Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 6, Episode 9 - Beaver Joins a Record Club - full transcript

Starring...

and...

♪♪

Pretty neat, huh, Beav?

Yeah, I remember when
Wally used to play stuff like this.

I never liked it much then,

but now I think
they're terrific.

Yeah, I guess a
guy has to grow up

to appreciate good music.

Yeah.

Which one do you
want to hear next?



"Thump, Thump, Thump,
My Heart Is Marching."

"Theme from The
Three-Eyed Monster."

Boy, these are all great.
Where did your sister get them?

Oh, she joined one
of those record clubs,

and it only costs
her 87 cents a week.

How did she do that?

Well, she saw an
ad in a magazine.

You know, you see
them all the time.

All those records for
only 87 cents a week?

Yeah.

Look, here's one.

"Special offer...

Join now and receive
three extra records free."

"Each week we'll send you
free one of the top hit records



for only 87 cents."

Boy, what a deal.

I'm going to ask
my dad if I can join.

You think he'll let you?

I don't know.

Well, your dad
let your sister join.

Yeah, but she
made a deal with him.

She can't play any
records when he's home.

Hey, Beav, I
think this will work.

You know how our
parents are always going

for that educational stuff?

Well, maybe if you got

one of those classical
records every now and then,

he'd go for it.

Do they have classical stuff?

Oh, sure, they do. Look.

"Rachmaninoff, Concerto No. 2"

By the Harmonica Rascals.

Yeah, that ought to do it.

And it only costs 87 cents?

A week, and it's a
real good deal, Dad.

A lot of kids are joining.

I don't know about this, Beaver.

Well, gee, Mom, don't you
want me to appreciate music?

Well, I guess it's
all right, Beaver.

Here's a dollar
to get you started.

Thanks, Dad. Thanks a lot.

Yeah, there's just
one thing, Beaver.

It seems to me every
time I turn around lately,

you've been hitting
me up for some money.

That's right, Beaver.

Wasn't it yesterday that you
had to have a dollar and a quarter?

Well, but that was for a
notebook and a protractor.

And this morning at
breakfast, it was 50 cents.

Well, that was for gym socks.

I see.

Uh, Dad, now could I have $2?

What's this?

I need it for a
student activity card.

Beaver, why didn't you ask me

for all the money
at the same time?

I figured if I asked for
it a little bit at a time,

you wouldn't get so sore at me.

Yeah, I know how he feels, Dad.

I remember when I was his age
and I had to ask you for money.

Boy, it was murder.

Well, maybe it wasn't murder,

but it sure was a lot better
when you gave me a lump sum

and then I could work
out my own budget.

Yes, well, the way
things are piling up here,

maybe it would be better

if Beaver managed
his own finances.

That sounds like
quite an undertaking.

Yes, I think it is,

but frankly, I think it might
do Beaver a lot of good.

I'll tell you what.

After supper tonight,
you go upstairs

and figure out what
you spend each week.

Then we'll decide on
how much I'll give you.

Boy, Dad, this is
going to be neat.

I can carry a whole lot of
money around in my wallet.

Carry it around in your
wallet if you want to,

but you'll have to
learn to handle it

and budget it carefully

so that you don't run
out at the end of the week

or spend it all on
something foolish.

Boy, I never knew it was
so rough on a guy, being rich.

Well, can we be excused?

Sure, I guess so.

Ward, I think you
showed great restraint

not telling Beaver how you
used to have to get up early,

do all the chores on the farm,

walk to school, and not
get any allowance at all.

Oh, dear, I don't tell
that story anymore,

because the more I told
it, the more I'd realized

what a miserable
childhood I'd had.

Let's see, candy... 20 cents.

Movies, magazines, soda...

Boy, Wally, I started out

just wanting to
join the record club,

and all of the sudden,
I'm a big business man.

Tell me something, Beaver.
How come all of the sudden

you're so excited about
joining this record club?

Well, gee, it's neat
to listen to records,

and it's neat to
belong to a club.

And you get a membership card

with engraving and your
name on it and everything.

So what?

Well, if some guy
asks you who you are,

you can show him the card
and he'll know you're somebody.

Big deal.

It's not exactly like belonging
to the U.N. or something.

No, but it's not bad if
you're in the eighth grade.

Well, I got to add this up

and see how much allowance
I'm going to ask Dad for.

Let's see, record club... 87.

Movies, gym socks,
pencils... 60, 80.

That ought to do it.

Let me see what it comes to.

There's the total right there.

Wow, Beaver. Wow.

Wow.

You know, Dad,
that's a funny thing.

That's just what Wally said.

Well, that's what
anyone would say.

Whoever told you to make
up a ridiculous list like this?

Well, gee, Dad, you did.

Well, Beaver, you went
way overboard here.

I'd say you'd have to
cut this at least in half.

Okay, Dad.

Beaver, I didn't
mean that literally.

Don't you want
to go over the list

and take out certain items?

Oh, no, Dad,

I figure if I even got
half that much money,

I'd be better off
than I was before.

Be...

That's not the right
attitude at all, Beaver.

And allowance is supposed

to show a sense
of responsibility

and some concept
of the value of money.

We...

Maybe we better
forget the whole thing.

How are you making out in here?

Not so good.

Dad's yelling at me,

and he's trying to talk
me out of my allowance

and the record
club and everything.

Ward, I thought you said

everything was
going to work out fine.

It was until Beaver
put it down on paper.

Gee, Dad, I already
cut the list in half.

What do you want me
to do? Starve to death?

I just want to arrive
at a fair figure, Beaver.

Now, I'll tell you what.
You forget about that list.

I'll write an amount down here.

Now then,

you join the record club
and you budget the rest of it

for whatever else
you think you need.

Well, what's the matter?

Is there something
wrong with it?

Oh, no, sir.

Without my list, it's going
to take a lot of thinking

to spend this much money.

Who is it?

Cleaning, Mrs. Cleaver.

Oh, well, just a
minute. How much is it?

Uh-uh, the floor.

I'm sorry. It's 2.75.

Hi, Mr. Tyler.

Uh-uh, the floor, Beav.

Hi, Mom, did my records
come from the record company?

Not yet.

Beaver, do you have
your money on you?

I sure do, Mom.

And I didn't spend
one nickel at school.

Well, at lunch, I drank
water instead of milk.

Yes, Beaver, well, would
you mind paying Mr. Tyler

for the cleaning
out of your money?

You want me to pay
Mr. Tyler out of my money?

I'll pay you back.

It's $2.75.

When?

As soon as I finish here.

I'm waxing the floor.

How long will that be?

Beaver.

Mrs. Cleaver, why don't I
just hang your things out here

and I'll put it on the account?

Just a moment, Mr. Tyler.

Beaver, now, you pay
Mr. Tyler immediately.

Well, okay, Mom.

But I hope by the time
my records get here,

I'll have enough money
left over to pay for them.

- Hi, Beav.
- Hi, Wally.

Hey, what are you doing?

Waiting to see if my records
come in the second mail.

Hey, look, Beav, you only joined
the record club three days ago.

It's going to take time.

Yeah, I guess so.

Hey, look, I got a pile
of homework to do.

Would you mind taking this
book back to the library for me?

Okay.

Oh, it's a day late, so
the fine will be 2 cents.

Pay it for me, will you?

Why should I pay it for you?

Well, why not?

Big deal over two cents.

I might never get it back,

and it's more money
out of my allowance.

Boy, Beaver, what a cheapskate.

Okay, so I'm a cheapskate.

But I'm still not going to
pay the two cents for you.

Look, look, you
pay the two cents,

and while I'm doing my homework,

I'll listen for the
mailman, okay?

Okay, I guess that's
worth two cents.

Well, but if my records
come, don't open them.

Okay, okay.

Boy, you know, somebody
gives you a couple of bucks,

and all of a sudden you turn
into a regular Silas Marner.

Who's he?

Oh, he's a miser in that
book you're taking back.

Hey, why don't you
read it on the way over?

You might get some good
pointers on being a cheapskate.

Aw, cut it out, Wally.

Yes, Ward, Beaver
made a big fuss

over paying the
cleaning man for me.

He wanted his money
back in ten minutes.

And then Beaver
and Wally had a fight

over a two cent library fine.

Well, I did stress that he
should watch his money.

Well, think you better
have another talk with him

before he turns into
a little penny pincher.

No, I think we should
leave him alone.

This was part of my
agreement with him, you know.

I'm hoping that giving
him personal responsibility

will teach him the
value of money.

Well, maybe so.

I think we were
all a lot better off

when Beaver was
his old, careless self.

Package today, Mrs. Cleaver.

Oh, thank you.

There you are.

Thank you so much.

Beaver!

Yes, Mom?

There's a package here for you.

Oh, boy, Mom, it's from
the record company.

So I noticed. I thought maybe

you'd decided against spending
your money so recklessly.

Oh, no, Mom. I couldn't
pass up a neat deal like this.

You know what I
got for my 87 cents?

Couldn't guess.

Well, I got Billy Baxter's

"Crying and Sighing
and Dying for you,"

"My Wild Irish Geisha,"

and "You're Driving Me
Ape, You Big Gorilla."

Some bargain, huh, Mom?

Mmm, some bargain.

Hey, Wally, my records came.

Wait till you see what I got.

"With your next record,

"you will be eligible for
our special bonus album

for only $4.89."

"Chubby Chadwick celebrates

"the anniversary
of his first big hit,

"'The Surfboard Twist'

"by offering you
his latest album

for the amazingly
low price of 3.75."

"Buy five records and receive
our gold-plated record rack

for only 2.85."

"You, too, can build
your own hi-fi set."

Hey, Beav, where
are the records?

I don't know.

Maybe with all the
special bonuses,

they forgot to send them.

Here they are.

And all for only 87 cents.

Yeah, not bad.

Yeah, I'm going to play
the Billy Baxter one first.

♪♪

Hey, Beaver, listen to this.

"Attention, club member.

"Be sure to return
the attached card

"if you do not wish to receive

our special bonus
album as advertised."

Hey, Beaver, did you hear that?

Hear what? What
about that beat, Wally?

Look, they send you
stuff automatically

if you don't mail the cards back
telling them you don't want it.

Don't bother me,
Wally. I'm sailing.

Okay, but just
don't lose this card

or the record company will
keep sending you records.

Sure, sure, Wally.

More coffee, dear?

No, thanks, I better
get started at the office.

Bye.

Bye, honey.

Oh, say, Beaver, this
is your allowance day.

I almost forgot.

Already?

Gee, I even got money left over.

Well, good boy.
I'm proud of you.

Now, that proves that you're
able to live within your budget.

I seem to be a
little short of cash.

What's the matter, dear?

Unable to live
within your budget?

Well, only because a
certain attractive housewife

slipped up on hers

and I had to advance her
that 20 yesterday morning.

Oh.

That's okay, Dad.
You can pay me later.

All right, fine, Beaver.

I'll give you your
money tonight.

Oh, Dad, no hurry. I'm loaded.

Practically all I spent
was to join that record club.

You want to borrow
some money, Wally?

No, thanks.

Big tycoon.

Another package, Mrs. Cleaver.

Thank you.

Another package, Beaver.

Thank you very much.

Hey, Wally, what are you doing
messing around with my junk?

Never mind that, Beaver.

Hey, haven't you been
sending these cards back

to the record club?

No, I guess I haven't
got around to it.

Anyway, all the records
that have come so far

have been really neat.

Well, you better start
sending them back

before it builds up on you.

Listen, Wally, Dad said

I was old enough to
handle my own money,

and he didn't say anything
about you butting in.

Okay, Rockefeller, you
handle your own dough.

Hey, what's this here?

It says important.

Let's see.

I've been putting aside
87 cents a week so I...

$17.60?

Wally, I can't owe that much.

Oh, yeah, well I
got a hunch you can.

Hey, look,

how many of those
cards did you send back?

I think two,

but I might have lost
one before I could mail it.

Beaver, I told you

if you didn't send
the cards back,

they'd keep sending you stuff.

Yeah, but I didn't think they'd
send me $17 worth of stuff.

That's a gyp, Wally.

Yeah, you sure got
yourself in a mess this time.

Hey, Wally, don't tell Dad, huh?

He was so proud about the
way I was handling my money.

Well, I don't know, Beav.

At least, I didn't
have to explain

about how I spent
the money I had.

Yeah, but the bad part is

explaining about spending
the money you don't have.

Yeah, well, maybe I can
think of something to do.

Yeah, okay.

Well, I won't say
anything to Dad

as long as he doesn't ask me.

Thanks, Wally.

$17.60.

I don't even have anywhere
near that much money.

Yeah, I guess it's kind of
like they say in economics...

Your liabilities
exceed your assets.

Wally, I feel bad
enough already.

Don't make it any worse
by using those big words.

- Ward?
- Uh-huh?

You know another package
arrived for Beaver today?

Oh, some more of those
rock 'n' roll rhapsodies?

Mm-hmm, and with all the albums

and the record racks
and things arriving,

I'm afraid he must be
spending an awful lot of money.

Don't you think you ought
to say something to him?

Now, June, part of the
agreement we made

when we started his allowance
was that I wouldn't interfere

with the way he spent his money.

- But, Ward...
- Look, dear,

there's another
allowance coming up soon.

If he's got himself
into trouble,

why don't we just
postpone it till then?

Isn't that the kind of thing
you tell the boys not to do?

Well, you can't expect me

to follow everything
I tell the boys to do.

Oh, hello, Beaver. I
guess nobody's home.

I've got a registered letter
here that has to be signed for.

Okay, I'll tell my mom
when she gets home.

No, it's for you, Beaver.

For me?

Yeah.

Boy, once my brother
got a registered letter,

and the next thing, they
came and took his car away.

Sign right here, Beaver.

Mr. Theodore Cleaver.

Mr. Theodore Cleaver?

Golly, they called
my brother mister, too.

Thanks, Beaver.

"Dear Mr. Cleaver,

"The bills included along
with your weekly records

"have been ignored. We
are extremely disappointed

"that you have made no
effort to pay the $17.60

that is due on your account."

$17.60? Is that
what you owe, Beav?

Yeah.

Boy, how could
a kid ever work it

so he could owe a
big company like that

that much money?

It was kind of easy.

I didn't even know
I was doing it.

"We extended your credit
in good faith, Mr. Cleaver

and can't understand
why you were jeop..."

"Jeopardizing your credit."

Don't worry, Beav.

They just put that
in to scare you.

Yeah, well, it's
working all right.

"Unless we receive the
amount due within ten days,

"you leave us no alternative

but to turn the matter
over to our attorneys."

Boy, Beav, they sound
like they're real sore.

Yeah.

And they were so nice in the ad.

What are you going to tell
your dad when he gets home?

Search me.

Hey, you want to
come over to my house

and stay all night?

I don't know what to do.

But I couldn't stay overnight
at your house for ten days.

Beaver, here comes
your dad now. Let's run.

We can't do that.

Why not?

That's kid stuff.

We're supposed to be growing up.

Well, hi, boys.

- Hi, Mr. Cleaver.
- Hi, Dad.

Beaver, why don't you wait
awhile before you tell him?

Something could
happen in ten days

to get you out of this trouble.

No, Gilbert, a guy
would have to croak

to get out of this much trouble.

Oh, that's right.

This is the day for
your allowance, isn't it?

Yeah, Dad, that's I
wanted to talk to you about.

I don't think you should give
me my allowance anymore.

Well, why do you say that?

$17.60?

Well, Beaver, I knew you
were getting a lot of records,

but how did you
manage to get yourself

in a fix like this?

It was all my fault, Dad.

You see, I was supposed
to send these cards back,

but then I got all balled up.

I guess I'm just a dumb kid.

Well, Beaver, when
you're handling money,

it's awfully easy
to get in trouble.

If you knew that, why did
you give me an allowance?

So I'd get in trouble?

Of course not,

I gave you an allowance
so you could learn.

Gee, I wish you hadn't
let me learn $17 worth.

Well, this is your
responsibility, Beaver.

$17 is a lot of money
for a boy your age to owe.

What am I going to do, Dad?

They've got big lawyers
after me and everything.

Well, I don't know, Beaver.

A few years ago, I could've
wrapped the records up

and mailed them back
to the record company

and sent a letter saying

that they had been
dealing with a little boy

who didn't know
what he was doing,

but that's not true today.

They're dealing with a
responsible young man

who's in the eighth grade.

You mean, this is what I
get for being promoted?

Well, Beav, problems like this
do go along with growing up.

I'll say one thing though.

I'm glad when you do get
yourself in a spot like this

you can come to me with it.

Well, let's... Let's put
our heads together

and see what we
can figure out here.

Well, okay.

Well?

I was kind of waiting
for you to go first.

Oh.

All right, suppose I
write the company a letter

and tell them to
stop sending records

and promise that you'll...

That you'll send them
50% of your allowance

every week until
you get the bill paid.

But, gee, Dad, I'll hardly have

anything left over
for other stuff.

I guess you won't.

But that's always going
to happen, Beaver,

when you spend
more than you have.

Okay.

And thanks for putting your
head together for me, Dad.

I never knew a guy could
get into this much trouble

just liking music.

Hi, Beav.

Hi, Wally.

Hey, what's that?

It's from that record club

I've been paying off every week.

Oh, yeah? Maybe they're sore

because you haven't been
paying them fast enough.

No, I think I'm all paid up.

"Dear Mr. Cleaver,

"We thank you for
your promptness

"in bringing your
account up to date.

"Now that your account
has been paid in full,

"we are happy to reinstate you
as a member in our record club.

"Next week you will
receive your usual record

along with our special
bonus offer of an extra album."

Oh, brother.

Dad! Hey, Dad!

They're trying to
do it to me again!

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA