Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 6, Episode 4 - The Late Edition - full transcript

Starring...

and...

Mom! Hey, Mom!

Beaver, what's the matter?
You sound all excited.

Well, I am. I just figured out
what my life work's going to be.

Oh, well, could you close
the door before you tell me?

Well, sure, Mom.

I'm going to be a newspaper man,

and then I'm going to be
a foreign correspondent,

and I'm going to
take pictures of wars

and enlighten the
world and everything.



Well, that's a far cry

from wanting to be
a jalopy race driver.

I'm not kidding.

We heard this neat guy
speaking at assembly,

and he's a reporter.

And he talked like a real guy,

not just like some
guy speaking to kids.

I see.

Aren't you a little young to
be a foreign correspondent?

Well, sure, I know that.

The guy says you
can't start out too early

in the newspaper business.

This guy had a paper route
when he was younger than I am,

and now he gets to
meet important people



and he has a police radar
on his car and everything.

Well, Beaver, you know,
you did have a paper route.

You gave it up.

I know, but gee, when
you're in the fifth grade

you don't think much
about enlightening the world

and all that junk. So long, Mom.

Beaver, where are you going?

Well, down to the
newspaper office.

I heard in school that some
kid gave up his paper route,

and I want to be the first
guy down there to get the job.

Beaver?

Well, I'll be home
for supper, Mom.

And make sure you tell Dad

what I'm going
to do with my life.

- Hi, dear.
- Hi.

Uh, when will dinner be ready?

As soon as Beaver gets home.

- Hi, Dad.
- Hi.

Hey, when will
dinner be ready, Mom?

As soon as Beaver gets home.

Isn't he back yet?

Back from where?

Oh, the kid who
had our paper route

went away to boarding school,

and Beaver went down to
see if he could grab the job.

Well, he didn't waste any time.

Nah, he wanted to grab it

before the kid flunked
out and was sent home.

I hope Beaver gets the
job. He was so excited.

Yeah.

Hello, Beaver.

Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.

He didn't get it.

I'll say I didn't get it.

They gave the job

to some new kid who
moved into the neighborhood.

Well, maybe he got there first.

I'll say he did.

He got excused from
the last period in gym

'cause he gave the
coach some big deal

about his feet hurting.

And then he ran all
the way down there.

Well, that's the breaks, Beav.

Well, see, if you'd have
thought up that idea

about having sore feet,
you would've had the job.

No, I wouldn't. I
wouldn't have cheated.

Boy, some way I'm going to
get that job away from that kid.

Now, just a minute, Beaver.

I don't want you to start
using any of his tactics.

But Dad always said
you should never give up.

Well, but Beaver, you also
have to use good judgment.

Yeah, well, I've been thinking
of some good judgment to use.

Like a punch in the nose.

Beaver, eat your breakfast.

No, thanks, Mom.

I don't feel like
eating anything.

Come on, Beaver. You've
got to eat something.

If you don't, your
stomach will be empty

and it'll start making
those sounds at school

and you'll be sent
out of the room again.

Eat up, Beaver. If you don't,

you'll never be
another Mickey Mantle.

But if I was Mickey Mantle,

I wouldn't be worried
about a paper route.

I'd just be worried
about how to spend

all the money I was making.

Beaver, why are you so
anxious to get this job?

Well, for one thing,

with the money I
was going to make,

I was going to go halves
with Richard on a surfboard.

And for another thing,

I figured while I
was driving around

delivering the papers,

I'd be building up
my legs for track.

Beaver, you can build up
your legs by just riding around.

Well, maybe he figures

he can build his legs
and his bank account up

at the same time.

Yeah, besides that,

people know you're
somebody if you got a job.

Last year, Richard
worked in the market,

and he got to wear a
pencil behind his ear.

And he got to wear an apron.

Guys would walk all the
way over there after school

just to look at him.

Well, look, Beaver, the
other kid's already got the job,

so why don't you
just give it up?

No, sir, I'm not
going to give up.

Maybe the other kid will
goof up and they'll fire him.

Hey, Dad, maybe you could
call up the newspaper office

and tell him the kid
who got the job cheated.

What are you asking
Dad to call them up for?

Why don't you
call them yourself?

Gee, a kid can't
squeal on another kid.

That's for grown-ups.

I'll do no such thing, Beaver.

You just eat your breakfast.

Okay, but the way
my stomach feels,

I bet it makes noises
in school anyways.

We'll discuss it later, Beaver.

I have to get to the office.

Ward, I don't like
Beaver being so anxious

to take somebody else's
job away from them.

Well, dear, he's not
being mean about it.

It's just that he's so
anxious to look important

in the eyes of his friends.
He's talked about nothing

but this paper
route job for weeks.

Well, I guess it is a big
disappointment to him.

Yeah, but you know how kids are.

By tomorrow, he'll have
forgotten all about it.

Bye-bye.

Bye, honey. Have a good day.

Beaver, will you come in here?

Yes, Mom?

Beaver, ever since you got home

from school this afternoon,
you've been running in and out

- and leaving that door open.
- I know, Mom.

I've been waiting to see if the
paper got here yet. Have you seen it?

No, I've been putting
the linen away.

Your father probably has it.

I bet he doesn't.

Dad, have you seen
tonight's paper yet?

No, I looked for it
when I got home.

I guess it hasn't come yet.

Good, now you can call
the newspaper office up

and tell them what crummy
service you're getting.

Beaver...

And then you could tell them
you just happen to know a boy

who could deliver the
papers real good. Me.

Look, son, don't get
any ideas like that.

This boy is new on the route,

and it's going to take
him awhile to learn it.

- Hi, Richard.
- Hi, Beav.

See the paper out there?

Uh, the paper?
No, I didn't see it.

The new paperboy
hasn't got it here yet.

Yeah?

Well, I don't even
think he's on his way.

I just came from the park
and didn't see the paper guy

all the way over here.

Boy, I'll bet I still
get that paper route.

And when I do, I'm
going to chip in with you

and buy that neat surfboard

we saw in the
sporting goods store.

Yeah, well, I've
got to get a job, too,

if I want that surfboard.

You know, I figured if I saved
the money from my allowance,

I'd be 28 before
I could get one.

- Hi, Richard.
- Hi, Mr. Cleaver.

Hey, Dad, well, our
paper isn't here yet,

and Richard just came all
the way over here from the park

and he didn't see
a paper all the way.

Oh?

The number of the
newspaper office

is KL4-6287.

Beaver, I explained to you

about the paperboy
being new on the route.

Hey, Dad, are you
looking for the paper?

I think Beaver's more
concerned about it than I am.

Yeah, well, I got it right here.

That's tonight's paper?

Yeah, it came
early. Boy, you know,

that new paperboy's
really on the ball.

Thanks, Wally.

You know, I once heard of a
kid who made his own surfboard.

Eh, come to think of it,
though, he was a Hawaiian kid.

So long, Richard.

Yeah, so long, Beav.

Well, didn't you find
the paper at all tonight?

No, and frankly, I'm
not going to put up

with this kind of
service much longer.

But in the beginning,
the service was so good.

It's rather hard to understand.

Yeah.

Well, I guess it's
kind of like marriage.

What do you mean?

Oh, you know,
the first few weeks,

the ride's all
lipstick and makeup.

Then one morning a
man comes downstairs.

Bingo, old housecoat
and hair curlers.

I don't think I appreciate
the comparison.

Oh, it never
applied to you, dear.

Your hair looks like
it never saw a curler.

Thank you very much.

Shall we change the subject?

Yes.

Did the paper come yet, Dad?

No, not yet.

Are you going to call the
guy at the newspaper office?

Hello?

Yes, well, just a moment Fred.

It's Fred Rutherford.

He wants to talk to you

about the new water
coolers at the office.

Look, Beaver, you go out
front, wait for the paperboy,

and when he comes,
tell him I want to see him.

Just a moment, Fred.

Are you going to
clobber him, Dad?

No, I'm not going
to clobber him.

I just want to tell him we're
not happy with the service.

Yes, Fred?

But Dad, if you tell him that,

he'll start delivering
the papers good,

and I'll never get the job.

Just a minute, Fred.

No, Fred. No, you're
not upsetting me.

Look, Beaver, I'm
merely trying to be fair.

But how can you be fair to
a guy you don't even know

and to me, a guy
you've known all my life?

Beaver, will you just go out
and wait for the paperboy?

I know you'll feel a lot better
for helping him keep his job

than you would for
helping him lose it.

Yes, Dad.

Hello, Fred?

Oh, no, you're not
interrupting a thing.

I can't think of
anything I'd rather do

than discuss water coolers.

Hey, you, wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Okay, kid, wait. My
father wants to see you.

Beaver, what's the
matter with you?

Nothing. I thought
you were the paperboy.

Oh, him. You going
to beat him up?

No, I'm not allowed
to beat him up.

I'm just allowed
to wait for him.

I'm going to take
him in the house

so my dad can tell him

what a rotten job he's
doing delivering the papers.

Well, look, it'd be a lot easier

if you just called up
the newspaper office

and had him fired.

Yeah, I know, but I
guess I'd feel better

if I didn't have him fired.

Yeah, well, I think
you'd feel a lot better

if you could get his job so
we could get that surfboard.

Yeah, I know, but...

Hey, isn't that our paperboy?

Well, yeah, that's him.

Hey, the paper
landed in the flowerbed.

Come on, you. My
dad wants to talk to you.

What?

- Come on.
- Let go of me.

Slug him, Beav, and
we'll drag him in the house.

Are you coming or not?

Let go.

Slug him, Beav.

Hey, come on.
Give it to him, Beav.

Come on. Watch him.
Watch him. Come on, Beav.

- Leave me alone.
- Come on. Give it to him, Beav.

Come on. Let's go.

Another time. Come
on. Give it to him, Beav.

Go. Come on.

Uh-oh.

Oh, no.

A girl paperboy.

I'll get even with
you, you mean kid.

Hey, wait a minute. Wait.

Hey, Beav, what's
the matter with you?

What do you mean
what's the matter with me?

Fighting with a girl.
You're in big trouble.

Yeah, but Richard,
you said... Uh-oh.

Boy, wait till she
tells her parents.

I'm sure glad I didn't
get messed up in this.

See you, Beav.

Hey, Richard, you
come back here.

Beaver, what's all this noise?

You out here?

Yes, Mom, I'm out here.

But I wish I was

in some nice, safe
place like the moon.

Beaver, what in the
world happened to you?

Uh, I fell down.

You fell down?

Yeah, I fell down

when I got in a fight
with a certain person.

What certain person?

The certain person
who delivers our papers.

The paperboy?

Well, he wasn't exactly...

Ward, look at Beaver. He
had a fight with the paperboy.

Beaver, I told you to leave
that boy alone, didn't I?

Yes, sir, but it was dark out.

Well, I know very
well it's dark out.

That has nothing to do
with your getting in a fight.

But me getting in a fight
was kind of your fault.

My fault?

Well, yes, sir, you see,

you told me to bring him in
here so you could talk to him,

but he didn't want to talk.

And Rich, he was there.
And then the next thing I knew,

I was fighting
with the paperboy.

Beaver, do you really
think that's a good excuse?

No, sir, but it's
the only one I got.

Come on, Beaver.

Come on. You go on
upstairs and get washed.

Yes, Mom.

Ward, I think it's disgraceful.

Newspapers shouldn't
hire little bullies like that.

After all, Beaver was just
carrying out your orders.

Hello, Mayfield Press?

You calling the paper?

Well, it was bad enough
when the boy couldn't get

our paper here on time.
Now, this fight with Beaver...

I've had just about enough.

May I speak to the
circulation manager, please?

Well, when will he be in?

Would you ask him to call me?

Ward Cleaver. KL5-4763.

Wasn't he in?

They said he wasn't.

You think he just didn't
want to talk to you?

You know, I don't know.

Could be that we Cleavers
are just a little too much

for those newspaper people.

You know, Beav,
you don't look too bad,

especially after
getting beat up.

What was he? A little guy?

No, he wasn't a little guy.

Well, he couldn't have
been too big of a guy

or you wouldn't look that good.

No, he wasn't a big guy.

Oh, he was just about
the same size as you are?

No.

Beaver, the guy
had to be some size.

Not if the guy wasn't a guy.

Huh?

It was a girl.

You mean the paperboy's a girl?

Yeah.

And you got in a fight with her?

Yeah, but I didn't
know she was a girl.

Yeah, I'll bet.

Well, you see, Wally, she
had on jeans and a cap,

and it was pretty dark out.

And you didn't know
the difference, huh?

Not at first, but
when we fell down,

she didn't slug
as hard as a boy.

Boy, Beaver, getting
in a fight with a girl,

it's just about the worst
thing a guy can do.

Yeah, I know it is.

If you get in a
fight with a guy,

well, he waits for
you after school

and you get it over with,

but it's not that
way with a girl.

We got it over with.

Oh, yeah? That's what you think.

What do you mean?

Well, you know what
crybabies girls are.

Oh, she didn't cry.

Yeah, they're the worst kind.

She'll probably wait
till she gets home

and then bust out
bawling like crazy.

It could be a real
red blanket case.

Yeah.

And then her father
will want to know

what's the matter.

Yeah, and the
next thing you know,

he'll be over here
wanting to talk to Dad.

Yeah.

You know, Beav, I
think you better go down

and tell Dad what's happened

before he finds out
from somebody else.

I can't tell Dad I was
fighting with a girl.

Okay, it's up to you.

I was just telling you
for your own good.

Boy, oh, boy.

How come every time
something's for my own good,

I always end up
getting clobbered?

I want to see Mr. Cleaver.

Hey, you're the paperboy...
Uh, girl, aren't you?

Yeah, and you're the big coward
that goes around hitting girls.

Listen, I didn't
know you were a girl.

Hmm, you're not only a
coward, you're a dumb coward.

Look, I don't even
want to talk to you.

I want to see your father.

Oh, well, you don't want to
see him right now, do you?

Look, are you going to
get him for me or not?

What if I told you
he wasn't home?

What if I told you I
didn't believe you?

Would you start
beating me up again?

Okay, I'll get him.

Beaver, what's going on here?

Dad, this is our paperboy.

Our paperboy?

- Mr. Cleaver?
- Yes?

I've come to
collect for the paper.

Oh, I see.

Beaver, is this the paperboy...

I mean, the papergirl
you had the fight with?

Uh, yes, Dad.

But it doesn't
matter, Mr. Cleaver.

He didn't hurt me.

Could I collect now, please?

Of course, you can, but
would you come in first?

I'd like to talk to you.

Yes, sir.

Uh, right in here.

Just sit down, will you?

All right, there we are.

Thank you.

And here's your receipt.

Thank you.

Now, young lady, we
haven't been too happy

about the service
we've been receiving.

Yes, sir.

Now, I don't want to upset
you, but time and time again

I've found the paper
in the flowerbeds

or up in the tree or
in the neighbor's yard.

Well, gee, Dad, girls can't
throw as good as boys can.

Thank you, Beaver.

Now, I realize this is
not an easy job for a girl,

but the paper's been late, too.

As a matter of fact,

here lately it's been
coming way after dark.

I know it has.

Oh, now, please. I
don't want you to cry.

Boy, Dad, now look what you did.

I was just delivering the
papers for my brother.

What?

Right after he got the job,

he got the measles.

And so he wouldn't lose it,

I've been delivering
the papers for him.

Oh, well, I didn't realize that.

And we haven't lived here long,

and it's hard to know
all the addresses and...

Dad, I think she's
going to be sick.

I tried my best.

Uh... Ward, what's
going on in here?

Dad's yelling at a girl.

I am not yelling at a girl.

June, this is our paperboy...
I mean, our papergirl.

And well, we've seemed
to upset her a little bit.

Oh, honey, you
poor little thing.

Our paperboy?

Well, uh, yes.

You see, I was trying to
explain about the service and...

But I didn't really mean to...

Oh, come on, honey.
You come with me.

Now, you mustn't cry anymore.

Hey, what's going on down here?

Too late, Wally. You missed it.

Ward, maybe you ought
to drive her home, honey.

Well, sure, I'll be glad to.

No, my mother's waiting
for me out in the car.

Oh, I didn't realize that.

Well, she must wonder
what's keeping you.

No, she knows it
takes a long time

to collect from some people.

I mean, well, can I go now?

Well, tell your brother

he can have the measles
as long as he wants

and it's okay with me.

You let me go with you, hmm?

Boy, that's the paperboy?

What did you do,
Beaver? Slug her again?

Hello?

Yes, this is Mr. Cleaver.

Oh, yeah, would you hold
on just a minute, please?

- Beaver?
- Yes, Dad?

Uh, son, I called
the newspaper office

a little earlier to complain
about the delivery service,

and I didn't get anyone.

Now Mr. Williams is calling
back to see what I wanted.

That's him now?

Yep.

Now, Beaver, I'm going
to leave this up to you.

What do you think
I should tell him?

Uh, tell him we have a
real good paperboy, Dad.

All right, Beaver,
I'll tell him that.

Oh, hi, Beav.

How did you make out
with your apologizing?

Well, it wasn't as bad
as I thought it would be.

No kidding?

Yeah, I think
apologizing to a girl

is easier than
apologizing to a guy.

How come?

Well, when you
apologize to a girl,

she figures she
has it coming to her.

But when you apologize to a guy,

he's just as embarrassed
about it as you are.

You know, you're right, Beav.

I remember I had a
fight with this guy once,

and when I was
apologizing to him,

he got so embarrassed, he
pushed me over the hedge.

Hey, Beav, you want to go
someplace and mess around?

I can't. I'm already going
someplace. To the beach.

Yeah? With who?

Somebody, and I'm getting
to use their surfboard, too.

Yeah, well, if you hadn't
have been such a dummy,

you and I could've
had our own surfboard.

Yeah, but I didn't
get the paper route.

Well, that's because you goofed.

If you had told
on that creepy girl,

you could've gotten
the route yourself.

Yeah, well, I'll see
you tomorrow, Richard.

Hi, Beaver.

You want to come over
and see the new surfboard

my brother's going to let us
use when we go to the beach?

Yeah, okay. See you, Richard.

Poor, Beaver.

I used to know him
when he was alive.

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA