Leverage (2008–2012): Season 3, Episode 11 - The Rashomon Job - full transcript

Each member of the team recalls the story of an artifact all of them tried to steal on the same night five years ago.

There was no way
that either of you

were within 100 miles
of that place!

You were tapping away
on a computer somewhere.

You were in a cave
in Afghanistan, probably.

You guys came up
with this idea together?

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

What... what...
what's going on?

...Been to Boston,
man.

We'll close.

What is this?

I thought we were supposed to
be, uh, finding Moreau.



This is more important.

More important?

We don't find Moreau, I might
go back to prison forever.

Oh, shush. You did fine
in prison the first time.

You got into shape.
Yeah, you look good in a jumpsuit.

Learned how
to hypnotize people.

We're talking about
the dagger of Aqu'Abi.

Oh.

The dagger of Aqu'Abi...

10th century,
four perfect emeralds,

six rubies, gold filigree.

It was a gift from
a shah of Persia to a sultan.

Two dead guys.
Whatever.

And why are we...
shh, shh, shh, shh!



That's why.

The dagger of Aqu'Abi
is on display

here at the Boston Museum
of Art and Antiquities

for the first time since it was
stolen from this very gallery

five years ago.

That. Stolen.
Five years ago.

I stole it!
I stole it! I stole it!

The rich and powerful
take what they want.

We steal it back for you.

Sometimes, bad guys
make the best good guys.

We provide...

O-okay, okay, okay, okay.

The dagger of Aqu'Abi?

On display at the Boston Museum
of Art and Antiquities?

Stolen five years ago?
You were all there that night?

Didn't realize it till just now
when the show came on.

And when I started telling them

about one of my finest jobs
ever...

Yeah, but I know she's lying.

She's a grifter.
It's her job.

Wait, I'm confused.
Now she's lying about lying?

No, no, no.
Wait, I've got an idea.

We let Nate decide.

We tell him what happened
that night,

and he decides
who the real criminal is.

Fine by me.

Well, I mean,
you're all criminals.

Me, I got no choice.

You understand...
it was the perfect plan.

I ran a long con for the entire
four months of the exhibit.

Two... not one...

but two
separate identities.

First, the duchess
of Barrington-Highsworth.

As the duchess,
I donated art to the exhibit

so my pieces would be mixed in
with the dagger.

Where'd you get the art?

Oh, bits and bobs I nicked
over the years.

I made quite an entrance,
I have to say.

You're here!

She's here!

Ladies and gentlemen,

the duchess Alexia
of Barrington-Highsworth.

Thank you for donating
such wonderful pieces

from your collection.

Oh, you're too kind,
Mr. Gladstone.

But, really, it's nothing

compared to the magnificent
beauty of your dagger.

Now, who's this?

Edgar Gladstone.
Financier. Filthy rich.

Owns the dagger.

Bit of a crush on me, of course.
Yeah.

Problem is, that's when Coswell
decided to show up.

Coswell?

Museum head of security.
Very clever.

Have to dodge him.
You'll see why in a bit.

Now, shoo.

Duchess, do you mind
if I speak with Mr. Coswell?

I want to make sure security
is locked down tight.

Is there cause for alarm?

I've had three pieces of art stolen
from me in the past year.

It's the last night
of the exhibit.

I want to make sure
they don't cut any corners.

Of course.

Gladstone's little chat with
Coswell gave me a chance...

Ooh. Thank you...

to look for someone.

Miss? Excuse me.

Please, could you send this
over to minister Bioko

with my compliments?

Robert Bioko.

Zimbabwe art minister.
Yes, I've dealt with him. Quite nasty.

By reputation,
a blood-diamond dealer,

embezzler,
and more importantly,

very allergic to shrimp.

If you don't mind, I'll...

Oh!

Oh! Pardon me, ma'am.

Gosh. Did... did I get some
on your dress?

Uh, not at all. No.

Dr. Wes Abernathy.

Doctor.

What's your PhD in?

I'm a surgeon, actually.

I, uh, I fundraise
for the museum.

After a long day
of saving lives, I like to...

I like to appreciate beauty.

You're very forward,
Dr. Abernathy.

What was that?

Just a little power surge.

Help! He's choking!
Hey! Somebody help!

Oh, dear.

