Life with Lucy (1986): Season 1, Episode 10 - Lucy and Curtis Are Up a Tree - full transcript

(theme music playing)

♪ Every day I'm better
than I ever was before ♪

♪ Every day I'm loving,
living more and more ♪

♪ Every day holds keys
to possibilities galore ♪

♪ Every day is better than before ♪

♪ How you feel depends on who you are ♪

♪ Who you are depends on what you do ♪

♪ What you do is mostly up to you ♪

♪ It's true ♪

I You can make a better you I

♪ Every day is a new world
that I'm eager to explore ♪



♪ Every day opportunity
knocks at my door ♪

♪ Every day I'm loving,
living more and more and more ♪

♪ And every day is better than ♪

♪ Keep on saying, "Yes, I can" ♪

♪ And every day is better than before ♪

Man on TV: And now for the conclusion
of today's episode

of "Mystery Matinee"...

(telephone rings on TV)

Woman on TV: Oh, hello, Martha.

Yeah, this is Ramona.

What do you mean the Suburban Strangler
has been spotted in my neighborhood?

And he only murders girls
whose names start with “R“?

(glass shatters on TV)

What- what was that?!



(heavy footsteps on TV)

Somebody's coming!

(footsteps continue)

Oh, no!

It's you;!

I can't believe it!

Go away!

Go away!

Martha, can you hear me?

If anything happens to me,

the name of the strangler is-

-(TV shuts off)
- No!

(Lucy screaming)

Oh, you scared me to death.

Why'd you turn it off?
Don't you want to know who killed Ramona?

No, I don't wanna know
until the summer reruns.

Besides, my three miles were up.

Mom, Grandpa and I need more lemonade.

Well, there's some in
the refrigerator, Kevin.

Building a treehouse is hard work.

How's it coming?

Great. It sure makes a man thirsty.

Hey, Mom!

Look what Grandma bought me.

Margo: Ooh, that's cute, Becky.

That's the third outfit
you bought for her this week.

The fourth.

So bought me a pink velvet
party dress, too.

Yeah, go put it on and show your mama.

Oh, yes!

I must change.

My boyfriend is picking me up in his limo
to take me out to dinner.

(Lucy laughs)

Margo: Wait a minute.

Who said you could have chocolate
doughnuts this close to dinner?

Grandpa.

Lucy: Yeah, that Curtis,
he has no idea of nutrition.

I cannot get him to stop
giving the kids junk food.

Well, now Kevin won't eat
a bite of dinner.

Oh, what a shame.

And I made tofu with cabbage loaf supreme.

I'm gonna get cleaned up.

- I'll take this up for you.
- Thank you.

I'll see you guys next weekend.

(laughs)

Honey, you should've been there.

We beat the faculty 5-4.

I pitched the game of my life.

I got two triples and a single

and slid into home for the winning run.

Big deal.

Obviously not a baseball fan.

Okay, what's the problem?

- My dad or your mother?
- It's both.

Our parents are spoiling
our children rotten.

Oh, that again.

I thought you were going to have
a talk with your mother?

Oh, I did. Last week.

I said, "Mom, you're spoiling the kids."

She said,
"That's why grandmas were born."

Funny, Dad said that's why
grandpas were born.

Oh, what are we gonna do?

Well, they haven't lived
with the kids very long.

Maybe the novelty will wear off.

Testing... testing.

Testing.

Tes-- testing

This is Groovy Grandpa.

Do you read me?

Kevin: Hello?

I can read you.

This is Little Dude.

Ah, well, I'm on my way to the kitchen

to pick up more doughnuts.

Groovy Grandpa over and out.

(laughs) I bought these
so we could talk back and forth

when Kevin's playing in his treehouse.

About the doughnuts--
dinner's almost ready.

Oh, well, Kevin and I will skip dinner.

The backyard reeks with the aroma
of tofu and cabbage.

(groans)

Now for your bedtime story.

Once upon a time,

in the land faraway,

there was a king,

and he had a handsome son
who was a prince.

And there was also a very wicked witch

who was so bad
that the king banished her

to a dark forest.

And she didn't like it much.

She said... (cackles)

"I hate this place." (cackles)

"You call this a forest?" (cackles)

One day the prince took a walk
in the forest.

And the witch said to herself...

(cackles)

"I'll teach that king a lesson.

I'll turn the prince into a frog."

And the prince said...

(English accent)
"Oh, hello.

You must be the wicked witch."

(normal voice) And the witch said,

"You got it, buster."

(cackles)

"Sniggily, sniggily, snaggily, snog,

I'm turning you into a frog."

And the prince said...

(English accent) "Just a moment.

You can't just turn anybody into a--"

(mimics frog creaking)

(normal voice)
And the witch said...

(cackles)

"Am I wicked or not?"

And the poor prince
hopped along the path.

(mimics frog creaking)

He was very sad.

And then he saw a beautiful young girl
skipping along the path.

Tra-la-la. Tra-la-la. Tra-la-la.

Tra-la-la. And the frog said...
(mimics frog creaking)

(English accent)
"Hello, hello, beautiful girl."

(normal voice)
And the girl said,

(English accent)
"Well, a talking frog."

(normal voice) And the frog said...

(English accent)
"I haven't always been a frog.

If a beautiful girl will kiss me,

I'll turn back into a prince."

(normal voice)
And the girl said, "Oh, that old line."

But she kissed him anyway.

And the frog said...
(mimics frog creaking)

(English accent)
"Oh! Oh, thanks ever so."

(normal voice)
And the wicked witch said,

"Curses! Foiled again!"

(cackles)

And the prince and the beautiful girl
went back to the kingdom.

And the prince had a tendency
to eat flies, but nobody cared.

Good night, darling.

- Good night, Grandma.
- Sleep well.

(cackles)

Okay.

Ready for your bedtime story?

No thanks, Mom.

Well, how come?

I already had two stories.

One from Grandpa and one from Grandma.

Well, why didn't you tell Grandma
you already had a story?

I didn't want to spoil her fun.
She gets such a kick out of it.

Well, then I'll just rub your back.

Or have you had two of those, too?

My middle back is raw.

Okay.

Well, you haven't had
too many kisses, have you?

- Heck no.
- Good.

- Good night, love.
- Good night.

Mom, look what Grandma bought me.

She was saving them for my birthday,

but she said she just couldn't wait.

She got me this.

She didn't want to make me feel left out.

Eh, good old Grandma.

- Good night, hon.
- Good night, Mom.

- Good night, Mom.
- Uh, not too late now.

Would you like me to read you a story?

Oh, give me a break.

- Ted, we have to talk.
- In a minute, honey.

-Now!
-Ow!

Well, I'm sorry, but our parents
are starting to bug me.

It's bracelets and toy cars and backrubs

and stories and trips to Disneyland.

Honey, for crying out loud, calm down.

Well, every day is Christmas.

I keep thinking I hear reindeer
on the roof.

Now, I wouldn't be surprised
to see your mother

come down the chimney in a red suit.

Yeah, with your father
right behind her as the head elf.

Oh, I'm afraid the kids
are gonna grow up so spoiled

they won't have any values.

Yeah, well,
I'd like to buy Becky nice clothes,

but I can't afford to.

Sometimes your mother
makes me feel like a wimp.

Well, did your father ask me
if I wanted Kevin to have a treehouse?

No.

But before I know it, the fat elf is up
there tap tapping with his little hammer.

Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.

Now just a minute.

My fat elf-- my father...

my father may do a little spoiling,

but he can't compare
to the red-haired horn of plenty.

(gasps)

May I remind you that
my mother was here first.

May I remind you
that my father only moved in

because your mother couldn't be trusted
with the children.

Ipso facto he had no choice.

Oh, ever since you started law school

you've been dying
to ipso somebody's facto.

There you go, there you go.

See, you sound like you resent my going
to law school to try and better myself.

(sarcastically)
Oh, "better myself."

You've become so pompous you're beginning
to sound more like your father every day.

Oh, well, you're beginning to act
like your mother.

(gasps) You take that back!

(groans, crying)

Margo...

oh, Margo!

Ouch!

(music playing)

Hi, Curtis.

Hi, Curtis.

- Hi.
-(screams) Oh, my--

Oh, you scared the living
daylights out of me.

Oh, you didn't do much for me either.

- Oh...
- Oh.

- What are you doing up here?
- I want to talk to you.

Oh, couldn't it wait?

After all, all week long we work
together in the hardware store.

We live under the same roof.

On Sunday morning,

I would like a few Lucy-free minutes.

- Well, really?
- Yeah.

Well, since you're here,
make yourself useful.

Will you just tap that down
for me, please?

- No! I need to talk to you.
- Staple it along--

Well, can't you talk and work
at the same time?

I'm trying to get this thing finished.
I think it's going to rain.

- We have a very serious problem.
- Huh?

Last night I went down to the kitchen
to get a glass of goat milk.

Oh, well, that's your problem, not mine.

I'm trying to tell you
that I overheard Ted and Margo.

They were having a big fight.

Ted and Margo never fight.

- Well, they're fighting now.
- Oh.

She was crying last night

and they weren't speaking
to each other this morning.

By the way, where were you?
I didn't see you at breakfast.

Oh, you bet your sweet blender
you didn't.

I fixed waffles

with sunflower seeds and walnuts.

Now, doesn't that sound delicious?

Only if you're a desperate chipmunk.

(mutters)

(humming)

Uh-oh.

What...

what were Ted and Margo fighting about?

- Us.
- Us?! What--

Lucille, can't you watch
what you're doing?

Oh, I'm sorry, but I'm upset.

And we've got bigger problems
than this silly apron.

Oh, well, why should Ted and Margo
fight about us?

Because according to them,
we're spoiling our grandchildren.

Nonsense.

Oh, you, maybe, but not me.

Both of us.

We keep buying them presents and...

You know what we're really doing?

We're competing for the children's love.

Uh-oh.

You've been watching Phil Donohue again.

Never mind. Curtis, sit down.

- Oh, but I--
- Sit down

We have got to find some way
to deal with this problem.

Well, it's quite simple.

We'll stop spoiling them.

(sighs) Well, I'm afraid
one of us should move out.

- That drastic?
- Yes.

So, I hope you can get
your old apartment back.

Why don't you move out?

I was here first.

Two measly days.

Two whole days.

I have grandmas' squatters rights.

Oh, oh, oh, I'm not buying that.

Okay, then.

How are we gonna decide who moves out?

- Figure that one out.
- I don't know. I don't know.

Hey, I know.

- I know.
- Huh?

We'll cut cards.

With a deck of animal cards?

Now that is ridiculous.

No, it'll work.

High card stays.

Okay.

(chuckles) Nine of muskrat.

Ace of bunnies.

(laughs)

When are you moving out, Lucille?

Wait a minute, wait a minute,
aren't muskrats trump?

Oh...

Oh, you're right. This is ridiculous.

- No way.
- Well, how are we going to decide?

I don't know.
We are both causing lots of trouble.

Maybe both of us should move out.

Curtis: I hate to admit it,
but that seems to be the only solution.

- Yeah, I guess so.
- Yeah.

- Hi.
- Oh, hi, sweetheart.

-(Curtis chuckles)
- Lucy: Hi.

Grandpa, I wanna tell ya,
these really work.

Uh, they do?

I can hear you two talking
way up in my room.

Oh... oh, you heard us
on the walkie-talkies, huh?

- Loud and clear.
- Yeah, well...

I don't think anybody should move out.

Well, you see, Kevin,
we don't really want to move out.

- Then don't do it.
- Well, it's just not that simple.

No, we may have to.

Well, okay, then.

Well, boy, there are no secrets
in this house.

(chuckles)

All right, it's decided.
We're both moving out.

Now, who moves out first?

Lucille, we are moving out together.

-(ladder clattering)
.l..

- What are you doing with the ladder?
- What's that?

Lucy: What are you doing
with the ladder, Kevin?

- Kevin!
- Kevin: You leave me no choice!

I moved the ladder
until you change your minds.

- Kevin!
- Kevin, you come back here, young man!

- Kev-- Kev--
- Kevin!

Kevin, you put that ladder
back right now!

Kevin, you are in big trouble, young man!

- You--
- Kevin McGibbon, you come back here!

Honey...

Were you speaking to me?

Well, you are the only "honey" I've got.

Would you come over here, please?

- I hate fighting with you.
- I hate fighting with you.

You know, I really like your father.

I can top that.

I really like your mother.

But they are spoiling our children.

Well, I guess we'll just have to
keep talking to them about it.

Yeah, but until they start listening,
how are we gonna stop fighting?

Do you remember
when we were first married?

We promised that whenever we got angry,
first we would say to ourselves,

"I love this person."

And then we would say
what was on our minds.

I remember.

Well, this morning I forgot.

But I'd like to say it now.

I love this person.

And I love this person.

Does this mean they're speaking
to each other again?

This might be a good time
to hit them up for more allowance.

Uh, no, it isn't.

But I'll tell you what,

I'm gonna take everybody to Griffith Park
for a ride on the merry-go-round.

(cheering)

I get the white horse.

No, I get the white horse.

- No, me!
- Me!

- They sure are silly, aren't they?
- Yeah, aren't they?

Everyone knows I get the white horse.

Oh, boy, we must've been up here
for over an hour.

Where can the family be?

Well, after the way we fouled up,

they might've moved to another town
without telling us.

Kevin!

Margo!

Ted!

Becky?

Anybody?!

I think we're the only two people
left on Earth.

Oh, what a revolting thought.

I just wonder if we're going to be stuck
up in this tree the rest of our lives.

Me Tarzan. You Jane.

(blows raspberry)

Me Jane, maybe.
You Tarzan-- no way.

(rain pattering)

It's raining.

Oh, maybe that's why I'm getting wet.

Oh, good heavens.

Oh, dear.

Oh, oh, Curtis.

Oh, you know,

it's a shame all of us
living together didn't work out.

What a golden opportunity.

- We saw Ted and Margo every day.
- Right.

And we had our grandchildren right where
we could get our hands on them.

Which we did all the time.

- Yeah.
- We were terrible.

- Yeah, we were awful.
- Yes.

We failed as grandparents. We blew it!

(crying)

No, no, no. There's no need to cry.

- Yes, there is.
- No.

We'll see Kevin and Becky
from time to time.

- No, we won't.
- Yes, we will.

Oh, we'll see them on birthdays.

- And at Christmastime.
- Big deal.

If you will hold your gifts
down to a minimum.

Just a small, little gift.

Oh, you're right.

I have to accept it.

Que sera sera.

I never have known what that meant.

It means, "whatever will be, will be."

Oh, Lucille, I'm disappointed in you.

Why?

You were never one to let
"whatever will be"... be.

Well...

So, why can't we stop
spoiling the children?

Maybe we can change.

Yeah.

- Besides, kids need their grandparents.
- Right, right.

To give them a sense of security.

It's a sacred trust.

Well, let's not get carried away.

All right, then it's settled.

- We'll stay and behave ourselves.
- Agreed.

- Agreed.
- Margo: Mom!

- Curtis!
- Both: Margo!

- Oh, no! Boy, am I glad to see you!
- Margo, where have you been?!

- Are you all right?
- Oh, yes, we're all right.

- But where have you all been?
- We were at the park.

- What are you doing at the park?
- Well...

- Grandma, are you all right?
- Hi, Dad.

- Lucy: Yeah, a little damp.
- Curtis: Where in the world

-have you all been?
- At the park.

And Kevin remembered he moved the ladder.

Yeah, I don't know how you could forget
something that important, Kevin.

My memory is slipping.

I must be getting old.

(laughs)

Kevin told us what he heard.

Honey...

- Grandma?
- Yes, dear.

I'm sorry, but I didn't want you
to move out.

Oh, you did a good thing.

We talked it over and we're staying.

(cheering)

I am so happy I've got my family back.

♪ I'm singing in the rain ♪

♪ Just singing in the rain ♪

♪ What a glorious feeling ♪

♪ I'm happy again ♪

(music playing)

(theme music playing)