Leverage (2008–2012): Season 3, Episode 12 - The King George Job - full transcript
Pieces of Sophie's past complicate a job in London where the team tries to expose an unscrupulous antiques trafficker who is using children as slave labor.
Man on P.A.:
Your attention, please.
All international arrivals
must pick up their luggage
before proceeding...
It's taken us four months
to get even this close
to one of Damien Moreau's guys.
Now we have a chance
to hit him
and get closer to Moreau.
Hardison, take us through it.
[ Beeping ]
Flight manifest
for global transit airlines 485
out of Baghdad
shows John Douglas Keller
in business class.
Now, Keller...
he moves antiquities
for our primary target,
Damien Moreau.
It shows
he has no checked luggage,
just probably a carry-on.
Y-you know what, guys?
I-I don't get this.
I-it'd be a lot easier
to intercept him
out in the terminal.
No, if this guy is as strapped
as I think he is,
he's gonna have
a gang of security
waiting outside the airport
for him,
one bodyguard on the plane.
You want to get close to him,
you do it in here.
Sounds good.
Parker?
While Eliot
distracts the bodyguard,
I'll lift
Keller's wallet and phone
and do a briefcase switch.
Hardison intercepted
an e-mail.
Hardison:
And decrypted it.
These guys use... use a variant
of Larry Duberman's algorithm.
I-it's not as easy
as baking a cake.
Nate: Moving on, yes.
So, Keller has something
valuable on this flight,
probably Iraqi antiquities.
Now, if we get him
from all sides,
one of us can grab the goods,
and then I'll put our hooks
into him.
There he is.
I've got him.
That's the bodyguard.
I'm going in.
This way, Mr. Keller.
Parker, he's got a black
briefcase, silver hardware.
Silver hardware?
All right, I'm on it.
We're right on schedule,
Mr. Keller.
[ Speaking Arabic ]
Nate.
Got him.
[ Speaking Arabic ]
Can I see?
Hi, A'Yan! Welcome!
[ Speaking Arabic ]
He hasn't talked to anyone.
He hasn't, uh, exchanged
his bag with anyone.
So whatever he's smuggling
is probably in cargo and
probably under a different name.
Just come right this way,
sweetie.
Nate:
All right, I'm out.
Here you go.
Thank you.
Hardison:
Sorry for the delay, sir.
We, uh... we've had a yellow alert issued.
Oh, no trouble at all.
Mr. Keller. What are your reasons for
visiting Boston? Business, I'm afraid.
Just a quick dinner meeting.
Then I'm off home to London.
Okay.
Can't see much of Boston
in three hours, can you?
No, more's the pity.
Anything to declare?
No, nothing at all.
No time for shopping, really...
not even duty-free.
[ Siren blaring ] Woman on P.A.
: security to customs. Code 4.
Security to customs. Code 4.
Block area.
Move it!
[ Blaring continues ]
I'm sorry. She... she... she
doesn't speak the language.
Uh, guys, we have a problem.
Uh, they're arresting
the wrong smuggler.
Keller: May I, uh...
I'd hate to miss
my appointment.
Oh, uh, yeah, yeah,
you're, uh...
you're clean.
Good to go.
Thank you.
Man:
Was that the only bag?
Woman:
That was the only bag, yes.
Come along with me.
[ speaking Arabic ]
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Where are they taking the girl?
I represent her. I have
papers from the consulate.
She has refugee status.
Please! Listen to me!
Officer: They have to
talk to her first!
Did the, uh, other girls
make it?
Yes. 10 flights
over the course of the day.
9 out of 10.
She's an acceptable loss.
[ Man speaking indistinctly
on p.A. ]
Okay, Hardison, Eliot,
I want you to tail Keller...
discreetly. No contact.
Surveillance only.
Parker, if you get an opening,
I want you to lift, uh,
Keller's cellphone and clone it.
Nothing else.
I need access to that girl.
No, no, it's too risky.
What? Hardison
has TSA badges.
For this gate only.
They just played us.
No, I'm going in.
No, you're not. No, no.
No, w-we can't have access
to one of those holding areas.
It's deep security.
We can talk to the family.
It's a start.
Let's get this
little girl home.
The rich and powerful
take what they want.
We steal it back for you.
Sometimes, bad guys
make the best good guys.
We provide...
Sophie: So, you're an
immigration advocate?
I have spent the past six years
trying to reunite
wartorn families.
I meet people off the plane
and hope the smugglers
and drug dealers
haven't gotten to them first.
But she's innocent.
Well, there must be
something you can do.
I can file paperwork.
That is all I can do.
She's sitting alone
in a holding cell,
and I don't know
what to tell her family.
She could be kept
in the system for months
without being processed.
The laws haven't caught up
with this type of crime yet.
I deal with a lot of children
seeking asylum.
These tactics are not uncommon.
A man with a gun forces
a statue or a necklace
into a kid's bag and says,
"take this onto the plane
or I'll kill you."
Nate:
And it usually works.
The TSA is looking for guns
and weapons, not statuary.
But the artifacts more than pay
for drugs and weapons.
It's...
art for blood.
Well, we will do our best
to exonerate A'Yan, all right?
Now, you just, uh, keep...
keep filing the paperwork,
cross your T's, dot your I's,
and we'll be in touch.
Thank you.
Thank you both.
If I just take Keller out,
it there another way to Moreau?
Not a fast one.
Moreau got his start smuggling
antiquities from war zones.
Statute of limitations
is way past on those crimes.
No, no, that doesn't matter.
The more experienced
a criminal becomes,
the more sophisticated he gets
at covering his tracks.
You go back
to his first crimes,
and that's where you see
the rough edges.
It's sort of like... archaeology.
Archaeology of crime.
The further back you go
in a criminal's career,
the more primitive his methods,
the more mistakes you can find
as a way in...
a lot more mistakes.
Hardison: Since Moreau
started with antiquities,
these companies
and these bank accounts
are the closest ties
to his real life.
And since he's moved up, Keller's started
running that part of the business.
And it's a cash cow.
The valuables from
the looted Iraqi museum
or an archaeological dig...
they fetch millions on
the black market in the west.
Yeah, but unlike a stolen Monet
or the Rosalind diamond,
these pieces aren't registered
or insured,
so they're impossible to track.
Man, I should've got
into that years ago.
[ Chuckles ]
Parker: Yeah.
I mean before
we went straight, of course.
So, Keller steals a statue
from a dig in Iraq
and he mules it through customs
using a little kid
and he sells it to rich
Americans for 5 million bucks.
That $5 million funds
terrorist training camps,
weapons sales.
The one thing
that's got me stumped
is that little girl's arrest
didn't break Keller's stride
at all.
I mean, he's already off
on a flight to London.
Apparently he's a-a regular
at Claridge's auction house.
Because you don't just sell
on the black market.
The real payoff, the big money,
is when you move it through
legitimate auction houses.
You fake up the papers,
you scrub off
the blood and dirt,
and you clean it up
so that all the pretty people
can show it off
in their pretty bloody houses.
[ Footsteps depart ]
[ Door opens ]
[ Door slams ]
Oh, I'm sorry.
Are you the only one that's
allowed to brood down here,
or is it an open bar?
I know what you're thinking,
but it's not the same thing.
Oh, no.
Of course it's not.
I stole from one rich man
to sell to another rich man.
No one got hurt.
That I know of.
How do I know
that innocent children
were never used
to shift my merchandise?
You want to talk
about collateral damage,
we'd be here all day.
[ chuckles ] Yeah.
"Tread lightly"?
I mean, who treads lightly?
Well, certainly not us.
Listen, Sophie, this guy Keller
is one of Moreau's
top lieutenants.
Now, if we get
emotionally overinvested
in this or any case,
we get sloppy.
We get sloppy, we lose Keller,
we lose Moreau,
we lose the whole operation.
And the Italian sends you
back to prison, or worse.
And with all that at stake,
you're prepared to give me
a lecture on being overinvested?
Listen, I know I grifted
from filthy-rich wankers
who hardly ever missed
the money,
and half the time they love the thrill
of being taken for a ride.
But this...
this whole Moreau business
has got me thinking.
Keller steals
from the rich, too,
and a little girl ends up
in detainment for it.
[ Breathes deeply ]
Do you want to go to London?
Let's go steal an auction.
[ Airplane tires screech ]
Sophie: I love Claridge's
auction house.
[ Inhales deeply ]
Even the air
feels more expensive.
So, this is where Keller
moves most of his goods.
And his calendar says
that he should be arriving here
just about now.
Hardison, are you
in their computers yet?
Accessing.
[ Beep ]
Okay, a-apparently
their computer system
is also an antique.
Possibly steam-powered,
which would be cool.
Hardison, this is
an extremely old house.
They believe in tradition.
The computer records
are gonna be bare bones.
The real contracts
are gonna be paper files.
So, that's not
just for decoration?
Just count to "k," Hardison.
I need a record of everything
he's sold here.
Or we could just ask
the man himself.
Parker, you're up.
[ British accent ]
Your coat, sir?
Parker: Hey, heads up.
Here you go.
Oh! All right.
[ Indistinct conversations ]
What do you got, Parker?
Nothing unusual,
but he does have an auction card
from Claridge's.
Does it have
an item number on it?
857204.
If the number starts with an 8,
then it's a bid card.
He's not selling today.
He's buying something. Why?
I'm not sure why.
But if this is his hub,
I'm gonna give him one more item
to move through it.
Parker, return the wallet.
Keep the bid card.
Find the vault.
It should be filled
with antiquities
waiting to be processed.
I need something to establish
my credentials with Keller.
Eliot, did they bring backup?
Keller showed up
with just his bodyguard.
Driver's waiting.
They won't be long.
Okay, keep an eye
on the front door.
Got it.
1905-style strong room.
Walls 2 feet thick.
Cast-iron.
Way ahead of its time.
But probably taken out
with an acetylene burner
during the postwar crime waves.
[ Lock clicking ]
Retrofitted hinges and alarms
in the 1980s...
the Thatcher security boom.
But English damp...
Won't allow
for heat sensors to work.
I almost feel bad for you.
Sophie: I looked up the number
on the bid card.
And get this...
Keller bought a ring.
Ah. A Mason ring
or an engagement ring?
A signet ring belonging
to George, the prince regent.
Doesn't make any sense.
I mean, considering
the priceless antiquities
that Keller handles
on a daily basis,
this little trinket
isn't worth very much.
Well, maybe he's buying it
for a client.
But there'd be no need
to shift something like this
on the black market when
it's right here in the open.
No, he wants this for himself.
I just have to figure out why.
Parker, what do you got for me?
Ohh! This place is great!
I recognize
over half of this stuff.
Oh. Hello.
Last time I saw you
was at the Louvre.
Well, actually, you were
in the back seat of my car,
but before that
you were at the Louvre.
Parker, focus!
Okay.
We've got napoleonic silver...
Ooh, some great Russian icons,
17th-century,
and...
Statue, gold guy,
uh, loincloth, pharaoh beard,
and very rectangular feet.
Falcon head, dog head,
or human head?
Bird head. And I think
he's smirking at me.
Okay, perfect.
Statue of Ra.
Bring it to me.
You mean something.
You're not worth anything,
so you mean something.
Hardison, did you find
those files yet?
Yes... now, look,
when we get a moment,
y'all are gonna have to explain
this English filing system.
Now, as far as Keller goes,
there's a big file
and a small file.
Big file is all sales...
antiquities, mostly
from Iraq and Afghanistan,
all with fake provenance.
What's in the small file?
Small one is land purchases...
old manor houses up for auction,
all within the last two years,
all in Scotland.
Ha! Places like, uh...
Loch Glengorra...
And loch McGr-r-r...
I'm not even gonna try
to pronounce it, man.
It's just a bunch
of random g's and n's.
Scotland?
Thanks, Hardison.
You can get out of there.
Okay, I'm gonna go in.
You want to play
a little Nick and Nora?
Unh-unh. No. I'm gonna stay
on the outside for a bit.
There's something about this
Keller guy that's vexing me.
Hey, listen, Sophie,
you never intentionally put
an innocent person in danger.
Just don't let him
put you in danger.
Good hunting.
[ Water running ]
[ Running stops ]
[ Footsteps approach ]
Make sure we've got a cutout
for the Spanish deal,
and call our man
in San Lorenzo and...
Nate: Ah, Mr. Keller.
Yes, I believe
you dropped this.
Thank you, mister, uh...
Jensen... Tom Jensen.
Oh, an American.
Are you with Claridge's?
In a way.
I've... I have participated
in some of their
New York auctions, yeah.
Participated how?
I'm a broker of merchandise...
antiques, mostly...
for private collectors.
I like to let them know
when something,
you know, of interest,
uh, becomes discovered.
Uh, yes.
Smuggling is a crime,
Mr. Tom Jensen.
No, I find the goods.
I don't... I don't move them.
No, I-I heard that, uh,
that was your specialty,
actually.
Interesting.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, this? Yeah.
Statue of Ra?
Yes, yeah.
You buy that on the Portobello road?
[ Chuckles ] No.
I have an archaeologist
on payroll.
That came from a dig in Egypt.
Yeah, we have four crates
of really high-end,
amazing antiquities,
yeah, and...
yeah, in fact,
I have to find a way
to get them back
to my, uh, buyer in America,
and I heard that
you are the right person
for that kind of job.
[ Sniffs ]
How does it smell?
He smelled it? Oh.
No, that's not from Egypt.
And, uh...
See this here?
No, I'd say this is from
the Bellingham collection
which is slated for auction
in two weeks,
which means you are either
a con artist or a cop.
Oh, I'm just trying
to make a deal here.
Ohh!
Nate, hold on. I'm on my way.
Sophie: Eliot, stay where you are.
What?
What?! Ohh!
I said,
who are you working for?
Eliot, you go in now,
you'll blow the con.
Eliot: Sophie,
the con's already blown.
Yeah, the old one is.
Not my con.
The ring, Scottish manors...
I know Mr. Keller's
heart's desire.
Unh!
I beg your pardon,
but you're manhandling
my employee.
Kindly call off your dog,
Mr. Keller.
Keller: Ennis, that's enough.
You know my name.
I can't say I've had
the same pleasure.
Charlotte Prentice,
18th duchess of Hanover.
Your grace.
What happened?
He try the Egypt story?
This statue comes
from a private collection.
I meet a great deal of people
in my travels
who wish to have such
collections liquidated,
quickly and quietly.
The buyer I have lined up
for this particular piece
is in America,
and I have no one I can trust
to traverse customs.
If your story checks out...
though, on principle,
I would never doubt
someone of your standing...
I will do you the courtesy
of not hunting down
and killing your man here.
Well, thank you.
But, uh, I'm not taking on
any outside clients right now.
I'll double your commission.
I'm afraid the answer's
still "no," your grace.
Now, if you'll pardon me?
Perhaps I can provide you
with something else,
something worth more
than money?
I'm afraid
there's really no price.
A knighthood, perhaps.
A knighthood?
[ Chuckles ]
With all due respect,
your grace,
her majesty hands out
2,600 of those a year.
Any pop star
can have a knighthood.
I see.
Your aims are a little higher.
One of the lost baronies, then?
- Sophie.
- you see what I'm running here?
I do, but are you sure
this is a good idea?
[ Footsteps approach ]
One of the lost baronies?
Not possible.
There are about 10 people
in the world
who can secure an interview
with the Earl marshal,
and I happen to be closely
related to three of them.
If you help me
with my little venture,
then I'll help you claim
a lost barony...
My lord.
How?
Meet me at Porter's tomorrow.
Afternoon tea.
I look forward to it.
And, uh...
Let's leave our pets at home,
shall we?
Certainly.
Who's the duchess of Hanover?
And what's a lost barony?
Can I keep the statue?
We have a lot of work to do...
about 200 years' worth,
actually.
All right, guys,
let's go steal a royal title.
The royal cover story
is easy to check, hard to fake.
I spent seven years
establishing this persona.
Trust me, Nate.
It's rock-solid.
How'd you know he'd go for it?
Keller's been buying up small but
specific pieces of Scottish land.
Well, that's one way
to obtain a minor barony.
He's also a royal fetishist.
I mean, there was no reason
for him to overbid
on the prince regent ring.
It had to be emotional.
Plus, when I introduced myself,
he addressed me as "your grace"
rather than
the more common "my lady,"
and he gave a little bow
and kissed my hand.
And what was the Earl marshal
part about?
Oh, he controls the succession
of titles in the peerage.
So, this is key...
there are 86 unclaimed baronies
in Great Britain.
It's just a title
that no one holds.
And does it come with a castle?
Sometimes.
Ooh!
So, this is Keller's
heart's desire, I take it?
Hardison: Oh, yeah.
Checked into it, man.
He's applied for an audience
with the Earl marshal
six times
in the past two years.
Denied.
Good guess.
It's not really a guess
when it's that good, is it?
The name of this con is called
"the mummy's tiara."
Come on, man.
That can't be real.
Am I gonna have to steal
a corpse again?
Oh, it's real, all right,
and it's almost impossible
to pull off
in a country that has
an actual monarchy.
The mummy's tiara involves using
a forged relic to purchase a royal title.
A forged relic.
That means we need a forger.
I know a couple of guys
in the States.
No, Hardison. Unh-unh.
Hardison,
you're gonna do it.
I'm a hacker.
I hack. I don't forge.
You're not making a forgery.
You're gonna create
a work of art.
Smell it.
That's how he knew
that Nate was lying.
Go on.
[ Sniffs ]
Oh, yeah. It smells like statue.
And gold.
And?
There's a little cinnamon
on there.
And cardamom.
Those are the spices
that statue was packed with
as it lay in its tomb
for thousands of years.
But those spices
were only used in Libyan tombs,
not Egyptian ones.
Elliot, feel the base.
It's rough.
It's been sanded.
Markings from
the acidic cleanser
used in the British museum
in the 1800s.
And that's how he knew
it wasn't a recent find.
Can I taste it?
You should. Go on.
Tastes like cold.
Yeah, so, as you know, Parker,
most metals heat up
when they're held...
platinum, for example...
but gold, no.
Gold stays cool
and impassive as a God.
So, if we're gonna fool
an expert of Keller's caliber,
then we're gonna have to
overwhelm his senses
with something too real
to be fake.
Hardison, get busy.
There's your shopping list.
Don't skimp on supplies.
Use Eliot and Parker.
We're gonna go finish the deal
with Keller
and get him to transport
our secret stash of treasures
back to the States.
What secret stash of treasures?
I'm sorry...
does this say "goat marrow"?
Let's go.
I'm about to revisit the topic
of Sophie being overinvested.
Now, you want to... you want
to run a passion-based game
on a man who
bankrolls terrorists?
Exactly.
End of the day, Nate,
you always go here,
whereas I go here.
But to a mark
who's always in his head...
...The heart con's
the only one that works.
Heart con is dangerous.
If it flames out on you,
it's like igniting jet fuel.
Yeah?
Tell that to the little girl
who's sitting in
an immigration holding cell.
Good luck.
Your grace.
Allow me.
[ Sighs ]
That's quite a claim
you made yesterday.
Can you back it up?
There are 86 lost,
or dormant, baronies.
The queen doesn't approve
of titles lying fallow.
Having said that, it's almost
impossible to claim one
without the proper
documentation.
I've done some research
in that area myself.
It's proven less than fruitful.
Birth certificates,
church records,
even whole family trees are
submitted for consideration.
But if you were to meet
the Earl marshal
with the private journal
of a royal ancestor,
even the queen herself
couldn't refuse you.
A private journal?
Belonging to?
The mistress
of king George III.
That's a myth.
Isn't it?
As you know,
George's reign ended
in abject failure...
loss of the colonies,
an incurable illness,
a dim-witted son poised
to take the throne.
The one thing he succeeded at
was protecting
his mistress, Catherine.
In a moment of clarity in the
last throes of his disease,
he sent a pregnant Catherine
to America
with a trunkful of treasure.
And Catherine...
Kept a diary.
That has never been proved.
Of course.
Some say she became a commoner
in Massachusetts.
Some say she died at sea.
Some say she never left London
at all.
No one knows.
But a man who has her book
could claim a direct descent
to Catherine...
And the king of England.
Now...
That's got to be worth
a barony and a small fortune.
I got your turpentine.
I got your walnut oil,
by the way,
which I purchased from
a very stunning vegan chick,
so thank you for that.
And a bucket of...
[ Lid snaps shut ]
...Soot.
It's everywhere.
Ha ha! Nice, E.
Way to get your hands dirty.
Yeah, thank you.
Hey, put that down, man.
That's my paper.
It's a rag.
No, that's what printers
used to make paper
back in the 1700s.
Use a moist towelette,
please, and thank you.
What's that smell?
Uh, y-you don't want
to know
how they wet the paper
back in the day.
Did you...
Do not ask me, man.
Damn it, Hardison!
Why you so sensitive?
You touch worse.
I'm going out
for Baba Ghanoush!
Do you have the book?
The book's coming up
for auction
at Claridge's as part of a small
lot of 18th-century volumes.
Even the auctioneer himself
doesn't know its true value.
I was just gonna pick it up
as a family heirloom,
but I'd be happy
to share it with you,
along with a personal letter
of introduction
to the Earl marshal.
If I help you move
your goods to America.
What's in the freight?
Oh. Let's just say
bits and bobs...
statuary from Egypt,
paintings from France.
There's a demand
for these things in America.
But my operation is small
and relies on relationships.
I just don't have
the infrastructure
to move so much so quickly.
Well...
I do.
So, it's a deal, then?
Almost.
[ Footsteps approach ]
There's someone who wants
to see you...
Duchess.
Oh?
Okay, who is it?
Sophie, listen, if it gets
too hot, just leave.
Her ladyship,
the countess of Kensington.
All right, Sophie, listen,
if your cover's blown,
it's okay.
Just find a way out.
Sophie?
Charlotte!
Auntie!
[ Chuckles ]
[ Both laugh ]
There. Well.
Family reunion.
[ Printer whirring ]
I think the technical term
is "cotton swell."
Maybe it's you
putting them in too far.
That's your problem.
Um...
I don't know how soon
we're doing this auction scam,
but are you planning on
printing out the entire diary,
page by page?
You better hope she's got
a short and boring life, my man.
Do you know
what I've achieved here?
Do you? I made ink
from boysenberries, okay?
I-I-I-I've tanned hide
for the covers.
I made glue for the binding
from animal parts
I do not care to discuss.
I've made content for the filling
pages using algorithm
from digitized colonial-era
novels and diaries.
I-I-I-it's Shakespeare in
the house, people, Shakespeare.
Yeah, it sounds like a lot of work.
It is.
In a single day,
I've gone from apprentice
to journeyman to master.
Okay.
He's losing it.
Well, yeah, so, I'm gonna go
steal some stuff.
Okay, but come back,
'cause I-I've fused
computer technology
with... with...
with this stuff.
All right, man, let us know how that goes.
With... with... mm-hmm.
I've hacked history!
I've hacked history, people.
So, there I was... remember this?
[ laughs ] Mm?
I had the weed clippers
in one hand,
I had the prize petunias
in the other.
And the dear girl looked me
right in the eye and said...
Both: "Auntie, at least you
still have the blue ribbon!"
[ Laughs ] [ cellphone rings ]
Pardon me a moment.
It will give us
a chance to catch up.
Hello. Yes, Mr. Moreau.
[ Exhales softly ]
So, my dear Charlotte,
where have you been
all these years?
Oh, you know, traveling.
I always wanted to see
the world.
How have you been, auntie?
Oh, well enough,
in spite of my pains,
what with our dear William
gone these eight years
come April.
Oh, don't look so sad, girl.
It'll pucker your looks.
I miss him, that's all.
Yes, well...
He never blamed you
for running off like you did.
But the drink helped
to console him.
I loved him, auntie...
very much.
And he loved you, dear...
fiercely.
One has to love fiercely
in order to die
of a broken heart.
Don't you agree?
[ Keller sighs ]
I am so sorry, your grace.
That, uh, was my employer.
There's been an incident
in Boston
that's made him more cautious
about our next shipment.
Oh. Well, I'd best go take care
of some details.
Instead of next week,
we'll be taking it
out tomorrow.
That's not gonna be
a problem, is it?
Sophie.
You have something
you want to ask me.
I, uh... yeah.
[ Sighs ]
How real is this, uh...
this duchess persona?
Where are we exactly
on your side of things?
Oh, no, no.
E-e-everything's okay.
Yeah, I mean, uh, you know,
Keller is shipping
his antiquities out of London
in the morning,
we have to finish forging
a 200-year-old book that has
to hold up to expert scrutiny,
and take over an auction
that's gonna start
in five minutes
and deliver to Keller
a treasure trove of antiquities
that we don't actually have.
Piece of cake.
Plus, we're one step closer
to Damien Moreau.
Okay, Hardison,
I need that book...
Now.
[ printer whirring ]
Hey, man,
Sophie said, "flawless."
Now you're saying, "fast."
You two need to have a
conversation and figure it out.
Uh, fast.
Go with fast.
Okay, but the glue
on this binding...
it takes two weeks
to dry naturally.
Now, a hair dryer is too hot
and too powerful.
It'll curl the pages
and melt the spine.
I managed to find
a manicure dryer,
so you're just
gonna have to wait.
And as stunning
as my work is...
stunning, I say...
it's still a rush job.
It'll pass
the first inspection,
but it won't hold together
for very long.
[ Groans ]
Okay, Eliot,
what's your status?
I'm meeting with Keller's
transport guys right now.
Hey, guys.
How are you?
Hi.
I, uh... I'm under orders
to inspect your facility
before we can move the...
the things.
I see where you're coming from,
and I respect your work.
Thank you.
But we've only got two jobs today.
One is to accompany you
to your lady's storage bin
and empty it of its contents.
The second is to take it back
with us.
We won't be needing
your accompaniment
on that second leg.
Okay. [ chuckles ]
I got to...
I got to call it in.
Uh...
[ Dialing ]
One second.
Nate, these guys want me
to take them
straight to Sophie's
secret stash.
What the hell am I
supposed to do with them?
Stall. Stall.
Um, yeah, uh, London city tour.
You're good at that.
You want me to stall them?
They're former
British paratroopers!
How... how do you...
Haircuts, all right?
It's very distinctive haircuts.
Keller: Your grace.
I've checked
into the book collection.
You checked them?
Asked around.
Personal diaries
from the colonial era.
They have no idea
what's in there...
What that diary is worth.
[ Laughs ]
They think it's just
the rambling fantasies
of a love sick girl.
[ chuckles ]
Parker!
Parker!
What?!
Hey, is Sophie a princess?
Parker, just...
did you take care
of the auctioneer?
Yeah. Sophie told me
to find out
his deepest wish and give it to him.
Yeah, yeah.
But I thought that would take
way too long, so...
Does this rag smell like
chloroform to you? Hmm?
What?
He's gonna wake up
in like three hours.
Come on.
Eliot: [ chuckling ] That's insane, man.
Red light means stop.
Just like in the States.
It's the same thing.
I should've known that.
I don't want to lose your boys.
Are you sure you know
where you're going?
I know exactly where I'm going, man.
It's just really tough. I don't... I don't...
it's hard. These streets
are really confusing, man...
the streets of London.
The other side.
Exactly.
You're meant to be on the other
bloody side of the road.
[ Horn beeps, tires screech ]
Whoa!
Okay.
That's not my fault.
Lot 456.
This exquisite ming dynasty vase
was once smuggled out
of mainland China
in a donkey's saddlebag.
It resurfaced decades later
in the private collection
of a Hong Kong billionaire,
where it was left
virtually unprotected
by a subpar laser-grid
security system.
Parker!
[ clears throat ]
Reserve price... £500,000.
Can I have
a starting bid, please?
Okay. 550.
And do I have 600?
Yes to the toupee
on the right, yes.
An antique enamel
and 16-karat-gold jewelry box
made right here in London.
And let me tell you something...
it's worth a lot more than you'd
think just by looking at it,
especially if you consider
the 16 angry henchmen
who are gonna be following you
through the gardens
of Versailles
if you pick it up, ok?
You know what I'm saying?
[ Clears throat ] Parker.
Lot 739.
A stone elephant crafted
by Peter Carl Fabergé
for his imperial highness.
Hang on a second.
Let me see that?
Yeah, no.
That's a fake.
[ Shatters ]
Okay. You're here, finally.
Whew! "Finally"?
"Finally"?
You are looking at the Leonardo
Da Vinci of forgery, my friend.
[ Breathes heavily ]
It's all packed.
All right.
The box has to pass, too.
Yeah.
Okay, and you can
track Keller's money
back to Moreau's account,
right?
Okay, but remember, Keller
has got to go big or go home.
I can follow his bid back
to the shell companies,
but it has to be big enough...
250,000 at least.
Okay, quarter of a million.
Let's go.
Stretch it out, stretch it out.
We're up, Parker.
Oh, out y... go ahead.
Thank you.
All right, lot 872!
We've got a collection
of old books from the 1700s.
Do I have a starting bid?
I've got a starting bid.
Whew! Ooh.
You all right, there, fella?
Okay.
Okay.
All right, I see I have
a phone bid of £150,000,
someone who loves
to read old stuff!
Yeah! All right!
[ coughs ]
So, do I hear 160?
Okay, Sophie,
we've got to get Keller
to bid at least £250,000.
Anything over that,
and Hardison can trace the money
back to the source,
and we can find Moreau.
Isn't it too much?
200.
£200,000!
Okay, we've got 200.
Anyone?
You like that?
Oh...Uh, yeah.
You want to get with that?
You got to win the books.
She loves the books.
Really?
Oh, yeah.
220.
220! Oh! Hey!
All right!
Love a man in a pink shirt!
Not afraid to wear color.
It's a good sign.
What?! Why, that little toe rag.
That's a family heirloom.
How dare that little
low-class trash
bid on our
ancestor's journal?
Quite right.
260.
260. Going once...
280.
Wait! That's too much.
At...280.
220...
that was romantic.
You know, 280...
she's gonna think you're a sap.
280.
Sophie!
300.
[ Gavel rattles ]
Going once, twice, sold!
300. Great. Thanks for comin'.
[ gavel bangs ]
Eliot: That was confusing,
wasn't it?
All the... what do you call
those things? 'Round-'rounds,
rounded...
roundabouts, whatever?
You guys won't have those
in the States.
What language was the signs?
[ laughs ]
At least you guys
speak American.
Or, I... well, I mean,
I know you speak English.
That's southern humor.
Uh...
Oh, keys. Keys.
Did I leave them in the van?
Mnh-mnh.
You don't think so?
[ Sniffs ]
It's genuine.
Thank you.
Whoo!
What?
What?
[ Beeping ]
Money transferring...
Now.
[ high-pitched beep ]
Ha.
This is the first day
of your new life as a baron.
Shall we go and see
the Earl marshal?
Oh, I'll be seeing him,
thanks,
as soon as I
bloody well please.
Uh, you'll need
my letter of introduction.
I had a chat
with the countess yesterday.
She told me all about
your little royal scandal.
Apparently, having you with me
would ruin my chances
of advancement.
I'll take the book, thanks.
That's all I need.
What about our deal?
Oh, right.
[ Dialing ]
Ennis: Hello?
Ennis.
Are you still at the storage unit?
Mm-hmm.
Clear it out.
And their man...
shoot him.
Throw him in the Thames.
[ Beep ]
If it had been a snake,
it'd have bit me.
[ Gun cocks ]
Oh.
It really hurts me to have
to do this to you...
- I've quite enjoyed your company
this afternoon. - Listen....
But I'm gonna need you to open
up the storage unit now.
Listen, let me explain
something to you.
This thing...
there's nothing in here, okay?
My boss is... is running a con
on your boss, man.
I don't need this.
I didn't sign up
for this, okay?
This...
this thing is empty.
I don't care if it's empty.
[ British accent ] I've quite
enjoyed your company today...
As well.
Yes, Mr. Moreau.
I'll be in Rome in two hours...
usual spot.
Could you finish up
on the phone, please, sir?
Could we, uh, possibly
speed things up a little bit?
Can't miss my flight.
Urgent business.
I'm sorry, Mr. Keller.
We're going to have
to detain you.
This is a very expensive piece
that I bought at auction.
Here's the paperwork.
Right.
Well, this says you purchased
a couple of books.
It doesn't say anything
about wooden Russian icons.
Well, that's because
I didn't buy any icons.
No...
You didn't buy them.
[ Whistles ] What?
Parker, what do you got for me?
Ooh, some great Russian icons,
17th-century.
And [Sighs]
Statue, gold guy.
Okay, perfect.
Statue of Ra.
Bring it to me.
Oh, and, uh, bring those icons.
I have an idea.
Cheeky bitch.
Well, that ain't all, mate.
You just paid £300,000 for a forgery.
[ frame thuds ]
This is, uh...
this has all been
a misunderstanding.
You can tell it
to Scotland Yard.
They want to ask you
about the other antiquities
you tried to smuggle today.
What?
Here we go.
This way, sir.
Well, what's all this, then?
It's a misunderstanding.
And what's in the storage unit?
Nothing.
It's bloody empty.
Well, we'll see about that.
[ Whistles ]
If that's what
you call nothing,
I'd sure like to see
something.
I don't know how you did it,
but thank you.
Thank you very much.
You've touched so many lives
without even knowing it.
Well, it's what we do.
Oh, hey.
[ Speaking Arabic ]
[ Speaking Arabic ]
High five.
Boom!
Thank you so much.
The storage locker
was not empty.
No.
In fact, it was filled
with stolen artworks,
antiquities.
Yeah. I read that
in the paper.
Your own personal stash?
That storage locker was filled
with some of the very first
things I ever stole.
You got a lot of buried secrets
in London, don't you?
Archaeology of crime.
Well, at least
I now know your real name.
Unh-unh, no.
That's not my real name.
"Charlotte" was my stage name.
Hmm.
Any news on Keller's
auction payment?
Oh, yeah. In my trace,
I peeled back 10 layers
of security
off an airborne Wi-Fi
connection... airborne.
You might be the greatest
of all time, man.
Did you find anything?
Yeah, I found 10
shell companies,
one of which is actually
a promising lead.
It's called
Slap Shot Investments
run by Mark Vector.
Mark Vector, the hockey player?
"The enforcer"?
Great. Let's get him.
That's the problem.
He struck a deal with the feds.
He's protected.
What are you...
what... what's the smile?
What are you smiling at?
What... what is that?
Oh. Oh, no. No, no, no.
Oh, yeah.
Let's go steal
a federal witness.
Your attention, please.
All international arrivals
must pick up their luggage
before proceeding...
It's taken us four months
to get even this close
to one of Damien Moreau's guys.
Now we have a chance
to hit him
and get closer to Moreau.
Hardison, take us through it.
[ Beeping ]
Flight manifest
for global transit airlines 485
out of Baghdad
shows John Douglas Keller
in business class.
Now, Keller...
he moves antiquities
for our primary target,
Damien Moreau.
It shows
he has no checked luggage,
just probably a carry-on.
Y-you know what, guys?
I-I don't get this.
I-it'd be a lot easier
to intercept him
out in the terminal.
No, if this guy is as strapped
as I think he is,
he's gonna have
a gang of security
waiting outside the airport
for him,
one bodyguard on the plane.
You want to get close to him,
you do it in here.
Sounds good.
Parker?
While Eliot
distracts the bodyguard,
I'll lift
Keller's wallet and phone
and do a briefcase switch.
Hardison intercepted
an e-mail.
Hardison:
And decrypted it.
These guys use... use a variant
of Larry Duberman's algorithm.
I-it's not as easy
as baking a cake.
Nate: Moving on, yes.
So, Keller has something
valuable on this flight,
probably Iraqi antiquities.
Now, if we get him
from all sides,
one of us can grab the goods,
and then I'll put our hooks
into him.
There he is.
I've got him.
That's the bodyguard.
I'm going in.
This way, Mr. Keller.
Parker, he's got a black
briefcase, silver hardware.
Silver hardware?
All right, I'm on it.
We're right on schedule,
Mr. Keller.
[ Speaking Arabic ]
Nate.
Got him.
[ Speaking Arabic ]
Can I see?
Hi, A'Yan! Welcome!
[ Speaking Arabic ]
He hasn't talked to anyone.
He hasn't, uh, exchanged
his bag with anyone.
So whatever he's smuggling
is probably in cargo and
probably under a different name.
Just come right this way,
sweetie.
Nate:
All right, I'm out.
Here you go.
Thank you.
Hardison:
Sorry for the delay, sir.
We, uh... we've had a yellow alert issued.
Oh, no trouble at all.
Mr. Keller. What are your reasons for
visiting Boston? Business, I'm afraid.
Just a quick dinner meeting.
Then I'm off home to London.
Okay.
Can't see much of Boston
in three hours, can you?
No, more's the pity.
Anything to declare?
No, nothing at all.
No time for shopping, really...
not even duty-free.
[ Siren blaring ] Woman on P.A.
: security to customs. Code 4.
Security to customs. Code 4.
Block area.
Move it!
[ Blaring continues ]
I'm sorry. She... she... she
doesn't speak the language.
Uh, guys, we have a problem.
Uh, they're arresting
the wrong smuggler.
Keller: May I, uh...
I'd hate to miss
my appointment.
Oh, uh, yeah, yeah,
you're, uh...
you're clean.
Good to go.
Thank you.
Man:
Was that the only bag?
Woman:
That was the only bag, yes.
Come along with me.
[ speaking Arabic ]
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Where are they taking the girl?
I represent her. I have
papers from the consulate.
She has refugee status.
Please! Listen to me!
Officer: They have to
talk to her first!
Did the, uh, other girls
make it?
Yes. 10 flights
over the course of the day.
9 out of 10.
She's an acceptable loss.
[ Man speaking indistinctly
on p.A. ]
Okay, Hardison, Eliot,
I want you to tail Keller...
discreetly. No contact.
Surveillance only.
Parker, if you get an opening,
I want you to lift, uh,
Keller's cellphone and clone it.
Nothing else.
I need access to that girl.
No, no, it's too risky.
What? Hardison
has TSA badges.
For this gate only.
They just played us.
No, I'm going in.
No, you're not. No, no.
No, w-we can't have access
to one of those holding areas.
It's deep security.
We can talk to the family.
It's a start.
Let's get this
little girl home.
The rich and powerful
take what they want.
We steal it back for you.
Sometimes, bad guys
make the best good guys.
We provide...
Sophie: So, you're an
immigration advocate?
I have spent the past six years
trying to reunite
wartorn families.
I meet people off the plane
and hope the smugglers
and drug dealers
haven't gotten to them first.
But she's innocent.
Well, there must be
something you can do.
I can file paperwork.
That is all I can do.
She's sitting alone
in a holding cell,
and I don't know
what to tell her family.
She could be kept
in the system for months
without being processed.
The laws haven't caught up
with this type of crime yet.
I deal with a lot of children
seeking asylum.
These tactics are not uncommon.
A man with a gun forces
a statue or a necklace
into a kid's bag and says,
"take this onto the plane
or I'll kill you."
Nate:
And it usually works.
The TSA is looking for guns
and weapons, not statuary.
But the artifacts more than pay
for drugs and weapons.
It's...
art for blood.
Well, we will do our best
to exonerate A'Yan, all right?
Now, you just, uh, keep...
keep filing the paperwork,
cross your T's, dot your I's,
and we'll be in touch.
Thank you.
Thank you both.
If I just take Keller out,
it there another way to Moreau?
Not a fast one.
Moreau got his start smuggling
antiquities from war zones.
Statute of limitations
is way past on those crimes.
No, no, that doesn't matter.
The more experienced
a criminal becomes,
the more sophisticated he gets
at covering his tracks.
You go back
to his first crimes,
and that's where you see
the rough edges.
It's sort of like... archaeology.
Archaeology of crime.
The further back you go
in a criminal's career,
the more primitive his methods,
the more mistakes you can find
as a way in...
a lot more mistakes.
Hardison: Since Moreau
started with antiquities,
these companies
and these bank accounts
are the closest ties
to his real life.
And since he's moved up, Keller's started
running that part of the business.
And it's a cash cow.
The valuables from
the looted Iraqi museum
or an archaeological dig...
they fetch millions on
the black market in the west.
Yeah, but unlike a stolen Monet
or the Rosalind diamond,
these pieces aren't registered
or insured,
so they're impossible to track.
Man, I should've got
into that years ago.
[ Chuckles ]
Parker: Yeah.
I mean before
we went straight, of course.
So, Keller steals a statue
from a dig in Iraq
and he mules it through customs
using a little kid
and he sells it to rich
Americans for 5 million bucks.
That $5 million funds
terrorist training camps,
weapons sales.
The one thing
that's got me stumped
is that little girl's arrest
didn't break Keller's stride
at all.
I mean, he's already off
on a flight to London.
Apparently he's a-a regular
at Claridge's auction house.
Because you don't just sell
on the black market.
The real payoff, the big money,
is when you move it through
legitimate auction houses.
You fake up the papers,
you scrub off
the blood and dirt,
and you clean it up
so that all the pretty people
can show it off
in their pretty bloody houses.
[ Footsteps depart ]
[ Door opens ]
[ Door slams ]
Oh, I'm sorry.
Are you the only one that's
allowed to brood down here,
or is it an open bar?
I know what you're thinking,
but it's not the same thing.
Oh, no.
Of course it's not.
I stole from one rich man
to sell to another rich man.
No one got hurt.
That I know of.
How do I know
that innocent children
were never used
to shift my merchandise?
You want to talk
about collateral damage,
we'd be here all day.
[ chuckles ] Yeah.
"Tread lightly"?
I mean, who treads lightly?
Well, certainly not us.
Listen, Sophie, this guy Keller
is one of Moreau's
top lieutenants.
Now, if we get
emotionally overinvested
in this or any case,
we get sloppy.
We get sloppy, we lose Keller,
we lose Moreau,
we lose the whole operation.
And the Italian sends you
back to prison, or worse.
And with all that at stake,
you're prepared to give me
a lecture on being overinvested?
Listen, I know I grifted
from filthy-rich wankers
who hardly ever missed
the money,
and half the time they love the thrill
of being taken for a ride.
But this...
this whole Moreau business
has got me thinking.
Keller steals
from the rich, too,
and a little girl ends up
in detainment for it.
[ Breathes deeply ]
Do you want to go to London?
Let's go steal an auction.
[ Airplane tires screech ]
Sophie: I love Claridge's
auction house.
[ Inhales deeply ]
Even the air
feels more expensive.
So, this is where Keller
moves most of his goods.
And his calendar says
that he should be arriving here
just about now.
Hardison, are you
in their computers yet?
Accessing.
[ Beep ]
Okay, a-apparently
their computer system
is also an antique.
Possibly steam-powered,
which would be cool.
Hardison, this is
an extremely old house.
They believe in tradition.
The computer records
are gonna be bare bones.
The real contracts
are gonna be paper files.
So, that's not
just for decoration?
Just count to "k," Hardison.
I need a record of everything
he's sold here.
Or we could just ask
the man himself.
Parker, you're up.
[ British accent ]
Your coat, sir?
Parker: Hey, heads up.
Here you go.
Oh! All right.
[ Indistinct conversations ]
What do you got, Parker?
Nothing unusual,
but he does have an auction card
from Claridge's.
Does it have
an item number on it?
857204.
If the number starts with an 8,
then it's a bid card.
He's not selling today.
He's buying something. Why?
I'm not sure why.
But if this is his hub,
I'm gonna give him one more item
to move through it.
Parker, return the wallet.
Keep the bid card.
Find the vault.
It should be filled
with antiquities
waiting to be processed.
I need something to establish
my credentials with Keller.
Eliot, did they bring backup?
Keller showed up
with just his bodyguard.
Driver's waiting.
They won't be long.
Okay, keep an eye
on the front door.
Got it.
1905-style strong room.
Walls 2 feet thick.
Cast-iron.
Way ahead of its time.
But probably taken out
with an acetylene burner
during the postwar crime waves.
[ Lock clicking ]
Retrofitted hinges and alarms
in the 1980s...
the Thatcher security boom.
But English damp...
Won't allow
for heat sensors to work.
I almost feel bad for you.
Sophie: I looked up the number
on the bid card.
And get this...
Keller bought a ring.
Ah. A Mason ring
or an engagement ring?
A signet ring belonging
to George, the prince regent.
Doesn't make any sense.
I mean, considering
the priceless antiquities
that Keller handles
on a daily basis,
this little trinket
isn't worth very much.
Well, maybe he's buying it
for a client.
But there'd be no need
to shift something like this
on the black market when
it's right here in the open.
No, he wants this for himself.
I just have to figure out why.
Parker, what do you got for me?
Ohh! This place is great!
I recognize
over half of this stuff.
Oh. Hello.
Last time I saw you
was at the Louvre.
Well, actually, you were
in the back seat of my car,
but before that
you were at the Louvre.
Parker, focus!
Okay.
We've got napoleonic silver...
Ooh, some great Russian icons,
17th-century,
and...
Statue, gold guy,
uh, loincloth, pharaoh beard,
and very rectangular feet.
Falcon head, dog head,
or human head?
Bird head. And I think
he's smirking at me.
Okay, perfect.
Statue of Ra.
Bring it to me.
You mean something.
You're not worth anything,
so you mean something.
Hardison, did you find
those files yet?
Yes... now, look,
when we get a moment,
y'all are gonna have to explain
this English filing system.
Now, as far as Keller goes,
there's a big file
and a small file.
Big file is all sales...
antiquities, mostly
from Iraq and Afghanistan,
all with fake provenance.
What's in the small file?
Small one is land purchases...
old manor houses up for auction,
all within the last two years,
all in Scotland.
Ha! Places like, uh...
Loch Glengorra...
And loch McGr-r-r...
I'm not even gonna try
to pronounce it, man.
It's just a bunch
of random g's and n's.
Scotland?
Thanks, Hardison.
You can get out of there.
Okay, I'm gonna go in.
You want to play
a little Nick and Nora?
Unh-unh. No. I'm gonna stay
on the outside for a bit.
There's something about this
Keller guy that's vexing me.
Hey, listen, Sophie,
you never intentionally put
an innocent person in danger.
Just don't let him
put you in danger.
Good hunting.
[ Water running ]
[ Running stops ]
[ Footsteps approach ]
Make sure we've got a cutout
for the Spanish deal,
and call our man
in San Lorenzo and...
Nate: Ah, Mr. Keller.
Yes, I believe
you dropped this.
Thank you, mister, uh...
Jensen... Tom Jensen.
Oh, an American.
Are you with Claridge's?
In a way.
I've... I have participated
in some of their
New York auctions, yeah.
Participated how?
I'm a broker of merchandise...
antiques, mostly...
for private collectors.
I like to let them know
when something,
you know, of interest,
uh, becomes discovered.
Uh, yes.
Smuggling is a crime,
Mr. Tom Jensen.
No, I find the goods.
I don't... I don't move them.
No, I-I heard that, uh,
that was your specialty,
actually.
Interesting.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, this? Yeah.
Statue of Ra?
Yes, yeah.
You buy that on the Portobello road?
[ Chuckles ] No.
I have an archaeologist
on payroll.
That came from a dig in Egypt.
Yeah, we have four crates
of really high-end,
amazing antiquities,
yeah, and...
yeah, in fact,
I have to find a way
to get them back
to my, uh, buyer in America,
and I heard that
you are the right person
for that kind of job.
[ Sniffs ]
How does it smell?
He smelled it? Oh.
No, that's not from Egypt.
And, uh...
See this here?
No, I'd say this is from
the Bellingham collection
which is slated for auction
in two weeks,
which means you are either
a con artist or a cop.
Oh, I'm just trying
to make a deal here.
Ohh!
Nate, hold on. I'm on my way.
Sophie: Eliot, stay where you are.
What?
What?! Ohh!
I said,
who are you working for?
Eliot, you go in now,
you'll blow the con.
Eliot: Sophie,
the con's already blown.
Yeah, the old one is.
Not my con.
The ring, Scottish manors...
I know Mr. Keller's
heart's desire.
Unh!
I beg your pardon,
but you're manhandling
my employee.
Kindly call off your dog,
Mr. Keller.
Keller: Ennis, that's enough.
You know my name.
I can't say I've had
the same pleasure.
Charlotte Prentice,
18th duchess of Hanover.
Your grace.
What happened?
He try the Egypt story?
This statue comes
from a private collection.
I meet a great deal of people
in my travels
who wish to have such
collections liquidated,
quickly and quietly.
The buyer I have lined up
for this particular piece
is in America,
and I have no one I can trust
to traverse customs.
If your story checks out...
though, on principle,
I would never doubt
someone of your standing...
I will do you the courtesy
of not hunting down
and killing your man here.
Well, thank you.
But, uh, I'm not taking on
any outside clients right now.
I'll double your commission.
I'm afraid the answer's
still "no," your grace.
Now, if you'll pardon me?
Perhaps I can provide you
with something else,
something worth more
than money?
I'm afraid
there's really no price.
A knighthood, perhaps.
A knighthood?
[ Chuckles ]
With all due respect,
your grace,
her majesty hands out
2,600 of those a year.
Any pop star
can have a knighthood.
I see.
Your aims are a little higher.
One of the lost baronies, then?
- Sophie.
- you see what I'm running here?
I do, but are you sure
this is a good idea?
[ Footsteps approach ]
One of the lost baronies?
Not possible.
There are about 10 people
in the world
who can secure an interview
with the Earl marshal,
and I happen to be closely
related to three of them.
If you help me
with my little venture,
then I'll help you claim
a lost barony...
My lord.
How?
Meet me at Porter's tomorrow.
Afternoon tea.
I look forward to it.
And, uh...
Let's leave our pets at home,
shall we?
Certainly.
Who's the duchess of Hanover?
And what's a lost barony?
Can I keep the statue?
We have a lot of work to do...
about 200 years' worth,
actually.
All right, guys,
let's go steal a royal title.
The royal cover story
is easy to check, hard to fake.
I spent seven years
establishing this persona.
Trust me, Nate.
It's rock-solid.
How'd you know he'd go for it?
Keller's been buying up small but
specific pieces of Scottish land.
Well, that's one way
to obtain a minor barony.
He's also a royal fetishist.
I mean, there was no reason
for him to overbid
on the prince regent ring.
It had to be emotional.
Plus, when I introduced myself,
he addressed me as "your grace"
rather than
the more common "my lady,"
and he gave a little bow
and kissed my hand.
And what was the Earl marshal
part about?
Oh, he controls the succession
of titles in the peerage.
So, this is key...
there are 86 unclaimed baronies
in Great Britain.
It's just a title
that no one holds.
And does it come with a castle?
Sometimes.
Ooh!
So, this is Keller's
heart's desire, I take it?
Hardison: Oh, yeah.
Checked into it, man.
He's applied for an audience
with the Earl marshal
six times
in the past two years.
Denied.
Good guess.
It's not really a guess
when it's that good, is it?
The name of this con is called
"the mummy's tiara."
Come on, man.
That can't be real.
Am I gonna have to steal
a corpse again?
Oh, it's real, all right,
and it's almost impossible
to pull off
in a country that has
an actual monarchy.
The mummy's tiara involves using
a forged relic to purchase a royal title.
A forged relic.
That means we need a forger.
I know a couple of guys
in the States.
No, Hardison. Unh-unh.
Hardison,
you're gonna do it.
I'm a hacker.
I hack. I don't forge.
You're not making a forgery.
You're gonna create
a work of art.
Smell it.
That's how he knew
that Nate was lying.
Go on.
[ Sniffs ]
Oh, yeah. It smells like statue.
And gold.
And?
There's a little cinnamon
on there.
And cardamom.
Those are the spices
that statue was packed with
as it lay in its tomb
for thousands of years.
But those spices
were only used in Libyan tombs,
not Egyptian ones.
Elliot, feel the base.
It's rough.
It's been sanded.
Markings from
the acidic cleanser
used in the British museum
in the 1800s.
And that's how he knew
it wasn't a recent find.
Can I taste it?
You should. Go on.
Tastes like cold.
Yeah, so, as you know, Parker,
most metals heat up
when they're held...
platinum, for example...
but gold, no.
Gold stays cool
and impassive as a God.
So, if we're gonna fool
an expert of Keller's caliber,
then we're gonna have to
overwhelm his senses
with something too real
to be fake.
Hardison, get busy.
There's your shopping list.
Don't skimp on supplies.
Use Eliot and Parker.
We're gonna go finish the deal
with Keller
and get him to transport
our secret stash of treasures
back to the States.
What secret stash of treasures?
I'm sorry...
does this say "goat marrow"?
Let's go.
I'm about to revisit the topic
of Sophie being overinvested.
Now, you want to... you want
to run a passion-based game
on a man who
bankrolls terrorists?
Exactly.
End of the day, Nate,
you always go here,
whereas I go here.
But to a mark
who's always in his head...
...The heart con's
the only one that works.
Heart con is dangerous.
If it flames out on you,
it's like igniting jet fuel.
Yeah?
Tell that to the little girl
who's sitting in
an immigration holding cell.
Good luck.
Your grace.
Allow me.
[ Sighs ]
That's quite a claim
you made yesterday.
Can you back it up?
There are 86 lost,
or dormant, baronies.
The queen doesn't approve
of titles lying fallow.
Having said that, it's almost
impossible to claim one
without the proper
documentation.
I've done some research
in that area myself.
It's proven less than fruitful.
Birth certificates,
church records,
even whole family trees are
submitted for consideration.
But if you were to meet
the Earl marshal
with the private journal
of a royal ancestor,
even the queen herself
couldn't refuse you.
A private journal?
Belonging to?
The mistress
of king George III.
That's a myth.
Isn't it?
As you know,
George's reign ended
in abject failure...
loss of the colonies,
an incurable illness,
a dim-witted son poised
to take the throne.
The one thing he succeeded at
was protecting
his mistress, Catherine.
In a moment of clarity in the
last throes of his disease,
he sent a pregnant Catherine
to America
with a trunkful of treasure.
And Catherine...
Kept a diary.
That has never been proved.
Of course.
Some say she became a commoner
in Massachusetts.
Some say she died at sea.
Some say she never left London
at all.
No one knows.
But a man who has her book
could claim a direct descent
to Catherine...
And the king of England.
Now...
That's got to be worth
a barony and a small fortune.
I got your turpentine.
I got your walnut oil,
by the way,
which I purchased from
a very stunning vegan chick,
so thank you for that.
And a bucket of...
[ Lid snaps shut ]
...Soot.
It's everywhere.
Ha ha! Nice, E.
Way to get your hands dirty.
Yeah, thank you.
Hey, put that down, man.
That's my paper.
It's a rag.
No, that's what printers
used to make paper
back in the 1700s.
Use a moist towelette,
please, and thank you.
What's that smell?
Uh, y-you don't want
to know
how they wet the paper
back in the day.
Did you...
Do not ask me, man.
Damn it, Hardison!
Why you so sensitive?
You touch worse.
I'm going out
for Baba Ghanoush!
Do you have the book?
The book's coming up
for auction
at Claridge's as part of a small
lot of 18th-century volumes.
Even the auctioneer himself
doesn't know its true value.
I was just gonna pick it up
as a family heirloom,
but I'd be happy
to share it with you,
along with a personal letter
of introduction
to the Earl marshal.
If I help you move
your goods to America.
What's in the freight?
Oh. Let's just say
bits and bobs...
statuary from Egypt,
paintings from France.
There's a demand
for these things in America.
But my operation is small
and relies on relationships.
I just don't have
the infrastructure
to move so much so quickly.
Well...
I do.
So, it's a deal, then?
Almost.
[ Footsteps approach ]
There's someone who wants
to see you...
Duchess.
Oh?
Okay, who is it?
Sophie, listen, if it gets
too hot, just leave.
Her ladyship,
the countess of Kensington.
All right, Sophie, listen,
if your cover's blown,
it's okay.
Just find a way out.
Sophie?
Charlotte!
Auntie!
[ Chuckles ]
[ Both laugh ]
There. Well.
Family reunion.
[ Printer whirring ]
I think the technical term
is "cotton swell."
Maybe it's you
putting them in too far.
That's your problem.
Um...
I don't know how soon
we're doing this auction scam,
but are you planning on
printing out the entire diary,
page by page?
You better hope she's got
a short and boring life, my man.
Do you know
what I've achieved here?
Do you? I made ink
from boysenberries, okay?
I-I-I-I've tanned hide
for the covers.
I made glue for the binding
from animal parts
I do not care to discuss.
I've made content for the filling
pages using algorithm
from digitized colonial-era
novels and diaries.
I-I-I-it's Shakespeare in
the house, people, Shakespeare.
Yeah, it sounds like a lot of work.
It is.
In a single day,
I've gone from apprentice
to journeyman to master.
Okay.
He's losing it.
Well, yeah, so, I'm gonna go
steal some stuff.
Okay, but come back,
'cause I-I've fused
computer technology
with... with...
with this stuff.
All right, man, let us know how that goes.
With... with... mm-hmm.
I've hacked history!
I've hacked history, people.
So, there I was... remember this?
[ laughs ] Mm?
I had the weed clippers
in one hand,
I had the prize petunias
in the other.
And the dear girl looked me
right in the eye and said...
Both: "Auntie, at least you
still have the blue ribbon!"
[ Laughs ] [ cellphone rings ]
Pardon me a moment.
It will give us
a chance to catch up.
Hello. Yes, Mr. Moreau.
[ Exhales softly ]
So, my dear Charlotte,
where have you been
all these years?
Oh, you know, traveling.
I always wanted to see
the world.
How have you been, auntie?
Oh, well enough,
in spite of my pains,
what with our dear William
gone these eight years
come April.
Oh, don't look so sad, girl.
It'll pucker your looks.
I miss him, that's all.
Yes, well...
He never blamed you
for running off like you did.
But the drink helped
to console him.
I loved him, auntie...
very much.
And he loved you, dear...
fiercely.
One has to love fiercely
in order to die
of a broken heart.
Don't you agree?
[ Keller sighs ]
I am so sorry, your grace.
That, uh, was my employer.
There's been an incident
in Boston
that's made him more cautious
about our next shipment.
Oh. Well, I'd best go take care
of some details.
Instead of next week,
we'll be taking it
out tomorrow.
That's not gonna be
a problem, is it?
Sophie.
You have something
you want to ask me.
I, uh... yeah.
[ Sighs ]
How real is this, uh...
this duchess persona?
Where are we exactly
on your side of things?
Oh, no, no.
E-e-everything's okay.
Yeah, I mean, uh, you know,
Keller is shipping
his antiquities out of London
in the morning,
we have to finish forging
a 200-year-old book that has
to hold up to expert scrutiny,
and take over an auction
that's gonna start
in five minutes
and deliver to Keller
a treasure trove of antiquities
that we don't actually have.
Piece of cake.
Plus, we're one step closer
to Damien Moreau.
Okay, Hardison,
I need that book...
Now.
[ printer whirring ]
Hey, man,
Sophie said, "flawless."
Now you're saying, "fast."
You two need to have a
conversation and figure it out.
Uh, fast.
Go with fast.
Okay, but the glue
on this binding...
it takes two weeks
to dry naturally.
Now, a hair dryer is too hot
and too powerful.
It'll curl the pages
and melt the spine.
I managed to find
a manicure dryer,
so you're just
gonna have to wait.
And as stunning
as my work is...
stunning, I say...
it's still a rush job.
It'll pass
the first inspection,
but it won't hold together
for very long.
[ Groans ]
Okay, Eliot,
what's your status?
I'm meeting with Keller's
transport guys right now.
Hey, guys.
How are you?
Hi.
I, uh... I'm under orders
to inspect your facility
before we can move the...
the things.
I see where you're coming from,
and I respect your work.
Thank you.
But we've only got two jobs today.
One is to accompany you
to your lady's storage bin
and empty it of its contents.
The second is to take it back
with us.
We won't be needing
your accompaniment
on that second leg.
Okay. [ chuckles ]
I got to...
I got to call it in.
Uh...
[ Dialing ]
One second.
Nate, these guys want me
to take them
straight to Sophie's
secret stash.
What the hell am I
supposed to do with them?
Stall. Stall.
Um, yeah, uh, London city tour.
You're good at that.
You want me to stall them?
They're former
British paratroopers!
How... how do you...
Haircuts, all right?
It's very distinctive haircuts.
Keller: Your grace.
I've checked
into the book collection.
You checked them?
Asked around.
Personal diaries
from the colonial era.
They have no idea
what's in there...
What that diary is worth.
[ Laughs ]
They think it's just
the rambling fantasies
of a love sick girl.
[ chuckles ]
Parker!
Parker!
What?!
Hey, is Sophie a princess?
Parker, just...
did you take care
of the auctioneer?
Yeah. Sophie told me
to find out
his deepest wish and give it to him.
Yeah, yeah.
But I thought that would take
way too long, so...
Does this rag smell like
chloroform to you? Hmm?
What?
He's gonna wake up
in like three hours.
Come on.
Eliot: [ chuckling ] That's insane, man.
Red light means stop.
Just like in the States.
It's the same thing.
I should've known that.
I don't want to lose your boys.
Are you sure you know
where you're going?
I know exactly where I'm going, man.
It's just really tough. I don't... I don't...
it's hard. These streets
are really confusing, man...
the streets of London.
The other side.
Exactly.
You're meant to be on the other
bloody side of the road.
[ Horn beeps, tires screech ]
Whoa!
Okay.
That's not my fault.
Lot 456.
This exquisite ming dynasty vase
was once smuggled out
of mainland China
in a donkey's saddlebag.
It resurfaced decades later
in the private collection
of a Hong Kong billionaire,
where it was left
virtually unprotected
by a subpar laser-grid
security system.
Parker!
[ clears throat ]
Reserve price... £500,000.
Can I have
a starting bid, please?
Okay. 550.
And do I have 600?
Yes to the toupee
on the right, yes.
An antique enamel
and 16-karat-gold jewelry box
made right here in London.
And let me tell you something...
it's worth a lot more than you'd
think just by looking at it,
especially if you consider
the 16 angry henchmen
who are gonna be following you
through the gardens
of Versailles
if you pick it up, ok?
You know what I'm saying?
[ Clears throat ] Parker.
Lot 739.
A stone elephant crafted
by Peter Carl Fabergé
for his imperial highness.
Hang on a second.
Let me see that?
Yeah, no.
That's a fake.
[ Shatters ]
Okay. You're here, finally.
Whew! "Finally"?
"Finally"?
You are looking at the Leonardo
Da Vinci of forgery, my friend.
[ Breathes heavily ]
It's all packed.
All right.
The box has to pass, too.
Yeah.
Okay, and you can
track Keller's money
back to Moreau's account,
right?
Okay, but remember, Keller
has got to go big or go home.
I can follow his bid back
to the shell companies,
but it has to be big enough...
250,000 at least.
Okay, quarter of a million.
Let's go.
Stretch it out, stretch it out.
We're up, Parker.
Oh, out y... go ahead.
Thank you.
All right, lot 872!
We've got a collection
of old books from the 1700s.
Do I have a starting bid?
I've got a starting bid.
Whew! Ooh.
You all right, there, fella?
Okay.
Okay.
All right, I see I have
a phone bid of £150,000,
someone who loves
to read old stuff!
Yeah! All right!
[ coughs ]
So, do I hear 160?
Okay, Sophie,
we've got to get Keller
to bid at least £250,000.
Anything over that,
and Hardison can trace the money
back to the source,
and we can find Moreau.
Isn't it too much?
200.
£200,000!
Okay, we've got 200.
Anyone?
You like that?
Oh...Uh, yeah.
You want to get with that?
You got to win the books.
She loves the books.
Really?
Oh, yeah.
220.
220! Oh! Hey!
All right!
Love a man in a pink shirt!
Not afraid to wear color.
It's a good sign.
What?! Why, that little toe rag.
That's a family heirloom.
How dare that little
low-class trash
bid on our
ancestor's journal?
Quite right.
260.
260. Going once...
280.
Wait! That's too much.
At...280.
220...
that was romantic.
You know, 280...
she's gonna think you're a sap.
280.
Sophie!
300.
[ Gavel rattles ]
Going once, twice, sold!
300. Great. Thanks for comin'.
[ gavel bangs ]
Eliot: That was confusing,
wasn't it?
All the... what do you call
those things? 'Round-'rounds,
rounded...
roundabouts, whatever?
You guys won't have those
in the States.
What language was the signs?
[ laughs ]
At least you guys
speak American.
Or, I... well, I mean,
I know you speak English.
That's southern humor.
Uh...
Oh, keys. Keys.
Did I leave them in the van?
Mnh-mnh.
You don't think so?
[ Sniffs ]
It's genuine.
Thank you.
Whoo!
What?
What?
[ Beeping ]
Money transferring...
Now.
[ high-pitched beep ]
Ha.
This is the first day
of your new life as a baron.
Shall we go and see
the Earl marshal?
Oh, I'll be seeing him,
thanks,
as soon as I
bloody well please.
Uh, you'll need
my letter of introduction.
I had a chat
with the countess yesterday.
She told me all about
your little royal scandal.
Apparently, having you with me
would ruin my chances
of advancement.
I'll take the book, thanks.
That's all I need.
What about our deal?
Oh, right.
[ Dialing ]
Ennis: Hello?
Ennis.
Are you still at the storage unit?
Mm-hmm.
Clear it out.
And their man...
shoot him.
Throw him in the Thames.
[ Beep ]
If it had been a snake,
it'd have bit me.
[ Gun cocks ]
Oh.
It really hurts me to have
to do this to you...
- I've quite enjoyed your company
this afternoon. - Listen....
But I'm gonna need you to open
up the storage unit now.
Listen, let me explain
something to you.
This thing...
there's nothing in here, okay?
My boss is... is running a con
on your boss, man.
I don't need this.
I didn't sign up
for this, okay?
This...
this thing is empty.
I don't care if it's empty.
[ British accent ] I've quite
enjoyed your company today...
As well.
Yes, Mr. Moreau.
I'll be in Rome in two hours...
usual spot.
Could you finish up
on the phone, please, sir?
Could we, uh, possibly
speed things up a little bit?
Can't miss my flight.
Urgent business.
I'm sorry, Mr. Keller.
We're going to have
to detain you.
This is a very expensive piece
that I bought at auction.
Here's the paperwork.
Right.
Well, this says you purchased
a couple of books.
It doesn't say anything
about wooden Russian icons.
Well, that's because
I didn't buy any icons.
No...
You didn't buy them.
[ Whistles ] What?
Parker, what do you got for me?
Ooh, some great Russian icons,
17th-century.
And [Sighs]
Statue, gold guy.
Okay, perfect.
Statue of Ra.
Bring it to me.
Oh, and, uh, bring those icons.
I have an idea.
Cheeky bitch.
Well, that ain't all, mate.
You just paid £300,000 for a forgery.
[ frame thuds ]
This is, uh...
this has all been
a misunderstanding.
You can tell it
to Scotland Yard.
They want to ask you
about the other antiquities
you tried to smuggle today.
What?
Here we go.
This way, sir.
Well, what's all this, then?
It's a misunderstanding.
And what's in the storage unit?
Nothing.
It's bloody empty.
Well, we'll see about that.
[ Whistles ]
If that's what
you call nothing,
I'd sure like to see
something.
I don't know how you did it,
but thank you.
Thank you very much.
You've touched so many lives
without even knowing it.
Well, it's what we do.
Oh, hey.
[ Speaking Arabic ]
[ Speaking Arabic ]
High five.
Boom!
Thank you so much.
The storage locker
was not empty.
No.
In fact, it was filled
with stolen artworks,
antiquities.
Yeah. I read that
in the paper.
Your own personal stash?
That storage locker was filled
with some of the very first
things I ever stole.
You got a lot of buried secrets
in London, don't you?
Archaeology of crime.
Well, at least
I now know your real name.
Unh-unh, no.
That's not my real name.
"Charlotte" was my stage name.
Hmm.
Any news on Keller's
auction payment?
Oh, yeah. In my trace,
I peeled back 10 layers
of security
off an airborne Wi-Fi
connection... airborne.
You might be the greatest
of all time, man.
Did you find anything?
Yeah, I found 10
shell companies,
one of which is actually
a promising lead.
It's called
Slap Shot Investments
run by Mark Vector.
Mark Vector, the hockey player?
"The enforcer"?
Great. Let's get him.
That's the problem.
He struck a deal with the feds.
He's protected.
What are you...
what... what's the smile?
What are you smiling at?
What... what is that?
Oh. Oh, no. No, no, no.
Oh, yeah.
Let's go steal
a federal witness.