Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 6, Episode 37 - Beaver Sees America - full transcript

Ward and June have decided to send Beaver on a six week youth bus tour through the United States for the summer, that is if he wants to go. Beaver is more than excited to go, if only to get away from parental authority for the summer. All Beaver's friends are excited for him. Beaver wants specifically to tell Mary Margaret Matthews about the trip, she a girl that he is attracted to, but one whose use of her feminine wiles is far beyond her years. He thinks the trip will make him seem like a big shot in her eyes. But when Beaver spends time with Mary Margaret one evening as he drops by her house on a whim, she receives another visitor - another wannabe beau - in the form of Gilbert. Beaver no longer wants to go on the trip when he pictures Mary Margaret and Gilbert spending six weeks together, six weeks he could be spending with her instead. As Beaver tries to figure out how to tell his parents that he doesn't want to go without divulging the reason, Ward and June, who learn of Mary Margaret, have their own plan to get Beaver to want to go on the trip again and forget about a manipulative girl.

Starring...

and...

Oh, I don't know,
Ward. Six whole weeks?

That seems like
an awfully long time

for a boy his age.

He went away to camp one summer

and came back all in one piece.

I know, but this time, he'd
be thousands of miles away.

Who'll be thousands
of miles away?

Oh, your father
wants to send Beaver

on a trip around the
country this summer.



No fooling? Hey,
I'll chip in for that.

Well, it would be a
wonderful trip for him, Wally.

He'd go on a bus with
other boys his own age,

and they'd visit
historical spots

all over the country.

Who'll visit historical
spots all over the country?

You will, Beaver.

Yeah, they got a great
gimmick to get rid of you.

That isn't it, Beaver,

but how would you
like to take a bus trip

all over the United
States this summer?

Well, how long would I be gone?

About six weeks.

Boy. You mean six weeks



with no parents or
teachers to watch me?

Oh, boy. Hot dog.

Well, that isn't

the entire purpose of the trip.

It's good enough for me.

Thanks a lot, Dad.

This is the best thing
that ever happened to me.

It sure beats spending the
whole summer around here.

You know, the thing
about the Grand Canyon

is the way it changes
under every light.

You got to see it at
sunrise, at sunset,

with a storm over it.

The thing to do, Beaver,

is to look at it first
from the Harvey House,

then go on up to the
Hopi House, and then...

Dad, it says here he's only
going to be there 40 minutes.

You mean they only
give them 40 minutes

for the Grand Canyon?

Yeah, I guess I'm
going to have to do

a lot of running on this trip.

- Peachtree Street.
- What?

Well, they're going
through Atlanta,

and that's where Scarlett
O'Hara was born...

Peachtree Street.

Now wait a minute, dear.

Long before Gone With the Wind,

we come to Texas.

They had a lot of neat
fighting there, didn't they?

Hey, look here, Beav.

In Texas, you get
to see the Alamo.

Yeah. Boy, it'll be
neat seeing the place

where John Wayne
was such a big hero.

Listen, anyplace
you can think of,

John Wayne was a big hero.

Beaver, look.

You know, you go to
Williamsburg, Mount Vernon,

all the battlefields,

and then New York
and the Statue of Liberty.

And starting back,
you go to Niagara Falls.

Niagara Falls?

Isn't that kind of a waste

sending a kid Beaver's
age to Niagara Falls?

Well, you know, Wally,

they didn't just put in the
Falls for honeymooners.

Maybe when I'm there, somebody
will go over there in a barrel

so it won't be a total loss.

Look at all the neat hotels
you're going to be staying at.

And your meals
are included, too.

Yeah. And look at this.

They've even got
refreshment stops.

But what are all
these comfort stops?

Well, I, uh, I think
that's the same thing,

except you don't
get refreshments.

Oh.

Boy, this is going to be neat

traveling around the
country for six weeks

like a millionaire.

The biggest trip Whitey
Whitney's taking this summer

is back and forth
to summer school.

Boy, Wally, you
should have been there

when I told Gilbert
and the other guys

about the trip. Boy, their
eyes were popping out.

Boy, you sure get a kick
out of being a big shot,

- don't you?
- Sure. What's wrong with that?

Hey, how come you're
getting all dressed up tonight?

Oh, well, there's, uh,

just one more person I
want to tell about the trip.

You've got a clean shirt on.

Who is it, one of your
teachers or something?

