Leverage (2008–2012): Season 2, Episode 1 - The Beantown Bailout Job - full transcript

The team have bored themselves out of their minds while split-up inactive, even committed break-ins just for the kicks, so they invade Nate's place hoping he'll hand them another case. Although reluctant to be stuck with them, especially at home, he gives in 'just once' after witnessing bank employee Matt Kerrigan nearly dying with his child in a car hit and run as diversion for the theft of incriminating documents. They work out the bank, about to be taken over by the government to settle unsurmountable debts, is a front for an Irish mob. However it soon becomes clear the criminal hierarchy is dramatically different from what Nate assumed, so they must improvise.

[♪]

Ah, Douglas, just the man
I wanted to see.

Give my résumé
a once-over,

will you?

Your résumé?

What's that about?
What, you...

You want to go back to work?
Yeah.

I just can't take it anymore,
Douglas.

Sitting alone
in that basement all day.

To be honest with you,
I'm starting to have some...

very strange thoughts.



Really. Huh.

Hadn't picked up on that.

So, this going
to land me a job,

or what?

Well, my first
thought is,

you might not
want to do it

in magic marker.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Hmm...

and which
Little Rascal

were you?

Onions, beloved by millions,

till that bastard Alfalfa
took it all away.

All right, this,



see, I got to throw
a flag on this, okay?

Somebody's going
to check with NASA.

That's for me
to worry about.

All I wanted

was for you
to double-check

my spelling
and grammar

and not nitpick

at every
little detail!

Okay! Fine!

You spelled
GPA wrong.

Other than that,
it's perfect.

Thank you.

♪ My eyes are gettin' weary

♪ My back is gettin' tight

♪ I'm sittin' here in traffic

♪ On the Queensborough Bridge
Tonight ♪

♪ But I don't care
'Cause all I want to do ♪

♪ Is cash my check
And drive right home to you ♪

♪ 'Cause, baby, all my life
I will be drivin' home to you ♪

So there I am,

watching TV
with my mom,

and I turn to her
and go,

"Hey, when is
Aunt Gwinnie

getting here?"

So I hear Larry King
on the TV say,

"She'll be with us at 7:00."

See, he was talking
about a guest.

Uh, I think it was Joyce Dewitt
or Cindy Williams.

I always get those two mixed up,

but it sounded
like he was answering me.

That's so weird, isn't it?

I wonder where Doug is.

I bet you
wish to God

you hadn't lost
your house key.

No, no. This is...

This is nice.

Did you read
that thing in The Times

about how some men can lactate?

That was
awesome!
I'm telling you,

it's a rush every
time you get on.

Hey.
Hey, babe.

What's up?

Oh, not much.

I was just out riding
on Richie's hog.

Okay. Please rephrase that.

I got a motorcycle.

Really?
Yeah.

It's unbelievable.

We went from here
to, like, Modells and back

in, like, two minutes.

It's so fast.

You zip in and out
through traffic,

and I got to level with you.

There was a breeze
blowing up my shorts

that felt like Christmas.

Very nice. House key, please.

Oh, right.

God, that was
so cool.

Everybody's looking at you,
like, whizzing by...

and then,
out of nowhere,

Richie just pulls
this wheelie.

I wasn't going for one.
You just leaned back.

Uh, you know, from here,

it sounds like Mr. Doug

wants to buy himself
a motorcycle.

You know what?

I am a little
tempted.

Moose, you should see the guy
that I got mine from.

He's got some real beauties
cheap,

and they run like new.

You know what?
Give me his number.

Maybe I'll--
[IMITATES BUZZER]

You're not getting
a motorcycle.

Why not?
Okay, Doug,

did you not hear
my buzzer noise?

This is not
going to happen.

Why not?

Because they're
too dangerous,

and people
die on them.

I don't want

to have to constantly
worry about you.

Yeah, but, Carrie,
I wouldn't--

Doug, no motorcycle.

If you want,
I'll buy you a Schwinn,

we'll put
a baseball card

in the spokes,

It'll sound
almost the same...

Okay?

Screw that noise.

I can get one
if I want.

Okay, Doug,
give me your hand.

I want to make this
easy for you.

No.

No.

Now, give me
the keys.

I don't want to miss
The Real World.

I love you.
Don't be home late.

Bye, guys.

Goodnight, Carr.
Bye-bye.
Bye.

What?

Nothing.
So, uh...

you want to
shoot some pool,

Mrs. Heffernan?

Yeah, we could
spot you two balls.

Hey, so much
for traditional gender roles,

huh?

I'm going to use
the bathroom.

So, yeah, you want
to shoot a game?

For real.

No. You know what? No, thanks.

Come on, man,
we're just kidding around.

It's not you.
It's Carrie.

I mean, what was
that about?

"No. No discussion."

[IMITATES BUZZER]

Sorry.

[IMITATING BUZZER]

Sorry!

Easy. Easy.

I just thought marriage
was supposed to be

this mutual sharing
dialog thing.

No.

Well, you know what?
Ours is. Usually.

Oh, really?

Last year, uh...

Where was it
you wanted to go on vacation?

Baseball Hall of Fame.
Baseball Hall of Fame.

Cooperstown,

and, uh,
where'd you end up going?

Antiquing
in Connecticut.

So you did,
and, uh, last week,

when we were renting movies
to watch with the wives, uh...

what did we end up renting?

I don't know.

I can't remember.

No, no. What did we rent?

I don't know.
What did we rent?

Hope Floats, all right?

There it is! Hope Floats!

You see what I'm saying?

You're married.

Don't fight it.

You just got to...

Focus on a point
on the wall and...

let it happen.

No. No, you know what?

You focus. Not this guy.

I'm picking up my own soap,

and I'm getting
out of the shower.

Soap?

What the hell
are you talking about?

I don't know.
What are you talking about?

She's pretty
sweet, huh?

Oh, that she is.

Richie's right.
You, uh...

You do nice work.

Yeah.

I hollowed out
the cams,

put in bigger
piston heads.

You know, give it
a couple more horses.

Good. Yeah,
because I, uh...

I probably would've
hollowed them out myself.

Now I don't have to.
That's good.

So, you want
to do the deal?

Hmm. I don't know.

What do you
want for it?

1200.

Hmm.

It's a nice bike,

but I don't know
if it's 1200 nice.

1200.

It is nice.

Still, I don't know,
you know?

1200...

What are you
looking for?

I don't know.
Here's 1200.

Darling, I need
to borrow the iron.

Dad, I told you.

If you want
a grilled cheese sandwich,

I will make you one.

No, no.

I just wanted to press my pants.

I got a job interview
in the morning.

Really?

Good for you.

What for?

Head of Pediatrics,
Long Island Jewish.

Great.

Sure hope you don't get it.

Okay, I think I know
where that came from.

Now, look,

I love you.

When I go
back to work,

you will not become
a latchkey child.

That is
my pledge to you.

[MOTORCYCLE REVVING]

[REVVING]

Hey, babe.

Hi.

What happened?

I thought you were
coming home

right after work.

Uh, actually, I stopped...
somewhere first.

In fact, I, uh...
I need to talk to you.

Let me just get dinner started
real quick.

Uh, dinner can wait.

I want to get this out now.

Dinner can wait?

Okay.
Now you're really scaring me.

Well?

What?

Carrie,

sometimes in a marriage...

[CLEARS THROAT]

there comes a time when...

one of the...

members of that marriage

needs to express
themselves

in a way that--

Douglas,

that is one bad-ass motorcycle
you got out there.

Nice work, kiddo.

You got a motorcycle?

Can I finish my story, please?

You got a motorcycle?

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! I got a bike.

I got a bike.
I got a bike.

There, I said it.
I don't care.

I said it. It's out there.

By the way,
Douglas,

did Carrie tell you
I got a job interview?

Honey, you can't run from this.

Daddy needs to work!

Douglas, get her.

Have you lost
your mind?

And we discussed this.

No, no, we didn't
discuss it.

You discussed it.

I barely got
a sentence in.

Doug, I specifically forbade you
from buying this.

Forbade me? Forbade?
You can't forbade me.

Are you insane?

I mean, what the hell
do you think you're doing here?

I knew you would
overreact like this.

Look, I just wanted one.
Huh? It'll be fun.

Fun? Really?

Will it be fun
when you're in a wheelchair?

Maybe.

This is going back tomorrow.

No,
it's not going back tomorrow.

Oh. Oh, it is.

Uh-uh. It's not.

It's s going back.

It's so not
going back.

Hey, Doug, not only
are you stupid for buying this,

but you're arguing about it
in a really annoying way.

Tough noogies.

Look, I'm keeping
the motorcycle.

For once,

I'm wearing the pants
in the family.

Fine.
Fine.

Keep the damn bike.

I will.
Fine.

I will.
Fine.

I will.

And by the way,

if you want to
wear the pants,

you might think
about pulling them up.

Well, peaches,

I think
congratulations are in order.

Your father
got himself a job.

Well, I'm going to assume
it's not the head of Pediatrics.

No, no.

Unfortunately,

they did
a little fishing around,

so instead, I accepted an offer
from an enterprise

known as "A Big Hot Pretzel."

Well, the important thing is,
you still get to work with kids.

Congratulations.

I'm proud of you.

Thank you.

The pay's not great,

but they agreed

to let me
work evenings.

That way,

you and I can have
our days together.

I'd love to, Dad, but you know,
I work during the day.

Come on, darling.

You're going to have
to be flexible

if we're going
to make this work.

Okay, well, I guess
my only other option

is to quit my job?

That's my girl.

Sewing kit?
Here we go.

Got to let
the crotch out

on these trousers.

After all, I'm selling pretzels,

not myself.

What's up?

Hey, babe.

Kiss?

You, uh, you want
to know where I was?

I was...

I was out cruising.

Good for you, sweetie.

I was on my motorcycle.

I know. I know.

I'm fine with that.

You are?

Yeah, you know, I had
a good night's sleep,

thought things through,

and I figured, hey,
you know what?

If a motorcycle
makes you happy,

then I'm happy too,
because you know what?

Life's too short

not to do the things
that make you happy.

Right?

Right.

So, you want to split
an egg roll?

Do you?

All right...

What are you
doing here?

What? Oh. Oh, this?

I'm just doing
what makes me happy.

Oh, you know what?

These are so smooth.

We've come a long way, baby.

So you're going to get cancer
to make a point?

Sure. I'll be in an iron lung,
you'll be in a wheelchair.

Hey, you know what?

Maybe we can chip in
and share a helper monkey.

Well, you know what?
It's not going to work.

You can smoke
all you want.

I don't care.

Well, I'm glad
you feel that way, sweetie.

Oh, I do.

I do. I do. You know?

Look, I'm not going
to play games, Carrie.

I'm not going to that place
where you want me to go here.

If you want to ruin your lungs,

then that's...

All right.

Put her out.

I can't eat in that stink.

Well, then go eat
with your motorcycle,

because I likes to smoke
while I eat.

Fine. You know what?
I will. I will.

You know what?

I will,
and you can smoke all you want,

because I'm keeping
my motorcycle.

Duck sauce.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

[REVVING]

[TIRES SCREECH]

Oh, don't mind me.

I'm just looking for something.

Oh, thank God.

You know,

if you lose one
of these things,

it comes right out
of your paycheck.

I already owe them

for that stupid soda machine.

So, uh... you...

You still enjoying
the chopper?

Hmm?

Oh, uh, yeah.

It's great.

Don't let Carrie
get you down.

You know, when I
had my motorcycle,

her mother was
the same way.

You had a bike?

Sure. Loved it too.

The great open road.

Rumble of your
machine.

Camaraderie of your
gang brothers.

You were in a gang?

Not really.

I asked them
to let me in,

but they drank
heavily all weekend

and beat me
pretty severely...

Okay.

and I think
I may have been compromised

by a gentleman named...

Road Dog.

[MOTORCYCLE REVVING]

God, I hate you!

Carrie!

Up here.

Hey.

Want to have sex?

I'm getting rid of the bike.

You are?
Mm-hmm.

Selling it tomorrow. You happy?

Well...

yeah.

What happened?
You get sick of it?

No. Sorry.
I didn't get sick of it.

You got sick of it.

No.
Yes!

No. Let me tell you something,
Carrie, okay?

I love that bike, okay?

I'm a free spirit on that bike.

Me and that bike are like this,
okay?

Then why you getting rid of it?

Why, you ask me?

Because it
just so happens

that I love this...

more.

This is why

I'm getting rid
of the bike,

and no other reason,

and you know what?

If you can't
understand that,

then...

how sad your
world must be.

Ah, there she is.

The harpy who made her husband
sell his motorcycle.

Dad, please.

Please, nothing.
I know why you did this,

but let me tell you one thing.

Motorcycle or no motorcycle,

I'll find a way to get to work.

Dad!

I'll take the bus if I have to.

Sure, the bus can't pick me up
at my front door

or make my tushy feel good
with its rhythmic vibrations--

Dad, wait.

Would you just listen to me,
please?

I'm glad you got a job.

I made Doug get rid
of the motorcycle

because they're
way too dangerous.

Uh-huh.

Well...

you know what's
more dangerous?

What?

Having somebody
resent you

for making them
give up their dream...

and you know what's
even more dangerous?

Leaving a pair
of boxer shorts

drying
on a space heater,

so if you'll
excuse me...

Aah!

I sold you.

Oh, shoot.
You're home already.

I didn't
get a chance

to put the bow
on it yet.

Well...

here.

What...

What have you done?

I felt really guilty

about making you
sell it,

and I didn't
want you to hate me

for the rest
of your life, so...

I bought it back.

You bought it back!

That's...

You bought it back.

So what's the deal?

I don't get
a hug for this?

Oh, yeah!

Yeah.

Now...

no riding at night,

no riding
on the expressway,

and no riding
in bad weather.

You got it?

Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, wait.

I have another
surprise for you.

They just keep coming,
don't they?

Now we can go riding together.

Look at me.

I'm Pinky Tuscadero.

Come on.

Let's take it for a spin.

Let's bust some heads, baby.

Okay.

Come on!

Okay! Yeah! Okay!

All right.

Honey, don't you
need to, like...

start it
or something?

Funny story.

Uh, hey, get ready
to laugh.

It turns out
I hate the bike.

What?

I hate it.

Hey, let's go
buy you a gift.

Come on.

Doug!

What do you mean
you hate the bike?

I thought you
loved this thing.

I don't love it,
okay?

I mean,
I get rained on,

people laugh at me,

and at night,
no one can see you.

At night, you're
going to die.

You might as well just face it.

You're going to die.

Well, then what was that
load of crap you gave me

about how much you loved it,

but you loved
this more?

I was embarrassed, all right?

I was just trying
to get out of this

with a shred of manhood.

And you thought you'd do that

by making me feel guilty
for the rest of my life?

It felt right at the time, yeah.

What is wrong with you?

I fell there!

Look, it was your fault too.

My fault?

Yeah, that...
That buzzer noise
is so insulting, you know?

I don't like it when you do it
in front of my friends...

and I really don't like it
when you do it during sex.

Anybody would've buzzed you
on that one.

Hello. It was dark.
I was disoriented.

Okay.

I'm sorry I buzzed you
about getting the motorcycle.

I just did it
because I love you.

I know. I...

I love you too. Come here.

All right.

Well, let's see
where we're at

with this thing.

We got a bike that we don't want

that we bought twice

and I'm addicted to smoking.

Yeah, but we, uh...
We still got this, right?

Hmm? Oh, yeah.
We still have this.

Okay, um...

I guess
I'll just call Dirk tomorrow

and see if I can get
my 800 bucks back.

Eight?

You, uh, you
got the bike for eight?

Yeah. He wanted 1200.
Can you believe that?

That's ridiculous.

[SHOWER RUNNING]

Hey, honey.

Hey.

How you feeling?

Great.

This nicotine patch
really works.

It's like,
"Cigarette?"

"No, thanks."

Good. I'm glad
you feel that way.

You know, I think
we're getting

a little low
on shampoo.

Can you pick up
some later?

You got it.

Oh, and don't forget,

we're having dinner
with Deacon and Kelly

on Thursday.

[♪]