Legends of Tomorrow (2016–…): Season 6, Episode 10 - Bad Blood - full transcript
With Constantine obsessed with getting his powers back, he convinces Spooner to join him on the quest to find the Fountain of Imperium. After they find themselves at the end of the Spanish Civil War, Spooner makes an unexpected bond with someone she feels the need to protect them from everyone, including Constantine. Now that they have a special guest on board the Waverider, Nate, Zari, Behrad, Gary and Astra all work together but experience some growing pains along the way. Meanwhile, Sara and Lita are concerned about Rory's health, so they try to convince him to take it seriously.
Is this your plan, old boy?
Force me to watch you
smack your lips together
like some sort of blond ape
until I tell you where I stashed
the map to the Fountain of Imperium?
It won't work.
I offered to be your partner once
and you locked me
in a ruddy chest with that witch.
That's right.
Mmm...
Ugh! You filthy, uncouth scoundrel!
Now you're gonna tell me
where the map is,
or I'm gonna desecrate your painting
with my bodily fluids.
- Just get this lump off my face!
- Okay.
I entrusted the map to a banker,
to hold on to
until my eventual resurrection.
All right then, partner.
What's this banker's name, eh?
Noelle, I presume.
Constantine.
Aren't you going to invite me in?
You're a vampire.
It's best you come in then.
Where is Aleister?
Don't worry about him.
From now on, you'll deal with me.
You have my two million pounds.
Two million quid?
Bloody hell.
How much interest
have you been charging, Vampy?
All right, calm down.
Don't get your knickers all in a knot.
See, I'm offering something
far more valuable than dosh, love.
A favor.
What could you possibly do for me?
Spare your immortal life, for one.
One word and sunshine
will turn you to ashes.
Clever.
Mmm. I'm John Constantine, love.
Clever doesn't even
begin to describe me.
Now hand over
what you were holding for Crowley
and you can be on your merry little way.
Go on, set it on the table.
Now that you've invited me in, mon cher,
I can come back any time I want.
I have magical rooms powerful enough
to keep out worse
than the likes of you, sweetheart.
Aleister's as well.
A little potion I procured for him.
One day, you might get a taste for it.
One day, you might be
positively gagging for the stuff.
Crowley, you sneaky wank.
Lullaby and good night
With roses bedight
With lilies overspread
Is Gussie's wee bed
Lay thee down now and rest
Let thy slumber be blessed
Lay thee down now and rest
Let thy slumber be blessed
Sleep tight, little buddy.
A superhero, a totem bearer
and an alien named Gary
become singing mannies.
Did I just invent our spin-off?
Are you recording because Sara
and Ava asked for constant updates?
They don't think we can survive
one weekend without them, do they?
Listen, I just want them to look
for their wedding venue
without dealing with these dummies.
Lullaby and...
No more singing.
I can't take it anymore.
That little snot's not crying
because it's tired.
It's got growing pains.
He does not look any bigger.
Well, he said the Gusarax
life cycle's only 38 rotations.
Uh, what does that mean?
Yeah, I can see
where this is going, New Zari.
Well, technically,
I'm the original Zari.
The OZ.
The one and only.
Yeah, I'm not translating for Gary
just because he lost his glasses.
And I'm definitely not helping y'all
parse Gus's every gurgle.
If I wanted to take care of a baby,
I would have stayed in Texas
and married the first jerk I kissed.
Yeah, she's really got
that new-girl-on-the-ship vibes.
Leeching human souls
wasn't quite enough for you,
was it, Master Crowley?
No, no, no, no.
- You were juicing.
- What a crass term.
I was reaching for new mystical heights,
aided by a rare cocktail of blood.
You absolute tosspot.
You know as well as I do
that magic this powerful,
it comes at a terrible, terrible price.
It's because of that potion
that you have the map.
In 1939, I took a rather large dose
and fell into a trance
where an extraterrestrial
dictated the map to me.
Pity he didn't speak English.
I might have discovered
where in the heavens
- the Fountain was hidden.
- Yes, the heavens.
You see, that's where
you were going wrong.
My alien mate, Gary,
he reckons
that the Fountain of Imperium
is somewhere here on Earth,
lost to history.
And this cut-out is the key.
Let's see.
It should fit exactly... Spain.
That's where the Fountain was in 1939.
Take me with you, John.
We're partners now, right?
Skip it.
I've got a new partner in mind.
You know, I have other skills
besides being an alien telepath.
Couldn't literally anyone else help you
with Rory's brood pooch instead?
Please? It'll just take a second.
Okay, amazing.
Um, I should warn you, though.
My dad hasn't really wrapped his head
around the whole pregnancy thing.
Men can't get pregnant.
Or didn't they
teach you that at college?
Dad, a-year-and-a-half ago
in my past, which is your future,
you ceased all contact.
Okay, if you really have Kayla's eggs
in your skull,
then maybe they'll give a clue
to what will happen.
Ever seen the movie Alien?
Yeah, I think we know what will happen.
Spooner, please,
just look at the protrusion.
Have a seat.
Ay, dios mío.
Oh, oh, oh...
What sordid scene have I interrupted?
Never mind. Don't care.
Spooner, join me for a shot
and a chinwag?
Good luck with that.
Long story short,
I have been stripped of my magic
in service of transforming you
back from a fork, I might add.
What do you want me to translate, John?
A map to the Fountain of Imperium,
which, according to my research,
is a wellspring of magic
gifted to humans by aliens long ago,
and last seen in Spain.
Oh. This is... This is cool.
"Only those whom are worthy
may drink from this Fountain."
It's typical prophecy malarkey.
I need a location.
Well, this main star here is Albacete.
- Albacete?
- Mmm-hmm.
That's a city in the southeast of Spain.
Well, seeing as
we're in Spain, February, 1939,
there's a few things
you ought to understand.
Now, first and foremost,
this country has just suffered
three years of a brutal
and bloody civil war.
Civil war! When were you planning
on telling me that?
I just did.
And a class war is more like it.
You see, on one side
you have the rich and the military
backed by Nazi Germany.
On the other side,
you have the trade unions
and the democratically elected
government of Spain.
And don't even get me started
on the devious little role
of the Catholic Church.
I'm Catholic, John.
Yeah, well, then you'll understand
my attitude towards priests.
I'd sooner rather break bread
with a bloody demon.
Okay, well,
nothing on here says "Fountain."
- What about El Gato?
- The cat?
No, no, no.
It's the code name for a leftist leader
that I've heard stories about.
Apparently, he survived
seven assassination attempts
and one actual crucifixion.
So? Maybe he was lucky.
Lucky? Nobody's that lucky.
That's magic.
My guess?
El Gato drank from the Fountain.
Yeah, well, if you want to find a man,
why don't we just ask
at the local watering hole?
Hmm.
The bar is closed to outsiders,
especially fascist spies.
Are you taking the mickey?
Do I look like a bloody fascist?
You look like a German.
- He has a point.
- No, he doesn't.
I'll have you know that I served
with the POUM militia at Jarama.
You were in the trenches of Jarama?
I was.
What did you grease your rifle with?
Oh, you mean the rusted antique
that they supplied me with?
Had to grease it with olive oil.
Water was in such short supply
that we had to shave with wine,
which is a bloody shame if you ask me
but the worst part was the lice.
- Those evil buggers, they were as...
- As big as boils.
As boils, yes.
Compadre.
Let us toast
to our fallen brothers in arms.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Gideon said John and Spooner
took the Jumpship to Spain.
So I thought, theme nights.
One slice of tortilla española
for the señorita.
Are you sure you should be drinking?
Yeah. Why?
Hey, I, for one, think it's really
cool that you're pregnant.
The next person that says "pregnant,"
I'm taking them with me
on a nose dive
outside the emergency hatch.
Hmm, wow. Real mature, Dad.
So what's your plan?
Are you just gonna pretend
this isn't happening?
That's exactly what I'm going to do.
I'm going to pretend Kayla didn't do
this ear stuff to me
without warning me first.
Well, you didn't give Mom a warning.
Niko and I didn't plan our baby,
but we're dealing with it.
Oh, guys, Gussie is aging rapidly.
He's like a teenager now.
- Okay.
- No, no, no. Uh...
A hormonal giant teenager.
Come on. Vámonos.
Pregnant people stay!
You're pregnant.
Amigos, the International Brigade
has already left.
Why are you still here?
We heard of a man who continues
to fight the fascist bastards.
He goes by the name of El Gato.
They say he can't be killed.
I also have heard of this man.
El Gato. Very mysterious.
- Do you know his secret?
- Mañana. Mañana.
It's late. I have to turn in.
Oh, come on, mate.
Indulge me, yeah?
My cousin told me El Gato
has drunk from a magical source.
What kind of source?
In the village over...
there's a donkey...
with great big, how do you say...
Udders.
Uh! Sí.
- Magical udders.
- Oh...
The milk makes El Gato impervious
to even a hail of bullets
- from the fascist scum.
- Well...
To the donkey.
Salud!
- Adiós. Magical donkey?
- Yeah, I don't know.
You don't hear a lot of crap
like that these days, do you?
Agreed.
And that man we were talking to,
- he was El Gato.
- Undoubtedly.
He probably came down from
the mountains to get some supplies.
Yeah. You clocked the old farmer?
Yeah.
Looks like he was guarding something.
- Perhaps his exit.
- The door to the cellar around back.
- And with the Fountain below. Yeah.
- Mmm-hmm.
Something alien is down here, all right.
And it's powerful.
Hey, hey, hey. It's all right.
It's okay. It's okay.
Ah, la torera.
- Yeah, yeah, it looks like you, love.
- Very funny, John.
What's your name, lad?
Fernando.
Fernando?
The alien power's coming from the kid.
He's mute,
but I can hear what he's thinking.
He must have drunk from the Fountain.
John.
Good evening.
My name is Capitán Noriega.
I have news from the front.
Madrid has fallen.
The Republic is done.
I've been sent
not just by General Franco...
but by the great Herr Hitler himself...
to hunt down a man known as El Gato.
You see, this man has drunk
from an occult relic
of immense interest to Herr Hitler,
the Fountain of Imperium.
Sounds like Herr Hitler
believes in fairytales.
You could say
my specialty is fairytales.
The Spear of Destiny.
The Loom of Fate.
I've studied them all.
Before the night is over,
I will know El Gato's secrets.
Hmm...
I don't know where this El Gato is,
but I have a lead on a magical donkey.
Search him.
Line everyone up and shoot them,
one by one, until he talks.
I'm the one you're looking for, eh.
Spooner. Spooner, no. Bollocks.
Oh, I know exactly who you are...
El Gato.
Fernando.
Gracias.
At last.
- Here is the key to the Fountain.
- No.
Search the rest of the tavern.
Arrest everyone.
Bollocks and bloody bollocks!
Come on, Johnny, think.
Think, think, think.
You can't leave her there.
That's it, Gus.
The gloves are coming off.
Watch out!
Gus-Gus has continued
to age at a rapid rate.
I'm afraid the Legends
are quite outmatched.
Should we do something?
They'll be fine.
What is it?
Nothing.
Is it your head?
- So?
- So what if this is it?
What if Kayla's eggs
burst out of that thing
on the back of your neck and kill you?
We need to get you to the MedBay now.
- Not gonna happen.
- Why the hell not?
Because I deserve it.
What are you talking about?
Dad...
what are you talking about?
Kayla didn't disappear.
I left her on a planet
full of lizard-people to die.
Oh...
Well, you must have had a reason, right?
To get back to you.
But in my line of work, there's a code,
you never leave your partner behind,
and I did.
Ooh!
I deserve everything
that's coming my way.
Oh, Dad, I'm going into labor.
- What?
- Yeah.
El Gato
has become quite chatty.
He tells me you're his nephew.
Fernando.
It's your turn to talk.
He can't, he's mute.
We'll see about that.
Tell me the location of the Fountain,
or I slash her throat.
Hmm?
Buongiorno.
Ciao, señores.
I am Father Constantine
and I have orders from the Vatican.
Mi scusi, mi scusi.
I have been sent
by several senior cardinals of Roma
to track down an ancient
and powerful relic.
The Fountain of Imperium?
You know of this relic?
Herr Hitler is also after the Fountain.
Eccellente.
Then we will work together.
I was just about to question the boy.
Please, Capitán, allow me.
Mick, what are you doing?
You gotta get Lita back in there.
She's having a baby!
Oh, baby!
I need to get her to the MedBay.
- Tarazi siblings.
- Activate.
Come and get it!
Gus.
Blast again! Blast!
Oh...
Gideon!
Okay. Dad, wait.
- I'm so sorry.
- For what?
I'm not actually in labor.
I just needed to get us to the MedBay
in case you were in labor.
But I might have misjudged a little bit.
So sorry.
You tricked me.
It's because she loves you, Mick.
- We all do.
- No, debatable.
Everyone out.
We'll see you at the next
doctor's appointment, okay?
Out.
I'm conducting a sacred ceremony
creating a telepathic gateway
between this child and this virgin.
Your methods are extraordinary.
Indeed. Grazie. Grazie.
Now...
where is the Fountain of Imperium?
One day, last year,
my mom left me with my uncle
to go to the front.
That night, the planes came.
Suddenly, everything was burning
and full of smoke and dust.
I'd never seen so much blood.
A bomb had exploded next to me.
So I ran as far and as fast as I could.
I hid in a cave.
and prayed for some way
to save my uncle.
He was next to me when the bomb blew up.
A beautiful angel appeared
and told me to drink from the Fountain,
and that's when I felt it,
the power.
I returned to my uncle
and healed his wounds.
Yes. Sì. Sì.
And he has been bringing his uncle
back to life ever since.
Where is this cave?
Some water, per favore.
Forget the water, the cave.
But, Captain, I am parched.
Grazie. Grazie.
And now, you can ask him...
I don't know.
I was lost for days.
Unacceptable.
You know, there is one thing
that I never understood about fascists.
What is it that you see in Herr Hitler?
Is it that...
...he's a pissant with one ball?
Viva la revolución!
Take Fernando.
Come on, let's go.
Spooner, let's move, the door.
- John, we have to go back.
- What?
- Are you mental? Why?
- The fascists will kill everyone.
You know what happened
in the Spanish Civil War, right?
The moral side, it didn't win.
Now, get the boy to lead us to the cave.
Oh, come on, I know you were
bloody lying, all right?
Yeah, well, I'm not helping you finish
your ridiculous, selfish quest.
Quest? This is real.
My connection to magic is lost.
Boo-hoo!
What's so bad about being normal?
You don't think that kid
would give just about anything
to have a normal life again?
I know I would.
Yeah, well, some people want
picket fences and ponies, don't they?
Oh, yeah. And what do you want?
You want me to stay here
and risk my life
so I can help you get your magic back?
Give me a reason.
You know where I'm from, being normal...
is being crushed
by the boot of capitalism
and then blaming it on anyone
with brown skin.
It's being told that only degenerates
can fancy men.
And women, it's your old man
coming home drunk every night
and beating you to a pulp
because that's what his old man
done to him.
But magic, Spooner,
the ability to break the rules,
to stick it to the rich
and the powerful,
that's who I am.
And I'm nothing without it, Spooner.
I'm nothing.
I can't believe I'm saying this.
All right, John.
You win.
The fountain's dried up.
He said that's where
the water came from
that the angel gave him.
This is just a bunch of bloody rocks.
- Bollocks!
- Ease up, John.
All right, all right, just...
Just give me a second, all right?
All right.
Now, here's what we do.
Now, I told the Captain
that I was forging a connection
between the two of you.
Now that connection is very,
very real.
Now, you can use it
to push Fernando's magic into me.
All you need is a clear intention.
Okay, wait. So you want me
to help steal Fernando's magic?
What happens to him?
No... This is a way
to protect Fernando, yeah?
It'll give him a normal life,
away from all the Nazis chasing him
and the alien powers.
Don't pretend for an instant
you care about Fernando.
Vete al diablo.
All right, okay, yes,
I am the wankiest of all wankers,
but do me a favor
while I go and check to see
that no one has followed us,
you talk to Fernando.
He can give his magic to me
or he can keep it.
Now, that's his choice, innit?
Hombres, mas rápido.
Rápido! Rápido!
They can't be far off.
- ¿Estás seguro?
- Sí. Sí.
- Anyone?
- No, No.
All clear.
Fernando wants to make a deal.
Smart play, kid. What's your price?
He gives you his powers,
you use them to help find his mom.
She was supposed to return
to the tavern.
I told him she's probably
not gonna come back,
but he doesn't want to believe me.
- Done.
- Okay...
John, I hope
you thought this through.
Look, he's made his choice.
Sit down, yeah? Good boy.
Right, what do I do?
Now all you need to do is focus
your alien connection on the boy,
and you focus quickly, yeah?
Yeah. I'm no wizard, John.
Oh, aren't you? So I haven't seen you
stop a giant sand worm
- with your mind, have I? Exactly.
- Mmm.
I can't.
Look...
magic, you know,
is all about connection.
All right?
Now I use words to focus my mind.
You know any quotes?
I mean, there's a stupid song
stuck in my head.
Yeah, that will do.
It's not about the words per se.
It's more about the intention.
Now, remember,
you're giving this kid an opportunity
that you never had,
the chance at a normal life.
All right, you can do this.
Lullaby and good night
Red roses bedight
With lilies overspread
Is Gussie's wee bed
Lay thee down now and rest
May thy slumber be blessed
Lay thee down now and rest
May thy slumber be blessed
Whoa, whoa! Where's it gone?
Where's it gone? I can feel it.
I can feel it. It was right here.
It was right...
You give it back, my bloody magic!
- Give me my magic.
- Stop, John.
The prophecy. The prophecy said...
Only the worthy
may drink from the Fountain.
You take the boy and hide.
What are you gonna do, John?
Only a bastard can vanquish a monster.
Go.
Bottoms up, Mr. Crowley.
Father Constantine.
Where is the Fountain?
I won't ask you again.
Dios mío.
John.
I'm relieved to announce
Mr. Rory is not in labor.
Okay, so what about
the pain in his head?
Perfectly normal,
considering 48 Necrian eggs
are rattling around Mr. Rory's skull.
Forty-eight?
Tough little guppies, aren't they?
Yeah, but they get that from you.
Their mom is gone.
I'm sure Kayla
would be really happy to know
you're taking care of her babies.
- She would?
- Yeah.
Because they need you to survive,
just like I do.
Ah! I found my glasses.
And Sara and Ava are back.
What did we miss?
Look at their itty bitty tentacles.
Oh, Micky.
Are those...
Mine.
John, what happened back there?
I saw you drink something.
Yeah, it's just a nifty little trick
to stop a Nazi numpty
from getting the better of us.
Don't worry, Texas,
I won't be drinking it again.
Truth be told,
it scared the living hell out of me.
Good. I mean, me, too.
Look, wait.
We don't know
what we'll find in there.
Fernando.
Tío.
Thank you.
No, Spoons, listen.
We failed, all right?
Spain is not gonna be safe
for Fernando, not for a long time.
And I was just as ineffectual
as my dear old granddad
at fighting bloody fascism.
That's not true.
You killed a lot of Franco soldiers.
Yeah, I did.
And I bet at least one of them
wasn't a bad bloke,
and, once again, my soul is damned.
Okay, you know,
for someone who hates church,
you sound an awful lot like a Catholic.
What, just because I'm, like,
full of guilt and self-loathing?
My mama used to say...
- Never mind.
- No...
What about your mama? Tell me.
She used to say...
Somos salvos solo por la fe.
We're saved by faith alone.
Ah...
It's funny.
I've forgotten her face,
but I can still remember
the sound of her voice.
We were both abducted
and only I returned.
I should have been more like Fernando
and refused to give up on her, but...
I lost faith.
Spoons...
you live on a Timeship.
It's never too late, love.
Listen.
The painting of Crowley's snoring.
Shh...
Wakey, wakey, Crowley.
John.
To have magic back, Spooner,
is worth it.
It's worth the risk.
Don't do it. I'll tell Zari.
No, you won't.
You'll go upstairs
and you'll sleep it off.
Tomorrow, you'll return to the Legends.
You'll tell them we were successful.
You'll tell them...
how I drank
from the Fountain of Imperium.
Yes, John.
My stars.
I take it you didn't find the Fountain.
Are you, uh... Are you juicing, John?
Joke's on you, dickweed.
Is that so?
Bonsoir, gentlemen.