Oh, no. It's just a guy.

What guy?

Uh... Whitey Whitney.

What are you doing

using my Arabian
Nights after-shave lotion?

Well, what's wrong
with it? You use it.

Yeah, but you're too
young to start smelling good.

A guy's got to start sometime.

But it doesn't make sense
starting on Whitey Whitney.

Yeah, well, I'll see you, Wally.

Yeah. I'll see you.

He'll need another sweater.

That's easier to
pack than a jacket

and doesn't have to be pressed.

Talking to yourself, dear?

I guess so. Nobody
seems to be listening to me.

Six pairs of socks.

You think that's enough?

Well, sure. That's
a pair a week.

Oh, Wally, come on
now. This is serious.

And another thing, Ward.

How's he going to
get his laundry done?

Well, dear, the bus will
pull up beside a river bank

where there's a large stone.

Our pioneering son will
take his shirt, shorts, socks,

dip them in the
father of waters,

and beat them on a rock.

Ward, for heaven's sakes.

Hello.

Hello, Mrs. Cleaver?

This is Hubert Whitney.

Who?

You know. Whitey.

Uh, Mrs. Cleaver, if
you're not yelling at Beaver,

could I please talk to him?

Well, Beaver isn't here now,

and why would we
be yelling at him?

I don't know. They're always
yelling at me around here.

Oh.

Wally, did you have any
idea where Beaver went?

Yeah. He said he was going
over to Whitey Whitney's.

Whitey, isn't Beaver over there?

Didn't you two have a
date together or something?

No, ma'am. Us two didn't
have anything together.

Oh. Well, maybe
Wally misunderstood.

Well, no, Mom. No,
that's what he said.

Well, Whitey, look,

I'll tell him that you called.

Bye.

Gin.

Ward, I'm worried.

If Beaver isn't over
at Whitey's by now...

10, 20... 27.

Ward, aren't you worried?

Uh, not particularly.

I got a whiff of
him as he went by.

Yeah. If I was a
kid 13 years old

and had a date with a girl,

I figured it would save a lot
of embarrassing questions

to say I had a date
with Whitey Whitney.

It was nice of you to
come over, Beaver.

Did you stop by for
any special reason?

Oh, no. Nothing special.

I just happened to
be walking along,

and I... I didn't have
anything better to do, so I...

Oh, you didn't have
anything better to do,

so you thought you'd drop by

and see ugly old pigeon-toed,
bowlegged Mary Margaret.

Well, gee, that
isn't what I meant.

Isn't it... Teddy?

Gee, nobody ever
called me Teddy before.

I'm glad I'm not
like your other girls.

I've heard it said by some

that it isn't manly for
a man to use perfume.

Oh, I'm not using perfume.

Well, whatever it
is, it's a lovely scent.

I don't see why a boy
shouldn't smell good if he can.

Well, maybe somebody spilled

some of Wally's Arabian
Nights shaving lotion someplace.

Is that what they call it?

Isn't it glamorous?

I never noticed.

What are you going
to do this summer?

Oh, that's what I came
over to tell you about.

I mean accidentally
dropped over to tell you about.

I'm going to take a big bus trip

all around the country.

You know, visit all
the historical spots...

Grant's Tomb, Niagara
Falls, Washington's Monument.

I'm even going to spend 40
minutes at the Grand Canyon.

Well, that's wonderful for you.

But what about me?

What do you mean,
what about you?

You'll be traveling
all over the country,

and I'll just be sitting
here all by myself.

What in the world
will I ever do?

Well, not being a
girl, I wouldn't know.

Well, I guess
that's the way life is.

You just get to know someone,
and then they want to go away.

Gee. I didn't know
you cared if I went away

or if I stayed or what I did.

Oh, Teddy, how can you say that?

Anybody home?

Gilly, what a nice surprise.

Hi, Mary Margaret.

I just happened to be
in the neighborhood.

Hi, Gilbert.

But if you have
a date... Hi, Beav.

Oh, no. Teddy isn't any date.

He just was out for a
walk, and he saw the light,

and that's all there is to it.

Come on, Gil, sit down.

What lovely perfume
you're wearing, Gilly.

What do you mean, perfume?

I've heard some
say that it isn't manly

for a man to use perfume,

but I think it shows
consideration for others.

Yeah, well, it's just some kind

of old after-shave lotion.

What do they call it?

I think it says on the
bottle it's Buckskin.

Now, that's what I call manly.

Teddy here was just telling me

about how he's going to take
a long trip during the summer.

Yeah, Beav, I think you
mentioned some kind of corny trip.

Yeah. Well, it'll
be pretty neat.

I'm going to be gone
about six weeks...

You know, visit
all the battlefields,

go to Congress, the Alamo,

Niagara Falls, the Grand Canyon,

stuff like that.

Doesn't that sound
exciting, Gilbert?

Yeah, I guess if
you were a little kid,

you'd get a charge out of it.

What are your plans
for the summer, Gilly?

Well, your truly is going to
rough it at home this summer.

Me, too.

Oh, Teddy, you will drop
us a postcard now and then.

Yeah, I guess I could from
one of the comfort stops.

Oh, Gilly, what does a
person do around here

during the summer?

Well, a person can go hiking

or ride some horses,

or, of course, there's
always the beach.

Do you like to water ski?

I'm afraid I don't know how.

There's no trick to it,

uh, if you get somebody
to start you off right.

You mean I have
to have a teacher?

No. I could show you how.

You could, Gilly?

You mean you wouldn't be
bored to little bits and pieces?

Oh, no, I'd be glad
to help you out.

Did you hear that, Teddy?

I guess I'm going
to have a little fun

while you're traveling
around the country anyway.

Isn't that sweet of Gilly?

Oh, yeah. That's
real sweet of Gilly.

Now, see, the important thing

is to get the two images
in the range finder together.

That means you have it in focus.

Hey, you little goof.

Look, I'm doing you a favor
by letting you take the camera.

But you got to
know how to work it,

or you might as well take
your old beat-up camera.

Thanks, Wally.

What's the matter
with you anyway?

You know what Gilbert's
going to be doing this summer?

What, going to day camp?

No. he's going to be
teaching her how to water ski.

Who's her?

Mary Margaret.

Mary Margaret Matthews.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I've seen her around.

Look, Beaver, she's too
much for you to handle.

What do you mean by that?

Well, you're still
in the pony league.

She's batting in
the World Series.

What do you mean by that?

She's a real neat girl.

So that's why you got yourself

all smelled up
for her last night.

What of it?

You like her, huh?

I hate her.

Oh. So it's one of those deals.

You know about
those kind of deals?

Well, sure. I've been
through it lots of times.

You hate a girl, but you
can't keep away from her.

Boy. I'll be a
million miles away.

Gilbert will be teaching
her how to water ski

and taking her horseback riding

and, well, sitting
on that stupid swing.

I feel like I did
when I was little

and I swallowed that peach pit.

Boy, Beaver, I
feel sorry for you.

I've never seen you
so flaky over a girl.

- Oh, hi, Eddie.
- Hiya, men.

Hey, Beaver, I hear you're going

on a transcontinental
junket this summer,

and old Eddie Boy brought
you a going away present.

You brought me a present?

Yeah, come here.

Come here. Close your eyes.

Hey, how about that, kid?

You'll be the life of the
party on that bus trip.

You'll be another
Bozo the Clown.

Yeah. Sure, Eddie.

Hey, what's the
matter with the kid?

Come on, knock it off, Eddie.

Beaver doesn't
want to go on the trip.

Aw, what's the matter?

Doesn't babykins want to be away

from his mommy
and daddy that long?

Cut it out, Eddie, or I'm
liable to paste you one.

Hold it, Junior. Let's
not get physical here.

Somebody might get hurt.

Yeah, Eddie. Maybe you.

Okay, okay. How come
the kid doesn't want to go?

Well, he's got a
crush on this girl,

and he doesn't want
Gilbert moving in on her.

Yeah. Gilbert will be
seeing her every day,

and all I'll be
seeing is my country.

Simple. Just talk
to your father.

Tell the warden to
put you back in solitary

because you're just not going.

It's not that easy, Eddie.

Dad's already made all
the arrangements for the trip.

I think he even put a
$30 deposit down on it.

Oh, well. If he laid
out good money,

then you're going to have
to go the emotional route.

Play "I Love You Truly"
on the old heart strings.

What do you mean by that?

Well, you go to your
mother and father,

and you play up
the togetherness bit.

"How can I leave
the old plantation?"

And that kind of jazz.

Sob it up a little bit.

It's the first time you've
ever been away from home.

"Who's going to
blow me little nose

and tuck me into bed at night?"

Really, if you play
your cards right,

you'll make Oliver Twist
look like an amateur.

Ah, don't listen to him, Beav.

A trip around the
country will do you good.

Yeah. But all of a sudden,

Mary Margaret sounds
a lot more interesting

than the Grand Canyon.

Hi, dear.

Hi.

Look.

I got Beaver a new sweater.

Oh.

And, honey, I
looked over his socks,

and honestly, they
were so beat up,

so I got him a half
a dozen new ones.

Think he'll like them?

Well, a sock is
a sock is a sock.

I don't think he's in much
of a mood to like anything.

Yes, what happened to him, Ward?

When you first
brought up the trip,

he was all for it, and
then, at lunch today,

when we mentioned
it, he looked so sad.

I think I know what it is.

What?

Well, we've always
done things together

during the summer.

I think he feels that
we're going to miss him,

and he doesn't want
to upset us by leaving.

Well, then I guess we're just
going to have to cheer him up

and let him know that we're
happy he's going on the trip.

Hi.

Oh, hi, Beaver.

Hey, look. Your
mother's been shopping.

She's getting everything
all ready for your trip.

Shirts, socks, underwear.

Well, about the trip,
Dad, I've been thinking.

Beaver.

Your mother and I think

we know what
you've been thinking.

- You do?
- Yeah.

We've always spent
our vacations together,

and you think we'll be lonely
here at home without you.

That's it, isn't it, Beaver?

- Well, I...
- Look, Beaver,

Wally's going to be here,

and we plan to take a few trips,

and anyway, you'll
only be gone six weeks.

We'll be so happy that
you're having a good time,

we'll hardly have
time to miss you at all.

Yeah, but what if
I miss you guys?

Well, we're going
to write to you.

And anyhow, you're
going to be so busy

that you won't have
time to think of us.

Look, your mother's
got everything all set.

She's got name tags for
your clothes and everything.

See, Beaver?

Yeah. That's nice, all right.

If I get killed,

at least they'll know who
I am from my underwear.

Boy, Eddie and his bright ideas.

Before I got to "I Love You
Truly" and togetherness,

they practically
had me on the bus.

Look, Beaver, I told you
that was the wrong approach.

How come you
didn't just tell them

you didn't want to go?

Because then I would
have had to tell them

why I didn't want to go.

Can you imagine how
they would have laughed

if I told them I preferred
Mary Margaret Matthews

to the Washington Monument?

Yeah, I see what you mean.

Boy, Beaver, you sure picked
a heck of a time in your life

to start panting over women.

I didn't pick it.
It just happened.

Yeah.

Come to think of it,

the whole mess snuck
up on me the same way.

Wally, if you have something
to tell us about Beaver,

tell us. Stop beating
around the bush.

That's right. If you know why
he doesn't want to go on the trip,

let us know.

Well, the reason
he doesn't want to go

isn't because he's
going to miss you

or you're going to miss him.

It's because he's going to
miss Mary Margaret Matthews.

A girl?

So that's why he went
out of here the other night

smelling like the
Arabian Nights.

That's right, Dad.

His life's going to be
miserable from now on.

He's discovered girls.

Well, Wally, who is this
Mary Margaret Matthews?

She's a new girl in his class.

She's older than he is,

and, from what I've
heard, she's, well...

She's what?

Well, she's, uh,
sort of an operator.

Ward, we can't
let a girl like this

get her clutches on Beaver.

Well, now, dear, I hardly think

a little girl in
the eighth grade

is a junior Cleopatra.

Dad, I, uh, I kind of think

little girls have
grown up an awful lot

since you were a kid.

Is that so?

Yeah. She's got
Beaver and Gilbert

both on the string.

She acts like one of those girls

you see in the movies

but you never really
expect to run into.

Ward, what are we going to do?

Uh... Uh, Dad, I
don't want to tell you

how to run your
family or anything,

but if I were you,

I'd make sure Beaver
gets on that bus.

Thank you, Wally.

Well, Ward, what
are we going to do?

We can't force him
to get on that bus,

yet we don't want him to
miss a wonderful trip like this

just because of
some silly little girl.

No. We can't force him.

But there are other ways

of getting kids to do
what's best for them.

Every once in a while,

a parent's just lucky
enough to pull it off.

Hi, Mom.

Hello, Beaver.

Mom, when I go on the bus trip,

you think I'll get to
sit where I want to sit,

or do you think they'll
assign me a seat?

Well, I don't know,
but I should think

you could sit where you want to.

That's good. Boy,
I sure hope I get

to sit next to Gilbert Bates.

Gilbert Bates? Is
he going on the trip?

Yeah. I just came
from his house.

His father signed
him up this afternoon.

Boy, it sure is going to be neat

traveling all around the
country with my best friend.

Beaver, I thought you
weren't anxious to go.

Oh, that was before.

Gilbert's father was telling us

what a neat experience it'll be

and how it'll help us
prepare to become men.

I'm sure it will, Beaver.

He was telling us

about a place called
Carlsbad Caverns.

Before it became
a tourist attraction,

everybody down there was
dead for thousands of years.

I'm going to go
upstairs and tell Wally.

Hi, dear.

Hi. You know, Beaver
just came home,

and I've never
seen such a change.

Now he's delighted
to go on the trip.

Is that so?

And you know something
else right out of the blue?

Gilbert Bates
decided to go along.

Well, fate moves
in strange ways.

What do you mean by that?

It means I had lunch with
Gilbert's father this afternoon.

And you told him about
Mary Margaret Matthews?

Mm-hmm. And all of
a sudden, he decided

that Gilbert should see
the wonders of America, too.

Hi, Mom.

- Hi.
- What are you doing?

Just sewing more name
tags in Beaver's clothes.

Hmm. "Theodore Cleaver."

It's a good thing you
didn't put "Beaver" in there.

If he conked out on the trip,

they'd bury him in a pet
cemetery or something.

Oh, Wally, honest, how
could you say a thing like that?

Oh, I'm sorry, Mom.

For a minute there, I
forgot he was your kid.

Where is Beaver?

He and Gilbert
took off someplace.

Oh. You know, Wally,
you were very helpful

telling us about Beaver's
crush on Mary Margaret.

I felt kind of like a
rat squealing on him,

but I guess after all,

a guy should have his own
brother's interest at heart.

Hey, Gilbert, do you think
when we're in Washington,

we'll get to see
Congress in session?

Nah. My father says all of
their fighting over with my then.

Yeah.

Boy, is that Mary Margaret
going to be shook up

when she finds out we
both decided to go on the trip.

There won't be anybody
around to take her to the movies

or teach her water
skiing or anything.

Yeah. Hey, there's her house.

Now listen. You tell her

we both decided
to go on the trip.

No, Beaver, you tell her.

Hey. There she is on the porch.

But what's that
sitting next to her?

I think it's a sheepdog.

No, it's Whitey Whitney.

You know, Whitey,

I just love a man that
wears a manly perfume.

Oh, heck, Mary Margaret.
This isn't perfume.

My mom washed my hair
with tar soap this morning.

Oh, Whitey, you're so cute,

and you've got such
a sense of humor.

We're just going to have
oodles of fun this summer.

Yeah, I guess so.

Boy, Beaver, listen to her.

The same old line.

I just hope I don't get
my hives back again.

Last summer, I was scratching
the whole month of August.

Yeah. I'll tell you one thing.

If there are any
girls on that bus trip,

I'm going to ride on
top with the baggage.

Hey, Mom, I stuck all the
extra clothes Beaver left

in his closet.

Oh. Thank you, Wally.

I'll see you later.
Don't wait up for me.

You have a date?

Yeah, I do.

Now I'm going over to Eddie's,

and we're going to
try to beg some girl

into going out with him.

Well, have a good time.

Okay. So long.

Anything you want to see on TV?

Hey, you know,
this is great, isn't it?

With Beaver gone on his trip
and Wally out for the evening,

we can look at
anything we want to.

That's right.

Well, now, let's see.
What's on at 8:00?

I wonder where he is tonight.

Ahem. Let's see. Uh...

Uh, Tuesday.

They, uh, they should get
into Albuquerque tonight.

Albuquerque.

You remember the
time we got off that train

and you bought me
the Indian bracelet?

Yeah. Yeah, sure I remember.

Beaver cut his first
tooth on that bracelet.

Ahem. Uh,

what was that you said
was on television at 8:00?

- Ward.
- Huh?

You think Beaver's
going to remember

to change his socks every day?

Well, I hope not, dear.

After all, he's supposed
to be on a pleasure trip.

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