Legends of Tomorrow (2016–…): Season 6, Episode 12 - Bored on Board Onboard - full transcript

Come on, Cap,
can't we just roll one more?

- No!
- No!

Sorry. We'll have a rematch
at our next date night.

I don't know about all of y'all,
but I'm done with space.

Get these shoes on solid ground.

Agreed, but not in those shoes.

We need to talk about your footwear.

Try to put a heel on me
and I'll show you where to stick it.

Oh, I'm with Miss Cruz on this one.

I think it's about time
that we all return to where we belong.

- Don't you think?
- Right.



Okay, message received.

You are correct.
It is time for us to swap back.

- It's not forever.
- I know.

- We got this.
- Yeah.

Okay, fancy Z, time to come out.

Oh, B, I...

- John, I missed your face so much.
- I missed you so much.

- Wait, are we in actual space?
- Yup.

- Uh... Do I wanna know why?
- Desperate times.

The world was at stake.
All that malarkey.

Let me explain it to you
over a nice cuppa cha,

maybe a foot massage, yeah?

Talk later, Z. Boos before bros.

- Unless your other bro is a time bro.
- Time bro.



Hey, babe, something's wrong.

I can't set jump coordinates. Can you...

I'm afraid my jump drive
was damaged

when Mr. Constantine
magicked us across the universe.

Well, I guess we're going
to have to take the long way.

Calculating the most
efficient route.

Taking into consideration the
Waverider's fuel and energy reserves,

we should arrive safely in three weeks,
two days and 21 hours.

Stuck on the ship for three weeks?

I'll be in my room.

When we land on Earth, wake me up.

These damn eggs
are making my head itchy.

I'll bring you
some cocoa butter for that.

And I have a great way to pass the time.

It's this super fun role-playing game.

It's called Beast/Slayers.

A Gothic mystery adventure awaits.

Well, we have a wedding
we have to plan.

Yeah, we've so much to plan.
We just...

We're very busy.

Okay. I'll just set it up
in case you guys change your mind.

Okay.

I have everything organized by category.

Hmm. Wow.

Yep. This is... This is thorough.

We've got group A,
those who need to come, obviously.

Group B, those who we would love
to come, but if they can't, it's okay.

And... Come on.

Group C are the people that we should
definitely send an invitation to

and pray that they RSVP "no."

What about Group D?

Yeah, well, those are the people
who it might be better that

they don't know we're getting married
until it's too late.

Why is Barry Allen on this list?
I love Barry.

I know you do, babe,

but you know that
if Barry and Iris show up,

there is a 100% chance

that our special day will be blown up
by a super-villain, so,

- Group D.
- Okay.

Hold on a second.

Gideon, why is our trip getting longer?

I've recalculated the duration

based on our current level
of power consumption.

Power consumption?

No, you will not survive this.

Oh, I'll survive.

- Deadly combo coming at you.
- No. No.

Ha!

Wait, wait. No, no, I'm not out.
I'm not out. I'm not...

Hey!

Sorry, kiddos. We gotta conserve power
or we're never gonna get home.

So no screen time?

Afraid so.

I got you, Captain.

No power, no problem.

Right, who's next?

Gideon, I would like a prime rib,

medium rare, with shoestring fries
and béarnaise and...

Ah, ah, ah. Gideon, scrap that order.

Sorry, you can't use
the food fabricator anymore.

How are we supposed to feed ourselves?

I don't know.

Oh, look.

Food.

Cook it the old-fashioned way. Yummy.

How does that robe fit you, love?

- Actually, it's a little bit big.
- Oh, right.

Oh.

Wow, it's perfect now.

You all right, man?

Aces all round, squire. Aces all round.

I feel magnificent.

How do you feel, good?

Oh...

- Mmm.
- Oh, wow.

- Yeah.
- Oh, hello, Brother.

John is taking me on a spa date.

Ah, on the ship?

Oh, ye of little faith.

You see, I've finally got my magic back
and no occasion to use it

save for doting on
that delightful deity.

Relaxation awaits.

Deep breaths as you fire up
that back leg.

Steel is not flexible.

Inhale, extend.

Exhale, goddess pose.

Oh, I missed this.

I'll take the positivity
into my energy sphere with gratitude.

Room for an English one?

- We're kind of in the middle of a...
- Of course.

Prepare yourself for total relaxation.

Yeah.

The atmosphere could do with
a bit of upgrade, though, couldn't it?

Wow. Now that is how you set the mood.

Whew! What, did you raise it 20 degrees
in here? I'm beginning to schvitz.

Guess we're doing hot yoga.

But in the interest of preserving
the sanctity of this practice,

I ask that you keep your pants on.

Well, in the interest of achieving
a higher state of consciousness,

I must bare myself to the elements.

Come on, B, you know how he is.

Sure, but I'd rather not know
all of him right now, okay?

I thought that you, of all people,
would, you know, go with the flow.

The flow was my flow
till you came and hijacked it.

Hijacked it? Improved it, you mean.

Do you know what? This is bollocks.

Well, I'm gonna go practice
somewhere more welcoming.

- Cheers.
- Behrad.

- Don't Mom voice me, Zari.
- Guys, guys, just take a breath.

You're right. This is a safe space.

- John, you can stay.
- No, no.

No, the mood's all wrong now, mate.

John?

Well, if that is the issue

then why did you put your fake
actor parents in Group A?

Whoa, whoa, I have very fond memories
of them that feel real and I...

Well, Black Siren
is my sister Laurel from another...

...a prick in
a dartboard, all right?

I know when I'm not wanted,
and I'm not going to outstay my welcome.

John, don't be so dramatic.
Go back there and make amends.

- He didn't mean what he said.
- Whoa, hold on.

What is the drama?

Tensions are very high.

People are feeling very prickly.

How is this already happening?
It's day three.

It is very stressful
being cooped up on a Timeship.

Worse. It's bloody boring.

Yeah. Without technology to distract us

it's only gonna get worse
before it gets better.

We need an activity.

Something to bring us together,

like a mission,

but not a mission.

Like a game.

Welcome to the world of Beast/Slayers.

In this Gothic adventure, you will
enter a mansion for a dinner party,

only to be hunted by a horrendous beast.

Oh, I see what's happening here.

It's like Mafia.
One of us is secretly the Beast,

and it's up to the rest of us to figure
it out before it's too late. Go ahead.

After each kill, you will deliberate

on who to accuse
of being the horrendous monster.

Accuse correctly,
the Beast dies and the humans win.

And if we accuse incorrectly?

Well, then the game continues
and it's the Beast's turn to strike!

I'll be the all-knowing narrator
who will usher the game along.

Meanwhile, you will each need
to select a character and a card.

Ooh, can I go first?

Mmm... Eccentric Detective.

Hmm. Black Widow.

Starving Artist.

Wealthy Foreigner.

"Reluctant Soothsayer."
Typecast much?

Big Game Hunter. I'll take it.

Hmm. Prima Donna. Obvious.

A Consumptive Doctor. Original.

Oh.

All right. Now, keep each
of these cards secret.

They either say "Human"
or they say "Beast."

Know who and what you are...

as we begin.

It's a dark and stormy night,

as a group of strangers are summoned
to the home of a rich and powerful Lord.

All right, enough of this.

All right, so everybody
wants to go on an adventure, right?

Well, let's go on a real adventure,
shall we?

Now that's more like it.

Game on. Let's hunt this Beast.

What?

You have got to teach me
the spell, John.

Yeah, well, it takes the bored
out of board game, doesn't it?

This is so incredibly realistic

- and I cannot wait to win...
- this entire game.

Well, I, for one, did not consent
to be magicked into a game.

Oh, come on. Would you really rather
play with Gary making sound effects?

Okay, I got to admit, John,
this is pretty impressive.

But why does it look like your house?

Well, the spell is linked
to the rules of the game,

but the rest of the gaps
are filled in by my imagination.

It's easy to make a place
I know so well.

Now, once we win and the game ends...

Poof!

...we'll all be back in the ship,
right as rain.

Hello?

Guys?

You all right in there?

All right, Gary,
they're counting on you to narrate.

Okay, everyone,

dinner is served.

Whew!

So, Detective,
could we figure out who this Beast is?

It's all about the first kill.

Once the Beast strikes,
there will be a clear line

from who's chosen to who's guilty.

I've already mapped out who it could be
based on who dies first.

Hey, John.

This chicken smells delicious.

But seriously, babe,
do you think he'd cater at the wedding?

- There's no wedding talk.
- What?

I do not know
what you're talking about, Detective,

because I am just
a heartbroken, sad widow.

You know I don't drink.

Yeah, but this isn't real, mate.

This may be your
one and only opportunity

to try a truly exquisite Bordeaux.

I'll have some.

- No, she won't.
- Yes, she will. It's not real.

Don't be jealous, Gare.

You're a vital part of this adventure.

Gideon, what's that?

I'm receiving a distress beacon
from an approaching vessel.

Who the hell's making that racket?
I'm trying to concentrate on my puzzles.

We're being hailed by someone
who's lost out in space.

Oh, my God, your hair.

It grew overnight.

Well, don't tuck it in. It's beautiful.

It's a sign
you're in your fourth quadmester.

It means the babies are healthy.

I recognize that ship.

Bishop the psycho might be on board
and those damn lizard people.

Gideon, blast.

I'm under Captains' orders
not to use any systems

not vital for our transport to Earth.

- Where are the captains?
- They're in my game.

Well, if the captains aren't here,
it makes me captain.

Well, I don't think
that's how that works.

The ship is maneuvering into
docking position on our starboard side.

Damn it. We missed our shot.

Docking complete.

I urge you to reserve judgment until
we know exactly who's behind that door.

Shut up!

Whatever comes through that door,
I'm killing.

Kayla!

Hey, dummies.

You miss me?

What is happening?

Ooh, it's time.
The Beast will choose its first victim.

Ooh!

- No.
- Dead.

What?

The dead have no voice. How poetic.

Well, that was pretty tame.

Oh, well, Behrad, see? It's all pretend.

I'm sorry, babe, but you're out.
You got to go.

I know.

I will miss you
and mourn you.

So we lost the detective.

She was the only one
who could figure this whole thing out.

And now, well, she's gone.

All right, y'all, the Beast had
their fun, and now it's our turn.

All right, take it easy, Spooner.

Games like these, it's up to the group

to deliberate on
who we think the Beast is.

And then it's up to all of us
to vote on someone to accuse.

- Well, I accuse you!
- No.

I think that you were so impressed
with Ava's methodology

that you wanted to eliminate
the competition right from the start.

Or it's you and you're quick
to accuse others

to deflect any suspicion.

Just pick me.
I'll gladly go hang with Ava

and be exempt from decisions like these.

No, no, no. I agree with Sara.

- I think it's...
- Nate.

- Thank you.
- What? Guys, besides Gary,

who has been very quiet, by the way,

I'm the only one who has any idea
how to play this game.

Yeah, not exactly, mate.

We'll be fine without you,
don't you worry.

All right, so do we vote on Nate?

- All in favor?
- Mmm-hmm.

I abstain.

Doesn't matter. We don't need him.

You have been accused!

He's dead.

No, no, trust me, he is fine.
All right? Nate is fine.

Dude, he literally just got
stabbed in the back. He's not fine.

Oh, that is awful. Is that supposed
to happen? It's really graphic.

John, what has changed?

Why is Nate's death
so different from Ava's?

Why are you asking me?

If you got a problem with the game,
you go talk to that geek, Gary.

He's the one who picked it.

I just made it into a proper experience.

John.

- Are you okay?
- Yeah, yeah.

No, he's becoming his character.

Consumptive doctor.

What if the longer the game goes on,
the more realistic it becomes?

And is anyone else starting
to feel more like their character?

I feel like shooting something,
but that's normal.

Yeah, I wouldn't be able to tell either.