You brought what I asked for?
You can take him. He's yours.
John, what have you done?
No. Please, John.
You don't know
who she'll trade my soul to.
What a lucrative trade it will be.
Get him out of my sight, will you?
Until next time.
No!
Damn you, John.
Remember,
all your trials and tribulations,
you only have yourself to blame.
Force me to watch you
smack your lips together
like some sort of blond ape
until I tell you where I stashed
the map to the Fountain of Imperium?
It won't work.
I offered to be your partner once
and you locked me
in a ruddy chest with that witch.
That's right.
Mmm...
Ugh! You filthy, uncouth scoundrel!
Now you're gonna tell me
where the map is,
or I'm gonna desecrate your painting
with my bodily fluids.
- Just get this lump off my face!
- Okay.
I entrusted the map to a banker,
to hold on to
until my eventual resurrection.
All right then, partner.
What's this banker's name, eh?
Noelle, I presume.
Constantine.
Aren't you going to invite me in?
You're a vampire.
It's best you come in then.
Where is Aleister?
Don't worry about him.
From now on, you'll deal with me.
You have my two million pounds.
Two million quid?
Bloody hell.
How much interest
have you been charging, Vampy?
All right, calm down.
Don't get your knickers all in a knot.
See, I'm offering something
far more valuable than dosh, love.
A favor.
What could you possibly do for me?
Spare your immortal life, for one.
One word and sunshine
will turn you to ashes.
Clever.
Mmm. I'm John Constantine, love.
Clever doesn't even
begin to describe me.
Now hand over
what you were holding for Crowley
and you can be on your merry little way.
Go on, set it on the table.
Now that you've invited me in, mon cher,
I can come back any time I want.
I have magical rooms powerful enough
to keep out worse
than the likes of you, sweetheart.
Aleister's as well.
A little potion I procured for him.
One day, you might get a taste for it.
One day, you might be
positively gagging for the stuff.
Crowley, you sneaky wank.
Lullaby and good night
With roses bedight
With lilies overspread
Is Gussie's wee bed
Lay thee down now and rest
Let thy slumber be blessed
Lay thee down now and rest
Let thy slumber be blessed
Sleep tight, little buddy.
A superhero, a totem bearer
and an alien named Gary
become singing mannies.
Did I just invent our spin-off?
Are you recording because Sara
and Ava asked for constant updates?
They don't think we can survive
one weekend without them, do they?
Listen, I just want them to look
for their wedding venue
without dealing with these dummies.
Lullaby and...
No more singing.
I can't take it anymore.
That little snot's not crying
because it's tired.
It's got growing pains.
He does not look any bigger.
Well, he said the Gusarax
life cycle's only 38 rotations.
Uh, what does that mean?
Yeah, I can see
where this is going, New Zari.
Well, technically,
I'm the original Zari.
The OZ.
The one and only.
Yeah, I'm not translating for Gary
just because he lost his glasses.
And I'm definitely not helping y'all
parse Gus's every gurgle.
If I wanted to take care of a baby,
I would have stayed in Texas
and married the first jerk I kissed.
Yeah, she's really got
that new-girl-on-the-ship vibes.
Leeching human souls
wasn't quite enough for you,
was it, Master Crowley?
No, no, no, no.
- You were juicing.
- What a crass term.
I was reaching for new mystical heights,
aided by a rare cocktail of blood.
You absolute tosspot.
You know as well as I do
that magic this powerful,
it comes at a terrible, terrible price.
It's because of that potion
that you have the map.
In 1939, I took a rather large dose
and fell into a trance
where an extraterrestrial
dictated the map to me.
Pity he didn't speak English.
I might have discovered
where in the heavens
- the Fountain was hidden.
- Yes, the heavens.
You see, that's where
you were going wrong.
My alien mate, Gary,
he reckons
that the Fountain of Imperium
is somewhere here on Earth,
lost to history.
And this cut-out is the key.
Let's see.
It should fit exactly... Spain.
That's where the Fountain was in 1939.
Take me with you, John.
We're partners now, right?
Skip it.
I've got a new partner in mind.
You know, I have other skills
besides being an alien telepath.
Couldn't literally anyone else help you
with Rory's brood pooch instead?
Please? It'll just take a second.
Okay, amazing.
Um, I should warn you, though.
My dad hasn't really wrapped his head
around the whole pregnancy thing.
Men can't get pregnant.
Or didn't they
teach you that at college?
Dad, a-year-and-a-half ago
in my past, which is your future,
you ceased all contact.
Okay, if you really have Kayla's eggs
in your skull,
then maybe they'll give a clue
to what will happen.
Ever seen the movie Alien?
Yeah, I think we know what will happen.
Spooner, please,
just look at the protrusion.
Have a seat.
Ay, dios mío.
Oh, oh, oh...
What sordid scene have I interrupted?
Never mind. Don't care.
Spooner, join me for a shot
and a chinwag?
Good luck with that.
Long story short,
I have been stripped of my magic
in service of transforming you
back from a fork, I might add.
What do you want me to translate, John?
A map to the Fountain of Imperium,
which, according to my research,
is a wellspring of magic
gifted to humans by aliens long ago,
and last seen in Spain.
Oh. This is... This is cool.
"Only those whom are worthy
may drink from this Fountain."
It's typical prophecy malarkey.
I need a location.
Well, this main star here is Albacete.
- Albacete?
- Mmm-hmm.
That's a city in the southeast of Spain.
Well, seeing as
we're in Spain, February, 1939,
there's a few things
you ought to understand.
Now, first and foremost,
this country has just suffered
three years of a brutal
and bloody civil war.
Civil war! When were you planning
on telling me that?
I just did.
And a class war is more like it.
You see, on one side
you have the rich and the military
backed by Nazi Germany.
On the other side,
you have the trade unions
and the democratically elected
government of Spain.
And don't even get me started
on the devious little role
of the Catholic Church.
I'm Catholic, John.
Yeah, well, then you'll understand
my attitude towards priests.
I'd sooner rather break bread
with a bloody demon.
Okay, well,
nothing on here says "Fountain."
- What about El Gato?
- The cat?
No, no, no.
It's the code name for a leftist leader
that I've heard stories about.
Apparently, he survived
seven assassination attempts
and one actual crucifixion.
So? Maybe he was lucky.
Lucky? Nobody's that lucky.
That's magic.
My guess?
El Gato drank from the Fountain.
Yeah, well, if you want to find a man,
why don't we just ask
at the local watering hole?
Hmm.
The bar is closed to outsiders,
especially fascist spies.
Are you taking the mickey?
Do I look like a bloody fascist?
You look like a German.
- He has a point.
- No, he doesn't.
I'll have you know that I served
with the POUM militia at Jarama.
You were in the trenches of Jarama?
I was.
What did you grease your rifle with?
Oh, you mean the rusted antique
that they supplied me with?
Had to grease it with olive oil.
Water was in such short supply
that we had to shave with wine,
which is a bloody shame if you ask me
but the worst part was the lice.
- Those evil buggers, they were as...
- As big as boils.
As boils, yes.
Compadre.
Let us toast
to our fallen brothers in arms.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Gideon said John and Spooner
took the Jumpship to Spain.
So I thought, theme nights.
One slice of tortilla española
for the señorita.
Are you sure you should be drinking?
Yeah. Why?
Hey, I, for one, think it's really
cool that you're pregnant.
The next person that says "pregnant,"
I'm taking them with me
on a nose dive
outside the emergency hatch.
Hmm, wow. Real mature, Dad.
So what's your plan?
Are you just gonna pretend
this isn't happening?
That's exactly what I'm going to do.
I'm going to pretend Kayla didn't do
this ear stuff to me
without warning me first.
Well, you didn't give Mom a warning.
Niko and I didn't plan our baby,
but we're dealing with it.
Oh, guys, Gussie is aging rapidly.
He's like a teenager now.
- Okay.
- No, no, no. Uh...
A hormonal giant teenager.
Come on. Vámonos.
Pregnant people stay!
You're pregnant.
Amigos, the International Brigade
has already left.
Why are you still here?
We heard of a man who continues
to fight the fascist bastards.
He goes by the name of El Gato.
They say he can't be killed.
I also have heard of this man.
El Gato. Very mysterious.
- Do you know his secret?
- Mañana. Mañana.
It's late. I have to turn in.
Oh, come on, mate.
Indulge me, yeah?
My cousin told me El Gato
has drunk from a magical source.
What kind of source?
In the village over...
there's a donkey...
with great big, how do you say...
Udders.
Uh! Sí.
- Magical udders.
- Oh...
The milk makes El Gato impervious
to even a hail of bullets
- from the fascist scum.
- Well...
To the donkey.
Salud!
- Adiós. Magical donkey?
- Yeah, I don't know.
You don't hear a lot of crap
like that these days, do you?
Agreed.
And that man we were talking to,
- he was El Gato.
- Undoubtedly.
He probably came down from
the mountains to get some supplies.
Yeah. You clocked the old farmer?
Yeah.
Looks like he was guarding something.
- Perhaps his exit.
- The door to the cellar around back.
- And with the Fountain below. Yeah.
- Mmm-hmm.
Something alien is down here, all right.
And it's powerful.
Hey, hey, hey. It's all right.
It's okay. It's okay.
Ah, la torera.
- Yeah, yeah, it looks like you, love.
- Very funny, John.
What's your name, lad?
Fernando.
Fernando?
The alien power's coming from the kid.
He's mute,
but I can hear what he's thinking.
He must have drunk from the Fountain.
John.
Good evening.
My name is Capitán Noriega.
I have news from the front.
Madrid has fallen.
The Republic is done.
I've been sent
not just by General Franco...
but by the great Herr Hitler himself...
to hunt down a man known as El Gato.
You see, this man has drunk
from an occult relic
of immense interest to Herr Hitler,
the Fountain of Imperium.
Sounds like Herr Hitler
believes in fairytales.
You could say
my specialty is fairytales.
The Spear of Destiny.
The Loom of Fate.
I've studied them all.
Before the night is over,
I will know El Gato's secrets.
Hmm...
I don't know where this El Gato is,
but I have a lead on a magical donkey.
Search him.
Line everyone up and shoot them,
one by one, until he talks.
I'm the one you're looking for, eh.
Spooner. Spooner, no. Bollocks.
Oh, I know exactly who you are...
El Gato.
Fernando.
Gracias.
At last.
- Here is the key to the Fountain.
- No.
Search the rest of the tavern.
Arrest everyone.
Bollocks and bloody bollocks!
Come on, Johnny, think.
Think, think, think.
You can't leave her there.
That's it, Gus.
The gloves are coming off.
Watch out!
Gus-Gus has continued
to age at a rapid rate.
I'm afraid the Legends
are quite outmatched.
Should we do something?
They'll be fine.
What is it?
Nothing.
Is it your head?
- So?
- So what if this is it?
What if Kayla's eggs
burst out of that thing
on the back of your neck and kill you?
We need to get you to the MedBay now.
- Not gonna happen.
- Why the hell not?
Because I deserve it.
What are you talking about?
Dad...
what are you talking about?
Kayla didn't disappear.
I left her on a planet
full of lizard-people to die.
Oh...
Well, you must have had a reason, right?
To get back to you.
But in my line of work, there's a code,
you never leave your partner behind,
and I did.
Ooh!
I deserve everything
that's coming my way.
Oh, Dad, I'm going into labor.
- What?
- Yeah.
El Gato
has become quite chatty.
He tells me you're his nephew.
Fernando.
It's your turn to talk.
He can't, he's mute.
We'll see about that.
Tell me the location of the Fountain,
or I slash her throat.
Hmm?
Buongiorno.
Ciao, señores.
I am Father Constantine
and I have orders from the Vatican.
Mi scusi, mi scusi.
I have been sent
by several senior cardinals of Roma
to track down an ancient
and powerful relic.
The Fountain of Imperium?
You know of this relic?
Herr Hitler is also after the Fountain.
Eccellente.
Then we will work together.
I was just about to question the boy.
Please, Capitán, allow me.
Mick, what are you doing?
You gotta get Lita back in there.
She's having a baby!
Oh, baby!
I need to get her to the MedBay.
- Tarazi siblings.
- Activate.
Come and get it!
Gus.
Blast again! Blast!
Oh...
Gideon!
Okay. Dad, wait.
- I'm so sorry.
- For what?
I'm not actually in labor.
I just needed to get us to the MedBay
in case you were in labor.
But I might have misjudged a little bit.
So sorry.
You tricked me.
It's because she loves you, Mick.
- We all do.
- No, debatable.
Everyone out.
We'll see you at the next
doctor's appointment, okay?
Out.
I'm conducting a sacred ceremony
creating a telepathic gateway
between this child and this virgin.
Your methods are extraordinary.
Indeed. Grazie. Grazie.
Now...
where is the Fountain of Imperium?
One day, last year,
my mom left me with my uncle
to go to the front.
That night, the planes came.
Suddenly, everything was burning
and full of smoke and dust.
I'd never seen so much blood.
A bomb had exploded next to me.
So I ran as far and as fast as I could.
I hid in a cave.
and prayed for some way
to save my uncle.
He was next to me when the bomb blew up.
A beautiful angel appeared
and told me to drink from the Fountain,
and that's when I felt it,
the power.
I returned to my uncle
and healed his wounds.
Yes. Sì. Sì.
And he has been bringing his uncle
back to life ever since.
Where is this cave?
Some water, per favore.
Forget the water, the cave.
But, Captain, I am parched.
Grazie. Grazie.
And now, you can ask him...
I don't know.
I was lost for days.
Unacceptable.
You know, there is one thing
that I never understood about fascists.
What is it that you see in Herr Hitler?
Is it that...
...he's a pissant with one ball?
Viva la revolución!
Take Fernando.
Come on, let's go.
Spooner, let's move, the door.
- John, we have to go back.
- What?
- Are you mental? Why?
- The fascists will kill everyone.
You know what happened
in the Spanish Civil War, right?
The moral side, it didn't win.
Now, get the boy to lead us to the cave.
Oh, come on, I know you were
bloody lying, all right?
Yeah, well, I'm not helping you finish
your ridiculous, selfish quest.
Quest? This is real.
My connection to magic is lost.
Boo-hoo!
What's so bad about being normal?
You don't think that kid
would give just about anything
to have a normal life again?
I know I would.
Yeah, well, some people want
picket fences and ponies, don't they?
Oh, yeah. And what do you want?
You want me to stay here
and risk my life
so I can help you get your magic back?
Give me a reason.
You know where I'm from, being normal...
is being crushed
by the boot of capitalism
and then blaming it on anyone
with brown skin.
It's being told that only degenerates
can fancy men.
And women, it's your old man
coming home drunk every night
and beating you to a pulp
because that's what his old man
done to him.
But magic, Spooner,
the ability to break the rules,
to stick it to the rich
and the powerful,
that's who I am.
And I'm nothing without it, Spooner.
I'm nothing.
I can't believe I'm saying this.
All right, John.
You win.
The fountain's dried up.
He said that's where
the water came from
that the angel gave him.
This is just a bunch of bloody rocks.
- Bollocks!
- Ease up, John.
All right, all right, just...
Just give me a second, all right?
All right.
Now, here's what we do.
Now, I told the Captain
that I was forging a connection
between the two of you.
Now that connection is very,
very real.
Now, you can use it
to push Fernando's magic into me.
All you need is a clear intention.
Okay, wait. So you want me
to help steal Fernando's magic?
What happens to him?
No... This is a way
to protect Fernando, yeah?
It'll give him a normal life,
away from all the Nazis chasing him
and the alien powers.
Don't pretend for an instant
you care about Fernando.
Vete al diablo.
All right, okay, yes,
I am the wankiest of all wankers,
but do me a favor
while I go and check to see
that no one has followed us,
you talk to Fernando.
He can give his magic to me
or he can keep it.
Now, that's his choice, innit?
Hombres, mas rápido.
Rápido! Rápido!
They can't be far off.
- ¿Estás seguro?
- Sí. Sí.
- Anyone?
- No, No.
All clear.
Fernando wants to make a deal.
Smart play, kid. What's your price?
He gives you his powers,
you use them to help find his mom.
She was supposed to return
to the tavern.
I told him she's probably
not gonna come back,
but he doesn't want to believe me.
- Done.
- Okay...
John, I hope
you thought this through.
Look, he's made his choice.
Sit down, yeah? Good boy.
Right, what do I do?
Now all you need to do is focus
your alien connection on the boy,
and you focus quickly, yeah?
Yeah. I'm no wizard, John.
Oh, aren't you? So I haven't seen you
stop a giant sand worm
- with your mind, have I? Exactly.
- Mmm.
I can't.
Look...
magic, you know,
is all about connection.
All right?
Now I use words to focus my mind.
You know any quotes?
I mean, there's a stupid song
stuck in my head.
Yeah, that will do.
It's not about the words per se.
It's more about the intention.
Now, remember,
you're giving this kid an opportunity
that you never had,
the chance at a normal life.
All right, you can do this.
Lullaby and good night
Red roses bedight
With lilies overspread
Is Gussie's wee bed
Lay thee down now and rest
May thy slumber be blessed
Lay thee down now and rest
May thy slumber be blessed
Whoa, whoa! Where's it gone?
Where's it gone? I can feel it.
I can feel it. It was right here.
It was right...
You give it back, my bloody magic!
- Give me my magic.
- Stop, John.
The prophecy. The prophecy said...
Only the worthy
may drink from the Fountain.
You take the boy and hide.
What are you gonna do, John?
Only a bastard can vanquish a monster.
Go.
Bottoms up, Mr. Crowley.
Father Constantine.
Where is the Fountain?
I won't ask you again.
Dios mío.
John.
I'm relieved to announce
Mr. Rory is not in labor.
Okay, so what about
the pain in his head?
Perfectly normal,
considering 48 Necrian eggs
are rattling around Mr. Rory's skull.
Forty-eight?
Tough little guppies, aren't they?
Yeah, but they get that from you.
Their mom is gone.
I'm sure Kayla
would be really happy to know
you're taking care of her babies.
- She would?
- Yeah.
Because they need you to survive,
just like I do.
Ah! I found my glasses.
And Sara and Ava are back.
What did we miss?
Look at their itty bitty tentacles.
Oh, Micky.
Are those...
Mine.
John, what happened back there?
I saw you drink something.
Yeah, it's just a nifty little trick
to stop a Nazi numpty
from getting the better of us.
Don't worry, Texas,
I won't be drinking it again.
Truth be told,
it scared the living hell out of me.
Good. I mean, me, too.
Look, wait.
We don't know
what we'll find in there.
Fernando.
Tío.
Thank you.
No, Spoons, listen.
We failed, all right?
Spain is not gonna be safe
for Fernando, not for a long time.
And I was just as ineffectual
as my dear old granddad
at fighting bloody fascism.
That's not true.
You killed a lot of Franco soldiers.
Yeah, I did.
And I bet at least one of them
wasn't a bad bloke,
and, once again, my soul is damned.
Okay, you know,
for someone who hates church,
you sound an awful lot like a Catholic.
What, just because I'm, like,
full of guilt and self-loathing?
My mama used to say...
- Never mind.
- No...
What about your mama? Tell me.
She used to say...
Somos salvos solo por la fe.
We're saved by faith alone.
Ah...
It's funny.
I've forgotten her face,
but I can still remember
the sound of her voice.
We were both abducted
and only I returned.
I should have been more like Fernando
and refused to give up on her, but...
I lost faith.
Spoons...
you live on a Timeship.
It's never too late, love.
Listen.
The painting of Crowley's snoring.
Shh...
Wakey, wakey, Crowley.
John.
To have magic back, Spooner,
is worth it.
It's worth the risk.
Don't do it. I'll tell Zari.
No, you won't.
You'll go upstairs
and you'll sleep it off.
Tomorrow, you'll return to the Legends.
You'll tell them we were successful.
You'll tell them...
how I drank
from the Fountain of Imperium.
Yes, John.
My stars.
I take it you didn't find the Fountain.
Are you, uh... Are you juicing, John?
Joke's on you, dickweed.
Is that so?
Bonsoir, gentlemen.
You brought what I asked for?
You can take him. He's yours.
John, what have you done?
No. Please, John.
You don't know
who she'll trade my soul to.
What a lucrative trade it will be.
Get him out of my sight, will you?
Until next time.
No!
Damn you, John.
Remember,
all your trials and tribulations,
you only have yourself to blame.