Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 6, Episode 8 - Bachelor at Large - full transcript

[Announcer] Starring...

and...

as...

Hey, Mom, guess what.
You'll never believe it.

Why don't you try me and see.

Well, it's Eddie Haskell.
Wasn't that something?

I didn't even believe
it when I heard it.

But, Beav...

Hey, Beav, you didn't
tell her yet, did you?

No, I was just
going to tell her.

Yeah, well, let me tell her.



Hey, Mom, you'll
never believe it.

Beaver just told me.
Now, what won't I believe?

It's Eddie Haskell.
He left home.

- Left home?
- Yeah.

He wasn't getting
along with his parents,

so he just moved right out

and got a room of his own.

At his age?

Yeah, he can
afford his own place.

He's got a job working after
school and on weekends.

Boy, Eddie Haskell.

Imagine somebody
ringing his doorbell

and saying they'd like to
speak to the man of the house.

Eddie would say,
"That's me." Boy.



I'm going to go call Lumpy.

And I'm going to
go along and listen.

- Hi, dear.
- Hi.

What are you looking
so thoughtful about?

The boys just told me
Eddie Haskell left home.

He's living by himself
in a rented room.

Well, that is quite a bombshell.

Just hope it doesn't
give Wally any ideas.

Well, you know the
historical precedent.

Virginia left first. Then the
rest of the colonies followed.

Oh, you're a big help.

Beaver, I don't understand

why you keep tearing all
the buttons off your clothes.

I thought you were beyond
that tree-climbing age.

Oh, I am, Mom.

Well, how do these
things happen?

Well, you know how it
is with big guys, Mom.

You're standing there talking.

Then you shove some guy,
and he shoves you back.

The next thing you know,
you're losing buttons.

Shoving has always been
harder on buttons than trees.

Well, Beaver, next time
you're shoving big guys around,

you try to be a little
more careful, will you?

- Here you go.
- Thanks, Mom.

Oh, June, I forgot to tell you.

I ran into Eddie Haskell's
father downtown today.

Oh, what did he have to say?

Well, he's very
disappointed in Eddie.

You mean Eddie's
moved back home?

Uh, Beaver, your mother
finished your sweater, didn't she?

Oh, yes, sir.

Well, there really
isn't much to it.

It seems that Eddie
and his parents

had some differences,
and, as Mr. Haskell says,

they seldom meet Eddie
head on if they can help it,

Eddie being such
a sensitive child.

Mr. Haskell said that?

Parents don't always
see their children

the way other people do.

Anyway, they figure this job
of Eddie's went to his head,

and they hope that if he's
out on his own for a while,

paying his own
grocery bills and rent,

that maybe he'll get
that all out of his system

and move back home again.

Well, I'm relieved to hear that.

I wonder if any parents

would let a boy
walk out just like that,

even if the boy is Eddie.

Well, they hope it'll be
a good lesson for him.

Ward, maybe you
should sound Wally out,

see what his reaction is.

Oh, now, look, dear,

the only thing on
Wally's mind right now

is finishing high school

and getting into college.

I hope so.

Ward, did boys leave home
and rent rooms of their own

when you were this age?

No, they ran away to sea

and came back as millionaires.

Hm.

Suppose it's too late
for you to try this, huh?

Yeah, I'm afraid so.

- Hey, Wally, dinner's ready.
- Oh, okay.

Oh, boy, I'm starved.

Lumpy's eating dinner
over here? How come?

- I was invited.
- You invited him?

What's the matter, Wally? You
owe him a free dinner or something?

Look, I'll pay you for the food

if it'll make you any happier.

Don't be such a
wise guy, wise guy.

Clarence, would you
like more potatoes?

Thanks, Mrs. Cleaver.

I'd like some, too,
if there's any left.

Thanks.

Um, well, boys,

what do you hear from your
friend Eddie Haskell these days?

Yes, has he moved back home yet?

Moved home?

Gee, Mom, why would he do that?

I don't know.

I just thought maybe
the novelty of living alone

had worn off.

Golly, no, he's having a ball.

Yeah, that guy's
really living it up.

The only time he's been back
home is to get clean sheets.

Have you boys seen
where he's living?

Not yet. Eddie says
he's been pretty busy

and hasn't had a chance
to have the guys over yet.

Boy, it must really be
neat to have your own place

and to be your own boss.

Yeah, Eddie says he's
even going to get a telephone.

Boy, wouldn't that be a blast?

You could talk all
night to your girl

without your
snoopy parents te...

This is very good pot
roast, Mrs. Cleaver.

Thank you, Clarence.

Well, I wonder if Eddie
is enjoying a meal like this

in his room tonight.

Oh, he's doing very
well, Mr. Cleaver.

He's been buying TV dinners.

Gee, does he have
his own television set?

Not yet.

He eats the TV dinners
and listens to the radio.

Well, he's quite the
gourmet, isn't he?

[doorbell rings]

Ah.

Oh, hello, Eddie. Come on in.

Thank you, Mr. Cleaver.

Good evening, Mrs. Cleaver.

Hello, Eddie.

Uh, I guess you folks know
that I'm living by myself now.

Yes, we did hear
something about that.

Yes, it's quite a responsibility

being the head of the household.

Trades people to
contend with, taxes.

Taxes?

Did you buy, Eddie,
or are you renting?

Oh, renting.

I meant taxes on
groceries and things.

Oh, yes. Yes, they
can be quite a problem.

Yes, sir.

Is Wallace around?
Yes, he's up in his room.

Clarence is up there
with him. Go on up.

Thank you, sir.

Oh, by the way, Mrs. Cleaver,

I found a quaint little bakery
over on Hudson Avenue.

You should try it some time.

Very reasonable.

Thank you, Eddie.

Maybe I will.

Ward, I just hope he
doesn't go up there

and fill Wally's head

with a whole
bunch of silly ideas.

Oh, now, June, I'm sure
Eddie is perfectly miserable

in that room.

Yes, but misery loves company.

Hi, men.

- [Lumpy] Hi, Eddie.
- [Wally] Hi, Eddie.

Just thought I'd drop by

and see what's doing
with the shut-ins.

Glad you did.

Must be kind of lonesome
sitting in that little room by yourself.

Lonesome?

What do you mean?

One of the reasons I came by

is to get away from the clan.

The clan? What clan?

The gang at the apartment.

I've been there almost a week,

and they beat a path
to my door every night.

Boy, that must be great.

No one telling you
when to go to bed.

No one telling
you when to get up.

Yeah, I should've made
the move ten years ago.

[chuckles] Eddie, ten years
ago you weren't old enough

to put your underwear
on right side out.

[laughs]

Don't be envious, Sam.

I've got this thing
made, and you know it.

Boy, Eddie, it must be
something being your own boss.

I've always been
my own boss, squirt.

Somebody throw a blanket
over the kid or something.

Hey, how about you
two lads popping by

some of these
evenings for dinner?

And sit by the radio
with a TV dinner?

I'm way past that.

I got a system.

I light the fire, and I put
some grease in a pan,

and I get a lot of smoke going.

Then from all over the apartment

the girls come running

to see who's going to cook
for poor little helpless Eddie.

No kidding?

You ought to see them fighting

to see who's going to
cook my dinner for me.

Boy, Eddie, how'd you work it

so you could move
out on your family?

There's nothing to it.

You just tell your father
you're going to live alone,

and then you walk out
before he starts bawling.

The only time your
dad will start bawling

is when you move back home.

Who left your cage open?

Gee, I don't think
my dad would bawl.

I think he'd slug me.

Well, whenever you
guys see the light,

you let me know.

I'll speak to Mrs. Evans.

Who's Mrs. Evans?

My landlady.

She'll give you a
break on the rent.

- Yeah?
- Well, only because of me.

She doesn't want to lose me.

Says the place has really
livened up since I moved in.

I'll see you guys.

Oh, Wally, about that
dinner at my place.

I'm free tomorrow
night, and it's Saturday.

You and Lump could
drop by for dinner

and spend the night.

Boy, that would be neat.

I don't know. I'll have
to ask my parents first.

Great. I'll see you guys.

♪ Come on-a my house ♪

♪ My house, a come on ♪

♪ I'm-a gonna give you candy ♪

Man.

Lumpy already called his dad,

and it's all right with
him for Saturday night.

Oh, I don't know, Wally.

Gee, Dad, it's just overnight,

and after all, Eddie's
my best friend.

Well, I guess there
wouldn't be any harm in it

if you fellows
behave yourselves.

Well, sure.

You can't blame the guy for
wanting to show his place off.

All right, Wally.

Thanks a lot, Dad.

Hey, Mom, it's all set.

What's all set?

Oh, just that Wally and Clarence

are going over to Eddie's
for dinner tomorrow night.

Over to Eddie's?

Oh, Ward, I don't know.

I don't like the idea of
Wally getting home too late.

Oh, he won't be getting
home too late, Mom.

Dad gave him permission
to stay overnight.

Oh.

Well, if you
think it's all right.

Now, look, dear, if you think
there's something wrong...

Oh, no, no, if you gave
him permission, then it's fine.

- Well, but it...
- [phone rings]

If that's Richard, tell him
it's page 62 in the civics book.

[rings]

Hello?

Oh, hello, Mr. Haskell. Uh...

Yes, Eddie was over
here this evening.

Yes, as a matter of fact,

he asked Wally and
some of the other boys

over for a dinner tomorrow night

and to spend the night.

Oh, I see.

Yes, yes, I can see your point.

Yeah... Well, I'll be
glad to cooperate...

Yeah.

Sure thing.

All right, good-bye.

Is Eddie's father
upset about something?

Yes, he is.

They feel that Eddie may be
weakening about coming home,

and they're afraid that if the
boys make a big fuss over him

or encourage him,

it might just aggravate
the whole problem.

They're right, Dad.

You know, it just might
aggravate the whole problem.

Beaver, your father and I
are discussing something.

Would you mind going upstairs?

Okay, Mom.

Boy, this is the
second time this week

you guys have chased
me out of the room.

Things are really
jumping around here.

Ward, we can't let Wally
spend the night with Eddie now,

knowing Mr. Haskell's attitude.

Yeah, I know.

The only thing I have to do

is find some graceful way

to withdraw my permission.

You know what would've
made all this a lot simpler?

What?

If Eddie had run away to
sea and become a millionaire.

What are you doing, Wally?

I'm looking for that gray sport coat
to wear to Eddie's tomorrow night.

I wouldn't look too
hard if I were you.

What do you mean by that?

Well, I just happen
to know something.

You don't know so much.

I know a lot more than
some people think I know.

That still isn't so much.

I know Dad's going
to come up here

and tell you you can't go
to Eddie's tomorrow night.

Look, Beaver, Dad
already said I could go.

When he says
something, he means it.

- Okay, okay.
- [knock on door]

- Hi, boys.
- Hi, Dad.

Hi, Dad.

Well, what are
you fellows up to?

Wally's just checking his jacket
to wear to Eddie's tomorrow night.

Oh, I'm glad you
brought that up, Beaver.

Wally, something's happened
that kind of changes things,

and, well, I don't want you
to go to Eddie's tomorrow.

Do you want me to put your
jacket back in the closet, Wally?

Gee, Dad, you
already said I could go.

Look, I'll explain it
all to you eventually,

but for right now,

can't you just go along
with me and call it off?

Sure. Sure, I can.

If I have to.

Yeah, well, thanks, Wally.

Hey, look, come on. You
said you know so much.

What's going on anyway?

Well, Dad got a telephone
call from Mr. Haskell,

and it's got something to
do with not messing Eddie up

any more than he's
messed up right now.

Did you break the
bad news to Wally?

Yeah, I don't think he
was very happy about it.

I couldn't tell him too much.

After all, Mr. Haskell
told me in confidence

about not encouraging Eddie.

What are you doing now?

Oh, I promised Mr. Haskell
I'd call Fred Rutherford

and get him to keep
Lumpy home, too.

Ward?

Aren't you getting terribly
involved in this thing?

Well, dear, if our
boy left home,

wouldn't we be thankful if
other parents got involved?

Mm.

[horn honks]

- Hi, Lump.
- Hey, Wally, what's up?

About a half an hour ago,

I'm sitting in my room
watching Captain Kangaroo,

and my pop walks in and
lowers the boom on me.

Well, maybe your pop doesn't
want you watching Captain Kangaroo.

No, it's not that.

It's just that he
started yelling at me

and telling me I couldn't
go to Eddie's tonight.

Oh, yeah. I can't go either.

- Yeah? What happened?
- I don't know.

I asked my father, and he
said he'd explain it to me later.

I asked my father,

and he asked me if I
was looking for a fat lip.

Hey, look, Eddie doesn't
have a phone over at his place,

so why don't you
drive over there now

and let him know
we're not coming.

No. My dad told me to
stay away from that Eddie,

and I've got to keep
him in a good humor

until that letter from the
highway patrol comes.

What did you do now?

They stopped me for driving
without a front license plate.

What happened
to your front plate?

I don't know. Must've fell off.

Yeah.

Look, I'll try to
get a hold of Eddie

and tell him we
can't make it tonight.

Okay. I better be going now.

[engine growling]

[tires screech]

[honks horn]

Boy, Dad, that Lumpy sure
is a neat driver, isn't he?

Yes, real neat.

Say, Dad, would it be okay if I went
over to Eddie's for a couple minutes?

What for, Wally?

He doesn't have a
phone over at his place,

and I want to let him know we're
not going to be able to make it tonight.

Oh. Yeah, I guess so.

Can I go, too, Dad?

What do you want
to go for, Beaver?

I want to see how Eddie's
living it up in his rented room.

Oh. Well, I guess
it would be all right,

but maybe Eddie
doesn't want to see you.

Oh, that never bothers me, Dad.

Come on, Wally.

Boy, Wally, this is kind
of a crummy neighborhood

for a ritzy guy like Eddie.

Yeah, I think this is it, Beav.

Let's see, here it is.

Yes, boys?

Uh, I was looking
for Eddie Haskell.

Oh, this is his
room, but he's not in.

I was just straightening up.

I never saw such a
housekeeper as he is.

Don't know when he'll be back.

Well, I just wanted to
see him about something.

I'm glad somebody
came to see him.

That is the loneliest
boy I ever saw in my life.

Lonely?

What about all the girls that
come rushing in to cook his dinner?

Girls? Oh, sonny,

the youngest roomer I
got here outside of Eddie

is Mr. Mannings, and he's 65.

At least that's what he tells
the Social Security Board.

That Eddie.

Last evening I came in
here with some fresh linen,

and do you know what
he was having for dinner?

A bowl of cornflakes
and a tin of sardines.

Now, isn't that something?

Yeah.

Well, we would've been
by to see the guy sooner,

but we thought that...

Yeah, we heard the
joint was jumping.

Oh, the joint's
jumping all right.

Two nights this week

I've come up here and
played cards with the boy.

Oh.

Well, I think we
better get going now.

Who should I tell him called?

Maybe you better
not say anything.

We'll come back and
see him some other time.

You do that.

Just a minute, boys.

I want to show you something.

You come here with me.

Hey, Wally, look.

Eddie's got a green sweatshirt.

Yes, and green shorts and
green T-shirt and green pants.

But they're all streaked.

He did his own washing,

and he put all the
clothes in together,

including a pair of green socks.

You're, uh, not
supposed to do that?

No, son, certain colors run.

And in this case, practically
everything he owns is a sickly green.

Well, boys, this is what
I wanted to show you.

Now, I have strict
orders against this,

but I don't think he
knows I know about it.

You just take a look.

- [whimpering]
- Hey, Wally, a dog.

Hi-ya, fellow.

This is Eddie's dog?

He went down to
the pound and got him

so he wouldn't be
so lonesome at night.

[Beaver] Golly.

Come on, take it easy, fellow.

He cries even louder at night.

And you know something, boys?

I've got a sneaking suspicion

that this dog isn't the only
one that feels like crying.

Yeah, well...

You ask me, the best
thing for everybody

would be for that boy to
move back with his family.

Yes, ma'am.

Well, we should really be going.

You sure you don't want
to leave a message for him?

No. No, thank you very much.

Well, good-bye.

[whimpers]

Uh-oh, here comes Eddie.

It's too late to duck.
He's already seen us.

- What do you say, Wally?
- Hi, Eddie.

Hey, creep, you got a visa to
come into my neighborhood?

[laughs]

We were just taking a shortcut.

Hey, look, Eddie...
Look, about tonight...

Oh, yeah, I just picked up
some extra goodies here.

Uh, just one thing, though,

the girls at my apartment house,

the ones who always
cook my dinner,

they went away for the
weekend skiing or something

Yeah, well...

So I told the butcher
to hold the roast beef.

I thought we could just have
hamburgers and potato chips,

you know, kind of a picnic.

My landlady said we could
use the barbecue out back.

No use dirtying up my place.

[laughs]

Look, Eddie, I'm not going
to be able to make it tonight.

- You mean, you aren't coming?
- No.

Oh, I get it.

Your mom and dad won't let you.

Yeah, that's right. My
mom and dad won't let me.

Tough, junior. Tough.

But Lumpy and
I will have a ball.

Well, Eddie, Lumpy
can't make it either.

Hey, Wally, what's
with the kid here?

Is he a comedian?

Beaver's right, Eddie.

Lumpy's father won't
let him come either.

Oh, so all of a sudden you
guys are against me, huh?

No, it's not
that, Eddie. It's...

Skip it. I'm not Oliver
Twist or somebody.

I've got lots of pals.

Maybe some time when
you kids get out of the nursery.

See you, children.

You know, Wally,

if Eddie wasn't such a wise guy,

I'd almost feel sorry for him.

You know something, Beav?

I feel sorry for him anyway.

Wally, when did you find out that
Eddie Haskell was moving back home?

Oh, today at school.

Just how did all
this come about?

Well, according
to Eddie's version...

Let's not hear Eddie's version.

Let's hear the truth.

Okay, Beav.

Anyway, Eddie's version was

that his folks came
crawling to him,

and on bended knees

begged him to come home.

And what really happened?

Well, I... I heard
that Mrs. Evans...

That's Eddie's landlady...

Called Mrs. Haskell

and told her how
Eddie was getting along

and said that she thought
Eddie would be much better off

if he moved back home,

so yesterday the
Haskells went down

and picked up Eddie and his dog.

I see.

But how did Mrs. Evans know how
to get in touch with Mrs. Haskell?

Well, I... I guess
somebody must've told her.

Wally?

Yeah, I guess so.

Wally, I think that was fine,

and I also think
that after all this,

Eddie may be a lot
happier with his folks.

You know, I'm even glad
it worked out this way.

You're glad?

Yeah, it must've been sad,

living in that old,
dark, beat-up room.

Beaver, I didn't
think you'd ever care

what happened to Eddie.

Well, mostly I was
thinking about the dog.

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
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