Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 6, Episode 28 - Wally and the Fraternity - full transcript

Starring...

and...

Oh, hi, dear.

Hi.

This all the mail today?

Uh-huh.

"Mr. Ward Cleaver,

"You can own an acre
of land in Palm Springs

for just 30 cents a day."

Ward, I've never heard
of such a reasonable offer.

I've never heard



of Palm Springs,
North Dakota, either.

Wally did much better.

He got another
college catalog today.

- What? Another one?
- Mm-hmm.

He must have had ten
or 12 in the last month.

- Hi, Dad.
- Hi, Beav.

Wally looking over that
catalog that came today?

Yeah, Dad, he's
looking over all of them

and trying to decide
which would be

the best college
for him to go to.

Yeah, well, which
way is he leaning?

What your father means

is he leaning in the
direction of State,

his old alma mater?



Well, is he, Beaver?

I don't think he
mentioned State, Dad,

but he likes Yale

on account of they got
the neatest swimming team.

Well, Wally, how's our
college career coming?

Boy, you know, there sure is

an awful lot of
stuff to consider,

but I think I've
made up my mind.

It's a big decision, Wally.

Yeah, I know, Dad,

but I've just about
decided to go to State.

State?

Yeah, Dad, State.

State?

They came in fourth in football.

Hey, there's Stern Hall.

That was my dormitory
my first semester at State.

That's the law school,

and this is the new
school of medicine.

Yeah, our counselor at Mayfield

says they have all
kinds of courses to take.

That's right, Wally.

Engineering, journalism,
industrial management,

the humanities...
In fact, you can get

just about the best of
anything you want there.

That's where your father got me.

Yeah, that's right. You
and Dad met at State.

You mean, you and
Mom went out on dates?

We sure did.

I thought only kids did that.

Beaver, we weren't exactly
on Social Security when we met.

Yeah, but it's still hard for
me to think of you and Dad

going around acting nutty.

What do you mean, Beaver?

Mom and Dad had just
as much right to act nutty

as anybody else does.

Well, thank you, Wally.

But getting back to
your college education,

I'm very happy
you're going to State.

It's a real thrill to
know your son's going

to the same college you did.

What Dad means is,
Wally, don't goof it up.

You'll make him look bad.

Gee, Dad, you don't
have to worry about that.

Probably all the
teachers you had

are either dead
or retired by now.

Well, that sounds like a
pretty good idea, Barry.

Hey, what's the plot, men?

Oh, hi, Eddie.

Barry and I were just
talking about college.

He's going to go to Valley,

and I've made up my
mind to go to State.

Hey, I'm with you,
Wally. State's got it.

Yeah, well, they're
both good schools.

I guess it all depends on
what a guy wants to major in.

My dad said...
Hold it, Alvin. Hold it.

I can see you're getting
the wrong picture.

You don't measure a college

by the courses
they can give you.

I suppose it's by the size

of the football
stadium or something.

No, no, it's by
the fraternities.

What are you talking about?

Pay attention close.

You guys can graduate with
your Ph.D.s and your BAs.

Whatever.

But just let me get next
to a fraternity brother

whose old man is the
president of some oil company,

and I got it made.

Cut it out, will you, Eddie?

It doesn't matter
who you get next to.

You still have to
have an education.

Yeah, that whole business

of who you know
instead of what you know

is out the window.

Oh, hold it.

I can see you guys are
going to need some briefing.

Look, you're up
in the frat house

filling up those bags of
water to throw out the window.

If they guy you're
filling up those bags with

is a senator's son, he
can do you a lot more good

than old Professor
Glockenspiel in the science lab.

Oh, hi, Mom.

Hi, Wally.

Hey, Mom, what happened

to all the apples and
oranges and bananas?

The bowl was
filled this morning.

Oh, Beaver, Gilbert, and
Whitey came by for a snack.

The chocolate cake's gone, too.

Yes, it was quite a snack.

It must have been.

Well, I guess Beaver's
going through that period

where he eats just
about everything in sight.

Yes.

Say, Mom, you
know, I was wondering

next fall when I go up to
State if I should join a fraternity.

Well, that's nothing you
have to decide right away.

Yeah, I guess some of
them were kind of crazy.

You know, I read

where some of the
guys used to eat goldfish.

Yes, but that was
before I went to college.

Our badge of rebellion was
wearing dirty saddle shoes.

Yeah, you know, I
read where college guys

are spinning around
in clothes dryers now.

I guess they've come
a long way, huh, Mom?

I guess so.

Say, Mom, did Dad
belong to a fraternity

when he went to school?

Aah!

Yes, he belonged to Alpha Kappa.

Gee, I wonder if
he'd want me to join

the same fraternity
he belonged to.

Well, I don't think he'd want
you to just because he did.

Why don't you
talk it over with him

and then make your own decision?

Yeah, boy, I've got to
decide what courses to take,

what sports to go out for,

what dorm to live in,
what fraternity to join.

I never knew that
so much thinking

went along with
going to college.

Yeah, Dad, Eddie
and I were talking,

and I thought I'd
probably join a fraternity

when I entered State.

Well, that's fine
with me, Wally.

Uh, Mom said you
were in Alpha Kappa.

That's right.

Say, Dad, was your fraternity
the best on the campus?

Wally, I guess everyone

thinks his fraternity
is the best on campus.

Well, yeah, but some are
better than others, aren't they?

Yes, they are, Wally,

and I think Alpha Kappa
is one of the top two.

Gee, then it must be
pretty rough to get in, huh?

Well...

Wally, don't be too discouraged.
They took your father.

You know, dear, you have

a great way of
boosting the morale.

Let me put it this way, Wally.

I don't think you could go
wrong joining Alpha Kappa.

It's one of the oldest and
most honored fraternities,

and we've supported a
great many very fine causes.

Did any famous guys ever belong?

Well, yes, Alpha Kappa

turned out a number
of prominent lawyers,

a couple of congressmen.

The president of the
bank here in Mayfield

is an Alpha Kappa.

So is the district attorney.

Mule Saunders was a
member of our house.

Oh, boy, that sounds great.

Yeah, if the district
attorney is in there,

that's the one
Eddie better join, too.

Good evening, Mrs. Cleaver.

Hello, Eddie. Come on in.

Thank you.

I hope I'm not
interrupting your dinner.

No, no, we're all through.

Mr. Cleaver and I
just finished the dishes.

Oh, I guess that's the
advantage of not having a maid.

You're not at the mercy of
the help like my mother is.

You mean, your
mother has a maid now?

Uh, well, she's really
an exchange student

working her way through school,

but my mother persuaded
her to wear a uniform.

Yes, Eddie, well,
Wally's up in his room.

Why don't you go on up?

Thank you.

Oh, hi, Eddie.

Hey, I got an angle
on the fraternities, Sam.

Yeah, well, I've already
made up my mind.

I'm going to try to
get in Alpha Kappa.

Alpha Kappa?

Yeah, that's the fraternity
my dad belongs to.

I don't know, junior.

Well, what's the matter?

Yeah, what's wrong with it?

Put your thumb back
in your mouth, sonny.

I'm talking.

I don't know, Wally. I
never heard of Alpha Kappa.

Somehow it sounds
like Squaresville.

Oh, excuse me, fellows.
Phone call, Beaver.

Thanks, Dad.

Uh, hurry back, Beaver.

I was really enjoying
our conversation.

Say, Dad, I was just telling
Eddie about your fraternity.

Oh?

Uh, yes, sir, and I had no idea

you belonged to such
a well-known fraternity.

Uh, yes, Eddie.

Boy, it sure sounds
like a great house.

You know, a couple
of the congressmen

and the district
attorney belong there.

Yeah, that sounds
like the house for me.

Of course, I know that
my chances of getting in

aren't nearly as
good as yours, Wally.

Well, what do you mean?

Well, your father being a
member of Alpha Kappa,

he, of course, is in a position
to pave the way for you.

Well, it's not quite
that easy, Eddie.

Wally will still have
to be invited to join.

Yeah, and anyway, I'm sure

if you're really
interested, Eddie,

Dad wouldn't mind putting
in a good word for you, too.

Would you, Dad?

Oh, uh, no, no.

Oh, I'd appreciate that, sir.

Anything you could do for me.

Uh, yeah, well, I suppose
that I could let them know

that you two fellows
were coming up there

and ask them to keep
an eye out for you.

Gee, that sounds
great, Dad. Thanks a lot.

That's wonderful.

Yeah, well, I'll
see what I can do.

Thank you, sir.

Hey, how about going
over to the malt shop

and drinking a toast to
dear old Alpha Kappa?

I'll buy.

You'll buy?

Chuck Bradford,
he goes to State.

Let's show him
we know the score.

See you guys later.

Hey, what do you
say, Chuck, man?

Hiya, Eddie. Wally.

How's it going, Chuck?

Hey, how's it going
up at the brain factory?

It's the greatest.

You know, Eddie
and I are thinking

about going up to State.

You're making a good move.

Yeah, we're doing it right.

Wally and I are
joining a top fraternity.

Yeah, it pays to go first cabin.

That's what figured when I
started pulling a few strings.

Which house are
you guys going for?

Well, Alpha Kappa, what else?

Yeah, that's the
fraternity my...

Alpha Kappa?

Well, is something wrong?

Fellows, Alpha Kappa is

the worst pig house
on the campus.

Is that you, Wally?

Um, yeah, Dad.

Um, look, Dad,
about your fraternity,

I don't want you going
to a lot of extra trouble,

so if you want to
just forget about it...

No problem at all.
Just finished the letter.

- Already?
- Yeah.

You know, I may be sticking my
neck out a little in recommending Eddie,

but I figure if he does get in
with a bunch of good guys,

maybe they'll keep him in line.

Sure.

Uh, want to hear it?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

"Dear Don,

"As an old fraternity
brother, I'd like to ask a favor.

"My son Wally and a
friend of his, Eddie Haskell,

"will be going
to State this fall,

and I believe that
Alpha Kappa would be..."

Hello?

Yeah, hello, Eddie.

Yeah, he's right here.

You can tell him
about it. Did you finish?

Well, yeah, Dad.

It's a real nice letter.

Well, I think I'm
going to go out

and buy a late newspaper
and mail this on the way.

Dad... I just hope
it does some good.

Hi, Eddie.

Hey, Sam, I saw Chuck again.

I got some more
dope on Alpha Kappa.

The place is full of
creeps and squares.

Listen, Eddie.

I heard the liveliest thing in
the house are the termites.

I just wanted to let you know

so you could
head off your father

from writing any letters.

Eddie, will you listen a minute?

My dad just got
through sending a letter

recommending both
of us to his fraternity.

What? He can't do this to me.

Look, it was your idea
in the first place to...

Hold everything. We
got to play this smart.

This first thing to do

is to get your father
to write a letter

saying the whole
thing was a mistake.

Eddie, what are
you talking about?

Okay, then I'll write a
letter telling him to forget it.

We don't want a bunch
of clods embarrassing us

by rushing us when
we get up there.

Listen, Eddie, you just
write your own letter.

Leave me out of it, huh?

Boy, how can a guy get
himself in such a mess?

What's the matter, Wally?

Did some crow invite
you to a vice versa dance?

No, it's nothing like that.

It has to do with Alpha Kappa,

the house Dad
belonged to up at State.

Dad seemed pretty excited
about you wanting to join.

Yeah, I know.

And now I find out, it's
not such a hot fraternity.

You mean, they can only
get 15 guys in a phone booth?

No.

See, Eddie and I were
talking to this guy from State,

and he said that Dad's
fraternity's a pig outfit.

A pig outfit?

Well, that might
be okay for Eddie,

but I don't know
about you, Wally.

Well, if it's such
a creepy place,

how come Dad belonged to it?

Well, you know
how things are, Beav.

Maybe it was great once,
but it's changed or something.

You going to tell
Dad what you heard?

Well, I started to tell him,

but he'd written the
letter and everything.

I just couldn't do it.

Well, then what
are you going to do?

I don't know.

Maybe I'll just keep quiet
and join the fraternity.

Beaver, what's
keeping you, honey?

Breakfast is all ready.

Yeah, I know, Mom,
but I broke my shoelace.

So I took this one
out of my tennis shoe,

and I thought I'd
dump it in the ink bottle.

Beaver, no. Honey, here.

I think there's an extra
pair up here in the drawer.

Somebody straightened
my drawer out,

and I can't find anything.

Mom, there's something
I think I ought to tell you,

but I don't know
if I should or not.

Here. What's it about?

It's about Wally,

but I don't know whether
he'd want me to tell you or not.

He said not to say anything?

No, but he didn't say
to say anything, either.

It's something about Dad,
but it's not the kind of thing

you can come right
out and tell him.

Then why don't you tell me?

Yeah, I guess telling you

wouldn't be the
same as telling Dad.

You see, what happened is

Wally and Eddie ran
into this guy Chuck,

and he goes to State.

Yes?

And this guy knows all
about Dad's old fraternity.

And he said... Mom,
I'm late for school.

Beaver, come on.
You're not that late.

Well, he said Dad's
fraternity was a pig house.

Beaver.

He said it, Mom. I didn't.

Beaver, are you sure about this?

Yes, Mom, and that's
why Wally's so shook up.

He heard it's a
real crummy place

with a lot of creepy
guys belonging to it.

And he doesn't even
want to go near it,

but he's only doing it so
he won't hurt Dad's feelings.

And please don't
tell him I told you.

Oh, no more. Thanks,
dear. I've had enough.

I think you better have
some more before I tell you.

Tell me what?

Well, it's something
a boy called Chuck

told Eddie and Wally
and then Wally told Beaver

and Beaver told me,

and well, I think
I'd better tell you.

Uh, maybe I will have some more.

Hey, Eddie.

Good morning, Sam.

Um, look, it's about
my dad's fraternity.

You mean, old Pigma Sty?

Relax, Elmer, I got
myself off the hook.

You did?

Yeah, I wrote them a letter.

I have a copy of
it here some place

in case I have to go to court.

Get this.

"Dear sirs," Regarding
the recent letter

"you received from
Mr. Ward Cleaver

"concerning me as
a possible pledge,

"the letter was sent
without my knowledge.

"Due to the fact that I'm
considering another fraternity,

"I'd appreciate it if
you'd withdraw my name

from consideration next fall."

And you sent it already?

Don't start crying now, Sam.

I could've told them
you wanted out, too,

but when I said I
was going to write,

you're the one who screamed no.

Oh, Wally.

Hey, Ted.

- Hi, Eddie.
- Hiya, Ted.

- Nice game, Wally.
- Gee, thanks a lot, Ted.

Hey, I didn't know you
were up in the stands.

Yeah, I thought I'd drop by

and see how the old
alma mater was doing.

Hey, Ted, you must really
be doing great up at State.

I saw in the paper where
you're leading the conference.

Man, you're knocking them dead.

Yeah, well, we
did get a little lucky.

Lucky. With that
no-hitter you pitched,

man, you're another Drysdale.

Same old Eddie.
I'll see you, fellows.

Yeah, we'll be
seeing you up at State.

Oh? Is that where
you guys are going?

Well, you certainly
made the right choice.

Uh, hey, Ted, how about
putting in a good word

for a couple of your
buddies at your fraternity?

Come on, Eddie.
Knock it off, huh?

Well, Eddie, I could tell
the guys you're coming,

but that doesn't necessarily
mean you're going to be rushed.

The guys feel we've got
the top house on campus.

Well, that's for us.

I understand you can
really get clobbered

if you get in with the
owls and the weirdoes.

Say, Ted, what fraternity
do you belong to?

Alpha Kappa.

Alpha Kappa?

What's the matter?

Is there something wrong?

Well, we'd heard
that Alpha Kappa

was a little sub-standard.

What are you talking about?
Where did you hear that?

From Chuck Bradford.

Oh, that character.

Well, I guess I can understand
Chuck's attitude all right.

We had to drop him
from the fraternity

two weeks after he joined.

You kicked him out? What for?

That doesn't matter, but
we had a good reason.

Ever since, he's been going
around knocking the place.

Look, fellows, take it from me.

Alpha Kappa's one of
the top outfits around.

I'll see you later. I got
to go talk to the coach.

I'll see you, Ted.

Hey, Eddie, no wonder
Chuck was knocking the place.

The fraternity's
not so bad after all.

Now we can go ahead and...

Yeah, that letter you wrote.

Yeah, I really fixed
myself up good.

The old Haskell touch.

Well, look, Eddie, why don't
you come on home with me?

Maybe we can figure
something out, huh?

You mean, before your
father kills me or after?

Come on.

Oh, hi, fellows.

Well, go ahead.

Uh, Mr. Cleaver, can
I see you a minute?

Well, sure, Eddie, what is it?

I mean, in private.

Uh, well, of course,
come on in the den.

Boy, Eddie in the den with Dad.

This is going to
be neat. Let's listen.

We will do no such thing.

Come on. Now, you sit down.

Gee, Mom, don't you
even want to know

what's going on
in your own family?

Yes?

Well, first of all,

we'd just like to say that
we want to join Alpha Kappa.

That is if they'll take us.

More than anything, sir.

Well, now, just a minute.
I heard a little differently.

I heard that you boys
were under the impression

that Alpha Kappa was a...

Well, that it wasn't
such a good fraternity.

You know about
what we heard, huh?

Yes, the story came to
me in a roundabout way.

Of course, by the
time I did hear about it,

it could've been
somewhat exaggerated.

Well, no, sir, I think
you probably got it right.

I see.

Well, then as long as
you fellows are convinced

my old house is all
you hoped it would be,

I see no problem.

Yeah, well, but there
is a problem, Dad.

Oh?

Yeah, you see...

Um, well, Eddie has something
that he wants to tell you.

No, no, go ahead,
Wally. You're doing great.

Come on, Eddie.

Well, sir, I sent a letter

to your fraternity
after you did.

- You did?
- Yes, sir.

It was just a friendly,
little, innocent...

I told them that your
letter was a mistake

and that I didn't want
any part of Alpha Kappa.

Oh.

Yeah, but that was
before he found out

that it wasn't a pig outfit.

I mean...

Well, what made you
change your mind?

Well, you see, we were
talking to the wrong guy.

And then we talked
to this other guy,

and he gave us the real dope.

Yes, a person we
respect just like you, sir.

I thought that

with your great understanding
and your friends up at State...

Hold it, Eddie.

I know what you
mean, Mr. Cleaver.

There I go, running
off at the mouth again.

That's how I get
into these messes,

popping off when I
should be listening.

I don't know.

I wouldn't really blame
you if you thought

that Wally would be better
off in the fraternity without me.

Oh, I don't think
we feel that way.

Do we, Wally?

Well, heck, Eddie, you're okay

if you'd just soft-pedal being
a wise guy once in awhile.

Yeah.

Well, I'll tell you what.

Why don't you
fellows just run along?

I've got an important
letter to write.

I don't know exactly
what I'm going to say,

but I'll do the best I can.

Well, sir...

Thank you, Mr. Cleaver.

You know, if I'd have done

something like
this to my father,

he'd clobber me.

Don't think I didn't
consider it, Eddie.

- Wally?
- Yeah?

I was just thinking
about next fall

when you go away to college.

Yeah, what about it?

I guess you'll be
living up there, huh?

Yeah, in the fraternity
house, if I get in.

For four whole years?

Yeah, f... Hey, what
are you getting at?

Oh, nothing.

Yeah, well... well, look, Beav,

you'll have this
whole room to yourself

and both towel racks in there.

And gee, you'll even have
a whole closet for yourself.

Yeah, I know all that.

And you can even play your
radio as loud as you want,

and I won't be here to tell
you to quit it when I'm studying.

Yeah, but I wasn't thinking
about any of that stuff, Wally.

You weren't?

No.

I was just thinking
I'm going to get stuck

with, well, taking the trash out

and cleaning the yard

and all kinds of things
like that by myself.

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA