Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 6, Episode 30 - The Book Report - full transcript
Beaver has had the book "The Three Musketeers" from the library for two weeks, it now being overdue. He hasn't really even started reading it yet, and he has a report on it due in two days. As such, Ward and June make Beaver start reading the book at the exclusion of all else. Beaver still finds it difficult as for whatever reason, he is having a hard time getting into the story. Gilbert believes Beaver has a way out of his predicament when he sees that a movie version of the book is airing on television on Sunday night, the night before the report is due. Beaver doesn't want to give in to Gilbert's idea, and still tries to read the book. When Sunday night rolls around, Beaver is still nowhere close to being finished reading the book, and Gilbert once again encourages Beaver to at least watch the movie, which the two do together without Ward, June or Wally knowing that they are doing so. But the version of the movie airing, The Three Musketeers (1939), is nowhere close to the book, about which Beaver has no idea, since he hasn't read the book. He ends up writing his report based on the movie he just saw. The question becomes what wrath he will have to face from Mrs. Rayburn and his parents when they inevitably find out what he did.
Starring...
and...
What do you have there?
Oh, Three Musketeers.
What happened to your
Kennedy coloring book?
Oh. Oh, this isn't mine.
It's Beaver's library book.
He got it to make a book report,
and it's three days overdue.
Well, I guess when
he finished the report,
he forgot to take it back.
Hey, Dad, will you
throw me a few?
Uh, just a minute.
You have a library
book here that's overdue.
Oh, yeah, The Three Musketeers.
I want you take it back
to the library right away.
Oh, gee, Dad, I can't.
I got to read it and
write a book report.
Well, when is the
book report due?
Monday.
Beaver, that's the
day after tomorrow.
You've had this book
for over two weeks.
Beaver, haven't
you read any of it?
Well, yeah, I read
the whole first chapter,
but it was so long
ago I don't remember it.
Yes, well, you just put
that ball and glove away
and get started on it right now.
But gee, Dad, it's a thick book.
It'll take me at least
two whole days to read it.
Well, you should've thought
of that two weeks ago.
I did.
I guess that's
why I didn't read it.
Well, why did you
pick such a thick book?
'Cause I got to
the library last,
and all the thin
ones were taken.
Upstairs.
Yes, sir.
Gilbert? I just
wanted to tell you
I can't come over to your
house for dinner tonight.
Gee, you got to
'cause my mom's going to
send out for Chinese food
'cause she had a hard
day washing curtains.
Yeah, well, I'm sorry,
but I got to stay home
and write a book report
on The Three Musketeers.
Gee, that means no extra shrimp.
What?
When you get
four orders of Chinese
food to take out,
they give you extra shrimp.
Yeah, well, I'm sorry, Gilbert.
Hey, save me a
fortune cookie if you can.
Uh, Beaver, you're not
going to get your book read
looking at the paper.
Gee, Dad, can't a guy even
keep up on Mary Worth?
Beaver, The Three Musketeers.
Yes, sir.
Dear, he has to read the book.
I know. I didn't say anything.
Well, no, but you gave me
that poor little fellow look.
No, honey, I'm with you.
Glad to hear it.
A father can use all the
support he can get these days.
Boy, what a dumb book.
A dumb book?
Beaver, The Three
Musketeers is a great book.
How many pages have you read?
I read the whole
first chapter twice,
and I still don't know
what's going on.
Well, wait till you get into it.
There's all kinds of fighting
and blood and everything.
Yeah, but library books
are no good for book reports.
Well, what do you mean?
Well, on store bought
books, they have covers,
and on the cover it tells
what the story is all about.
Listen, Beaver, that way
you're only kidding yourself.
If you don't read
the whole book,
you don't get anything out
of the whole assignment.
Don't you know that?
Yeah, I know.
But that doesn't help
when you're missing
a free Chinese dinner.
I'll get it.
Oh, it's you, Gilbert.
If you want to see Beaver,
you can't. He's busy.
You're not his parents.
Yes, Gilbert?
Can I see Beaver for a
second, Mrs. Cleaver?
I won't stay long.
Well, all right, but
be sure you don't
because Beaver
has a big assignment
to get out this weekend.
Yes, ma'am.
Gilbert, did you finish
your book report?
Yeah, I had to do one on
The Prince and the Pauper.
I finished it yesterday.
Well, good for you.
Yeah, my parents jumped
on me early about it.
But boy, Beav, do I
have good news for you.
Tomorrow night The
Three Musketeers movie's
going to be on TV.
So what?
So all you got
to do is look at it
and then write your
book report from that.
Yeah.
It's not often that a guy
gets to do his school work
and watch a neat
movie at the same time.
Gee, Gilbert, I don't know
if I should do that or not.
Look, Beaver, you have to have
that book report in
by Monday, don't you?
Yeah.
Well, you'll never be able
to finish reading
it by that time.
Gee, I don't know.
Look, Beaver, if it'll
make you feel any better,
you can always
read the book later.
No, I'm going to read it now,
even if I have to
stay up all night.
Okay, Beaver, but in
case you change your mind,
the movie's on at 8:00
tomorrow night on channel...
Gilbert, don't tell me.
How come? Your
conscience bothering you?
Yeah.
And on top of that,
my parents are going to be
home tomorrow night anyway.
Hey, Mom, how come
we're eating so early?
Your father and I are
going to the movies.
Well, who's going to watch me?
Well, Beaver, at your age,
why should anyone
have to watch you?
Well, I don't know.
You get watched at school,
and you get watched at home.
Well, a kid feels funny if
nobody's watching him.
Well, Beaver, if you're
worried about being alone,
Wally will be here.
Gee, no, I won't, Mom.
I'm going over to Julie
Foster's house for dinner.
Wally, how could you possibly
eat another dinner over there?
Well, it's okay, Dad. It's
not for another hour yet.
And anyway, when you're
eating over at a girl's house,
you don't want to look like
a hog in front of her parents.
Say, Beav, would you
pass the potatoes, please?
Then I'll really be
home alone, huh?
Oh, no, you won't, Beaver.
You'll have The Three
Musketeers for company.
How are you doing
with your book?
Well, I was doing pretty good,
but now the Musketeers
are meeting girls
and that's kind of
slowing me down.
Well, you know, Beaver, that
book report's due tomorrow.
If you don't have it ready,
you're going to have
to face Mrs. Rayburn.
Yeah, Beav, and this
close to the end of the year
is no time to start
goofing up assignments.
You might not even graduate.
Oh, they got to let me graduate.
I already paid my deposit
on my cap and gown.
Hello?
How do you do, sir?
I'm happy to inform you
that your child has just won
our most beautiful baby
contest, and he's entitled
to a free portrait
sitting at our studio.
Oh, I'm sorry, mister, but
I don't have any babies.
Well, could I get a
free picture of myself?
Who is it?
It's Frankenstein the monster.
Come on in, Gilbert.
Hey, Beav, what would you
do if it really was Frankenstein?
I'd pull the corks
out of his neck
and let all the air out of him.
Stop being such a wise guy.
What are you doing here anyway?
Well, I didn't have
anything else to do,
so I thought I'd come
over here and annoy you
until your parents
made me go home.
Well, you're out of luck. My
parents went to the movies.
I'm all by myself.
You still trying to read
The Three Musketeers?
Yeah, but I don't know
if I'm going to get
through it or not.
What are you wasting
your time reading for?
It's on already.
What's on?
The Three Musketeers
movie. See? Right there.
"Don Ameche and
the Ritz Brothers."
Who's Don Ameche?
Oh, he's that happy fellow on TV
that's always in
those sad movies.
Oh, yeah, I've seen him.
Who are the Ritz Brothers?
They're the guys that are
playing the three Musketeers.
Now, go ahead. Turn it on.
Gee, I don't know if I should.
Look, I'm your guest,
and I want to see
The Three Musketeers.
Yeah, well, I guess
it wouldn't hurt
just to see what they look like.
And while you're seeing
what they look like,
it won't hurt to have a pad
and pencil ready, either.
Yeah.
Look, they're having
a big fight in a hotel.
Yeah, I don't remember
this in the book.
You probably haven't
gotten there yet.
Hey, look at them
hit those soldiers
with the pots and the pans.
Boy, I didn't know
the Three Musketeers
were such kooky-looking guys.
Wow, look at him swing
from that chandelier.
Boy, if I'd have known
it was this funny,
I would've read the
book two weeks ago.
Boy, Gilbert,
that's the funniest
movie I've ever seen.
Yeah, the way those guys were
throwing those chickens around
and hitting each
other with pies.
Yeah, and all those neat songs.
Hey, you get it all down?
Yeah, but do you
think I ought to put down
the words to any of those songs?
Oh, no, you don't
have to do that.
Just mention the
Three Musketeers
did a lot of
singing. That's all.
Hey, Beav, aren't you
glad I brought this up?
You're going to have
the neatest book report
in the whole class.
Say, Dad, could I
see the sport section?
Yeah.
There you go.
Thanks.
Hey, the Dodgers
beat the Giants again.
"Two out in the ninth,
Wills Bunnid stole second.
Then Howard..."
Hey, hold it. Hold it.
I'll be reading it later.
Don't spoil the plot for me.
Okay, Dad.
Where's Beaver?
He had breakfast early,
then went back upstairs
to finish his book report.
You ought to see him, Dad.
He's up there writing like mad.
He's got a bunch of notes
he's writing his report from.
Well, good for him.
You know, there's one thing I
just don't understand though.
Every once in a while
while he's writing,
he breaks out laughing.
I don't remember any funny
stuff in The Three Musketeers.
Oh, neither do I.
Well, maybe he's just happy
'cause he's finally
getting it written.
Oh, hey, Beav, if
you're ready to leave,
I'll drop you off at school.
How much are you
going to charge me?
Wally, now, don't tell me
you charge your brother
to take him to school.
No, I don't, Mom.
The other day, I just wanted him
to drive me over to Allen's,
and he made me chip
in 15 cents for gas.
Beaver, that was because
when we got over to Allen's,
he was over at Mike's.
And when we got over there,
we found out that they
were all over at Gilbert's.
I must have driven you ten
miles just to get you two blocks.
Beaver, do you have
your book report?
Yeah, I've got it
worked out real neat.
You want to hear it?
Beaver, I haven't got time.
Well, okay.
Just a minute.
Beaver, did you learn
your lesson this weekend?
Well, gee, Dad, I didn't
have to learn anything.
All I had to do is write.
No, Beaver, what I'm
talking about is this business
of putting things off
till the very last minute.
Yeah, Dad, I learned
it's no good to put stuff off
because you're going
to have to do it anyway,
so you might as well
do it and get it over with.
Well, son, if you
really learned that,
then I'd say this was a
very worthwhile weekend.
Yeah, it was so worthwhile
I don't ever want to
go through it again.
"And in the end, the
kingdom was restored,
and they lived
happily ever after."
Very good, Gilbert.
I think that "they lived
happily every after"
seems a little trite.
Yeah, I guess I should've
said "They had a ball."
Well, I think we can come up
with better phrasing than that.
Yes, ma'am.
Janet, may we have
your book report, please?
The Old Curiosity Shop
by Charles Dickens.
"This is a very sad story
"about a little girl
and her grandfather
"who left London to get
away from some men
"who were giving
them all kinds of trouble
"because of her
grandfather's gambling debt
"and how they found
happiness in the beautiful regions
"to the north and
the west of England.
"After leaving London,
things were better
"for the little girl
and her grandfather,
"but after many adventures,
little Nell died near a
country church yard,
and people all over the
world mourned her passing."
Thank you, Janet.
Confused, but I guess
you got everything in.
Theodore, may we have
your book report, please?
The Three Musketeers
by Alexandre Dumas,
the Frenchman.
"The story starts in
Paris when D'Artagnan..."
He's the hero...
"meets these other
fellows, and after awhile,
"they all start singing
up and down the streets.
Then they all go in this hotel
where the three funny guys..."
Three funny guys?
Well, yes, ma'am,
the Three Musketeers,
they were very funny.
Um, "...they all started
plucking chickens
"and throwing the
feathers all over the place
Just a moment, Theodore.
Did I understand you to say
they were plucking chickens?
Yes, ma'am, and
then, in the end,
they ended up throwing
the chickens and the feathers
and everything in the soup.
Proceed.
"Then a whole bunch
of policemen showed up,
and there was a big fight."
What kind of a fight, Theodore?
Oh, it was really neat.
And when this D'Artagnan
guy was getting the worst of it,
these funny guys started
bouncing pots and pans
off the policemen's heads.
Class.
Theodore, this is a report
on The Three Musketeers,
- isn't it?
- Yes, ma'am.
By Alexandre Dumas?
Yes, ma'am.
Continue.
"Well, now the Musketeers
find out that Lord Buckingham
"is plotting
against the country,
"so the Musketeers take
after the lord on horseback
and chase him
across the country."
"But just as they're
about to catch him,
"they come to a
windmill, and it knocks
"the Three Musketeers
off their horses.
"And then they grab
onto the windmill,
"and Lord Buckingham
turns it up real fast
"and they go spinning
around and around.
"And finally they go flying off,
and they fly over a barn
and into a haystack."
Class. Class.
"And then..."
Theodore.
Well, I still got
more written down.
Theodore, that will do.
I'd like to have you
remain after class.
Yes, ma'am.
Gilbert, do you think
when they made the movie,
they could've changed
the story a little bit?
Sounds like it.
Boy, Beaver, the next
time you write a book report,
you better play it safe and
get it out of a comic book.
Mrs. Rayburn, you said you
wanted to see me after class.
Theodore, about the
book report you gave today,
you didn't read
the book, did you?
Uh, no, ma'am.
Because if you had,
you would have realized
that some of the incidents
that you described
didn't occur in the book at all.
I guess not.
You saw a television performance
of The Three Musketeers.
I believe it was on between
8 and 9:30 last evening.
Gee, Mrs. Rayburn,
you're a teacher.
How do you know what
goes on on television?
Because I'm a teacher, Theodore,
there are a lot of things I
have to know that go on,
especially in the minds
of boys and girls your age.
For example, I know
that boys and girls
write book reports from
the jackets of novels,
from movies they've
seen, from comic books...
No fooling, Mrs. Rayburn?
I guess that's why guys
get caught so much.
Oh, once in awhile, a
student gets by with cheating,
but they're not cheating us.
They're just
cheating themselves.
Yeah, I know that, Mrs. Rayburn.
And my brother even told me,
but I just kept putting off
and putting off
reading the book.
Well, all of the
sudden, I got stuck.
Did you ever think
of just coming to me
and just telling me that
you hadn't read the book?
You would've gotten mad.
I might have been angry,
but I wouldn't be ashamed
of you as I am now.
Gee, Mrs. Rayburn, you make
me feel about six years old.
Theodore, you have a
fine record in this school.
The teachers like
you. They respect you.
Now, a good name is something
you don't just toss
away for a book report.
I know that, Mrs. Rayburn.
But it's a lot harder
reading the book
than it is watching the movie.
That's right, Beaver,
and that's why when
you do read a book,
you get so much more out of it.
I'm going to ask you to
take a note to your father.
You're not going to lose it
on the way home, are you?
No, ma'am, I haven't tried
that since the third grade.
Oh, hi, Mom.
Hi, Wally.
Hey, what are these things?
Shasta daisies.
I thought I'd
put a little border
along the walk out back.
Gee, wouldn't bricks be better?
You don't have to water
them or spray them or anything.
You can't put them in the
vase in the living room, either.
Yeah, you got a point there.
Hey, where's Beaver?
Well, when he came
home from school,
he went right up to his room.
Uh-oh, he must have really
goofed something up this time.
Why do you say that?
Gee, if a guy stays in
his room on a day like this,
he's either feeling sorry
for himself or hiding.
Wally, how can you be so sure?
Look, Mom, I've lived in
the same room with Beaver
for almost 13 years now.
You know, like in
those prison pictures,
a guy always knows
more about his cell mate
than the warden does.
Ward, did you ever look
on your parents as wardens?
No, I was too scared of
them to think such a thing.
All right, Beaver, what
did you goof up this time?
My book report.
Yeah, I figured that was it.
What did you do? Copy
it from somebody else?
Oh, no, this is fancier
trouble than that.
You wrote it from a comic book?
No, I wrote it
from The Three Musketeers
movie on television.
Hey, yeah, I saw that
advertised in the paper.
Beaver, that Three Musketeers
isn't the same Three
Musketeers as the book.
Yeah, I didn't know that
then, but I sure know it now.
A note from your teacher, huh?
Yep, it's for Dad.
Sometimes Mrs. Rayburn
gives you a lecture.
Sometimes she gives you a note.
She gave me both.
Look, Beaver, why don't
you play it smart for once?
How could I do that?
Well, instead of
coming right out
and showing Dad the note now,
why don't you
wait till supper time
and then get him talking
about some of the goofy stuff
that he used to do
when he was a kid?
And then when you
show him what you did,
it won't seem so bad.
Hey, that's a neat idea.
Yeah, but wait till
he's eating his dessert.
I think that will
be the best time.
Well, so we played
hooky that day,
and of course, Ms.
Hall, the town busy body,
had to see us fishing.
Well, we knew
she'd squeal on us,
so we all got back to
school as fast as we could,
walked into the
principal's office,
and I was the spokesman.
I said, "Mr.
Hathaway, we're late."
And then I looked up
at the clock on the wall
and saw that school had
been over for half an hour.
Hey, that's pretty good,
Dad. And you know,
one of those funny things
happened to me today.
What was that, Beaver?
I wrote my book report
from a movie and got caught.
You did what?
Boy, Wally, you
and your bright ideas.
Hey, I'm sorry, Beav.
I didn't know he was
going to get that mad.
How come him
playing hooky was funny
and what I did made him mad?
I don't know. I guess stuff
that happened years ago
is always funnier than
stuff that happens now.
Maybe I should've waited
a couple years to tell him.
Hey, what was in the note?
Mrs. Rayburn said I had to write
two extra book reports
in the next three weeks.
Oh.
Hey, what are you
going to read anyway?
I'll tell you one thing.
Tomorrow I'm going
to go the library
and ask them for two books
that they never
made movies out of.
- Hi, dear.
- Hi.
Boy, you're home a little late.
What kept you at the office?
Well, nothing important.
Just making a living.
Did Beaver get those books?
Oh, yes, on the way
home from school.
He's upstairs reading now.
Good. How about Wally?
- He's at the Haskells'.
- Oh.
The motor fell
out of Eddie's car.
Ward, how could the
motor fall out of a car?
Well, ordinarily it couldn't,
but I think it's something
Eddie could manage.
Oh, hi, Mom.
Wally, what happened to you?
Oh, well, gee, Mom, I guess
I must has got a little dirty
helping Eddie
put his motor back.
Oh, well, Wally, you
go on out in the garage
and get the grease off
before you come in the house.
Well, okay, Mom.
- Wally?
- Hmm?
How could the motor
fall out of Eddie's car?
Oh, well, it didn't
exactly fall out.
Eddie ripped it out
driving over a tree stump.
A tree stump?
Yeah, he was
practicing racing starts
at Willoughby's Meadow.
Hi, Beaver.
If you came up to yell at
me, I'm already reading.
Oh, I know that, Beaver.
I didn't come up to yell at you,
but son, don't pull anything
like that again, huh?
It's not good for you,
and it upsets us all.
Don't worry, Dad. I won't.
I think I've really learned
my lesson this time.
Oh? What do you mean?
Well, I didn't even try to
blame Gilbert for talking me
into writing my book
report from the movie.
Well, that is a big
advance, to know enough
to just blame yourself
when you make a mistake.
Yeah, you know, Dad,
reading's not so bad
when you get used to it.
That's right, Beaver,
and as you go through life,
you'll find that you can learn
just about everything
from reading...
History, science,
all the great thoughts
anyone ever had.
Yeah, that's right, Dad.
And you know something?
If you couldn't read,
you couldn't look up what
was on television, either.
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA
and...
What do you have there?
Oh, Three Musketeers.
What happened to your
Kennedy coloring book?
Oh. Oh, this isn't mine.
It's Beaver's library book.
He got it to make a book report,
and it's three days overdue.
Well, I guess when
he finished the report,
he forgot to take it back.
Hey, Dad, will you
throw me a few?
Uh, just a minute.
You have a library
book here that's overdue.
Oh, yeah, The Three Musketeers.
I want you take it back
to the library right away.
Oh, gee, Dad, I can't.
I got to read it and
write a book report.
Well, when is the
book report due?
Monday.
Beaver, that's the
day after tomorrow.
You've had this book
for over two weeks.
Beaver, haven't
you read any of it?
Well, yeah, I read
the whole first chapter,
but it was so long
ago I don't remember it.
Yes, well, you just put
that ball and glove away
and get started on it right now.
But gee, Dad, it's a thick book.
It'll take me at least
two whole days to read it.
Well, you should've thought
of that two weeks ago.
I did.
I guess that's
why I didn't read it.
Well, why did you
pick such a thick book?
'Cause I got to
the library last,
and all the thin
ones were taken.
Upstairs.
Yes, sir.
Gilbert? I just
wanted to tell you
I can't come over to your
house for dinner tonight.
Gee, you got to
'cause my mom's going to
send out for Chinese food
'cause she had a hard
day washing curtains.
Yeah, well, I'm sorry,
but I got to stay home
and write a book report
on The Three Musketeers.
Gee, that means no extra shrimp.
What?
When you get
four orders of Chinese
food to take out,
they give you extra shrimp.
Yeah, well, I'm sorry, Gilbert.
Hey, save me a
fortune cookie if you can.
Uh, Beaver, you're not
going to get your book read
looking at the paper.
Gee, Dad, can't a guy even
keep up on Mary Worth?
Beaver, The Three Musketeers.
Yes, sir.
Dear, he has to read the book.
I know. I didn't say anything.
Well, no, but you gave me
that poor little fellow look.
No, honey, I'm with you.
Glad to hear it.
A father can use all the
support he can get these days.
Boy, what a dumb book.
A dumb book?
Beaver, The Three
Musketeers is a great book.
How many pages have you read?
I read the whole
first chapter twice,
and I still don't know
what's going on.
Well, wait till you get into it.
There's all kinds of fighting
and blood and everything.
Yeah, but library books
are no good for book reports.
Well, what do you mean?
Well, on store bought
books, they have covers,
and on the cover it tells
what the story is all about.
Listen, Beaver, that way
you're only kidding yourself.
If you don't read
the whole book,
you don't get anything out
of the whole assignment.
Don't you know that?
Yeah, I know.
But that doesn't help
when you're missing
a free Chinese dinner.
I'll get it.
Oh, it's you, Gilbert.
If you want to see Beaver,
you can't. He's busy.
You're not his parents.
Yes, Gilbert?
Can I see Beaver for a
second, Mrs. Cleaver?
I won't stay long.
Well, all right, but
be sure you don't
because Beaver
has a big assignment
to get out this weekend.
Yes, ma'am.
Gilbert, did you finish
your book report?
Yeah, I had to do one on
The Prince and the Pauper.
I finished it yesterday.
Well, good for you.
Yeah, my parents jumped
on me early about it.
But boy, Beav, do I
have good news for you.
Tomorrow night The
Three Musketeers movie's
going to be on TV.
So what?
So all you got
to do is look at it
and then write your
book report from that.
Yeah.
It's not often that a guy
gets to do his school work
and watch a neat
movie at the same time.
Gee, Gilbert, I don't know
if I should do that or not.
Look, Beaver, you have to have
that book report in
by Monday, don't you?
Yeah.
Well, you'll never be able
to finish reading
it by that time.
Gee, I don't know.
Look, Beaver, if it'll
make you feel any better,
you can always
read the book later.
No, I'm going to read it now,
even if I have to
stay up all night.
Okay, Beaver, but in
case you change your mind,
the movie's on at 8:00
tomorrow night on channel...
Gilbert, don't tell me.
How come? Your
conscience bothering you?
Yeah.
And on top of that,
my parents are going to be
home tomorrow night anyway.
Hey, Mom, how come
we're eating so early?
Your father and I are
going to the movies.
Well, who's going to watch me?
Well, Beaver, at your age,
why should anyone
have to watch you?
Well, I don't know.
You get watched at school,
and you get watched at home.
Well, a kid feels funny if
nobody's watching him.
Well, Beaver, if you're
worried about being alone,
Wally will be here.
Gee, no, I won't, Mom.
I'm going over to Julie
Foster's house for dinner.
Wally, how could you possibly
eat another dinner over there?
Well, it's okay, Dad. It's
not for another hour yet.
And anyway, when you're
eating over at a girl's house,
you don't want to look like
a hog in front of her parents.
Say, Beav, would you
pass the potatoes, please?
Then I'll really be
home alone, huh?
Oh, no, you won't, Beaver.
You'll have The Three
Musketeers for company.
How are you doing
with your book?
Well, I was doing pretty good,
but now the Musketeers
are meeting girls
and that's kind of
slowing me down.
Well, you know, Beaver, that
book report's due tomorrow.
If you don't have it ready,
you're going to have
to face Mrs. Rayburn.
Yeah, Beav, and this
close to the end of the year
is no time to start
goofing up assignments.
You might not even graduate.
Oh, they got to let me graduate.
I already paid my deposit
on my cap and gown.
Hello?
How do you do, sir?
I'm happy to inform you
that your child has just won
our most beautiful baby
contest, and he's entitled
to a free portrait
sitting at our studio.
Oh, I'm sorry, mister, but
I don't have any babies.
Well, could I get a
free picture of myself?
Who is it?
It's Frankenstein the monster.
Come on in, Gilbert.
Hey, Beav, what would you
do if it really was Frankenstein?
I'd pull the corks
out of his neck
and let all the air out of him.
Stop being such a wise guy.
What are you doing here anyway?
Well, I didn't have
anything else to do,
so I thought I'd come
over here and annoy you
until your parents
made me go home.
Well, you're out of luck. My
parents went to the movies.
I'm all by myself.
You still trying to read
The Three Musketeers?
Yeah, but I don't know
if I'm going to get
through it or not.
What are you wasting
your time reading for?
It's on already.
What's on?
The Three Musketeers
movie. See? Right there.
"Don Ameche and
the Ritz Brothers."
Who's Don Ameche?
Oh, he's that happy fellow on TV
that's always in
those sad movies.
Oh, yeah, I've seen him.
Who are the Ritz Brothers?
They're the guys that are
playing the three Musketeers.
Now, go ahead. Turn it on.
Gee, I don't know if I should.
Look, I'm your guest,
and I want to see
The Three Musketeers.
Yeah, well, I guess
it wouldn't hurt
just to see what they look like.
And while you're seeing
what they look like,
it won't hurt to have a pad
and pencil ready, either.
Yeah.
Look, they're having
a big fight in a hotel.
Yeah, I don't remember
this in the book.
You probably haven't
gotten there yet.
Hey, look at them
hit those soldiers
with the pots and the pans.
Boy, I didn't know
the Three Musketeers
were such kooky-looking guys.
Wow, look at him swing
from that chandelier.
Boy, if I'd have known
it was this funny,
I would've read the
book two weeks ago.
Boy, Gilbert,
that's the funniest
movie I've ever seen.
Yeah, the way those guys were
throwing those chickens around
and hitting each
other with pies.
Yeah, and all those neat songs.
Hey, you get it all down?
Yeah, but do you
think I ought to put down
the words to any of those songs?
Oh, no, you don't
have to do that.
Just mention the
Three Musketeers
did a lot of
singing. That's all.
Hey, Beav, aren't you
glad I brought this up?
You're going to have
the neatest book report
in the whole class.
Say, Dad, could I
see the sport section?
Yeah.
There you go.
Thanks.
Hey, the Dodgers
beat the Giants again.
"Two out in the ninth,
Wills Bunnid stole second.
Then Howard..."
Hey, hold it. Hold it.
I'll be reading it later.
Don't spoil the plot for me.
Okay, Dad.
Where's Beaver?
He had breakfast early,
then went back upstairs
to finish his book report.
You ought to see him, Dad.
He's up there writing like mad.
He's got a bunch of notes
he's writing his report from.
Well, good for him.
You know, there's one thing I
just don't understand though.
Every once in a while
while he's writing,
he breaks out laughing.
I don't remember any funny
stuff in The Three Musketeers.
Oh, neither do I.
Well, maybe he's just happy
'cause he's finally
getting it written.
Oh, hey, Beav, if
you're ready to leave,
I'll drop you off at school.
How much are you
going to charge me?
Wally, now, don't tell me
you charge your brother
to take him to school.
No, I don't, Mom.
The other day, I just wanted him
to drive me over to Allen's,
and he made me chip
in 15 cents for gas.
Beaver, that was because
when we got over to Allen's,
he was over at Mike's.
And when we got over there,
we found out that they
were all over at Gilbert's.
I must have driven you ten
miles just to get you two blocks.
Beaver, do you have
your book report?
Yeah, I've got it
worked out real neat.
You want to hear it?
Beaver, I haven't got time.
Well, okay.
Just a minute.
Beaver, did you learn
your lesson this weekend?
Well, gee, Dad, I didn't
have to learn anything.
All I had to do is write.
No, Beaver, what I'm
talking about is this business
of putting things off
till the very last minute.
Yeah, Dad, I learned
it's no good to put stuff off
because you're going
to have to do it anyway,
so you might as well
do it and get it over with.
Well, son, if you
really learned that,
then I'd say this was a
very worthwhile weekend.
Yeah, it was so worthwhile
I don't ever want to
go through it again.
"And in the end, the
kingdom was restored,
and they lived
happily ever after."
Very good, Gilbert.
I think that "they lived
happily every after"
seems a little trite.
Yeah, I guess I should've
said "They had a ball."
Well, I think we can come up
with better phrasing than that.
Yes, ma'am.
Janet, may we have
your book report, please?
The Old Curiosity Shop
by Charles Dickens.
"This is a very sad story
"about a little girl
and her grandfather
"who left London to get
away from some men
"who were giving
them all kinds of trouble
"because of her
grandfather's gambling debt
"and how they found
happiness in the beautiful regions
"to the north and
the west of England.
"After leaving London,
things were better
"for the little girl
and her grandfather,
"but after many adventures,
little Nell died near a
country church yard,
and people all over the
world mourned her passing."
Thank you, Janet.
Confused, but I guess
you got everything in.
Theodore, may we have
your book report, please?
The Three Musketeers
by Alexandre Dumas,
the Frenchman.
"The story starts in
Paris when D'Artagnan..."
He's the hero...
"meets these other
fellows, and after awhile,
"they all start singing
up and down the streets.
Then they all go in this hotel
where the three funny guys..."
Three funny guys?
Well, yes, ma'am,
the Three Musketeers,
they were very funny.
Um, "...they all started
plucking chickens
"and throwing the
feathers all over the place
Just a moment, Theodore.
Did I understand you to say
they were plucking chickens?
Yes, ma'am, and
then, in the end,
they ended up throwing
the chickens and the feathers
and everything in the soup.
Proceed.
"Then a whole bunch
of policemen showed up,
and there was a big fight."
What kind of a fight, Theodore?
Oh, it was really neat.
And when this D'Artagnan
guy was getting the worst of it,
these funny guys started
bouncing pots and pans
off the policemen's heads.
Class.
Theodore, this is a report
on The Three Musketeers,
- isn't it?
- Yes, ma'am.
By Alexandre Dumas?
Yes, ma'am.
Continue.
"Well, now the Musketeers
find out that Lord Buckingham
"is plotting
against the country,
"so the Musketeers take
after the lord on horseback
and chase him
across the country."
"But just as they're
about to catch him,
"they come to a
windmill, and it knocks
"the Three Musketeers
off their horses.
"And then they grab
onto the windmill,
"and Lord Buckingham
turns it up real fast
"and they go spinning
around and around.
"And finally they go flying off,
and they fly over a barn
and into a haystack."
Class. Class.
"And then..."
Theodore.
Well, I still got
more written down.
Theodore, that will do.
I'd like to have you
remain after class.
Yes, ma'am.
Gilbert, do you think
when they made the movie,
they could've changed
the story a little bit?
Sounds like it.
Boy, Beaver, the next
time you write a book report,
you better play it safe and
get it out of a comic book.
Mrs. Rayburn, you said you
wanted to see me after class.
Theodore, about the
book report you gave today,
you didn't read
the book, did you?
Uh, no, ma'am.
Because if you had,
you would have realized
that some of the incidents
that you described
didn't occur in the book at all.
I guess not.
You saw a television performance
of The Three Musketeers.
I believe it was on between
8 and 9:30 last evening.
Gee, Mrs. Rayburn,
you're a teacher.
How do you know what
goes on on television?
Because I'm a teacher, Theodore,
there are a lot of things I
have to know that go on,
especially in the minds
of boys and girls your age.
For example, I know
that boys and girls
write book reports from
the jackets of novels,
from movies they've
seen, from comic books...
No fooling, Mrs. Rayburn?
I guess that's why guys
get caught so much.
Oh, once in awhile, a
student gets by with cheating,
but they're not cheating us.
They're just
cheating themselves.
Yeah, I know that, Mrs. Rayburn.
And my brother even told me,
but I just kept putting off
and putting off
reading the book.
Well, all of the
sudden, I got stuck.
Did you ever think
of just coming to me
and just telling me that
you hadn't read the book?
You would've gotten mad.
I might have been angry,
but I wouldn't be ashamed
of you as I am now.
Gee, Mrs. Rayburn, you make
me feel about six years old.
Theodore, you have a
fine record in this school.
The teachers like
you. They respect you.
Now, a good name is something
you don't just toss
away for a book report.
I know that, Mrs. Rayburn.
But it's a lot harder
reading the book
than it is watching the movie.
That's right, Beaver,
and that's why when
you do read a book,
you get so much more out of it.
I'm going to ask you to
take a note to your father.
You're not going to lose it
on the way home, are you?
No, ma'am, I haven't tried
that since the third grade.
Oh, hi, Mom.
Hi, Wally.
Hey, what are these things?
Shasta daisies.
I thought I'd
put a little border
along the walk out back.
Gee, wouldn't bricks be better?
You don't have to water
them or spray them or anything.
You can't put them in the
vase in the living room, either.
Yeah, you got a point there.
Hey, where's Beaver?
Well, when he came
home from school,
he went right up to his room.
Uh-oh, he must have really
goofed something up this time.
Why do you say that?
Gee, if a guy stays in
his room on a day like this,
he's either feeling sorry
for himself or hiding.
Wally, how can you be so sure?
Look, Mom, I've lived in
the same room with Beaver
for almost 13 years now.
You know, like in
those prison pictures,
a guy always knows
more about his cell mate
than the warden does.
Ward, did you ever look
on your parents as wardens?
No, I was too scared of
them to think such a thing.
All right, Beaver, what
did you goof up this time?
My book report.
Yeah, I figured that was it.
What did you do? Copy
it from somebody else?
Oh, no, this is fancier
trouble than that.
You wrote it from a comic book?
No, I wrote it
from The Three Musketeers
movie on television.
Hey, yeah, I saw that
advertised in the paper.
Beaver, that Three Musketeers
isn't the same Three
Musketeers as the book.
Yeah, I didn't know that
then, but I sure know it now.
A note from your teacher, huh?
Yep, it's for Dad.
Sometimes Mrs. Rayburn
gives you a lecture.
Sometimes she gives you a note.
She gave me both.
Look, Beaver, why don't
you play it smart for once?
How could I do that?
Well, instead of
coming right out
and showing Dad the note now,
why don't you
wait till supper time
and then get him talking
about some of the goofy stuff
that he used to do
when he was a kid?
And then when you
show him what you did,
it won't seem so bad.
Hey, that's a neat idea.
Yeah, but wait till
he's eating his dessert.
I think that will
be the best time.
Well, so we played
hooky that day,
and of course, Ms.
Hall, the town busy body,
had to see us fishing.
Well, we knew
she'd squeal on us,
so we all got back to
school as fast as we could,
walked into the
principal's office,
and I was the spokesman.
I said, "Mr.
Hathaway, we're late."
And then I looked up
at the clock on the wall
and saw that school had
been over for half an hour.
Hey, that's pretty good,
Dad. And you know,
one of those funny things
happened to me today.
What was that, Beaver?
I wrote my book report
from a movie and got caught.
You did what?
Boy, Wally, you
and your bright ideas.
Hey, I'm sorry, Beav.
I didn't know he was
going to get that mad.
How come him
playing hooky was funny
and what I did made him mad?
I don't know. I guess stuff
that happened years ago
is always funnier than
stuff that happens now.
Maybe I should've waited
a couple years to tell him.
Hey, what was in the note?
Mrs. Rayburn said I had to write
two extra book reports
in the next three weeks.
Oh.
Hey, what are you
going to read anyway?
I'll tell you one thing.
Tomorrow I'm going
to go the library
and ask them for two books
that they never
made movies out of.
- Hi, dear.
- Hi.
Boy, you're home a little late.
What kept you at the office?
Well, nothing important.
Just making a living.
Did Beaver get those books?
Oh, yes, on the way
home from school.
He's upstairs reading now.
Good. How about Wally?
- He's at the Haskells'.
- Oh.
The motor fell
out of Eddie's car.
Ward, how could the
motor fall out of a car?
Well, ordinarily it couldn't,
but I think it's something
Eddie could manage.
Oh, hi, Mom.
Wally, what happened to you?
Oh, well, gee, Mom, I guess
I must has got a little dirty
helping Eddie
put his motor back.
Oh, well, Wally, you
go on out in the garage
and get the grease off
before you come in the house.
Well, okay, Mom.
- Wally?
- Hmm?
How could the motor
fall out of Eddie's car?
Oh, well, it didn't
exactly fall out.
Eddie ripped it out
driving over a tree stump.
A tree stump?
Yeah, he was
practicing racing starts
at Willoughby's Meadow.
Hi, Beaver.
If you came up to yell at
me, I'm already reading.
Oh, I know that, Beaver.
I didn't come up to yell at you,
but son, don't pull anything
like that again, huh?
It's not good for you,
and it upsets us all.
Don't worry, Dad. I won't.
I think I've really learned
my lesson this time.
Oh? What do you mean?
Well, I didn't even try to
blame Gilbert for talking me
into writing my book
report from the movie.
Well, that is a big
advance, to know enough
to just blame yourself
when you make a mistake.
Yeah, you know, Dad,
reading's not so bad
when you get used to it.
That's right, Beaver,
and as you go through life,
you'll find that you can learn
just about everything
from reading...
History, science,
all the great thoughts
anyone ever had.
Yeah, that's right, Dad.
And you know something?
If you couldn't read,
you couldn't look up what
was on television, either.
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA