry you had to hear that, Agnes.
- Who was Grandma yelling at?
- I don't know.
Grandpa's still upstairs.
Good morning, children.
Good morning,
Grandma.
- Morning.
- Morning, Mom.
Good morning, everybody.
Well, I got up early and I whipped up
a very nutritious breakfast.
So-- Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!
I see you, Curtis!
At the table.
Ted: Whipped up. Does that mean
another one of her health drinks?
(mimics gagging)
We'll get a warning--
we can hear the blender.
That's like an artillery shell.
By the time you hear it,
it's too late.
(blender whirring)
Ah, ah, ah, ah!
Come on, come on.
Grandma's drinks make us healthy.
I'd rather be sick.
Here it is.
A super-strength, organic energizer.
I put in everything healthy
I found lying around.
Hot diggity dog.
Oh, come on now, Curtis,
give health a chance.
Come on, drink up, everyone.
Drink up!
Whoa-ho-ho!
Ah-ha!
That's nutrition.
I've got to get to school.
I'll drink mine while I wait for the bus.
Me too.
Margo: Oh, look, they're having a sale
on children's shoes at Neidermeyer's.
Ted: Why don't we pick some up
after school?
Kevin!
After all the trouble Grandma went to,
how can you do that?
It's easy, just taste it.
Becky:
Kevin, the bus is here!
Ted: Hurry up, Kevin,
you're gonna be late.
Here, take this banana,
and eat it on the bus.
- Thanks, Mom.
- Okay.
- Bye.
- Kevin: Bye.
Well... here's to good health.
Yeah.
Risking)
Typical parents!
Do as I say, not as I do, eh?
You're right, we should be ashamed.
Well, I'm not. Tastes like old sneakers.
Oh, then it's better than usual, hmm?
No, it isn't!
Bye, Dad,
have a good day at the store.
- Oh, thank you, son.
- Bye-bye.
(chuckles)
Curtis, I'm ready to go to work.
Oh, I see you emptied your glass.
Yes, I did.
Come along, got a big day.
Tough luck, Melvin.
Well, well.
- Here's one for you, dear.
- Thank you.
Now, let's see...
Oh, my gosh-- look at the plant!
Why, it's twice as big as it was
this morning!
Well, that's totally illogical.
Somebody must have switched plants.
Well, no one was home all day,
and besides, it's in the same pot.
What could have made it grow so fast?
I know.
Aliens.
Oh, come on, this is ridiculous.
It's a perfectly ordinary plant,
it gets perfectly ordinary care.
A little water, a little plant food.
A little of Mom's energizer?
Oh, Ted. A health drink
won't make a plant grow.
Well, Margo, it has grown.
And this morning it got yours, mine,
and Kevin's health drink.
That's three glasses.
Four. Becky dumped hers in, too.
Squealer.
Okay, four glasses.
Five.
Whatever happened to,
"Tut, tut, tut"?
Well, you'll find this
hard to believe, but,
I am not perfect.
Okay, let's look at the facts.
It's the same plant.
And right now it is twice as tall
and twice as full
as it was this morning,
and the only difference is,
is it got Mom's health drink.
It has to be the energizer.
Holy moly.
We could have a goldmine here.
You mean, selling Mom's health drink
as a plant food?
Well, certainly not as a thirst-quencher.
Yeah! You could sell it at the store.
We could sell it all over the world.
From this moment on,
when you hear the name "McGibbon,"
you'll think: fertilizer!
...Two, three, four, five,
six, seven, eight.
There!
That's getting home in record time.
Look at the plant!
Why, Melvin, is that you?
Congratulations!
You know, it's twice as big
as it was this morning.
Yeah, and I know why.
You do?
Yeah.
'Cause I yelled at him.
I told him off.
Mom,
this isn't from what you said to it.
You've been talking to your plants
for years and they never listen to you.
None of us do.
Well, what other explanation is there?
We all dumped your health drink into it.
You all dumped out those
little glasses of love?
Well, never mind that.
Look what it's done for Melvin.
Do you know what that means?
Yes, it means that you're all devious
and undernourished.
No, it means
that you have discovered
an extraordinary fertilizer
and we are all going to be
filthy rich!
Yeah, Mom, there's a tremendous need
for plant food like this.
Imagine growing everything this fast.
You'll be in the encyclopedia
right after Luther Burbank.
Right before him.
"Barker" comes before "Burbank."
That's the way I like to hear you talk.
You take tomorrow off
and whip up a big batch
while I go to the store
and plan our marketing campaign.
Yeah, but right now,
I think we should all celebrate, huh?
What do you say we go out
for a big, fancy dinner?
- My treat.
- Your treat?
Did I Say that? Oh!
Yes, you did, Dad.
Come on, let's get cleaned up.
What-- what do you want, honey?
Can we have a boy-to-grandma talk?
Well, of course.
When you get that stuff mixed up,
can I have some?
Sure, but what for?
I'm gonna pour it on my head.
On your head? Why?
'Cause I'm the littlest guy in my class,
and I wanna grow.
Oh, honey,
I don't think it'll work that way.
It has to! I wanna be bigger.
Why do you wanna be bigger?
'Cause then I can be
on the soccer team
and all kinds of good stuff.
And the girls go for you more, right?
Yeah. There is some bad parts, too.
Kevin, listen,
It is not important how big you are
on the outside,
it's how big you are on the inside
that matters.
What do you mean?
Well, there's nothing wrong
with being small
as long as you're the best person
that you can be.
Understand?
- Yes, Grandma.
- Okay.
Maybe I should pour some
on my head anyway.
Couldn't hurt.
Oh, you!
(bell dings)
Hi, Leonard.
Ah! Oh!
Mrs. B, Mrs. B,
how can I ever thank you enough
for inventing "Gigantagrow"?
"Gigantagrow?
Yeah, Gigantagrow,
your new plant food.
Because of your, Mr. McGibbon
has promised to give me
three weeks paid vacation.
I'm going to Hawaii to lie on the beach.
(high-pitched laughter)
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo.
Uh, Leonard, uh...
there isn't any Gigantagrow.
Oh. Oh, I know, I know.
Mr. McGibbon told me
you're still mixing it.
Uh, there isn't going to be any.
No. I put so many ingredients
into that health drink,
I can't remember how I made it.
You can't remember.
I have been mixing and tasting things
since 7:00 this morning,
and no luck!
Lucille!
How could you do something so stupid?!
No, I think I'll let Mr. McGibbon do that.
Where is Mr. McGibbon?
He went to get a haircut so he could
look good for the photographer.
What photographer?
The one that's coming with the reporter.
What reporter?
The one that's coming from
The Pasadena Star News.
Mr. McGibbon has called
a press conference for 2:00
to announce Gigantagrow.
Oh, buy!
Yeah. Oh... boy!
My Partner!
My genius:
My Pal!
Well... well, we have to talk, pal.
Anything!
You want to talk, we'll talk,
you want to sing, we'll sing!
You want to dance, we'll dance!
-(humming)
- Not really.
Curtis.
Curtis, wait just a minute.
- What?
-(phone rings)
- Oh, excuse me, excuse me.
- I wanted to say something to you.
(humming cheerily)
M&B Hardware, home of Gigantagrow.
Yeah. Oh!
R's the L.A. Times.
- Oh, yes, sir.
- Curtis, we have to talk.
Yes, sir, I think our product
will revolutionize agriculture.
Oh, you want to send over
a lot of reporters?
Send as many as you like, sir,
at 2:00.
Curtis. Curtis!
- We have to talk.
- Shh, be quiet. Shh!
Go away, go away-
Uh, pardon me,
do any of you
happen to have a connection
with "60 Minutes"?
Yes, I think this would be perfect
for Morley Safer.
Yeah.
Mo--
Hello? Hello?
I said, Mo--
(stutters)
Huh.
Well, we seem to have been cut off.
Well, I was finished anyhow.
Now, what was it you were so anxious
to tell me?
Well, uh...
I just wanted to tell you
that I can't remember
how to make more Gigantagrow.
(grunts)
In-- In-- In four hours,
I am having a press conference,
and I am going to look like a fool.
Well, lucky you didn't reach Morley Safer.
- Lucille!
- Yes.
- You are not going to ruin me.
- No.
That formula is floating around
in that little head of yours somewhere
and we are going home
and get it out of there
one way or another.
(groans)
(music playing)
- This better be it, Lucille.
- Yeah.
This is your eleventh try!
Yeah. One ounce ginseng extract--
I'm sure of that.
Three drops...
of lecithin.
And let's see, uh,
gobs of garlic powder.
Just gobs.
And the wonderful God-given
wheat germ.
Yes.
And then...
yeast, to rise it to heaven.
(evil laughter)
There's a press conference
at the store in two hours
and you're playing mad scientist?
Oh, now, this might be it.
Oh!
- Okay.
- All right, I'll get the guinea pigs.
They're family, don't call them that.
Come on, sampling time.
Come on, come on, hurry up.
Come on, get in, get in.
Come on, come on.
- There.
- There you are.
- Well, I--
- Try it, everybody.
I hope this is it, or my
taste buds are gonna kill me.
I keep burping vitamins.
Come on, try it.
What do you think?
- Not even close.
- Not a trace of old sneaker.
- No way.
- This can't be it-- it tastes good!
Sorry, Mom.
Grandpa, can we go?
Yeah, Grandpa, have mercy.
All right, kids,
run along, run along.
All right, Lucille,
let's start number 12
and make it snappy.
There's a missing ingredient,
and I just can't remember what it is.
We are on the verge of becoming
millionaires,
maybe billionaires,
(high-pitched, mocking voice)
and she can't remember what it is!
Well, I can't.
My mind is a blank.
We know that!
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
There's a trick that lawyers use
to get witnesses to remember things.
What is it?
Well, they get them to recreate
every single detail
of what they did
leading up to the crime.
Well, there's no crime here.
There will be if she doesn't remember!
Dad, calm down.
Here's what we're gonna do,
we're gonna recreate
everything that happened yesterday.
Yesterday, when was yesterday?
She is so tense,
she can't think of anything.
Relaxing frees up the memory.
Come over here and sit down.
Good idea, Margo.
Come on, Mom.
Look at this, she's so tense,
you could hammer nails with her.
Now, Mom,
I want you to relax totally,
starting with your toes.
Now relax your calves
and your knees
and your thighs.
Let your hips go
and take a deep breath,
and let your tummy
and your chest relax,
your shoulders,
and loosen your neck...
Whoa! Mom.
That's good, Margo.
Now, now, Mom.
Think about yesterday.
How did the morning start?
Early.
I got up, I jogged,
I took a shower,
I did my makeup,
and my hair,
and I got dressed...
Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up!
Well, I couldn't decide whether
to wear my black skirt
or my blue slacks.
They both look nice, you know.
Yeah.
Uh...
So I went eeny, meeny, miny, moe.
Wear the slacks, it's time to go.
- Dad, you're not helping.
- What?
L-- I finished dressing,
I came down the back stairs...
to the kitchen,
and I got out my blender,
and then I...
I-- I turned on the TV.
Yeah, there was a commercial on.
Oh, and I--
I did a little dance.
(humming)
And...
And then I put in...
The missing ingredient!
No, that's not it.
No, I can't-- I can't remember.
That's it, that's it.
I might just as well
go down to the store
and face all those reporters.
I'm going to be the laughing stock
of Pasadena,
thanks to you, Lucille!
(Cries)
I'm just a big flop.
Oh, no you're not.
Yes, I am!
- No, you're not.
- Yes, I am.
Yes, she is!
Lucy:
You see? He agrees.
Dad, don't give up yet.
Yeah, there's still time
for Mom to think of it.
No, it's over, finished, caput.
You cannot get blood out of a turnip.
-(Lucy sobs)
- Well!
(crying)
That's it! That's it! Turnips!
Turnips!
What? Turnips?
I put in turnip juice!
- Turnips!
- Turnips?
(all shouting)
Only 48 hours ago,
this magnificent specimen
you see here today
was only two feet tall,
and a pathetic,
simpering little excuse for a plant.
Ah, but the Gigantagrow story
is not mine alone.
I would like to introduce
the person
who invented
this marvelous product of ours,
Mrs. Lucy Barker.
- Bravo!
- Grandma!
- Way to go, Ma!
- Thank you.
Thank you, thank you,
you're so kind.
Mrs. Barker, what's in
this amazing product?
Well, now that really is
classified information.
You might just as well ask me
for the recipe for me eggplant parfait.
No one's going to.
Please, Mrs. Barker,
can your plant food
help my Swedish Ivy?
Oh, I'm sure it can.
- Does it have a name?
- Helga.
Helga!
Well, skål, Helga!
A few applications of Gigantagrow
and she'll be back on her taproots
in no time.
-(laughs) Thank you, Leonard.
- Yeah.
Now, when you feel better, Helga,
you come back and I'll introduce you
to Melvin.
Oh! Thank you, thank you.
You're a wonderful person.
- Thank you.
- Oh, Helga...
Uh, now, now, no crowding.
- You'll get your chance.
- We'll have time later.
Gigantagrow will be on sale
right after the press conference.
Mrs. Barker, can we get a picture of you
right next to the plant?
Maybe pouring some of your
plant food in?
Sure, but could I have
my whole family around me?
- Oh, that's fine. Stewart?
- All right, uh, you too, Leonard.
- Leonard: All right.
- Curtis: Oh, here we go.
Everybody get in close, now, get in close.
Turn around, sweetheart.
Oh, here we go.
Photographer: Okay, everybody smile
and say, "Gigantagrow!"
All: Gigantagrow!
- Uh-oh.
- Whoops.
(all exclaiming)
Man:
What-- What's happening to the plant?
(screams)
Looks like it's molting!
Melvin!
Melvin, get a grip on yourself!
Curtis: Please, please.
I'm sure this is just
a temporary condition.
Don't worry--.
Woman:
Looks like it's-- it's-- it's--
Oh.
Oh!
Oh!
Oh, Melvin.
You poor thing.
Can you believe that?
I just hope she didn't
kill my poor Helga.
- Come on!
- Curtis: Please, please!
Don't go.
Now, this is all a big mistake.
I'm sure we can explain
the whole thing.
(Curtis stutters)
- What a waste of time!
- And a waste of film.
Lucille! Lucille!
What happened?
I don't know,
my energizer must have been
too much for the plant,
the poor thing
just grew itself to death.
Well, looks like we're not
gonna be filthy rich.
No, and I'm not gonna be
a fertilizer tycoon.
I'm just going to be
a small businessman,
with a small store.
That doesn't matter, Grandpa.
Oh, you don't understand, Kevin.
Yes, I do.
Grandma said there's nothing wrong
with being small
as long as you're the best
that you can be.
Oh, honey,
I, uh,
I was talking about you.
Can't it work for hardware stores?
Well... why not?
What do you say, Curtis?
- Well, I--
- Ah, come on, Curtis.
If we can't make it bigger,
let's make it better.
Lucille, I'm with you.
Attaboy!
Attaboy!
(chuckles)
I propose a Gigantagrow toast.
- Oh?
- Yes.
- Kevin: All right!
- We all have a bottle.
- There we are. Yes, sir.
- Ah, well.
-Dad?
-Okay, okay.
Yes, sir, get ready now.
No we touch-- skål--
-Skåll!
-Skål!
To M&B Hardware, the biggest little
hardware store in Pasadena.
Yeah!
(all exclaiming)
(music playing)
(theme song plays)