Legends of Tomorrow (2016–…): Season 7, Episode 2 - The Need for Speed - full transcript
While the Legends contemplate how to get to New York City, Behrad discovers Hoover has train tickets to DC and Sara and Ava come up with a plan. With the help of Gary, Nate will have to impersonate Hoover, but he soon learns it is harder being Hoover than he expected. Since Zari is stuck without the internet, she is forced to take a digital detox and becomes obsessed with figuring out who blew up the Waverider. Meanwhile, Astra and Spooner have stayed behind in Texas and are dealing with the aftermath of Astra's special spell.
- [groans]
- Any chance of getting
this thing running again?
- The simplicity
of the thermosiphon cooling
is sheer elegance.
The capitalist dictate
of constant improvement
often pushes us past
the pinnacle of achievement
into inferior products.
- And this is your brain
off of drugs?
- Hey, don't weed-shame me.
I know stuff.
- Okay, so is that a yes?
Because soon enough,
someone's gonna see
that J. Edgar Hoover's missing
and the timeline's
gonna start changing.
- If I can find some water,
yes.
- Oh! Uh, Gary,
can you check the back seat
for some water please?
I think I saw something
under Hoover's coat.
- [retches]
Please don't mention his name.
This guy's giving me
terrible indigestion.
- That's probably
all the cigars. Ugh.
- Or all the bigotry. [scoffs]
- Oh!
Uh, we've got some soda.
Does that work?
- We'll find out.
- Oh, how about this?
A radio.
- Oh, we can pick up
some newscasts.
radio reporter: The lovely and
lethal Bullet Blondes
remain at large,
last seen driving east
on the Bankhead Highway.
Caution advised.
They are considered
armed and dangerous.
- Huh, I can't believe
the name stuck.
- Yeah, and they didn't
mention Hoover,
which means they think
he's still alive.
- Yeah. Well, he's not.
[sighs]
- Wha...
Hey. What's up?
We've gotten out
of tighter spots than this.
- Have we?
Mick's gone.
Astra's down for the count.
Zari is nursing a broken heart
in a pocket dimension,
and I killed J. Edgar Hoover.
- And it was an accident.
And it could have happened
to any man of steel.
- That's not funny.
I spent my whole life
studying history
and making sure
it's preserved and passed on.
By killing Hoover,
I personally messed up
the entire 20th century.
- Look,
we're gonna fix it, okay?
- Are we?
Because without Gideon
or the ship,
there's no way you can
guarantee that.
- Nate, you are spinning.
- I murdered a man, Sara.
And for the first time
in our lives,
we have to accept that
that could be permanent.
- Okay, look--
- Uh, wife? Nate?
We got a big problem.
Hoover was supposed
to be on a train
to New York from Midland
this afternoon.
- If he's not there,
the whole timeline's screwed.
- No, it won't be.
Nate, history needs saving,
and you are
just the man to do it.
So long as the world thinks
that Hoover is still alive,
then the timeline
remains on track.
- No, no, no.
I know what you're thinking.
No, there's no way
I can impersonate Hoover
all the way to New York.
I could barely do it
in some Podunk Texas town.
- Gary!
- Huh?
- Can you do some kind of spell
and make him look like Hoover?
- [groans] Uh,
technically, yes.
But, um...
I'd need some of
Hoover's spit or fingernails...
[retches]
- Or hair.
[engine starts]
- We're mobile, people.
- Well, good.
Because J. Edgar Hoover has
a train to catch.
[exciting music]
♪
- I did a spell
to resurrect a machine.
I don't know what this is.
- I'd recognize that smug
little smile anywhere.
It is Gideon.
- She doesn't look
like a machine.
- Well, not a machine
exactly, Mami.
A computer who speaks.
Usually.
- Hello, computer.
- Well, on the upside,
looks like you got
your magic working again.
- My magic is clearly garbage.
Stop that.
- She's still Gideon
though, right?
What's two plus two?
[quirky music]
There you go.
- [gasps]
- [chuckles]
Wow, computers are--are
very exciting.
- Uh--sorry.
[apple crunches, train clangs]
- Is it ready?
- Not yet.
It needs to fully ferment.
This is just the primary stage.
- Okay, well,
we need to come up
with some kind of distraction
or something,
because that train leaves
in five minutes,
and Hoover needs to be on it.
- And to the public eye,
he will be.
Look, because they're not
gonna be looking at him.
No. They--
- What are you doing?
- Are going to be looking
at the most wanted women
in America.
- What?
- Oh, I'm not sure about this.
- Just follow my lead. Come on.
- My safe word
is core competency.
- Coming through here.
Look out,
we got the Bullet Blondes.
- This isn't the last
you're gonna hear
of the Bullet Blondes.
- That's right, coppers.
- Who you calling the cops?
We're the Bureau
of Investigation.
- That's right,
and J. Edgar Hoover
always gets his man. Or woman.
Or gender non-conforming
individual.
- I need four extra tickets
for my associates.
- Are those the Bullet Blondes?
- Well, we're not a pair
of canceled stamps.
- Pleasure.
- Mr. Hoover, let me find some
seats for you and your men.
Our most secure cabin
is the honeymoon suite.
In the name of J. Edgar Hoover,
I'm commandeering this cabin.
- Oh, no.
No need to commandeer.
We don't want to spoil
your honeymoon.
- Spoil? Phonus balonus.
- Well, after them
Palmer raids,
we'd be proud to help out
a patriot like Mr. Hoover.
[awkward muttering]
- Squeeze on by here.
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
- Congratulations, best wishes.
- Whew. That was close.
- Can you please
take these off now?
- What are the Palmer raids?
- After World War I,
America was freaking out
about Communism,
so Hoover and the DOJ arrested
thousands of immigrants,
union workers, anything that
smelled like organized labor.
- Real champion
of civil liberties.
- Oh, he pretty much codified
racial bias
into our judicial system.
Okay, look, morally,
he's repulsive.
Historically, however,
he's one of the most important
men of the 20th century.
He founded the FBI.
He ran it till he died.
- Yeah, well, great men
aren't usually good guys, so.
[train whistle blows]
And that is our cue
to disappear.
Oh, B, key me.
- The key.
Time Bureau manual
and some honeymoon chocolates.
Say hi to Z for me.
[magical whooshing]
- Capi-tans, hey.
Are we home yet?
How did your bank robbery go?
Did we find out who blew up
the Waverider yet or no?
Am I talking too much?
Am I talking not too much?
- I think she's a little high.
- I'd say very.
- We're still in 1925.
- And now, we are on a train.
- What? Where are we going?
But really where is
anybody really going?
- You okay, Z?
I thought you didn't partake.
- No, no, no.
I know, but you see
I found myself on a journey.
And that journey is
with these tiny, little bears.
And I'm going on that journey
a la carte.
[snickers]
[snorts]
A la carte.
"Allah" carte.
- Okay.
Well, we'll be upstairs.
- Yeah, if you need anything,
please don't hesitate
to come and find us.
Actually, hesitate a little.
- Oh, hesitate a lot.
- Ew, that's gross, moms.
[train whistles]
- Hey, maybe
we won't even need that potion.
We just hide out in the cabin.
[knocking on door]
- You in there, Speed?
- Speed?
- That was Hoover's nickname.
Only his closest friends
call him that.
- It's Francis Baker.
Junior, of course.
Oh, the GW boys
are gonna go wild
when I tell them I saw you.
- Gary, potion.
- Uh, it's frothing and ready.
- All right.
How long does the spell last?
- Uh, it depends
upon your metabolism.
Could be an hour. Could be 24.
- Hey, it sounds like Hoover
was a supreme douche.
You really sure
you want to be him?
- I have to clean up
my mess, B.
- No, but wait. Wait.
Don't drink it in front of us.
- Did it work?
- We don't know.
Since you drank it
in front of us, we'll only know
if the magic works
when someone else sees you.
- Oh, for the love of...
[knocking]
- This is silly.
Let me see your...
face.
Edgar.
There's that handsome look.
- [chuckles awkwardly]
[quirky music]
♪
- Let me buy you lunch, Speed.
The oysters here give
Old Ebbitt's a run
for their money.
[chuckles]
- [chuckles awkwardly]
Director of the Bureau
of Investigation at 29.
Speed indeed.
I think you fellows
will be
more comfortable elsewhere.
- Yeah. Sure.
More comfortable.
- Ew.
No thank you.
- She made a little doll.
- I wish the Legends
would just get back already.
They would know exactly
what to do with her
and her creepy
outsider apple art.
They can't find this
Dr. Davies guy soon enough.
[ominous music]
- Oh.
- Gideon!
- [sighs] Great.
Now she's broken.
- Hey. You okay?
- Yeah. Why?
- Oh, man.
Are you mad that we're
honeymooning in your house,
after everything
that happened with John or--
- Shh. Aves, I love you.
I love you both.
I love your love.
I love that you're loving
each other right now,
even if that love is happening
directly above me
while I eat sugar foam.
[snorts]
- Okay.
Well, if you ever want to talk
or anything, just come find--
- No, seriously.
I am A-okay.
I am golden.
- You know what?
Just--just hear me out, Z.
No judgment, okay?
I'm just...
I think you and Behrad
are very different people,
and I think that maybe
your coping mechanisms
might not be the same
as his coping mechanisms.
- You know, honestly,
I'm not sure
that I'm doing
this stoned thing correctly,
because I either feel,
like, very hungry or tired,
all of the time.
That can't be it, can it?
Can that be it?
- I don't know.
You're a doer though.
You know?
You're like me.
- Oh, it's true.
I love a project.
- You love a project.
Let's find you a project.
Ooh, cleaning. Cleaning.
That's a good one.
- I ought to clean this place.
I'ma clean this place.
Clean the John vibes.
- Yes. Yes! That's my girl.
- You know, at minimum,
it will give me an excuse
to leave this room,
because you guys are very loud.
- What?
Come on. We're not loud.
- Core competency.
Boop.
- I don't even know
what you're talking about.
[train whistles]
- So tell me.
Is there a Mrs. Hoover?
- Oh, no, ma'am.
I'm married to my job.
- Oh, well,
let me give you my card,
in case you and your job
ever get divorced.
My purse. It's gone.
- Never fear, madam.
You have the nation's finest
detective at your service.
Should we round up
the usual suspects?
- Those are my men.
[dramatic music]
♪
No one is leaving this car,
till we get that purse back.
- Oh!
- Now, what was in your purse?
Jewelry?
[dramatic orchestral sting]
Money?
Anything of note?
- Hmm.
My calling card, my comb,
and one of those
delightful pastries
from the breakfast cart.
You never know when you might
get a flash of the grumblies.
[soft growling]
[dramatic orchestral sting]
- Goldie!
- I believe this is
what you are looking for.
- Huzzah!
- Thank you, Mr. Hoover.
- Hip-hip!
all: Hooray!
- Thank you.
- Hip-hip!
all: Hooray.
- [mouthing words]
- Um...
- [mouthing words]
- [clears throat]
Well, I must get
back to work.
- If only all of the bad guys
was easy to catch
as Goldie here.
- Marvelous seeing you,
Francis Baker,
Junior, of course. Okay.
[exhales]
It's working.
They're buying it.
- Yeah, they're buying that
Gary and I are petty thieves,
'cause of our looks.
- I'm trying to be as
authentically Hoover
as possible.
- I wouldn't mind a little
less authenticity.
- You understand--
- Hey, whoa.
Why don't we go
back to Plan A?
Hunkering.
- You're right.
We should play it safe,
till we get to New York.
[brakes squeal]
[mysterious music]
♪
- Director Hoover, thank God.
- We just got word from HQ.
There's a plot afoot
to kidnap you.
- We need to get you
off this train.
- Give me a minute.
- I'm sure
we can find a way
to get to New York
that doesn't involve
Hoover cosplay or kidnapping--
- Listen.
The real J. Edgar
Hoover was never kidnapped.
So he must have solved this.
- No.
This is getting
way too out of control.
I mean, I'm sure we can fix
this with a do-over.
- What if
there's no more do-overs?
What if this is it?
We owe it
to history to make it right.
Gentlemen,
this sounds like a case
for the Bureau
of Investigation.
[dramatic orchestral sting]
- Has she had
anything to drink?
- She doesn't need
anything to drink.
She's not a person.
- I may not know
what a computer is,
but I know a heartbeat.
And you made that, Astra.
You are not only
a very powerful witch.
You're also a mother now.
- I am nobody's mother.
- Dang.
Now, what will the team do
with a human Gideon?
- Probably just give her
Rory's old room.
There's always space
for one more with the Legends.
- And where are
your Legends now, anyway?
- They went to New York,
to meet this time travel guy.
Once they find him,
they're gonna come get us.
- Okay. I'm no expert,
but seems to me,
if you have a machine
that can travel through time,
wouldn't you just
go back to right
after the moment you left?
I mean, unless...
- It didn't work.
- What was the word from HQ?
- Not a lot of detail.
The Dallas field office
intercepted a telegram.
- "Hoover on tren, northbond."
"Train" and "northbound"
are both misspelled.
- So he's a foreigner.
- Or a bad speller.
- Men in Little Rock
are gonna alert D.C.
Plan to have agents at
every station along the route.
- Good.
- Mr. Hoover says
we're looking for a foreigner.
- I didn't say that.
- Stay put in here, Mr. Hoover.
We'll turn this train
upside-down,
till we find our man.
- Hoover doesn't run
an investigation from behind.
[clears throat]
All right.
All we got to go on
is this telegram,
which doesn't give us
a motive or a means.
But its timing does narrow down
the list of possible suspects.
- Donovan, Rodgers.
Get me a list
of all the passengers
that got on this train
since Midland. Go.
both: On it, sir.
- The three of us
are gonna start
at the front
of the train,
and we're gonna
work our way back.
We're looking for anyone
who has a reason
to hurt Hoover.
- Who would possibly want
to hurt that guy?
- "Please" would have been
nice.
- Is there anyone on this train
you may suspect of having
anti-government sentiment?
- Anti-government?
The government is the only
thing keeping this country
from going to the dogs.
- Have you heard anyone talk
about anarchy or...
socialism?
- Well, that depends.
Would you call
a working wage socialism?
Then yeah. I'd say
we're all talking about it.
- Lovely to see America
by train car.
- Be a lot lovelier
if I wasn't being spied on
by a bunch of dicks.
- By "dick" do you mean cop?
- Hmm.
- Well, you think someone
on this train
is a ne'er-do-well?
Well,
good luck pulling one over
on America's finest law man.
- That's very nice of you.
- Hoover? [spits]
That man is cursed.
- You have no idea.
- Hoover?
Leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
- Ugh, tell me about it.
- Everybody on this train
loves Hoover.
- Yeah, everybody
with first-class tickets.
The people we talked to would
be happy to kill "Hoover."
- If we're looking for motive,
we got it.
Lots of it.
- Yeah, which is as good
as finding none at all.
We're switching
this investigation away
from the "why"
and onto the "how."
And with agents in every city,
it'll be pretty hard
pulling off a kidnapping
in any of the stations.
They'd get caught immediately.
- Or congratulated.
- But if you could get
the train off the main route--
- No one would be
guarding the track.
- And if you can redirect
the train,
you have control of the train.
- Ooh! Ooh! Inside job.
- Inside job.
- Inside job.
- Director Hoover,
meet Igor Lewandowski.
Train's engineer.
- A Russian
and a labor organizer.
- He wasn't scheduled
to work today,
but had a change of heart.
Joined the crew
back in Midland.
Awfully convenient.
- Did he confess?
- He won't say diddly,
but he's our guy.
I'm sure of it.
Trust you can get the...
confession we need.
Do your worst, boss.
- Yeah.
[ominous music]
♪
- Oh, boy.
Very sad
party of one happening here.
Doesn't matter.
Zen in ten, here I come.
Starting with the fridge.
See, even I know you don't keep
whiskey in the fridge.
[quirky music]
♪
Aves.
- Hi, Z.
- How many bottles of whiskey
are there on the table?
- Um, two.
- Two!
The fridge is making whiskey.
- What? That's fantastic.
- The Waverider.
- Yeah?
I guess it's kind of
like the Waverider.
Although the fridge doesn't
take requests like Gideon.
- No, no, no, this bottle--
this bottle is the Waverider.
And this bottle is the mystery
Waverider that blew us up.
So if there's two Waveriders,
who's to say there isn't...
[gasps]
third Waverider?
And a fourth.
It will never end.
- Oh, I get it.
You're still really stoned.
- So--so, let's say we go back
and stop the mystery Waverider
from blowing us up.
That's great.
But that Waverider came
from somewhere.
Which means if one showed up,
then another one could.
And another,
and another, and another.
- Okay. Wait. Let's just
slow this train down.
Take this. Remember this?
Here. Grab this. Hi, hi, hi.
Look, squirt. Squirt, squirt.
Squirt and wipe!
Squirt and wipe, and the
gummies are gonna wear off,
and then you're gonna be
feeling the natural
high of a job well done.
Look. Show me. Show me.
I'm watching.
- Aves, I--
- Squirt and wipe.
- You got this. You got this.
You can be mean.
You can be mean as hell.
[yelling from other room]
- He's all ready for you, sir.
- Good.
- Uh, "sir," quick word?
How are you gonna
swing this, Nate?
- I don't know. I don't want
to hurt the guy, but...
- No way, man.
- Look, those two agents
are expecting Hoover.
- They have all the evidence
they need.
That's more than enough.
- It's not enough.
I need a confession.
- Look, Nate,
I know you feel like this is
the end of the world,
but you're just a good guy
who made a bad mistake.
What was the alternative?
Let him kill you?
You're worth
a thousand Hoovers.
- By comparison to Hoover,
I am nobody in the timeline.
- Come on, Nate.
You know that's not true.
- You've gotta forgive
yourself.
[tense music]
♪
- This isn't about me.
- So what are we gonna do?
- You ever hear the one about
the black lady, the brown lady,
and the broken computer
who walked into a bar, in 1925?
- Uh, no.
- Yeah.
Because it would never happen.
Let's face it.
There's nothing we can do.
The Legends are on their own.
[quirky music]
Great.
More decapitated apple heads.
♪
- I think she's trying to
tell us something, Astra.
An apple a day.
Easy as apple pie.
Don't put
all your apples in one box.
- That is not a thing.
- Okay.
It's six apples in a box,
off the table, on the floor.
- Thank you, Dr. Seuss.
It's clearly apple...
Sauce.
Okay, you know what enough?
Just stop trying
to tell us things.
I wish
I could just shove you back
in the wires,
and the sockets,
or whatever makes you work
on the Waverider,
because then maybe
you could actually help us.
- So why are you so mad
at Gideon?
She hasn't done
anything to you.
- Because...
she's a constant reminder
of my giant failure.
- That's why you don't want
to go after the Legends.
- I'm useless to them, Spooner.
- You made one mistake, Astra.
Ease up on yourself.
At least you still have magic.
- Hey,
you have things to offer too.
- Like what?
Without aliens,
what do I bring to the table?
- Ranch wear?
- Okay. You know what?
I guess we're both
pretty useless.
- You mean
the three of us are...
[electric zapping]
What is that?
- Gideon, no!
[dramatic music]
♪
Why did you do that?
- Wires and sockets.
She understood you.
- Hey, Z.
Can Sara and I grab one
of those bottles of...
whiskey?
- Oh, hey, girl.
- Hey, buddy.
Uh, what did we talk about?
More cleaning.
No more gummies, yeah?
- Oh, no. I'm not stoned.
I'm enlightened.
See, I finally realize
why John gave me this key.
To clear my head and think
about the bigger picture.
See, I was so focused on
my phones, and skincare sales,
and romantic entanglements
that I never stopped to think
about what was really
going on with the team.
- The team. Our team?
- Yeah.
See, without those distractions
I was able to dig deep
and really think
about how we got here.
So I read your Time Bureau
agent manual earlier.
- What?
That thing's over 200 pages.
- Yeah, and I started thinking,
it's not
about the how they blew us up.
It's about the who.
I made a list of suspects.
Do you want to see?
- Um, yes. Yes I do.
- Great.
- Time to spill the beans,
Lewandowski.
- [speaks Russian]
- What'd you say?
- Please,
you're making a mistake.
- I'm making a mistake?
I'm making a mistake!
Get out. Out!
- No, no, no. Please.
[yelling from other room]
- [chuckles]
- Sounds like he's really
putting the screws on him.
- Let me know
if he needs backup.
I gotta take a leak.
- Don't do this, Nate.
- Ah!
- Ahh!
Ahh!
- What are you doing?
- I'm trying to tell you
that you don't...
[yelling]
Have to tell me...
[whispering] Anything
you don't want to, because...
I will find
the answers I want...
some other way, okay?
- This is even worse
than last time.
- I've interrogated you before?
- [spits]
Of course you don't remember.
You and your men came
after me and my family,
and hundreds of others on your
manhunt for Emma Goldman,
back in 1919.
I knew nothing about her,
but because of your Red Scare,
no one believed me.
My wife and children
had to flee,
and your men beat me
for being Russian.
I lost everything,
because of you!
- I'm sorry, Igor.
That makes total sense why you
were planning on kidnapping me.
- Me?
I try to stay as far away
from you as possible.
But when you're looking
for enemies,
that's all you see.
Makes it easy to miss what's
going on right in front of you.
- Where'd those mountains go?
- That's what I'm trying
to tell you.
Somebody switched tracks
15 miles back.
- Igor, thank you, Igor.
I'll untie you in a minute.
Grab him!
[gun cocks]
- [clears throat]
Jig is up, Hoover.
Get over here.
It's kind of silly, huh?
Put on the right kind of suit,
and you can fool
anybody you want.
Even America's best detective.
- Pretty dumb pulling
a gun on a Bureau agent.
- You think you're
the smart guy here?
If you hadn't made such
a stink back in Midland,
we never would have known
you were on this train.
- Funny thing is we've been
trying to pinch you for months.
Snorky's offering
a nice chunk of cash
to whoever brings you in first.
- Snorky.
Snorky-Snorky?
- Who the heck is Snorky?
- These guys work
for Al Capone.
- Come out
with your hands up, Hoover.
So do all of them.
- You got two minutes!
- [chuckles]
[dramatic music]
[tense music]
- I ain't got all day, Edgar!
Come out,
or we start popping passengers.
- Oh, we can totally
take these guys.
- No.
- Without Gideon it's hard
to keep track of the timeline,
but Hoover wasn't killed
by mobsters, right?
So don't we have to fight?
- In the real timeline,
none of this happened.
And the world
still thinks I'm Hoover.
I'm gonna have
to make this right.
[guns cock]
- Come on.
[dramatic music]
♪
- Well, congratulations.
You got me.
- Who are you?
- Damn it.
- Give the multiverse
a low probability.
I mean what even is a paragon?
- Mm-hmm.
I think we are onto something
very important here, Z.
- Me too, Aves.
- Okay, so who's left
on our villains list?
- Damien Darhk.
- Loves us way too much
to kill us I think.
- Mm-hmm. Mallus. Malice?
Whatever.
Big Beebo--aww, David Bowie.
You know, he got that
really great song out of us.
- Yeah. it was very catchy.
- Yeah.
Let's put him
in the "maybe" pile.
- Okay.
- What about those guys,
over there?
- Ah, these guys over here.
We got time pirates.
Time wraiths.
Time witches. Clones.
Doppelgangers.
Ourselves. Time itself.
- Okay. Let's call that
the "why the hell not" pile.
- Copy that.
Oh.
And then there's this one.
- I mean that's too
out there, right?
- Zari, we've been chased
by a demon dog.
Who's to say that
we're not being hunted by--
- Sara! Ava!
- Is that...
- Guys? Hello?
Anybody. Hello?
We got a Hoover-shaped
Nate problem.
- That does not sound good.
- Guys?
- Hate to cut it short,
but we could really use
some backup out here.
- Yeah, Nate's been
kidnapped by Al Capone's men.
- [sighs]
Okay. Okay, okay, okay.
We need to find a way to stop
this with zero casualties.
- What, with weed gummies
and magic booze?
- Yes.
both: Yes?
- I ain't gonna ask you again.
We got Hoover.
Not some nobody clown.
- You're right, I am a nobody.
But I'm a nobody
who killed J. Edgar Hoover.
- Killed?
- Yeah.
- I'm surprised to bring
in the head
of the Bureau of Investigation.
Instead, I got Mr. Nobody.
This is not the plan.
- Yeah. Tell me about it.
- Oh, Snorky's gonna pop me,
for sure.
- That doesn't seem fair.
I mean, how could you
have known the guy
you were supposed to kidnap
ended up getting killed?
Some things are outside
of your control.
- I could just bump you off and
mess your face up real good.
Pass you off as Hoover's body.
- You could do that.
May work, for a while, but...
you can't outrun
the lie forever.
Eventually,
you just end up hurting
the people you care about.
Sometimes, it's easier
just to face the music
and accept the fact
that you made a mistake.
Hey, take a deep breath
with me. Come on.
both: [inhale]
[exhale]
Now, repeat after me.
I forgive myself.
- I forgive myself.
- There!
Now, don't you feel better?
- No.
- Oh.
- But that makes me
feel better.
- You all right there, big guy?
- Better now.
- Hoover's death must have been
quite the shock,
so we brought you
a little something
to soothe your grieving souls.
- And there's plenty more
where that came from.
- Oh, never-ending,
one could say.
- Holy smokes.
The Bullet Blondes?
The big fellow loves you gals.
- I would like
to formally apologize
for how I treated you both.
And I would like to ask
for a do-over.
- Already done.
- My man.
- Your photographs don't
do you justice.
[engine revs]
- That's a lot of company,
for the middle of nowhere.
[suspenseful music]
♪
- Boys. Ladies.
- Another Hoover?
- Thought you said
you killed him.
- I--I did.
[ominous music]
- Okay.
Two Waveriders and two Hoovers.
That cannot be
a coincidence.
- Is it me, or does he look
even more pissed off now?
- We're kidnapping you.
- And I'm arresting you.
In fact,
you're all under arrest.
- Over our dead bodies!
- Maybe we should just
skedaddle right over here.
Yeah?
- Everybody, take cover!
[screaming]
[exciting rock music]
- Ah!
♪
- Get in there.
Come on, move it. Go!
- We can't let
Hoover die again.
- Don't think we need
to worry about that.
- Ah! Ugh!
Jeez, ah!
- Whoa, whoa! Whoa, slow.
Wait, wait.
Wait, wait, wait...
- Guys, this is out of control.
The timeline's at serious
risk of changing.
- What are you doing?
- Oh!
- Come on.
- Oh, no.
Did we kill him again?
- There's no blood.
- Whoa. That dude is tough.
[electronic whirring]
- I don't even think
he is a dude.
I think he's a...
- Robot.
- What are the chances?
Wait, so robots blow up
the Waverider?
- J. Edgar Hoover, a robot.
That explains a lot.
- I ate a robot?
- Shh.
- Sorry, stomach,
and small intestine,
and small stomach, and--
- Gary, shush. Shush.
You did not eat a robot.
You ate the real Hoover.
This--this must be
his replacement.
- You guys,
what--what is he doing?
- Rebooting himself?
- Self-destruct sequence
initiated. 20 seconds.
- Um, guys,
I don't think that--yeah.
- We gotta go!
Come on. Let's go. Move it.
- Oh, I hope
Spooner and Astra are okay.
They're probably having
the chillest time
at Gloria's right now.
- Come on, come on, come on,
come on!
[intense music]
♪
- Hey, Gideon.
Hey...
I'm sorry.
I'm so used to the old you.
The one who always had
all the answers.
I never thought you'd be
the one needing help from us.
Do you think
we could try again?
- I wish we could figure out
a way to communicate with her.
I mean, she's obviously trying.
- Amor, you'll find a way.
You always did.
Esperanza, you didn't speak
until you were six years old.
- I don't remember that.
- You communicated with me
in other ways.
We always understood
each other, you and I,
even if we weren't using words.
You would come over
and hug me
or hold my hand.
Your little touch,
it made me feel heard.
It's your gift, Esperanza.
- Gracias, Mami.
[gentle music]
♪
I know this must be tough
for you.
I get it.
And it must be really hard
when no one understands
what you're trying
to tell them.
And I hope you know
that you're not useless.
You're just figuring it out.
[high-pitched whirring]
- I'm terrified.
How did I even get here?
I'm so lost.
Why can't they understand me?
- I can hear her.
I can hear Gideon's thoughts.
She's scared.
- What's she saying?
- Hey, it's okay.
Gideon, I'm right here.
Just breathe and focus.
- Dr. Davies' machine
in New York City.
Time travel experiment
takes place November 7th.
- She's saying Dr. Davies'
time travel experiment
will take place
in New York City,
on November 7, 1925.
- That's two weeks from today.
- Precisely, Captain.
- She's back!
- That's fantastic.
The plan's gonna work.
- Two weeks.
Maybe that explains
why they're not back yet.
- But we have to get
to Dr. Davies first,
or the Legends will die.
- Or maybe that's why.
[dramatic music]
- Pack up that ranch wear.
We've got some Legends to save.
- Greg, move your head.
- Any chance of getting
this thing running again?
- The simplicity
of the thermosiphon cooling
is sheer elegance.
The capitalist dictate
of constant improvement
often pushes us past
the pinnacle of achievement
into inferior products.
- And this is your brain
off of drugs?
- Hey, don't weed-shame me.
I know stuff.
- Okay, so is that a yes?
Because soon enough,
someone's gonna see
that J. Edgar Hoover's missing
and the timeline's
gonna start changing.
- If I can find some water,
yes.
- Oh! Uh, Gary,
can you check the back seat
for some water please?
I think I saw something
under Hoover's coat.
- [retches]
Please don't mention his name.
This guy's giving me
terrible indigestion.
- That's probably
all the cigars. Ugh.
- Or all the bigotry. [scoffs]
- Oh!
Uh, we've got some soda.
Does that work?
- We'll find out.
- Oh, how about this?
A radio.
- Oh, we can pick up
some newscasts.
radio reporter: The lovely and
lethal Bullet Blondes
remain at large,
last seen driving east
on the Bankhead Highway.
Caution advised.
They are considered
armed and dangerous.
- Huh, I can't believe
the name stuck.
- Yeah, and they didn't
mention Hoover,
which means they think
he's still alive.
- Yeah. Well, he's not.
[sighs]
- Wha...
Hey. What's up?
We've gotten out
of tighter spots than this.
- Have we?
Mick's gone.
Astra's down for the count.
Zari is nursing a broken heart
in a pocket dimension,
and I killed J. Edgar Hoover.
- And it was an accident.
And it could have happened
to any man of steel.
- That's not funny.
I spent my whole life
studying history
and making sure
it's preserved and passed on.
By killing Hoover,
I personally messed up
the entire 20th century.
- Look,
we're gonna fix it, okay?
- Are we?
Because without Gideon
or the ship,
there's no way you can
guarantee that.
- Nate, you are spinning.
- I murdered a man, Sara.
And for the first time
in our lives,
we have to accept that
that could be permanent.
- Okay, look--
- Uh, wife? Nate?
We got a big problem.
Hoover was supposed
to be on a train
to New York from Midland
this afternoon.
- If he's not there,
the whole timeline's screwed.
- No, it won't be.
Nate, history needs saving,
and you are
just the man to do it.
So long as the world thinks
that Hoover is still alive,
then the timeline
remains on track.
- No, no, no.
I know what you're thinking.
No, there's no way
I can impersonate Hoover
all the way to New York.
I could barely do it
in some Podunk Texas town.
- Gary!
- Huh?
- Can you do some kind of spell
and make him look like Hoover?
- [groans] Uh,
technically, yes.
But, um...
I'd need some of
Hoover's spit or fingernails...
[retches]
- Or hair.
[engine starts]
- We're mobile, people.
- Well, good.
Because J. Edgar Hoover has
a train to catch.
[exciting music]
♪
- I did a spell
to resurrect a machine.
I don't know what this is.
- I'd recognize that smug
little smile anywhere.
It is Gideon.
- She doesn't look
like a machine.
- Well, not a machine
exactly, Mami.
A computer who speaks.
Usually.
- Hello, computer.
- Well, on the upside,
looks like you got
your magic working again.
- My magic is clearly garbage.
Stop that.
- She's still Gideon
though, right?
What's two plus two?
[quirky music]
There you go.
- [gasps]
- [chuckles]
Wow, computers are--are
very exciting.
- Uh--sorry.
[apple crunches, train clangs]
- Is it ready?
- Not yet.
It needs to fully ferment.
This is just the primary stage.
- Okay, well,
we need to come up
with some kind of distraction
or something,
because that train leaves
in five minutes,
and Hoover needs to be on it.
- And to the public eye,
he will be.
Look, because they're not
gonna be looking at him.
No. They--
- What are you doing?
- Are going to be looking
at the most wanted women
in America.
- What?
- Oh, I'm not sure about this.
- Just follow my lead. Come on.
- My safe word
is core competency.
- Coming through here.
Look out,
we got the Bullet Blondes.
- This isn't the last
you're gonna hear
of the Bullet Blondes.
- That's right, coppers.
- Who you calling the cops?
We're the Bureau
of Investigation.
- That's right,
and J. Edgar Hoover
always gets his man. Or woman.
Or gender non-conforming
individual.
- I need four extra tickets
for my associates.
- Are those the Bullet Blondes?
- Well, we're not a pair
of canceled stamps.
- Pleasure.
- Mr. Hoover, let me find some
seats for you and your men.
Our most secure cabin
is the honeymoon suite.
In the name of J. Edgar Hoover,
I'm commandeering this cabin.
- Oh, no.
No need to commandeer.
We don't want to spoil
your honeymoon.
- Spoil? Phonus balonus.
- Well, after them
Palmer raids,
we'd be proud to help out
a patriot like Mr. Hoover.
[awkward muttering]
- Squeeze on by here.
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
- Congratulations, best wishes.
- Whew. That was close.
- Can you please
take these off now?
- What are the Palmer raids?
- After World War I,
America was freaking out
about Communism,
so Hoover and the DOJ arrested
thousands of immigrants,
union workers, anything that
smelled like organized labor.
- Real champion
of civil liberties.
- Oh, he pretty much codified
racial bias
into our judicial system.
Okay, look, morally,
he's repulsive.
Historically, however,
he's one of the most important
men of the 20th century.
He founded the FBI.
He ran it till he died.
- Yeah, well, great men
aren't usually good guys, so.
[train whistle blows]
And that is our cue
to disappear.
Oh, B, key me.
- The key.
Time Bureau manual
and some honeymoon chocolates.
Say hi to Z for me.
[magical whooshing]
- Capi-tans, hey.
Are we home yet?
How did your bank robbery go?
Did we find out who blew up
the Waverider yet or no?
Am I talking too much?
Am I talking not too much?
- I think she's a little high.
- I'd say very.
- We're still in 1925.
- And now, we are on a train.
- What? Where are we going?
But really where is
anybody really going?
- You okay, Z?
I thought you didn't partake.
- No, no, no.
I know, but you see
I found myself on a journey.
And that journey is
with these tiny, little bears.
And I'm going on that journey
a la carte.
[snickers]
[snorts]
A la carte.
"Allah" carte.
- Okay.
Well, we'll be upstairs.
- Yeah, if you need anything,
please don't hesitate
to come and find us.
Actually, hesitate a little.
- Oh, hesitate a lot.
- Ew, that's gross, moms.
[train whistles]
- Hey, maybe
we won't even need that potion.
We just hide out in the cabin.
[knocking on door]
- You in there, Speed?
- Speed?
- That was Hoover's nickname.
Only his closest friends
call him that.
- It's Francis Baker.
Junior, of course.
Oh, the GW boys
are gonna go wild
when I tell them I saw you.
- Gary, potion.
- Uh, it's frothing and ready.
- All right.
How long does the spell last?
- Uh, it depends
upon your metabolism.
Could be an hour. Could be 24.
- Hey, it sounds like Hoover
was a supreme douche.
You really sure
you want to be him?
- I have to clean up
my mess, B.
- No, but wait. Wait.
Don't drink it in front of us.
- Did it work?
- We don't know.
Since you drank it
in front of us, we'll only know
if the magic works
when someone else sees you.
- Oh, for the love of...
[knocking]
- This is silly.
Let me see your...
face.
Edgar.
There's that handsome look.
- [chuckles awkwardly]
[quirky music]
♪
- Let me buy you lunch, Speed.
The oysters here give
Old Ebbitt's a run
for their money.
[chuckles]
- [chuckles awkwardly]
Director of the Bureau
of Investigation at 29.
Speed indeed.
I think you fellows
will be
more comfortable elsewhere.
- Yeah. Sure.
More comfortable.
- Ew.
No thank you.
- She made a little doll.
- I wish the Legends
would just get back already.
They would know exactly
what to do with her
and her creepy
outsider apple art.
They can't find this
Dr. Davies guy soon enough.
[ominous music]
- Oh.
- Gideon!
- [sighs] Great.
Now she's broken.
- Hey. You okay?
- Yeah. Why?
- Oh, man.
Are you mad that we're
honeymooning in your house,
after everything
that happened with John or--
- Shh. Aves, I love you.
I love you both.
I love your love.
I love that you're loving
each other right now,
even if that love is happening
directly above me
while I eat sugar foam.
[snorts]
- Okay.
Well, if you ever want to talk
or anything, just come find--
- No, seriously.
I am A-okay.
I am golden.
- You know what?
Just--just hear me out, Z.
No judgment, okay?
I'm just...
I think you and Behrad
are very different people,
and I think that maybe
your coping mechanisms
might not be the same
as his coping mechanisms.
- You know, honestly,
I'm not sure
that I'm doing
this stoned thing correctly,
because I either feel,
like, very hungry or tired,
all of the time.
That can't be it, can it?
Can that be it?
- I don't know.
You're a doer though.
You know?
You're like me.
- Oh, it's true.
I love a project.
- You love a project.
Let's find you a project.
Ooh, cleaning. Cleaning.
That's a good one.
- I ought to clean this place.
I'ma clean this place.
Clean the John vibes.
- Yes. Yes! That's my girl.
- You know, at minimum,
it will give me an excuse
to leave this room,
because you guys are very loud.
- What?
Come on. We're not loud.
- Core competency.
Boop.
- I don't even know
what you're talking about.
[train whistles]
- So tell me.
Is there a Mrs. Hoover?
- Oh, no, ma'am.
I'm married to my job.
- Oh, well,
let me give you my card,
in case you and your job
ever get divorced.
My purse. It's gone.
- Never fear, madam.
You have the nation's finest
detective at your service.
Should we round up
the usual suspects?
- Those are my men.
[dramatic music]
♪
No one is leaving this car,
till we get that purse back.
- Oh!
- Now, what was in your purse?
Jewelry?
[dramatic orchestral sting]
Money?
Anything of note?
- Hmm.
My calling card, my comb,
and one of those
delightful pastries
from the breakfast cart.
You never know when you might
get a flash of the grumblies.
[soft growling]
[dramatic orchestral sting]
- Goldie!
- I believe this is
what you are looking for.
- Huzzah!
- Thank you, Mr. Hoover.
- Hip-hip!
all: Hooray!
- Thank you.
- Hip-hip!
all: Hooray.
- [mouthing words]
- Um...
- [mouthing words]
- [clears throat]
Well, I must get
back to work.
- If only all of the bad guys
was easy to catch
as Goldie here.
- Marvelous seeing you,
Francis Baker,
Junior, of course. Okay.
[exhales]
It's working.
They're buying it.
- Yeah, they're buying that
Gary and I are petty thieves,
'cause of our looks.
- I'm trying to be as
authentically Hoover
as possible.
- I wouldn't mind a little
less authenticity.
- You understand--
- Hey, whoa.
Why don't we go
back to Plan A?
Hunkering.
- You're right.
We should play it safe,
till we get to New York.
[brakes squeal]
[mysterious music]
♪
- Director Hoover, thank God.
- We just got word from HQ.
There's a plot afoot
to kidnap you.
- We need to get you
off this train.
- Give me a minute.
- I'm sure
we can find a way
to get to New York
that doesn't involve
Hoover cosplay or kidnapping--
- Listen.
The real J. Edgar
Hoover was never kidnapped.
So he must have solved this.
- No.
This is getting
way too out of control.
I mean, I'm sure we can fix
this with a do-over.
- What if
there's no more do-overs?
What if this is it?
We owe it
to history to make it right.
Gentlemen,
this sounds like a case
for the Bureau
of Investigation.
[dramatic orchestral sting]
- Has she had
anything to drink?
- She doesn't need
anything to drink.
She's not a person.
- I may not know
what a computer is,
but I know a heartbeat.
And you made that, Astra.
You are not only
a very powerful witch.
You're also a mother now.
- I am nobody's mother.
- Dang.
Now, what will the team do
with a human Gideon?
- Probably just give her
Rory's old room.
There's always space
for one more with the Legends.
- And where are
your Legends now, anyway?
- They went to New York,
to meet this time travel guy.
Once they find him,
they're gonna come get us.
- Okay. I'm no expert,
but seems to me,
if you have a machine
that can travel through time,
wouldn't you just
go back to right
after the moment you left?
I mean, unless...
- It didn't work.
- What was the word from HQ?
- Not a lot of detail.
The Dallas field office
intercepted a telegram.
- "Hoover on tren, northbond."
"Train" and "northbound"
are both misspelled.
- So he's a foreigner.
- Or a bad speller.
- Men in Little Rock
are gonna alert D.C.
Plan to have agents at
every station along the route.
- Good.
- Mr. Hoover says
we're looking for a foreigner.
- I didn't say that.
- Stay put in here, Mr. Hoover.
We'll turn this train
upside-down,
till we find our man.
- Hoover doesn't run
an investigation from behind.
[clears throat]
All right.
All we got to go on
is this telegram,
which doesn't give us
a motive or a means.
But its timing does narrow down
the list of possible suspects.
- Donovan, Rodgers.
Get me a list
of all the passengers
that got on this train
since Midland. Go.
both: On it, sir.
- The three of us
are gonna start
at the front
of the train,
and we're gonna
work our way back.
We're looking for anyone
who has a reason
to hurt Hoover.
- Who would possibly want
to hurt that guy?
- "Please" would have been
nice.
- Is there anyone on this train
you may suspect of having
anti-government sentiment?
- Anti-government?
The government is the only
thing keeping this country
from going to the dogs.
- Have you heard anyone talk
about anarchy or...
socialism?
- Well, that depends.
Would you call
a working wage socialism?
Then yeah. I'd say
we're all talking about it.
- Lovely to see America
by train car.
- Be a lot lovelier
if I wasn't being spied on
by a bunch of dicks.
- By "dick" do you mean cop?
- Hmm.
- Well, you think someone
on this train
is a ne'er-do-well?
Well,
good luck pulling one over
on America's finest law man.
- That's very nice of you.
- Hoover? [spits]
That man is cursed.
- You have no idea.
- Hoover?
Leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
- Ugh, tell me about it.
- Everybody on this train
loves Hoover.
- Yeah, everybody
with first-class tickets.
The people we talked to would
be happy to kill "Hoover."
- If we're looking for motive,
we got it.
Lots of it.
- Yeah, which is as good
as finding none at all.
We're switching
this investigation away
from the "why"
and onto the "how."
And with agents in every city,
it'll be pretty hard
pulling off a kidnapping
in any of the stations.
They'd get caught immediately.
- Or congratulated.
- But if you could get
the train off the main route--
- No one would be
guarding the track.
- And if you can redirect
the train,
you have control of the train.
- Ooh! Ooh! Inside job.
- Inside job.
- Inside job.
- Director Hoover,
meet Igor Lewandowski.
Train's engineer.
- A Russian
and a labor organizer.
- He wasn't scheduled
to work today,
but had a change of heart.
Joined the crew
back in Midland.
Awfully convenient.
- Did he confess?
- He won't say diddly,
but he's our guy.
I'm sure of it.
Trust you can get the...
confession we need.
Do your worst, boss.
- Yeah.
[ominous music]
♪
- Oh, boy.
Very sad
party of one happening here.
Doesn't matter.
Zen in ten, here I come.
Starting with the fridge.
See, even I know you don't keep
whiskey in the fridge.
[quirky music]
♪
Aves.
- Hi, Z.
- How many bottles of whiskey
are there on the table?
- Um, two.
- Two!
The fridge is making whiskey.
- What? That's fantastic.
- The Waverider.
- Yeah?
I guess it's kind of
like the Waverider.
Although the fridge doesn't
take requests like Gideon.
- No, no, no, this bottle--
this bottle is the Waverider.
And this bottle is the mystery
Waverider that blew us up.
So if there's two Waveriders,
who's to say there isn't...
[gasps]
third Waverider?
And a fourth.
It will never end.
- Oh, I get it.
You're still really stoned.
- So--so, let's say we go back
and stop the mystery Waverider
from blowing us up.
That's great.
But that Waverider came
from somewhere.
Which means if one showed up,
then another one could.
And another,
and another, and another.
- Okay. Wait. Let's just
slow this train down.
Take this. Remember this?
Here. Grab this. Hi, hi, hi.
Look, squirt. Squirt, squirt.
Squirt and wipe!
Squirt and wipe, and the
gummies are gonna wear off,
and then you're gonna be
feeling the natural
high of a job well done.
Look. Show me. Show me.
I'm watching.
- Aves, I--
- Squirt and wipe.
- You got this. You got this.
You can be mean.
You can be mean as hell.
[yelling from other room]
- He's all ready for you, sir.
- Good.
- Uh, "sir," quick word?
How are you gonna
swing this, Nate?
- I don't know. I don't want
to hurt the guy, but...
- No way, man.
- Look, those two agents
are expecting Hoover.
- They have all the evidence
they need.
That's more than enough.
- It's not enough.
I need a confession.
- Look, Nate,
I know you feel like this is
the end of the world,
but you're just a good guy
who made a bad mistake.
What was the alternative?
Let him kill you?
You're worth
a thousand Hoovers.
- By comparison to Hoover,
I am nobody in the timeline.
- Come on, Nate.
You know that's not true.
- You've gotta forgive
yourself.
[tense music]
♪
- This isn't about me.
- So what are we gonna do?
- You ever hear the one about
the black lady, the brown lady,
and the broken computer
who walked into a bar, in 1925?
- Uh, no.
- Yeah.
Because it would never happen.
Let's face it.
There's nothing we can do.
The Legends are on their own.
[quirky music]
Great.
More decapitated apple heads.
♪
- I think she's trying to
tell us something, Astra.
An apple a day.
Easy as apple pie.
Don't put
all your apples in one box.
- That is not a thing.
- Okay.
It's six apples in a box,
off the table, on the floor.
- Thank you, Dr. Seuss.
It's clearly apple...
Sauce.
Okay, you know what enough?
Just stop trying
to tell us things.
I wish
I could just shove you back
in the wires,
and the sockets,
or whatever makes you work
on the Waverider,
because then maybe
you could actually help us.
- So why are you so mad
at Gideon?
She hasn't done
anything to you.
- Because...
she's a constant reminder
of my giant failure.
- That's why you don't want
to go after the Legends.
- I'm useless to them, Spooner.
- You made one mistake, Astra.
Ease up on yourself.
At least you still have magic.
- Hey,
you have things to offer too.
- Like what?
Without aliens,
what do I bring to the table?
- Ranch wear?
- Okay. You know what?
I guess we're both
pretty useless.
- You mean
the three of us are...
[electric zapping]
What is that?
- Gideon, no!
[dramatic music]
♪
Why did you do that?
- Wires and sockets.
She understood you.
- Hey, Z.
Can Sara and I grab one
of those bottles of...
whiskey?
- Oh, hey, girl.
- Hey, buddy.
Uh, what did we talk about?
More cleaning.
No more gummies, yeah?
- Oh, no. I'm not stoned.
I'm enlightened.
See, I finally realize
why John gave me this key.
To clear my head and think
about the bigger picture.
See, I was so focused on
my phones, and skincare sales,
and romantic entanglements
that I never stopped to think
about what was really
going on with the team.
- The team. Our team?
- Yeah.
See, without those distractions
I was able to dig deep
and really think
about how we got here.
So I read your Time Bureau
agent manual earlier.
- What?
That thing's over 200 pages.
- Yeah, and I started thinking,
it's not
about the how they blew us up.
It's about the who.
I made a list of suspects.
Do you want to see?
- Um, yes. Yes I do.
- Great.
- Time to spill the beans,
Lewandowski.
- [speaks Russian]
- What'd you say?
- Please,
you're making a mistake.
- I'm making a mistake?
I'm making a mistake!
Get out. Out!
- No, no, no. Please.
[yelling from other room]
- [chuckles]
- Sounds like he's really
putting the screws on him.
- Let me know
if he needs backup.
I gotta take a leak.
- Don't do this, Nate.
- Ah!
- Ahh!
Ahh!
- What are you doing?
- I'm trying to tell you
that you don't...
[yelling]
Have to tell me...
[whispering] Anything
you don't want to, because...
I will find
the answers I want...
some other way, okay?
- This is even worse
than last time.
- I've interrogated you before?
- [spits]
Of course you don't remember.
You and your men came
after me and my family,
and hundreds of others on your
manhunt for Emma Goldman,
back in 1919.
I knew nothing about her,
but because of your Red Scare,
no one believed me.
My wife and children
had to flee,
and your men beat me
for being Russian.
I lost everything,
because of you!
- I'm sorry, Igor.
That makes total sense why you
were planning on kidnapping me.
- Me?
I try to stay as far away
from you as possible.
But when you're looking
for enemies,
that's all you see.
Makes it easy to miss what's
going on right in front of you.
- Where'd those mountains go?
- That's what I'm trying
to tell you.
Somebody switched tracks
15 miles back.
- Igor, thank you, Igor.
I'll untie you in a minute.
Grab him!
[gun cocks]
- [clears throat]
Jig is up, Hoover.
Get over here.
It's kind of silly, huh?
Put on the right kind of suit,
and you can fool
anybody you want.
Even America's best detective.
- Pretty dumb pulling
a gun on a Bureau agent.
- You think you're
the smart guy here?
If you hadn't made such
a stink back in Midland,
we never would have known
you were on this train.
- Funny thing is we've been
trying to pinch you for months.
Snorky's offering
a nice chunk of cash
to whoever brings you in first.
- Snorky.
Snorky-Snorky?
- Who the heck is Snorky?
- These guys work
for Al Capone.
- Come out
with your hands up, Hoover.
So do all of them.
- You got two minutes!
- [chuckles]
[dramatic music]
[tense music]
- I ain't got all day, Edgar!
Come out,
or we start popping passengers.
- Oh, we can totally
take these guys.
- No.
- Without Gideon it's hard
to keep track of the timeline,
but Hoover wasn't killed
by mobsters, right?
So don't we have to fight?
- In the real timeline,
none of this happened.
And the world
still thinks I'm Hoover.
I'm gonna have
to make this right.
[guns cock]
- Come on.
[dramatic music]
♪
- Well, congratulations.
You got me.
- Who are you?
- Damn it.
- Give the multiverse
a low probability.
I mean what even is a paragon?
- Mm-hmm.
I think we are onto something
very important here, Z.
- Me too, Aves.
- Okay, so who's left
on our villains list?
- Damien Darhk.
- Loves us way too much
to kill us I think.
- Mm-hmm. Mallus. Malice?
Whatever.
Big Beebo--aww, David Bowie.
You know, he got that
really great song out of us.
- Yeah. it was very catchy.
- Yeah.
Let's put him
in the "maybe" pile.
- Okay.
- What about those guys,
over there?
- Ah, these guys over here.
We got time pirates.
Time wraiths.
Time witches. Clones.
Doppelgangers.
Ourselves. Time itself.
- Okay. Let's call that
the "why the hell not" pile.
- Copy that.
Oh.
And then there's this one.
- I mean that's too
out there, right?
- Zari, we've been chased
by a demon dog.
Who's to say that
we're not being hunted by--
- Sara! Ava!
- Is that...
- Guys? Hello?
Anybody. Hello?
We got a Hoover-shaped
Nate problem.
- That does not sound good.
- Guys?
- Hate to cut it short,
but we could really use
some backup out here.
- Yeah, Nate's been
kidnapped by Al Capone's men.
- [sighs]
Okay. Okay, okay, okay.
We need to find a way to stop
this with zero casualties.
- What, with weed gummies
and magic booze?
- Yes.
both: Yes?
- I ain't gonna ask you again.
We got Hoover.
Not some nobody clown.
- You're right, I am a nobody.
But I'm a nobody
who killed J. Edgar Hoover.
- Killed?
- Yeah.
- I'm surprised to bring
in the head
of the Bureau of Investigation.
Instead, I got Mr. Nobody.
This is not the plan.
- Yeah. Tell me about it.
- Oh, Snorky's gonna pop me,
for sure.
- That doesn't seem fair.
I mean, how could you
have known the guy
you were supposed to kidnap
ended up getting killed?
Some things are outside
of your control.
- I could just bump you off and
mess your face up real good.
Pass you off as Hoover's body.
- You could do that.
May work, for a while, but...
you can't outrun
the lie forever.
Eventually,
you just end up hurting
the people you care about.
Sometimes, it's easier
just to face the music
and accept the fact
that you made a mistake.
Hey, take a deep breath
with me. Come on.
both: [inhale]
[exhale]
Now, repeat after me.
I forgive myself.
- I forgive myself.
- There!
Now, don't you feel better?
- No.
- Oh.
- But that makes me
feel better.
- You all right there, big guy?
- Better now.
- Hoover's death must have been
quite the shock,
so we brought you
a little something
to soothe your grieving souls.
- And there's plenty more
where that came from.
- Oh, never-ending,
one could say.
- Holy smokes.
The Bullet Blondes?
The big fellow loves you gals.
- I would like
to formally apologize
for how I treated you both.
And I would like to ask
for a do-over.
- Already done.
- My man.
- Your photographs don't
do you justice.
[engine revs]
- That's a lot of company,
for the middle of nowhere.
[suspenseful music]
♪
- Boys. Ladies.
- Another Hoover?
- Thought you said
you killed him.
- I--I did.
[ominous music]
- Okay.
Two Waveriders and two Hoovers.
That cannot be
a coincidence.
- Is it me, or does he look
even more pissed off now?
- We're kidnapping you.
- And I'm arresting you.
In fact,
you're all under arrest.
- Over our dead bodies!
- Maybe we should just
skedaddle right over here.
Yeah?
- Everybody, take cover!
[screaming]
[exciting rock music]
- Ah!
♪
- Get in there.
Come on, move it. Go!
- We can't let
Hoover die again.
- Don't think we need
to worry about that.
- Ah! Ugh!
Jeez, ah!
- Whoa, whoa! Whoa, slow.
Wait, wait.
Wait, wait, wait...
- Guys, this is out of control.
The timeline's at serious
risk of changing.
- What are you doing?
- Oh!
- Come on.
- Oh, no.
Did we kill him again?
- There's no blood.
- Whoa. That dude is tough.
[electronic whirring]
- I don't even think
he is a dude.
I think he's a...
- Robot.
- What are the chances?
Wait, so robots blow up
the Waverider?
- J. Edgar Hoover, a robot.
That explains a lot.
- I ate a robot?
- Shh.
- Sorry, stomach,
and small intestine,
and small stomach, and--
- Gary, shush. Shush.
You did not eat a robot.
You ate the real Hoover.
This--this must be
his replacement.
- You guys,
what--what is he doing?
- Rebooting himself?
- Self-destruct sequence
initiated. 20 seconds.
- Um, guys,
I don't think that--yeah.
- We gotta go!
Come on. Let's go. Move it.
- Oh, I hope
Spooner and Astra are okay.
They're probably having
the chillest time
at Gloria's right now.
- Come on, come on, come on,
come on!
[intense music]
♪
- Hey, Gideon.
Hey...
I'm sorry.
I'm so used to the old you.
The one who always had
all the answers.
I never thought you'd be
the one needing help from us.
Do you think
we could try again?
- I wish we could figure out
a way to communicate with her.
I mean, she's obviously trying.
- Amor, you'll find a way.
You always did.
Esperanza, you didn't speak
until you were six years old.
- I don't remember that.
- You communicated with me
in other ways.
We always understood
each other, you and I,
even if we weren't using words.
You would come over
and hug me
or hold my hand.
Your little touch,
it made me feel heard.
It's your gift, Esperanza.
- Gracias, Mami.
[gentle music]
♪
I know this must be tough
for you.
I get it.
And it must be really hard
when no one understands
what you're trying
to tell them.
And I hope you know
that you're not useless.
You're just figuring it out.
[high-pitched whirring]
- I'm terrified.
How did I even get here?
I'm so lost.
Why can't they understand me?
- I can hear her.
I can hear Gideon's thoughts.
She's scared.
- What's she saying?
- Hey, it's okay.
Gideon, I'm right here.
Just breathe and focus.
- Dr. Davies' machine
in New York City.
Time travel experiment
takes place November 7th.
- She's saying Dr. Davies'
time travel experiment
will take place
in New York City,
on November 7, 1925.
- That's two weeks from today.
- Precisely, Captain.
- She's back!
- That's fantastic.
The plan's gonna work.
- Two weeks.
Maybe that explains
why they're not back yet.
- But we have to get
to Dr. Davies first,
or the Legends will die.
- Or maybe that's why.
[dramatic music]
- Pack up that ranch wear.
We've got some Legends to save.
- Greg, move your head.