Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 6, Episode 32 - Don Juan Beaver - full transcript

Starring...

And... As...

Say, Dad, when are you going to
have the oil changed in your car?

I don't know. I guess it's
due in a couple of weeks.

When you do, could
I have your old oil?

Wally, what would
you want that for?

Put in my car.

Used oil?

Sure. They way my car leaks,

I can't afford to
use expensive oil.

But, Wally...



- Oh, I'll get it.
- I'll get it.

Boys, you sit here,
finish your dinner.

I'll get it in the kitchen.

If it's for you, it's
probably Eddie Haskell

wanting to borrow your homework.

Yeah, well, if it's for you,

it's probably one of those
grubby little friends of yours,

like Gilbert or Whitey.

- Who is it, Mom?
- It's a girl.

Oh.

For Beaver,

and she insists on
talking to him immediately.

- Beaver?
- Beaver?

Me?



Yeah. Oh, okay.

Uh-huh.

All right, I'll see you.

Could I have some
more potatoes, please?

- Well?
- Well what?

The telephone.

Oh, it was for me.

Well, we know it
was for you, Beaver,

but if the girl insisted on
talking to you immediately,

what was it all about?

Well, the eight grade is
having a graduation dance,

and she wants me to go with her.

Uh, the girl is asking you?

Yes, sir.

They wanted to get in early

before all the good
guys were taken.

Boy, Beaver,

you must've been
the last call she made.

Beaver, who is the
girl who asked you?

Oh, her name is Peggy Macintosh.

Well, did you accept the
young lady's invitation?

I told her I might
go and I might not.

You've got to
keep girls guessing.

Where did you get
an idea like that?

From listening to Wally
and Eddie talk about girls.

Wally.

Gee, Mom, it's
nothing so terrible.

You think so, Dad?

Well, it has certain advantages

under certain conditions.

Just for that you can
all get your own dessert.

Beaver, I think that's a
very mean way to act.

Now, I want you to go in
and call Peggy right back

and tell her you'll go
to the dance with her.

Oh, gee, Mom,

well, let me tell her
tomorrow in school.

If I call her back tonight,

she'll think that
I'm... Well, the...

She'll think what?

You know, that I'm
coming on too strong.

Uh, Peggy, could I
talk to you for a minute?

Certainly, Beaver.

I don't mean here.

Could I talk to you over there?

I don't want to
talk out in the open.

Well, what is it?

Oh, it's about the
graduation dance.

I'd be happy to
accept your invitation.

Oh, that's fine, Beaver.

You didn't sound too enthusiastic
on the phone last night.

Well, my parents were listening.

I couldn't be too enthusiastic.

Oh.

Yeah, well, I guess
I'll see you Saturday.

Okay, but I'll see
you before that.

- Where?
- In class, silly.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, you guys
going to the dance?

- Yeah.
- Uh-huh.

Who are you going with, Whitey?

Well, I was thinking it over,

and I think I'll go with a girl.

I'm going with Angela Valentine.

I thought you hated her.

Well, I used to,

but ever since I've
been in the eighth grade,

it's not as easy to
hate girls as it was.

I don't hate girls.

I've been on lots of dates.

You? Where?

Last summer I went on a
picnic with Dorothy Wainwright.

Oh, yeah?

Your whole family
went on that picnic.

Yeah, but she and I got to
split our own chicken together.

Wow, you're a real lover boy.

I bet you each had your
own bowl of Pablum, too.

Who are you taking
to the dance, Beav?

I'm not taking anybody.

Peggy Macintosh is taking me.

She asked you already?

Yeah, she called
me at home last night.

Boy, Beaver,

my mother had to call
Angela Valentine's mother

to get her to go with me.

You must really have something.

Yeah, I wonder what it is.

The way I feel about girls,

they're nothing to
get shook up about.

They're just something
that happens,

like shaving or
getting cavities.

Yeah.

Excuse me, I'm Melinda Nielson.

Could one of you boys tell me
where the girls' gymnasium is?

Huh?

Yes, I just transferred up here
from a school in Charleston,

and I just haven't been
able to learn my way around.

Oh, yeah. Well,
you go down the hall,

and then you turn left,

and then you go downstairs,

and then you turn right...

No, Gilbert, you turn left.

Oh, yeah, I was
thinking of the boys' gym.

And then you go past
the auditorium and...

Oh, my,

I'm just so confused when it
comes to following directions.

I just know I'm going
to get myself lost.

You suppose one of you
could show me the way?

- Sure.
- How sweet of you.

- You know something, Whitey?
- What?

I really do think
Beaver has something.

If you hadn't have
shown me the way,

I might have been late for class

and got off on the wrong foot.

Honestly, Theodore,
you're just a lifesaver.

That's what you are.

Yeah, I guess so.

Isn't that it?

Isn't that what?

Where I'm going, the girls' gym.

Oh, yeah, that is where
you were going, isn't it?

Thank you again, Theodore.

You're just a lamb. Bye-bye.

Good-bye.

Beaver, you ate
all of your turnips.

I thought you didn't like them.

Oh, that's right. I don't.

Beaver, you've been acting
spooky ever since you got home.

You've been walking around here like
you're something out of Edgar Allan Poe.

Well, maybe he just...

- I'll get it.
- I'll get it.

I'll get it.

Dad, where's Charleston?

It's in South Carolina.

- Have you ever been there?
- Yes, I have.

What's it like?

Well, it's a very beautiful city

with lots of parks
and trees and flowers.

Yeah, I figured it
must be like that.

It's for you, Beaver.

It's a girl.

Thanks, Mom.

Uh, the same one
who called last night?

Uh-uh, this one has
a southern accent.

Oh, hello, Melinda.

Beaver, I was talking

to some of the girls in
gym today, and they tell me

there's going to be
a graduation dance.

I wondered if you'd
like to take me.

Uh, me take you to the dance?

Gee, I don't know.

What's the matter,
Beaver? Don't you like me?

Oh, I didn't say that.

I like you fine.

Well, if you like me, Beaver,

why wouldn't you want
to take me to the dance?

Uh, well, it's...

It's just that I think I better
ask my mother and father.

Yeah, well, I'll see
you in school tomorrow.

Uh, yeah, you're a lamb, too.

Yeah, well, good-bye.

Hey, Bobby Darin, who was
that on the phone, Sandra Dee?

No, that was Melinda Nielson.

She's a new girl at school.

Did she call up
about school work?

No, she wants me to
take her to the dance.

Well, Beaver, you promised
to go with Peggy Macintosh.

Yeah, I know.

What a mess. Boy,
this is going to be good.

What do you plan to do?

Well, I'd rather
go with Melinda,

so I guess I'll
just call up Peggy

and tell her I
can't go with her.

Oh, no, Beaver, you
can't treat anyone like that.

Why not, Mom? They're
just a couple of girls.

Beaver, you've already
made one date for the dance.

You can't break it just
to make another one.

But, Dad...

No, you promised you'd
go with Peggy Macintosh,

and you'll go with
Peggy Macintosh.

- You understand?
- Yes, sir.

Hiya, men.

Hey, Eddie.

Hey, was that your
car I heard just backfire

when you drove up?

Yeah, it took me thirty
minutes this afternoon

to get it to do that.

Hey, Wally, I'm
writing a composition,

and I wanted to
borrow a dictionary.

You got an extra one?

Yeah, there's one
down in the den.

You can pick it up
on your way out.

Uh, your father's in there.

He gave me a funny
look when I came in.

Like I'm a teenage
werewolf or something.

Okay, Eddie.
I'll get it for you.

What's the matter
with you, junior?

You get drummed out
of the Mousketeers?

I got girl trouble.

Girl trouble, you?

Now I've heard everything.

Cut it out, Eddie.
It's not funny.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I wouldn't want to
hurt your little feelings.

Come on, loosen up. Why don't
you tell Big Daddy your problem?

Well, I invited
one girl to a dance,

and now I've got a better offer.

Is that all?

Simple. You just
play a little game

we operators call
ditching the dodo.

Ditching the dodo?

Sure. You unload the crow
and latch onto the dove.

I just couldn't go up and
break my date with Peggy.

Besides, my
parents won't let me.

You don't break the date.

You get her to break it.

But she wants to go with me.

So you do something that
makes her not want to go with you.

You do something annoying,
make yourself obnoxious.

And believe me, Sam, with your
personality, it won't be too hard.

Here's the dictionary, Eddie.

Thanks.

If your father needs it to
spell "cat" or something,

give me a holler.

Hey Beaver, what are you
looking so happy about?

Couple minutes ago, you
were practically bawling.

I was just thinking,

for a dumb guy, that
Eddie really knows a lot.

- Hi, Mom.
- Hello, Beaver.

I just came out to see if I
could help you with the dishes.

Thank you, but I'm all finished.

Oh. Mom, what annoys you?

What annoys me?

Yeah. What would make
you mad at somebody,

like Dad, for instance?

Well, sometimes if I
buy a hat or a dress

and your father kids me
about it, that annoys me.

No fooling?

I bought a pair of shoes once,

and your father
laughed and he said,

"Wouldn't you have been
better off wearing the boxes?"

I didn't speak to him
for the rest of the day.

Thanks a lot, Mom.
That's a good one.

Hi, Dad. Are you busy?

I don't know, Beaver. What's up?

Nothing, nothing at all.

Oh, by the way, Dad,

did you ever have
any ladies mad at you?

Well, I guess I've had a few
women annoyed with me, Beaver.

No fooling? I thought you
were going to let me down.

I mean, what were
they annoyed at you for?

Well, I suppose once in a
while, I forgot to be polite.

You know, forgot to open a door

or carry a package for a
young lady. Something like that.

Why are you so interested in manners all
of a sudden? Is it something for school?

Yeah, it's for school.

Thanks a lot, Dad.

Come on, Beaver, don't be
using my aftershave lotion.

I've got as much right
to smell good as you do.

Not when I'm paying
for it, you don't.

Okay.

Hey Wally, you've had a lot of
girls mad at you, haven't you?

Sure. A guy can't
live to be my age

without that happening.

What did you ever do to
make them the most mad?

Let me see.

Hey, I know something.

If you're ever at
a party or anything

with a bunch of guys,

and you start
talking about sports,

boy, girls really
give you the freeze.

- Sports, huh?
- Yeah.

I remember once, Lumpy and I took
these two girls to this Italian restaurant.

There was tablecloths
and candles on the table,

and this guy was playing
a violin and everything.

The girls were on cloud nine,

when all of a sudden,
Lumpy pulls out a breadstick

and starts diagramming
football plays.

So I took some lumps
of sugar for the back field

and started laying out a
play, and all of a sudden,

we looked up and
nobody was around

except Lumpy and me
and that guy with the fiddle.

- That must have been something.
- Yeah.

Hey Beaver, how come you're all of a sudden
asking all these questions about girls?

I'm going to that
graduation dance,

and I just want to make sure I don't do
anything to make the girls mad at me.

- Hi, Beaver.
- Hi, Peggy.

You said you'd let me know what
time you'd pick me up for the dance.

Oh, yeah. I did, didn't I?

I guess some time
between 6:00 and 7:30.

Well, that's not very definite.

Hey, how come you're
wearing your sneakers?

Oh, because I have gym.

Your feet are kind of big.

Wouldn't you be better
off wearing the boxes?

Oh, Beaver, you're so funny.

I bet you're the funniest
boy in the whole class.

Hey Whitey, how come
you have three desserts?

You're only
supposed to have one.

I traded my hot dog with
Allen and my beans with John.

Won't you get sick, eating
nothing but desserts?

Sure.

Hey Gilbert, about that test
we have in history tomorrow...

- Hi, Beaver.
- Hi, Peggy.

Oh, and speaking
of baseball, fellows,

I think Don Drysdale's going
to have a bigger year this year

than he had last year.

Huh?

And I don't think
enlarging the strike zone's

going to hurt Mickey
Mantle one bit.

You take a switch
hitter like that,

and he could hit from any spot
to any place in the whole park.

Hey Beaver, I think Peggy
was going to sit down with us,

and you chased her away.

No fooling? Gee, I
didn't even notice her.

Beaver, couldn't
you please help?

Help what?

Help me open the door.

Are you having trouble?

Never mind.

Hey, Gilbert, wait up.

Hi, Mom.

Hi, Wally. Aren't
you home early?

We didn't have any
class this afternoon.

We were all practicing
for graduation.

We went up on the stage and practiced
taking our diploma with our left hand

and shaking Mr. Haller's
hand with our right.

How'd it go?

All right, except it took Lumpy
three trips before he got it.

Thank you.

Hey, I wonder how my
brother Don Juan's doing?

- You mean Beaver?
- Yeah.

You know, that's
really something.

At his age, having two
girls fighting over him.

There's just one
thing that bothers me.

What?

I've lived with Beaver for
practically my whole life,

and I can't figure what
anybody'd see in him.

Wally, you're not a girl.

Yeah, I guess you'd have to
be pretty flakey to go for him.

Well, I didn't exactly
mean it that way, Mom.

Hi, Peggy.

I've been waiting
for you, Beaver.

You have?

Yes, and I want to talk to you

about the way
you've been acting.

Oh, have I been acting some way?

Yes. You've been rude,
impolite and insulting,

and I know why you've
been doing it, too.

Well, you see...

Melinda told some of the girls
that you're taking her to the dance,

and you've been acting this
way to get me to break our date.

Well, gee, Peggy, if I have been
rude and impolite and insulting,

I didn't do it on purpose.

I guess it's just the way I am.

No, Beaver, you're
not that way at all.

But I don't blame you for wanting
to take Melinda instead of me.

I mean, she's prettier, and
I'm sure she's a lot smarter,

and a lot better
dancer than I am.

So it's perfectly all right.

You can just forget
I asked you first

and take her if you want.

Well, you see...

No, it's perfectly all right.

And I hope you have
a very, very nice time.

Well, things are kind
of mixed up right now.

Why don't I call you tonight?

You don't have to, Beaver.

I know I don't have
to, but I want to.

All right.

Theodore Cleaver,
what do you mean

by telling me you can't
take me to the dance?

You promised.

Well, I didn't exactly promise.

I said I have to ask
my mother and father.

What are you anyway,
some kind of a baby?

You just can't let
me down like this.

I told all my girlfriends
I was going with you,

and my mother and father,

and I've got a new dress
and shoes and everything.

If you back out
now, I'm telling you,

you're going to end up
wishing you'd never been born.

Well, I kind of
wish that right now.

Are you going to take me
to the dance or aren't you?

Well, I'll call you tonight.

Just see that you do.

Well Beaver, this is a fine
mess you've got yourself into.

Yeah, I know, Dad.

Beaver, you wouldn't
be in this spot

if you'd done what your father
and I told you to do in the first place.

Couldn't you guys
jump on me later?

Right now, I need some advice.

Boy, Beaver, you're really growing
up to get into this much trouble.

Wally, you're not helping.

I'm sorry, Dad.

Beaver, there's only
one thing for you to do.

You go in and call Melinda up
and tell her you can't take her,

then phone Peggy and
tell her you'll go with her.

Wouldn't it be easier to tell them
both I'm going to be sick Saturday?

Cut it out, Beaver.
That's the coward's way.

Yeah, I know, but when
a guy's dealing with girls,

he doesn't feel
like being a hero.

Son, you've finished eating. You go
in and make both those calls right now.

Yes, sir.

Ward, he looks so worried.

Couldn't you go in there
and sort of help him?

Dear, if he's going to start
getting himself mixed up with girls,

he's beyond help.

Thank you, Wally.

How's your brother
doing with his phoning?

Well, he can't get
hold of Melinda,

and every time he tries to
call Peggy, her line's busy.

He's just sitting there now
with a blank look on his face.

Well, I guess I better
get at the studies.

- You have a lot of homework?
- No, not too much.

I think the teachers are too shook up
over graduation to give us homework.

Hello, is Melinda there?

Oh, this is her?

Well, this is Theodore Cleaver,
and due to a previous engagement,

I will not be able to
accompany you to the dance.

Huh?

I said that's just fine with me.

It just so happens that
there are plenty of other boys

that would just be
delighted to go with me.

Oh.

But there's just one thing

I want to say to
you, Beaver Cleaver.

You're nothing but a miserable,
cotton-picking little creep.

Well, thank you
very much. Goodbye.

How you doing, Beav?

Melinda just called me a
cotton-picking little creep.

At least she's
still talking to you.

Yeah. Now I got to call Peggy
and see if she'll still go with me.

Hey Beaver, how come you got
mixed up with this Melinda anyway?

I don't know.

She's got kind of a
way of looking at you

that makes you want
to do something nice,

like throwing your coat in a
mud puddle for her or something.

Boy, Beaver, you're sick.

Hello, Peggy?

This is Beaver Cleaver.

Yeah, how are you?

Well, I waited for your call,
and then I decided to call you,

but your line was busy.

Oh, yeah. That's on account
of I was trying to call Melinda,

and her line was busy.

Well, you don't have to
worry anymore, Beaver.

When you didn't call, I
called up Whitey Whitney,

and he's taking me to the dance.

So now you can go with Melinda,
just the way you wanted to.

Yeah, but you see, I... Goodbye.

What happened?

She's going to the dance
with Whitey Whitney.

Boy, Wally, this morning I
had two girls chasing me,

and now nobody
will even talk to me.

That's tough, Beav.

What are you going
to do Saturday night?

I guess I'll just stay
home and watch television.

It'll just be me and Ben Casey.

Ben Casey's on Monday night.

You see? Everybody's against me.

Ward, I think it's a shame.

All of Beaver's classmates
at the dance tonight,

and Beaver's
upstairs, all by himself.

Well, I hope he's at
least learned his lesson

about keeping his word.

I'm afraid he got just
what he deserved.

He's been awfully
quiet up there.

Why don't you go up and
just say something to him?

Okay. Maybe he'd
like to come down

and watch television with us.

♪♪

Just a minute, Dad.

- Hi, Dad.
- Hi, Beaver.

I thought I heard some music.

Wally must have left
the record player on.

Oh. Well, would you
like to come downstairs

and look at television
with your mother and me?

It can't be much fun for you,
sitting up here by yourself.

No, that's okay,
Dad. I'm all right.

Well, if you change your
mind, come on down.

♪♪

♪♪

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