Life Unexpected (2010–2011): Season 1, Episode 1 - Pilot - full transcript

Wake up, it's Monday.

It's Cate and Ryan on
K-1000 morning madness.

It is 6:23, and if you are
just waking up.screw you

Ryan and I, we have been up since 5:00.

Yeah, and as usual, arguing since 6:00.

If you're just tuning
in to morning madness,

Cate and I are in the
middle of a rousing game

of "sex, marry, kill."

I just did the Jessicas-sex Biel,

Marry Alba,

and definitely kill Simpson.



Oh, um, you forgot Jessica Rabbit

and baby Jessica.

See, now, Cate is telling me

that sh... she doesn't want to play

because doesn't believe in marriage.

Screw marriage.

I like the sex and kill part better.

Somewhere in Portland, Cate's boyfriend

just breathed a huge sigh of relief.

There is no boyfriend.

We... we're just hanging out.

God.

What happened?

Nothing.



What'd he do to freak
you out this time, huh?

Did he give you a compliment?

Did he want to meet the parents?

What, what happened?

Oh, he called me...

Oh, God, "the one."

Oh, my God. Okay, well, I
hope you gave it to this guy.

I mean, I hope you did something crazy

or even slightly violent like,

like hurl a remote at his forehead.

I'm never telling you anything.

Good. Ever...

Great. Again.

I love that.

Look, Cate, all right,

it's called talk radio, okay?

You get paid to spill your guts...

Stuey!

Cate, I'm just, uh...

He did it again.

Your son seriously
puts the "ew" in Stuey.

I swear to God, Lux, the state's not
paying me enough to deal with this.

And you would think with your
last name actually being foster,

you'd be somewhat equipped

to be a foster parent.

Don't worry, in two days,
you won't have to be.

And what's that supposed to mean?

It means I'm turning 16.

I'm getting emancipated, and
I'm getting the hell out of here.

Well, don't make
promises you can't keep.

Oh... trace, you got to do this now?

Oh, I can't go running in just one shoe.

Help me look for it.

Aah, I worked till 4:00.

No, working is teaching Western civ

to hormonal teenagers.

You drunk dialed me from your job.

Well, that's a perk of
the career path, baby.

I don't think that opening
up a bar and living above it

was what your dad had in mind
when he gave you the building.

Well, my dad said to do what I love,

and I love to drink for free.

But you sleep until noon every day,

you play video games.

- Don't you ever want to grow up?
- I will.

After noon.

Uh-oh.

- Hey, give me that.
- Look what I found.

Good morning.

And we have got Linda on the line.

Hi, Linda, you there?

Yeah, I'm calling
'cause I agree with Ryan.

I really want to meet someone

and settle down

and have a mlion babies.

It jt ses impossible.

Yeah, well, you know what's impossible

is having a million babies.

Hey, Cate, you ever, uh,

you ever wonder why you're 32 years old

and don't have a maternal
bone in your body?

I mean, where's the biological clock?

Where is that desire to make more than

ramen noodles and dry toast?

I learned it really early on,

the only person you can depend on

in this world is yourself.

I mean, if you expect anything else,

you are just setting
yourself up for heartbreak.

Okay, well, on that uplifting note,

that's our show for today, people.

I'm Ryan Thomas,

alongside my clinically insane

but moderately loveable
cohost Cate Cassidy.

Clinically insane?

Moderately lovable, okay.

Why is it on every single
talk show across America,

the guy is always the calm
and stable voice of reason

and the woman is the, you know,

bitter, unlucky in love, crazy sidekick?

You know, it's... it's
kind of who you are.

Plus you threw a remote
my head last night.

No, "threw" is very strong.

I tossed it.

It was more like a hurl.

You know, I thought you
were going to catch it.

I didn't think you
were going to throw it.

Could you be any louder?

Seriously.

Calorie counting's not quiet.

Thank you very much.

So, um, uh... I'll text you.

Okay.

Yeah, there was a
bachelorette party last night,

and Jamie was supposed to be working.

Instead he ends up
with the maid of honor.

What's up with the beer guy?

He's, like, three hours early.

Jamie, what am I paying you for?

This place is trashed. So was i.

Hi.

Hi.

Uh, uh, uh, I need to get
a signature from someone.

Okay.

Probably not you. You know what?

We have all the thin mints
we need, but thank you.

- Is that the bud guy?
- It's a girl scout.

Samoas... give me two boxes.
Get trefoils. Love those.

Actually, I'm... I'm looking
for Nathaniel "Ba-zile."

"Baze-zile." Yeah, that's me.

No, wait.

You're Nathaniel... Bazile?

Are you sure?

Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

- You live in a bar.
- No, I live above a bar.

What can I, um...?

You want to take my
cookie order or what?

No. I... I'm not a girl scout.

I'm... kind of... comprised

of half your gene pool.

Huh?

I'm your daughter.

That's...

Wait, you're my what?

Your daughter.

Dude, it is not a girl scout.

It's a girl.

Okay, one more time for the cheap seats.

You and someone had a kid.

You gave up that kid.

I am that kid.

And now I'm applying for emancipation.

Okay, from, from the
people who adopted you?

From foster care.

Dude, keep up.

Okay, so I was putting together

the paperwork for my
hearing, and it turns out

that no one ever signed a
permanent release of rights.

Here.

And my caseworker was
going to take forever

to get it signed, so
when I saw your name

and address on the top
of the file, I just...

Kind of...

Okay, basically, until you
sign that piece of paper,

you're still legally... my dad.

Hey!

Oh, Nate, oh, my God,
I got to pee so badly.

Also, uh, we're having dinner

at my parents' tonight.

It's potluck, so we need
to figure out what to bring.

Mommy?

Okay, okay, you got to get out of here.

- We'll talk about this later.
- Let go of me!

Listen, Nate,

Baze, whatever you go by...

I don't want to be here
as much as you don't want

to have me here, but
my emancipation hearing

is the day after tomorrow.

If I don't get these signatures,

both signatures, then
I'm going to have to spend

another two years being bounced
around crappy foster care.

With scope-drinking moms,

and creepy dads who try to hit on me,

which, to be blunt, blows.

So if you could just sign this.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Oh, here.

And rifle through the memory banks

of teenage girls you impregnated.

That'd be great.

Okay. Great.

Um, hey, Cate Cassidy, that's your mom.

Cate with a "C, " okay? Are you good?

Are we good? Are you cool?

Wait, Cate Cassidy? That's my mom?

Yes.

- What, fr... from high school?
- Yes.

Who's Cate Cassidy?

Cate Cassidy... the one
on the radio from K-100?

Class of '94 Cate Cassidy?

- Yeah.
- Cate Cassidy was pregnant in high school?

- Yes.
- Wait, your names are Nate and Cate?

Yeah. Cate Cassidy never

would have slept with you.

She was number one in the class.

She had a perfect 4.0.

You seem to know a lot about this girl.

She despised you. You're
gross. She hated you.

Did you roofie her?

No, I didn't roofie her.

Wh... wh... who roofies people?

She wasn't even your type.

If she was anyone's type...

Aw, who, math? Was she your type?

Because you were 300
pounds in high school.

Your type was anyone

who you didn't
accidentally eat for lunch.

Who is Cate Cassidy?

Hahey.

Why are you hiding

a teenager behind your back?

Um...

You are not giving your
yearbook to goodwill.

I'm thinking my clothes
are multiplying at night,

but I think I've got everything now.

I... I got a good one here.

"Sex, marry, kill, " circa 1993.

Okay.

- Mr. Naracci from sex ed...
- Okay.

The president of the chess club...

or this guy here

that you have completely defaced.

- This Nathaniel...
- Oh, Ryan, no.

Ryan, seriously. Give it to me!

Goodwill does not want your yearbook.

I know you're trying
to block me, but I...

Thank you.

Okay, go.

Oh, my God, is that a bowl cut?

- It's not a bowl cut.
- It's a bowl cut.

No, it isn't. I asked
for Mary Stuart Masterson.

The woman just heard Dorothy Hamill.

- Sure. It's a bowl cut.
- It's not a bowl cut.

Oh, this.

Cate...

All right, Ryan, what are you doing?

Come on, seriously, what are you doing?

Will you marry me?

Ryan!

What is wrong with you?

What is wrong with you?!

You don't do that.

You don't just sneak up on
somebody and propose to them

while they're holding a ski.

Oh, yeah, well, you know,

I tried to do it last night, remember?

The one? Candlelight dinner?

A gigantic remote hurtling
towards my forehead.

This is going well.

Tracey, this is...

- Lux.
- Lux, right.

Gee, I knew that. I'm sorry.

Like a band-aid, just rip it off.

Go.

Okay, it was high school.

It was 15 years ago. It
was a one-night thing.

And I didn't even know

she had the kid.

And I always assumed
that this girl Cate...

you know, like, took care of it.

"Took care of it"?

- That's an ugly choice of words. I'm sorry.
- Yeah.

This... is your...?

Yeah.

My daughter.

Look, you two are clearly

having a moment, and if you could just

give me Cate's number,
and, uh, then I will, uh,

get out of your...
obviously thinning hair.

Please?

Whoa.

My hair's not... my
hair's not thinning, is it?

Just a little.

No. Nate, focus!

What? What? Tracey, what
do you want me to do?

Do you want me to call
Cate out of the blue

and say I'm with the daughter
that I never knew she had?

Sure.

- It's an idea.
- Yeah.

We've been together for two years!

We haven't even lived together yet.

You don't really know me.

Oh, yeah.

I don't floss.

And I wear these... these,
like, little footy pajamas

and a mouth guard at night
when you're not around.

Did you know that?
Actually, you know what?

I do know that, Cate.

You know, I... I know

you hate toes.

You hate toes! You do.

The word "moist."

Buying ingredients.

And that you never get

your hopes up so that you
never get disappointed.

And I get it.

And I love you.

I love how you hum

when you chew.

I love that you think it's weird that

Kansas and Colorado touch.

I-i love that you're
the only adult I know

that still eats cookie
crisps for breakfast.

The only thing I don't
know is what happened to you

to make you this screwed up!

And this is not the
speech I had prepared.

Wow, that was the sweetest thing that...

Anybody has ever yelled at me before.

All right, go ahead,
do it, you can propose.

Forget it.

- Oh, Ryan! Ryan, but you said you wanted to propose.
- I'm not doing it.

- I already did. No!
- But I think you should try it again.

No, it's done. That's it.

- I'm not doing it again. Cate!
- Please just try it once.

Please? All right.

I'm ready.

One last time.

Cate?

Yes?

Will you marry me?

Yes, I will.

- Just give me the finger.
- Okay.

Mm.

Hi. It's Cate.

Leave me a message.

Hi, Cate.

Um, it's, uh, it's Nate
Bazile from Westmonte,

and I need you to call me back

when you can...

Hello?

Uh, hi. Cate?

Cate... it's Nate Bazile,

and, um...

we kind of, uh, did it that time,

and I need t...

Hello?

Hello?

Hey, she hung up.

Who was that?

It was a wrong number.

She's obviously not gonna call you back.

So y... you're just gonna give up?

No,

I'm not giving up, I'm just, you know,

I'm chilling out.

I think better that way.

Tell that to your
fast-diminishing brain cells.

What are you...

I'm just chillin' out.

- I think better that way.
- Yeah, I know.

If you want to chill,

you do what normal teenagers do, okay?

You text your friends,

you post inappropriate
pictures of yourself on MySpace,

- go watch Youtube.
- I don't want

to watch Youtube.

I hate Youtube.

See, this is exactly why
I want to get emancipated.

That way, I'll never have

to rely on incompetent grownups

for anything ever again.

But have you seen the
one with that lion?

Christian? It makes me cry

- every time.
- Ugh! Dude!

Man up.

You got to stop with this lion.

Two Australians purchased

a lion cub

from harrod's department store.

They raised the cub like a puppy,

and eventually it got so big,
they set it free in Africa.

They came back a year later,

and it recognized them.

Dude, what is wrong with you?

How did he recognize
them after all that time?

That's ridiculous. Yeah.

All right.

Let's...

Watch "dramatic look" again.

With the gopher? Yeah.

Yeah, I think it's a hamster.

"Panda sneeze."

Have you seen that one?

So good.

I thought you hated Youtube.

Maybe "hate" was a little strong.

What?

Do you think we look alike?

I mean, I see a resemblance

in the eyes, the nose.

Mm?

No? Mm-mm.

No? Me, neither.

If these Australians
can find their lion,

we can find

our Cate.

Okay, it's, uh,

7:53, and we're talking

high school nicknames, people.

Hosette.

Oh, right, right. Cosette, yeah.

Sorry about that. Uh,
thanks for calling in,

and try and stay out of those
janitor's classes, will you?

Uh, we have got...

Lux on the line.

Uh,

Lux, are you there?

What was your high school nickname?

Lux?

Hello. You there?

Cate?

Cate? Wow, all right.

So you've gone through
some... some changes.

Uh, it's Baze,

from high school.

- I actually really need to talk to you right now.
- High school?!

Wait a minute! You went to high school

with Cate?

Okay, maybe he can shed

some light on your teen years.

No, Ryan, there will
be no shedding of light.

Oh, there's gonna be plenty

of shedding of light.

Wait-wait, so, Baze, Baze, Baze,

when, uh, when's the last time

you saw her... smoking cloves

behind the dumpster?

Was she campaigning

against the patriarchy

that is senior prom?

Ryan! Let's not talk
about high school, okay?

Everybody knows that
I hated high school...

What are you talking about?

Who hates high school,
Cate? What'd you have,

- like, a pizza face or something?
- No!

- Like, an unrequited love affair with a driver's Ed teacher?
- Brian, will you...

- Brian, stop!
- Or were you one of those girls that

got knocked up on prom night?

D... did you get
knocked up on prom night?

More like were formal.

Oh, Baze...

Okay, Cate, I really need

to talk to you outside
in the parking lot.

What?! What is the matter with you?

Okay, calm down.

Calm down? Is that how you
get someone to calm down...

by calling them and
humiliating them in public?

I called you last
night; you hung up on me.

Oh, my God, you haven't changed a bit.

Except your hairline.

Why does everybody keep

talking about my hair? What?

What is so important
that you couldn't wait

until after I was off the air? Cate,

meet Lux...

Our daughter.

Hi.

Can't believe you here

how did you find me?

I mean, I'm so glad
that you did, I just...

The last time I saw you, you were

just so tiny, and now...

N... now you're so
big, I... no, I mean...

You're not big big.

You're proportional big.

Are you okay?

Are you good?

Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine.

You know, uh, proportional.

And you have blonde hair.

She has something for you to sign.

What?

Oh. Uh, yeah.

I... I...

I need signature

I can't get emancipated without this.

I'm sorry, what? Emancipated from what?

Your parents?

From the foster care system,
she's never been adopted.

It's a long

and pretty boring
story, so if you'll just,

uh, sign right there.

Okay.

Thanks.

Thank you.

That's it?

Do you, um... do you need anything?

No, that should pretty much do it.

I just got to get this

to social services.

I can take you.

Don't you have a radio
show you got to finish?

Yeah, I do.

But, oh, um, Ryan's in there,

so I can take you if...

I can do that.

Well, I can, too,

if...

Well, if you're sure you can?

I can.

All right, then.

You wouldn't mind.

No, no, of course not, you know?

I've got stuff I got to do.

Okay.

Well...

Thanks.

Yeah, of course.

Of course. Hey,

we never got around to
watching "Panda sneeze,"

so you know where I live if you want

- to stop by anytime.
- Okay.

Bye.

A-are you sure you're
not gonna get in trouble

for leaving the show?

No, it's fine. It's actually perfect.

Yeah, it's gonna make it a lot harder

for Ryan to ask for the
ring back this way, so...

Wait, Ryan?

That's who you're dating?

You guys are getting married?

I... I love you guys!

Red light.

Red light!

So, um...

you listen to the show?

Yeah. Yeah.

Every morning.

Well, except for when
I lived in Salem...

I didn't get the station.

It's literally the reason

I asked for a new placement. Well, that

and my foster parents
were, like, dealing drugs.

Prescription.

I'm sorry, I'm just still

a little bit confused.

The social worker said that

she was gonna have no
problem placing you,

that there were these waiting lists.

Well, I...

I don't know if you knew this, but...

I was born with this heart thing.

A hole.

I had to have a bunch of surgeries.

A baby on the operating table
isn't exactly a selling point

to prospective parents.

I was fine, but after
everything, I was almost three,

and most people, they... want a baby.

I mean, not everyone, obviously.

No, obviously.

Look, I just want to be
clear. I just want to be clear.

It wasn't that, it wasn't
that I didn't want a baby.

It's just that,

I was your age.

You know, I should really get this

to my caseworker before school.

But wouldn't you
rather hold out and wait

to see if somebody's gonna adopt you,

if there was a chance of that?

No one's gonna take me

unless I have a
government check attached.

No one wanted
three-year-olds.

How many people do you
think want teenagers?

No, you're right, I probably don't know

- what I'm talking about.
- Yeah.

It's... it's just that at 15,

I thought I knew everything, also.

Almost 16.

There's probably a lot of things
that you haven't considered,

like... do you know where you're gonna

go to school or even live?

Have... I mean,

how are you gonna make any money?

No offense, but I haven't
had a mom in 15 years.

I don't need one now.

Welcome to the K-100
singles booze cruise.

With your hosts Cate
Cassidy and Ryan Thomas

from morning madness.

Sorry I'm late.

Hey, where you been?

Um, I had to get dramamine.

I hate boats.

No, I... I mean all day. Have you been

- getting my messages?
- Uh, oh, yeah, I did, I did.

I was just avoiding you.

Okay.

Uh, excuse us, please.

Hmm, what are you doing?

We need to talk.

Hey, let's not talk.

Let's just not do that.

Let's just banter for a little while.

What do you think?

Cate, come on. Hey, how are you?

Please, I know, I should've mentioned

the whole "pregnant class
president" chapter of my life

before the "not flossing" part,

but, you know.

It's like I said, there's a
lot about me you don't know.

In the past 36 hours, mm-hmm.

You have violently attacked
me with the remote, okay,

you have mocked my marriage proposal,

and then you had a kid that
you never even mentioned

just turn up out of nowhere.

If this makes you, you know,

not want to marry me, that's okay.

I didn't say I didn't
want to marry you, okay?

I just want you to be honest with me.

I mean, is that too much to ask?

You want me to be honest?

This is who I am.

This is it.

I mean, you can ask

anybody in that line,
and they can tell you

that I am your bitter
unlucky-in-love sidekick

that, you know, got knocked up at 16.

I don't trust people.

I don't want to commit.

This is why I didn't want you

to give this to me in
the first place. Here.

Right.

Because this is what you do.

You push people away.

Me, your daughter.

You know, if you want to end this, Cate,

that is your choice, okay?

If you would rather yell
at some guy from high school

for being unaccountable, then
look yourself in the mirror.

I can't fix it with her!

I can't make it right.

She walked away from me.

I don't know what you want me to do.

I don't know, Cate.

I don't know.

But you probably should've
done a little more than...

Whatever it is you just did.

I see you turn 16 tomorrow.

Yes, and I'll be

old enough to get emancipated,

I can get my GED, get a job.

And is this your caseworker here?

I am, Your Honor.

I've only been with Lux

a few months.

She tends to change hands often.

What are you doing here?

Well, I see that seven
different foster homes.

Well, that's... that's
not really my fault.

And whose is it?

Surely you're not saying it's

the seven different families
who tried to take you in.

No.

I mean, I wanted a good home.

The state of Oregon just
hasn't provided me with one.

So you have no permanent
place of residence as of today?

Well, as soon as my petition is granted,

there's a studio not far from my school.

You're going to afford an apartment?

What income?

I have $3,000 in the bank.

Well, who's going to cosign
your rental agreement?

The whole point of getting emancipated

is that I won't need it cosigned.

No landlord is going
to rent to a minor...

I'll cosign, Your Honor.

Ah, come on.

You gave her a ride, let me

- sign the thing.
- I'm sorry,

who are you people?

Uh, they're, um...

my birth parents.

Yeah, Lux and I,

we go way back, Your Honor.

To when, yesterday?

Hey, we bonded.

Oh.

Let me see that file, please.

Over what? Hmm? A panda sneezing?

You want to bond, try being
attached by an umbilical cord.

You know, like she
remembers any of that.

Uh, no, 'cause if she
did, she'd remember

- what a jerk you were.
- Oh, I'm sorry.

Forgive me that I had
some dreams and some goals

- that I wanted to accomplish.
- What goals?

To, what, own a loser
bar with some stupid name?

Did you Google me?

Sir.

You own your own
business, is that correct?

Yes, your honor.

And you're a radio talk jockey?

No criminal record, each in possession

of a working vehicle.

I'm sorry, wh... what is going on?

Okay.

I'm going to be very straight with you.

I am not

granting you emancipation.

You have no income.

You have no permanent residence.

You filed a fee waiver in
order to cover your court costs.

Now,

Catherine Cassidy and Nathaniel Bazile

are still legally your parents.

Uh, actually they're not.

I... I had that paper signed.

Those signatures were

neither witnessed nor notarized.

So, unless anye here has

an objection, I'm releasing
you back into their temporary

joint custody.

This case is dismissed.

Well, that was the opposite
of getting emancipated.

You know, thiss your fault.

My fault?

Yeah, if you hadn't jped up,

if you just let me signhe thing.

Do you reallywant to go there?

Because if you had if you just
let me just used a condom thing.

That had been in your wallet

for two years, then...

That's not the point,
that's not the poi.

The point is that, um,

we need to figure out
what it is we're gonna do.

Like the living situation, for example.

Okay, look, it took me two months

to convince the guys to get

a new Ikea futon; I think a 15-year old

probably gonna take
little more arm-twisting.

Almost 16. You're unbelievable.

Ah, excuse us. Yeah.

I'm sorry, which one of us

has beening to help
Lux from the beginning?

Yeah, you have been so helpful!

Like that time you
denied we slept togetr.

That was so awesome.

You're pretty indignant for someone

- a kid out there.
- Why would I?

You wouldn't even admit thathe existed.

My God, Cate.

What did you want me to
do, propose, marry you?

Because the last time I
saw you, you didn't exactly

- want a kid either!
- Yes, I did not want

a lot of things when I was 16. Okay?

I didn't want to take calculus,

i didn't want to wear a retainer,

and I did not want to have a thing

for some-some meathead
quarterback that...

Me, meathead quarterback?

Because the back of

my mom's minivan, I always thought

that was some kind of fluke.

Yes, it was a fluke.

I was just, um, a sucker, you know,

- for wood paneling and multiple couple holders.
- Yeah?

Well, then why are you so upset

because this is what you do.

You upset me.

Get over it!

I am, and I'm still in it.

He let you down.

Like you've never let
anyone down before?

I mean, did you ever

even consider keeping me?

No.

Seriously. I'm going back to fostercare.

You can't be parents.

You both need parents.

Wait, Lux, wait...

Lux!

No, just let me go, okay?

You did it once,

it shouldn't be that
hard to do it again.

Okay. What are we gonna do?

You mean, besides,

keep stalking her caseworker
to get a phone number?

I don't know.

But you got to stop

blaming yourself, you know.

It was pretty much a joint effort.

I told her that I never even
thought about keeping her.

God, I should've lied.

Well, you know, ther was other stuff.

It wasn't just that.

It could've be all of the fighting

and the blaming and...

Finding out her mother got deflowered

in the back of a caravan.

Wait, deflowered?

Wait a minute.

Your first time was
after the winter formal?

It, uh, it was technically during.

'Cause if I remember
correctly, your date got

medevacked away pretty quickly.

Well, yeah, stomach pumping's
a big turnoff, so... well...

Yeah.

So, okay.

How did we end up in the back

of my mom's minivan?

You lured me in.

With zima.

And the spin doctors.

See, I thought it was

my mad skills and my rocking tape deck.

Oh, your skills. Really?

Didn't evemake it
through " two princes."

Touché!

Hey, listen, Cate.

I'm sorry.

Oh, come on, it's fine.

That song, it's, like, five minutesong.

So... no, no.

Not for that.

I mean, I should be.

But, um... back then...

back then, I was in over my head.

And I was afraid that I
was gonna mess up my life.

We can't all bl

and as talented and as
beautiful as you are.

You knowsome of us peak ihigh school.

She has your eyes.

Lux.

I always really liked your eyes.

My shoes! I want to take my shoes off!

But just be careful. My
dress is really expensive.

Yeah, where's the zipper?

From the back.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God. Tell me this didn't happen.

Oh, it happened. Twice.

Wait.

You're on the pill, right?

Really?

Yeah.

Okay, well, whatever did happen,

it was... it was a fluke.

Just like the minivan.

Yeah, yeah, exactly like the minivan.

What is the big deal?
You got a boyfriend?

No, I don't got a boyfriend.

I had a fiancé.

Well, I have a girlfriend.

At least I did. She won't
return my calls, so...

We're kind of in the same boat.

Yeah, our boats could not
be any farther apart, okay?

Ryan and i? We broke up.

We broke up. We are not together.

I'm not a cheater.

I am not you.

This? This never happened!

You're not really a
morning person, are you?

Cate?

Oh, my God. You're here.

What are you doing here?

Don't you people learn?

Have you been out here all night?

I'm, I'm waiting for Baze to wake up.

Guess I should've waited
until after the hearing

to tell my foster mom to suck it.

Is it really that bad?

Worse.

But, uh, hey,

you know, thanks for
coming to the hearing.

That was nice...

Till it all went horrifically wrong.

I am so sorry that you have
had to go through any of this.

- It's not your fault.
- Yeah, it is.

Look, I know that I should
have been there for you.

I mean, now I know that nobody else was.

No, Cate.

You don't realize. You were there.

On the radio.

When everything else in
my life kept changing,

I could... I could cot on you.

Every day.

You know, people are just...

they're so scared to
just tell the truth.

Instead, it's like, "don't worry,

it'll all work out."

"You'll have a family someday."

But you?

You just put it all out there.

You say the truth.

All right, so can I do that?

I mean, can I tell you the
truth without you getting mad

or doing the whole, you know,

snarky, sarcastic thing
that runs in our family?

Okay.

Don't worry.

It's going to work out.

You are going to have a family someday.

You don't know that.

Yeah, I do.

Wow. You look overdressed.

All right. Okay. So, you're right.

I am a mess.

Look, I don't know what I need.

I don't know if it's...

You know, professional help

or... or horse tranquilizer.

Maybe it's a frontal lobotomy.

- Cate...
- No, Ryan.

Ryan, please, I just...

Okay, look.

I don't want to push
people away anymore.

I don't want to sabotage
and screw this up.

I just want to act like an adult.

Somebody that is actually worthy of you.

And Lux.

I'm going to do it, Ryan.

I'm going to take care of her.

And I'm really hoping that
you are going to help me.

What exactly are you proposing?

And now, live from beautiful
downtown Portland, your hosts...

Marry me.

You guys! You're on!

Hi. Good morning,
Portland. How are we doing?

Um, it is, uh, 6:00 a.m. on Thursday
morning. I'm Cate Cassidy here

- with my illustrious cohost Ryan Thomas.
- Thanks, Juno.

- Who'd better never call me that again.
- Oh, my bad, Jamie Lynn.

- I bet you think you're pretty funny, don't you?
- Yes.

Yeah, well, fyi, you're not.

Cate.

Yes.

You know, this is... this is it.

This... this is home.

Yeah.

Surprise!

I mean, there's just no way we
can forget your birthday, so...

Come on.

It's just...

No one's ever really remembered.

Happy birthday, Lux.

I'm sorry. Cate wanted me to
invite some of your friends,

but I don't know who they are yet,

so I had to invite my own;
I hope that's not too lame.

It's amazing. Thank you.

Cake.

- Hey.
- Hi!

Hey!

Hi. Hi.

Hey.

All right. Um, everyone, this is...

this is Ryan, my fiancé.

Happy birthday.

Thank you.

Oh, and congratulations.

That's so cool. You
guys are getting married.

Wow, you guys are getting married?

That's... that's cool.

Congratulations.

Hey.

- You got to make a wish.
- Come on!

We got some stuff we got to do here.

Ah. Here you go.

Check it out. It's Christian the lion.

Get 'em all. Get 'em all.

You got to get that last
one, or it won't come true.

I think it already has.