Prima Donna...

I do feel extra dramatic
and quite squeamish.

What about you?
Are you hungry, Starving Artist?

Turns out seeing my best friend's
dead body is an appetite killer, so...

I'm gonna be sick.

All right, well, I am definitely feeling
the loss of my beloved Ava...

If we all are becoming
more like our characters

and Ava was the first one to die, then...

Ava!

No, no, no.

Ava!

Ava? No, no, no. This is wrong.

This is... Damn it, John!

This has gone too far.
I'm putting an end to this.

Look, I'm the...

Was Sara about to confess?

- No. She was gonna take out her card.
- That's it.

Everyone, show your card.

- Blank.
- Blank.

- Blank.
- Blank.

Blank.

Is hers blank as well?

No.

It's worse.

I don't think that putting a Band-Aid
on my wound makes us even.

I'm just trying to help.

Oh, now you care
about my well-being.

- I'll be fine.
- You don't look fine.

I mean, you always look fine.

We have a machine that can fix that.

I'm just here for my ship.

Well, your ship's not here.

Then where is it?

I reverse-tracked my pod detector
and it led me here.

That tech should have been on my ship.

But I guess you guys are thieves
as well as deserters.

So what did you do
with the rest of my ship, huh?

It's on Earth.

And funny enough,
we're traveling there now.

We can give you a lift.

But in the meantime,
let us patch that up, hmm?

What happened to her tentacle?

Zaguron stung her.

She had to amputate
to prevent the poison from spreading.

Poor Lefty.

Lefty? The tentacle has a name?

Sure it does.

Our tentacles are regenerative,

so they're part of us
but they're also their own creatures.

Kind of like starfish arms
or earthworms.

Uh, she wants to know what you're doing.

Starting up the meat printer.

She'll have a new Lefty in no time.

Oh, that's the time to destination.

Because we printed you a new tentacle.

The jump drive is broken.

Why do you think we're
traveling the old-fashioned way?

All fixed. Time to go back to your ship.

Or you could show me
where your mainframe is

and I'll fix your jump drive.

And then we can all get what we want
a hell of a lot quicker.

Deal?

Deal.

How did you get off the planet?

I thought you were dead.

- If I...
- If what?

You thought I was alive?

You didn't stick around
long enough to find out.

In fact, you bolted
the second you got onto my ship.

Yes, you're right.

I'm sorry.

Oh, wow.

An apology.

That sounded like that took some effort.

You know what else took some effort?

Battling my way through
a Zaguron-infested planet.

You know Zagurons are carrion creatures?

They will swarm a dying planet
and pick it to pieces like that.

They were relentless,

but I was stronger.

With some time, I finally got
Bishop's habitat airborne again.

Never imagined I'd run into you bozos.

As soon as I get my ship back,
I'll be a dozen galaxies away from here

and forget that any of you ever existed.

- Kayla, there's something I have to...
- Hey, Mick. Uh...

Can I please get your hand
over here with something?

What?

Don't tell Kayla
you're pregnant.

If she finds out, she may perform
the Necrian love grip.

What?

Males in my species
are subservient.

Of course they are.

If she finds that you're an
unfit parent, or she doesn't like you,

she could knock you out
and eat your eggy brains.

Please keep an eye on her and...

remember, do not trust her.

All right.

Hunt's on. One of you did this.

What are you gonna do, shoot us all
till one of us is the Beast?

How do you even know
one of us is the Beast?

What if it was Sara?

Then what killed her?

And if Sara was the Beast,
this game should be over.

What step are we even on anymore?

That's a Gary question, love.
The rules are all bloody rubbish to me.

Maybe you should have learned them
before trapping us in this nightmare.

You think I'm enjoying this, squire?

You know, if the Beast doesn't off me,
the bloody TB will.

But you know what? I'm the one that's
gonna get us all out of here, all right?

So, sit back.

Next.

Deadly nitrate.

In you go.

Pulverized whale bone.

Mmm.

And just a little booze
to make it all sing.

Bottoms up.

Ugh.

- John, are you okay?
- Yeah.

There you go.

I'm fine.

I guess the game won't allow us
to take a shortcut, so...

we just have to play.

- And win.
- And if we lose?

What do you mean "if we lose"?

There are two outcomes to this game.

And one, the humans win
by killing the Beast.

And the other,
the Beast kills all the humans

and the game keeps going.

Characters get redealt
and the game goes on and on and on.

You mean we could be
trapped in here forever.

Time to play offense.

If we're all becoming our characters,
then maybe I can use my powers

as a soothsayer
to figure out who the Beast is.

Everyone, circle up.

With my power as the oracle,
I demand to know.

Beast, where are you?

Speak through me.

I am here.

I am one of you.

I will win.

Your blood will smear the walls.

Your screams will fill the air.

Forever here,

forever mine.

Forever!

Oh, to hell with this!

I'm finding another way
out of this dumpster fire.

And if any of you all come after me,
I'll blow your head off.

Except you. I trust you.

Likewise. Let's go.

Wait.

Where are you going?

Splitting up is a cardinal
sin to survival.

And creativity!

Let's try this door.

Okay, so we're passing
the conservatory now.

- Into the dining room?
- This is exhausting.

All these doors circle back
into the house.

Ahem!

- What?
- I'm worried about Astra and Spooner.

- Yeah.
- I'm gonna bring them back here.

- Okay.
- Keep an eye on John.

Yeah, that's what I'm doing.

I mean, keep an eye on him
in a defensive way.

- Here.
- You can't be serious.

I'm a starving artist.
I'm nothing but serious.

He can barely walk. I'm more
of a danger to him than he is to me.

Just take it!

Hey. Hey.

It's all right. It's gonna be okay.

I'm sorry I got you into this, love.

Hey, you didn't know
this was gonna happen.

I'm gonna get you some water, okay?

Behrad? Is that you?

A kitchen. That's new.

Yes, we could try the back door.

Come on, come on!

You've got to be kidding me.

No, no, no.
This cannot be happening!

Screw this.

- What happened?
- Don't go in there.

Spooner and Astra...

Oh!

Where's John?

Spooner and Astra are dead.

I know it was you.

Nice tactic, sunshine.

But I lost track of you
just before the attack.

So did Zari. Didn't you, love?

I actually saw Behrad find them.

You saw him find them?
Or you saw him

after he found them,
maybe after he killed them?

All of this is your fault.

There you go again,
blaming the bloody magic.

I'm not blaming the bloody magic,
John.

I'm blaming you for abusing it.

You just had to go and show off
your fancy new Fountain powers...

Jealous, are we?

Well, add that
to your petulant brattiness...

Stop acting like children.

I think he's the Beast.

I've been coughing my bloody lungs up
for the last two hours.

How can you still think that
I'm the one that killed our friends?

I'm not saying how you did it.
I'm saying I know you did it.

Okay, so let's vote.

- I vote that it's you.
- And I vote it's you.

Don't make me choose between you.

All right. Do you know what?
I will do you both a favor.

I'm gonna go
and lock myself in the attic

because clearly I am some unhinged,
egotistical bloody maniac!

John, just...

Thanks.

Gideon, what's with
all the energy usage?

The device that Mr. Rory
refers to as the "meat printer"

is drawing a considerable
amount of power.

Lefty, no!

What are you printing?

Lefty.

Calm down, Lefty. Don't...

Gideon, is the ship ready to jump?

The jump drive
is fully operational, Mr. Rory.

But there is trouble.

Mr. Green is under attack
in the Med Bay.

Attack? By who?

Gotcha!

What are you doing?

Why are you doing this?

Because you left me.

And he got me out.

I owe him.

Him?

I'm pregnant.

Not the love grip!

I don't want to die in here.

Maman and Baba will never
know the truth about me.

About us.

If we get out of here,

- I'm coming clean with them.
- Oh, please.

Like you'd ever risk damaging
Maman's view of her...

Oh. Maybe I should tell her how your

magician boyfriend
got you to drink wine.

You would not.

You're right. I wouldn't.

But how can you not see
what John's doing here?

He told us himself,

he filled in the gaps of this illusion
with his own imagination.

I mean, this is some
new level of a bad trip.

What is your problem with him?

My problem is that he's being a jerk
and you're not seeing it.

Ever since he came back
from the Fountain,

he's been acting
like an asshat jock on steroids.

Oh, working out your issues
from high school much?

If by that you mean worrying
about your choice in men,

then yeah, I am.

We need to call him out.

He's the Beast. If we vote
to accuse him, we can end this.

- I can't.
- Why not?

I love him.

I've never heard you say that
about anybody before.

Well, I've never felt it.

I can be myself with him,

you know, no games,
no pretense.

He makes me happy.

Have you told him how you feel?

No. No, that feels...

very scary to be vulnerable to...

to another person like that.

I mean, can it even last, you know?

You know how John is.

Yeah, but...

You gotta take that leap.

Okay, now you like him again?

I never disliked him.

I love the guy, but something
is definitely off about him.

You can end the game.

You know how. You just can't do it.

You won't do it.

I've tried it.

By shooting back
some magic potion No. 9?

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

With every sip, you make
this prison and me stronger.

You're not in control
of the magic, John.

It's in control of you.

Just do me a favor, eh, and...

You kill me or piss off,

because I am done playing games.

No, you're not.

You love this world.

You love the power.

You love me.

Like hell I do.

Oh, don't look so surprised, John.

I've always been here.

You just never looked me
in the eye before.

You never wanted
to confront the part of you

that sabotaged all your relationships.

Doomed your lovers.

The game made that possible.

It made me possible.

Gave me a playground to sow
destruction before your very eyes.

Here I am.

Fueled by your new addiction

and loving every moment of it.

It's all tricks, lies.

I'll kill you, you bastard!

John.

Look at me, John.

Or more like look at yourself.

This is who you really are.

- Sara's the Beast.
- No, there was an actual Beast

who was none of us, somehow...

Bloody Gary. You know you can't give
him a lick of responsibility

without him buggering it all up.

Okay, well, let's play again.

- No!
- Why?

Do you really want to die again?

I'm not gonna die this time
because this time I'm gonna win.

Wait. You guys, are we home?

Oh, good,
because I am bloody knackered.

How long were we in that game?

What is that?

Ew.

Look.

I got it.

So someone
shut down the entire ship?

Yeah, and we have to do
a complete reboot

in order to get Gideon back online

so we can figure out
what the hell happened.

Where are Mick and Gary?

John, have you seen them?

No. No, I haven't.

No, that spell's left me
with the mother of all hangovers.

I'll see you guys later.

Hey, you want some company?

Oh, I'm just gonna chill
back at the house. I'll be all right.

Hmm. Well, then I will come over later
and bring you your favorite tea.

What's a busted up old codger like me
done to deserve a woman like you?

I don't know. Must be magic.

- I'll see you later.
- Bye.

Are you gonna tell him?

- Yeah.
- Good.

Look, Z, I'm sorry.

For everything I said before,
for pinning everything on John.

I went into overprotective brother mode.

Hey, I protect you.

Not the other way around, okay?

You don't worry about me.

Besides, have you ever met
someone I can't handle?

- Mom?
- Mmm.

I'd argue she can't handle me, but...

Speaking of Mom,
I'm gonna head back to 2044

- and visit her and Baba.
- Oh.

I think it's about time I let them know
what happened to this family heirloom.

You're gonna tell them the truth?

On second thought,

maybe I'll just take it easy
and enjoy Maman's cooking.

Yeah, that's a way better idea.

Mmm.

Come on.

Get rid of it. Get rid of him.

Ah. Gary, what are you doing?

Where are your glasses, bud?

- It's Mick.
- Dios mio!

He's alive.

And he has hair.

John, there's...

something I want to tell you.

Whoa.

Hey, there you are. Mick needs help.

Space girl, a punk rock treasure

Space girl, goodbye forever