Legends of the Superheroes (1979): Season 1, Episode 2 - The Roast - full transcript
Ed McMahon hosts this special gathering in which the greatest DC heroes are roasted and toasted by some of their greatest enemies, lesser known colleagues and family members.
(male narrator) "Legends Of The Superheroes."
For centuries, the world has been protected
by a group of extraordinary men and women
who have dedicated themselves to fighting crime.
Ladies and gentlemen
the world's mightiest mortal.
(Captain Marvel) 'Shazam!'
(male narrator) Endowed with the wisdom
strength and courage of the Gods
Captain Marvel fights a never-ending battle
against evil.
Guardian of the universe and possessor
of an incredible power ring, the Green Lantern
has the ability to perform amazing feats
against evil-doers.
Sentinel of the skies
winged phantom of the night
the Hawkman fights the evils of the present
with the weapons of the past.
[shrieks]
Combining beauty, wisdom and physical prowess
the Huntress fights a constant battle
against crime and injustice.
Joy of the oppressed, wonder of the multitudes, the Flash.
This crime fighter is swifter the speed of light.
Fleeter than the rapidity of thought.
With the uncanny ability to generate
earth-shattering sound waves
the Black Canary fights a relentless battle
against criminal injustice.
With his reckless grin, devil-may-care courage
and incredible gymnastic skills
Robin the Boy Wonder
is Batman's crime-fighting companion.
His symbol, a frightening creature of the night.
His disguise strikes terror into the criminal heart.
Batman, the Caped Crusader has pledged his life
to fighting the forces of evil.
Somewhere, in a secret hideout
located on a remote island
the arch enemies of our superheroes
have gathered to hatch a diabolical plot
to destroy the world.
[indistinct chatter]
(Mordru) Uh, may I have your attention, please?
[indistinct chatter]
- Now, now-- - Attention!
Attention, ladies and gentlemen!
I, uh..
I should like to call
this meeting to order.
I, Mordru, Master of the Universe
command you
to come
to order!
[clamoring]
I said, order!
[zapping]
Now...that I have your attention
we'll proceed.
The secretary will call the roll.
- Riddler? - Roll call! Riddle me this.
What humanoid creature was spawned in a swamp
and is feared far and wide for his brute strength?
Hey, Solomon Grundy
he's calling you.
How I know?
He talk funny.
Oh, the Riddler, that's the way he talks.
One more time.
What humanoid creature was spawned in a swamp
and is feared far and wide..
[Solomon Grundy grunts]
Can we assume Solomon Grundy is here?
[laughing] Oh, yeah.
Hmm.
Uh, riddle me this.
What villain is the sworn enemy of the Green Lantern
and uses his power ring
for evil?
Sinestro.
[zapping]
(Riddler) I'm beginning to think
this is a thankless job.
Riddle me this.
What master villain
can terrorize
good people everywhere
with his villainous control of the weather?
[laughs]
Weather Wizard.
[zapping]
[wind whooshing]
[laughs]
That ought to do it.
[shivering]
C-c-could you guys just-just answer
with your, with your name, please?
[Riddler gasping]
What, what seven-foot woman
used to be a gorilla in a zoo
until an evolution machine turned her into a living beast?
She is the strongest woman in the wor..
[choking]
[coughs]
I'll..
I'll mark Giganta.
[gasps]
[coughs]
- Hey, Mordru. - Yes?
What do you say we elect some new officers?
Okay, okay, okay.
[sighs]
What..
What evil geniu..
(Mordru) 'Yes, continue.'
What evil genius has perverted all his scientific knowledge
to crime and has created the doomsday device
and will destroy the world?
That's is me. That's is me, he's talkin' about, yeah.
I, Dr. Thaddeus Bodog Sivana.
[laughs]
Behold, my fellow villains!
[dramatic music]
[Dr. Sivana laughs]
I press this simple button..
[laughs]
...and in exactly one hour
every living creature in the world will be destroyed.
Except us.
Including our mortal enemies
the Superheroes.
[all laughing]
♪ Look what we have ♪
♪ A thing of beauty ♪♪
(Dr. Sivana) Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut.
And we will leave some clues.
Clues that will eventually lead them here
to our domed retreat
and the doomsday machine!
- Lead them here? - 'Da.'
Ah, but too late. But too late, but too late..
All the clues, they'll just be traps.
Delaying tactics tantalizes them
into thinking they can stop us.
[laughing]
(Mordru) 'Yes, yes.'
But who is now best suitors
to arrive, uh, to assume..
To assume to come up with clues, huh?
The man, yes, the man of words.
The artful creator of puzzles.
None other than the Riddler!
[whooping]
[clamoring]
[applause]
(Dr. Sivana) 'Give them the best clues.'
Riddler, give them the best clues.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
Don't.. Wait, don't rush me.
Wha-ah, uh.. This takes creativity.
I am a genius.
But Rome wasn't built in a day.
Yes, yes, my boy, but don't forget.
Don't forget the world is going to be destroyed in an hour.
Alright, alright.
But it's not gonna be my best work.
I've got to think, I need time
to think, I've got..
I've got it!
[gasps]
And it's beautiful.
It's beautiful.
[laughs]
If Shakespeare had had my mind
there's no telling how far he would've gone.
It's beautiful.
[whooping]
[indistinct chatter]
[instrumental music]
Fellow Superheroes
or in deference to the ladies
uh, Super-persons
we're gathered here tonight
to pay tribute
to one of our former colleagues.
And perhaps, the greatest superhero of all.
When many of us were..
...still in short leotards
this man was saving the world
virtually single-handed.
Let's have a warm, super-welcome
for...Retired Man.
[cheering]
(male narrator) The fellow hasn't been the same
since he tried to stop that speeding bullet.
You'd better get this room levelled.
That's better.
I wish you'd quit calling me Retired Man.
I want people to remember me by my old name.
The name that struck terror
in the hearts of villains everywhere.
The Scarlet..
...um..
Cyclone.
Something like that.
- Uh, Scarlet Cyclone-- - That's it!
A gratitude.. Ahem.
A gratitude for all your past services to mankind.
Uh, or in deference to the ladies, person-kind..
...we've all chipped in for this little token of our esteem.
Here you are.
Read the inscription.
- "Bulova". - No, the other side.
Are you kidding?
I can't read that without my glasses.
But you're wearing your glasses.
I am?
Oh!
Well, then I can read it.
[alarm blaring]
(Robin) Holy interruption!
There's something coming in
over at the message center.
Well, bring it here, laddie booby.
Thank you, Robin.
"The button's in a secret room.
"Find it and you're free from doom.
"You'll never make it is what we're betting.
'Cause 50 minutes is all you're getting."
Hmm, what does it all mean?
I'll tell you what it means.
It's diabolical.
If Shakespeare had had the Riddler's mind
there's no telling how far he would have gone.
What about the message?
Oh, the message can mean only one thing.
The villains have set off
a doomsday device.
And if we don't find it and stop it in 50 minutes
the world will be destroyed.
- Where is this doomsday device? - 'I don't know.'
But we must find it.
Now, I think we can cover more ground if we split up.
What if one of us finds it? How will we tell the others?
That's a good question.
I know. There's a gas station just down the road.
Leave any information that you find there.
Superheroes..
...disperse!
[upbeat music]
Come on, Robin, to the Batmobile.
[music continues]
[zapping]
[engine revving]
(male narrator) Could it be the Superheroes have finally met their match?
Don't go away.
In a few moments
I think they shall be looking for a little road-side service.
[laughs]
And you
Solomon Grundy
are going to give it to them.
[grunting]
Mm. No, no, no, that's no good.
That's no good. They're sure to recognize him.
[laughs]
Oh, no, no, no!
Not with this.
As long as he wears this hat
his face will appear
completely different
to anyone
who sees him.
[Mordru laughs]
Oh!
Just like "Heaven Can Wait."
Just put on the hat!
You know what to do.
[grunts] Grundy know.
Grundy bust Batmobile.
[laughs]
Well, he's certainly got the spirit.
[instrumental music]
[tires screech]
Alice! Girl, you won't believe what I just saw.
This guy with funny ears and a cape..
Yeah, and he's with this little dude
in hot pants and leprechaun shoes.
Yeah, they just drove in.
Holy smoke, Batman!
- May I help you? - Yes, we're in a big hurry.
- Can you fix the car? - Sure. I fix.
Oh! I see problem.
Loose part.
Are you sure you're a licensed mechanic?
Sure. Says so right here.
- Solomon Grundy! - Solomon Grundy!
[grunts]
I've been looking forward to this
for a long time, Grundy.
(Robin) 'Holy overmatch, Batman!'
'No one can handle Solomon Grundy.'
[dramatic music]
[grunting]
Well, I'll just crank it up a notch.
[grunts]
[grunts]
Good trick, Batman. Now he thinks you're hurt.
- We better get going. - Oh, not yet, Robin.
I've got a score to settle.
[both grunting]
(Batman) It's not whether you win or lose
it's how you play the game.
[grunts]
Cheap shot, Batman! Let's go!
We have more important things to do.
Well, maybe you're right, Robin.
We'll meet again, Grundy.
I be waiting.
[laughs]
(Dr. Sivana) Yeah, that should slow them up for a while, yeah.
Alright, alright! Let's get started on the next one.
How about it, Riddler?
- Yes, yes, yes. - 'Don't yes me!'
- 'Have you got any ideas?' - Yes.
I've just been working it out with Sinestro here.
See you later.
[giggling]
I'll be seeing you in a minute.
[dramatic music]
[mumbling] "Saving the world is.."
[laughing]
[zapping]
What's this?
"Saving the world
"is up to you.
(Green Lantern) '"Find your fortune.'
'That's the clue."'
Fortune?
(male narrator) Will this clue lead the Green Lantern
to the doomsday device?
[dramatic music]
"Find your fortune."
"Find your.. Saving the world is up to you.
"Find your fortune. That's the clue.
Find your fortune. Find you.."
What can that possibly mean now?
Fortune! That must be it! Oh.
Quick. I'm trying to find a secret location.
Um, can you tell me where I'm supposed to go?
Go? Did you say go?
I see that you are going on a seven-day cruise.
- Seven-day cruise? - With a beautiful brunette.
Uh, look, look, I-I don't wanna meet a brunette.
Make it a blonde. These cruises are dynamite.
'Oh, forget the crystal ball.'
This isn't getting us anywhere.
I-I've got to know where I'm supposed to go.
The fate of the world depends upon it.
Then why didn't you say so?
There's only one thing to do.
- What? - Analyze your handwriting.
Write what I tell you.
We don't have time for that.
Of course, we do.
This is the only way I can tell you where to go.
- Oh, okay, okay, I.. - Write.
What? Wh-wh-wh-what should I write, uh?
On the sunny side
of the street..
- 'You know something?' - What?
This is very interesting.
You see the large loops?
- On your E's? - Mm?
The way you extended the tail of the Y.
The way you omitted to cross the T?
You're obviously an introvert. Withdrawn.
Don't want people to get to know you too well.
Oh! You can tell all that from my handwriting?
Of course, from your handwriting and your mask.
I use my mask in my work.
You do?
Well, then you're obviously a burglar
or the Lone Ranger.
I am not a burglar.
Well, then give my regards to Tonto.
Look, time is running out.
Yes, I know.
I've got to know where I'm supposed to go.
Very simple, pussy cat.
The answer, my friend, is in you palm.
You ha..
Oh-ho!
Ooh-hoo!
Ha!
That's a very interesting ring
that you have there.
It will have to come off.
- Wait a minute! - Whoa!
You're wearing a very unusual ring, too.
That can only mean one thing.
- We're engaged! - 'You're not a gypsy.'
- 'Oh!' - You're Sinestro!
Right, Green Lantern.
In the brightest day and the darkest night
no evil shall escape my sight.
'Let those who worship evil's might'
beware my power
Green Lantern's light.
Not bad. How do you like this one?
♪ Mary had the little lamb the fleece was white as snow ♪
♪ Everywhere that Mary went ♪
♪ The lamb was sure to go ♪♪
Go for your power ring, Sinestro.
(Sinestro) 'Ah-ha!'
[zaps]
[zaps]
Well, nothing I can do but keep looking.
[zapping]
(Dr. Sivana) Well, look at that. Look at that!
- Fool! - Imbecile!
You better get him back here.
You ig..
Come out.
You fool!
You let him get away!
At least I slowed him up a little bit.
Why didn't you run after him?
Why?
Because it's not lady-like.
You guys are pathetic!
You couldn't slow down the losers in a three-legged race.
You think you can do better?
Just watch me.
[chuckles]
I think about now, Batman and Robin
might be looking for a new set of wheels.
[laughing]
(Mordru) Good luck, Weather Wizard!
(Dr. Sivana) Ja, ja, that's a good one.
Holy blisters, Batman!
If we don't get a ride soon
we'll never be able to save the world in time.
I've told you once, I've told you 10,000 times.
Robin, patience is a virtue.
Something will turn up.
What can turn up? We're out in the middle of nowhere.
Look over there, Robin.
What a stroke of luck, Batman.
A little too lucky, if you ask me.
This looks mighty suspicious, old chum.
What should we do, Batman?
There's too much at stake
to leave any stone unturned.
We'll just have to play along
and see where it leads.
Ah! Batman and Robin. Why, I'm honored.
What brings you to "Honest Al's Used Car Dealership?"
That's Honest Al's, at the intersection
of Lancaster and First
where the freeways meet in Downey
in the heart of Downtown Sylmar
the earthquake capital of the West Coast.
Si habla espanol.
Buenos dias, senor.
Owing to unfortunate circumstances, we find ourselves
in the need of some mode of transportation.
Nothing fancy, of course.
Holy time bomb, Batman! This is an emergency.
Now, Robin, we mustn't rush into this.
An automobile is the second biggest purchase
a person makes in his lifetime.
Next to his home, of course.
Yeah, well, I have just what you're looking for, boys.
Take a look at this little cream puff right here.
Now, you may not believe this
but this was driven by my own mom
on Tuesdays and Thursdays to church.
Tuesdays and Thursdays?
Yeah, those were bingo nights.
Top of the line.
Let's grab it, Batman.
Now, hold on a moment, young Robin.
We wanna make sure this vehicle's safe.
Holy Ralph Nader, Batman!
We don't have time for safety.
The world is going to blow up.
Robin, bordering safety
is the responsibility of each and every citizen.
Absolutely, Caped Crusader.
And this car here couldn't be safer.
Let me show you what I mean.
[laughs]
Well, this one happens to be equipped
with a new break-away door system
which, of course, is very safe
and makes for a quick escape
in case of an accident.
Well, I'm not too sure about this, Honest Al.
Yeah, I know how you feel.
Look, what you need to do is get in
and try it out for yourself.
Sit down, make yourself at home.
Try the horn.
[honks horn]
Great, the horn works. Let's take it.
Wait a minute, fellas. You got to try the heater.
The heater? It's the middle of summer.
Come on, Batman!
There's something to what the Teen Wonder says.
Oh, yeah?
Watch this.
[beeping]
Let that be a lesson to you, Robin.
You can never outguess mother nature.
Car looks fine. We'll take it.
Holy relief, Batman!
You know, uh, this beauty here lists for $399.95.
But, uh, I'll tell you what.
Maybe I could knock off a couple of bucks.
'You give me a $125'
'I'll lease you a payment for $36.50 a month'
for 42 months, uh..
It's a deferred payment price
of, uh, $962.35
'for an annual percentage rate of 18.5 percent.'
On approved credit, naturally.
Great! Give him the money, Batman.
Oh, but I can't. I left my credit cards in the Batmobile.
Well, wait a minute, uh.. How you fix for cash?
- Cash? - 'Yeah, what you got on you?'
Oh, I only have $50.
You see, I never carry more money than I can afford to lose.
Uh-huh. $50, huh?
Well, uh, this is your lucky day, pal.
Follow me. I got somethin' I'm gonna fix you up with.
You're gonna love it. Right this way.
Uh, hand me the green stuff first.
Oh, boy! You're gonna love this.
This was used by a cop in Pasadena
to bust up some of those bingo games
mom used to be at all the time.
We'll take it!
And smart you are, my friend.
This baby will give you years of faithful service.
[engine revving]
[laughs]
Okay, guys. Mission accomplished!
Those fellows won't last five minutes on that motorcycle.
(Mordru) Good work, Weather Wizard.
Good.
[dramatic music]
(male narrator) Will the Caped Crusader and the Teen Thunderbolt
fall victim to the villain's plot?
The world is at stake. Stay tuned.
[instrumental music]
[dramatic music]
Alice! You'd never believe what just flew in here.
Batmobile! Batman must've found out something.
You need help?
Oh, are you the station owner?
No, sir.
Did you see who left this car here?
No, sir.
Seems odd
but you've got an honest face.
'You ever heard of Batman and Robin?'
No, sir.
I know they're around here someplace.
I'm gonna look for them myself.
No, sir.
[grunting]
Alice, remember I was tellin' you about that gray big guy?
The one with the ugly face?
Yeah, well, he just jumped the one with the wings.
What do you mean, when am I comin' home for dinner?
I wouldn't leave here for a million dollars.
I got to see who's gonna show up next.
[Solomon Grundy laughing]
Now, we see Hawkman fly!
[laughing]
Fly, Hawkman!
[laughing]
[breathing heavily]
Faster, Batman. Faster!
She's wide open, Robin!
(Robin) Holy separation, Batman!
[upbeat music]
(Batman) Don't forget, Robin, keep it under 55!
Hello!
Hello!
Hello-o-o!
[sighs]
Alice?
Girl, you ought to see the mouth on this one.
Did you call?
I'm the Black Canary.
- Any messages for me? - No, ma'am.
Hmm, that's strange.
Haven't you seen anyone today wearing a cape?
No, ma'am. No capes.
Anyone with wings?
Uh, no wings so far today.
[rattling]
I can't believe that nobody's been here.
I mean, hasn't anybody been here who's a little...unusual?
No, ma'am. You're the first.
[rattling]
What was that?
I'd better check.
Excuse me, ma'am.
Solomon Grundy!
[grunting]
[grunting]
Alice, here's the latest.
Remember the guy, the ugly guy?
The one with the hat.
Yeah, well, now, you know
the one that had the guy with the wings?
Well, now, he's got the girl with the big mouth.
[music continues]
[all laughing]
- Hmm! - Ah!
Ah! That's great!
That's great!
I haven't had this much fun
since I whipped up Hurricane Hilda.
I think we should direct our attention
to a certain flying captain.
As always, the Riddler's anticipated you.
Leave it to me, skipper.
[dramatic music]
Ah, it's so beautiful out here.
Hmm, so quiet and peaceful.
It's so romantic.
Hmm, just the two of us...alone.
Ah, yes.
[dramatic music]
"If our device..
"...you wish to find..
"...just look inside..
"...your super mind.
Perma shave?"
The clue must be out here somewhere.
But where?
[sighs]
Wait a minute!
Those signs, that's it.
The secret's locked inside my super mind!
[sighs]
It must be the answer is locked inside
my subconscious.
But it would take a psychiatrist
to unlock that secret.
And where can I find a psychiatrist out here?
[beeping]
As you can see, I've been expecting you.
Do lie down, please.
Hmm.
Now, suppose we-we begin with your name.
What is your name?
- Captain Marvel. - Captain Marvel.
Did your parents give you that name
or did you pick it when you bought the outfit?
Well, actually..
...my real name is Billy Batson.
Hold on, hold on.
And what's all this business about Captain Marvin?
Captain Marvel.
Whatever, whatever!
You see, it was given to me by an ancient wizard.
Hmm. An ancient wizard?
Oh, suppose you can tell me about this ancient wizard
except the part about his weird sense of humor.
Look, I really don't have time for this!
You have to unlock a secret that's inside my subconscious.
All in due time, Captain Mervin.
- Marvel, Ma-Ma.. - Hold on. Hold on, here.
Now, it seems to me that you're a victim of an identity crisis.
First, your name is Marvel.
Then, it's Batson, now it's Marvin! What is it?
I mean, after all, it seems to me
that you, you are suffering
from a classic case
of split personality.
But you don't understand.
I have to save the world from destruction.
And delusions of grandeur!
Split personality can be a very dangerous thing.
Yes!
There are many manifestations
of the various aspects
of schizophrenia.
Aye, schizophrenia.
I distinctly remember the case
of-of Oscar Hinkry.
Aye, what a sad, sad lad was he.
And I might add, from time to time, woman.
Aye, it's a fortunate thing for you, my son.
Split personality happens to be my specialty.
- Well-- - Now who asked you, boy?
Now, what's wrong with you?
I know what I'm doin'.
I am the psychiatrist
you are the patient.
Never, never, I say never
interrupt me when I am talkin'!
- Sorry. - You did it again, boy!
What's wrong with you?
Now you want me to unlock the secret
of your subconscious
then you have got to just lie there
and you have got to listen to me!
[clears throat]
Well, hold on, hold on.
Now, how do you expect me to help you
if you're just going to lie there like some sort of dummy?
You must open up to me.
Doctor, you don't seem to understand.
I have to find the location of that secret doomsday device
and I've only got about 20 minutes.
You have 19, actually.
I'm going to play with him
much as a cat does a mouse.
I know. I'll let him know that he's looking for a lake.
[laughing]
Oh, then, suppose we play
a word association game.
I want you to say the first thing that pops into your mind.
- Uh, water. - Ocean.
- Eh, smaller. - Pond.
- Uh, Tahoe. - Reno.
Eh, uh, Salt blank City.
The blanks have a nickel coil.
- Uh, Veronica. - 'Lake.'
- Uh, Michigan. - 'Arizona!'
- Uh, desert. - 'Water.'
Lake! That's it!
It popped right out of..
...my subconscious.
Uh, you my...man
are looking for a...a lake.
- Ontario! - Ah..
Monties, Mounties!
Oh, darn, no!
My good man, don't you see you're looking for a lake?
- A lake! - Yes.
Then I'd better get going!
There must be a hundred lakes in this area.
Shall we say
a thousand?
[laughing]
Next!
[upbeat music]
(Robin) Come on, Batman. Get on.
(Batman) Thanks, Robin.
- Hey, Mordru! - What is it, Grundy?
When you bring me back to island?
Getting hungry!
We'll have you back
in about..
[beeping]
...ten minutes!
Okay.
Girl, now the ugly one's talkin' to God.
And, child, God's answering.
Solomon Grundy!
[grunting]
Hawkman! Black Canary!
[growling]
You can't scare me, Grundy!
I am the world's mightiest mortal.
[growling]
- Grundy mightier than you. - Oh, yeah?
Anything you do, Grundy do better.
Oh, yeah?
Let's see you beat this.
[swooshing]
[scoffs]
I thought you'd be impressed.
[grunts]
Grundy win easy!
[grunts]
[grunts]
[laughs]
I don't think so, Solomon.
Mine went a good 20 yards past yours.
[snarling]
You don't have to take my word for it.
Go see for yourself.
Okay, you wait here.
Hard to tell from here, Alice
but I think the one in the red suit
beat him by about 20 yards.
Did you find out anything?
Yes, the villains' hide-out is at a lake.
But there's no way of knowing which lake.
- The one with the island. - What?
I heard the ugly one mention somethin' about an island.
There's only one lake around here with an island.
Hidden Island Lake.
- We've got to tell the others. - There's no time!
Oh, yes, there is!
Go to Hidden Island Lake!
(Black Canary) 'Hidden..'
'...Island..'
'...Lake!'
[upbeat music]
Hey, they went that way!
(Batman) 'Thank you, sir!'
'Have a nice day!'
(male narrator) 'Our heroes are on the way. But is there enough time?'
[motorcycle revving]
Get out! Look out!
Oh! I can't believe it!
I can't believe it!
They know about the island. Look! Look!
Heavens! They're heading for the lake right now!
Just relax!
Mordru, they'll never get here in time.
You don't understand! There's too much at stake.
We've got to make sure!
If you will permit me
I believe I have the answer.
[chuckling]
Here. My latest chemical formula.
I have been waiting for the chance to try this out.
And the heroes, eh, one sip of this
they temporarily lose all their powers.
How are you going to get them to drink that?
The simplest thing in the world!
They're heroes, aren't they? Good guys, right?
Pussy cats. They're suckers for anybody in trouble.
[laughing]
Mordru, come here!
I have something I want to ask you to do for me.
Eh, sometime..
[indistinct chatter]
[instrumental music]
[snickering]
Good, I put a few droplets of this into the lemonade.
[laughing]
Ah! Perfect.
This way
I strip all of the Superheroes
of their powers.
[laughing]
I must be the first one here.
Uh, lemonade, mister?
Only five cents a glass.
I don't have time for that now, son.
Oh, please, sir, please!
My ma is sick, and I'm raising my brother and sister.
And we're gonna get evicted tomorrow.
And my father's in jail.
And my grandma croaked.
And they wouldn't bury my grandma
until I come up with the money!
Alright, alright. Here.
- Keep the change. - Thank you, sir.
Thank you, you wouldn't regret it.
Oh, you're gonna like it. It's good.
You're gonna like it. Drink up, sir.
Aw, thanks, sonny.
[instrumental music]
What happened?
I can't fly!
Lost my superpowers.
I've got to get to that island somehow.
[laughing]
Good! Good! Good! Good!
[grunting]
For you, my darling!
To you, my love.
[zaps]
[zaps]
What do you mean you won't buy my lemonade?
You creep, you.
Hey, everybody! This guy's some hero.
He's too cheap to buy a lousy nickel glass of lemonade.
Alright, alright!
- I'll buy it! - Okay, okay, sir.
Okay, sir. There, there you go.
[chuckling]
[instrumental music]
Hmm.
[laughing]
Ah, let's see now.
That's the Green Lantern.
Only got the Flash, Hawkman, Huntress, Black Canary..
Ja! That's the ganze group! Alles!
And all the heroes' power now is kaput.
[laughing]
Mm-mm, no, not me.
[laughing]
[upbeat music]
(Robin) Holy man overboard!
(Batman) Stay, stay close, chum.
Remember, never go swimming without a buddy!
Come on, these'll get us to the island.
Mordru! Mordru!
There goes the Dynamic Duo!
They're headed for the island.
You must stop them! Stop them!
Yes.
Well, in that case
I think I'll lead them
on a wild goose chase.
[grunts]
[instrumental music]
Hey, Batman, here I am.
[engine revving]
Get 'em. Get 'em! Don't let 'em get away.
He missed, you missed him! Look out, you're gonna miss 'em!
[blabbering]
[music continues]
Look out!
I tell you, look out. Oh, Mordru!
They're gonna get you. You're not doing too well!
Row.
Row.
Row.
[music continues]
Good, Mordru! Good, good!
They will never get to the island in time.
[laughs]
My doomsday device
will be successful after all.
[chuckling]
[music continues]
Look at them Superheroes.
They're nothing without their power.
[laughing]
Oh-oh, I will compose a great poem about this.
The world will finally appreciate me.
[laughing]
(Sinestro) 'Three minutes, there won't be a world.'
[laughing]
You mean
I finally have my moment of glory
and...no one will know.
[beeps]
Hey, you guys were terrific, terrific!
[laughing]
- Thank you. - Ah, don't thank him. Thank me!
- Thank me, it was all my idea. - Thank you.
- Thank you. - You were terrific too.
[clamoring]
Thank you, thank you.
- Thank you, my dear. - Thank you.
- Thank you. - Thank you.
- Thank you. - Thank you.
Thank Grundy.
Grundy pour.
Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait..
Who's gonna make the toast?
- Who's-- - Uh, who else?
Who else? To the doomsday device. Correct?
[chuckling]
Gentlemen, we've had our fun, the game is done.
The heroes, we've outclassed.
It proves what we've always said.
Nice guys finish last.
[all exclaim]
Toast! Toast!
- Mm.. - This tastes kind of funny.
Ah!
- I feel strange. - Huh?
Wait a minute, where-where did you get that stuff?
From this bottle.
- You big.. - My power!
Dope, you big dope.
You.. That's my formula!
That's what I gave to the Superheroes!
- No! - 'Yes!'
- Taha! - 'Yes!'
- Taha. - 'Yes.'
[growling]
My power! My power is gone!
(Sinestro) 'My ring!'
[whimpering]
Let's have a cloud burst!
That's it?
(Riddler) My mind. My mind!
What are we gonna do?
Hey! I'll tell you what you're going to do.
You, you, you, you, you, defend yourselves.
Robin, find that doomsday device!
Is there a doctor in the house?
Not so fast, little man.
Holy Amazon!
[growling]
[grunting]
I was ready for that, Grundy.
[groaning]
Get Batman!
- Get him. - Get him.
Don't worry, Batman, we're here.
But they don't have their powers either.
Take them!
Let's see how you do without your ring, Sinestro!
[grunting]
[groans]
Come on! Robin, you can handle her!
I can't hit a woman!
Oh, yeah? But I can.
Don't come any closer.
I've got my wand!
[laughs]
You broke my wand!
Why, you little..
Whoa!
Get 'em, guys! Get 'em! Don't be afraid! Get 'em!
D-d-don't-don't hit me in the head!
I'm a scientist.
[groans]
Excuse me, but may I cut in?
Well, be my guest, Marv.
- I'll go look for the Riddler. - Thank you.
(Mordru) 'I need power!'
'I have a recreation vehicle, too.'
[groans]
Oh, sorry.
I can't find the doomsday device, Batman!
Keep looking, lad. We've got to find it.
Hi, hi, Batman.
- Long time, no see! - Alright, Riddler.
Oh! Oh! Look, let's talk this over.
I mean, I'll immortalize you, I'll write a poem..
Oh, boy!
D-don't hit me! Don't!
D-d-don't hit me, Batman.
You have a brilliant mind, Riddler, but you're a coward.
- Well, nobody's perfect. - Where's the doomsday device?
Oh, is that all you want?
Ah, it-it's up there!
[chuckling]
- It's up there! - Wha..
(Dr. Sivana) 'Lady, don't hurt'
'my doomsday device.'
'It's my crowning glory!'
[whimpering]
Your doomsday device?
That's right, ja, ja.
- Batman. - Captain Marvel, my boy.
Uh, excuse me, my dear.
[groans]
Okay, let's take 'em away!
Good work, Marv.
Quick, Flash, very quick.
Good work, Greenie.
[grunting]
(Riddler) Look, listen to me, Batman. Wait, listen, listen..
(male narrator) 'Thanks to our Superheroes
'justice has once again triumphed over evil.'
'The chase is over!'
'Or is it?'
[instrumental music]
[panting]
I'm here
to save the world!
[grunting]
[grunting]
Oh, heck.
[music continues]
[music continues]
For centuries, the world has been protected
by a group of extraordinary men and women
who have dedicated themselves to fighting crime.
Ladies and gentlemen
the world's mightiest mortal.
(Captain Marvel) 'Shazam!'
(male narrator) Endowed with the wisdom
strength and courage of the Gods
Captain Marvel fights a never-ending battle
against evil.
Guardian of the universe and possessor
of an incredible power ring, the Green Lantern
has the ability to perform amazing feats
against evil-doers.
Sentinel of the skies
winged phantom of the night
the Hawkman fights the evils of the present
with the weapons of the past.
[shrieks]
Combining beauty, wisdom and physical prowess
the Huntress fights a constant battle
against crime and injustice.
Joy of the oppressed, wonder of the multitudes, the Flash.
This crime fighter is swifter the speed of light.
Fleeter than the rapidity of thought.
With the uncanny ability to generate
earth-shattering sound waves
the Black Canary fights a relentless battle
against criminal injustice.
With his reckless grin, devil-may-care courage
and incredible gymnastic skills
Robin the Boy Wonder
is Batman's crime-fighting companion.
His symbol, a frightening creature of the night.
His disguise strikes terror into the criminal heart.
Batman, the Caped Crusader has pledged his life
to fighting the forces of evil.
Somewhere, in a secret hideout
located on a remote island
the arch enemies of our superheroes
have gathered to hatch a diabolical plot
to destroy the world.
[indistinct chatter]
(Mordru) Uh, may I have your attention, please?
[indistinct chatter]
- Now, now-- - Attention!
Attention, ladies and gentlemen!
I, uh..
I should like to call
this meeting to order.
I, Mordru, Master of the Universe
command you
to come
to order!
[clamoring]
I said, order!
[zapping]
Now...that I have your attention
we'll proceed.
The secretary will call the roll.
- Riddler? - Roll call! Riddle me this.
What humanoid creature was spawned in a swamp
and is feared far and wide for his brute strength?
Hey, Solomon Grundy
he's calling you.
How I know?
He talk funny.
Oh, the Riddler, that's the way he talks.
One more time.
What humanoid creature was spawned in a swamp
and is feared far and wide..
[Solomon Grundy grunts]
Can we assume Solomon Grundy is here?
[laughing] Oh, yeah.
Hmm.
Uh, riddle me this.
What villain is the sworn enemy of the Green Lantern
and uses his power ring
for evil?
Sinestro.
[zapping]
(Riddler) I'm beginning to think
this is a thankless job.
Riddle me this.
What master villain
can terrorize
good people everywhere
with his villainous control of the weather?
[laughs]
Weather Wizard.
[zapping]
[wind whooshing]
[laughs]
That ought to do it.
[shivering]
C-c-could you guys just-just answer
with your, with your name, please?
[Riddler gasping]
What, what seven-foot woman
used to be a gorilla in a zoo
until an evolution machine turned her into a living beast?
She is the strongest woman in the wor..
[choking]
[coughs]
I'll..
I'll mark Giganta.
[gasps]
[coughs]
- Hey, Mordru. - Yes?
What do you say we elect some new officers?
Okay, okay, okay.
[sighs]
What..
What evil geniu..
(Mordru) 'Yes, continue.'
What evil genius has perverted all his scientific knowledge
to crime and has created the doomsday device
and will destroy the world?
That's is me. That's is me, he's talkin' about, yeah.
I, Dr. Thaddeus Bodog Sivana.
[laughs]
Behold, my fellow villains!
[dramatic music]
[Dr. Sivana laughs]
I press this simple button..
[laughs]
...and in exactly one hour
every living creature in the world will be destroyed.
Except us.
Including our mortal enemies
the Superheroes.
[all laughing]
♪ Look what we have ♪
♪ A thing of beauty ♪♪
(Dr. Sivana) Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut.
And we will leave some clues.
Clues that will eventually lead them here
to our domed retreat
and the doomsday machine!
- Lead them here? - 'Da.'
Ah, but too late. But too late, but too late..
All the clues, they'll just be traps.
Delaying tactics tantalizes them
into thinking they can stop us.
[laughing]
(Mordru) 'Yes, yes.'
But who is now best suitors
to arrive, uh, to assume..
To assume to come up with clues, huh?
The man, yes, the man of words.
The artful creator of puzzles.
None other than the Riddler!
[whooping]
[clamoring]
[applause]
(Dr. Sivana) 'Give them the best clues.'
Riddler, give them the best clues.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
Don't.. Wait, don't rush me.
Wha-ah, uh.. This takes creativity.
I am a genius.
But Rome wasn't built in a day.
Yes, yes, my boy, but don't forget.
Don't forget the world is going to be destroyed in an hour.
Alright, alright.
But it's not gonna be my best work.
I've got to think, I need time
to think, I've got..
I've got it!
[gasps]
And it's beautiful.
It's beautiful.
[laughs]
If Shakespeare had had my mind
there's no telling how far he would've gone.
It's beautiful.
[whooping]
[indistinct chatter]
[instrumental music]
Fellow Superheroes
or in deference to the ladies
uh, Super-persons
we're gathered here tonight
to pay tribute
to one of our former colleagues.
And perhaps, the greatest superhero of all.
When many of us were..
...still in short leotards
this man was saving the world
virtually single-handed.
Let's have a warm, super-welcome
for...Retired Man.
[cheering]
(male narrator) The fellow hasn't been the same
since he tried to stop that speeding bullet.
You'd better get this room levelled.
That's better.
I wish you'd quit calling me Retired Man.
I want people to remember me by my old name.
The name that struck terror
in the hearts of villains everywhere.
The Scarlet..
...um..
Cyclone.
Something like that.
- Uh, Scarlet Cyclone-- - That's it!
A gratitude.. Ahem.
A gratitude for all your past services to mankind.
Uh, or in deference to the ladies, person-kind..
...we've all chipped in for this little token of our esteem.
Here you are.
Read the inscription.
- "Bulova". - No, the other side.
Are you kidding?
I can't read that without my glasses.
But you're wearing your glasses.
I am?
Oh!
Well, then I can read it.
[alarm blaring]
(Robin) Holy interruption!
There's something coming in
over at the message center.
Well, bring it here, laddie booby.
Thank you, Robin.
"The button's in a secret room.
"Find it and you're free from doom.
"You'll never make it is what we're betting.
'Cause 50 minutes is all you're getting."
Hmm, what does it all mean?
I'll tell you what it means.
It's diabolical.
If Shakespeare had had the Riddler's mind
there's no telling how far he would have gone.
What about the message?
Oh, the message can mean only one thing.
The villains have set off
a doomsday device.
And if we don't find it and stop it in 50 minutes
the world will be destroyed.
- Where is this doomsday device? - 'I don't know.'
But we must find it.
Now, I think we can cover more ground if we split up.
What if one of us finds it? How will we tell the others?
That's a good question.
I know. There's a gas station just down the road.
Leave any information that you find there.
Superheroes..
...disperse!
[upbeat music]
Come on, Robin, to the Batmobile.
[music continues]
[zapping]
[engine revving]
(male narrator) Could it be the Superheroes have finally met their match?
Don't go away.
In a few moments
I think they shall be looking for a little road-side service.
[laughs]
And you
Solomon Grundy
are going to give it to them.
[grunting]
Mm. No, no, no, that's no good.
That's no good. They're sure to recognize him.
[laughs]
Oh, no, no, no!
Not with this.
As long as he wears this hat
his face will appear
completely different
to anyone
who sees him.
[Mordru laughs]
Oh!
Just like "Heaven Can Wait."
Just put on the hat!
You know what to do.
[grunts] Grundy know.
Grundy bust Batmobile.
[laughs]
Well, he's certainly got the spirit.
[instrumental music]
[tires screech]
Alice! Girl, you won't believe what I just saw.
This guy with funny ears and a cape..
Yeah, and he's with this little dude
in hot pants and leprechaun shoes.
Yeah, they just drove in.
Holy smoke, Batman!
- May I help you? - Yes, we're in a big hurry.
- Can you fix the car? - Sure. I fix.
Oh! I see problem.
Loose part.
Are you sure you're a licensed mechanic?
Sure. Says so right here.
- Solomon Grundy! - Solomon Grundy!
[grunts]
I've been looking forward to this
for a long time, Grundy.
(Robin) 'Holy overmatch, Batman!'
'No one can handle Solomon Grundy.'
[dramatic music]
[grunting]
Well, I'll just crank it up a notch.
[grunts]
[grunts]
Good trick, Batman. Now he thinks you're hurt.
- We better get going. - Oh, not yet, Robin.
I've got a score to settle.
[both grunting]
(Batman) It's not whether you win or lose
it's how you play the game.
[grunts]
Cheap shot, Batman! Let's go!
We have more important things to do.
Well, maybe you're right, Robin.
We'll meet again, Grundy.
I be waiting.
[laughs]
(Dr. Sivana) Yeah, that should slow them up for a while, yeah.
Alright, alright! Let's get started on the next one.
How about it, Riddler?
- Yes, yes, yes. - 'Don't yes me!'
- 'Have you got any ideas?' - Yes.
I've just been working it out with Sinestro here.
See you later.
[giggling]
I'll be seeing you in a minute.
[dramatic music]
[mumbling] "Saving the world is.."
[laughing]
[zapping]
What's this?
"Saving the world
"is up to you.
(Green Lantern) '"Find your fortune.'
'That's the clue."'
Fortune?
(male narrator) Will this clue lead the Green Lantern
to the doomsday device?
[dramatic music]
"Find your fortune."
"Find your.. Saving the world is up to you.
"Find your fortune. That's the clue.
Find your fortune. Find you.."
What can that possibly mean now?
Fortune! That must be it! Oh.
Quick. I'm trying to find a secret location.
Um, can you tell me where I'm supposed to go?
Go? Did you say go?
I see that you are going on a seven-day cruise.
- Seven-day cruise? - With a beautiful brunette.
Uh, look, look, I-I don't wanna meet a brunette.
Make it a blonde. These cruises are dynamite.
'Oh, forget the crystal ball.'
This isn't getting us anywhere.
I-I've got to know where I'm supposed to go.
The fate of the world depends upon it.
Then why didn't you say so?
There's only one thing to do.
- What? - Analyze your handwriting.
Write what I tell you.
We don't have time for that.
Of course, we do.
This is the only way I can tell you where to go.
- Oh, okay, okay, I.. - Write.
What? Wh-wh-wh-what should I write, uh?
On the sunny side
of the street..
- 'You know something?' - What?
This is very interesting.
You see the large loops?
- On your E's? - Mm?
The way you extended the tail of the Y.
The way you omitted to cross the T?
You're obviously an introvert. Withdrawn.
Don't want people to get to know you too well.
Oh! You can tell all that from my handwriting?
Of course, from your handwriting and your mask.
I use my mask in my work.
You do?
Well, then you're obviously a burglar
or the Lone Ranger.
I am not a burglar.
Well, then give my regards to Tonto.
Look, time is running out.
Yes, I know.
I've got to know where I'm supposed to go.
Very simple, pussy cat.
The answer, my friend, is in you palm.
You ha..
Oh-ho!
Ooh-hoo!
Ha!
That's a very interesting ring
that you have there.
It will have to come off.
- Wait a minute! - Whoa!
You're wearing a very unusual ring, too.
That can only mean one thing.
- We're engaged! - 'You're not a gypsy.'
- 'Oh!' - You're Sinestro!
Right, Green Lantern.
In the brightest day and the darkest night
no evil shall escape my sight.
'Let those who worship evil's might'
beware my power
Green Lantern's light.
Not bad. How do you like this one?
♪ Mary had the little lamb the fleece was white as snow ♪
♪ Everywhere that Mary went ♪
♪ The lamb was sure to go ♪♪
Go for your power ring, Sinestro.
(Sinestro) 'Ah-ha!'
[zaps]
[zaps]
Well, nothing I can do but keep looking.
[zapping]
(Dr. Sivana) Well, look at that. Look at that!
- Fool! - Imbecile!
You better get him back here.
You ig..
Come out.
You fool!
You let him get away!
At least I slowed him up a little bit.
Why didn't you run after him?
Why?
Because it's not lady-like.
You guys are pathetic!
You couldn't slow down the losers in a three-legged race.
You think you can do better?
Just watch me.
[chuckles]
I think about now, Batman and Robin
might be looking for a new set of wheels.
[laughing]
(Mordru) Good luck, Weather Wizard!
(Dr. Sivana) Ja, ja, that's a good one.
Holy blisters, Batman!
If we don't get a ride soon
we'll never be able to save the world in time.
I've told you once, I've told you 10,000 times.
Robin, patience is a virtue.
Something will turn up.
What can turn up? We're out in the middle of nowhere.
Look over there, Robin.
What a stroke of luck, Batman.
A little too lucky, if you ask me.
This looks mighty suspicious, old chum.
What should we do, Batman?
There's too much at stake
to leave any stone unturned.
We'll just have to play along
and see where it leads.
Ah! Batman and Robin. Why, I'm honored.
What brings you to "Honest Al's Used Car Dealership?"
That's Honest Al's, at the intersection
of Lancaster and First
where the freeways meet in Downey
in the heart of Downtown Sylmar
the earthquake capital of the West Coast.
Si habla espanol.
Buenos dias, senor.
Owing to unfortunate circumstances, we find ourselves
in the need of some mode of transportation.
Nothing fancy, of course.
Holy time bomb, Batman! This is an emergency.
Now, Robin, we mustn't rush into this.
An automobile is the second biggest purchase
a person makes in his lifetime.
Next to his home, of course.
Yeah, well, I have just what you're looking for, boys.
Take a look at this little cream puff right here.
Now, you may not believe this
but this was driven by my own mom
on Tuesdays and Thursdays to church.
Tuesdays and Thursdays?
Yeah, those were bingo nights.
Top of the line.
Let's grab it, Batman.
Now, hold on a moment, young Robin.
We wanna make sure this vehicle's safe.
Holy Ralph Nader, Batman!
We don't have time for safety.
The world is going to blow up.
Robin, bordering safety
is the responsibility of each and every citizen.
Absolutely, Caped Crusader.
And this car here couldn't be safer.
Let me show you what I mean.
[laughs]
Well, this one happens to be equipped
with a new break-away door system
which, of course, is very safe
and makes for a quick escape
in case of an accident.
Well, I'm not too sure about this, Honest Al.
Yeah, I know how you feel.
Look, what you need to do is get in
and try it out for yourself.
Sit down, make yourself at home.
Try the horn.
[honks horn]
Great, the horn works. Let's take it.
Wait a minute, fellas. You got to try the heater.
The heater? It's the middle of summer.
Come on, Batman!
There's something to what the Teen Wonder says.
Oh, yeah?
Watch this.
[beeping]
Let that be a lesson to you, Robin.
You can never outguess mother nature.
Car looks fine. We'll take it.
Holy relief, Batman!
You know, uh, this beauty here lists for $399.95.
But, uh, I'll tell you what.
Maybe I could knock off a couple of bucks.
'You give me a $125'
'I'll lease you a payment for $36.50 a month'
for 42 months, uh..
It's a deferred payment price
of, uh, $962.35
'for an annual percentage rate of 18.5 percent.'
On approved credit, naturally.
Great! Give him the money, Batman.
Oh, but I can't. I left my credit cards in the Batmobile.
Well, wait a minute, uh.. How you fix for cash?
- Cash? - 'Yeah, what you got on you?'
Oh, I only have $50.
You see, I never carry more money than I can afford to lose.
Uh-huh. $50, huh?
Well, uh, this is your lucky day, pal.
Follow me. I got somethin' I'm gonna fix you up with.
You're gonna love it. Right this way.
Uh, hand me the green stuff first.
Oh, boy! You're gonna love this.
This was used by a cop in Pasadena
to bust up some of those bingo games
mom used to be at all the time.
We'll take it!
And smart you are, my friend.
This baby will give you years of faithful service.
[engine revving]
[laughs]
Okay, guys. Mission accomplished!
Those fellows won't last five minutes on that motorcycle.
(Mordru) Good work, Weather Wizard.
Good.
[dramatic music]
(male narrator) Will the Caped Crusader and the Teen Thunderbolt
fall victim to the villain's plot?
The world is at stake. Stay tuned.
[instrumental music]
[dramatic music]
Alice! You'd never believe what just flew in here.
Batmobile! Batman must've found out something.
You need help?
Oh, are you the station owner?
No, sir.
Did you see who left this car here?
No, sir.
Seems odd
but you've got an honest face.
'You ever heard of Batman and Robin?'
No, sir.
I know they're around here someplace.
I'm gonna look for them myself.
No, sir.
[grunting]
Alice, remember I was tellin' you about that gray big guy?
The one with the ugly face?
Yeah, well, he just jumped the one with the wings.
What do you mean, when am I comin' home for dinner?
I wouldn't leave here for a million dollars.
I got to see who's gonna show up next.
[Solomon Grundy laughing]
Now, we see Hawkman fly!
[laughing]
Fly, Hawkman!
[laughing]
[breathing heavily]
Faster, Batman. Faster!
She's wide open, Robin!
(Robin) Holy separation, Batman!
[upbeat music]
(Batman) Don't forget, Robin, keep it under 55!
Hello!
Hello!
Hello-o-o!
[sighs]
Alice?
Girl, you ought to see the mouth on this one.
Did you call?
I'm the Black Canary.
- Any messages for me? - No, ma'am.
Hmm, that's strange.
Haven't you seen anyone today wearing a cape?
No, ma'am. No capes.
Anyone with wings?
Uh, no wings so far today.
[rattling]
I can't believe that nobody's been here.
I mean, hasn't anybody been here who's a little...unusual?
No, ma'am. You're the first.
[rattling]
What was that?
I'd better check.
Excuse me, ma'am.
Solomon Grundy!
[grunting]
[grunting]
Alice, here's the latest.
Remember the guy, the ugly guy?
The one with the hat.
Yeah, well, now, you know
the one that had the guy with the wings?
Well, now, he's got the girl with the big mouth.
[music continues]
[all laughing]
- Hmm! - Ah!
Ah! That's great!
That's great!
I haven't had this much fun
since I whipped up Hurricane Hilda.
I think we should direct our attention
to a certain flying captain.
As always, the Riddler's anticipated you.
Leave it to me, skipper.
[dramatic music]
Ah, it's so beautiful out here.
Hmm, so quiet and peaceful.
It's so romantic.
Hmm, just the two of us...alone.
Ah, yes.
[dramatic music]
"If our device..
"...you wish to find..
"...just look inside..
"...your super mind.
Perma shave?"
The clue must be out here somewhere.
But where?
[sighs]
Wait a minute!
Those signs, that's it.
The secret's locked inside my super mind!
[sighs]
It must be the answer is locked inside
my subconscious.
But it would take a psychiatrist
to unlock that secret.
And where can I find a psychiatrist out here?
[beeping]
As you can see, I've been expecting you.
Do lie down, please.
Hmm.
Now, suppose we-we begin with your name.
What is your name?
- Captain Marvel. - Captain Marvel.
Did your parents give you that name
or did you pick it when you bought the outfit?
Well, actually..
...my real name is Billy Batson.
Hold on, hold on.
And what's all this business about Captain Marvin?
Captain Marvel.
Whatever, whatever!
You see, it was given to me by an ancient wizard.
Hmm. An ancient wizard?
Oh, suppose you can tell me about this ancient wizard
except the part about his weird sense of humor.
Look, I really don't have time for this!
You have to unlock a secret that's inside my subconscious.
All in due time, Captain Mervin.
- Marvel, Ma-Ma.. - Hold on. Hold on, here.
Now, it seems to me that you're a victim of an identity crisis.
First, your name is Marvel.
Then, it's Batson, now it's Marvin! What is it?
I mean, after all, it seems to me
that you, you are suffering
from a classic case
of split personality.
But you don't understand.
I have to save the world from destruction.
And delusions of grandeur!
Split personality can be a very dangerous thing.
Yes!
There are many manifestations
of the various aspects
of schizophrenia.
Aye, schizophrenia.
I distinctly remember the case
of-of Oscar Hinkry.
Aye, what a sad, sad lad was he.
And I might add, from time to time, woman.
Aye, it's a fortunate thing for you, my son.
Split personality happens to be my specialty.
- Well-- - Now who asked you, boy?
Now, what's wrong with you?
I know what I'm doin'.
I am the psychiatrist
you are the patient.
Never, never, I say never
interrupt me when I am talkin'!
- Sorry. - You did it again, boy!
What's wrong with you?
Now you want me to unlock the secret
of your subconscious
then you have got to just lie there
and you have got to listen to me!
[clears throat]
Well, hold on, hold on.
Now, how do you expect me to help you
if you're just going to lie there like some sort of dummy?
You must open up to me.
Doctor, you don't seem to understand.
I have to find the location of that secret doomsday device
and I've only got about 20 minutes.
You have 19, actually.
I'm going to play with him
much as a cat does a mouse.
I know. I'll let him know that he's looking for a lake.
[laughing]
Oh, then, suppose we play
a word association game.
I want you to say the first thing that pops into your mind.
- Uh, water. - Ocean.
- Eh, smaller. - Pond.
- Uh, Tahoe. - Reno.
Eh, uh, Salt blank City.
The blanks have a nickel coil.
- Uh, Veronica. - 'Lake.'
- Uh, Michigan. - 'Arizona!'
- Uh, desert. - 'Water.'
Lake! That's it!
It popped right out of..
...my subconscious.
Uh, you my...man
are looking for a...a lake.
- Ontario! - Ah..
Monties, Mounties!
Oh, darn, no!
My good man, don't you see you're looking for a lake?
- A lake! - Yes.
Then I'd better get going!
There must be a hundred lakes in this area.
Shall we say
a thousand?
[laughing]
Next!
[upbeat music]
(Robin) Come on, Batman. Get on.
(Batman) Thanks, Robin.
- Hey, Mordru! - What is it, Grundy?
When you bring me back to island?
Getting hungry!
We'll have you back
in about..
[beeping]
...ten minutes!
Okay.
Girl, now the ugly one's talkin' to God.
And, child, God's answering.
Solomon Grundy!
[grunting]
Hawkman! Black Canary!
[growling]
You can't scare me, Grundy!
I am the world's mightiest mortal.
[growling]
- Grundy mightier than you. - Oh, yeah?
Anything you do, Grundy do better.
Oh, yeah?
Let's see you beat this.
[swooshing]
[scoffs]
I thought you'd be impressed.
[grunts]
Grundy win easy!
[grunts]
[grunts]
[laughs]
I don't think so, Solomon.
Mine went a good 20 yards past yours.
[snarling]
You don't have to take my word for it.
Go see for yourself.
Okay, you wait here.
Hard to tell from here, Alice
but I think the one in the red suit
beat him by about 20 yards.
Did you find out anything?
Yes, the villains' hide-out is at a lake.
But there's no way of knowing which lake.
- The one with the island. - What?
I heard the ugly one mention somethin' about an island.
There's only one lake around here with an island.
Hidden Island Lake.
- We've got to tell the others. - There's no time!
Oh, yes, there is!
Go to Hidden Island Lake!
(Black Canary) 'Hidden..'
'...Island..'
'...Lake!'
[upbeat music]
Hey, they went that way!
(Batman) 'Thank you, sir!'
'Have a nice day!'
(male narrator) 'Our heroes are on the way. But is there enough time?'
[motorcycle revving]
Get out! Look out!
Oh! I can't believe it!
I can't believe it!
They know about the island. Look! Look!
Heavens! They're heading for the lake right now!
Just relax!
Mordru, they'll never get here in time.
You don't understand! There's too much at stake.
We've got to make sure!
If you will permit me
I believe I have the answer.
[chuckling]
Here. My latest chemical formula.
I have been waiting for the chance to try this out.
And the heroes, eh, one sip of this
they temporarily lose all their powers.
How are you going to get them to drink that?
The simplest thing in the world!
They're heroes, aren't they? Good guys, right?
Pussy cats. They're suckers for anybody in trouble.
[laughing]
Mordru, come here!
I have something I want to ask you to do for me.
Eh, sometime..
[indistinct chatter]
[instrumental music]
[snickering]
Good, I put a few droplets of this into the lemonade.
[laughing]
Ah! Perfect.
This way
I strip all of the Superheroes
of their powers.
[laughing]
I must be the first one here.
Uh, lemonade, mister?
Only five cents a glass.
I don't have time for that now, son.
Oh, please, sir, please!
My ma is sick, and I'm raising my brother and sister.
And we're gonna get evicted tomorrow.
And my father's in jail.
And my grandma croaked.
And they wouldn't bury my grandma
until I come up with the money!
Alright, alright. Here.
- Keep the change. - Thank you, sir.
Thank you, you wouldn't regret it.
Oh, you're gonna like it. It's good.
You're gonna like it. Drink up, sir.
Aw, thanks, sonny.
[instrumental music]
What happened?
I can't fly!
Lost my superpowers.
I've got to get to that island somehow.
[laughing]
Good! Good! Good! Good!
[grunting]
For you, my darling!
To you, my love.
[zaps]
[zaps]
What do you mean you won't buy my lemonade?
You creep, you.
Hey, everybody! This guy's some hero.
He's too cheap to buy a lousy nickel glass of lemonade.
Alright, alright!
- I'll buy it! - Okay, okay, sir.
Okay, sir. There, there you go.
[chuckling]
[instrumental music]
Hmm.
[laughing]
Ah, let's see now.
That's the Green Lantern.
Only got the Flash, Hawkman, Huntress, Black Canary..
Ja! That's the ganze group! Alles!
And all the heroes' power now is kaput.
[laughing]
Mm-mm, no, not me.
[laughing]
[upbeat music]
(Robin) Holy man overboard!
(Batman) Stay, stay close, chum.
Remember, never go swimming without a buddy!
Come on, these'll get us to the island.
Mordru! Mordru!
There goes the Dynamic Duo!
They're headed for the island.
You must stop them! Stop them!
Yes.
Well, in that case
I think I'll lead them
on a wild goose chase.
[grunts]
[instrumental music]
Hey, Batman, here I am.
[engine revving]
Get 'em. Get 'em! Don't let 'em get away.
He missed, you missed him! Look out, you're gonna miss 'em!
[blabbering]
[music continues]
Look out!
I tell you, look out. Oh, Mordru!
They're gonna get you. You're not doing too well!
Row.
Row.
Row.
[music continues]
Good, Mordru! Good, good!
They will never get to the island in time.
[laughs]
My doomsday device
will be successful after all.
[chuckling]
[music continues]
Look at them Superheroes.
They're nothing without their power.
[laughing]
Oh-oh, I will compose a great poem about this.
The world will finally appreciate me.
[laughing]
(Sinestro) 'Three minutes, there won't be a world.'
[laughing]
You mean
I finally have my moment of glory
and...no one will know.
[beeps]
Hey, you guys were terrific, terrific!
[laughing]
- Thank you. - Ah, don't thank him. Thank me!
- Thank me, it was all my idea. - Thank you.
- Thank you. - You were terrific too.
[clamoring]
Thank you, thank you.
- Thank you, my dear. - Thank you.
- Thank you. - Thank you.
- Thank you. - Thank you.
Thank Grundy.
Grundy pour.
Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait..
Who's gonna make the toast?
- Who's-- - Uh, who else?
Who else? To the doomsday device. Correct?
[chuckling]
Gentlemen, we've had our fun, the game is done.
The heroes, we've outclassed.
It proves what we've always said.
Nice guys finish last.
[all exclaim]
Toast! Toast!
- Mm.. - This tastes kind of funny.
Ah!
- I feel strange. - Huh?
Wait a minute, where-where did you get that stuff?
From this bottle.
- You big.. - My power!
Dope, you big dope.
You.. That's my formula!
That's what I gave to the Superheroes!
- No! - 'Yes!'
- Taha! - 'Yes!'
- Taha. - 'Yes.'
[growling]
My power! My power is gone!
(Sinestro) 'My ring!'
[whimpering]
Let's have a cloud burst!
That's it?
(Riddler) My mind. My mind!
What are we gonna do?
Hey! I'll tell you what you're going to do.
You, you, you, you, you, defend yourselves.
Robin, find that doomsday device!
Is there a doctor in the house?
Not so fast, little man.
Holy Amazon!
[growling]
[grunting]
I was ready for that, Grundy.
[groaning]
Get Batman!
- Get him. - Get him.
Don't worry, Batman, we're here.
But they don't have their powers either.
Take them!
Let's see how you do without your ring, Sinestro!
[grunting]
[groans]
Come on! Robin, you can handle her!
I can't hit a woman!
Oh, yeah? But I can.
Don't come any closer.
I've got my wand!
[laughs]
You broke my wand!
Why, you little..
Whoa!
Get 'em, guys! Get 'em! Don't be afraid! Get 'em!
D-d-don't-don't hit me in the head!
I'm a scientist.
[groans]
Excuse me, but may I cut in?
Well, be my guest, Marv.
- I'll go look for the Riddler. - Thank you.
(Mordru) 'I need power!'
'I have a recreation vehicle, too.'
[groans]
Oh, sorry.
I can't find the doomsday device, Batman!
Keep looking, lad. We've got to find it.
Hi, hi, Batman.
- Long time, no see! - Alright, Riddler.
Oh! Oh! Look, let's talk this over.
I mean, I'll immortalize you, I'll write a poem..
Oh, boy!
D-don't hit me! Don't!
D-d-don't hit me, Batman.
You have a brilliant mind, Riddler, but you're a coward.
- Well, nobody's perfect. - Where's the doomsday device?
Oh, is that all you want?
Ah, it-it's up there!
[chuckling]
- It's up there! - Wha..
(Dr. Sivana) 'Lady, don't hurt'
'my doomsday device.'
'It's my crowning glory!'
[whimpering]
Your doomsday device?
That's right, ja, ja.
- Batman. - Captain Marvel, my boy.
Uh, excuse me, my dear.
[groans]
Okay, let's take 'em away!
Good work, Marv.
Quick, Flash, very quick.
Good work, Greenie.
[grunting]
(Riddler) Look, listen to me, Batman. Wait, listen, listen..
(male narrator) 'Thanks to our Superheroes
'justice has once again triumphed over evil.'
'The chase is over!'
'Or is it?'
[instrumental music]
[panting]
I'm here
to save the world!
[grunting]
[grunting]
Oh, heck.
[music continues]
[music continues]