Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 6, Episode 7 - Tell It to Ella - full transcript

Starring...

and...

Ward, do you realize
that it's after 10:00?

I certainly do. When that
Beaver gets home, I'm going to...

All right, not so fast, youn-

Oh, it's you, Wally.

Golly, Dad, what did I do?

Nothing. We thought
you were Beaver.

Oh. Well, the way Dad
looks, I'm just as glad I'm not.

Your brother
went to the library,

it closes at 9:00, and he was
supposed to come right home.



He knows perfectly well he's not supposed
to stay out this late on a school night.

Well, there could be a
couple million reasons.

Wally, I'm not interested
in hearing any reasons,

either from you or from him.

Now, that boy's been told
time and time again that he...

Boy, Dad, you should've been
there with Mike and Kevin and me.

There was this whole house
getting moved down the street,

and there was these guys
with red lanterns and...

- Uh-uh, Beaver.
- And, Dad, there was
a police car...

- Uh-uh, Wally?
- Uh-uh.

Thanks, Wally.

That's okay.

Whatever I did, is it
something I did tonight,

or is it something you just
found out about tonight?



Beaver, you stayed out
until 10:00 on a school night.

Now, your last report card
was nothing to brag about.

But, Dad...

So from now on there will be no
leaving the house at all on school nights.

Do you understand?

- Yes, sir.
- Beaver, you brought this
on yourself.

Now, you better go on
upstairs and get some sleep.

Yes, Mom.

At least I can't get in
any trouble doing that.

Boy, it's a dirty gyp not leaving
the house on school nights.

I'll bet if the
house caught fire,

I'd just have to sit
up here and burn.

Look, Beav, will
you quit moaning?

A lot of guys can't go
out on school nights.

Mike and Kevin can.

Look, that's got
nothing to do with you.

Mom and Dad don't make up
these rules just to be making them up.

They're doing it
for your own good.

For my own good?

What are you doing, Wally,
practicing being a father or something?

Look, I went through the
same thing when I was your age.

Mom and Dad used to get
on me too if I didn't get in early.

Yeah. They had all that
practice being mean to you,

so when I came along,
they were practically experts.

You know what you have, Beav?

You have a persecution complex.

I do not. It's just that everybody's
all the time picking on me.

Look, Beav, why don't you
go in and get washed up, huh?

I don't want to wash. I want
to stay dirty and miserable.

Yeah? Well, you wait till you get
your own room before you do that.

You mean you got bawled out
when you got home last night?

It wasn't only last night. It lasted
clean to breakfast this morning.

Didn't your folks say anything
to you when you got home late?

No. All my dad said was hi.

And then he went back to
watching a horror picture on TV.

How come your parents made such
a big deal out of being just a little late?

Well, my dad says it
interferes with my schoolwork.

How can it interfere
with your schoolwork?

Well, when you get home late,
you don't get your homework done.

Anyway, that's what my dad says.

Hi, guys.

Beaver got jumped on for
getting home late last night.

No fooling? What'd
they do to you?

I can't leave the house
anymore on school nights.

Ah, don't worry.
In a couple of days,

your father'll forget about it.

No. He never forgets.

Didn't your folks yell at you
for getting home late last night?

No. My mother
and father were out.

Only my big sister was there.

Didn't she yell at you?

No. She was in the
kitchen curling her wig.

Well, gee, I never knew a guy
who had a sister who was bald.

She's not bald, she just doesn't
want to look like such a mess.

Boy, Kevin, you
sure got a neat family.

- Well, I'll see you guys.
- Yeah.

Hey, Mike, are you sure
your parents didn't yell at you?

No, Beav. Nobody said anything.

Boy, my parents sure have
it in for me, you know it?

Yeah.

Hello, Beaver.

Hi, Mom.

Beaver?

Is something wrong?

What could be wrong, Mom?

Hi, Mom.

Hello, Wally.

Is something wrong?

No. No, nothing's wrong.

Oh. You kind of look like
some of those girls at school

when they haven't got a
date lined up for the dance.

It's not quite that bad, Wally.

Do you think your father and I
are being too strict with Beaver?

You mean about not leaving
the house on school nights?

He just came home,
hardly said hello,

and went straight
up to his room.

You know, I remember

when you could square
everything with Beaver

just by buying
him a red balloon.

I'm afraid he's a little
too old for red balloons.

Wally?

Do you think we're
being fair with Beaver?

Gee, I don't know, Mom.

It's been a long time
since I was a kid,

but looking back, I guess most
of the time you were fair with me.

Even if I didn't know it.

Thank you, Wally.

Mom? I think the worst
thing you and Dad could do

would be soften up now.

Hi, Beav.

Hi.

Okay, when are you
gonna snap out of it, huh?

What's it to you?

Look, don't start treating me
like Dad, or I'll belt you one.

Hey, what's this?

Nothing.

Ticket to the jalopy races.
Hey, where'd you get it?

Mike and Kevin and I got
them down at the supermarket.

But I'll never be
able to use mine.

Why not?

'Cause it's on a school night

and I can't go out
on school nights.

But maybe if I ask Dad,
he'll let me go, huh, Wally?

Gee, I don't think so, Beav.

When I was a little kid,

I could always start
begging and crying.

Yeah, that's right.

Between the whining and the
blubbering, you really had it made.

Yeah. Well, maybe
I'll ask Dad anyway.

I'd sure like to go
to those jalopy races.

It'd be just my luck if they had a real
neat wreck or something and I wasn't there.

I'm sorry, Beaver, but I told you
you're not to go out on school nights,

and that's that.

But Dad, Mike and Kevin can.

I'm not concerned
with Michael and Kevin.

What they do is
strictly up to them.

What your mother and I
are concerned with is you.

And your schoolwork.

Yes, sir.

Well, Beaver, you
don't seem too happy.

I'm not supposed to be, Mom.

I'm a kid.

Is Beaver still upset?

Uh, I guess so.

He wanted to go
to the jalopy races,

but I told him I meant what
I said about school nights.

Well, I guess
what's bothering him

is that Kevin and Michael
have so much freedom.

It's what's bothering half
the parents in America, too,

that their children's friends
have so much freedom.

Ward, maybe we could try to...

Good afternoon,
Mr. Cleaver, Mrs. Cleaver.

- Hi, Eddie.
- Hello, Eddie.

Is Wally at home?

No. He went to the store for me.

But he'll be back right away.

Oh. Would it be
all right with you

if I waited up in his room?

Oh, yes, yes. Beaver's up there.

Oh. Then the little
fellow didn't go with Wally.

No. He's being punished.

Oh. Well, are you sure it's
all right if he has visitors?

Yes. Yes, he's
permitted visitors.

Thank you, sir.

Ward, don't you think
Beaver's being punished enough

without siccing Eddie on him?

Would you rather he
waited down here with us?

Oh, I guess not.

Hi, Beaver.

Hi, Eddie.

What you doing?

Reading or just
looking at the pictures?

I have to find a
current event for school.

Hey, I hear they got you
in solitary confinement.

What'd you do, spill
jam on your bib again?

No. I stayed out late, so I'm
not allowed out on school nights.

Hey, that's rough.

If that ever happened to me,

eight or nine girls
would kill themselves.

Cut the jokes,
Eddie. It's not funny.

All my friends can
go out and I can't.

Well, I feel for you, kid.

I used to get pushed
around plenty too.

Why don't you take it
to a higher authority?

Like who, the Supreme Court?

No. Look, I was going
with this girl once,

and her parents started squawking
about her wearing makeup.

She wrote a letter to that "Tell It
To Ella" column in the newspaper.

Ella took her side. Now
she's allowed to wear makeup.

No fooling?

Gee, my parents
read her column a lot.

Do you think I
ought to write to her

about not being allowed
out on school nights?

Well, sure.

When she bawls your
parents out in the paper,

they'll start
treating you right.

Gee, I don't know.

Here, let me show you.

Here.

"Dear Ella, I am 12 years old and
have a chance to earn some extra money

"by cutting lawns on Saturday.

"But my mother says she thinks that's
the day I should help around the house.

"What do you think?"
Signed, Confused.

What does she say?

"Dear Confused, ask
your mother to compromise

"by allowing you to put in
equal time in your own yard

"and cutting lawns for others."

See? She's not on
the side of the mother.

She's on the side
of the downtrodden.

Yeah. What about that one?

"Dear Ella, every time I have
an argument with my parents,

"I run upstairs and
lock myself in the room.

"This makes them even madder.

"What do you think I should
do?" Signed, 14-year-old.

What's her answer?

"Dear 14-year-old, grow up."

Ah, she's got to be a
wise guy once in a while.

Yeah, but what'll
I write to her?

Get a pencil and take this down.

Dear Ella,

while all the other
kids have their freedom,

my parents keep me
locked up in my room.

Eddie.

I don't mind the
big bolt on the door,

or the barb wire on the window.

Eddie, you can't
send in stuff like this.

Why not?

You gotta come on strong
if you want any action.

Well, thanks for
the idea, Eddie,

but I think I'll
write my own letter.

Okay, kid.

But don't forget,

I'm with you a hundred percent

in this battle with the enemy.

"Dear Ella, on school nights,
my parents won't let me go out.

"They say it makes
my schoolwork suffer.

"But all my friends can
go out on school nights.

"I think they're being
unfair. What do you think?"

Boy, Beaver, this is the
neatest idea I've ever heard of.

Yeah, and when she bawls out your
parents in front of the whole world,

you've got 'em.

Yeah. Now I've got to think
of some name to sign it with.

Sign it Beaver.

Don't be goofy.

You don't sign it with some
name your parents could recognize.

You gotta sign like
the other guys do.

You know, Anxious, Confused,
something that has to do with your problem.

Solitary Confinement?

Iron Curtain?

I know. I'll just
sign it Prisoner.

Yeah, Prisoner.

That's the say they did it in
that neat comic book story,

The Count of Monte Cristo.

Yeah.

Can I be excused, Mom?

You didn't finish your eggs.

Well, my stomach doesn't
feel like eggs this morning.

Can I be excused please, Mom?

Go ahead.

What's the matter with that boy?

He's been rushing
away from the table

and not acting himself all week.

Maybe he's got a girl.

What makes you think so, Wally?

Well, when a guy
starts acting weird,

a girl's the first
thing you look for.

Hey, Beav. You ready to leave?

Hi, you guys. You going to
school already? It's way too early.

We know it, but we thought we'd
mess around on the playground a while.

Well, okay. Wait a second.

I want to see if Ella
answered my letter.

Well, I wrote her a long
time ago, almost a week,

and it still hasn't
been in here.

I'll bet she makes
that stuff up.

Yeah, she probably thinks up a
good answer, then writes the question.

Yeah.

Hey, it's here.
She did answer it.

- Come on, let's hear it.
- What'd she say?

"Dear Prisoner, I
agree with your parents.

"If your schoolwork is suffering,
stay home on school nights

"and just see your
friends on the weekends."

She double-crossed you, Beav.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

That's what I get for listening
to that dumb old Eddie Haskell.

Boy, you better duck this
before your parents see it.

Yeah. This backs up
everything they told me.

If they saw this, I'd practically
have to be a married man

before I could go out of
the house on school nights.

Yeah, I guess you
better ditch it, Beav.

How 'bout in back of that
planter by the front door?

Yeah.

Thank you, Beaver.

Good morning, boys.

Good morning, Mr. Cleaver.

We'll see you at school, Beav.

Well, so long.
Thanks a lot, Mom.

- Bye, Wally.
- Bye, Wally.

Hey, who's chasing you?

Nobody's chasing me.

Can I have some more toast, Mom?

Thought you said
you were through.

Yeah, but all of a
sudden, I got real hungry.

Are you through
with the paper, Dad?

I just got the paper, Beaver.

Here. You can have
the comics if you want.

Thanks.

- Dad?
- Mm-hmm.

Can I have another
part of the paper?

You haven't read
the funnies yet.

Yeah, but lately I don't care
much about reading the funnies.

- Oh?
- Yeah.

Since I've been getting older,

I want to read about the bad
stuff that's going on in the world.

You know, like you and Mom.

I see.

Well, here. Take this part.

It's loaded with bad stuff.

Thanks, Dad.

Well, the rest of this bad
stuff's gonna have to wait.

I have to get going.

See you later, dear.

- Bye, honey.
- Bye, Beav.

So long, Dad.

Have a good day.

Beaver, you want jelly or
marmalade on your toast?

No thanks, Mom.

No thanks what?

No thanks. No toast.

I didn't know it was so late.

But you said you were hungry.

Yeah. Well, I guess I could
eat it on the way to school.

Oh, Mom, is it okay if I
take this part of this paper

to school for current events?

I guess so.

I didn't think you had
current events until Friday.

Oh, that's okay, Mom. I'll pick
one that won't go stale by then.

So long, Mom.

Bye, Beaver.

Hey, you ratty guys.

Hi, Beav.

What's the idea of running out
on me when my father came out?

Hey, look, Kev. The
guy's all in one piece.

We didn't want to stick around
and see you get clobbered.

Nobody got clobbered.

I bet your dad was plenty sore

when he saw that
"Tell It To Ella" column.

He didn't even see it.

Oh, don't give us that,
Beav. We were there

when he took the paper from you.

Yeah, I know, but I was able
to sneak it out of the house

before either he
or my mom saw it.

Hey, you really did it.

Hey, Beav, you're pretty sneaky.

Maybe you could even be a
private eye when you grow up.

No. I'd feel funny getting
paid for being sneaky.

Yeah, I'll bet you would.

Well, you boys are
certainly quiet tonight.

Didn't anything interesting
happen at school today?

Oh, yeah. Eddie Haskell
got kicked out of gym class.

We were having a rope climb, and
Eddie tied his rope into a hangman's noose.

I don't think that's very funny.

Yeah, neither does the coach.

He told Eddie that
one more stunt like that

and he was gonna drop him
from the handball tournament.

I didn't know Eddie
played handball.

Yeah. That's the only
thing he's any good at.

He's trying to get the school
to declare it a major sport.

Nobody plays handball
much at our school.

They ran out of those
gloves with no fingers.

You know, speaking of school,
I ran across an interesting item

at the barber shop today.

It was in that newspaper column,

"Tell It To Ella."

Oh, I like her. What
did she have to say?

Uh, "Dear Ella,

"on school nights, my
parents won't let me go out.

"They say it makes
my schoolwork suffer.

"But all my friends can
go out on school nights.

"I think they're being
unfair. What do you think?"

It's signed Prisoner.

Boy, that hits close to home.

Yes. I thought it
was rather close.

What is Ella's answer?

"Dear Prisoner, I
agree with your parents.

"If your schoolwork
is suffering,

"you should stay
home on school nights

"and just see your
friends on weekends."

That... That is very close to
your problem, isn't it, Beaver?

Yeah, Dad. Too close.

From that letter,

I'd say we're not the
only mean old parents

who make their children
stay home on school nights.

I'll get it.

Boy, Beaver, what a
rat you turned out to be.

Yeah, you really fixed us good.

Huh?

My mom saw your letter in
the "Tell It To Ella" column.

And now she's gonna make
me stay home on school nights.

I won't be able to go to
the jalopy races and stuff.

Yeah, and that goes for me too.

Because Mike's mom told my mom.

All on account of you
writing that dumb letter.

But Mike, you guys
thought it was a great idea.

Listen, just because I went
along with a crummy idea

doesn't mean I had to like it.

Boy. I should have never
written that dumb letter.

On account of you, we probably
won't be allowed out on weeknights

till we're old men.

Dear Prisoner, I
hope you get life.

Did you have company?

No. Well, just Mike and Kevin.

Beaver, you know your friends
shouldn't come around right at dinnertime.

I don't think my friends'll be coming
around much more anytime, Dad.

Dad, Mom?

Yes, Beaver?

I guess I ought to
tell you something.

I'm the prisoner.

What's this?

In the "Tell It To Ella" column.
I'm the guy who wrote that letter

and signed it Prisoner.

Hey, no kidding, Beav?
You mean you wrote that?

Boy, you've really got nerve.

Yeah, well, I thought I did.

But I found out something, Dad.

Yes, Beaver?

I'm never going to outsiders

for advice again.

No matter who tells me.

Oh?

Yeah. They only give you

the same stuff you get at home.

And it can get you in
trouble with all your friends.

Beaver, why did
you write to Dear Ella

instead of talking
it over with us?

Well, 'cause I thought
the punishment was unfair.

And I guess I wanted to
prove that Dad was wrong.

But it didn't turn out
that way, huh, Beaver?

Boy, I'll say it didn't.

I'll never try that again, Dad.

Well, I'm glad to
hear that, Beaver.

Because a lot of
people go all through life

trying to prove that the
things that are good for them

are wrong.

Hey, tell me something, Beaver.

Where did you get
this goofy idea anyway?

It doesn't sound like you.

Well, I guess Eddie
Haskell sort of told me.

You mean you listened to Eddie?

I couldn't really help it.

That Eddie can always
make stupid stuff sound smart.

Well, I guess
everyone's gone to bed.

Well, thanks for taking
me to the game, Dad.

It was really neat.

I'm glad you enjoyed it, Beaver.

We'll do it again sometime.

But right now, you
better get on up to bed.

It's practically Sunday morning.

And thanks for letting me
stay out so late tonight, Dad.

I couldn't have had more fun

even if it had been
a school night.

Okay. Good night, Beav.

Good night, Dad.

Is that you, Beav?

Yeah.

How was the game?

Terrific. We beat them
in the last quarter, 24-20.

Boy, sure wish I
could've seen it.

But I had a date.

Yeah. I'm sure glad I worked it

so I could go.

You worked it?

Yeah. I happened
to see something

in that "Tell It To Ella" column

where it said fathers and
sons should pal around.

You know, do things together
and go places and stuff.

So I snuck a copy into the den

and put it on Dad's desk
so he'd be sure and see it.

Yeah, that's what
Dad told me you did.

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
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