There's shrimp in this.
Are you allergic to shrimp?

I am allergic to shrimp!

Okay, everybody stand back!
I'm a doctor!

His throat's closing up!

I need a knife!
Somebody give me a knife!

Thank you.

Don't worry, my friend.

Death will not claim you
this day.

Come on! Live!

Come on! Live!

I needed Gladstone's key card

to get access to the shipping
and storage area.

Gladstone
has 24-hour access.

My other identity...

...Does not.

Shoo.

Dr. Karen Ipcress

from the restoration
department.

Hey, I've been bringing you
coffee and doughnuts

for four months now.

You still have to do that?

Sorry, doc.
Got to check everyone tonight.

You don't usually work nights.

Oh, when the exhibit closes,

we have to process 200 items
to be shipped out

to 63 museums
and private owners.

They asked me to help out.

Dr. Ipcress.

You don't work nights.

Oh, hi, Mr. Coswell.

I didn't expect you
down here so early.

The gallery's closed
because of a medical emergency.

So, we have to process
the exhibits right now.

My men will scan the artifacts,
tag them...

green to be returned
to their owners,

red to stay here in the vault
until collected.

Green items will then be packed
according to their lot numbers,

shipped out to the proper owners
by armored car.

No unauthorized personnel in...

Or out.

I wanted to talk to you.

How long have you
been working here?

Uh, four months.

I saw my first duchess
upstairs.

She...

You look...

I'll be right back.

- Did she say where she was going?
- No, sir.

Today is too important.

We are not letting her
slip through our fingers!

You!

Yes, Mr. Coswell.

Have you seen Dr. Ipcress?
No, sir.

Call me
as soon as you find her!

Yes, sir.

Brilliant, isn't it?

Ahh...

Well, you...
you didn't steal the dagger.

You see, first,
every item is catalogued.

And Gladstone's dagger is placed
into one of the crates

containing
my personal collection.

Then the crate is shipped
directly to the safe house

in London...

Lot 21 to London on
British air, leaving in an hour.

...All under armed guard
provided by...

The museum.

Yeah, that's a good plan.

Yes. It was
the perfect plan.

Except...

No!

...The dagger
wasn't in the shipment.

So, yes, wait...
I did steal the dagger.

I just didn't get to keep it.

I think I can explain it.

Pardon me, ma'am.

Did I get that on your dress?

No.

Yep.

No!

Oh! Pardon me, ma'am.

Did I get any on your dress?

Not at all.
All right.

I'm Dr. Wes Abernathy.

Hmm.
Pleased to meet you.

Now, I'm gonna tell you
how I stole the Aqu'Abi dagger.

A dagger doesn't really
seem your style.

Yeah.

Well, it was actually
more of a favor.

Come on.

Yeah.

Come on.

Hello, Gutman.

Spencer.

I figured you'd be the one
to pick up.

Why are you sending second-rate
thugs to try and kill me?

If I'm not honest with you,
you can't improve.

You let me down.

You didn't deliver
the sapphire monkey.

You didn't tell me
it was in north Korea.

Tell you what... I'll
make it up in trade. Shh.

A client of mine, for whom
I move rare merchandise,

has asked me to arrange
a retrieval.

A dagger.

Where?

It's in Boston. Tonight.

That's why I'm asking.

I'll text you the details.

Get me the dagger
and we're even.

Say no...

I'll keep sending men
until one gets lucky.

You know what I got to do?

Don't talk.

What?
Don't talk.

I know it's your first instinct
to talk, but don't.

Your best course of action
is to nod.

Wh...

Nod.

I'm gonna need
a couple things from you.

I need your clothes,

and I need your little invite
to this party.

Is can go two ways...
you can give them to me,

and I can stuff you
in the trunk of this car,

which, by the way,
looks pretty comfortable.

Not a bad night.

Or you can
not give them to me...

And I can do exactly

what you'd expect a crazy guy
in your back seat to do to you.

That's the right choice.

I'm gonna need your glasses.

So what was your way in?

The exhibit's closing.

That means all this
is being shipped out.

Weakest spot of any transport

is when the object's transferred
to the vehicle.

I need to get downstairs.

Excuse me.

Thank you.

Oh!
Sorry.

'Allo, 'allo.
What's all this, then?

Dr. Abernathy.

Cor blimey.

You're a bit of all right,
ain't ya?

Buy us a drink, will ya?
Drinks are free.

Wait, wait.
What's that voice?

That's horrib...
What is that?

It's your accent.

That's what I sound like
to you?

Right. Okay, fine.

I want to go back
and change my story.

Oh!
Pardon me, there, Missy!

Ain't you as pretty as a little
filly in the moonlight?

Doc Abernathy here.

Wait, wait, wait.
What... wait.

What was that?

That's ridiculous.
Shut up.

Sophie, you told your story.

It's my turn
to tell mine, okay?

Well, it's not fair.

Drinks is free?

Bleedin' hell, that makes me
a cheap date, didn't it?

What was that?

I thought I was passing out.

I-I do not feel well.

He's choking!
Hey! Somebody help!

Ooh.

Cor blimey, gov'nor!

That there's loaded
with sea roaches!

That's British
for "shrimp."

We have a different word
for a lot of things.

It's a bit stupid, innit?

I am allergic to shrimp.

Oh, dear.
That's all right.

He's a bleedin' doctor.

Oh, I... I'm not...
My throat!

Uh...Okay.

Here. Come here.

Do you have a corkscrew?
And pull the blade out.

Pull the blade
out of the corkscrew.

I'm gonna need you to calm down, sir.
Wait, wait, wait!

I'm gonna have to
do this real quick.

Just calm down, okay?

All right, duchess, I need... pills.

Pills.

Oh. Yeah.

That's better, buddy.
Put that in your mouth.

I need to get this man
to a comfortable place.

Do you have an office
I can use?

We have a first-aid station
right on this floor.

Perfect. Come
with me, sir. Get up.

Where the devil did I...

What's going on?
Medical emergency.

Listen, perhaps we should close
down the exhibit.

Everyone's very upset.

You just stay here.
I'm a doctor.

That doesn't make sense.

All right.

There you go.
All right? Okay.

Thank you.
You are a lifesaver.

Yeah. You got it, man.
No problem.

I am in your debt.
All right.

I am... I am in your debt.
Stay there.

I am in your debt!
You got it.

I wanted to talk to you.

Oh.

How long have you
been working here?

Four months.

I saw my first duchess
upstairs.

She...
You look...

I'll be right back.

Did she say
where she was going?

No, sir.
Today is too important.

We are not letting her
slip through our fingers!

You! Have you seen
Dr. Ipcress?

Who?
Ipcress!

Weird eyes, funny hair.
Hmm?

You sure you haven't seen her?
No.

Go! Call me
as soon as you find her.

Lot 21 to London on
British air, leaving in an hour.

This one goes on my truck.

You stole it!

You stole it from me!
Yes, I did.

Well, technically,
you didn't have it.

It was en route.

That's like stealing my mail.

What, is stealing mail a crime?

Oop.

Your little smash-and-grab
ruined my perfect plan.

Well, whatever it takes
to get the job done, babe.

Well, you didn't exactly
get the job "done," did you?

So, you didn't get it?

Well, what happened to the guys
who you owed money to?

Well, Gutman
had a lot of enemies.

They rolled him on some kind
of racketeering thing

a couple of weeks later
and took the heat off me.

Pretty much forgot
about that till tonight.

So, I-I steal the dagger
from the museum,

you steal the dagger
from my truck.

Well, then who...

Uh, Hardison,

is there something you want
to share with the class?

Okay, Sophie has it first.

Then Eliot has it.

Or does Eliot have it?

Sophie never had it.

And then we have Hardison.

I don't buy it.

Doesn't seem like
your kind of crime.

No, not typically.

But the museum installed

a Tanuki security system
straight from Japan.

Tanuki. Not bad.
Tough system.

Yeah. It's got
a sick encryption system

that protects
both the database and the alarm.

Now, five years ago,
whoever cracked that first

was gonna be
like a hacker legend, man.

But to prove I did it,
I was gonna need a trophy first.

Now, remember,

WI-Fi networks weren't as common
back in the day.

So I had to
get in the building somehow.

So I just hacked
the museum's e-mail

and grabbed the invite
of some random dignitary.

Name, sir?

Yes, I am minister Robert Bioko.

Thank you.

Okay. Now what?
W-what's that?

Oh, this?

I'm telling my computer
at my Nana's hou...

my... my... my... my house.
Your... your what?

Your house. Mm-hmm.
My house...

to, uh, execute
a brute-force attack

against the Tanuki's firewall.

See, that'll soften it up

so when I get physical access,
not so tough.

But until then,
I does what I do.

Hey, come here, girl.

Uh, uh, you want
to come to my...

Well, I live with my Nana, but
we can go to your spot, though.

Unh.

Shake it one time, baby.

How you doing, girl?
Watch out now!

My dear, to you.

To you.

Thank you.
Thank you.

Power surge.

That's the Tanuki system
resetting.

It means
my backdoor's in place.

But you still have to get access
to the mainframe.

You can't do that
from out here.

Minister, are you all right?

I feel faint.

Oh, do you have a-a
first-aid room or a back office?

Y-yes, yes, yes.
Through that door.

Oh, I do not feel well.

Ach!
There's shrimp in this!

You really can't tell?

Americans! Every accent
sounds the same to you.

I-I just...

I'm sorry. Go on.

I... I sound like one of the
dwarves in "Lord of the Rings,"

but please continue.

Ach!
There's shrimp in this.

You're allergic to shrimp!

I'm allergic to shrimp?
I...

I got it.
Come here, buddy.

Hey, hand me that knife.

I'm gonna have to cut you, man.

What the hell?

No, no, my pills! I'm a doctor, man.
Don't worry about it.

My pills, my pills, my pills.
Don't worry. I got you.

Oh.
I'm good. I can breathe.

Let's get you somewhere quiet,
man, where there's no witnesses.

Wait a minute.
Those weren't pills?

No, man,
they were breath mints.

You were about to slice a hole
in my throat.

I had to
think of something.

That explains it.

Just take it easy.
Just lay down there. Thank you.

You smell peppermint?

I smell peppermint.

Are you sure?

Yeah.

It's a very distinctive smell.

I'm gonna
go sharpen this knife,

maybe walk around the halls
in the dark.

Don't leave.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.
See, right now,

I'm punching a hole
in the museum database.

And now into
the shipping information.

See, there. There.
Right there.

There's the dagger of Aqu'Abi.

So you're gonna change the
shipping address, like Sophie.

No. I'm gonna make sure
it never leaves the museum.

Vault.

Good. Now I just
have to wait for them

to get done with the inventory
and go pick up my dagger.

Impressive.

Too slow.

What are you doing there?

I-I-I'm patrolling, sir.

You recognize her?

Uh, no.
No, I do not, sir.

This was a screwup.

This is why I am who I am.

I live this job.

It is the only thing
I care about.

We are gonna fix this.

"Absotively, posilutely," sir.

What was that?

Holy...
call for backup!

Hey, hey! You all right?
You okay?

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey! Let me out!
Let me out of here!

Hey!

What are you doing?!

Where are you going?!

Hey!

Let me out!

I don't believe it.

I beat you.

And I beat you, too.

And nothing else matters.

Why does
nothing else matter?

It doesn't. It just...
it just doesn't...

"nothing else matters."

What else doesn't matter?

You're just real inquisitive,
aren't you?

Just asking questions...

Bunch of questions.

All right.

Ha!
I knew it.

Hey! Still beat you!

Nothing else matters!

And you two, y'all... y'all
were nasty. I remember that.

Uh, what are you... this...
he's lying, man,

because... look,
somebody took the dagger

out of the museum that night.

All right.

Now, Sophie
didn't have the dagger.

Eliot didn't have the dagger.

Hardison
didn't have the dagger.

Still beat you.

Yeah.

What?! I'm a thief!

Okay, so what's your way in?
Shh!

This is my favorite bit...
the first few seconds.

My gear's under
the refreshments table

next to the ventilation shaft.

I wait until
there's a distraction.

Then I get downstairs.

Then I wait for the dagger
to be exposed and make my move.

Excuse me, are these free?

You want one of them
squishy things?

All right.
Suit yourself.

Mm.

...My dingaling.

I hate you all.

Here you go.
Free booze.

Thanks.

Miss?

Miss?

Aren't you supposed to
have drinks on a tray?

What if I wanted,
oh, say a drink.

This is a very important day.

I-I...

You should probably go back
and get some more refreshments

for the guests, miss, uh...

I'm sorry.
Where's your name tag?

On the refreshment table
by the refreshments,

where I'm going now.

Huh. Somebody just punched
a hole in the security system.

Uh!

Yes, I'm... yes,
I'm allergic to shrimp.

Oh,
you said "shrimp."

That didn't
sound like "shrimp."

I think his throat's
closing up!

You're gonna have to
open his airway!

What? No, no, no!

Mnh-mnh. No, no, no!
I got to open the airway.

Mnh-mnh. I can breathe!
I can breathe! It's a miracle!

I got this.
I got this.

Are you kidding me?!

Okay, plan "b."

Have you seen
Dr. Ipcress?

I don't know,
Mr. Coswell.

She just took off.

What do you mean,
"she just took off"?

Did she say
where she was going?

No, sir.

Today is too important.

We are not letting her
slip through our fingers.

Vault.

Hyah!

Call for backup!

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Roof, here I come.

What the what?

Nice try.

Ow!

Ah!

Ohh!

No.
That's what happened.

I told you. That Coswell guy,
he's smart.

He could be
even smarter than Nate.

No, no, because, see, the dagger
was still reported stolen.

Somebody got up out of there
with Aqu'Abi.

Well, that means
that one of us is lying.

So says the liar.
You.

Excuse me?
Where there's smoke, there's fire.

I couldn't even understand
what you were saying.

Nate?

I think you're all forgetting
to ask yourself

the one central,
crucial question.

What?

Well, the question is,
who was the insurance company

for the dagger of Aqu'Abi?

No.

You got to be kidding.
Come on, man.

Why don't you come over

and let me tell you
what really happened?

I'll admit it. I didn't quite
have all of it.

I mean not until this very second.

But now I can finally tell you
what exactly happened

the night the dagger of Aqu'Abi
was stolen.

I have to say,
our security is pretty great.

Yeah. I don't doubt that,
Mr. Coswell,

but Edgar Gladstone
has had three items stolen

just in the last year.

Now, I.Y.S. is not gonna pay
on that dagger.

Gladstone's inside.
You want me to introduce you?

No, no.

I'm gonna be going
to the security office.

Okay, meet you there.

Swell, uh...Meeting you there,
Mr. Ford.

Ah.

Oh, miss. Excuse me.

Please, could you send this over
to minister Bioko

with my compliments?

Whatever.

That duchess
sure is pretty.

Could we focus on business,
please, Coswell?

Sorry.

Oh. Thank you very much.

Oh!
I'm sorry. Excuse me.

Are you all right?

It just tastes funny.

I'm doc Abernathy.

Oh.

Miss. Miss, miss!

Should I have a drink?
I am on duty.

Ah, what's wrong
with wanting a drink?

Very special day or, uh, night.

I...

Would you mind
just giving me a ehhh glass

just to get my courage up,
miss, uh...

Oh, no, I'm sorry!

I-I...
where's your name tag?

On the refreshment table
by the refreshments,

where I'm going now.

You're allergic to shrimp?

Yeah, yeah.
I'm allergic to shrimp.

His throat closes,
he's gonna die.

Hey, hey.

I'm gonna have to cut you.

Hey, hey.

Hey, Dr. Ipcress!

What a pleasant surprise!

You don't, uh, work nights.

Although, you're so diligent.

Of course I expected you
to be here.

Oh, hi, Mr. Coswell.

I didn't expect to see you
down here so early.

Eh, gallery's closed
'cause of a medical emergency.

Oh, dear.

Um...

So we have to process
the exhibits right now.

Uh...Dr. Ipcress,

I was wondering
if we could talk.

Hmm? Oh, of course.

Um, while we've been
working together...

How long
have you been working here?

Oh, uh, four months.

Uh,
w-what I mean to say I...

There's all these
fancy people upstairs.

I just saw a duchess, and she...
you look way better.

I'll be right back.

Stupid! Stupid!

Stupid, stupid, stupid,
stupid, stupid!

Okay, plan "b."

I don't know,
Mr. Coswell.

She just took off.

What do you mean,
"she just took off"?

Did she say
where she was going?

No, sir.

Today is too important!

This is the last day
she's gonna be working here.

It's not your fault.

I am not gonna let this girl
slip through my fingers!

Oh, hi...You.

Have you seen Dr. Ipcress?
Who?

Ipcress?

Pretty eyes, funny
little ponytail in her hair?

No.

You sure you haven't seen her?

Okay, go. Uh, call me
as soon as you find her!

Okay.

Coswell, what was that,
uh, food poisoning?

Kind of a weird coincidence...

Last night of the exhibit.

Huh. Uh...

Okay, well,
I'll go check that out.

Mr. Ford,
do you have a wife?

Yeah.

Seems a shame
to let these go to waste.

Oh, hi.

What are you doing,
working late?

I'm... I'm just patrolling,
sir.

Recognize her?

No, sir, I don't. No.

I screwed up.

I let her get away.

This is why I am who I am.

I live for this job!

It's the only thing
I have in my life to care about,

and I thought, "you know, boy,
it's time to fix this!"

Right, right.
You need a tissue?

What was that?

Holy...

Uh, uh, call for backup!

Hey. You okay, buddy?
You all right?

Hey!
Uh, uh, hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey!

Hey, don't worry, buddy.
I'll get us out of here.

This yours?

Wow.

We have some really well-stocked
supply closets here.

I'm gonna have to write a nice
note to the janitorial staff.

Uh...

Okay, I'm, uh...

Oh, boy.

Coswell, are you there?

There's a bunch
of unsecured doors down here.

Oh. Hi.
Oh, hey.

Oh!

Oh!

You okay?

Oh, butterfingers!
It was my perfect plan!

Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Wait, wait.

Assuming we buy this...

Poor Coswell.

...There's one problem
with your story.

The dagger was still
reported stolen.

Because it was stolen.

Wait, wait.
Here he is now. Goodbye.

I've just reported the dagger
stolen to the police.

They'll be here any second.

I'm really sorry about this,
Mr. Gladstone.

Sorry!

You had the girl
in your hands!

This robbery is the worst loss
I have ever ex...

Hey!

Oh!

I don't know much about gold.
It's not supposed to do that!

Worst loss, Mr. Gladstone?

Is it worse than
the first three pieces of art

you don't understand.

Why do you think I'm here?

I'm here to figure out
why it is

you've had so many expensive
pieces of art stolen

that I.Y.S. has had to pay for.

Well, now we know.

What you do is you sell the
originals on the black market,

and then you stage
a very public theft of the fakes

so that you can
collect the insurance.

You're double dipping.

That's, uh, that's a bad boy.

Please.

Please, I'll be ruined.

I'll...I'll do anything.

Anything?

Anything.

Well, you'll...
you'll definitely pay back

the settlements
of the previous items.

Have you sold the dagger yet?
No.

Okay. Then, uh, I.Y.S. will
take the dagger as an asset.

And I'd like the dealer.

Yeah. Oh, you're small potatoes,
Gladstone.

Yes. No, I want the man
you've been hiring

to move your art
and fake these thefts.

As soon as he finds out the
dagger wasn't stolen, he'll run.

That's a good point, Coswell.

We'll keep the story
of the theft.

I.Y.S. just won't
pursue the case.

So, as of right now,

the dagger of Aqu'Abi
has been stolen.

So none of us got it.

None of us got it.

Wait. Did it work?
Did you get the dealer?

A client of mine, for whom
I move rare merchandise,

has asked me to arrange
a retrieval.

A dagger.

Where?

It's in Boston. Tonight.

You took out Gutman?

You're welcome.

So we just did
all that work for nothing.

Not for nothing. No.

You know, you guys,
sometimes it's easy to forget

why it is
you stopped working alone

and became a team.

Here's why.

The dagger is now owned
by Nigel Hayton,

C.E.O. of Baron Oil.

Baron Oil is, of course,

responsible for the latest
oil spill in American waters.

And now this display
has sparked protests.

Mr. Hayton, do you think
it is appropriate,

as thousands lose their jobs

because of
your company's negligence,

to be showcasing the profits
of that company?

On the contrary.

I think sharing my
art collection with the people,

the little people,

is a wonderful way of showing
how much Baron Oil cares.

Baron Oil cares.

I care.

Dibs.

Unh-unh.
I bagsy it.

Not if I get there first.

Ah, what the hell?