Legends of Tomorrow (2016–…): Season 6, Episode 3 - The Ex-Factor - full transcript
The Legends find themselves in 2045 trying to defeat an alien warrior which leaves Zari no choice but to enter a popular singing competition. Ava has finally had enough of Rory's behavior and with the encouragement of Spooner, gives him some tough love. Sara finds herself struggling after being attacked but someone familiar helps her to keep searching for refuge. Meanwhile, Zari and Constantine have a much-needed conversation with each other.
Hey, you're gonna
have to pay extra for that.
Whatever.
Whatever you want, take it.
- Where is your ruler?
- What ruler?
"The king defends his throne."
This is your king. Where is he?
I don't know
what you are talking about.
Please...
Don't kill me.
Yo, that's DJ S'more Money.
That's right. He used to date
Zari Tarazi before she disappeared.
I heard rehab.
Where can I find
this S'more Money?
Judging some crazy singing
competition out in Hollywood.
That is an odd
occupation for a king.
But, as is the way,
I will challenge him to a death duel.
You spurn my natural emotions...
- Are you hungry? I could cook.
- I'm good.
Why don't you
stay the night this time?
John...
- Stop talking.
- Okay.
Oh.
Wait, what is that sound?
The Buzzes.
- Hmm...
- The Buzzcocks?
Oh, come on, it's only one of
England's seminal punk rock bands.
Ever fallen in love with someone...
"Ever fallen in love with someone
you shouldn't have
fallen in love with?"
Aw. John, are you
trying to tell me something?
'Course not.
Unless... you're trying
to tell me something?
- 'Course not.
- Good.
Besides, great music
is not just about the lyrics.
It's about the buzz.
The buzz.
The excitement that you get
when you play something that's...
true and real.
How many bloody phones do you have?
Personal phone and business phone,
a phone for all the Persian guys
my mom tries to set me up with.
- And a phone for emergencies.
- It's Les-Lay.
You can open up your eyes, B.
We're decent.
Regrettably.
Zari! I know you told me
not to bother you
at your yoga retreat,
but it's your ex, DJ S'mores.
He was eviscerated by an alien. Ooh.
Wow, that is a lot to digest.
Yeah, so,
I'm thinking, for the funeral,
we need a statement dress.
It's his burial, but your red carpet!
Bye!
History is literally being made.
DJ S'more Money's death
is shattering records
for most Cat-Chats in an hour.
The whole world saw it.
Apparently, the alien killed him
during a live taping of Da Throne.
Da Throne?
In our future, it's a wildly popular
singing competition,
and is single-handedly keeping
network television alive in 2045.
I don't know
which is more surprising.
An alien attacking
Zari's ex-boyfriend
or the fact that
network TV still exists.
Gideon, do us a favor and bring up
the video for them, will you?
Smashing!
I love an evisceration.
My name is Lord Knoxacrillion,
and I am here to slay the king.
Why would one of Sara's
pod aliens kill a reality star?
Maybe the alien mistook S'more
for a real king.
Yeah, and thought that he could
usurp marshmallow man's power
by offing the bastard.
Okay, so all we have to do is stop
an alien from killing a celebrity.
Simple enough.
Let's suit up for La La Land.
- What a load of crap.
- Oh...
Yeah, Mick, uh...
Shower wouldn't do you wrong, mate.
Mick, use your words.
This is a spaceship, is it not?
Why don't we use it to find Sara?
Mick, we have been over this.
The galaxy is hundreds of
billions of light years across, okay?
One of those displaced aliens
is going to lead us to Sara.
You and Spooner are gonna QB.
- Can you show her the ropes, please?
- No.
I'm taking the day off.
You're gonna let him
talk to you like that?
I don't take it personal.
That's just Rory.
Yeah, he's worse than usual.
Sara's absence
is really getting to him.
Yeah, I'm sure Sara's absence
is really getting to Rory.
- Must be very hard for him, Nate.
- I'm sorry. We're gonna find her.
I bet Sara's pulling a Thor: Ragnarok
and she's kicking some aliens' asses
and they're all shouting her name.
Sara! Sara! Sara!
Sara! Sara! You have to wake up.
Sara.
Whatever's out there,
it's still tracking us.
Don't panic, Gary.
This is Sara freaking Lance.
A little Amelia Earhart poison
isn't gonna slow you down.
I... I'm too weak, Gary.
I can't fight.
- It's on you.
- Me?
I'm no fighter.
Kayla didn't exactly fight
Spartacus now, did she?
No, no, absolutely not.
Gary... Gary, listen to me.
If I hadn't done
unforgiveable things to survive,
I never would've
made it out the other side.
Now, Ava is my other side.
And I don't care
if you have to eat your way
through the entire solar system,
I am gonna get back to her.
I'm getting back to her.
The competition is
heating up on this year's Da Throne.
With the golden buzzer still in play
and the wild card yet to be revealed,
anyone could still take the throne.
- Mâmân!
- That's your ex?
Jealous?
Of some life-size S'more who judges
some soulless singing competition?
Real musicians don't compete
to win over the masses
with mediocre
auto-tuned drivel, love.
Spoken like a former punk guitarist.
- You wanna talk to Mom?
- No.
Mâmân, I gotta go. I love you.
No, I love you more.
Sending you mushes from Hollywood.
Yeah, I'm visiting Zari in Hollywood.
All right. Every season
has a secret celebrity contestant.
What? I read up on the rules.
Last year, President Dwayne Johnson
showed up.
And for an old guy,
he can still get down.
The Rock's the president?
Please tell me
John Cena is his chief of staff.
Guys, focus.
We need to find a way into this place.
I got this.
- Hold, please.
- You're kidding me.
- What? They're designer.
- Oh. Right.
Hi!
Welcome back to Da Throne.
Our next performance starts now!
Hand on a wheel
I like to stay in control
'Cause I get mine independent
My color's silver and gold
Chain hang low like fruit from a branch
It's a juice avalanche
Dripping from my shoulders
Down to my pants...
Saucéy is on stage.
Can we get Hunter Moon to the left wing?
- Hey.
- Whoa.
Yeah. Uh, we really stand out, don't we?
You hear that song?
It's kind of catchy.
- Look at all this fruit
- You want it
Make a whole lot ofjuice with that
- Fill it in my boots
- I got it
- Get a champagne flute with that
- They see it, yeah, yeah
Cat-Chat is losing its damn mind
over that juicy performance.
What does last year's winner
and the king of Da Throne
have to say?
Sorry, babes,
but that was weak.
Weak? That's not
what you said last night.
- You said my fruit was...
- Whoa!
Let's not kiss and tell.
Now, who do we have
to the stage next?
My! You are big and strong.
You must be our wild card contestant.
I am here
to challenge the king.
You and everyone else.
Can we get a hint, lover?
Who's under the suit?
My name is Lord Knoxacrillion.
And I am here to slay the king.
DJ, drop that beat!
That was tight!
My man, you are committed.
Wha-bam!
The gold buzzer?
Looks like Lord Knoxacrillion
is one step closer
to capturing the throne!
I don't know how
you're gonna top whatever that was.
But if you wanna be the king,
figure it out fast,
because you're going
straight to the finals!
You're supposed to be
showing me the ropes.
Rule number one,
stay out of my way.
I'm fresh
out of Southern hospitality,
so I ain't gonna tiptoe
across eggshells
like everybody else around here.
Rule number two,
this place is like a revolving door.
- Don't unpack.
- Ah.
I see what's going on.
Ava told me you're the last
of the original recruits.
I guess I'd be pissy, too,
if I was the last OG.
What?
Haircut got hitched.
Sara got kidnapped.
And I don't care.
And rule number three...
I drink on the job.
Guys, meet me in the lab.
The alien's 15 minutes of fame
are up.
Um, excuse me, Mr. Knoxacrillion...
It is "Lord," flesh-bag.
Oh. Forgive me, Lord.
It seems that all the finalists
have been upgraded
to their own exclusive green room.
If you'll just follow me this way.
Mm-hmm.
So, if you would just
step right up there.
I see no green in this room.
I told you
the Iron Giant wouldn't be a problem.
Okay, the energy in here is way off.
Oh. Yeah, looks like
Spooner took over your den.
She moved my citrine crystal.
- I was manifesting abundance.
- I know.
On my planet, we use crystals to...
Hmm. You do not have that word.
Procreate.
You know what, Knox?
It is factoids like that
that really captivate an audience.
Why don't you tell us a little bit
more about what you know?
Like, do you know
where Sara Lance is?
Your cardiovascular organ
increased to 80 beats per minute
when you said "Sara Lance."
Do you know where Sara Lance is?
Yes or no?
What is a Sara Lance?
Okay, let's try this again, shall we?
How did you get to Earth?
I was abducted from my home planet.
Eighteen hours ago,
my pod crashed in a desert.
Then I woke from stasis
to fulfill my prime directive.
Which is?
To conquer new planets by challenging
their rulers to death duels.
Okay, say you win, you hitch
a ride home in like a space cabbie?
My inevitable victory will be
celebrated with an invasion.
Picked up the alien vibes
from across the ship
and look at here,
we already kidnapped him.
You did not steal me like a whelpling!
I followed you here,
but I am no prisoner.
- Gideon?
- Gideon.
- Oh, um...
- Gideon!
Lord Knoxacrillion's
superior technology is... superior.
Just say the word
and I'll blow him to kingdom come.
Impossible! This suit is resistant
to even thermonuclear weapons.
If you and your ruler
cannot fight with honor,
the challenge is canceled.
I will call my armada
to invade your planet now.
- What? No, no, no, wait...
- Stop...
We, uh, may be low peons...
but we're honored to explain
to you that you got the rules all wrong.
Yeah, Knox. Can I call you Knox?
Listen, bubby. Death duels
isn't what our planet's really about.
Yeah. Yeah, you see, here on Earth,
we compete for the throne
via song and dance.
And with those sick vocals, buddy,
you're on your way
to becoming the new king.
Song and dance?
More proof
you are an immature species.
Very well. I accept the terms
of the challenge.
Bring on Earth's best competitor.
Yes, Dragon Girls!
- Sorry!
- Oh!
- Sneaky devil, isn't she?
- This town's full of them.
Les-Lay, shouldn't you be off
running Forbes magazine's
- Business of the Year?
- Yeah.
Well, we need to talk about
Dragonesque, Zari.
Business is tradge.
Even the lip kits aren't selling.
- Everyone has lips.
- Spoken like a true capitalist.
Ignore him. He thinks
dour people have more depths.
You still love fame.
Speaking of, you've been
out of the spotlight for too long.
The public doesn't wanna
be someone they can't see.
Cups are edible in 2045.
Eco-friendly is finally in.
Too little too late, if you ask me.
Okay, what about the shareholders?
They're going to divest
without the face of the company
to promote it.
How is this happening?
I spent my whole life
building this brand.
Long, frustrating story
cut short,
the alien has to compete
for Da Throne.
Nate and Behrad are escorting him
to the studio now.
We need a new game plan.
- Aves, do you trust me?
- Always, Z.
Look who's back.
Zari T. Dodged a bullet
when the engagement fell through.
Hashtag "blessed"!
Um, actually, you're
the one who proposed, so...
'Cause I thought it would be
good for my brand. Big mistake!
- Hey, simmer down, sunshine.
- Who's the blond?
You know, you Yanks
are always behind the eight-ball.
I'm a Master of the Dark Arts,
mate, name's Johnny C.
Zari's boyfriend.
Yep.
Dating some Vegas act
isn't gonna abracadabra
your relevancy back, Zari.
You're over. You should've never...
Ignis!
Now, I'm on top of it...
Help! Help! Help!
Help me! Come on.
No, no, no. Nobody burn the vodka,
that's an accelerant!
Get out of my way! Get out of my way!
Well, I see the appeal
of this celebrity thing.
Hey, Z-Nation.
It's your girl, Zari Tarazi.
So, I have been working
on something super top secret,
and here it is.
I'm the wild card.
That's right. The Dragon Girl
is here to claim...
Da Throne.
Da Throne's played its wild card,
superstar Zari Tarazi,
facing off against
the sisters who can shred
for the chance to compete against our
golden buzzer winner in the finals.
Everybody wants it,
but not everyone has
what it takes to win...
Da Throne.
Friends, foes and neithers,
the semifinals are here!
Tonight, one contestant
will be sent packing.
So, I hope they brought
their good Louis.
Who will it be?
So, how exactly is Zari throwing
her hat in the ring in this circus
supposed to put
the kibosh on an alien invasion?
Uh... We're kind of
a Swiss Army knife operation.
Every Legend has a utility.
So, when you've got
a social influencer from the future,
you go with that.
And you hope that being
triple threat is still a thing.
Looks like you know
how to handle your team.
- Hmm.
- Except Rory.
Yeah, well, he's a special case.
Yeah. Back home, dealt with guys
like him all the time.
You give 'em an inch, they'll take
your truck and your virginity.
Next up, we've got the twins
who've made K-pop twice as hot,
versus this round's wild card,
and the king's ex, Zari Tarazi.
It's sure to be spicy!
Bonjour!
Euros, dollars, pounds, yen
Everywhere I go balling
Paparazzi all on me
Shopping spree in Italy
Red carpet, world premiere
So glamorous, they love to stare
Merci beaucoup, enchanté
Stunting in my Cartier
Merci beaucoup, enchanté
Beat face flawless
Cash flow like the River Nile
Queen, queen, queen, queen, queen
Cover story every magazine
Queen, queen, queen
Merci beaucoup, enchanté
Stunting in my Cartier
Merci beaucoup, enchanté
Bonsoir!
That gave me drama!
That gave me life!
Now let's get into the results.
Yes!
The Dragon Girl took
to the skies and into the finals!
Guess we know
who's the baddest of the bunch.
That's a hell of a way
to save the world.
Hold.
Ava?
It's all right, Sara,
you can come out now.
Sorry, things got
a little out of hand.
You know how it is when you
haven't had bone marrow in a while.
Right?
Sara?
Director Sharpe?
A planet full of Ava clones?
No!
Why did you taste so good?
Z, you were ratings gold,
but those votes
were a little too close for comfort.
It's no big deal.
My next performance just
needs to be bigger and splashier.
You know, those on-air interviews
can really sway an audience.
And Da Throne viewers are suckers
for a good love story.
Oh, my God.
He'll need a new look.
Yeah, no. Thanks, love.
I only have the one.
It'll take a little time
and a lot of cooperation,
but I can work with this.
Your sex appeal
is totally going to waste.
And we have to do something
about that hair. Girl, it's a mess.
Whoa. No, you're not touching my hair.
I'm not being funny.
Listen, this is my favorite jacket.
Don't take that away from me.
Ma'am, you cannot come back here.
Mâmân?
I saw you on TV.
And I thought surely
my daughter would tell me
if she was competing
on my favorite show.
It was sort of a last-minute thing.
And you're dating a street magician?
First a DJ, now a conman?
Zari, just because you're old
doesn't mean you have to settle.
Okay, not every woman wants
to have their first kid at 20.
I love you, too.
Do you really care
about that magic man?
I will try my best to support you,
no matter what.
No, um...
it won't last.
John is just a fling.
Thank goodness.
But, Zari darling, you look tired.
You need a little more makeup.
Where is he?
We have to start rolling.
Oh, Nate and Behrad
know what a girl wants. You look hot.
Yeah, I look like that tosser,
Criss Angel.
Right. Remember, stick to the talking
points pre-approved by Les-Lay.
Chin up. Smile. Easy-peasy.
In three, two, one.
Tonight we're getting all the tea
in our exclusive interview
with the Dragon Girl, Zari Tarazi.
And she's joined
by her mysterious new beau,
London street magician Johnny C.
Zari girl, you shocked the world
when you entered Da Throne
as a wild card
after a prolonged absence
from the public eye.
The Z-Nation is dying to know,
where have you been?
Honestly, focusing on self-care.
I've been traveling the world
with close friends,
visiting historical sites to die for.
It's all been super low-key.
And, Johnny,
is that where you enter the picture?
Yeah, yeah.
I suppose so, mate, yeah.
Oh, my gosh.
Our meet-cute was so romantic.
I was at a snowga retreat
on a historically preserved glacier.
And there he was, showing off
with his perfect scorpion pose.
We fell for each other instantly.
Yeah, that's a very poetic way
of putting it.
Oh, my God, he's so modest.
John doesn't like to brag, but he's
actually minor royalty.
Well, now you know I got to ask,
will there be wedding bells
in the Dragon Girl's future?
I mean, Princess Tarazi
does have quite the ring to it,
right?
It sounds magical.
Yeah, you want to see some magic?
Watch me disappear.
Um...
You know,
we had a really long flight.
He's probably just jet-lagged.
- Damn it, John.
- That was harsh.
What the hell was that?
You know, I could ask you
the same thing, couldn't I?
What are you talking about?
You just embarrassed me
in front of the entire world.
Oh, that's all you care about, isn't it?
Trending on bloody Chit-Chat.
Cat-Chat.
Admit it. Come on, you're using
this mission to get back on top.
I can save my home and my business.
And let's not pretend like
we all haven't been caught up
in your personal drama before.
Oh, yeah, I'm a bastard,
but at least I admit it.
You'd rather be fake for the cameras
than real when it counts.
- This isn't real.
- Oh, yeah?
Remember?
We are not together.
Just the way we both like it.
You know, it is really difficult
to keep straight what's real anymore,
but try this one on for size,
all right? I am done.
Trouble in paradise?
I got just the thing
to dry those tears.
An empowerment anthem.
Something for all the ladies
out there.
Because after all,
you wouldn't want the Z-Nation
thinking some amateur magician
clipped the Dragon Girl's wings now,
would you?
Ava, wait.
Slow down.
Where are we, babe?
After you.
You think I don't know my own Ava?
Gentle beings, we are joined
by Lord Knoxacrillion.
If this interview goes anything
like the last one,
you can expect some bombshells.
I detect
no explosives in the vicinity.
That dry wit.
That's what Da Throne fans
are loving about you.
But here's the million-dollar question.
Where on Earth did you come from?
I am not from Earth.
I am from the planet Arkana.
Oh, really?
What do you think of your competition,
the Dragon Girl, Zari Tarazi?
That's an alien.
Unless she's spouting real fire,
she does not stand a chance.
Feisty.
So, what made you enter Da Throne?
Why haven't we caught him?
We did.
It's complicated.
I was ambushed by a gangster
feared all over the galaxy.
You would say she has a face
with chicken wings on it.
Her name was Kayla.
- Gideon.
- Yes, Mr. Rory.
Uncloak.
Initiate Matador's Last Strike.
What the hell are you doing, Rory?
Last of the OG's picked up
on a few secret commands.
You can't just fire on Hollywood.
- Watch me.
- Activating weapons systems.
Foolish humans.
You think that is a threat?
Shall I prepare to fire?
- Yes.
- No!
Die, you alien scum.
Incoming!
I am detecting
alien battleships
entering the Earth's atmosphere.
Fire on me
and your ship will be destroyed.
Try another trick
and the invasion will begin.
Rory, what the hell did you do?
Uh... The Earth was screwed anyway.
Mick, we need to talk, okay?
What, you're gonna shoot me?
What the hell is wrong with you?
If you were kidnapped by aliens,
Sara would have found you by now.
You know what, you're right.
I wish I was the one taken,
but I wasn't.
And I am sick of your bad attitude
and your drinking
and your lack of personal hygiene,
okay?
What would Lita say?
She's at college.
- That's great.
- No, it's not.
She never returns my calls.
When she does,
she's always whispering
or she's at some party and there are...
boys in the background.
Mick, just because Lita's busy,
it doesn't mean
she doesn't love you anymore.
Okay? It just means
she doesn't need you.
But I need you.
Sara's missing.
It isn't just hard for you.
So get yourself together, okay?
Or get the hell off my ship.
Hello, my old friend.
Oh, bollocks!
I'm sorry, did I scare you?
Oh, my God. You're smoking?
Yeah, yeah, don't tell me in 2045
it's illegal.
Yes, but it's perfect.
It totally plays up the whole
bad boy image you've got going on.
Cat-Chat went crazy
when you dissed Z.
Oh, hang on a minute. You're telling
me that you're actually pleased
that I walked out on that interview?
Oh... There's no story
unless Zari's unhappy.
Why do you think S'more Money
was so good for her brand?
He cheated on her with her assistant
and leaked the photos.
You're her assistant.
Yeah.
Get ready to light up.
Ooh.
Do you think you can say
something to make Zari cry?
She's usually so guarded.
You know what? I quit.
Thanks for coming,
Lord K.
Now, what's your song for the finals?
I will wail, as in battle.
Mmm. Not really sure that's gonna work.
Again. But listen.
I got this banger
I've been working on.
It's sort of like
a female empowerment anthem.
On my planet, we do not follow
a binary gender construct.
We all carry and bear children.
Perfect.
Perfect.
Then you can use the song.
Wha-bam!
I am synthesizing 500,000
of Earth supreme vocalists.
I will be king.
Whoa!
Hey, this is my dressing room.
Come on now, hey.
What are you up to, you sneaky git?
I don't got
to tell you guys nothing!
You talk or I'll rip
that stupid donut off your head
and feed you your tender bits.
Okay, okay, okay. Chill, chill.
I gave Knox and Zari the same song.
He's up first. No way she can win.
I cannot wait to punch you
in the face again.
Me first, please.
What? Can't the pacifist
blow off a little steam?
I don't want him anywhere
near the competition.
Give me a hand.
Our last two contestants are one
step closer to taking home the crown.
First to our stage,
give a virtual hand
for the winner of the gold buzzer,
Lord Knoxacrillion!
I love you, Lord Knox!
So this is what it must
feel like to be a king.
I dig it.
- Zari, listen...
- I'm watching the competition.
Uh, you may begin.
I love me, myself and I
So hard that I might
Die
That cheat. He's singing my song.
Then I resurrect myself
No need for a man's help
Strong, fierce and free
You'll never behead me
'Cause I am a dream
Your superstar queen
Soaring through the air
The real Dragon Girl's here
I won't leave you
I won't deceive you
So bow down and beware
The real Dragon Girl's here
So bow down and beware
The real Dragon Girl's here
Lord Knox! Lord Knox!
Lord Knox!
That wasn't real music.
Tosser couldn't even connect
to the lyrics.
Doesn't mean anything.
It means everything, John.
It means we lost.
A finalist who sang
a gender-bending diss track?
That was everything,
and it's going to be a hard act
for Zari to follow.
I've gotta know.
Why would you tell your mother
that this wouldn't last?
What?
Is this really the time?
Um... Yeah.
Because, John, you and I
can't even take the first step.
And even if we did,
this thing we have is bound to end.
It always does.
That's usually my line.
I know that I don't deserve
to be happy,
and I know we'll probably
muck this up, all right?
But I'm willing to throw the dice.
I want this to be real.
I do.
What do you say?
You spurn my natural emotions
You make me feel I'm dirt
And I'm hurt
And if I start a commotion
I run the risk of losing you
And that's worse
Ever fallen in love with someone
Ever fallen in love
In love with someone
Ever fallen in love
In love with someone
You shouldn't have fallen
In love with
I can't see much of a future
Unless we find out
What's to blame
What a shame
And we won't be together much longer
Unless we realize that
We are the same
Ever fallen in love with someone
Ever fallen in love
In love with someone
Ever fallen in love
In love with someone
You shouldn't have fallen
In love with
Ever fallen in love with someone
You shouldn't have fallen
In love with
Imposter!
What is this?
Another trick?
The trick was, S'more Money
gave you a song he already gave Zari.
Drama!
And still our virtual audience
is Cat-Chatting their votes.
Get out of my throne!
And the new winner is...
Whoo!
Friends, foes and neithers,
you have spoken.
Zari Tarazi is the new queen
of Da Throne.
I am your humble servant, Queen Z.
Okay.
I never doubted you for an instant.
I sure as hell did.
Well, I couldn't have done it
without my team.
My fashion guru, Behrad.
Nate on hair, and of course...
my boyfriend.
Now there's a word
to make lesser men wilt.
- Scared?
- Terrified.
Me, too.
- Mmm, mmm.
- Hmm?
- Come on.
- What is...
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Put that thing away.
- Stop that.
Can't you see?
He's as small as a grasshopper.
And like one of your grasshoppers,
my kind is ancient.
Technology and subterfuge
has been key to our survival, my...
- Why?
- Rory!
Listen.
I got to thinking.
Sara was smuggled on a ship,
we've been searching
for the wrong cargo.
We need to find the driver.
The alien called her Kayla.
- You drew that?
- I did.
Okay, so we're looking for, um,
an alien that looks like
she has chicken wings on her face?
Uh... Yes.
Anyway, we find Kayla,
we find Sara.
So what do you think, Cap?
Rory, I think that's...
an excellent idea.
Oh.
Good.
Space girl, melting away
Space girl, gravity betrayed her
Space girl, a punk rock treasure...
You wouldn't happen to be missing
an Ava clone from your dinner party,
would you?
The infamous Sara Lance.
I've been waiting...
a long time for you.
have to pay extra for that.
Whatever.
Whatever you want, take it.
- Where is your ruler?
- What ruler?
"The king defends his throne."
This is your king. Where is he?
I don't know
what you are talking about.
Please...
Don't kill me.
Yo, that's DJ S'more Money.
That's right. He used to date
Zari Tarazi before she disappeared.
I heard rehab.
Where can I find
this S'more Money?
Judging some crazy singing
competition out in Hollywood.
That is an odd
occupation for a king.
But, as is the way,
I will challenge him to a death duel.
You spurn my natural emotions...
- Are you hungry? I could cook.
- I'm good.
Why don't you
stay the night this time?
John...
- Stop talking.
- Okay.
Oh.
Wait, what is that sound?
The Buzzes.
- Hmm...
- The Buzzcocks?
Oh, come on, it's only one of
England's seminal punk rock bands.
Ever fallen in love with someone...
"Ever fallen in love with someone
you shouldn't have
fallen in love with?"
Aw. John, are you
trying to tell me something?
'Course not.
Unless... you're trying
to tell me something?
- 'Course not.
- Good.
Besides, great music
is not just about the lyrics.
It's about the buzz.
The buzz.
The excitement that you get
when you play something that's...
true and real.
How many bloody phones do you have?
Personal phone and business phone,
a phone for all the Persian guys
my mom tries to set me up with.
- And a phone for emergencies.
- It's Les-Lay.
You can open up your eyes, B.
We're decent.
Regrettably.
Zari! I know you told me
not to bother you
at your yoga retreat,
but it's your ex, DJ S'mores.
He was eviscerated by an alien. Ooh.
Wow, that is a lot to digest.
Yeah, so,
I'm thinking, for the funeral,
we need a statement dress.
It's his burial, but your red carpet!
Bye!
History is literally being made.
DJ S'more Money's death
is shattering records
for most Cat-Chats in an hour.
The whole world saw it.
Apparently, the alien killed him
during a live taping of Da Throne.
Da Throne?
In our future, it's a wildly popular
singing competition,
and is single-handedly keeping
network television alive in 2045.
I don't know
which is more surprising.
An alien attacking
Zari's ex-boyfriend
or the fact that
network TV still exists.
Gideon, do us a favor and bring up
the video for them, will you?
Smashing!
I love an evisceration.
My name is Lord Knoxacrillion,
and I am here to slay the king.
Why would one of Sara's
pod aliens kill a reality star?
Maybe the alien mistook S'more
for a real king.
Yeah, and thought that he could
usurp marshmallow man's power
by offing the bastard.
Okay, so all we have to do is stop
an alien from killing a celebrity.
Simple enough.
Let's suit up for La La Land.
- What a load of crap.
- Oh...
Yeah, Mick, uh...
Shower wouldn't do you wrong, mate.
Mick, use your words.
This is a spaceship, is it not?
Why don't we use it to find Sara?
Mick, we have been over this.
The galaxy is hundreds of
billions of light years across, okay?
One of those displaced aliens
is going to lead us to Sara.
You and Spooner are gonna QB.
- Can you show her the ropes, please?
- No.
I'm taking the day off.
You're gonna let him
talk to you like that?
I don't take it personal.
That's just Rory.
Yeah, he's worse than usual.
Sara's absence
is really getting to him.
Yeah, I'm sure Sara's absence
is really getting to Rory.
- Must be very hard for him, Nate.
- I'm sorry. We're gonna find her.
I bet Sara's pulling a Thor: Ragnarok
and she's kicking some aliens' asses
and they're all shouting her name.
Sara! Sara! Sara!
Sara! Sara! You have to wake up.
Sara.
Whatever's out there,
it's still tracking us.
Don't panic, Gary.
This is Sara freaking Lance.
A little Amelia Earhart poison
isn't gonna slow you down.
I... I'm too weak, Gary.
I can't fight.
- It's on you.
- Me?
I'm no fighter.
Kayla didn't exactly fight
Spartacus now, did she?
No, no, absolutely not.
Gary... Gary, listen to me.
If I hadn't done
unforgiveable things to survive,
I never would've
made it out the other side.
Now, Ava is my other side.
And I don't care
if you have to eat your way
through the entire solar system,
I am gonna get back to her.
I'm getting back to her.
The competition is
heating up on this year's Da Throne.
With the golden buzzer still in play
and the wild card yet to be revealed,
anyone could still take the throne.
- Mâmân!
- That's your ex?
Jealous?
Of some life-size S'more who judges
some soulless singing competition?
Real musicians don't compete
to win over the masses
with mediocre
auto-tuned drivel, love.
Spoken like a former punk guitarist.
- You wanna talk to Mom?
- No.
Mâmân, I gotta go. I love you.
No, I love you more.
Sending you mushes from Hollywood.
Yeah, I'm visiting Zari in Hollywood.
All right. Every season
has a secret celebrity contestant.
What? I read up on the rules.
Last year, President Dwayne Johnson
showed up.
And for an old guy,
he can still get down.
The Rock's the president?
Please tell me
John Cena is his chief of staff.
Guys, focus.
We need to find a way into this place.
I got this.
- Hold, please.
- You're kidding me.
- What? They're designer.
- Oh. Right.
Hi!
Welcome back to Da Throne.
Our next performance starts now!
Hand on a wheel
I like to stay in control
'Cause I get mine independent
My color's silver and gold
Chain hang low like fruit from a branch
It's a juice avalanche
Dripping from my shoulders
Down to my pants...
Saucéy is on stage.
Can we get Hunter Moon to the left wing?
- Hey.
- Whoa.
Yeah. Uh, we really stand out, don't we?
You hear that song?
It's kind of catchy.
- Look at all this fruit
- You want it
Make a whole lot ofjuice with that
- Fill it in my boots
- I got it
- Get a champagne flute with that
- They see it, yeah, yeah
Cat-Chat is losing its damn mind
over that juicy performance.
What does last year's winner
and the king of Da Throne
have to say?
Sorry, babes,
but that was weak.
Weak? That's not
what you said last night.
- You said my fruit was...
- Whoa!
Let's not kiss and tell.
Now, who do we have
to the stage next?
My! You are big and strong.
You must be our wild card contestant.
I am here
to challenge the king.
You and everyone else.
Can we get a hint, lover?
Who's under the suit?
My name is Lord Knoxacrillion.
And I am here to slay the king.
DJ, drop that beat!
That was tight!
My man, you are committed.
Wha-bam!
The gold buzzer?
Looks like Lord Knoxacrillion
is one step closer
to capturing the throne!
I don't know how
you're gonna top whatever that was.
But if you wanna be the king,
figure it out fast,
because you're going
straight to the finals!
You're supposed to be
showing me the ropes.
Rule number one,
stay out of my way.
I'm fresh
out of Southern hospitality,
so I ain't gonna tiptoe
across eggshells
like everybody else around here.
Rule number two,
this place is like a revolving door.
- Don't unpack.
- Ah.
I see what's going on.
Ava told me you're the last
of the original recruits.
I guess I'd be pissy, too,
if I was the last OG.
What?
Haircut got hitched.
Sara got kidnapped.
And I don't care.
And rule number three...
I drink on the job.
Guys, meet me in the lab.
The alien's 15 minutes of fame
are up.
Um, excuse me, Mr. Knoxacrillion...
It is "Lord," flesh-bag.
Oh. Forgive me, Lord.
It seems that all the finalists
have been upgraded
to their own exclusive green room.
If you'll just follow me this way.
Mm-hmm.
So, if you would just
step right up there.
I see no green in this room.
I told you
the Iron Giant wouldn't be a problem.
Okay, the energy in here is way off.
Oh. Yeah, looks like
Spooner took over your den.
She moved my citrine crystal.
- I was manifesting abundance.
- I know.
On my planet, we use crystals to...
Hmm. You do not have that word.
Procreate.
You know what, Knox?
It is factoids like that
that really captivate an audience.
Why don't you tell us a little bit
more about what you know?
Like, do you know
where Sara Lance is?
Your cardiovascular organ
increased to 80 beats per minute
when you said "Sara Lance."
Do you know where Sara Lance is?
Yes or no?
What is a Sara Lance?
Okay, let's try this again, shall we?
How did you get to Earth?
I was abducted from my home planet.
Eighteen hours ago,
my pod crashed in a desert.
Then I woke from stasis
to fulfill my prime directive.
Which is?
To conquer new planets by challenging
their rulers to death duels.
Okay, say you win, you hitch
a ride home in like a space cabbie?
My inevitable victory will be
celebrated with an invasion.
Picked up the alien vibes
from across the ship
and look at here,
we already kidnapped him.
You did not steal me like a whelpling!
I followed you here,
but I am no prisoner.
- Gideon?
- Gideon.
- Oh, um...
- Gideon!
Lord Knoxacrillion's
superior technology is... superior.
Just say the word
and I'll blow him to kingdom come.
Impossible! This suit is resistant
to even thermonuclear weapons.
If you and your ruler
cannot fight with honor,
the challenge is canceled.
I will call my armada
to invade your planet now.
- What? No, no, no, wait...
- Stop...
We, uh, may be low peons...
but we're honored to explain
to you that you got the rules all wrong.
Yeah, Knox. Can I call you Knox?
Listen, bubby. Death duels
isn't what our planet's really about.
Yeah. Yeah, you see, here on Earth,
we compete for the throne
via song and dance.
And with those sick vocals, buddy,
you're on your way
to becoming the new king.
Song and dance?
More proof
you are an immature species.
Very well. I accept the terms
of the challenge.
Bring on Earth's best competitor.
Yes, Dragon Girls!
- Sorry!
- Oh!
- Sneaky devil, isn't she?
- This town's full of them.
Les-Lay, shouldn't you be off
running Forbes magazine's
- Business of the Year?
- Yeah.
Well, we need to talk about
Dragonesque, Zari.
Business is tradge.
Even the lip kits aren't selling.
- Everyone has lips.
- Spoken like a true capitalist.
Ignore him. He thinks
dour people have more depths.
You still love fame.
Speaking of, you've been
out of the spotlight for too long.
The public doesn't wanna
be someone they can't see.
Cups are edible in 2045.
Eco-friendly is finally in.
Too little too late, if you ask me.
Okay, what about the shareholders?
They're going to divest
without the face of the company
to promote it.
How is this happening?
I spent my whole life
building this brand.
Long, frustrating story
cut short,
the alien has to compete
for Da Throne.
Nate and Behrad are escorting him
to the studio now.
We need a new game plan.
- Aves, do you trust me?
- Always, Z.
Look who's back.
Zari T. Dodged a bullet
when the engagement fell through.
Hashtag "blessed"!
Um, actually, you're
the one who proposed, so...
'Cause I thought it would be
good for my brand. Big mistake!
- Hey, simmer down, sunshine.
- Who's the blond?
You know, you Yanks
are always behind the eight-ball.
I'm a Master of the Dark Arts,
mate, name's Johnny C.
Zari's boyfriend.
Yep.
Dating some Vegas act
isn't gonna abracadabra
your relevancy back, Zari.
You're over. You should've never...
Ignis!
Now, I'm on top of it...
Help! Help! Help!
Help me! Come on.
No, no, no. Nobody burn the vodka,
that's an accelerant!
Get out of my way! Get out of my way!
Well, I see the appeal
of this celebrity thing.
Hey, Z-Nation.
It's your girl, Zari Tarazi.
So, I have been working
on something super top secret,
and here it is.
I'm the wild card.
That's right. The Dragon Girl
is here to claim...
Da Throne.
Da Throne's played its wild card,
superstar Zari Tarazi,
facing off against
the sisters who can shred
for the chance to compete against our
golden buzzer winner in the finals.
Everybody wants it,
but not everyone has
what it takes to win...
Da Throne.
Friends, foes and neithers,
the semifinals are here!
Tonight, one contestant
will be sent packing.
So, I hope they brought
their good Louis.
Who will it be?
So, how exactly is Zari throwing
her hat in the ring in this circus
supposed to put
the kibosh on an alien invasion?
Uh... We're kind of
a Swiss Army knife operation.
Every Legend has a utility.
So, when you've got
a social influencer from the future,
you go with that.
And you hope that being
triple threat is still a thing.
Looks like you know
how to handle your team.
- Hmm.
- Except Rory.
Yeah, well, he's a special case.
Yeah. Back home, dealt with guys
like him all the time.
You give 'em an inch, they'll take
your truck and your virginity.
Next up, we've got the twins
who've made K-pop twice as hot,
versus this round's wild card,
and the king's ex, Zari Tarazi.
It's sure to be spicy!
Bonjour!
Euros, dollars, pounds, yen
Everywhere I go balling
Paparazzi all on me
Shopping spree in Italy
Red carpet, world premiere
So glamorous, they love to stare
Merci beaucoup, enchanté
Stunting in my Cartier
Merci beaucoup, enchanté
Beat face flawless
Cash flow like the River Nile
Queen, queen, queen, queen, queen
Cover story every magazine
Queen, queen, queen
Merci beaucoup, enchanté
Stunting in my Cartier
Merci beaucoup, enchanté
Bonsoir!
That gave me drama!
That gave me life!
Now let's get into the results.
Yes!
The Dragon Girl took
to the skies and into the finals!
Guess we know
who's the baddest of the bunch.
That's a hell of a way
to save the world.
Hold.
Ava?
It's all right, Sara,
you can come out now.
Sorry, things got
a little out of hand.
You know how it is when you
haven't had bone marrow in a while.
Right?
Sara?
Director Sharpe?
A planet full of Ava clones?
No!
Why did you taste so good?
Z, you were ratings gold,
but those votes
were a little too close for comfort.
It's no big deal.
My next performance just
needs to be bigger and splashier.
You know, those on-air interviews
can really sway an audience.
And Da Throne viewers are suckers
for a good love story.
Oh, my God.
He'll need a new look.
Yeah, no. Thanks, love.
I only have the one.
It'll take a little time
and a lot of cooperation,
but I can work with this.
Your sex appeal
is totally going to waste.
And we have to do something
about that hair. Girl, it's a mess.
Whoa. No, you're not touching my hair.
I'm not being funny.
Listen, this is my favorite jacket.
Don't take that away from me.
Ma'am, you cannot come back here.
Mâmân?
I saw you on TV.
And I thought surely
my daughter would tell me
if she was competing
on my favorite show.
It was sort of a last-minute thing.
And you're dating a street magician?
First a DJ, now a conman?
Zari, just because you're old
doesn't mean you have to settle.
Okay, not every woman wants
to have their first kid at 20.
I love you, too.
Do you really care
about that magic man?
I will try my best to support you,
no matter what.
No, um...
it won't last.
John is just a fling.
Thank goodness.
But, Zari darling, you look tired.
You need a little more makeup.
Where is he?
We have to start rolling.
Oh, Nate and Behrad
know what a girl wants. You look hot.
Yeah, I look like that tosser,
Criss Angel.
Right. Remember, stick to the talking
points pre-approved by Les-Lay.
Chin up. Smile. Easy-peasy.
In three, two, one.
Tonight we're getting all the tea
in our exclusive interview
with the Dragon Girl, Zari Tarazi.
And she's joined
by her mysterious new beau,
London street magician Johnny C.
Zari girl, you shocked the world
when you entered Da Throne
as a wild card
after a prolonged absence
from the public eye.
The Z-Nation is dying to know,
where have you been?
Honestly, focusing on self-care.
I've been traveling the world
with close friends,
visiting historical sites to die for.
It's all been super low-key.
And, Johnny,
is that where you enter the picture?
Yeah, yeah.
I suppose so, mate, yeah.
Oh, my gosh.
Our meet-cute was so romantic.
I was at a snowga retreat
on a historically preserved glacier.
And there he was, showing off
with his perfect scorpion pose.
We fell for each other instantly.
Yeah, that's a very poetic way
of putting it.
Oh, my God, he's so modest.
John doesn't like to brag, but he's
actually minor royalty.
Well, now you know I got to ask,
will there be wedding bells
in the Dragon Girl's future?
I mean, Princess Tarazi
does have quite the ring to it,
right?
It sounds magical.
Yeah, you want to see some magic?
Watch me disappear.
Um...
You know,
we had a really long flight.
He's probably just jet-lagged.
- Damn it, John.
- That was harsh.
What the hell was that?
You know, I could ask you
the same thing, couldn't I?
What are you talking about?
You just embarrassed me
in front of the entire world.
Oh, that's all you care about, isn't it?
Trending on bloody Chit-Chat.
Cat-Chat.
Admit it. Come on, you're using
this mission to get back on top.
I can save my home and my business.
And let's not pretend like
we all haven't been caught up
in your personal drama before.
Oh, yeah, I'm a bastard,
but at least I admit it.
You'd rather be fake for the cameras
than real when it counts.
- This isn't real.
- Oh, yeah?
Remember?
We are not together.
Just the way we both like it.
You know, it is really difficult
to keep straight what's real anymore,
but try this one on for size,
all right? I am done.
Trouble in paradise?
I got just the thing
to dry those tears.
An empowerment anthem.
Something for all the ladies
out there.
Because after all,
you wouldn't want the Z-Nation
thinking some amateur magician
clipped the Dragon Girl's wings now,
would you?
Ava, wait.
Slow down.
Where are we, babe?
After you.
You think I don't know my own Ava?
Gentle beings, we are joined
by Lord Knoxacrillion.
If this interview goes anything
like the last one,
you can expect some bombshells.
I detect
no explosives in the vicinity.
That dry wit.
That's what Da Throne fans
are loving about you.
But here's the million-dollar question.
Where on Earth did you come from?
I am not from Earth.
I am from the planet Arkana.
Oh, really?
What do you think of your competition,
the Dragon Girl, Zari Tarazi?
That's an alien.
Unless she's spouting real fire,
she does not stand a chance.
Feisty.
So, what made you enter Da Throne?
Why haven't we caught him?
We did.
It's complicated.
I was ambushed by a gangster
feared all over the galaxy.
You would say she has a face
with chicken wings on it.
Her name was Kayla.
- Gideon.
- Yes, Mr. Rory.
Uncloak.
Initiate Matador's Last Strike.
What the hell are you doing, Rory?
Last of the OG's picked up
on a few secret commands.
You can't just fire on Hollywood.
- Watch me.
- Activating weapons systems.
Foolish humans.
You think that is a threat?
Shall I prepare to fire?
- Yes.
- No!
Die, you alien scum.
Incoming!
I am detecting
alien battleships
entering the Earth's atmosphere.
Fire on me
and your ship will be destroyed.
Try another trick
and the invasion will begin.
Rory, what the hell did you do?
Uh... The Earth was screwed anyway.
Mick, we need to talk, okay?
What, you're gonna shoot me?
What the hell is wrong with you?
If you were kidnapped by aliens,
Sara would have found you by now.
You know what, you're right.
I wish I was the one taken,
but I wasn't.
And I am sick of your bad attitude
and your drinking
and your lack of personal hygiene,
okay?
What would Lita say?
She's at college.
- That's great.
- No, it's not.
She never returns my calls.
When she does,
she's always whispering
or she's at some party and there are...
boys in the background.
Mick, just because Lita's busy,
it doesn't mean
she doesn't love you anymore.
Okay? It just means
she doesn't need you.
But I need you.
Sara's missing.
It isn't just hard for you.
So get yourself together, okay?
Or get the hell off my ship.
Hello, my old friend.
Oh, bollocks!
I'm sorry, did I scare you?
Oh, my God. You're smoking?
Yeah, yeah, don't tell me in 2045
it's illegal.
Yes, but it's perfect.
It totally plays up the whole
bad boy image you've got going on.
Cat-Chat went crazy
when you dissed Z.
Oh, hang on a minute. You're telling
me that you're actually pleased
that I walked out on that interview?
Oh... There's no story
unless Zari's unhappy.
Why do you think S'more Money
was so good for her brand?
He cheated on her with her assistant
and leaked the photos.
You're her assistant.
Yeah.
Get ready to light up.
Ooh.
Do you think you can say
something to make Zari cry?
She's usually so guarded.
You know what? I quit.
Thanks for coming,
Lord K.
Now, what's your song for the finals?
I will wail, as in battle.
Mmm. Not really sure that's gonna work.
Again. But listen.
I got this banger
I've been working on.
It's sort of like
a female empowerment anthem.
On my planet, we do not follow
a binary gender construct.
We all carry and bear children.
Perfect.
Perfect.
Then you can use the song.
Wha-bam!
I am synthesizing 500,000
of Earth supreme vocalists.
I will be king.
Whoa!
Hey, this is my dressing room.
Come on now, hey.
What are you up to, you sneaky git?
I don't got
to tell you guys nothing!
You talk or I'll rip
that stupid donut off your head
and feed you your tender bits.
Okay, okay, okay. Chill, chill.
I gave Knox and Zari the same song.
He's up first. No way she can win.
I cannot wait to punch you
in the face again.
Me first, please.
What? Can't the pacifist
blow off a little steam?
I don't want him anywhere
near the competition.
Give me a hand.
Our last two contestants are one
step closer to taking home the crown.
First to our stage,
give a virtual hand
for the winner of the gold buzzer,
Lord Knoxacrillion!
I love you, Lord Knox!
So this is what it must
feel like to be a king.
I dig it.
- Zari, listen...
- I'm watching the competition.
Uh, you may begin.
I love me, myself and I
So hard that I might
Die
That cheat. He's singing my song.
Then I resurrect myself
No need for a man's help
Strong, fierce and free
You'll never behead me
'Cause I am a dream
Your superstar queen
Soaring through the air
The real Dragon Girl's here
I won't leave you
I won't deceive you
So bow down and beware
The real Dragon Girl's here
So bow down and beware
The real Dragon Girl's here
Lord Knox! Lord Knox!
Lord Knox!
That wasn't real music.
Tosser couldn't even connect
to the lyrics.
Doesn't mean anything.
It means everything, John.
It means we lost.
A finalist who sang
a gender-bending diss track?
That was everything,
and it's going to be a hard act
for Zari to follow.
I've gotta know.
Why would you tell your mother
that this wouldn't last?
What?
Is this really the time?
Um... Yeah.
Because, John, you and I
can't even take the first step.
And even if we did,
this thing we have is bound to end.
It always does.
That's usually my line.
I know that I don't deserve
to be happy,
and I know we'll probably
muck this up, all right?
But I'm willing to throw the dice.
I want this to be real.
I do.
What do you say?
You spurn my natural emotions
You make me feel I'm dirt
And I'm hurt
And if I start a commotion
I run the risk of losing you
And that's worse
Ever fallen in love with someone
Ever fallen in love
In love with someone
Ever fallen in love
In love with someone
You shouldn't have fallen
In love with
I can't see much of a future
Unless we find out
What's to blame
What a shame
And we won't be together much longer
Unless we realize that
We are the same
Ever fallen in love with someone
Ever fallen in love
In love with someone
Ever fallen in love
In love with someone
You shouldn't have fallen
In love with
Ever fallen in love with someone
You shouldn't have fallen
In love with
Imposter!
What is this?
Another trick?
The trick was, S'more Money
gave you a song he already gave Zari.
Drama!
And still our virtual audience
is Cat-Chatting their votes.
Get out of my throne!
And the new winner is...
Whoo!
Friends, foes and neithers,
you have spoken.
Zari Tarazi is the new queen
of Da Throne.
I am your humble servant, Queen Z.
Okay.
I never doubted you for an instant.
I sure as hell did.
Well, I couldn't have done it
without my team.
My fashion guru, Behrad.
Nate on hair, and of course...
my boyfriend.
Now there's a word
to make lesser men wilt.
- Scared?
- Terrified.
Me, too.
- Mmm, mmm.
- Hmm?
- Come on.
- What is...
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Put that thing away.
- Stop that.
Can't you see?
He's as small as a grasshopper.
And like one of your grasshoppers,
my kind is ancient.
Technology and subterfuge
has been key to our survival, my...
- Why?
- Rory!
Listen.
I got to thinking.
Sara was smuggled on a ship,
we've been searching
for the wrong cargo.
We need to find the driver.
The alien called her Kayla.
- You drew that?
- I did.
Okay, so we're looking for, um,
an alien that looks like
she has chicken wings on her face?
Uh... Yes.
Anyway, we find Kayla,
we find Sara.
So what do you think, Cap?
Rory, I think that's...
an excellent idea.
Oh.
Good.
Space girl, melting away
Space girl, gravity betrayed her
Space girl, a punk rock treasure...
You wouldn't happen to be missing
an Ava clone from your dinner party,
would you?
The infamous Sara Lance.
I've been waiting...
a long time for you.